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Pea and Honey Recipes
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I Eat My Peas With Honey
And tales of derring-do.
Four lines, they can be rhyming
(That's Glow Worms to me and you).
Ending line is as usual.
I like to wear a trilby
Perched up upon my bonce
For now my status will be
The Honourable Ponce
I wish I were a bi-plane
So I could soar above
I'd look down at the earth below
At couples making love. Most edifying
I didn't go to bed last night
I stayed up watching telly
It sent me off to sleep all right
But turned my brain to jelly
I wish I were a pair of jeans [p,I,R,D] Excellent!
Of worn and faded blue
My nice snug fit, it is the means
Of getting close to you.
I wish I was an aubergine
Purple, long and firm
I know I would be popular
In the med-i-um long-term
I wish I had two Langoustines
The gourmet that I am
In fact I have three mangosteens
Two turnips and a yam.
I fail to understand, ma'am
Why my cakes never rise
I've even added VIAGRA
To the icing - was that wise?
I wish I were a spider
I'd spin myself a web
I'd unpick silken underwear
And scare to death a deb Darren] Now what have we said about awkward rhymes?
I don't begrudge a shilling
For my arse, it is not tight
In fact, it is quite willing [Irouléguy] What about "Bush's brother Jeb"?
To house homeless folk at night
I wish I were a lumberjack (Softers) You never told me!
All lithe and butch and tall Which adjective to end the line with? Oh OK.
I'd dress up in my girlie clothes [Rosie] some things are best left unsaid ;-)
And mince around each Fall
I wish I was a Wotsit
A crunchy, cheesy snack
I go down well with sweet white wine
Or a Guiness pack
I'm casting off my wordly goods
So I will join the poor
The chavs and spotty youths in hoods
Their giggles I'll ignore.
I wish I were a naturist
And didn't have to dress
I'd buy a range of merkins
For dealing with the press.
I wish I'd been to Sydney
Before they built the bridge
It makes it look so ugly
Much like a large Smeg fridge - clutching at the only available straw
I want to tame a lion cub
I think I'll need a chair
But if its name is Elsa
I'd only style its hair
I wish I had a big white van
I'd drive it every day
I'd be the archetypal man
Even though I'm gay Strictly stated for the sake of the rhyme only
I wish I were a hooligan
Big and strong and thick
With "Engerland" tattooed in red
And white upon my dick Sorry, sorry, sorry...
I wish I were a photon (Botherer) A dick tattoo? Wow! Respect! :-)
Ignoring Newton's laws I thought '...laws of physics' but couldn't think of any rhyming possibilities
I'd whiz along null intervals
And hurtle through closed doors
If I were an electron
My negativitee
Would shield me with a 'lectric field
In nano-tech-nol-gee
I wish I were a glow-stick
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