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Pea and Honey Recipes
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I Eat My Peas With Honey
And tales of derring-do.
Four lines, they can be rhyming
(That's Glow Worms to me and you).
Ending line is as usual.
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Like semolina pud.
I wish I were a trochee
Such a wild ambition!
But my metre would be far too short
And never reach fruition
The night was dark and stormy
Inside, the fire was bright
A glass of fine Old Tawny
Helped set the world aright.
The day was fresh and breezy
The trees danced in the wind
Spring's just around the corner
Let gloves and hats be binned.
The temperature dropped slowly
Defying hopes of Spring
So back out with the woollies
Not my idea of bling.
I treat my fleas with honey
I loan them to my wife
It costs her lots of money
She says "Oi Vey! My Life!"
When supping with The Devil
I use my longest spoon
The one that is quite runcible
To offer him a prune.
When taking tea with Mater
I always add some milk.
So let me call the waiter
Or someone of that ilk.
I need a new T.V. set
To watch new TV shows
My eyes will need a reset
I stared so much they froze
I want to be with people
Intent on revolution
Not lie down with the sheeple
And hope for absolution.
I wish to make a statement
Of my own theorEE
That laws on noise abatement
Should be sung pp.
My piano is a monster
That lives beneath my bed
My mother says it haunts her
It plays inside her head.
I cannot wear this headscarf
As I have misplaced my head
And so, because I'm headless
I think I must be dead.
I wish I were a drawing pin
Holding up a drawing
'Cos I love it when you push me in
And change my cool to 'thawing' Have I denied someone else a go at rhyming this? Soz...
I wish I could procrastinate
I'll practise it some day
But when I get around to it [Kim - nice :)]
I wish I had a parakeet
I'd chat to it all day
It wouldn't get a word in, and
I have a lot to say
I wish I had a wind turbine
To place atop this hill
To generate some leccy and
Sell it to Brazil.
Brazilian electricity
Just sambas through the wires
Its elegant lubricity
Shines as bright as fires.
Definitely crispworthy, that one.

Is your fire dull and lethargic?

[If that's not glow-wormy enough, feel free to kick it to the kerb.]
If so, it needs more draught I could do with a good draught
Anoint it with some spagyric
(The fan of alchemistic craft) Owwwww.
Hmm, let's try to get back to some good meter and rhyme here . . . hopefully.

If I had an ardvark
I'd set a leopard on it being basically a nasty sod
But as it's armour plated
[Software] As what is armour plated?
(Kim) Shurely the aardvark.
The leopard might not wannit.
I quite liked that one.
Yes, you can bring a leopard to an aardvark, but...
If I had a leopard
And took it for a walk
I then would be in jeopard'
And passers-by would squawk.
[Rosie, Software] But there is no aardvark. The aardvark is merely conjectural. A merely conjectural aardvark cannot be armour-plated.
(Kim) Logically, a conjectural aardvark may take any form whatever within the confines of overall aardvarkiness. It is my contention that such limits do not exclude armour plating or, indeed, a chastity belt.
[Rosie] Agreed, but then ipso facto the armour would also be conjectural.
[Kim]. Nooo, if it wasn't for the chastity belt, then the amour is conjugal.
I don't regret my snarkiness
In fact, it makes me proud
With just one pithy put-down, I [Pen: agreed, but for successful conjugation you have to be in the right mood.]
I stand above the crowd
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