Funnily enough, I used to have a job which consisted of trying to think of new TV programmes (in the "light factual" category, and I think we all know what that means). It wasn't quite as soul-destroying as you might think, but let's just say it wasn't really me. I've never in my life listened to the radio apart from a few very rare occasions so I have no idea what the Today programme or any others are like...

Rosie] I'm not grumpy! Its Bob the dog by the way, never Bob the Dog.

[Bob] Who's the face on the crab?

Chalky] Ah, the crab of ineffable wisdom! I think it is David Icke. I got him from here. The following is his nemesis..