arrow_circle_left arrow_circle_up arrow_circle_right
The Banter Page
help
If you're wanting to get something off your chest, make general comments about the server, or post lonely hearts ads, then this is the place for you.
arrow_circle_up
freshness?
[rab] Seeking a feeling of freshness? Try changing your underpants!
naaah, I'm all for a few changes. Go ahead. Cull a few.
From the eats, shoots and leaves department
Email just received: "I have mail for Dr. Factory Mallard. Please email me, his room number or department."

[pen] May I assure you that my gussets are always lemon-fresh.

I agree with everybody. a fresh start is a scary prospect, but quite an attractive one I'll admit. kill some things that seem twisted and nasty, and plant some fresh young vibrant things. or start a new game, whichever you prefer.
What the Furc...
The Furcation Game is an undoubted work of art, but the last serious move [Tuj] was 4 months ago and it seems to be in a sufficient state of decay to be attracting the local graffiti artists. Is anyone planning another megapost, or should it quietly pass into history?
Furcing hell
I vote for putting it below the line. It can always be reinstated on special occasions, monarch's birthdays and the like as required. Except I'll have to do this 'behind the scenes' as the game is, in fact, unwinnable. One more vote (from someone like Tuj, Martha or matt) and I'll do it.
Oh, and can I suggest that for Tag Wrestling, the two team colours be navy and crimson?
*rushing in and out *
Bags I be Crimson - [navy don't look much different on my browser]- please someone start the game - haven't even got time to look back and see what we consenced on ... never mind compose a suitably beguiling, witty pre-match talk ...
OK, how about cornflower blue instead?
Lovely, petal :-)
Tagnation
Who's in which team?
I guess you join the team who's turn it is by making a move.
rab] Or the cornflower team if you want to win, of course.
Re: the games crisis (or not), I'm of course staunchly in favour of keeping the Furcation Game going, which hopefully doesn't make me unique... unless you want to cryogenically freeze it (with its own special not-quite-in-the-archives bit on the games list, o' coruse) - provided something similarly gargantuan is put up in its stead, like Acre Street or a Long Winded Variant. Just to discourage the itninerant game starters Chalky moaned about (seconded). And what exactly has been got into with the "what have i got myself into" game? Its ugly unpunctuated appearance on the page angers me...
NB
"O' coruse" is ancient Gaelic for "naturally". That did affect the punctuation of that sentence too...
Blimey Tuj - such erudition! But glad you're still speaking to me :-) [clue = Scissor Sisters]
I'll be brutally honest, I've never understood the furcation game, so it's passing is no great worry to me.

I wish I could look at the rest of the site but I have printing to do so it'll have to wait until lunchtime now. bother.
Special status
I think a special status for the Furcation Game would be appropriate... I'll just have to think a little about what that would actually mean.
I vote special status for the Furc Game. So there :oP
Jolly Good
And that might just be the fillip I need to get cracking with a new move over the Christmas break.
it's a sad state of affairs when I'm on campus from 08h45, and my first opportunity to check these boards is now, 17h07. today, however, has been an exceptionally busy day. grr.
Business
Students working... whatever next?
rab] Good luck with Fillip. And was that really Martha Farquar?
[tuj] crikey I hadn't noticed... hello Martha!
[rab] oh hee hee, yes we're all awfully lazy, we never work, etc etc...
[nights] Who said Uni. wasn't a good training ground for a 9 to 5 job? Welcome to the real world, sir. The world where such hours are considered to be short and there's no student union available for cheap beer and there's no lovely undergraduates gracing the premises and where everyone grows old and where ... *sobs*
PC erratum
That should have read: " . . . no intelligent . . . "
Time-inappropriate recreational activity
(Duj) So what are you doing in here during working hours? We know where you live. :-)
Trawling for intelligent undergraduates, Rosie. I thought that was obvious. .   ;-)
Yeah, 'n mi 'ouse is allus open for them I just said, rite?
[nights] That was a tongue-in-cheek comment.

But what's going on here? Why was the Tag Wrestling just killed like that instead of having another round? Why are other games that should have been killed twenty years ago still limping on with festering wounds and a slightly disgusting smell? Why do I bother?

[rab] sorry I don't think my eyes were focusing. looking at it now you were being quite clearly humourous, and my brain just didn't process it. It's doing that a worrying amount. gaaah. I'll not bring up university again.
and I'm not sure why you bother, but I really am glad you do, as it gives largely computer illiterate buffoons like me the chance to have a bit of a laugh on a daily basis, and that's something to be pleased with, I think.

[Dujon] it's ok, I know full well what 9 to 5 is like, I do it most summers (well, the last two anyway) at our local council as an admin assistant. unlike a lot of students, I do actually know what work IS (moan moan moan, grumble, shake wiggle wiggle - I'll shut up now.)
Sorry if I seem grumpy today - the reason being that I am. A slight hangover is not helping the fact that due to a "system error" (aka fuckup) I've not been paid. And since I've not yet had any opportunity to hand anyone my P45, I expect that when the 'emergency payment' is made on Monday (assuming no further fuckups) it'll be taxed to buggery as well and take about six months to sort itself out. I really have no idea why we pay these people.
looking on the bright side
Perhaps they haven't been paid either :-)
Non-payment
(rab) Are you a victim of Capita, or Crapita as Private Eye calls them? Why do we pay these people? Because they're cheap and nasty and cheapness is all that matters. Chalky's suggestion, though a comfort, is implausible.
(Takes deep breath before launching into boring story of evil ex-boss) Let me tell you about my evil ex-boss. He was the most evil and deeply twisted person I have ever imagined (apart from my sister, obviously). He trusted nobody. Thus, my immediate boss was in charge of the company's finances, but he couldn't sign cheques. Only Bob (EE-B) could do that. And if Bob didn't want to sign a cheque, he wouldn't. Thus, cheques that had been written to pay bills were rudely returned to us if the bill had not already gone beyond the second warning and become a lawyer's letter setting a date for the court action ("ONLY AN IDIOT PAYS A BILL WHEN IT ARRIVES!"). This principle extended to employees' wages, which were also all paid by cheque. If Bob was in a bad mood (which was pretty much all the time) he would simply not sign them and we would all have to wait indefinitely for our money. What of our contracts? Ha, we didn't have any, because Bob didn't like contracts. Why did anyone work there? People either left within a couple of days or had their spirits utterly broken and became trapped. I escaped after seven months. I would further list Bob's other charming characteristics (his habit of chain-smoking cheap American cigars, his casual racism and sexism, his astonishing right-wing views, his incomprehensibility, owing to a combination of an American accent with the effects of having chain-smoked said cigars for, apparently, several centuries) but I won't. The point is: we considered ourselves lucky if we got paid at all.
My boss is great, honestly. Sorry. Anyway, shouldn't we be enjoying ISAHAC on the airwaves about now? Or have I missed it?
ISIHAC
The new series beings on 06/12/04 with Linda Smith joining the regulars at the Anvil Theatre, Basingstoke. Andy Hamilton will be guesting at the New Theatre, Hull, followed by a Best of the Year show on 27/12/04. After that I'm not sure
:) :) :) :) :)
new series of ISIHAC? martha you've made me the happiest man in the south west. off to the pub to celebrate - watch out for drunken postings later on!
Oh, forgot to mention...
Hamish and Dougal's Hogmanay, featuring an all-star cast and copious tea-drinking, on New Year's Eve at 11.20pm. And there's a News Quiz of the Year. And the rest of the Xmas TV schedule sucks
Radio, I meant. And the TV schedule succks too, but that goes without saying

Zhooomph!!

What was that??
I don't know, it went without saying
[Martha] Many thanks for the information.
Cull
6 games below the line... And the Furcation Game to sort of so on the line... and I have half a mind to give "what have i got myself into" the euthanasia treatment... Exciting times. New tag variant very good.
Hmm, put a rogue "so" in there. No idea why.
[Tuj] perhaps to keep the rest of us on our toes. I'd do some euthanising myself but I'm frankly afraid to, given the jolly big mess I made on Orange.
Saedi
nights] Of course, what would really shake things up would be to end the Long Game and the Limericks game and replace those with reverse versions too...
[Tuj] The Reverse Long Game would never start!
There did used to be a Long esreveR Game at York, which eventually began, I believe.
Wouldn't an esreveR game simply be Reverse Reverse, and therefore normal?
*opens mouth to give smart-aleck answer, then closes it again when he realises how confused he is*
I have mooed a new direction for the lost consonant game. Not sure if it will ork.
Lemon fresh
Hmmm... things are certainly feeling much fresher round here. Job update: I now, finally, have a contract. I'm going to head along to salaries after a lunchtime meeting so I have the whole afternoon to moan at people. Looking forward to it...
Where am I?
Thought I'd taken a wrong turn for a minute then! Just returned from a fortnight's jolly to find all the furniture at home moved into different rooms (due to flood) and a similarly re-vamped MC site (although with rather less water involved and altogether more entertaining). [Rab] good for you! Get it all out of your system - you'll feel much better!
Scary Mary
Hello there, Ella. I was wondering what had happened to you - and hoping we hadn't scared you off. Didn't get much moaning done, sadly - everything seems to have worked out. Indeed, my pension contributions may even have been kept up to date, which is the main thing. Now... let's see how/when/if I can get a staff card...
Petrified
I'm not scared Rab, but should I be?
[rab] hooray that your job problems got sorted out - I'm going through a bit of a 'mare with *a certain well known UK based supermarket chain*, oddly enough, about contracts. I'm still on one contract, even though I should be on a higher one as I do more hours a week than that. grr. still, at least the christmas carols over the PA haven't started yet.
[Ella] No, no, no, no, no. Of course not. Nothing to be worried about at all. Perfectly normal group of people here. No risk, no danger. Nothing to worry about. No need to worry about a thing. Just ignore rab. Don't worry about a thing.
*leaves trail of dust as she leaves Mornington Cresent at high speed* :-)
Ella
Silly girl, doesn't she know she's in spoon? Running away won't fix that ...
it's gone awful quiet on here, so I'm going to borrow a technique from a message board I used to frequent. So, what is everyone listening to?
One side of a colleague's telephone conversation and the annoyingly-pitched fan in my laptop. In the distance is the quiet, repetitive shhh-clunk of a digital copying machine...
office sounds
The hum and grind of the printer trying to staple 400 documents, the tap of keyboards, and the intermittent muttered oaths and curses of colleagues as they get on with their day-to-day work. And I'm hoping that sometime soon, one of them is going to ask me if I want any lunch fetching from the supermarket... some hope.
I'm listening to PMQT. Rock on!
A presentation given by students at a posh 'do' at the top of Canary Wharf tower :) Nobody's asking any questions.
My colleague, typing. And the distant waft of Christmas CDs from the adjacent office.
An episode of the Simpsons I've got on the DVD player. (The joys of working at home.)
(aka penelope)
This is to let you know that on Monday December 13th there will be a special recording at the Cochrane Theatre, Southampton Row, London WC1 (nearest tube: Holborn) of a show starring the cast of "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" and entitled "Hamish & Dougal's Hogmanay Special", which is due to transmit on Radio 4 on New Year's Eve from 11.30pm till Midnight.
Regular listeners to "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" will know of Hamish and Dougal from their frequent appearances in the 'Sound Charades' round. Radio 4 have already broadcast two series featuring Hamish & Dougal, starring Barry Cryer and Graeme Garden in the title roles, with Alison Steadman playing their housekeeper Mrs Naughtie, and Jeremy Hardy playing the local laird.
This one-off special show will include the regular cast, with appearances from Humphrey Lyttelton, Tim Brooke-Taylor, Sandi Toksvig and Colin Sell, with some additional surprise guests. The show starts recording at 7.30pm, with doors opening at 7pm.
The Cochrane is not a large theatre (there are just 300 seats available) so you'll need to act soon to secure a ticket. The tickets cost £8 each and are obtainable from the theatre's box office on 020 7269 1606. Tickets will be on sale from today (Wednesday 1st December) From 1.30pm and thereafter the box office is open from 10am-6pm Monday to Friday, and 12pm-3pm on Saturday and Sunday. If the tickets have not sold out by the send of the week we will put them on sale to the general public. The next series of 'I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue' starts transmitting on Radio 4 on Monday 6th December at 6.30pm, with a repeat on the following Sunday at 12.04pm. It runs for six weeks including a 'Best Of' programme from the past year. Recordings of the Spring Series of the show in 2005 will probably take place in May or June, so expect notification of these recordings in March or April.
La musica
nights] You've asked this before. And the answer is 1) my stomach gurgling and 2) Lemon Jelly.
listening
OK - this is WAY later than you asked the question - but I am currently listening to a prog on BBC1 about Brian Wilson [Beach Boys] and Pet Sounds.

It's actually quite interesting.

[Chalky] If I didn't know better, I'd think you were damning with faint praise. As it happens, I'd meant to watch that but I completely forgot.
[tuj] have I? oopsie. good choice though. I personally am listening to winter chill 2003, kind of appropriate for such a cold day.
This morning, I am mostly listening to my Christmas Pan Pipes CD, which will no doubt cause a great deal of annoyance to anyone in the immediate vicinity.
[Darren] Shame you missed it :-)

Does anyone fancy revisiting Animal/Vegetable/Mineral/Abstract?

Baa
Am I alone in not appreciating Pet Sounds? Yes there is the odd good track but as an album it's rather lacking I find.
I'm bored...
Why does work seem sooo unappealing on some days? The only music I have on my hard drive is The The's Soul Mining album... or I suppose I could tune into Xfm or Radio 4 online and tell anyone who doesn't like it to butt out... Or maybe I could just leave a full hour and a half before I actually should to head for Park Lane and a photoshoot I'm to direct. Heheheh.
I wish I still lived in London
[pen] go for xfm, I'll appreciate it. mainly because I miss it from those lovely days when I lived in London.

[chalky] yes please, if memory serves that one's full of hilarity, and fibre.
I wish I lived in London
[nights] Someone else who loves London! People think I'm mad when I say I'd like to live there.
London
(Raak) Depends where you are at the moment. For my part, I would find a small to medium sized town a living death, however traffic-free it were, but it suits some people, I'm sure.
I am now, to the utter horror of the rest of the office, enjoying Nigel Ogden's Wurlitzer Christmas.
[UK] you're just like my Dad. He has asked me for, in all seriousness (I think - it was on the phone), The Organist Entertains on CD for christmas. aaaaargh.

[Raak, anyone that'll listen] I really miss London at the moment - things to do that aren't uni, work or pub!
[Rosie] I'm in Norwich, which is as you describe. I have to go to Cambridge or London for proper culture.
[nights] Where are you at the moment?
[Raak] If you've been in Norwich more than a year or two and it still doesn't have any culture, it's probably your own fault. If the people who like a certain thing always go to some other place to get it, they perpetuate the situation in which there's a market for that thing in that other place and none in the place they come from. Therefore, people in Norwich who like a certain kind of culture should never leave it, and they'll thereby coerce the place into being the sort of place they like to be in.

(It also helps if you kill off everyone who actively opposes the sort of thing you like.)

What's
a wurlitzer, Uncle Korky? It sounds amusing.
Wurlitzer
Is it animal, vegetable, mineral, or abstract? Or maybe a high-speed land vehicle?
I believe a Wurlitzer is a specialised piece of plumbing equipment manufactured from pig trotters using a proprietary process in certain secretive factories in the former East Germany. Highly sought after by installers of bidets, the common Wurlitzer can only be purchased if the buyer is recommended to the vendor by at least two other customers and after placing a bond of thirteen Austrian schillings in a specific numbered Swiss bank account.

It became fashionable as a jazz instrument in the Berlin salons of the 1920s, because of its resolutely unmelodious nature in all but the most skilled of hands (just like, say, the double bass) but mostly because it could be eaten in extremity (very much unlike, say, the double bass).

Apple Ogies
We apologies for this sudden outbreak of lying in what is usually a much more truth-inclined space.

Oh well.

Nonsense. Utter tosh! I tell you it's an instrument consisting of a broad, flat cylinder with holes drilled radially into it at regular intervals, affixed to a length of string to its center. It's also cunningly made with vanes set into it so that it will spin when swung round by its cord, with the result that it produces a most harmonious tone. It got its name when its first purchaser, speaking to a somewhat deaf salesman, said "I'll certainly enjoy showing my friends this, er... how do you say it?" To which the salesman, thinking he had been asked "how do you play it?", replied: "Whirl it, sir."
sorry, i'd groan, but...
Aargghh!
Can someone please cuff Dan around the ears.
Edible instruments
(Dunx) A double bass is probably the most edible of all instruments, being almost entirely wood. Saw it up, pulp it and serve it as a slurry with hot milk and demerara sugar, and you have the perfect high-fibre breakfast cereal. In one end and out the other, unchanged, giving the possibility of recycling after suitable purification.
Edible instruments II
[Rosie] I think you'll need to figure out how to strip away the strings during the automated production line of your perfect breakfast cereal. Otherwise people halfway across the world may think it's a brilliant idea.
Well, it's a...
I'm wondering what treats might be on Nigel Ogden's Wurlitzer Christmas. In a Persian Christmas Supermarket? In A Christmas Monastery Garden? Oh, I Do Like To Be Beside The Christmas Seaside?
Is it time to start the 'Bah! Humbug! I hate Christmas!' discussion yet?
it is most certainly time to start the "I hate Christmas" discussion (well apart from the religious meaning, but that's another story). point one - explosion in heart-rending charity adverts. I really don't like them.

[Raak] beautiful Bath still - however it's probably more to do with the fact that I have a rather large amount of work at the moment, and I don't have time for anything other than work, uni or pub. sorry, I think I was in a really crap mood when I posted that one.
humbugs
[penelope] Move here, you'll miss it entirely, but you'll have to put up with the azaan five times a day :-)
(miss Christmas, that was)
Late response to Dan
Look at THIS, it's awesome!
I had too
Sorry, I'm a little excitable today... hehehe...
Not only but also
Oh, and are we going to play Animal/Vegetable/Mineral/Abstract? If s, can we do some sort of colourful variant?
[Tuj] How about Animal/Vegetable/Mineral/Abstract or any combination thereof PLUS the colour[s] of said 'object'. Am I taking you too literally?
Chalky] Pass... I just like the colours a lot and want to reward rab's endeavour by having them used in lots of games. Plus it might spawn some new hybrid game, which is always good!
[Tuj] Have you ever noticed that if you search for pretty much any word in Google image search, there is a Toothpaste for Dinner cartoon which includes it?
ISIHAC
so, what did we all think of the new ISIHAC? I didn't hear it last night, I was on the bus (which crashed into another bus, but that's for a later date when I have more time), but I have four hours of research ahead of me later so I'll pull it up on 'listen again'.
[nights] Pretty good, as always. The new guest, Linda someone-or-other, was fine.
dodgy lines
Between the Lines seems to have come up with some odd colours, if in doubt the altenative web colours are;
< font color= “#800000” > for Bakerloo
< font color= “#FF6347” > for Central
< font color= “#FFFF00” > for Circle
< font color=> “#32CD32” for District
< font color= “#DEB887” for East London
< font color= ” #FF00FF” > for Hammersmith and City
< font color= “#C0C0C0” > for Jubilee
< font color= “#BA55D3” > for Metropolitan
< font color= “#191970” > for Northern
< font color= “#4169E1” > for Piccadily
< font color= “#1E90FF” > for Victoria
< font color= “#B0E0E6” > for Waterloo and City
< font color= “#8DBC8F” > for Docklands Light Railway
< font color= “#6B8E23” > for National Rail

It's all very pretty, dear Inkspot, and forgive my thickitude, but what exactly is the reason/point/aim?
[Chalky] I'm not clear what the Between the Lines game is supposed to be, really, but I'm assuming it's MC where (a) your name colour has to match the stations you play, and (b) to switch lines, you need to use a station which actually lies on an intersection between them. So far, though, I don't think that's the way people have been playing it. Still, that (and my almost inevitable lack of grasp of the whole thing meaning these rules are totally useless) is what happens if you don't explain the rules at the top of the game properly.
Bad lines
The idea came from wishing to use the colourised name whatsit that rab has introduced in a game of MC. Then it came to me to use the colours of the lines from the Tube map. Unfortunately the new game slot stayed open (for what seemed like several days) and so the game idea festered.
While it was gnawing away, I wondered about stations like Canada Water and Sloane Square. Could these be incorporated into the stance? Keeping it as simple as possible, a colour for the player and in the text…. sounded good at the time, this may have been one idea too far.

There you have it a colourised experimental game. If play becomes fraught it will make way for something else. Is there a point? After watching Paul Burrel eat a kangaroo’s testicle … probably not.

Bad lines
*ahem* [cattily]
... passing through
Is it just me or is there an air of despondency in here? I was up and about quite early this am, popped in to have a look and moved swiftly on ...
I couldn't even think of a faux french line 5 for the limerick, diverted as I was by Korky's bream :-) Don't wanna play colours or tag, don't wanna tell lies or furcate, the current regurgitated cheddar is looking tricky, the consonants have lost their way ... oh dear oh dear oh dear. Ah well - at least I'm posting in here :-)
[Chalks] You've put your finger on it for me. Stagnant limericks are usually easy to shift - I just write a crap last line, then start a new one, hoping others will follow with renewed vigour. I really think Lost Consonants has had it - time to say goodbye. The Colours Game is too complicated to work out for the time I have available to post at work, I'm not old enough to Furcate, and we've been too clever by half in the current regurgitation. I'm gonna go in there and play some crap moves to shift this constiptation. Hold tight... !
Poo
Tee hee, "crap moves to shift constipation" - what a lovely image, penelope. Chalky, I quite agree.
[chalky] I see what you mean, but then I like lying. it's good practise for in real life.
ISIHAC
Jack Dee will be the special guest for programmes 5 and 6 of the new series, coming from the Assembly Hall Theatre in Tunbridge Wells (10/1/05 and 17/1/05)
If anyone is going to be in the audience for those two, let me know as we could probably meet up. I couldn't get tickets myself, but I am nonetheless local.
giving a nod to ...
Penelope the Purgative
Rab the Agreeable
Nights the .. er .. seer and deceiver
and anyone else who has posted and brightened up this place :-)
Previous post... I mean was in the audience for.
Deep and calming breaths
Chalky] Time to brighten things up... And I definitely agreed with pen on the consonants I'm afraid. And on the poop analogy...
If you need a new game, just go ahead and make one - could there be a better place (even for just an idea)?.
OK, a touch over the top;
but I bet it got your attention!
Let my ice fingers close over your heart...
...let my drear mornings offer you no hope of sunshine to come. I shall not rest my snows nor my gloomy rains until torpor reigns in the Morniverse and nothing is but glumness, glumness everywhere. Hibernate, run from me, or try to endure me - you cannot prevent me nor the keening grey sorrow of the moods I offer.
[spirit] a popular phrase in my house... "oooo-kaaay..." (say it out loud, slightly like jim carrey *shudder*)

[chalky] thanks... I think. I do my best.
[Tuj] yes it did!

[The Spirit of Winter]
Bring on your frosts of spectre-grey, your frozen leaves and skies of dun! The weakening eye of day can never chill; for friendship doth not turn cold when that warm heart that beats deep within fires the furnace of goodwill. Thus shall this community seek the warmth of its homely hearth whilst the dregs of winter's spirit is humbled ...

[Chalky]OOOoooooOOOOh! Get you!
[spirit, chalky] take it OUTSIDE, both of you!
Furcational Adjournment
Is it time to grant it special status yet? I fancy an imposter's game, or summat...
I am outside.
Err.?
Hello!!!!
Hello to you too
I'm a bit worried. You're not the jasmine to which my wife took her secateurs a couple of days ago are you? If you are I shall have to have a cup of tea a Bex and a good lie down. Oh dear, oh dear . . .
Special (i.e. no) service
[Tuj] The SpecialStatus AddOn Pack (TM) has not yet been enabled, so, erm, no.
a little off topic (no change there, then) but thank God it's Friday. has everyone else had a shocking week or is it just me?
[nights] probably just you

Bah! I enjoyed that poetic exchange and would have happily crossed further swords with the 'spirit', teetering, as we were, on the brink of yet another 'Winter versus Summer Debate'.
So the follow-up disappointed somewhat, whilst bringing to mind Wot Dan Said in MCiOS a couple of weeks back [and I paraphrase] - anonymous posting by regulars is relatively harmless fun ... however, if the post is directed at a named person, perhaps it's fairer not to hide behind the cloak of anonymity?

*throws down gauntlet in the spirit of goodwill* :-)

arrow_circle_down
Want to play? Online Crescenteering lives on at Discord