mc5 - Pea and Honey Recipes

Which Ma might say is messy

Neophyte

But oh : the umami's so right

But still I look a jessie

I eat my peas with relish

It's fluorescent yellow

The egg-spoon that I eat them with

I stole from some poor fellow.

CdM

I like my peas reet mushy

For I'm a northern lad

blamelewis

To those wha claim it's grim oop here (apologies for clunky accent)

Ah'll tell 'ee, tha's bin had!

They're holding pea stalks as we speak

We're hoping there won't be a leek

Of a limerick style
Because in a while
Someone will give us a tweak

I wish I had the muscle

To lift this pile of bricks

But sadly I'm a wimpy man

With arms and legs like sticks

I wish I were a spaceman

I'd float around all day

Until my tank of oxygen

Had leaked my air away.

I wish I were eighteen again

But knew all I now know

I'd find it hard to fall in love

Then marriage wouldn't flow

I wish I were a Jabberwock

With eyes aflame and such

I'd wish you all a frabjous day

And other double Dutch

Chalky

If I could find a beaten sword

Then I would be a winner;

A plowshare would be my reward

And I could sow me dinner

I wish I were in marketing

CdM

In charge of famous brands

I'd trash their corporate image

With my small, dirty hands!

I wish I were a maestro

A crappy Rover car

Though I might get called a tin can

I wouldn't take you far mercy killing.

I wish my legs were stronger

Than those of Usain Bolt

His speed makes him much wonga

I'm poor - my short legs' fault.

Now, Scottish independence *stands back*

Wis thocht up doon the pub

W'all agreed tha' snooty Dave

Should nae be in oor club.

I wish I spoke Italian

I'd chat up all the birds

I'd be a right rapscallion

'Cos ladies don't like nerds

I wish I spoke Swahili

It sounds so unlike Dutch

irach

Yet Swahili's word for "penguin"

Don't change very much

My shoes are nice and shiny

Just like my nose, alas

My hair sticks up quite spiny Curious that shoe polish shines shoes, but dulls noses.

And the sun shines out my as...

...pidistra in the parlour

Victoriana chic

'Tis worthy of La Scala

gil

I know whereof I speak

New Line

Software - I wish I'd been I K Brunel

Beneath my stovepipe hat

'Midst belching chimneys I would dwell

But in a mansion, not a flat.

I wish I were an oak tree

Upon the village green

Bolts of lightning do their worst

To this bucolic scene.

I wish I played the mandolin

Just like Captain Corelli

And kept a tame-ish pangolin

As seen on the telly

The poetry of Robbie Burns

Chalky

Was newly sprung in June

It shone and stank a bit, in turns

Just like the changing moon.

The plays of William Shakespeare

Go on for far too long

But for luvvies in the green room

More time to play ping-pong!

If I could play the tenor sax

The girls would coo and swoon

But I am just a drummer

And so they boo and moon!

If I were in a pantomime

I'd be a panto horse

gil

The head and front legs would be fine

The rear's more fun, of course.

If I were not upon the stage Was it just our local panto that had a big song and dance about this?

A prompter I would be

But only for a living wage

blamelewis

I'll not shout lines for free!

If I lived in the desert

I'd change my name to 'Sandy'

gil

My visage may seem weathered

SImons

But I make the camels randy!

To welcome in the Noo Year

I have not said a word

Phi

I've been in here for 5 days now

Knobbly

And nothing has occurred...

If I were just a dicky-bird (Phil) Fie to your orthography, sir!

You wouldn't get a peep

I'd tuck my head beneath my wing

And feign to be asleep

I glide above on silent wings

And spy my prey below

Juicy little worms and things

But I'd prefer merlot

So did you keep the cellar locked?

The Thing's escaped again!

Chalky

The residents are very shocked

They're all saying you're insane.

My clothes are mostly second-hand

But not my knickers and bra

I crocheted them myself from string

D'you think I've gone too far?

I wish I were a ball-cock

A regulating system

Preventing too much water

Do I have to? I thought I had made it easy. An imperfect rhyme, I know, but close enough...
From gettng in your cistern.

The best thing about choc'late

Apart from everything else

Is that it's made of chocolate

And melts at 40 Cels. Bit of a hard rhyme there. Welsh? Bells? Pulse?