Welcome back, Thrax! Nice to know you're still around!

And good to know you're here, Sir. Tell me, are you still on The Force? I seem to recall you were one of the Boys in Blue. Still doing that to earn yer crust?

No, never been in the constabulary. I'm still sweating it out as a housing officer for a lesser London Borough, although my recent elevation to Void Management Officer means I've gone up two payscales and I no longer have to deal with the public. Whoopee!

Hmmm, I seem to recall one of the Pants regulars was a copper. Thought it was you, Sir, but must've got me wires crossed. Perhaps it wasn't you who regailed us all with the "Digestion story" then either. Doh! Hey ho. So, a promotion, eh? Onward and upward. Sounds grand. Congratulations.

I was intrigued by your opening post, when you mentioned reading through the Ballykissangels game from Pants. Do you have some kind of arcane and eldritch way of accessing this sadly deceased site, or did you copy loads of text off the web?

Alas no, Korky, my friend. I saved the page out as an HTML file long ago before Pants MC closed down. Kept it for old times' sake. Had I known in advance that the site would expire, I'd have saved out many more, as some contained real gems of hilarity from many many fine MCers. Alas. A moment's silence is called for i think.

Io Thrax.

[Thrax] Quality lying, sir.

I'm female, Thrax - and reasonably well (if intensely bored at my job - AGAIN!) I SO need to get a job which isn't always on the phones..

Howdy, Doc. Pleasure to see you again, my good Sir. Life treating you well? Been enjoying the current season of ISIHaC via the net? I'm often given to wonder what your chums in Pennsylvania make of it if ever they happen to be present and hear it when you're tuned into the show. I bet they'd think we're all lunatics on this side of The Pond, what?

And greetings, Dunx. How'd you do? "Quality lying" though? Not sure I follow you. I don't believe I've told any whoppers here today, or are you referring to my moves in the "Swear to God" game?

And Snorgle, a lady, eh? *Doffs hat in gentlemanly fashion as redolent of some Oscar Wilde drama for no obvious reason other than it seems in-keeping with my character* Delighted to make your aquaintance. I recall we always had a severe shortage of female company chez-Pants. Chalky of course remained until the biter end, and your name rings a bell, but ladies were, it must be said, not merely few and far between, but also most sorely missed. Still, count yourself lucky that you never fell under the lascivious(sp? no idea), roving eye of that chimeric lothario Kezar. A fortunate escape for you there. *Ahem* Anyway, I'm sorry to learn that your job is most unsatisfactory. *Sigh* They do say work is a rotten way to earn a living, do they not?

Hi Thrax, it has been a long time!!!!

Why, Darren, 'tis good to see you too, Sir. How are you, me old China?

[Thrax] You divine my intent correctly, sir. Apologies for any misapprehension; entirely my own fault for being insufficiently clear in my sincere wish to convey my compliments. I am very well, thank you for asking, although rather fatigued from a foolishly early start and a surfeit of exercise these last two days. But such is the burden of the long distance runner, or at any rate one who aspires to such a qualification.

Oh, and work's a bugger at the mo, but that is an entirely separate conversation to have away from these hallowed halls.

Ah, that's all well. No apology necessary, Sir. I took no offence. So, a long-distance runner eh? Sounds exhausting but rewarding. Groovy.

I have made a few converts...one of which has taken to MC like a duck to Nick Knight. ;)
[Dunx] You've given up the bike?

Hm. I seem to recall that the PantsMC regular who was a policeman was the person who went by the name of "Corkington" AFAIK.

[Dr Q] No, but not cycling as much right now since I am in training for a marathon in the autumn (Portland, OR on the first Sunday in October - Portland, ME iss the same day as it happens). This is the same race I was training for last year but had to abandon due to injury.

The more I run the more convinced I become that I will return to cycling, but I feel vastly better than I did three months ago and I am sure that I'll get more out of whatever exercise I continue with as a consequence.

Hello, Thrax, old bean! It's nice to see that you haven't totally forgotten how to access the weird and whacky world of the Morniverse.

I'm going to have to start believing in telepathy, which to hard-nosed rationalist like myself would be a Damascene conversion, because about 24 hrs ago, before any of this appeared, I said to myself "I wonder if old (young) Thrax is OK?", and here he is, FFS. Neither Kezar or those FUCKING LOBSTERS have done for you, then, mate? Excellent. No more to say, really.

[Thrax] I'm doing OK, thanks. It's a pity you missed the uberpilg in Rugby.

[Thrax] Not a problem, rather something to amuse me after my brief absence, although similar mistakes have been made before :)

ZK] only online I hope ?

That's great news, Doc. Does this converted duck perchance have internet access? Might he/she at some point brave the hallowed turf of this most jolly arena?

Ah! yes, once again, Jonathan, you've come up trumps with the info. I seem to recollect that Corkington was here and there occasioned the familiar soubriquet of "Corkers" - I think Chalky was initially responsible for that one - and perhaps therein lay the genesis of my little misinference. How are you, anyway?

And hello to you, Duj, my friend - or do they really use the term "cobber" down under? - I trust you are well? 'Tis indeed a glorious feeling to be back among the Morniverse, as you refreshingly term it.

Heh, you know, Rosie there are those who subscribe to the scientific principle that the human mind does generate enough brainwave energy to transmit like a radio broadcast at times, and that telepathy is indeed possible. I'm uncertain as to whether or not it can emit across the divide between Swindon and, er, Surrey wasn't it? I'm Surrey I Haven't a Clue. In any case, I tried discussing this with the FUCKING LOBSTERS, but found them to be most unco-operative. Difficult to establish telepathic communication with a creature that bears a thick exoskeleton and seems forever intent upon shooting up yer arsehole every time your back's turned. *Shudder*

I'm glad to hear you're well, Darren, my friend. Alas I knew nothing of any "uberpilg". Sounds either charmingly continental and noble, or wickedly decadent and filthy. Either way, I'm most aggreived to have missed it.

And thank you, ZK, for your most willful clemency upon my faux-pas. I am relieved. *Bows*

Thrax] Well, a large number of us all buggered off to a swish hotel in Rugby to record our own ISIHAC, and a fine time was had by all. Details are on Orange's To Be A Pilgrim game, and Merlyn has actually created a fine website with transcript and photo's. We're planning to do another one in May next year, so keep your diary clear.

Huuuhh?! Oh I wish I'd known. I'd love to have attended and met up with you guys! I'd give anything to be able to get outside these four walls and meet people. It gets so lonely being stuck in here 24/7 on my own for months on end. Tell me, Korky, this place you speak of - do they have facilities for disabled people? If so I'd give anything to meet with you all next May. Anything!

Depends on the disability, I guess. If you're talking imparied mobility/wheelchair access then I didn't notice any bedrooms downstairs (except in the outbuildings) or lift within the main building, but perhaps others can recall better. I guess a quick phonecall to Brownsover Hall about the issue wouldn't hurt.

And, nice as it was, if Brownsover weren't accessible, I'm sure we'd all be happy to look at alternatives.

Well, Projoy, I am indeed a user of a wheelchair, and thus a ground floor room or lift would be necessary(I live on the first floor as it happens), otherwise it's a "Fireman's Lift" situation. Regrettably there's more obstacle to be overcome though. Rugby's a fair distance from where I live, in Swindon, and I can neither drive nor load/unload the chair myself. Furthermore, all my family and friends live more than 2 hours from my abode, and I very much doubt any one of them(since they're not MCers themselves) would be willing to drive for two hours to pick me up, drop me off, make their way off home again, then come back two days later(would I be correct to infer that this is a weekend break?) and drive me back frm Rugby to Swindon then go home again.

See, there's no way I can use a train either. Not without a friend to accompany me.

I'm not really sure how it could be done, unless one of you fine fellows lives in the West Country and would be willing to give me a lift from Swindon.

OK. Not being a driver, I'm afraid I couldn't help on the lifts thing, but conceivably this could influence our choice of location. There might be places that Swindon is on the way to that are just as nice as Brownsover. Here's a list of wheelchair accessible hotels in the UK. Anyway, not for me to decide on behalf of the participants, of course, but maybe worth a bit of research.

[st d] Er...well, that mistake hasn't been made since I was about eleven or so, face to face. I was not happy, as you would probably gather, and have cultivated somewhat of an obsession with the colour pink ever since....

Morning all! [Thrax] It's nice to see you back. I must admit having only caught some of your antics during my brief tenure on Pants but it's good to see people return from beyond the Reality Point.

[Bob the dog] Thank you very much for the bottle of cider you bought me - I shall be enjoying it this evening with dinner!

Thrax] would it be okay to just get you really really drunk so you could just fall asleep in your wheelchair ?
ZK] I am truly intrigued now. How come this mistake was never made before you were 11 ?

Didn't she say it was only until she was 11? Personally I was always mistaken for a girl and my sister was generally thought to be a boy. That pretty much sums up the power politics in my family.

BM] of course. I was thinking that was a bit strange. I remember people saying "what a beautiful little girl" when I was 4 or 5 and being really pissed off by it. Darn pink tutu my Mother used to make me wear.....oh well, I'm still intrigued but instead am now imagining ZooKeeper to be heartstoppingly beautiful.

My three brothers were all very blond and pretty when ickle. We're all fairly close in age and relatives/friends would cast their eye over the boys exclaiming how bonny they were and save the piteous glances for me [the brown-haired freckly girl]. It was at that stage that I decided I needed to develop a personality.
oh yes ... [Thrax] good to see you in here :-)

The last time I was mistaken for a girl was at the age of 23, but it was from behind and my hair was half-way down my back. The only other time I guess the lipstick and frock had something to do with it . . . .

When I was a little chap - up to the age of 7 or 8, I was often mistaken for a girl, much to my fury at the time. If you saw me now you'd realise why the same mistake has not been made for quite a while. Even in drag I think I would be about as convincing as the late great Les Dawson - or for that matter Roy Barraclough.

I suppose I ought to terminate that posting with a quick
Knickers, knackers, knockers !!!

Somehow I imagine not just ZK but all the female Crescenteers, none of whom I have met, to be heart-stoppingly beautiful. Call me a charming old romantic, a dreamer, a visionary, or a typical male internet nerdy type whose sole female interaction comes from Tomb Raider. It's up to you. Personally I'm going for the visionary option.

Having met 4 of the female Crescenteers (lib, penelope, Chalky & Norma), I can at least confirm some of that vision. And I'm sure that they are shining examples of the rest of Crescentdom. We can only hope that they look upon us in a similar light - despite having actually met the likes of myself :-)

changing the subject entirely, I found a version of 'Boardo' when clearing out my room in halls prior to moving out next week (sniff). Anyone mind if we play it here?

[st d, Breadmaster] Of course I'm heartstoppingly beautiful. Only today, three men looked at me and dropped down dead. :)

[st d] As to being 'mistaken', I've never quite been able to forget when I was in the balcony at the swimming pool in Wellingborough, and half a class of boys decided to try tp ask me out. Their opening gambit was "are you a girl?". Needless to say, this particular Zooological Keeper was not best pleased....and I didn't say yes...The mistake probably wasn't made before because I used to wear skirts all the time. Post 10 or 11 I was rarely out of jeans.

[nights] I'm game!

http://www.potterpuppetpals.com/sexy.swf
If you've got a minute....

Well it's fairly obvious (to anybody who has ever met me) that I could never be mistaken for a girl in real life, but my speaking voice is naturally high-pitched enough to have been mistaken for a low-pitched female voice over the phone (when I said "hello", the reply was "erm, are you Mrs Ellis? We only have a record of a *Mr* Ellis at this address"). In fact I know several women, all of them contralto singers from music college, who very definitely have lower speaking voices than I do...

One can feel one has truly come of age when, when you answer the telephone, people mistake you for you father rather than your mother (speaking as a male). Not sure what that'd do as a female ;)

Oh, and now I've won a game (hehehe) is there some sort of scoreboard? Having noticed the very old-looking one over at MCiOS, and considering that there isn't (yet) too much of an archive to wade through, could there be something of that sort for this beatifully conceived server?

I love that site! The last time I checked, there were just 2 shows, so I assume that's a new one. Unfortunately, it's also very popular, so I'll have to wait to see it!

[Breadmaster, LotUS] Well, you haven't met me yet, but I'm sorry that your dream will be shattered if you do - either that or you will drop dead for real. :-)

[Tuj] I'm moving backwards, then. I've been mistaken for a teenage boy on the phone by telemarketers, and not just once. Perhaps it's the slightly surly business-like way I answer when I've been interrupted as well as lowish voice pitch. As I assume they're not allowed to sell to minors, I really love answering their question "Is Mum or Dad there?" with (100% truthfully cross my heart and all) "Nup. Bye."

I'm told my voice when I'm on the phone is much lower than when I'm speaking face-to-face. Not that I answer the phone with "Menswear" or anything. ;)

Thrax] Don't recall Brownsover Hall looking particularly wheelchair-friendly. IIRC, there are steps to the front, and the rear access is over shingle/gravel. However, I'm sure that were the same location used next year, all MCers would be only to happy to assist in any area that you needed. Obviously, the staff should be able to make arrangements if they knew in advance that you were coming. Obviously, getting from Swindon could be more of a problem. I know Chalky came up from the west country, but she didn't drive. However, if we all put our heads together, I'm sure we can come up with a way.

[Brownsover Hall] Mr. Brain reminds me that there was a disabled loo next to the mens and a ramp up to it. Also a side entrance (opposite the stables, near the carpark) had the words "disabled access" on a sign. I must also say that Mr. Brain is frequently unrealiable, especially after a few pints and The Biscuit Game.

[brownsover hall] IIRC, the route between the stables bedrooms and the rear of the hotel was paved and reasonably level - the outside tables were sitting on gravel, but that was only a short stretch. There was also a paved route from near the front door steps around to the rear door which is wheelchair accessible, I'm pretty sure. As UK said, I'm sure there's a way, and plenty of assistance if needed.

Well, Penelope, UK, Boolbar et al, that actually sounds reasonable. Essentially any ground floor accommodation would be suitable, and it's only for a weekend(?), so I'm sure it shouldn't be difficult. At risk of asking for too much, I could do with a wee smidgen of assistance during the stay if anyone is willing to volunteer a hand - perhaps a workload shared between two or three? When I say "workload" incidently, I'm referring to little more than pushing me across that gravel, cutting up some of whatever meals we order and helping to slip on/remove socks and shoes. Are their any kind souls here who might be willing to chip in a bit? I'd be most grateful.

Oh, and st d, falling asleep drunk in my wheelchair is - ahem - not unprecedented.

Jonathan, They mistake you for Mrs Ellis, eh? Interesting, but when you get your regular correspondence from Mrs Trellis of North Wales(as we all do of course), for whom does she mistake you? She addresses me as "Ms. Fernandez" - the wheelchair user who was in Eldorado and The Office.

ZK - hearstoppingly beautiful, eh? Raaaowwwr. Stop it with your wicked alluring imagery or I think I'll start to experience 'Charlotte Greene' syndrome. Rosie and I both fancied her for years with no idea what she looked like. Ha!

And last but not least, Hey, there, Chalky. I've really missed you a great deal. I do hope you're well. I didn't forget you BTW. You got a personalised greeting in my opening post, but I think it may have slipped orf the page by the time you got here t'other day. How are you, anyway? Long time no hear.

And with that, I shall depart for the moment, and no doubt be back shortly. Addidas!

*Sneaks out of page singing "Voodoo Lady" By Creme Brullée*

[Thrax] Willing to offer any of that kind of help, if I'm there, which I'm fully expecting to be.

That's very kind of you folks. Perhaps a little nearer the time, we'll chat a wee bit about things just for clarity. You can email me at anthraxhirl@freakout.freeserve.co.uk Indeed I'm happy for anyone here to email me for badinage as you see fit, upon whatever subject you like. Except "Reality TV". *Shudder*

Now that my intrigue as to the extent of ZK's beauty has been satisfied (does one satisfy an intrigue ? in fact is that even th eright word ? mmm. Anyway. Now I am intrigued as to exactly why mr Thrax is in a wheelchair, and also why he needs someone to cut up everybody's meals. Is that just a personal OCD you have ?

LOL! Yes, st d, I have a very rare medical condition that means I can't stand the sight of everybody's meals not cut up before we all dine together. Ha. It's a rare psychological disorder, but I can't cope with anyone tucking in before everybody's orders have been not merely brought to table, but properly disected and divided up into segregated components(sometimes even quantified and noted down on a clipboard for archiving). I got so frustrated by this once, that I endeavoured to take matters in hand one evening at a dinner party, and lunged towards a butler, with a knife and fork, as he emerged from the kitchen with two plates of Duck A L'Orange. Thinking himself in great danger, the man dropped the two dishes, pulled a gun and shot me in the abdomen. Ever since, I've been confined to a wheelchair and someone has to "cut up everybody's meals", as you acutely observed, on my behalf.

I trust I've satisfied your intrigue on that matter too. *winks

Good lord, the girl in the wheelchair in The Office was the one from Eldorado? I remember seeing her on an Esther Rantzen programme a while ago (that I happened to flick into in the middle of, honest, really yeronna) in a piece about critics. She was talking about how the critics were unfair to Eldorado. The funny thing is that they had the art critic Brian Sewell on too, and she hated him. I have never seen anything like it. He was asked something like, "So what do you think of artists personally?" and he replied in his typical manner, "Oh, I just want to stamp on them like cockroaches." And she went completely nuclear - "How can you say that about human beings! How can you say that!" He just sat there twiddling his glasses with a taken-aback expression. It was lucky she was in a wheelchair really or she might have gone and decked him. Two people who simply didn't gel, I felt. But nice to see that Nessa's rages weren't entirely simulated...

Actually, I was at school with the girl in question. I used to have lunch with her everyday, believe it or not. Hmmm, I'm not sure who should be more ashamed though, BM - Julie for being this Nessa to whom you referred in a God-awful soap about British Ex-Pats living in Costa Del Tawdry, or you for admitting to watching Esther Rantzen. Heh. I guess we'll call it a nil-nil draw, shall we, my friend? LOL!

Oooh, I've just had a thought. Anyone up for a game of Go Johnny Go Go Go Go? I'm itching to try it out here on this server. What do you think? I take it you've all seen the famous LoG sketch?

We often play said game here in the hospital..........LoG, gods amongst men!!

[Thrax] I'm not familiar with the game myself, but there are a number of game openings at Orange MC since today is the annual Orange Festival of Crescent.

[rab] Apologies for unwarranted trumpet blowing.

Nice one, widey. Glad to hear I'm not alone around here in my appreciation of the League. Er, for the benefit of those of you who aren't familiar with the game - such as your good self, Dunx - Go Johnny Go Go Go Go is a card game that three of the characters play one evening in the Royston Vasey hosipital, St. Mary of Bethlehem. Essentially, it seems that two of the fellas have made it up on the spot - "it's a cross between Hoover and Eight Men Down" - with over-complex and nonsensical rules. They then explain them at breakneck speed to the third character, impressing upon him, "you'll pick up the rest as we play."

In essence, the game is not that dissimilar to MC, and could therefore be played on a website such as this. Instead of our moves being train stations, they could be cards, like "Seven of Clubs", "King of Diamonds", "Ace in the Hole" etc. with appropriate comments about 'scoring' and 'tactics' etc. just like how we play MC. The winning move, instead of "Mornington Crescent", could be "Go Johnny Go Go Go Go".

I could set up such a game, with a heading containing the explanation of rules(to be largely ignored, though not contradicted. Anyone up for it?

As a final thought, if you haven't seen the sketch, I strongly recomend checking out The League of Gentlemen. It's one of the best programmes I've seen in a LOOOONG time. The card game features in Season 2, and also in the DVD Live at Drury Lane, where they, like Python before them, perform some of their sketches before an audience.

So, anyone care to join me for a hand of Go Johnny Go Go Go Go? You'll pick it up as we play...

I don't know if that's a sunspot just above 3 o'clock, or just a speck on the film. I have about twenty more pictures, but they all look like this one. :-)

(Raak) Excellent pic. Not sure about the "sunspot". I don't remember seeing any when I projected the image with a small telescope. I used to be a keen observational amateur astronomer myself but not these days, but I'm one the few amateurs to know something about celestial dynamics (orbits, perturbations, 3-body problems etc). It's a guaranteed conversation-stopper.