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The Banter Page
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If you're wanting to get something off your chest, make general comments about the server, or post lonely hearts ads, then this is the place for you.
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27°C in Melbourne yesterday. About the same today. Parents fly out to Perth and thence back to Scotland tomorrow. Sister and family arrive on Tuesday. 2am arrival, bloody inconsiderate if you ask me.
Upstage
[Rosie] The late news reported a peak of 22.8C.
Got sunburn yesterday in London
(G III) As it's only early April you must have been exposing parts of the body on which the sun don't normally shine, and if you got away with it, good for you.
Train clocks (long)
I've no idea where to put this, so here'll do. Perusing the Evening Standard on my way over to my current temporary place of residence, I espied a full-page advertisement for a 'Flying Scotsman clock'. This appeared to be a combined exercise in kitsch, model railways and clockmaking, and all credit to the company concerned for coming up with the idea. For just five low payments of £24.99 this superb work could be yours, or mine, or someone else's.

Now, two things struck me about this edifice. The first thing was that it included a circular track upon which a model Flying Scotsman train would appear at hourly intervals to mark the passage of time. All well and good. But curiously, not only was the track circular, but the model locomotives and carriages that used it were themselves curiously (but clearly necessarily) banana-shaped. I've never seen this in any full-sized item of rolling stock, and I was consequently surprised that such a deviation from reality was considered acceptable in the model. I wondered to myself whether the model was OO-gauge, because I think I'd quite like to own a banana-shaped locomotive, even if it could only go round corners of a tightly-prescribed radius. Impractical even on the smallest layout, but unarguably entertaining. I also wondered whether these remarkable machines were available in right-handed variants too.

The second thing that struck me was that this clock-making company was making (or, at least, expects to make) enough profit from these devices to justify putting a full-page advertisement in a high-circulation newspaper. Now, assuming the cost to manufacture one of these clocks is in the region of 20–30 pounds, that still requires quite a lot of people willing to shell out for one before the cost of a full-page spread (a few grand, I suspect) justifies itself. So who are these train-, clock- and kitsch-loving individuals, and how many of them are out there running loose?? I think we should be told.

Whoops
Went to the shopping centre to buy some stuff for the BoRiS and came back with an iPhone. Had a look at one of those Android jobbies too but was more impressed with the iPhone than I anticipated.
Win!
Picked the National winner and Mrs Software had the second. Celebrations over the weekend.
Friday Friday Friday
Busy busy busy... if I work all day tomorrow from home, I should get through enough work to be able to catch the ferry to Blighty on Wednesday evening to go and have fish and chips with my mum.
Now where pen?
Please tell me...using this map. http://www.anagramtubemap.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/
No fair...I had to look of the doddery lady question's answer to post!
(Giertrud) Blighty is a very old affectionate slang term for Britain and has a sense of "home".
oh!
Then...all of that ... and more.
[Simons Mith] Never underestimate the propensity of the great unwashed to spend their money on tat. Take for example this wonderful Priness Diana Porcelain Baby Doll. Surely the work of a demented mind. Or perhaps you'd like to see a Wall Mounted Motorbike Cuckoo clock. This was advertised in my free monthly RACV magazine and gave me a chuckle. It makes me wonder what sort of operation is required to completely remove someone's sense of taste. But it must be cheap.
gopping
[nfras] *bokes*
Filing from Provence
[Pen] Did you also always read the warning sign as saying 'Thonk Boke'?
[INJ] erm... not that I can remember. Here we have 'Gordels om, ook in achterin'. So belt up.
BTW, what are you doing having a Fling in Provence? Does Mrs INJ know?
Shrinking violet
I am dieting. Just so you know. Day 2...
Not fade away
Have you bought the dress already?
[Softers] Part 1 is 'one-size-fits-all' and has been reserved at the Posh Frock Shop. (That's a completely unhelpful description - in fact it's a rather fabulous and very expensive Japanese jacket.) My mum is using her pensioner's bus pass to travel to buy it later this week. Part 2 will be made to measure.
it can't be just me, can it?
Isn't it a bit quiet around here? Are you all busy or what?
Writing my CV
'Tis a little on the quiet side this week.
Shhhh! Be vewy, vewy quiet.
Grading exams
F, F, F, F minus, F, F minus, F plus, F, F, F, F, F plus, F minusminus, F minus, F minus, F, F, F minus...
Showing off
(Phil) 105 what?
[CdM] Sounds like you might need to widen your scale a bit...

Yesterday I embarked on a 12 hour round trip to be asked three questions by a US visa official. The good news is that the visa is approved, so I don't have to return with any additional documentation which is a relief, as the train fare to London is not cheap.

Meanwhile we're just waiting for rab Jr to arrive. Some friends of ours were three months early which has put the wind up us...

[Rosie] 105 lies to help me get a job.
The land of the free...
[rab] what's the point of the Edinburgh consulate?
Pointiness
Emergency passports for US citizens. My wife needed one once, so the proximity was very handy.
(Phil) A purveyor of that which cheers? Best of luck, whatever you do. Out-of-work is not good for anyone and it's happened to me three times.
[Rosie, Phil] Out-of-work has been happening to me for 3 years now, and boy is it ever getting the better of my sanity.
Hidden textWibble

Maybe I should try the lying...
C (Lie) V
[Knobbers] Why not? I'm sure lots of people do.
Statement contrary to reality
I wouldn't. Particularly as anyone who's any good as a wordsmith can use the truth to say what they want without actually needing to lie.
it's on the noticeboard...
I feel fairly confident that no-one will make any objections to the notice of impending marriage between the windy miller and me, which for the next three weeks will be pinned on the noticeboard, almost behind the filing cabinet, in the inner porch of the back door of the British Consulate in Amsterdam. You have to speak through the intercom to the grumpy security guard at the front door, and again at the back door intercom to get in there, so I doubt you'll get in anyway. I took a friend with me to Amsterdam today, and she had to wait on the street until I complained to the consul officer, and he sent the guard out to bring her in.
I would protest in the strongest terms, if I had good reason, and/or could be bothered...so feel free, and go ahead!
Beware of the Leopard
[Pen] Congratulations. Break a leg, as I think they say in Belgium :-)
It should be banned
I trust it's written in English, translated from the Dutch via Estonian, Kurdish, American Sign Language and Xhosa. That sounds like a good excuse for a gin.
chin chin
[INJ] Indeed. Cheers. :o)
(pen) Never tried it - there aren't enough saints to choose from. Works for some and I hope it does for you.
the knot
Congrats is the usual thing. I tried it once, but the wheels fell off after a while, didn't stop me doing it again though, but that was for pension reasons.
[Softers] This is like getting my first car at the age of 46. Although, of course, I actually passed my driving test at 17 and bought my first car at 23. And somewhere halfway through that analogy, it stopped working. I'm marrying the windy miller for his money and for the free flour.
(pen) Not going Dutch, then. :-)
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