(rab) Are you a victim of Capita, or Crapita as Private Eye calls them? Why do we pay these people? Because they're cheap and nasty and cheapness is all that matters. Chalky's suggestion, though a comfort, is implausible.

(Takes deep breath before launching into boring story of evil ex-boss) Let me tell you about my evil ex-boss. He was the most evil and deeply twisted person I have ever imagined (apart from my sister, obviously). He trusted nobody. Thus, my immediate boss was in charge of the company's finances, but he couldn't sign cheques. Only Bob (EE-B) could do that. And if Bob didn't want to sign a cheque, he wouldn't. Thus, cheques that had been written to pay bills were rudely returned to us if the bill had not already gone beyond the second warning and become a lawyer's letter setting a date for the court action ("ONLY AN IDIOT PAYS A BILL WHEN IT ARRIVES!"). This principle extended to employees' wages, which were also all paid by cheque. If Bob was in a bad mood (which was pretty much all the time) he would simply not sign them and we would all have to wait indefinitely for our money. What of our contracts? Ha, we didn't have any, because Bob didn't like contracts. Why did anyone work there? People either left within a couple of days or had their spirits utterly broken and became trapped. I escaped after seven months. I would further list Bob's other charming characteristics (his habit of chain-smoking cheap American cigars, his casual racism and sexism, his astonishing right-wing views, his incomprehensibility, owing to a combination of an American accent with the effects of having chain-smoked said cigars for, apparently, several centuries) but I won't. The point is: we considered ourselves lucky if we got paid at all.

My boss is great, honestly. Sorry. Anyway, shouldn't we be enjoying ISAHAC on the airwaves about now? Or have I missed it?

The new series beings on 06/12/04 with Linda Smith joining the regulars at the Anvil Theatre, Basingstoke. Andy Hamilton will be guesting at the New Theatre, Hull, followed by a Best of the Year show on 27/12/04. After that I'm not sure

new series of ISIHAC? martha you've made me the happiest man in the south west. off to the pub to celebrate - watch out for drunken postings later on!

Hamish and Dougal's Hogmanay, featuring an all-star cast and copious tea-drinking, on New Year's Eve at 11.20pm. And there's a News Quiz of the Year. And the rest of the Xmas TV schedule sucks

Radio, I meant. And the TV schedule succks too, but that goes without saying

Zhooomph!!