mc5 - Pea and Honey Recipes

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Pea and Honey Recipes

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I Eat My Peas With Honey
And tales of derring-do.
Four lines, they can be rhyming
(That's Glow Worms to me and you).
Ending line is as usual.

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I'd spin myself a web

I'd unpick silken underwear

And scare to death a deb Darren] Now what have we said about awkward rhymes?

I don't begrudge a shilling

For my arse, it is not tight

In fact, it is quite willing [Irouléguy] What about "Bush's brother Jeb"?

To house homeless folk at night

I wish I were a lumberjack (Softers) You never told me!

All lithe and butch and tall Which adjective to end the line with? Oh OK.

I'd dress up in my girlie clothes [Rosie] some things are best left unsaid ;-)

And mince around each Fall

I wish I was a Wotsit

A crunchy, cheesy snack

I go down well with sweet white wine

Or a Guiness pack

I'm casting off my wordly goods

So I will join the poor

The chavs and spotty youths in hoods

Their giggles I'll ignore.

I wish I were a naturist

And didn't have to dress

I'd buy a range of merkins

For dealing with the press.

I wish I'd been to Sydney

Before they built the bridge

It makes it look so ugly

Much like a large Smeg fridge - clutching at the only available straw

I want to tame a lion cub

I think I'll need a chair

But if its name is Elsa

I'd only style its hair

I wish I had a big white van

I'd drive it every day

I'd be the archetypal man

Even though I'm gay Strictly stated for the sake of the rhyme only

I wish I were a hooligan

Big and strong and thick

With "Engerland" tattooed in red

And white upon my dick Sorry, sorry, sorry...

I wish I were a photon (Botherer) A dick tattoo? Wow! Respect! :-)

Ignoring Newton's laws I thought '...laws of physics' but couldn't think of any rhyming possibilities

I'd whiz along null intervals

And hurtle through closed doors

If I were an electron

My negativitee

Would shield me with a 'lectric field

In nano-tech-nol-gee

I wish I were a glow-stick

a-waving in the stands

But now that England's knackered

I'll just sit on my hands

I wish I were a linesman

I'd wave my flag like mad

The players mostly shun us

Which makes us very sad.

I wish I were an umpire

(It's my nickname)

I wish I were an umpire

To fathom right from wrong

I'd stand with utmost gravitas

My legs are square, and strong.

bokes with gravitas
Did you hear the new Ralph Lauren outfits for Wimbledon's line judges were splitting in a crucial place when they assumed their active stance? They had to go back to the AELTA's seamstresses to be double stitched... oh how we laughed.
I wish I was a seamstress

Stitching private places

Getting line judges back to work

And save them from disgraces.

I wish I were a hailstone

I'd bounce off someone's head

And if I had grown large enough

I might kill them stone dead

I wish I were a stormcloud

All dark and full of thunder

My voice would roar for miles around

From Up Here to Down Under.

May I interject and say how much I've enjoyed the last 6 (yes, six) verses? Yes? Thank you! Now, onwards and upwards...

I wish I'd won the Lotto

I'd take it all in cash

I'd go out and get blotto

then dine on pie and mash

I wish I were a drawbridge

Portcullis, Mott or Bailey

I'd do my bit to ward the foe

Right off. I'd do it daily.

I wish I were an Orchid

So delicate and rare

I'd hide in some obscure locale

And quietly flaunt my ware

I wish I had more fingers

And just one extra thumb

Another arm or two would help

But not another bum.

If all the world were chocolate

And all the seas were jam

The sun would surely melt it all

And bake into a flan.

If I was mighty Caesar

I'd conquer all the Brits

But then I'd tick off Brutus

He'd stab me in the tits

I wish I were a telephone

With numbers on my face

And when somebody rang me

I'd clang the bells within my base

Sexual Intercourse tailed off
In nineteen ninety-three
(which was much too soon for me)
Between the birth of my second son
And my vasectomy.
- ...and now, back to our usual program...

If I were Ozymandias

I wouldn't make such boasts

I'd beware of global warming

And disappearing coasts

I wish I were a laser beam

Coherent, thin and straight

Would I be red or I be green?

Such answers I await. ... that's got shot of that one. Now for another ...

I wish so much I'm sure to die

Without acheiving many

Yet, even if just one came true

You might all call me 'Jenny'

A simple way to make new friends

And get out of the house

Is, sign up with the RAF

And fly with Mighty Mouse

I love to wear tiaras

They're dear; I make my own

I also knit my own ball gowns

Plus my wigs are home-sewn

My feet are gently melting

So I'm two inches shorter

Perhaps I should have cooled them

In buckets full of water

I wish I had some sweetcorn

But I just can't think why

Perhaps I like the texture

I'll tell you by-and-by

I wish I was a mermaid

With fishtail and blonde hair

You'd never get me up the duff <hypocrisy> Sorry to lower to the tone </hypocrisy>

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