mc5 - Pea and Honey Recipes

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Pea and Honey Recipes

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I Eat My Peas With Honey
And tales of derring-do.
Four lines, they can be rhyming
(That's Glow Worms to me and you).
Ending line is as usual.

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Don't stand too close - they leap.

If I controlled the weather

I'd have the sun shine every day;

And moonshine every evening till

My liver wouldn't play.

I think I'll leave the country

For a better one by far

One that welcomes foreigners

I'm thinking... Myanmar?

If I had a catapult

I'd gather all the rocks

I'd launch them with a gleeful twang

While standing in my socks

I think I'll buy a mangonel

They're cheap these days, I'm told

I'd mount it on a carousel

And paint the whole thing gold.

When I become emperor Mwa ha ha

Things will change, you'll see

I'll begin to live ex tempora [Rosie] Good enough?

To reach immortality.

(Pablo) Witty but misspelt. (tempore) Sorree!

I wish I were a porn star risque mode

Impressively equipped

My everything quite monsta

Though certain bits are snipped.

I wish I were a traffic jam

Layered gooseberry, orange, and plum

Tasty, sticky immobility

Hmmmnunumnummmuhrrmnum.

If I had an elephant

I'd place him in a room

I'd take care not to mention it

In case it bringeth doom

A honey badger in the loft

Says he doesn't care [oblig]

About the ever-rising floods

Because he isn't there

Koalas ask for drinks from bikers

I think we're all stumped. The rhythm's not right. How about...
When the Drop Bear needs a drink

It asks the nearest biker

Who answers thus in dulcet tone:

Sorry, there's none. mercy killing

I wish I were a virus oblig.

To medicine immune

I'd make your atoms into mine

And your DNA subsume.

I cough and sneeze and splutter

And spray my bugs on you

Radox The Green

Which makes you think, "What utter

plain ignorance.' It's true.

I contemplate the garden

I do it from my chair

I look at all the rampant weeds

And frankly, I don't care

Radox The Green

I've just been down to Waitrose

Where the shelves are bare

But lemongrass and bamboo shoots

Are non-essential fare

I just couldn't live without kale

Sorry, the 'without' puts it into limerick metre. I'll have another go.

I've got to have my kale leaves

Ground into bright green soup

Then seasoned lightly, not too much,

Sounds disgusting gloop

There Was a Cat

I'd like to claim I'd illustrated it myself but that won't fool anyone.

Priceless. But it's not signed "By Simons Mith, aged 7 1/4"?

Nah, my handwriting's not that neat now. It does belatedly occur to me that to protect against future 404s I should have put the poem in as alt text.

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