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Pea and Honey Recipes
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I Eat My Peas With Honey
And tales of derring-do.
Four lines, they can be rhyming
(That's Glow Worms to me and you).
Ending line is as usual.
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Oh, dear, I think it's missing
[Chalky] Thanks for the pointer. I always was better at English Language than Literature.
I have a brand new toaster
Which has a pop-up feature
It tends to pop up far too soon
Just like Michael Meacher
My microwave has broken down
I'll have to use the grill
It's not easy to brew cups of tea
The odds are slim to nil
I climbed into my oven
To check on my soufflé
I found it rather hot in there
It melted my moufflé - go figure :-)
I'm partial to a bit of cheese
Camembert would be dandy
I rub it well into my knees [Chalky] "The loose covering around the nose and lips of deer"?
Which stops them going bandy
[Raak] Ha! [the man can read my mind]
Ha! The man can read my mind
For he is most perceptive
To understand a lady's thoughts
And make a pass pre-emptive.
I wish I were a dandelion
For I would spread my seed . . er, coat, possibly
With little floaty fluffy things
So please don't intercede
I wish I were a traffic light
I'd flash in public places
Pedestrians would stop for me
Except in special cases
I wish I were a ping-pong ball
A-bouncing to and fro
with topspin, backspin, swerve and dip
I'd get a headache though
I wish I was your car keys
A-sitting in your pocket
About to be inserted
In your neat little socket
I wish I was a humming bird
My little wings I'd whir
I'd drink my weight in sugar
In a jade and turqoise blur
I wish I was a gramophone A GRAMOPHONE??
With varying R M P
[Chalky] RPM?
Rosie - I wish I was a gramophone
Chalky - With varying R P M - [Raak] doh :-)
And an eight disk stacker
Hey, I had one of them!<
I had a little lens brush
Its bristles were all fine
No matter what I did with it
My glasses failed to shine
I had a little nut tree
But nothing would it bear
Despite its coy expression
I overheard it swear.
:-) :-) :-)
I had a little atom bomb
I lent it to a mate
I had to make him promise that
He would not make us late. (in the Slartibartfastic sense.)
I drank a little brandy
From a crystal glass
It made me feel quite randy (oblig.)
Clary, watch your arse. Alas it is I, Rosie.
I wish I wasn't an old bloke
But young sprightly and gay
I'd give someone a bold poke (irach) Are you?
If they suggest I'm fay
If I were not a lawyer [oldblokes] Is there a minimum age limit to join your club?
I'd be a hypnotist
I'd go to trendy night-clubs Pretty sure I shouldn't have been involved in that last one
And hope to be note-issed. Less than perfect....
I wish I were made of metal (Kim) We welcome fogeys, old and young.:-)
And polished every Tuesday
I'd shine out like a shiny star - is this going to hang around for ages because it's an impossible rhyme?
On National Shiny Shoes Day
I'm glad to be a fogey
With collar, tie and spats
I'll sit and smoke my meerschaum
And curse all youthful brats - Oh well played, Phil!
I'm proud to be a girlie-girl
With pigtails oh so cute Thanks, Chalky, although I must acknowledge inspiration from Sting's "Spread a Little Happiness"
I'll simper and I'll curtsey Chalky, Phil] Sorry, wasn't thinking
But never will I mute
I wish I were more hirsute
With inch-long body hair
Instead I'll make a fursuit
To look like Yogi Bear
I wish I were the Albert Hall
Imposing, tall and round
I wouldn't be the Carnegie
Which has a nasty sound
I wish I were a teapot stout
Nestling in a cosy (irach) You didn't mean a teapot spout, did you? :-)
[Rosie] No, I did mean "stout", as in "I'm a little teapot short and stout, Here's my handle, here's my spout", which incidentally was my first theatrical role as a Kindergarten thespian many moons ago :-)
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