mc5 - Pea and Honey Recipes

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Pea and Honey Recipes

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I Eat My Peas With Honey
And tales of derring-do.
Four lines, they can be rhyming
(That's Glow Worms to me and you).
Ending line is as usual.

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I wish I were a sturgeon

My innards worth a mint

But why do people want to eat

Fish eggs, and then be skint?

I wish I were a tube of glue (Irg) Good question. ("Waiter, this jam tastes fishy").

Many things, then, I could stick

I really think I'm stuck on you

But your smell makes me sick

A universal solvent

Better than aqua regia

Would help me clean my teeth each night

A dangerous procedure

This brain transplant is tricky

I've misplaced the cranial nerve

Someone got a sold'ring iron?

Will three-amp fusewire serve?

I wish I were a member (Softers), penultimate one - V good

Of some exclusive club :o)

I'd show up at the AGM

And shout "Let's go downt' pub!"

i wish I were a dentist's drill

Causing untold pain

I wriggle in amongst the nerves

I suggest you don't complain

i wish I were a newscaster

With perfect teeth and diction

And on my head would be a wig

My quiff, a work of fiction

I'm glad that I did Latin

Now I've got quid pro quo

Meliora cogito

though, is not a phrase I know

If language is your raison d'être

Your reasoning's sehr gut

And are without a doubt le maître

So you deserve a w00t!

This looks like a fait accompli

Let's go get a burra peg

This verse has gone all rumply

Let's have some scrambled egg.

Kim (interrupting)

I wish I were a newscaster
I'd be so rich and proud
Of getting paid great wads
For what schools call "Reading Aloud".

...and now, back to our usual program...

I wish I were iconic

As on a PC screen

I'd be clicked on all day long

Hmm... now I'm not so keen next!

I'm glad I'm not a Russian doll

Because my name is Doris

I'd hate to be called "Svetlana"

But my former name was Boris coat ...

In butter bean and bacon soup

We hear alliteration

But with plain old oxtail

Just straight concatenation.

I wish I was an Arctic tern

Flying through the blizzards

I'd dive for fish in stormy seas

And gobble up their gizzards. Oblig. But do fish have gizzards?

I wish the dreary London fog [Rosie] The mud shad is a fish with a gizzard, but is unlikely to be found in stormy seas.

Would clear for just a minute

For I am lost; this look like Penge

Or something like that, innit?

I wish I were camel

Instead I've got the hump

In fact I've got a pair of them

(But one may be a mump)

The days are passing slowly

Yet the years go by so fleet

Why don't you take a running jump

re previous line: - Delete.

The days are getting longer

The annual nadir

Has passed, and we look forward to

Seeing your mum, m'dear.

The year is almost over

But another one is due

For this one I will do my best

As more I cannot do.

The new year is upon us

We'll have a resolution glut

But, alas, in one month's time

We'll all be back on website smut

I wish I were a bailiff

I'd crash right through your door

I'd distrain all your Christmas gifts

And press demands for more.

I wish I were a chimney-sweep

Inserting my long brush

I'd clean your flue so very clean

And even cure your thrush Hat and coat oblig. at this time of year, innit?

I wish I were a steering wheel

I'd turn things all around

'Cos I am a control freak

Sir Joseph Bazalgette

and my limits have no bounds sorry

I wish I were a plural

And not so singulAR

We'd be on every mural

And then become a star

If I were not a "housemate"

In the Big Brother House

I'd be an exhibitionist

And show my pubic louse

I'm glad I'm not a penguin

Living on the ice

I'd rather be a spotted owl

And live on spotted mice

I wish I were John Major Heaven knows why...

And not be Tony Blair

I'd wear a fairly bland grey suit

Oh yes, that's what I'd wear. (Do the voice)

I wish I'd been more careful

When I cut down this tree

Because, you see, the stupid thing

Smashed my conservat'ry. I love the sound of breaking glass.

I wish I were a dancer

Of ballet, jazz or tap

But first I'd need to lose some weight

So I won't look like crap

The supermarket singles night

Is when I do my shopping

I dress up in my finery (Zarbenia) Be bold - Try this, courtesy of of the Univ. of Pittsburgh.

And down the aisles I'm bopping

I'm really very sorry

As sorry as can be

I really should've stopped to think

But I was drunk, you see.

When I was just a nipper

Very many years ago

I kissed a girl called Pippa

How could I stoop so low?

"...and therefore, in conclusion,"

My lecturer would say

"The theorem is obvious"

If Euclid has his way

I'm getting used to living

Well above my means

Therefore I am wearing

My pin-stripes, not my jeans.

Tonight I'll have a curry

Perhaps with bits of lamb

I think a spicy vindaloo

Will make a change from Spam®

I wish I were a meteor

That burnt up in the sky

I'd startle and be wished upon

Then fall to earth and die

I wish I were a mothball

That reeked of naphthalene

My sheer aromaticity

Would keep your wardrobe clean

I wish I didn't have to wish

Or make any decision

But the genie says I must

And do it with precision.

I taught I taw a puddy tat

A tweeping up on me This can be sung to the hymn-tune Diadem.

I looked again and taw it was

A puddy tat indee...

My cat is called Sylvester

My dog is dubbed Stallone

My hamster is named Rocky

Now please leave me alone

Beware of men with pitchforks

Who stalk princes with big ears

In Gloucestershire they breed them

Quite thick, or so one hears

I wish I were a metaphor

Not just a simile

I'd be on ev'rybody's lips

Somewhat like Jade Goody

I wish I were a fixer

Always in demand

I'd never charge high prices

< cockney>"To you, darlin, a pahnd" </ cockney>

I wish I were a Geordie (Irg) Not a Lonodoner, then?

Then I'd say "Whey aye, man"

I've no idea what it means

But at least I've made it scan!

I wish I were a Brummie

Lugubrious but shrewd

Up here I'm in my oil tot

Because I'm in the nude

(yes, that was a non sequitur, but still...)

I wish I were a Scouser

Resenting my victim status - © B. Johnson 2004

I'd pick a lot of fights

With 'em Mancunians that hate us.

I wish I had two pennies

For to rub together

I'd spend them both on bennies

And disregard the weather

I wish (to be quite honest)

That you would go away

My patience, it is limited

My nerves do tend to fray

I wish I were poetic, like

But my speech is yoofy

I guess I'll stick wiv street talk

So as to sound less goofy

I wish I were a student

I'd sleep the whole day long

It helps me to be prudent

And grow up big and strong. There's sensible, isn't it?

I'm glad I'm not a mothball

That fumigates poor bugs

I'd whiff a bit, of naphthalene

And mask the smell of drugs ...speaking of students

I wish I had sagacity (pen) Could be worse. :-)

Then Jade Goody I would choose

I may not be as fat as she

But I could wear her shoes

I think I'll bog off early

I must avoid the rush lovely student stereotyping guys

Be home in time for Neighbours

Viewed with reverent hush.

Today I'll have a lie-in Tuj] We're just jealous...

A lovely duvet day

I'll get up when I want to

Meanwhile I'll hit the hay

I once saw a spoof e-mail from "Management" that included the following: "Every employee shall be entitled to 104 Duvet Days every year. 52 are called 'Saturday' and the other 52 are called 'Sunday'." Well, it amused me.

I wish I had some old rope

Attached to some foul-smelling soap

Just rotting in my shower

The stench doth overpower. This is not meant to be limerick, boys and girls.

I wish I knew my rhyme schemes [Irouléguy] Real life is much the different

My metres and my feet

My triolets and sonnets

That'll keep my scansion neat

Arse! I suck at this, sorry guys and gals.

It's fine - just needs a line break

I Say, Porter! - Arse! I suck at this
sorry guys and gals
Irouléguy - I need a little practice Tuj] As it was in my day ;)

And help from all my pals

I wish I were a hailstone (ISP) Noble contrition, finely expressed. :-)

A-falling from the sky will this do?

I'd try to land on some poor sod

And catch 'em in the eye

I'll no more go a-rovin'

'Cept for my rovin' eye

Just mentally undressing

Those on whom I spy. (ISP) Faultless :-)

Though technically faultless

There's moral issues to pursue deep and meaningful, this

It has to have the spirit

And needs a dab of glue

This Lenten entertainment

Which I will not give up

Involves champagne and a juicy steak

And lots of beer to sup

I wish that it was Easter

With chocolate eggs all round

(Ellipsoidal, actually)

Let pedantry abound

I wish I were a teledu

Making nasty smells

I'd enter small closed spaces

And stink out Tunbridge Wells.

I wish that I could teleport

Like the people on Star Trek

I'd port to Angelina Jolie's bed

And shout out 'Flippin' Eck!' Bad line, Softers. What's that fat-lipped looney got to do with anything on here? Maybe she's one of your fantasies, but she isn't mine!

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