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Pea and Honey Recipes
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I Eat My Peas With Honey
And tales of derring-do.
Four lines, they can be rhyming
(That's Glow Worms to me and you).
Ending line is as usual.
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The fish would squirm and splutter
And if the Alps were made of toast
I'd spread them with snow butter
If you and I were ponies
We'd have a trick or two
We'd dance like Darcey Bussell
With fetlocks en tendu
If 2 and 2 made twenty-two
Two twos would make it too
And two ones too, when timesed by two
I don't give a sod, do you?
[SW] Actually I do. Spoilsport. And after your elegant finale to the last one ... :(
If I woke up with great big wings
I'd take a look at higher things it still fits with the rhyme scheme, AABB,
From somewhere in the stratosphere
For I am bold. What matters fear?
I wish I had an ice cold beer [Chalks] sorry, sorry, sorry
To slake my sun-baked thirst
A lovely glass of Budweiser [Now you're upsetting the real ale nuts. :-) Ice cold is how you serve American horse piss, because at 0° you can't taste how horrible it is.]
With CO2 I'll burst. BURP! (SM) Why on earth do people do it?
If you served that ice-cold muck
I'd assume it was a joke
With such stuff I'll have no truck
I'll stick to rum and coke
Happy hour will soon be here
I'll therefore order double
So whiskey whiskey beer beer
And tons of Dubble Bubble
Hidden textoops forgot this

I'm glad I'm not a snowflake
For if I was I'd melt
For all of my uniqueness
Could no longer be felt.
I'd rather be inside than out
And up instead of down
The Burj Khalifa's just the place
To enjoy a meaningless poem that doesn't scan, rhyme, or make any sense.

ahem ..
I'd rather be inside than out
And up instead of down
The Burf Khalifa's just the place
A jewel in Dubai's crown

[Chalky] Well done!
My birthday is over quite soon
Hidden text2 minutes, I believe
And I am still quite sober
I'm in the center of the room
Hidden textWhat was the deal with that last line, Botherer? Chalkly completed that poem quite well! Are you bitter?
Alone until October
Now this one really IS a hotchpotch of dodgy scansion, rhyme & sense :) [Raak & Kagome] Ta
Hidden textKS my apologies, I misread the scansion of your first line as a limerick! It does work as one, if you try hard enough... and I'm often told I'm very trying!

If Botherer had half a brain
The other half being mine
With Chalky's looks, and Néa's books
We'd have a real good time
The child of such a union
Stands very little chance
Of Anglican Communion
Or learning how to dance.
I wish I were a tube train
In tunnels I'd find joy
I lost her there a week ago
Amongst the hoi polloi.
Hidden text"the hoi polloi" is one of those constructions I normally try to avoid, like "PIN Number" and "ATM machine", as "hoi" means "the", but I'll claim poetic licence on this occasion

(Phil) What about "foot pedal" and "safe haven"? :-)
[Rosie] "foot pedal" is ghastly, "safe haven" I don't have such a problem with, as the "refuge" sense appears to be only 800 years old, much younger than the original meaning of "harbour". Distantly related to the Welsh "Aber-", I wonder, even though we both know that means "estuary"?
I'm glad I'm not an omnibus
A-stopping and a-starting (Phil) "Aber" also means "confluence", of which there are many examples. Confirmed by Y Geiriadur Mawr, "The Big Dictionary".
Cruising in polluted fug
With exhaust fumes a-farting.
Were I an oxymoron [Softers, Rosie] I'm wondering whether there is a game to be had out of your discussion.
I'd be so bittersweet [Kim] are you mixing me up with Softers?
With logical emotion
I'd be blatantly discreet. (Phil) I reckon so. (Kim) I don't think it would run very long but could be worth a try.
I'd love to mix a metaphor
In my electric blender
A sumptuous verbal cocktail that
Is the Colemanballs agenda.
C, R, K, R - very splendid. Rhyming, scanning and funning.
A cocktail of artistic styles Don't panic - this can scan & rhyme A, A, B, B
Cubist, batik and tiles If you say so, Miss. *quakes*
Will create illusion
And confusion. Um.
I'm stealing all the openings
And me the scond lines (Softers, Raak) That's quite clerihewish. Shall we have a Clerihew game?
I'll half-inch one 'e' in five
And I'll just issue fines.
I've knocked pen off her perch
And now await her wrath
I'll meet it by yon silver birch - [Rosie] Clearly you're asking the wrong people - I say yes let's!
In ashes and sackcloth
I wish I spoke Hungarian
Bolivian or Urdu
Instead of Rastafarian
Here in Eglwyswrw
Can you confirm it's Thursday?
I've suddenly lost faith
I'll let you know tomorrow
If it comes back as a wraith .. somewhat limited opportunities for a noteworthy Line 4. Sorry.
My thister wath a lithper
They thay that I wath too
Tho I thpeak in a whithper (Chalky) Ahem, thithter.
My thithter thouts through her thoe
Oh FFTh! Thcanthion ruined again :(
*sigh*
Let's try again ..
I find it hard to woll my r's
- My hips are much too stiff
So maybe my new implants
Will make me sound like Cliff Wichard
[Pen] "Move", surely?
With lips as big as Jagger's
And hips like Elvis P
The hands of Paganini
What a sexy freak I'd be!
Autumn leaves are turning brown
Bikini prices coming down
Winter woollies trending up
Then the sodding FA Cup.
I hope I'll rhyme ABAB
Like 'glow-worms' mostly do
I'm not a freakish rhyme, you see
My name's penelope.
A house divided cannot stand
If walls are made of paper
And living in a house of glass
Is not my kind of caper. I seem to have cocked up the last one rather gormlessly.
I'm glad that I'm not Rosie Indeed - I'm amazed you got away with it, frankly :-)
For he's got a girly name [Rosie, Phil] Assumed it was an example of postmodernistic irony ..
His real one? Don't be nosey
That'd spoil his claim to fame
I wish the House of Tudor
Were not so full of beams
Its workmanship is cruder
It comes loose at the seams.
Thus fell the House of Usher
With all-pervading gloom
'Twas worse than Soviet Russia
But filmed - as was 'Khartoum' - which also fell.
[Chalky] I always thought they should make an animated version.
I'm glad I'm not Vince Cable
I really really am
It's sad that he's not able
To plug the cashflow dam
I wish I had an air balloon
I'd fly above your house
Sing love songs like a right buffoon
Until you are my spouse
I hate the thought of housework
It makes me quake with fear
Thank goodness for my Dyson®
And my maid from South Korea. Guffawed at the balloon one - cheers Pen/Phil
I have a pip stuck in my teeth I giggled at the housework one. I'm 50% there.
(That's too much information)
I think it's time for flossing
And a quick expectoration
I wish I were a garden rake Shut up at the back.
A snag-toothed tidier-upper
I'd lie hidden in the grass
A slapstick tripper-upper.
I wish I had a pint of beer
Just like Nigel Farage
I'd drink it down most publicly
There's nowt to disparage Can we stop trying to rhyme things with 'Farage'? It limits the potential of t'rhymes. Ta v much.
When motorists are naughty
I give them one quick toot
And shout "You're doing forty" (pen) I wasn't. First appearance of Mr UKIP in this game.
On the motorway to boot
I wish I were on holiday
Boating on the Kennett
Just sitting back and reading prose
Or scripts from Alan Bennett
If only I were twenty [Rosie] Pen may have been thinking of Mr. Farage's recent appearance in one of the limerick games.
And callow in my ways
I'd dream of lands of plenty
And my many different lays coat!
If I were only forty
I'd be half what I am now
Though not in age, let it be said
I'm just fat - and how!
If I should stumble over
And need help getting up
To hire a crane is rather rude
But sorry - needs must - yup! ... notably few rhymes for 'up'
My waistline is expanding
Oh, what a brave admission
My feet are slow shrinking
With every inch addition
The time has come for action
A fitness plan perhaps
Holds less of an attraction
Than deep-fried bacon baps
I have no time for deadlines
I've better things to do
Like read a book or solve some crimes
Or pop off to the loo
[SM] I genuinely spent over five minutes manfully resisting "loo" and "poo". Congratulations on giving in to your inner schoolboy :-)
I wish I were a toilet roll (Phil) Same here, largely because I thought I'd give you a go. Imagine my disappointment, though SM has valiantly maintained the tradition.
The hard kind, not the soft Oh-er, memories of school
Sitting unused is the goal
So stash it in the loft.
The phoenix' cry is rarely heard Let's try and raise the tone a bit.
A song so cold and bleak
For it is an ornery bird
And someone glued its beak. There's classy ...
I took a class in classic art
I now know Bosch from Dürer
But the paintings in my pantry
Are somewhat more obscurer
Pre-Raphaelite is more my thing
It's simply more expressive
Dante and his art-for-art
And ladies part-undressive
The cubists' art is thus defined:
Abstract with no perspective
Which makes it look less like the real
And more like the subjective.
All art is tosh, I would opine
Except for this piece by Divine
.. are we venturing into limerickese?
[Chalky] My line can swing either way
Raphael, portraying Madonna
With very few garments upon 'er.
Sorry, I don't usually double-post, but it seemed right. Also, if you substitute "I'd" for "I would" in the first line, it scans quite nicely.
I wish I were a grease gun
Hidden textBang, bang; you're slippery.
To you nipple I'd be put
I'd keep your bearings running free
With mayhem underfoot
The joy of lubrication
Is lost on all my friends
They much prefer fixation
Of all their bits and ends.
The benefits of friction
Should not be understated
Since rubbing up the wrong way
Can make me quite elated
He recommended traction [Phil] hehe
And an orthopaedic brace [R, p, P] I was thinking about "The use of prophylactics/ being highly over-rated", but didn't want to triple-post.
I had the satisfaction
Next week they hear my case
I came across this thoughtful item and decided to share it with you. It's a lyric from a song by Dory Previn.>
We never stop to wonder
Until a person's gone
We never yearn to know him
Until he's travelled on

[Software] Splendid 4th line. I was expecting something like "Of pummelling his face", but yours was much better :-)
The art of writing lyrics
When all is said and done
Depends upon the music
And the 'Dum-de-dum-de-dum' I think I've got the metre right, even if it's not a perfect rhyme...
[pen] Do you know the Monty Python sketch about Denis Moore? It's apposite.
I'm very fond of lupins
And shrubberies are nice
But best of all are cacti
Distilled and served with ice
My brother is a tailor he's actually a programmer. worked on the 'Halo' game franchise.
He sewed my new blue jeans 'Sun-up Alterations, Zips Mended While-U-Wait'>
My father was a gambling man
Way down in Whitmore Reans
My papa was a preacher man
And so was Billy Ray's
When he stole kisses from me
I was young - it was a phase.
I close my eyes and count
To ten - that was the plan
Alas I fell asleep at six
Finish for me if you can
I wish I were an aardvark
First in the alphabet
Alas I am a zebra
But ahead of the zzxjoanw yet.
Qaanaaq is in Greenland
Its night life must be seen
This requires a microscope
So you must be very keen
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