mc5 - Pea and Honey Recipes

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Pea and Honey Recipes

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I Eat My Peas With Honey
And tales of derring-do.
Four lines, they can be rhyming
(That's Glow Worms to me and you).
Ending line is as usual.

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I wish I were a naturist

And didn't have to dress

I'd buy a range of merkins

For dealing with the press.

I wish I'd been to Sydney

Before they built the bridge

It makes it look so ugly

Much like a large Smeg fridge - clutching at the only available straw

I want to tame a lion cub

I think I'll need a chair

But if its name is Elsa

I'd only style its hair

I wish I had a big white van

I'd drive it every day

I'd be the archetypal man

Even though I'm gay Strictly stated for the sake of the rhyme only

I wish I were a hooligan

Big and strong and thick

With "Engerland" tattooed in red

And white upon my dick Sorry, sorry, sorry...

I wish I were a photon (Botherer) A dick tattoo? Wow! Respect! :-)

Ignoring Newton's laws I thought '...laws of physics' but couldn't think of any rhyming possibilities

I'd whiz along null intervals

And hurtle through closed doors

If I were an electron

My negativitee

Would shield me with a 'lectric field

In nano-tech-nol-gee

I wish I were a glow-stick

a-waving in the stands

But now that England's knackered

I'll just sit on my hands

I wish I were a linesman

I'd wave my flag like mad

The players mostly shun us

Which makes us very sad.

I wish I were an umpire

(It's my nickname)

I wish I were an umpire

To fathom right from wrong

I'd stand with utmost gravitas

My legs are square, and strong.

bokes with gravitas
Did you hear the new Ralph Lauren outfits for Wimbledon's line judges were splitting in a crucial place when they assumed their active stance? They had to go back to the AELTA's seamstresses to be double stitched... oh how we laughed.
I wish I was a seamstress

Stitching private places

Getting line judges back to work

And save them from disgraces.

I wish I were a hailstone

I'd bounce off someone's head

And if I had grown large enough

I might kill them stone dead

I wish I were a stormcloud

All dark and full of thunder

My voice would roar for miles around

From Up Here to Down Under.

May I interject and say how much I've enjoyed the last 6 (yes, six) verses? Yes? Thank you! Now, onwards and upwards...

I wish I'd won the Lotto

I'd take it all in cash

I'd go out and get blotto

then dine on pie and mash

I wish I were a drawbridge

Portcullis, Mott or Bailey

I'd do my bit to ward the foe

Right off. I'd do it daily.

I wish I were an Orchid

So delicate and rare

I'd hide in some obscure locale

And quietly flaunt my ware

I wish I had more fingers

And just one extra thumb

Another arm or two would help

But not another bum.

If all the world were chocolate

And all the seas were jam

The sun would surely melt it all

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