mc5 - Pea and Honey Recipes

I wish I were a drawing

Sketched out with a 6B

My fine sfumato showing

My outline, fuzzily.

[pen] Lovely ending. Doffs hat and bows.

A muse that's soft and furry

But lightning fast of paw

Always ends up blurry

Crunched by a feline's jaw.

I wish I were a Spring day

However unpredictable

In the sunshine, I would play.

Till rain uncontradictable.

I wish I were a foggy morn

Silent, cold and still

Dead bodies strewn o'er meadow's dawn

It's just the birds that kill.

I test my eyes by driving

In thickest fog at night;

I haven't had a pile-up yet

Hop in! Do you think I might?

I thought I saw a pterosaur

A-flapping up to me Tune: Diadem

But it's just a seagull

As you can plainly see. oblig.

I've spotted spots before my eyes

Like aerated turds they're floaters

Am I looking at a leopard?

Or a group of stoner voters?

I wish I were a meteor

A-streaking down from space

I'd spread fire over all the Earth

And wipe t'smile off your face.

I wish a were a fountan pen

My nickname being "Her Nibs"

I'd leave blobs of ink o'er the place

To show that I'd first dibs.

I wish I were a fountain, pen

Spraying like a dirty tom

I'd dirty all your clothing, then

Put my cap back on

I'm glad I'm not a rabbit

'Cos I'd hate my floppy ears

To dangle in the gravy

and be brown for years

My soup has got a hare in

Call the waiter, please!

It squawks like Orla Guerin

And has a bunch of fleas!

I wish I were a gremlin

Just like Maxwell's Demon

I'd lurk within the Kremlin

And party with lost seamen.

I wish I were a demon

At Dominoes or Bridge

Then I'd have a reason

To expect privilege

If all my dreams and wishes

Were to come true on this day

I think I'd wish for something

That would make me feel gay.

Oh, to be in England

Where the sun shines on the Thames

The pedalos go stately by I was by the Thames yesterday, with a good friend. It was a perfect afternoon. And you can now hire pedalos in Kingston.

While thunderstorms portend English summer - two hot days ....

If I were a poltergeist

I'd hang around the stairs

Manipulating all the paintings

To take you unawares.

If you should meet a banshee

Upon a misty night

You are prob'ly Irish

And very likely tight

The Pouring of the Liquids

On this Momentous Day I have NO idea what this is about.

Unites the whole of Dollis Hill

On this Momentous Day Not sure if this is finished yet.

CdM - On this Momentous Day Not sure if this is finished yet.

On the first railway.

O'er the silvery Tay. More McGonagall than limerick, I think.

I ply in my old dingy

Bit of a cock-up there:

try again:

Software - I wish I could sail my dingy

Old schooner better than now;

My rigging looks like knitting [Softers - did you mean dinghy? We're running with 'dingy' now anyway!]

A dustbin makes up the prow Going with the flow

I wish I could see unicorns

Then Brexit may be real

My bum would not look big in this

It is though - just feel. Sorry, pen

When planning expeditions *sigh* Not much of that going on right now

There's nothing left to chance

My pack includes the kitchen sink

To wash my hands in France

I am the Surrey puma

A folklore cat or fable [p, R, S, n - handwashing one is very pleasing]

I roam the streets of Londontown

And prey as I am able.

I never was a boy scout

The practice makes me boggle

I never learned to tie a knot

Or how to fix my woggle oblig.

I was a useless Brownie

For each badge I failed

Not one was sewn upon my sash

Instead, they all were nailed.

Giertrud

please hospital no more Jevity!}

[hi Giertrud - good to see you & assuming you're startig a lim here...(and googling 'jevity')]
I'm failing to eat it with levity!

oh poop. I made a line for a lim and it should have been a Glow. Maybe someone has the skillz to rescue it.

Some Bailey's instead (Nah, it shows promise; let's stick with it)
[Giertrud] we've been thinking of you]

And I'm out if this bed If, in any way, the people who branded Jevity were thinking of "long" Jevity, then they need to be duffed up in the corner there

And ending my stay with brevity

OK, after that sonsensual and experiential digression into limerickhood, now back to glow-worms
When boredom comes a-calling

I beat it from my door

Just by going down the pub

And drinking pints and more

I wish I were a monstrous weed shaddap at the back.

That constantly was spreading

Through broadcast of its monstrous seed

And foliage a-shedding

I want to go to Londontown

And wear my Londonshoes

I'd saunter round the Londonstreets

And read the Londonnews.

And then I'd sing the Londonblues

Hidden text

I like that last one enough to try another verse. Which will probably end up ruining it, of course.

Of life in Londontown

Pablo

The streets, the sights, the Londonlights

Which are the Londoncrown.

But I'm stuck here in Merseyside

(Lord have mercy on my soul)

I'm grooving at the Cavern Club

Before I get my dole

CdM I'd say the second glowworm worked, too.

I think I'll go to Anfield

Should be nice and quiet

I'll either hand out toffees
Hidden text
top of the league...

But that's Everton, don't try it!

My mind has gone to mushy bits

(Potatoes but not peas) Now I'm getting hungry too

To find a rhyme for 'mushy' it's

Difficult to please

When I am straddle-ing the fence

The barbed wire can be painful

And, what's more, there's no defence

This stance is never gainful.

What will be of Halloween?

In 2021?

Will we be extinct by then?

Or have lots of fun?

I have a brand-new T-shirt

With holes slashed here and there

It's the brand new style

And they call it "evening wear".

Whilst visiting old stamping grounds

They all said "Who is this?"

"He's never paid for any rounds"

"He always takes the piss"

What I want for Christmas

Cannot be bought online

The cost of postage on its own

My PayPal would decline

The reindeer is a puzzling beast

With such a red, red, nose

And its nocturnal flights may be

With Santa, I suppose

A monkey with a blue, blue arse

Has one thing on its mind

Lifting lions to the sky

Is not it, you will find

I think this form may have potential.

A tapir with a long, long nose

Sniffs the mountain air

While Delphic oracles propose

He smells a grizzly bear.

The narwhal with its long long tooth

Does the dentist fear

For if it should be taken out

Knobbly

Its narwhal friends may jeer not great, but play seemed to have stalled

The rhino with its mighty horn Shuddup at the back

Stands out among the crowd

And those that would the rhino scorn

– Viagra does them proud

We haven't seen a bird all year

Nor wildcat, pig or mole

The ’pocalypse is surely here

Each horseman played his role

I'm glad I'm not a binbag (Chalky) V good - bit of class.

Stuffed in a smelly bin

I'd rather be a pin tag (Rosie) thank you!

Despite the state I'm in.

I wish I were in Georgia

It's always on my mind

Buddy, can you find a vote?

I'll pay you back in kind.

My people do not like me

My servants even less

My family have disowned me

Hi, I'm Andrew. Did you guess?

I've only thirteen minifridges

To keep my lipstick in True, apparently

And as for cold cream just don't ask

Just warn your next-of-kin

The shortage of new jamjars

Stops me from making jam

And that is not the only thing

I do as little as I can

My colleagues do not like me An intermittent theme, although fictitious

I wonder why that is?

Maybe they are envious

That what is mine is his

My colleagues all adore me! I'm sure this must be true

I'm the apple of their eye

But when I go bananas

I know that it's a lie

My teachers say I'm awesome

But little do they know

I’m really just as boresome

As Barry Manilow

They said her name was Lola Going darn the Copa Cobana innit

The hottest in Havana

Wears corsets and a bowler

In a scintillating manner

My Quiz Group do not like me

I am the Question Master

My questions are impossible

Why don't they give up faster?

I know all the answers

The Examiner, that's me

With every paper I find fault

Which indeed fills me with glee

I wish I was a robot

Made of brass and cogs and wheels

You're made of atoms I could use

Depending how I feels

I roll across the battlefield

For I am a big cheese

The bruised and bloodied cattle yield

As I go where I please.

Hidden text

Not sure if there was a subtle reference in your line, Chalky, but it was excellent.

I wish I were a Roquefort

That stank of foul corruption

I'd spread my self upon your bread

And cause gaseous eruption.

If all the world was brave and new

And you were by my side

I think I'd might run away

Or think of suicide Invoking dark mode

Why shouldn't we reincarnate?

Recycling's all the rage!

But do not re-invent the wheel

We're not on the same page

I wish I was a satellite

And round the world I'd go

I might be known to go astray

Isaac Newton'd know.

Just one banana toastie

Then I'll have my lunch

A sausage with a roastie

Deep fried to make it crunch.

I should have done some gardening

My roses are all brown

My runner beans are hardening

And the weevils are in town

For just a million dollars

My car is up for sale

It wears a clerical collar

And runs on home-brewed ale

I closed my eyes and saw the light

And knew that death was near

He carried thirty-seven scythes

But I'm old, and have no fear.

I've eaten chicken nuggets

Hidden text

That car sounds fun, but would home brewed ale be cheaper than gasoline . . er petrol . . .

I hope they don't react

But I'll just take some precautions

I'll purge after the fact. euuuwww. Sorry.

I sing a song of sixpence

I don't have much to spend

But my birdie pie's a whopper

Some money, could you lend?

Simple Simon met a pie man Continuing the theme

Coming through the rye

Simon said "Give me your pies now"

And all he said was "Why?"

If I were Jack and you were Jill

And we were all alone

We'd not waste time with hills and pails

We'd be each on our smartphone .

A tuffet-seated missy

Was tickled by a spider

She pilled her why upon the ground

But it should have gone inside her.

Hidden text

(KS) Did you mean whey?

A little laddie dressed in blue

Slept under a pile of hay

Hidden text

[Rosie] Yes, whey and also spilled. My laptop likes to make my cursor jump all over - can hardly wait to get my new one.

While livestock ran alas amok

That night 'twas hell to pay.

The Duke of York was very grand

Ten grand in his charge

He marched them to the summit, and

Down then, by and large

A dragon went into his cave

To lay on piles of gold

All that glister, what a rave (Softers) Brilliantly prosaic

But soon its bum turned cold

An egg is such a curious thing

Bash it and it cracks

But keep it warm for many days

And you might see it hatch.

The owl said to the pussy cat

Why is your tail so long?

This pick-up line was met with a

Sling your hook - begone!

A man who came from Timbuktu

Arrived in Samarkand

And asked to use the nearest loo

When things got out of hand

I wish I were a painter (Chalky) Disgraceful

Then your house I'd decorate

I'd paint it all in tangerine

And display it at the Tate.

I've got a huge desire

For a gender change

In order to inspire

A greater thespian range.

Now look what you've done Last one v good esp pen. Ardderchog. Pum seren etc etc

There's no jelly in the jar

You've eaten all my homemade jam

And left the fridge ajar.

You ate the peanut butter

With sardines spread on toast

You're just a greedy nutter

And you've failed as a host.

It's June, and light abounds Sorry, Dujon

Tbe fireflies have come.

Hark! What are those sounds!

The firefly's burning bum

The sedge has withered from the lake

And no bird comes to make his song

And no bird comes to sing Hidden text
better fits the glow-worm metre

That beauteous woman was a fake!

(Knight's daze is misleading.)

With bluer skies and lengthening days

It's time to set the heath ablaze

A roaring fire is just the thing

To make the roasting pigeons sing - AABB silliness

I long to be a glow worm

A glow worm's never bored

A butt that shines is all they need

To get themselves adored.

I yearn to be a clerihew

But cannot break the mould

Boris Johnson is my name.

Same old, same old, same old.

Soon it'll be midsummer

The pollen count sky-high

'Cos allergy's a bummer (KagS) So it's you, is it

I often question why

I wish I were an epic

But I never learned to ep

So I'll stay among the shadows

And do so step-by-step

I wish I had a genie

In a lamp of molten brass

With a gently glowing yellow light pls pls pls...

That shines out of his arse. What you had in mind, pen?

[Raak] Yes, and thank you - but it wasn't just me. You could see the other contributors were all building up to it...
I wish that it were pay day It is actually, but that just means I can afford the poetic license to imagine that it's not

Then for a while I will feel flush

I'll have a splendid gay day

And top up my fund labelled "slush".

The ration is one verse per week

Or that's what it would seem

Such stinginess deserves a tweak

If we aspire to meme

Rationing poems ought to be a crime

Kim

As woeful scansion is

Equally, a clunky rhyme

Isn't quite the biz

Such clunkiness in public prose

Is common as a loaf of bread

So let us roundly condemn those

Whose rhymes have no street cred

Dogs are funny creatures

Although they're none too bright

Their sweet appealing features

Yes, but they smell and bark all night

I hope to take a holiday

In far-off Timbuktoo

I hope they've got an airport

And a ladies' loo

I've booked a short vacation

To somewhere where it's dry

Because my medication

Tends to make me high

Obligatory rhyming

Is really not so hard

But sometimes it just takes a lot

... All right, Software—you're barred!

Hidden text

Not really. :)

I try to make it ~~simple~~ easy

'Cos we're all pretty dim

Our IQ rating is the pits

At least it's more than HIM.

I wish I were a laser beam

Juxtapose

At least I'd have some focus

My photons in a single team

A laser beam of sheerly, starkly, unstoppable energy carving an unbridgeable chasm between the previous glow-worm and the following one

Marking out my locus.

Hidden text

And don’t complain about the pronunciation.

I'm glad I'm not anonymous

For then no one would know

That no one really knows me

So won't mourn me when I go

Now I'm really famous

My TikTok's taken off

I'm known worldwide as Seamus

The new Rachmaninoff

Oh! To be in Trebizond

In 1461

I'd say I was Agent Bond Looks like Q's latest gadget is a bit temperamental...

Hello, everyone!

I need a Covid passport

To see my Chinese gran

The funeral's in Wuhan

Where bats freely disport. [Chalky] Patience, patience

And now I've lost my glasses

I'm drinking from the bottle

Much like the swigging masses

I can barely waddle.

Today is not so boring

My camel's come for tea

Good job I've been storing

Its favorite raspberree.

Whilst brushing up my repartee

Of devastating wit

I found that I was shouted down

By one entitled tit.

Just because I'm sexy

Don't take my “no” as “yes”

My signals are complex, see?

My beard, moustache, and dress.

Don't just stand there smirking

We need some answers fast

This strategy's not working

We’re living in the past tbc

We must address the elephant

And use this GPS

Or nothing will get better

And we'll still be in this mess.

Delivering an elephant

Tuj

The midwife's sternest test?

Stand well clear - they're heavy

Well, now! Who'd've guessed?

Autumn nights are drawing in

To tinge the skies with gold

And Mr Frosty's fingers

Will have you in their hold.

Summertime is coming

At least in parts more austral

But up here it's dark at four

When shadows haunt the claustral

Christmas time is looming

There will be fun for all

Boris has commanded it

At the Covid-19 ball Mercy killing. Onwards.

Beware the claws of Omnicron! Hidden text
sic

Which Borish vows to fight

But any vow that Boris makes

Is just a pile of shite

I wish I were a teabag (Chalky) Couldn't've put it better meself.

Floating in a mug

Waiting to be pulled out

And go dripping on the rug.

I wish I were a teaspoon

For I'm a nat'ral stirrer

I'd swish about inside your mug

Quality Control

mugs off

Whilst rebooting some Glow Worms

For amusiement I need Sorry, I'm a bit pissed. It's the brandy, y'know. Dreadful stuff.

To get some improved scansion

Indeed!

To again reboot this glow-worm

I write a witty line

A quick fix for the short term - [invoking ABAB]

The closing punch is mine!

The glow-worm's running smoother

and I, for one, am glad

We've found our feet and who the

hell could claim that that's all bad?

I wish I were a plectrum trad.

A little plucking thing

And play a tuneful spectrum dodged that one by the skin of our glow-worm teeth

Of stuff you'd like to sing

O to be in finland

Now that winter's here

The coasts's not bad but inland

It's f**king freezing there They run out of the sauna and roll in the snow, I hear.

When thoughts turn to the winter [Software] Don't knock it 'til you've tried it - bracing!

I snuggle up in bed

Waiting for the springtime [nights] I've been in Finnish saunas but not the snow bit.

Like splinters in my head [S'ware] no rhyme? ABAB not compulsory but way more fun.

I wish I had a wrecking ball

I'd ride it into you

'Cos I'm a bit aggressive

And it's a smashing thing to do [Chalky] variety is the spice of life, or so thay do say :)

I'm all dressed up and fancy

But I've nowhere to go

I'm told that necromancy

Is popular below.

I wish I were a hacksaw

With strong serrated blade

I'd cut right through the bullshit

That's how Glow Worms get made - slo-mo in here

I wish I were a magpie's nest

That's full of stolen treasure

I'd pick over the hidden treats

To do so gives me pleasure

I wish I weren't inclined to think

When late at night in bed

That I'm not going to sleep a wink

For fear I'll wake up dead

As I was walking out I found

A silver coin upon the ground AABB declared

I'm rich, I thought, until I saw

Someone who clearly needed it more.

Quite neat, I think, although a touch of the shoehorn is needed in one place. Hidden text
Someone who needed it much more.

As I was walking out I heard

A mournful plaintive cry

Next-door's cat had caught a bird

And ate it by and by

I wish I had a mocking bird

To mock you all day long

Because you are a shocking turd

And more than often, wrong.

:^D

There's something very pleasing about collectively written gentle rhyming insults.
I wish I had a leaky boat

To row on my canal

Shall I add a cheeky note

Or one that's just banal?

I once noticed that a very unremarkable picture of mine on Flickr was getting a lot of clicks. Then I realised that the caption included the word "canal", but I'd left off the first letter.

I want my privets widely viewed

For my topiary is fine

Some might say they're mildly rude

Like privates, by design.

You know how badly these things go

When scansion is awry

As weaker poets' failings show

Pablo

No matter how they try

I'm glad I'm not a tuning fork

With but a single note

For I have a complex waveform

And a terrible sore throat

I wish I had more sex appeal

But wallflower, that is me

I hang about in corners

And I'd rather watch TV.

I wish I were on holiday

In some exotic place

Dreaming I was far away

From all the human race.

I think I've had enough of work Ain't that the truth

It takes up too much time

It dulls the soul but pays the bills

Oh, buddy, spare a dime?

[RTG] Nice

They say that work, and lack of play,

Will make you rather boring

But I have always found a way

To live it up while choring.

Well, that's the Jubilee done

These flags are now redundant

Until the next coronashun

When once more they'll be abundant

I wish I had a magic wand

Such havoc I would wreak

As master of the demi-monde

I'm half-price all this week.Moving swiftly on...

I'm glad I'm not a hosepipe

Because I'd soon be banned

From pissing in the garden

In a manner underhand

I wish I were in Essex

'Cos I'm a dreadful chav

I'd down ten pints of Stella

Then puke up in the lav. oblig.

Great stereotyping there, is there more?
I wish I were in Bristol

In my Vauxhall Astral car

Scoffing some bananals

Down 'arbourside Oo Ar

Ah wush ah were in Glasgy

Tae swag doon Sauchiehall

And Gie m'sel a swally

Is't me ye're lookin' at, Jimmy? traditional

Hmmm... I wish I were Mancunian

Let's 'ave it. Proper sound

But you all think I'm in Corrie

'Cos Boddingtons you've downed.

I'm glad I'm not a scouser

With inimitable speech

It's way more posh in Southport

And great on Formby beach. Hooray!

Y tanllinellwr

If I sound like a Brummie

As Noddy Holder does

You'd imagine I was scummy

As Noddy Holder was

Hidden text

It most certainly _duz_ rhyme

It's my turn for Prime Minister

I'll soon have this mess fixed

I won't do owt that's sinister oblig.

'Though feelings may be mixed

I've got loads of fireworks

They don' arf make a racket

We'll blow up all those dire berks

Tho' they cost a packet

I glad I'm not in Qatar

But I'll watch it on the box

Where punditry and chat are

Making unimportance into shocks.

The 12-day countdown starts today

so let's go down the pub

And sing a jolly roundelay

Then get some beer and grub.

We want some figgy pudding

But Tesco is sold out

So I'll make do with some parkin

And a jug of curried trout.

Surprising what Tesco stocks nowadays!

Forgot that auld acquaintance

And never brought to mind

Eschew that cup of kindness

That's not the way, you'll find.

Twelfth Night is upon us

Whichever night that is

Hidden text

I've never been quite sure how to count it.

We marked the date with honours
At our local's Annual Quiz

Burns Night us upon us

I'll get the bandages

Let haggis take the honours

I don't care what he sez

The trouble with marmalade

Lies deep within my psyche

It's a pithy problem

Trauma for breakfast - oh crikey.

I wish I'd heard the news that

The sun's going supernova

Best get on a Vogon ship

To wait safely till it's over.

I'd like to thank the one-eyed toad

Who plays for Tottenham Hotspur

She's often seen at White Hart Lane

Hoping for a transfer

Outside it's wet and windy

Inside, it's quite warmer

Really, I can't wait for spring

Oh! Is that the first Keir Starmer?

Mercy killing

Let's try and get this back on track

Just like a railway train

So you go lift it from the back

The train will take the strain

I wish I was an artichoke

Classier than a cabbage

I'd look down on asparagus

And all the other baggage.

Now if I were a penguin

An emperor I'd be!

I'd lord it over all my realm

In this bloody freezing sea

I'm going to dine al fresco

In Skegness's bracing air

My ready meal's from Tesco

I'll eat it with amazing flair

I'm going to take a holiday

South Georgia here we come

Among the sheep and penguins

I'm bound to feel at home.

<

I want to take a few days off

Just to spite my boss

I'll pretend I've got a nasty cough

If he sacks me—that's his loss!

It's finally the end of term

See you in September

I now have time to wiggle and squirm

Which I'll do, as a Morniverse member.

I wish I had a crystal ball

Just like Mystic Meg's

I'd swing it hard against the wall

And smash it just like eggs oblig.

I wish I were a solar flare

Bursting into space

Making havoc with the upper air

Whilst leaving not a trace

I wish I had a giant cake

To satisfy my greed

But oh my friends, make no mistake

A wish is not a need.

To start my little Hallmark rhyme [KS, R, C, R] That last one - too perfect! Cake all round!

I'm scribing with a pen

Though I'd rather be a mime

It's nice just now and then

Seasons come and seasons go

But love is aye forever

I only wish that that were so

For some divorce will sever

I think that ev'ryone complains

About the town of Bracknell

And all because that rower, James

Did change his name to Cracknell

When I join the House of Lords

And give my maiden speech

I'll summon all my Zords

To take Black Rod to the beach.

I wish I lived upon the moon

To see earth rise each morn

Just once each twenty-seven days

From dusk right through to dawn

I wish I lived in outer space

Far from the madding crowd

With Bathsheba Everdene

Or with Girls Aloud

I'm glad I'm not a doctor

'Cos I'd be underpaid

Not like a college proctor

Where fortunes can be made

I wish I had an antelope

For they are very tasty

When butchered fit for Masterchef

To make a Kenyan pasty.

I wish I hadn't started this

It leads I know not where (Raak) That's not what they call them in Cornwall

So please be mindful when I kiss

You don’t know what’s “down there”.

I wish that were Santa

For then I would see

When you last had your chimney swept

And who's atop your tree

I wish I had a Christmas tree

With a fairy on the top

Against which my small dog could pee

He will; he cannot stop

If I were a Santa's elf

I'd hammer all the toys

And into one or two I'd slip

Some poisonous alloys

They said that this dog was for life

But life is short for some (Bis) That's rather limericky

[Rosie] Oops...

So I've made him my next of kin

In case people think that I'm dumb.

I wish I spoke Swahili

Then I could reconnect

Perhaps more touchy-feely

No, I'm more select

If I were a snowman

With a carrot for a nose

Angular and Roman

You'd see how much it glows.

If I knew then what I know now

I'd choose a different course

No longer would I need to bow

To Romans, Jutes, and Norse (lament of the Iceni)

I wish I knew the secret

Of trying to sing in tune

But I have a voice just like a frog

So I'll serenade the moon.

I don't forgive the roundheads

For actions cavalier

Old Olie was a tyrant

And he took away our beer

I wish I weren’t innumerate

So mathematically numb

I can't work out the interest rate

Being Chancellor was dumb

I'm glad I'm not Jeremy Hunt

For taxing is his role

And I feel taxed just standing up

But rhyming slang's his goal.

I hold it, hold it, hold it more

My effort is in vain

For now it’s down there on the floor

Next time I'll use a crane.

I wish I were an elephant

In the corner of the room

All would see but none would tell

That I'm the voice of doom.

I wish I were a punk rocker

With piercings in my face

For this would be more likely than

The plan that is in place

I wish I were a nightingale

I'd charm the world with song

Which flighty chorus might entail

And sing all night long.

I'm glad I'm not a princess

'Cos I'd be so fussy.

Sign up to OnlyFans dear chap
Become a shameless hussy!

I'm glad I'm not Marcel Marceau

Or I’d have this to say:

" "

But that was yesterday

I'm glad I'm not a busted flush

For that's an awful fate

But I am just a failure

At getting my first date.

I'm glad I'm not a man of war

A hydrozoan beast

I'm more inclined to think of peace

In Portugal at least

I wonder what's on the box

The one containing tricks

Oh. Nothing. I'll go out instead.

And find nothing at the flicks.

If I smell the roses

I might just prick my nose

And those who prick their noses

Stub their knees and pick their toes.
I long for obsolescence

Swift turnaround's my thing

I'll transmigrate my essence

For to nothing I do cling

These boots were made for something

And something's what they'll do

Observe as they do one thing

That's walk all over you

The quality of mercy

Depends on who you know

Luckily, my friends agree

You ordered flesh to go.

I wish I were in Amsterdam

To see the parakeets

While sipping on my Advocaat

And moistening the seats.

I know a bank where wild thyme blows

That's sweetly sprung in June

And like my love the musk-red rose

I’ll feel a right ass soon.

To be or not to be, that is

The pencil salesman’s lot

But personae more dramatis

Sketch a much darker plot

Is this a dagger or a sponge

Or duck-billed platypus?

Neither, it is virtual

It's next-door's tatty puss. Softers, old bean, this is not a f****** limo

If music be the food of love

Then jazz it up I say

But if you like your love life bland

It's Musak all the way

Alas poor Yorick who I knew

Quite well, but that was then

Just thinking on him makes me blue

In cat lives he's on ten. (Softers) Sorry - inappropriate comment a couple of goes back.

Today I've got a toothache True. [Rosie] No sweat.

I'd like to pull it out

But with breath to make a dentist quake

I'll close my lips and pout

I wish I had a dentist's drill

Hidden text

Is it safe?

; A bag of shiny gems

A glass of that pink water

From which all comfort stems.

I wish my drill could crack a safe

I wish this safe would crack

Maybe I'll use TNT

Which lacks a rhyming knack

.. is ABAB rhyming pattern obligatory? Have often wondered ..

ABAB has symmetry,
ABCB surprises.
ABAB? ABCB?
Both fine rhythmic devices.
Hidden text
IMO, anyway.

Kim

I wish my Worms had rhythm

Instead, I have the blues

Hidden text

[Chalky] The instructions to the game suggest ABCB is acceptable but I think we should aspire to the more pleasing ABAB form. It is not like we are in the realm of difficult poetry here. :)

Because I'm stuck at Witham

Until my train segues

This verse will be my opus

And magnum let it be (Raak) I am sure (i.e. not absolutely sure) it's "Wittum". (Pj) I chortle.

A work of such wide scope, as

Transcends mere you and me. [Rosie} I find now that I cannot remember how I've heard it when "this train will terminate at Witham, from where a rail replacement bus etc.". OTH, "rittum" ...

[Witham] If it's the one in Essex, I used to work there and it was "Wittum" at that time.
[Rhymes] the original glowworm was abcb, and we did do an aabb not long ago. It's doggerel, it probably doesn't matter much.
The A12 up from Chelmsford

I've travelled many times.

(Being from that part of the world, it is indeed Witt'm. I assumed Raak knew this and so decided to push the "misunderstanding the pronunciation from the spelling" joke a centimetre further.)

I'd leave my desk in Elmsford

For another town that rhymes.

I wish I were an orange

Unrhymably aloof

But sharply dressed and full of zest

In brandy, 80 proof

I wish I were an orange
Unrhymably aloof
And on sale for two shillings, j-
-ust to show that that's the troof

It only takes an integer

You tried to type a fraction

A practice much more vintage-r

But still requires redaction. (Pj) I jess lurve your grammar

A voice, ethereal silver

Calls me in the night

In spring-green rhyme, until ver-

-dant, green and bright

I wish that silver turned to green

December turned to May

Chaly

However, life is not pristine

(Which made you drop your K)

I wish I'd listened closely

To what my Mum told me

'Cause what she said was mostly

'Bout my value if she sold me. bit brutal

A league, a half, and onward rode

Six hundred men at arms

They simply could not have knowed Poetic licence. Just renewed it.

The extent of Alfred's charms

The cake, I've gone and burnt it

There's nowt else left for tea

That were a reet fuckup, weren’t it?

He curs'd, historic'lly

On second thought, rhetoric'lly.

I wish I were a piano key

Caressed by your fair hands

But I'd likely be the bottom B

And that wish no longer stands

I wish that I could stand atop

A peak in Darien

With widened eyes and wild surmise

I'd go down again

A shiny, wet-nosed doggerel

Came lolloping up to me

And the choppy waves in Dogger'll

Engulf me doggedly

I wish I were a mechanic

And handy with my spanner

And if I built the Titanic

Divided hulls would span ‘er and 1514 individuals would not have perished

The role of Roman consuls

Cannot be overstated

But in the case of old Ford Consuls

They are now equally dated.

Time and tide are loath to wait

Not even for Canute

Will they e'er their course abate

Nasty, short and brute.

Buttered eggs are much the same

Boiled, poached or flambé

555

555

555

555

Serve them with slow roasted game

On cloths of golden chambray

I wish I had a few more days

To perfect this little verse

But others, with their clumsy ways

Barge in and make it worse.

I wish that I’d just spoken up

But now it’s far too late

Instead I'll just go and hide

These sprouts left on my plate.I love sprouts akshully

I love fresh peas with minted sauce

And new potatoes too

Surrounding roast Sumatran rat

Topped with beetle poo.

Next year, or else the year beyond

I'll go to Burning Man

And when I leave, I will abscond

At least, that is my plan

The food you get in Czechia

Sustains the locals well

But in Civitaveccia

It has a nasty smell

1

555

Is quite a boring number

Though it once represented a cigarette

Still bored. Time for slumber

I wish I didn't have a job

And could laze upon my yacht

But I'd have no yacht if I'd no job

A conundrum, is it nacht?

Olympic fun in Paris town

And everyone's in Seine

E'en those in academic gown

But not those faire du plein

I know I must, I think I might

But perhaps I'd better not

I'm not quite sure that I'm quite right

So far left's all I've got.

Some think that a riot is fun

All that broken glass!

Until, that is, they all get done

Except the upper class

I've got an old typewriter

I can’t get ribbons for it

I'm trying to write a poem

I'll scribe it on a post-it

If I no longer had my arms

I'd join the Paralympics

But if instead I lost my charms

I'd photoshop my gym pix

If your skin is always yellow

Check your liver function

If it's fine then just be mellow

And apply a little unction.

When my toes just touch the water

They go completely numb

But if I run and leap right in

I'm bound to freeze my bum.

Walking in the rain is nice

Says Cherrapunji girl

The monsoon has not arrived

So she executes a twirl

Careful with that axe, Eugene!

Phil

The blade is razor-sharp

You'll slice my leg and my blue jean

's And the gut strings of my harp.

I wish I were no longer here

’Cause there is so appealing

The grass of home is not as green

As that big roundabout in Ealing

If I had an eel today

I'd make eel pie and mash

A good old east end staple

Which fails to cut a dash (vomit emoji)

The tumbrils roll along, along

The executions never end

But I face it with a merry song

Ascend, ascend, ascend, ascend.

You'll meet with Madam Guillotine

In mcios

So smear your hair with brillantine

You'll still be one head less. all right, fewer

[Rosie] During the French Revolution, the Parisian supermarkets had to put in "one head or fewer" aisles, I understand.

How about a reverse glow worm?

Until I can't no more

Pressed his point

most forcefully

The man there smoking a joint

What was that?