[Raak] eeek! For a real treat why not try our Speciality Cappuccino flavoured with rodentessence and topped with bright pink froth. Chocolate sprinkles [mouse droppings] optional

[Chalky] I only just spotted your reply to my eardrums complaint and can't for the life of me remember what the problem was.

Hello, Middle Age.

[nights] Never mind. Middle Age comes to us all - but I must admit - it's really bloody annoying most of the time.

As some wise person said, growing old sucks, but it is better than the alternative.

Both good points. However I feel especially aggrieved about what this all means for me, as I'm not yet 25.

I was interviewed by Jim Naughtie on the Today programme this morning. It was absolutely terrifying. It was at 6.52 in the morning, when all sensible people would have been asleep. I think I was too.