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Pea and Honey Recipes
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I Eat My Peas With Honey
And tales of derring-do.
Four lines, they can be rhyming
(That's Glow Worms to me and you).
Ending line is as usual.
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So please don't intercede
I wish I were a traffic light
I'd flash in public places
Pedestrians would stop for me
Except in special cases
I wish I were a ping-pong ball
A-bouncing to and fro
with topspin, backspin, swerve and dip
I'd get a headache though
I wish I was your car keys
A-sitting in your pocket
About to be inserted
In your neat little socket
I wish I was a humming bird
My little wings I'd whir
I'd drink my weight in sugar
In a jade and turqoise blur
I wish I was a gramophone A GRAMOPHONE??
With varying R M P
[Chalky] RPM?
Rosie - I wish I was a gramophone
Chalky - With varying R P M - [Raak] doh :-)
And an eight disk stacker
Hey, I had one of them!<
I had a little lens brush
Its bristles were all fine
No matter what I did with it
My glasses failed to shine
I had a little nut tree
But nothing would it bear
Despite its coy expression
I overheard it swear.
:-) :-) :-)
I had a little atom bomb
I lent it to a mate
I had to make him promise that
He would not make us late. (in the Slartibartfastic sense.)
I drank a little brandy
From a crystal glass
It made me feel quite randy (oblig.)
Clary, watch your arse. Alas it is I, Rosie.
I wish I wasn't an old bloke
But young sprightly and gay
I'd give someone a bold poke (irach) Are you?
If they suggest I'm fay
If I were not a lawyer [oldblokes] Is there a minimum age limit to join your club?
I'd be a hypnotist
I'd go to trendy night-clubs Pretty sure I shouldn't have been involved in that last one
And hope to be note-issed. Less than perfect....
I wish I were made of metal (Kim) We welcome fogeys, old and young.:-)
And polished every Tuesday
I'd shine out like a shiny star - is this going to hang around for ages because it's an impossible rhyme?
On National Shiny Shoes Day
I'm glad to be a fogey
With collar, tie and spats
I'll sit and smoke my meerschaum
And curse all youthful brats - Oh well played, Phil!
I'm proud to be a girlie-girl
With pigtails oh so cute Thanks, Chalky, although I must acknowledge inspiration from Sting's "Spread a Little Happiness"
I'll simper and I'll curtsey Chalky, Phil] Sorry, wasn't thinking
But never will I mute
I wish I were more hirsute
With inch-long body hair
Instead I'll make a fursuit
To look like Yogi Bear
I wish I were the Albert Hall
Imposing, tall and round
I wouldn't be the Carnegie
Which has a nasty sound
I wish I were a teapot stout
Nestling in a cosy (irach) You didn't mean a teapot spout, did you? :-)
[Rosie] No, I did mean "stout", as in "I'm a little teapot short and stout, Here's my handle, here's my spout", which incidentally was my first theatrical role as a Kindergarten thespian many moons ago :-)
Dispensing comfort through my spout
- A lovely cup of Rosie! - sorry - couldn't resist
I wish I were a thespian
who played great tragic roles
I'd wow the crowd with my King Lear
Wealth and fame my goals. (Chalky) You haven't met me yet. :-). (irach) I know the one.
I wish I had more energy - [Rosie] and sadly it's looking doubtful now :-(
I'd join the local gym
But sadly I can't move at all
Let alone get trim. (Chalks) Bad news. Hope things improve.:-)
If I were not a brickie
A surgeon I would be
I'd bin my dirty dungarees
'Fore knocking off at three.
If I were not a shot-putter
The hammer I would chuck
I love to swing things and to hurl
And especially sling the muck
whoops :0
If I were not a footballer
No-one would know my name
No Spice Girl would come close to mei
So darts would be my game
If I were not a vicar
I'd still wear my dog collar
I got it cheap on Ebay
But the postage cost ten dollar
If I were not a blogger
I'd have no lady friends
But still I'd sit at my PC
And... well, now that depends...
If I were not a toyboy
I'd be a lumberjack
But not in women's clothing
'Cause a gusset it doth lack
Once I had a little cat
I taught it to drink beer
It used to sit upon the bar
With a 'nebriated leer
I wish I were a b'nana
Yellow, smooth and bent
Served up to a b'wana
In Tangier or Tashkent
I'm glad I'm not a toadstool
Elves and faries I do hate
I'm not a sprite's umbrella
But do help toads to mate.
I wish I wish - oh, HOW I wish
That I was ten years old
And didn't have to go to work
Or do as I am told
I wish I were a worker bee
I'm sick of being Queen
I'd have a much less regal head
Not just be an egg machine.
It only takes an hour or so
To wait for sixty minutes
But since e=mc squared
We must work within the limits
I beat my fleas with money
I do it with my wife
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