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Pea and Honey Recipes
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I Eat My Peas With Honey
And tales of derring-do.
Four lines, they can be rhyming
(That's Glow Worms to me and you).
Ending line is as usual.
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Surprising what Tesco stocks nowadays!
Forgot that auld acquaintance
And never brought to mind
Eschew that cup of kindness
That's not the way, you'll find.
Twelfth Night is upon us
Whichever night that is
Hidden textI've never been quite sure how to count it.
We marked the date with honours
At our local's Annual Quiz
Burns Night us upon us
I'll get the bandages
Let haggis take the honours
I don't care what he sez
The trouble with marmalade
Lies deep within my psyche
It's a pithy problem
Trauma for breakfast - oh crikey.
I wish I'd heard the news that
The sun's going supernova
Best get on a Vogon ship
To wait safely till it's over.
I'd like to thank the one-eyed toad
Who plays for Tottenham Hotspur
She's often seen at White Hart Lane
Hoping for a transfer
Outside it's wet and windy
Inside, it's quite warmer
Really, I can't wait for spring
Oh! Is that the first Keir Starmer?
Mercy killing
Let's try and get this back on track
Just like a railway train
So you go lift it from the back
The train will take the strain
I wish I was an artichoke
Classier than a cabbage
I'd look down on asparagus
And all the other baggage.
Now if I were a penguin
An emperor I'd be!
I'd lord it over all my realm
In this bloody freezing sea
I'm going to dine al fresco
In Skegness's bracing air
My ready meal's from Tesco
I'll eat it with amazing flair
I'm going to take a holiday
South Georgia here we come
Among the sheep and penguins
I'm bound to feel at home.
<
I want to take a few days off
Just to spite my boss
I'll pretend I've got a nasty cough
If he sacks me—that's his loss!
It's finally the end of term
See you in September
I now have time to wiggle and squirm
Which I'll do, as a Morniverse member.
I wish I had a crystal ball
Just like Mystic Meg's
I'd swing it hard against the wall
And smash it just like eggs oblig.
I wish I were a solar flare
Bursting into space
Making havoc with the upper air
Whilst leaving not a trace
I wish I had a giant cake
To satisfy my greed
But oh my friends, make no mistake
A wish is not a need.
To start my little Hallmark rhyme [KS, R, C, R] That last one - too perfect! Cake all round!
I'm scribing with a pen
Though I'd rather be a mime
It's nice just now and then
Seasons come and seasons go
But love is aye forever
I only wish that that were so
For some divorce will sever
I think that ev'ryone complains
About the town of Bracknell
And all because that rower, James
Did change his name to Cracknell
When I join the House of Lords
And give my maiden speech
I'll summon all my Zords
To take Black Rod to the beach.
I wish I lived upon the moon
To see earth rise each morn
From dusk right through to dawn
I wish I lived in outer space
Far from the madding crowd
With Bathsheba Everdene
Or with Girls Aloud
I'm glad I'm not a doctor
'Cos I'd be underpaid
Not like a college proctor
Where fortunes can be made
I wish I had an antelope
For they are very tasty
When butchered fit for Masterchef
To make a Kenyan pasty.
I wish I hadn't started this
It leads I know not where (Raak) That's not what they call them in Cornwall
So please be mindful when I kiss
You don’t know what’s “down there”.
I wish that were Santa
For then I would see
When you last had your chimney swept
And who's atop your tree
I wish I had a Christmas tree
With a fairy on the top
Against which my small dog could pee
He will; he cannot stop
If I were a Santa's elf
I'd hammer all the toys
And into one or two I'd slip
Some poisonous alloys
They said that this dog was for life
But life is short for some (Bis) That's rather limericky
[Rosie] Oops...
So I've made him my next of kin
In case people think that I'm dumb.
I wish I spoke Swahili
Then I could reconnect
Perhaps more touchy-feely
No, I'm more select
If I were a snowman
With a carrot for a nose
Angular and Roman
You'd see how much it glows.
If I knew then what I know now
I'd choose a different course
No longer would I need to bow
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