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Pea and Honey Recipes
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I Eat My Peas With Honey
And tales of derring-do.
Four lines, they can be rhyming
(That's Glow Worms to me and you).
Ending line is as usual.
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From Up Here to Down Under.
May I interject and say how much I've enjoyed the last 6 (yes, six) verses? Yes? Thank you! Now, onwards and upwards...
I wish I'd won the Lotto
I'd take it all in cash
I'd go out and get blotto
then dine on pie and mash
I wish I were a drawbridge
Portcullis, Mott or Bailey
I'd do my bit to ward the foe
Right off. I'd do it daily.
I wish I were an Orchid
So delicate and rare
I'd hide in some obscure locale
And quietly flaunt my ware
I wish I had more fingers
And just one extra thumb
Another arm or two would help
But not another bum.
If all the world were chocolate
And all the seas were jam
The sun would surely melt it all
And bake into a flan.
If I was mighty Caesar
I'd conquer all the Brits
But then I'd tick off Brutus
He'd stab me in the tits
I wish I were a telephone
With numbers on my face
And when somebody rang me
I'd clang the bells within my base

Sexual Intercourse tailed off
In nineteen ninety-three
(which was much too soon for me)
Between the birth of my second son
And my vasectomy.
- ...and now, back to our usual program...
If I were Ozymandias
I wouldn't make such boasts
I'd beware of global warming
And disappearing coasts
I wish I were a laser beam
Coherent, thin and straight
Would I be red or I be green?
Such answers I await. ... that's got shot of that one. Now for another ...
I wish so much I'm sure to die
Without acheiving many
Yet, even if just one came true
You might all call me 'Jenny'
A simple way to make new friends
And get out of the house
Is, sign up with the RAF
And fly with Mighty Mouse
I love to wear tiaras
They're dear; I make my own
I also knit my own ball gowns
Plus my wigs are home-sewn
My feet are gently melting
So I'm two inches shorter
Perhaps I should have cooled them
In buckets full of water
I wish I had some sweetcorn
But I just can't think why
Perhaps I like the texture
I'll tell you by-and-by
I wish I was a mermaid
With fishtail and blonde hair
You'd never get me up the duff <hypocrisy> Sorry to lower to the tone </hypocrisy>
Cos I'm just scales down there
A single North Sea Herring
Has 20,000 kids
Myself, I aim to beat that
'Cause I've sired four million squid(s)
If every squid in the ocean
Were fed with marmalade
Then my dish of calamari
Would taste like orangeade
I tried to dance a tango
Alas, I've two left feet
Instead I'll stomp just like Dave Clark for those old enough to remember
And never find the beat.
I'd like to learn to foxtrot
I need a dancing fox
'Coz when I try it on my own
I tangle up my socks
The head of Alf Garcia
Oops...
The head of Alf Garcia
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