mc5 - Pea and Honey Recipes

I wish I were a drawing

Sketched out with a 6B

My fine sfumato showing

My outline, fuzzily.

[pen] Lovely ending. Doffs hat and bows.

A muse that's soft and furry

But lightning fast of paw

Always ends up blurry

Crunched by a feline's jaw.

I wish I were a Spring day

However unpredictable

In the sunshine, I would play.

Till rain uncontradictable.

I wish I were a foggy morn

Silent, cold and still

Dead bodies strewn o'er meadow's dawn

It's just the birds that kill.

I test my eyes by driving

In thickest fog at night;

I haven't had a pile-up yet

Hop in! Do you think I might?

I thought I saw a pterosaur

A-flapping up to me Tune: Diadem

But it's just a seagull

As you can plainly see. oblig.

I've spotted spots before my eyes

Like aerated turds they're floaters

Am I looking at a leopard?

Or a group of stoner voters?

I wish I were a meteor

A-streaking down from space

I'd spread fire over all the Earth

And wipe t'smile off your face.

I wish a were a fountan pen

My nickname being "Her Nibs"

I'd leave blobs of ink o'er the place

To show that I'd first dibs.

I wish I were a fountain, pen

Spraying like a dirty tom

I'd dirty all your clothing, then

Put my cap back on

I'm glad I'm not a rabbit

'Cos I'd hate my floppy ears

To dangle in the gravy

and be brown for years

My soup has got a hare in

Call the waiter, please!

It squawks like Orla Guerin

And has a bunch of fleas!

I wish I were a gremlin

Just like Maxwell's Demon

I'd lurk within the Kremlin

And party with lost seamen.

I wish I were a demon

At Dominoes or Bridge

Then I'd have a reason

To expect privilege

If all my dreams and wishes

Were to come true on this day

I think I'd wish for something

That would make me feel gay.

Oh, to be in England

Where the sun shines on the Thames

The pedalos go stately by I was by the Thames yesterday, with a good friend. It was a perfect afternoon. And you can now hire pedalos in Kingston.

While thunderstorms portend English summer - two hot days ....

If I were a poltergeist

I'd hang around the stairs

Manipulating all the paintings

To take you unawares.

If you should meet a banshee

Upon a misty night

You are prob'ly Irish

And very likely tight

The Pouring of the Liquids

On this Momentous Day I have NO idea what this is about.

Unites the whole of Dollis Hill

On this Momentous Day Not sure if this is finished yet.

CdM - On this Momentous Day Not sure if this is finished yet.

On the first railway.

O'er the silvery Tay. More McGonagall than limerick, I think.

I ply in my old dingy

Bit of a cock-up there:

try again:

Software - I wish I could sail my dingy

Old schooner better than now;

My rigging looks like knitting [Softers - did you mean dinghy? We're running with 'dingy' now anyway!]

A dustbin makes up the prow Going with the flow

I wish I could see unicorns

Then Brexit may be real

My bum would not look big in this

It is though - just feel. Sorry, pen

When planning expeditions *sigh* Not much of that going on right now

There's nothing left to chance

My pack includes the kitchen sink

To wash my hands in France

I am the Surrey puma

A folklore cat or fable [p, R, S, n - handwashing one is very pleasing]

I roam the streets of Londontown

And prey as I am able.

I never was a boy scout

The practice makes me boggle

I never learned to tie a knot

Or how to fix my woggle oblig.

I was a useless Brownie

For each badge I failed

Not one was sewn upon my sash

Instead, they all were nailed.

Giertrud

please hospital no more Jevity!}

[hi Giertrud - good to see you & assuming you're startig a lim here...(and googling 'jevity')]
I'm failing to eat it with levity!

oh poop. I made a line for a lim and it should have been a Glow. Maybe someone has the skillz to rescue it.

Some Bailey's instead (Nah, it shows promise; let's stick with it)
[Giertrud] we've been thinking of you]

And I'm out if this bed If, in any way, the people who branded Jevity were thinking of "long" Jevity, then they need to be duffed up in the corner there

And ending my stay with brevity

OK, after that sonsensual and experiential digression into limerickhood, now back to glow-worms
When boredom comes a-calling

I beat it from my door

Just by going down the pub

And drinking pints and more

I wish I were a monstrous weed shaddap at the back.

That constantly was spreading

Through broadcast of its monstrous seed

And foliage a-shedding

I want to go to Londontown

And wear my Londonshoes

I'd saunter round the Londonstreets

And read the Londonnews.

And then I'd sing the Londonblues

Hidden text

I like that last one enough to try another verse. Which will probably end up ruining it, of course.

Of life in Londontown

Pablo

The streets, the sights, the Londonlights

Which are the Londoncrown.

But I'm stuck here in Merseyside

(Lord have mercy on my soul)

I'm grooving at the Cavern Club

Before I get my dole

CdM I'd say the second glowworm worked, too.

I think I'll go to Anfield

Should be nice and quiet

I'll either hand out toffees
Hidden text
top of the league...

But that's Everton, don't try it!

My mind has gone to mushy bits

(Potatoes but not peas) Now I'm getting hungry too

To find a rhyme for 'mushy' it's

Difficult to please

When I am straddle-ing the fence

The barbed wire can be painful

And, what's more, there's no defence

This stance is never gainful.

What will be of Halloween?

In 2021?

Will we be extinct by then?

Or have lots of fun?

I have a brand-new T-shirt

With holes slashed here and there

It's the brand new style

And they call it "evening wear".

Whilst visiting old stamping grounds

They all said "Who is this?"

"He's never paid for any rounds"

"He always takes the piss"

What I want for Christmas

Cannot be bought online

The cost of postage on its own

My PayPal would decline

The reindeer is a puzzling beast

With such a red, red, nose

And its nocturnal flights may be

With Santa, I suppose

A monkey with a blue, blue arse

Has one thing on its mind

Lifting lions to the sky

Is not it, you will find

I think this form may have potential.

A tapir with a long, long nose

Sniffs the mountain air

While Delphic oracles propose

He smells a grizzly bear.

The narwhal with its long long tooth

Does the dentist fear

For if it should be taken out

Knobbly

Its narwhal friends may jeer not great, but play seemed to have stalled

The rhino with its mighty horn Shuddup at the back

Stands out among the crowd

And those that would the rhino scorn

– Viagra does them proud

We haven't seen a bird all year

Nor wildcat, pig or mole

The ’pocalypse is surely here

Each horseman played his role

I'm glad I'm not a binbag (Chalky) V good - bit of class.

Stuffed in a smelly bin

I'd rather be a pin tag (Rosie) thank you!

Despite the state I'm in.

I wish I were in Georgia

It's always on my mind

Buddy, can you find a vote?

I'll pay you back in kind.

My people do not like me

My servants even less

My family have disowned me

Hi, I'm Andrew. Did you guess?

I've only thirteen minifridges

To keep my lipstick in True, apparently

And as for cold cream just don't ask

Just warn your next-of-kin

The shortage of new jamjars

Stops me from making jam

And that is not the only thing

I do as little as I can

My colleagues do not like me An intermittent theme, although fictitious

I wonder why that is?

Maybe they are envious

That what is mine is his

My colleagues all adore me! I'm sure this must be true

I'm the apple of their eye

But when I go bananas

I know that it's a lie

My teachers say I'm awesome

But little do they know

I’m really just as boresome

As Barry Manilow

They said her name was Lola Going darn the Copa Cobana innit

The hottest in Havana

Wears corsets and a bowler

In a scintillating manner

My Quiz Group do not like me

I am the Question Master

My questions are impossible

Why don't they give up faster?

I know all the answers

The Examiner, that's me

With every paper I find fault

Which indeed fills me with glee

I wish I was a robot

Made of brass and cogs and wheels

You're made of atoms I could use

Depending how I feels

I roll across the battlefield

For I am a big cheese

The bruised and bloodied cattle yield

As I go where I please.

Hidden text

Not sure if there was a subtle reference in your line, Chalky, but it was excellent.

I wish I were a Roquefort

That stank of foul corruption

I'd spread my self upon your bread

And cause gaseous eruption.

If all the world was brave and new

And you were by my side

I think I'd might run away

Or think of suicide Invoking dark mode

Why shouldn't we reincarnate?

Recycling's all the rage!

But do not re-invent the wheel

We're not on the same page

I wish I was a satellite

And round the world I'd go

I might be known to go astray

Isaac Newton'd know.

Just one banana toastie

Then I'll have my lunch

A sausage with a roastie

Deep fried to make it crunch.

I should have done some gardening

My roses are all brown

My runner beans are hardening

And the weevils are in town

For just a million dollars

My car is up for sale

It wears a clerical collar

And runs on home-brewed ale

I closed my eyes and saw the light

And knew that death was near

He carried thirty-seven scythes

But I'm old, and have no fear.

I've eaten chicken nuggets

Hidden text

That car sounds fun, but would home brewed ale be cheaper than gasoline . . er petrol . . .

I hope they don't react

But I'll just take some precautions

I'll purge after the fact. euuuwww. Sorry.

I sing a song of sixpence

I don't have much to spend

But my birdie pie's a whopper

Some money, could you lend?

Simple Simon met a pie man Continuing the theme

Coming through the rye

Simon said "Give me your pies now"

And all he said was "Why?"

If I were Jack and you were Jill

And we were all alone

We'd not waste time with hills and pails

We'd be each on our smartphone .

A tuffet-seated missy

Was tickled by a spider

She pilled her why upon the ground

But it should have gone inside her.

Hidden text

(KS) Did you mean whey?

A little laddie dressed in blue

Slept under a pile of hay

Hidden text

[Rosie] Yes, whey and also spilled. My laptop likes to make my cursor jump all over - can hardly wait to get my new one.

While livestock ran alas amok

That night 'twas hell to pay.

The Duke of York was very grand

Ten grand in his charge

He marched them to the summit, and

Down then, by and large

A dragon went into his cave

To lay on piles of gold

All that glister, what a rave (Softers) Brilliantly prosaic

But soon its bum turned cold

An egg is such a curious thing

Bash it and it cracks

But keep it warm for many days

And you might see it hatch.

The owl said to the pussy cat

Why is your tail so long?

This pick-up line was met with a

Sling your hook - begone!

A man who came from Timbuktu

Arrived in Samarkand

And asked to use the nearest loo

When things got out of hand

I wish I were a painter (Chalky) Disgraceful

Then your house I'd decorate

I'd paint it all in tangerine

And display it at the Tate.

I've got a huge desire

For a gender change

In order to inspire

A greater thespian range.

Now look what you've done Last one v good esp pen. Ardderchog. Pum seren etc etc

There's no jelly in the jar

You've eaten all my homemade jam

And left the fridge ajar.

You ate the peanut butter

With sardines spread on toast

You're just a greedy nutter

And you've failed as a host.

It's June, and light abounds Sorry, Dujon

Tbe fireflies have come.

Hark! What are those sounds!

The firefly's burning bum

The sedge has withered from the lake

And no bird comes to make his song

And no bird comes to sing Hidden text
better fits the glow-worm metre

That beauteous woman was a fake!

(Knight's daze is misleading.)

With bluer skies and lengthening days

It's time to set the heath ablaze

A roaring fire is just the thing

To make the roasting pigeons sing - AABB silliness

I long to be a glow worm

A glow worm's never bored

A butt that shines is all they need

To get themselves adored.

I yearn to be a clerihew

But cannot break the mould

Boris Johnson is my name.

Same old, same old, same old.

Soon it'll be midsummer

The pollen count sky-high

'Cos allergy's a bummer (KagS) So it's you, is it

I often question why

I wish I were an epic

But I never learned to ep

So I'll stay among the shadows

And do so step-by-step

I wish I had a genie

In a lamp of molten brass

With a gently glowing yellow light pls pls pls...

That shines out of his arse. What you had in mind, pen?

[Raak] Yes, and thank you - but it wasn't just me. You could see the other contributors were all building up to it...
I wish that it were pay day It is actually, but that just means I can afford the poetic license to imagine that it's not

Then for a while I will feel flush

I'll have a splendid gay day

And top up my fund labelled "slush".

The ration is one verse per week

Or that's what it would seem