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Pea and Honey Recipes
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I Eat My Peas With Honey
And tales of derring-do.
Four lines, they can be rhyming
(That's Glow Worms to me and you).
Ending line is as usual.
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I'm glad I'm not a rabbit
'Cos I'd hate my floppy ears
To dangle in the gravy
and be brown for years
My soup has got a hare in
Call the waiter, please!
It squawks like Orla Guerin
And has a bunch of fleas!
I wish I were a gremlin
Just like Maxwell's Demon
I'd lurk within the Kremlin
And party with lost seamen.
I wish I were a demon
At Dominoes or Bridge
Then I'd have a reason
To expect privilege
If all my dreams and wishes
Were to come true on this day
I think I'd wish for something
That would make me feel gay.
Oh, to be in England
Where the sun shines on the Thames
The pedalos go stately by I was by the Thames yesterday, with a good friend. It was a perfect afternoon. And you can now hire pedalos in Kingston.
While thunderstorms portend English summer - two hot days ....
If I were a poltergeist
I'd hang around the stairs
Manipulating all the paintings
To take you unawares.
If you should meet a banshee
Upon a misty night
You are prob'ly Irish
And very likely tight
The Pouring of the Liquids
On this Momentous Day I have NO idea what this is about.
Unites the whole of Dollis Hill
On this Momentous Day Not sure if this is finished yet.
CdM - On this Momentous Day Not sure if this is finished yet.

On the first railway.
O'er the silvery Tay. More McGonagall than limerick, I think.
I ply in my old dingy
Bit of a cock-up there:

try again:

Software - I wish I could sail my dingy
Old schooner better than now;
My rigging looks like knitting [Softers - did you mean dinghy? We're running with 'dingy' now anyway!]
A dustbin makes up the prow Going with the flow
I wish I could see unicorns
Then Brexit may be real
My bum would not look big in this
It is though - just feel. Sorry, pen
When planning expeditions *sigh* Not much of that going on right now
There's nothing left to chance
My pack includes the kitchen sink
To wash my hands in France
I am the Surrey puma
A folklore cat or fable [p, R, S, n - handwashing one is very pleasing]
I roam the streets of Londontown
And prey as I am able.
I never was a boy scout
The practice makes me boggle
I never learned to tie a knot
Or how to fix my woggle oblig.
I was a useless Brownie
For each badge I failed
Not one was sewn upon my sash
Instead, they all were nailed.
please hospital no more Jevity!}
[hi Giertrud - good to see you & assuming you're startig a lim here...(and googling 'jevity')]
I'm failing to eat it with levity!
oh poop. I made a line for a lim and it should have been a Glow. Maybe someone has the skillz to rescue it.
Some Bailey's instead (Nah, it shows promise; let's stick with it)
[Giertrud] we've been thinking of you]
And I'm out if this bed If, in any way, the people who branded Jevity were thinking of "long" Jevity, then they need to be duffed up in the corner there
And ending my stay with brevity
OK, after that sonsensual and experiential digression into limerickhood, now back to glow-worms
When boredom comes a-calling
I beat it from my door
Just by going down the pub
And drinking pints and more
I wish I were a monstrous weed shaddap at the back.
That constantly was spreading
Through broadcast of its monstrous seed
And foliage a-shedding
I want to go to Londontown
And wear my Londonshoes
I'd saunter round the Londonstreets
And read the Londonnews.
And then I'd sing the Londonblues
Hidden textI like that last one enough to try another verse. Which will probably end up ruining it, of course.
Of life in Londontown
The streets, the sights, the Londonlights
Which are the Londoncrown.
But I'm stuck here in Merseyside
(Lord have mercy on my soul)
I'm grooving at the Cavern Club
Before I get my dole
CdM I'd say the second glowworm worked, too.
I think I'll go to Anfield
Should be nice and quiet
I'll either hand out toffees
Hidden texttop of the league...
But that's Everton, don't try it!
My mind has gone to mushy bits
(Potatoes but not peas) Now I'm getting hungry too
To find a rhyme for 'mushy' it's
Difficult to please
When I am straddle-ing the fence
The barbed wire can be painful
And, what's more, there's no defence
This stance is never gainful.
What will be of Halloween?
In 2021?
Will we be extinct by then?
Or have lots of fun?
I have a brand-new T-shirt
With holes slashed here and there
It's the brand new style
And they call it "evening wear".
Whilst visiting old stamping grounds
They all said "Who is this?"
"He's never paid for any rounds"
"He always takes the piss"
What I want for Christmas
Cannot be bought online
The cost of postage on its own
My PayPal would decline
The reindeer is a puzzling beast
With such a red, red, nose
And its nocturnal flights may be
With Santa, I suppose
A monkey with a blue, blue arse
Has one thing on its mind
Lifting lions to the sky
Is not it, you will find
I think this form may have potential.

A tapir with a long, long nose

Sniffs the mountain air
While Delphic oracles propose
He smells a grizzly bear.
The narwhal with its long long tooth
Does the dentist fear
For if it should be taken out
Its narwhal friends may jeer not great, but play seemed to have stalled
The rhino with its mighty horn Shuddup at the back
Stands out among the crowd
And those that would the rhino scorn
– Viagra does them proud
We haven't seen a bird all year
Nor wildcat, pig or mole
The ’pocalypse is surely here
Each horseman played his role
I'm glad I'm not a binbag (Chalky) V good - bit of class.
Stuffed in a smelly bin
I'd rather be a pin tag (Rosie) thank you!
Despite the state I'm in.
I wish I were in Georgia
It's always on my mind
Buddy, can you find a vote?
I'll pay you back in kind.
My people do not like me
My servants even less
My family have disowned me
Hi, I'm Andrew. Did you guess?
I've only thirteen minifridges
To keep my lipstick in True, apparently
And as for cold cream just don't ask
Just warn your next-of-kin
The shortage of new jamjars
Stops me from making jam
And that is not the only thing
I do as little as I can
My colleagues do not like me An intermittent theme, although fictitious
I wonder why that is?
Maybe they are envious
That what is mine is his
My colleagues all adore me! I'm sure this must be true
I'm the apple of their eye
But when I go bananas
I know that it's a lie
My teachers say I'm awesome
But little do they know
I’m really just as boresome
As Barry Manilow
They said her name was Lola Going darn the Copa Cobana innit
The hottest in Havana
Wears corsets and a bowler
In a scintillating manner
My Quiz Group do not like me
I am the Question Master
My questions are impossible
Why don't they give up faster?
I know all the answers
The Examiner, that's me
With every paper I find fault
Which indeed fills me with glee
I wish I was a robot
Made of brass and cogs and wheels
You're made of atoms I could use
Depending how I feels
I roll across the battlefield
For I am a big cheese
The bruised and bloodied cattle yield
As I go where I please.
Hidden textNot sure if there was a subtle reference in your line, Chalky, but it was excellent.
I wish I were a Roquefort
That stank of foul corruption
I'd spread my self upon your bread
And cause gaseous eruption.
If all the world was brave and new
And you were by my side
I think I'd might run away
Or think of suicide Invoking dark mode
Why shouldn't we reincarnate?
Recycling's all the rage!
But do not re-invent the wheel
We're not on the same page
I wish I was a satellite
And round the world I'd go
I might be known to go astray
Isaac Newton'd know.
Just one banana toastie
Then I'll have my lunch
A sausage with a roastie
Deep fried to make it crunch.
I should have done some gardening
My roses are all brown
My runner beans are hardening
And the weevils are in town
For just a million dollars
My car is up for sale
It wears a clerical collar
And runs on home-brewed ale
I closed my eyes and saw the light
And knew that death was near
He carried thirty-seven scythes
But I'm old, and have no fear.
I've eaten chicken nuggets
Hidden textThat car sounds fun, but would home brewed ale be cheaper than gasoline . . er petrol . . .
I hope they don't react
But I'll just take some precautions
I'll purge after the fact. euuuwww. Sorry.
I sing a song of sixpence
I don't have much to spend
But my birdie pie's a whopper
Some money, could you lend?
Simple Simon met a pie man Continuing the theme
Coming through the rye
Simon said "Give me your pies now"
And all he said was "Why?"
If I were Jack and you were Jill
And we were all alone
We'd not waste time with hills and pails
We'd be each on our smartphone .
A tuffet-seated missy
Was tickled by a spider
She pilled her why upon the ground
But it should have gone inside her.
Hidden text(KS) Did you mean whey?
A little laddie dressed in blue
Slept under a pile of hay
Hidden text[Rosie] Yes, whey and also spilled. My laptop likes to make my cursor jump all over - can hardly wait to get my new one.
While livestock ran alas amok
That night 'twas hell to pay.
The Duke of York was very grand
Ten grand in his charge
He marched them to the summit, and
Down then, by and large
A dragon went into his cave
To lay on piles of gold
All that glister, what a rave (Softers) Brilliantly prosaic
But soon its bum turned cold
An egg is such a curious thing
Bash it and it cracks
But keep it warm for many days
And you might see it hatch.
The owl said to the pussy cat
Why is your tail so long?
This pick-up line was met with a
Sling your hook - begone!
A man who came from Timbuktu
Arrived in Samarkand
And asked to use the nearest loo
When things got out of hand
I wish I were a painter (Chalky) Disgraceful
Then your house I'd decorate
I'd paint it all in tangerine
And display it at the Tate.
I've got a huge desire
For a gender change
In order to inspire
A greater thespian range.
Now look what you've done Last one v good esp pen. Ardderchog. Pum seren etc etc
There's no jelly in the jar
You've eaten all my homemade jam
And left the fridge ajar.
You ate the peanut butter
With sardines spread on toast
You're just a greedy nutter
And you've failed as a host.
It's June, and light abounds Sorry, Dujon
Tbe fireflies have come.
Hark! What are those sounds!
The firefly's burning bum
The sedge has withered from the lake
And no bird comes to make his song
And no bird comes to sing
Hidden textbetter fits the glow-worm metre
That beauteous woman was a fake!
(Knight's daze is misleading.)
With bluer skies and lengthening days
It's time to set the heath ablaze
A roaring fire is just the thing
To make the roasting pigeons sing - AABB silliness
I long to be a glow worm
A glow worm's never bored
A butt that shines is all they need
To get themselves adored.
I yearn to be a clerihew
But cannot break the mould
Boris Johnson is my name.
Same old, same old, same old.
Soon it'll be midsummer
The pollen count sky-high
'Cos allergy's a bummer (KagS) So it's you, is it
I often question why
I wish I were an epic
But I never learned to ep
So I'll stay among the shadows
And do so step-by-step
I wish I had a genie
In a lamp of molten brass
With a gently glowing yellow light pls pls pls...
That shines out of his arse. What you had in mind, pen?
[Raak] Yes, and thank you - but it wasn't just me. You could see the other contributors were all building up to it...
I wish that it were pay day It is actually, but that just means I can afford the poetic license to imagine that it's not
Then for a while I will feel flush
I'll have a splendid gay day
And top up my fund labelled "slush".
The ration is one verse per week
Or that's what it would seem
Such stinginess deserves a tweak
If we aspire to meme
Rationing poems ought to be a crime
As woeful scansion is
Equally, a clunky rhyme
Isn't quite the biz
Such clunkiness in public prose
Is common as a loaf of bread
So let us roundly condemn those
Whose rhymes have no street cred
Dogs are funny creatures
Although they're none too bright
Their sweet appealing features
Yes, but they smell and bark all night
I hope to take a holiday
In far-off Timbuktoo
I hope they've got an airport
And a ladies' loo
I've booked a short vacation
To somewhere where it's dry
Because my medication
Tends to make me high
Obligatory rhyming
Is really not so hard
But sometimes it just takes a lot
... All right, Software—you're barred!
Hidden textNot really. :)
I try to make it simple easy
'Cos we're all pretty dim
Our IQ rating is the pits
At least it's more than HIM.
I wish I were a laser beam
At least I'd have some focus
My photons in a single team
Marking out my locus.
Hidden text And don’t complain about the pronunciation.
I'm glad I'm not anonymous
For then no one would know
That no one really knows me
So won't mourn me when I go
Now I'm really famous
My TikTok's taken off
I'm known worldwide as Seamus
The new Rachmaninoff
Oh! To be in Trebizond
In 1461
I'd say I was Agent Bond Looks like Q's latest gadget is a bit temperamental...
Hello, everyone!
I need a Covid passport
To see my Chinese gran
The funeral's in Wuhan
Where bats freely disport. [Chalky] Patience, patience
And now I've lost my glasses
I'm drinking from the bottle
Much like the swigging masses
I can barely waddle.
Today is not so boring
My camel's come for tea
Good job I've been storing
Its favorite raspberree.
Whilst brushing up my repartee
Of devastating wit
I found that I was shouted down
By one entitled tit.
Just because I'm sexy
Don't take my “no” as “yes”
My signals are complex, see?
My beard, moustache, and dress.
Don't just stand there smirking
We need some answers fast
This strategy's not working
We’re living in the past tbc
We must address the elephant
And use this GPS
Or nothing will get better
And we'll still be in this mess.
Delivering an elephant
The midwife's sternest test?
Stand well clear - they're heavy
Well, now! Who'd've guessed?
Autumn nights are drawing in
To tinge the skies with gold
And Mr Frosty's fingers
Will have you in their hold.
Summertime is coming
At least in parts more austral
But up here it's dark at four
When shadows haunt the claustral
Christmas time is looming
There will be fun for all
Boris has commanded it
At the Covid-19 ball Mercy killing. Onwards.
Beware the claws of Omnicron!
Hidden textsic
Which Borish vows to fight
But any vow that Boris makes
Is just a pile of shite
I wish I were a teabag (Chalky) Couldn't've put it better meself.
Floating in a mug
Waiting to be pulled out
And go dripping on the rug.
I wish I were a teaspoon
For I'm a nat'ral stirrer
I'd swish about inside your mug
mugs off
Whilst rebooting some Glow Worms
For amusiement I need Sorry, I'm a bit pissed. It's the brandy, y'know. Dreadful stuff.
To get some improved scansion
Indeed!
To again reboot this glow-worm
I write a witty line
A quick fix for the short term - [invoking ABAB]
The closing punch is mine!
The glow-worm's running smoother
and I, for one, am glad
We've found our feet and who the
hell could claim that that's all bad?
I wish I were a plectrum trad.
A little plucking thing
And play a tuneful spectrum dodged that one by the skin of our glow-worm teeth
Of stuff you'd like to sing
O to be in finland
Now that winter's here
The coasts's not bad but inland
It's f**king freezing there They run out of the sauna and roll in the snow, I hear.
When thoughts turn to the winter [Software] Don't knock it 'til you've tried it - bracing!
I snuggle up in bed
Waiting for the springtime [nights] I've been in Finnish saunas but not the snow bit.
Like splinters in my head [S'ware] no rhyme? ABAB not compulsory but way more fun.
I wish I had a wrecking ball
I'd ride it into you
'Cos I'm a bit aggressive
And it's a smashing thing to do [Chalky] variety is the spice of life, or so thay do say :)
I'm all dressed up and fancy
But I've nowhere to go
I'm told that necromancy
Is popular below.
I wish I were a hacksaw
With strong serrated blade
I'd cut right through the bullshit
That's how Glow Worms get made - slo-mo in here
I wish I were a magpie's nest
That's full of stolen treasure
I'd pick over the hidden treats
To do so gives me pleasure
I wish I weren't inclined to think
When late at night in bed
That I'm not going to sleep a wink
For fear I'll wake up dead
As I was walking out I found
A silver coin upon the ground   AABB declared
I'm rich, I thought, until I saw
Someone who clearly needed it more.
Quite neat, I think, although a touch of the shoehorn is needed in one place.
Hidden textSomeone who needed it much more.
As I was walking out I heard
A mournful plaintive cry
Next-door's cat had caught a bird
And ate it by and by
I wish I had a mocking bird
To mock you all day long
Because you are a shocking turd
And more than often, wrong.
:^D
There's something very pleasing about collectively written gentle rhyming insults.
I wish I had a leaky boat
To row on my canal
Shall I add a cheeky note
Or one that's just banal?
I once noticed that a very unremarkable picture of mine on Flickr was getting a lot of clicks. Then I realised that the caption included the word "canal", but I'd left off the first letter.
I want my privets widely viewed
For my topiary is fine
Some might say they're mildly rude
Like privates, by design.
You know how badly these things go
When scansion is awry
As weaker poets' failings show
No matter how they try
I'm glad I'm not a tuning fork
With but a single note
For I have a complex waveform
And a terrible sore throat
I wish I had more sex appeal
But wallflower, that is me
I hang about in corners
And I'd rather watch TV.
I wish I were on holiday
In some exotic place
Dreaming I was far away
From all the human race.
I think I've had enough of work Ain't that the truth
It takes up too much time
It dulls the soul but pays the bills
Oh, buddy, spare a dime?
[RTG] Nice
They say that work, and lack of play,
Will make you rather boring
But I have always found a way
To live it up while choring.
Well, that's the Jubilee done
These flags are now redundant
Until the next coronashun
When once more they'll be abundant
I wish I had a magic wand
Such havoc I would wreak
As master of the demi-monde
I'm half-price all this week.Moving swiftly on...
I'm glad I'm not a hosepipe
Because I'd soon be banned
From pissing in the garden
In a manner underhand
I wish I were in Essex
'Cos I'm a dreadful chav
I'd down ten pints of Stella
Then puke up in the lav. oblig.
Great stereotyping there, is there more?
I wish I were in Bristol
In my Vauxhall Astral car
Scoffing some bananals
Down 'arbourside Oo Ar
Ah wush ah were in Glasgy
Tae swag doon Sauchiehall
And Gie m'sel a swally
Is't me ye're lookin' at, Jimmy? traditional
Hmmm... I wish I were Mancunian
Let's 'ave it. Proper sound
But you all think I'm in Corrie
'Cos Boddingtons you've downed.
I'm glad I'm not a scouser
With inimitable speech
It's way more posh in Southport
And great on Formby beach. Hooray!
If I sound like a Brummie
As Noddy Holder does
You'd imagine I was scummy
As Noddy Holder was
Hidden textIt most certainly _duz_ rhyme
It's my turn for Prime Minister
I'll soon have this mess fixed
I won't do owt that's sinister oblig.
'Though feelings may be mixed
I've got loads of fireworks
They don' arf make a racket
We'll blow up all those dire berks
Tho' they cost a packet
I glad I'm not in Qatar
But I'll watch it on the box
Where punditry and chat are
Making unimportance into shocks.
The 12-day countdown starts today
so let's go down the pub
And sing a jolly roundelay
Then get some beer and grub.
We want some figgy pudding
But Tesco is sold out
So I'll make do with some parkin
And a jug of curried trout.
Surprising what Tesco stocks nowadays!
Forgot that auld acquaintance
And never brought to mind
Eschew that cup of kindness
That's not the way, you'll find.
Twelfth Night is upon us
Whichever night that is
Hidden textI've never been quite sure how to count it.
We marked the date with honours
At our local's Annual Quiz
Burns Night us upon us
I'll get the bandages
Let haggis take the honours
I don't care what he sez
The trouble with marmalade
Lies deep within my psyche
It's a pithy problem
Trauma for breakfast - oh crikey.
I wish I'd heard the news that
The sun's going supernova
Best get on a Vogon ship
To wait safely till it's over.
I'd like to thank the one-eyed toad
Who plays for Tottenham Hotspur
She's often seen at White Hart Lane
Hoping for a transfer
Outside it's wet and windy
Inside, it's quite warmer
Really, I can't wait for spring
Oh! Is that the first Keir Starmer?
Mercy killing
Let's try and get this back on track
Just like a railway train
So you go lift it from the back
The train will take the strain
I wish I was an artichoke
Classier than a cabbage
I'd look down on asparagus
And all the other baggage.
Now if I were a penguin
An emperor I'd be!
I'd lord it over all my realm
In this bloody freezing sea
I'm going to dine al fresco
In Skegness's bracing air
My ready meal's from Tesco
I'll eat it with amazing flair
I'm going to take a holiday
South Georgia here we come
Among the sheep and penguins
I'm bound to feel at home.
<
I want to take a few days off
Just to spite my boss
I'll pretend I've got a nasty cough
If he sacks me—that's his loss!
It's finally the end of term
See you in September
I now have time to wiggle and squirm
Which I'll do, as a Morniverse member.
I wish I had a crystal ball
Just like Mystic Meg's
I'd swing it hard against the wall
And smash it just like eggs oblig.
I wish I were a solar flare
Bursting into space
Making havoc with the upper air
Whilst leaving not a trace
I wish I had a giant cake
To satisfy my greed
But oh my friends, make no mistake
A wish is not a need.
To start my little Hallmark rhyme [KS, R, C, R] That last one - too perfect! Cake all round!
I'm scribing with a pen
Though I'd rather be a mime
It's nice just now and then
Seasons come and seasons go
But love is aye forever
I only wish that that were so
For some divorce will sever
I think that ev'ryone complains
About the town of Bracknell
And all because that rower, James
Did change his name to Cracknell
When I join the House of Lords
And give my maiden speech
I'll summon all my Zords
To take Black Rod to the beach.
I wish I lived upon the moon
To see earth rise each morn
From dusk right through to dawn
I wish I lived in outer space
Far from the madding crowd
With Bathsheba Everdene
Or with Girls Aloud
I'm glad I'm not a doctor
'Cos I'd be underpaid
Not like a college proctor
Where fortunes can be made
I wish I had an antelope
For they are very tasty
When butchered fit for Masterchef
To make a Kenyan pasty.
I wish I hadn't started this
It leads I know not where (Raak) That's not what they call them in Cornwall
So please be mindful when I kiss
You don’t know what’s “down there”.
I wish that were Santa
For then I would see
When you last had your chimney swept
And who's atop your tree
I wish I had a Christmas tree
With a fairy on the top
Against which my small dog could pee
He will; he cannot stop
If I were a Santa's elf
I'd hammer all the toys
And into one or two I'd slip
Some poisonous alloys
They said that this dog was for life
But life is short for some (Bis) That's rather limericky
[Rosie] Oops...
So I've made him my next of kin
In case people think that I'm dumb.
I wish I spoke Swahili
Then I could reconnect
Perhaps more touchy-feely
No, I'm more select
If I were a snowman
With a carrot for a nose
Angular and Roman
You'd see how much it glows.
If I knew then what I know now
I'd choose a different course
No longer would I need to bow
To Romans, Jutes, and Norse (lament of the Iceni)
I wish I knew the secret
Of trying to sing in tune
But I have a voice just like a frog
So I'll serenade the moon.
I don't forgive the roundheads
For actions cavalier
Old Olie was a tyrant
And he took away our beer
I wish I weren’t innumerate
So mathematically numb
I can't work out the interest rate
Being Chancellor was dumb
I'm glad I'm not Jeremy Hunt
For taxing is his role
And I feel taxed just standing up
But rhyming slang's his goal.
I hold it, hold it, hold it more
My effort is in vain
For now it’s down there on the floor
Next time I'll use a crane.
I wish I were an elephant
In the corner of the room
All would see but none would tell
That I'm the voice of doom.
I wish I were a punk rocker
With piercings in my face
For this would be more likely than
The plan that is in place
I wish I were a nightingale
I'd charm the world with song
Which flighty chorus might entail
And sing all night long.
I'm glad I'm not a princess
'Cos I'd be so fussy.
Sign up to OnlyFans dear chap
Become a shameless hussy!
I'm glad I'm not Marcel Marceau
Or I’d have this to say:
"                                         "
But that was yesterday
I'm glad I'm not a busted flush
For that's an awful fate
But I am just a failure
At getting my first date.
I'm glad I'm not a man of war
A hydrozoan beast
I'm more inclined to think of peace
In Portugal at least
I wonder what's on the box
The one containing tricks
Oh. Nothing. I'll go out instead.
And find nothing at the flicks.
If I smell the roses
I might just prick my nose
And those who prick their noses
Stub their knees and pick their toes.
I long for obsolescence
Swift turnaround's my thing
I'll transmigrate my essence
For to nothing I do cling
These boots were made for something
And something's what they'll do
Observe as they do one thing
That's walk all over you
The quality of mercy
Depends on who you know
Luckily, my friends agree
You ordered flesh to go.
I wish I were in Amsterdam
To see the parakeets
While sipping on my Advocaat
And moistening the seats.
I know a bank where wild thyme blows
That's sweetly sprung in June
And like my love the musk-red rose
I’ll feel a right ass soon.
To be or not to be, that is
The pencil salesman’s lot
But personae more dramatis
Sketch a much darker plot
Is this a dagger or a sponge
Or duck-billed platypus?
Neither, it is virtual
It's next-door's tatty puss. Softers, old bean, this is not a f****** limo
If music be the food of love
Then jazz it up I say
But if you like your love life bland
It's Musak all the way
Alas poor Yorick who I knew
Quite well, but that was then
Just thinking on him makes me blue
In cat lives he's on ten. (Softers) Sorry - inappropriate comment a couple of goes back.
Today I've got a toothache True. [Rosie] No sweat.
I'd like to pull it out
But with breath to make a dentist quake
I'll close my lips and pout
I wish I had a dentist's drill
Hidden textIs it safe?
; A bag of shiny gems
A glass of that pink water
From which all comfort stems.
I wish my drill could crack a safe
I wish this safe would crack
Maybe I'll use TNT
Which lacks a rhyming knack
.. is ABAB rhyming pattern obligatory? Have often wondered ..
ABAB has symmetry,
ABCB surprises.
ABAB? ABCB?
Both fine rhythmic devices.
Hidden textIMO, anyway.
I wish my Worms had rhythm
Instead, I have the blues
Hidden text[Chalky] The instructions to the game suggest ABCB is acceptable but I think we should aspire to the more pleasing ABAB form. It is not like we are in the realm of difficult poetry here. :)
Because I'm stuck at Witham
Until my train segues
This verse will be my opus
And magnum let it be (Raak) I am sure (i.e. not absolutely sure) it's "Wittum". (Pj) I chortle.
A work of such wide scope, as
Transcends mere you and me. [Rosie} I find now that I cannot remember how I've heard it when "this train will terminate at Witham, from where a rail replacement bus etc.". OTH, "rittum" ...
[Witham] If it's the one in Essex, I used to work there and it was "Wittum" at that time.
[Rhymes] the original glowworm was abcb, and we did do an aabb not long ago. It's doggerel, it probably doesn't matter much.
The A12 up from Chelmsford
I've travelled many times.
(Being from that part of the world, it is indeed Witt'm. I assumed Raak knew this and so decided to push the "misunderstanding the pronunciation from the spelling" joke a centimetre further.)
I'd leave my desk in Elmsford
For another town that rhymes.
I wish I were an orange
Unrhymably aloof
But sharply dressed and full of zest
In brandy, 80 proof

I wish I were an orange
Unrhymably aloof
And on sale for two shillings, j-
-ust to show that that's the troof
It only takes an integer
You tried to type a fraction
A practice much more vintage-r
But still requires redaction. (Pj) I jess lurve your grammar
A voice, ethereal silver
Calls me in the night
In spring-green rhyme, until ver-
-dant, green and bright
I wish that silver turned to green
December turned to May
However, life is not pristine
(Which made you drop your K)
I wish I'd listened closely
To what my Mum told me
'Cause what she said was mostly
'Bout my value if she sold me. bit brutal
A league, a half, and onward rode
Six hundred men at arms
They simply could not have knowed Poetic licence. Just renewed it.
The extent of Alfred's charms
The cake, I've gone and burnt it
There's nowt else left for tea
That were a reet fuckup, weren’t it?
He curs'd, historic'lly
On second thought, rhetoric'lly.
I wish I were a piano key
Caressed by your fair hands
But I'd likely be the bottom B
And that wish no longer stands
I wish that I could stand atop
A peak in Darien
With widened eyes and wild surmise
I'd go down again
A shiny, wet-nosed doggerel
Came lolloping up to me
And the choppy waves in Dogger'll
Engulf me doggedly
I wish I were a mechanic
And handy with my spanner
And if I built the Titanic
Divided hulls would span ‘er and 1514 individuals would not have perished
The role of Roman consuls
Cannot be overstated
But in the case of old Ford Consuls
They are now equally dated.
Time and tide are loath to wait
Not even for Canute
Will they e'er their course abate
Nasty, short and brute.
Buttered eggs are much the same
Boiled, poached or flambé
555
555
555
555
Serve them with slow roasted game
On cloths of golden chambray
I wish I had a few more days
To perfect this little verse
But others, with their clumsy ways
Barge in and make it worse.
I wish that I’d just spoken up
But now it’s far too late
Instead I'll just go and hide
These sprouts left on my plate.I love sprouts akshully
I love fresh peas with minted sauce
And new potatoes too
Surrounding roast Sumatran rat
Topped with beetle poo.
Next year, or else the year beyond
I'll go to Burning Man
And when I leave, I will abscond
At least, that is my plan
The food you get in Czechia
Sustains the locals well
But in Civitaveccia
It has a nasty smell
555
Is quite a boring number
Though it once represented a cigarette
Still bored. Time for slumber
I wish I didn't have a job
And could laze upon my yacht
But I'd have no yacht if I'd no job
A conundrum, is it nacht?
Olympic fun in Paris town
And everyone's in Seine
E'en those in academic gown
But not those faire du plein
I know I must, I think I might
But perhaps I'd better not
I'm not quite sure that I'm quite right
So far left's all I've got.
Some think that a riot is fun
All that broken glass!
Until, that is, they all get done
Except the upper class
I've got an old typewriter
I can’t get ribbons for it
I'm trying to write a poem
I'll scribe it on a post-it
If I no longer had my arms
I'd join the Paralympics
But if instead I lost my charms
I'd photoshop my gym pix
If your skin is always yellow
Check your liver function
If it's fine then just be mellow
And apply a little unction.
When my toes just touch the water
They go completely numb
But if I run and leap right in
I'm bound to freeze my bum.
Walking in the rain is nice
Says Cherrapunji girl
The monsoon has not arrived
So she executes a twirl
Careful with that axe, Eugene!
The blade is razor-sharp
You'll slice my leg and my blue jean
's And the gut strings of my harp.
I wish I were no longer here
’Cause there is so appealing
The grass of home is not as green
As that big roundabout in Ealing
If I had an eel today
I'd make eel pie and mash
A good old east end staple
Which fails to cut a dash (vomit emoji)
The tumbrils roll along, along
The executions never end
But I face it with a merry song
Ascend, ascend, ascend, ascend.
You'll meet with Madam Guillotine
In mcios
So smear your hair with brillantine
You'll still be one head less. all right, fewer
[Rosie] During the French Revolution, the Parisian supermarkets had to put in "one head or fewer" aisles, I understand.
How about a reverse glow worm?

Until I can't no more
Pressed his point
                              most forcefully
The man there smoking a joint
What was that?
I mean...
The man there smoking a joint
Most forcefully
Pressed his point
Until I can't no more
Have we invented the modern poetry version of a glow-worm?
Probably the least competent reverse engineering I've seen in a verse game (although I think CdM was trying to append his bit to the end of Chalky's foreshortened line). I think we should have another go.
And still it makes no sense.
I've read it inside-out and back
Nor who, nor why, nor whence
I don't know how it went off-track
[Projoy] Yes, that was my intention. I was imagining something like

I pled my case remorsefully
He still had points to score
Pressed his point most forcefully
Until I can't no more

which is at least vaguely coherent. :)
I wish I were a versewright's mate
With my quill in hand
I'd scribe the words he doth dictate
And adjust fix them so they scanned
I wish I'd been more skeptical CdM neat
'Bout what I see online
Now I don't know which step to call
forget that, try this: My brain's now the receptacle
For sinker, hook, and line.
I wish had some Chapstick
For my little chap-struck knees
I'd smear it very carefully
And put myself at ease.
I wish I could go back again
To glorious Timbuktu
The Athens of old Mali
And pre-Brexit too
If I were a dinosaur
Which I am, but that's a joke
I'd surely be the cynosure
As fun at me they poke
of mice and men and rats and sots
i weave this ’structive tale
A bunch of gin has sure gots
More alcohol than ale.
I wonder why there are not more
Friv'lous twats like me
I think it's 'cos you're getting old
At almost thirty three
To sleep, to die, to fade away
Is not how I shall go
I'll rant and rage and lead astray
And put up a real good show
I wish I had some stollen
And a glass of hot gluhwein
A dash of fresh bee pollen
Will ease its path just fein
I'm looking for some Christmas soul
But only found this wine
There's also an old sausage roll
Which I must decline.
Try saying no to deep-fried snacks
They surely will obey
Crisps and chips and other things
Are out — make do with hay.
Chocolate seem more appetizing
Chocolate seems more fun
Chocolate makes you feel quite good
When all is said and done.
I wish I were a 5 year old
For whom he world is new
All day I'd have adventures
Pretend I'm in a zoo
But Now We Are A Six Year Old
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