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Pea and Honey Recipes
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I Eat My Peas With Honey
And tales of derring-do.
Four lines, they can be rhyming
(That's Glow Worms to me and you).
Ending line is as usual.
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So you deserve a w00t!
This looks like a fait accompli
Let's go get a burra peg
This verse has gone all rumply
Let's have some scrambled egg.

I wish I were a newscaster
I'd be so rich and proud
Of getting paid great wads
For what schools call "Reading Aloud".

...and now, back to our usual program...

I wish I were iconic
As on a PC screen
I'd be clicked on all day long
Hmm... now I'm not so keen next!
I'm glad I'm not a Russian doll
Because my name is Doris
I'd hate to be called "Svetlana"
But my former name was Boris coat ...
In butter bean and bacon soup
We hear alliteration
But with plain old oxtail
Just straight concatenation.
I wish I was an Arctic tern
Flying through the blizzards
I'd dive for fish in stormy seas
And gobble up their gizzards. Oblig. But do fish have gizzards?
I wish the dreary London fog [Rosie] The mud shad is a fish with a gizzard, but is unlikely to be found in stormy seas.
Would clear for just a minute
For I am lost; this look like Penge
Or something like that, innit?
I wish I were camel
Instead I've got the hump
In fact I've got a pair of them
(But one may be a mump)
The days are passing slowly
Yet the years go by so fleet
Why don't you take a running jump
re previous line: - Delete.
The days are getting longer
The annual nadir
Has passed, and we look forward to
Seeing your mum, m'dear.
The year is almost over
But another one is due
For this one I will do my best
As more I cannot do.
The new year is upon us
We'll have a resolution glut
But, alas, in one month's time
We'll all be back on website smut
I wish I were a bailiff
I'd crash right through your door
I'd distrain all your Christmas gifts
And press demands for more.
I wish I were a chimney-sweep
Inserting my long brush
I'd clean your flue so very clean
And even cure your thrush Hat and coat oblig. at this time of year, innit?
I wish I were a steering wheel
I'd turn things all around
'Cos I am a control freak
and my limits have no bounds sorry
I wish I were a plural
And not so singulAR
We'd be on every mural
And then become a star
If I were not a "housemate"
In the Big Brother House
I'd be an exhibitionist
And show my pubic louse
I'm glad I'm not a penguin
Living on the ice
I'd rather be a spotted owl
And live on spotted mice
I wish I were John Major Heaven knows why...
And not be Tony Blair
I'd wear a fairly bland grey suit
Oh yes, that's what I'd wear. (Do the voice)
I wish I'd been more careful
When I cut down this tree
Because, you see, the stupid thing
Smashed my conservat'ry. I love the sound of breaking glass.
I wish I were a dancer
Of ballet, jazz or tap
But first I'd need to lose some weight
So I won't look like crap
The supermarket singles night
Is when I do my shopping
I dress up in my finery (Zarbenia) Be bold - Try this, courtesy of of the Univ. of Pittsburgh.
And down the aisles I'm bopping
I'm really very sorry
As sorry as can be
I really should've stopped to think
But I was drunk, you see.
When I was just a nipper
Very many years ago
I kissed a girl called Pippa
How could I stoop so low?
"...and therefore, in conclusion,"
My lecturer would say
"The theorem is obvious"
If Euclid has his way
I'm getting used to living
Well above my means
Therefore I am wearing
My pin-stripes, not my jeans.
Tonight I'll have a curry
Perhaps with bits of lamb
I think a spicy vindaloo
Will make a change from Spam®
I wish I were a meteor
That burnt up in the sky
I'd startle and be wished upon
Then fall to earth and die
I wish I were a mothball
That reeked of naphthalene
My sheer aromaticity
Would keep your wardrobe clean
I wish I didn't have to wish
Or make any decision
But the genie says I must
And do it with precision.
I taught I taw a puddy tat
A tweeping up on me This can be sung to the hymn-tune Diadem.
I looked again and taw it was
A puddy tat indee...
My cat is called Sylvester
My dog is dubbed Stallone
My hamster is named Rocky
Now please leave me alone
Beware of men with pitchforks
Who stalk princes with big ears
In Gloucestershire they breed them
Quite thick, or so one hears
I wish I were a metaphor
Not just a simile
I'd be on ev'rybody's lips
Somewhat like Jade Goody
I wish I were a fixer
Always in demand
I'd never charge high prices
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