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Pea and Honey Recipes
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I Eat My Peas With Honey
And tales of derring-do.
Four lines, they can be rhyming
(That's Glow Worms to me and you).
Ending line is as usual.
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With strokes full bold and true
I wish I were a haystack
With needles all concealed
So if lovers in me tumbled
They'd quickly be revealed.
I wish I had no tonsils
'Cos right now they are sore
They don't do any good, I'm told
I don't need them anymore.
This useless old appendix
Has reached its use-by date
I think that I should trade it in
Before I am too late
I'm tired of eating doughnuts
They go straight to my waste
Enhancing life's one pleasure
Spelling klaxon sounds! Waist not waste, sorry all
There's no account for taste
I'm tired of skinny dipping
It's given me a chill
And all that clothing ripping
Hardly give the girls a thrill
If I were a transistor (Tuj) No problem. I took it as an intentional pun, enabling me to be lavatorial, which is good.
Inside a radio
I'd semiconduct day and night
Forever on the go
I wish I had an aubergine
(Whatever that might be)
Made out of purple plasticene
It's an egg fruit, don't you see.
I wish that Ninja turtles
Were still the height of cool
With shouts of "Cowabunga!" [Software] I always thought an aubergine was a French B&B
From kids going home from school. (Kim) It is, but ladies only.
I wish I were a bowling ball
Heavy, round and black
I'd ram 'em puny bowling pins
Momentum I don't lack. Or is it kinetic energy?
I wish I were a firework
Bright-coloured in the dark
I'd shoot up high into the sky
And try to hit a lark
I wish there was a galaxy
Or, failing that, a Snickers
Which we once called a Marathon
Both as ice cream now for lickers
I wish I were a puppet
I'd come with strings attached
Unless I were the muppet type
With Piggy I'd be matched
I wish I drove a big red bus
A mighty double-decker
I'd pass by every bus stop
To rile each waiting fecker
I wish I had an ASBO Penelope, really, my dear.
Then I would have street cred
I'd go up to a copper
And bash him on the head.
I wish I was Madonna's bra
A right tit though I'd feel Too easy
I'd maximize her cleevage
And her nipples I'd reveal
I wish I could speak Polish
To pronounce "Zbigniew" right
And to also tell my plumber
To polish my pipes bright
I vow to thee my country
(Whichever that may be)
To always pay my taxes
And show you my ID.
I'd like to keep this game alive
I find it rather sweet
So here's another little line
To accomplish this feat
What am I?
I live inside a drainpipe
I'm slimy, cold and green
Some people, though, will kiss me
Turned King I'll make them Queen
The answer to your riddle
Would make a tasty sarnie
Lightly fried with garlic
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