Sorry - it would help if I gave you an address:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/cgi-perl/celebdaq/trade.cgi?registershow=1

[Inkspot] Unless you are deriving some pleasure out of composing your own table, why not use a screen capture program? I hope that I am not being rude, as I do appreciate your time and trouble spent on this 'game'.
If you are interested, there is a freeware programme available at This site
An example of its output can be seen here.
That, by the way, is my one and only attempt so I'm sure it could be improved.

Then again, it's a bit big. I'll take that back. ... :-(

Is anyone going to say anything today?

[pen] Still in shock from last night...

[rab] I should imagine you're exhausted . .

So will anyone admit what went on? It's very mysterious...

[snorgle] rab rode a bicycle around the chatroom (which relocated to an igloo last night) for about two hours. Nothing remarkable about that, you might think, until you realise the saddle was made of ice. I think he might also be suffering from being in the company of Lib in a mackerel-skin basque, Chalky in Lycra and me in a seal-skin bikini. That's a lot to take in. ;o)

We also had a visitation from a nude Jade Goody. Least said, soonest mended.

oooh rab - your SO SWEEEEET!!!! I fort youd say summink NHAAHAHAHHH!

That was NOT me... I know I'm responsible for a lot of weird stuff in the chatroom on a Monday night, but I wouldn't dream of inviting Jade Goody on here... honest. Naaahahahahhahh!

This places Chalky firmly in the frame...

What's happened to Mr Wildpants' Mornington Crescent site? I've lost Puckoon to the ether...

[Mr T] Sadly, Pants MC went the way of all flesh a couple of months ago. The Lock Cup has been transferred to the new Lockisseum site, but players of other games have been finding a warm welcome here and at the other MC sites which remain.

Damn - had to miss it because of deadlines and computer problems. It sounds like it was a classic. Will the transcripts go up on Orange?

And welcome Mr T. All you need is here.

[Bob] I'm afraid the link to the transcript is already there. *blushes*
Hello Mr Trebus :-)

My computer is being mended again - but I'm getting a new one for xmas, a nice shiny new computer with dvd re-writer and flashing lights(maybe)! Yay!

Does anyone know if Rosie is posting anywhere these days, following his little flounce-out of here a little while back?

Dujon may know a little more. Yes, a petulant flounce is certainly what it was. Seems we weren't quite good enough for him :-)

Does anyone know what all that was about? I'm all for constructive criticism, but I thought his exit comment was rather uncalled for.

[rab] I was rather hoping it was a misdirected moment of madness in the wee small hours after one pint too many, so was waiting for some form of apology or even explanation. I agree that the comment was crass and puerile; as for what lay behind it, one can only surmise that, as a mature adult, Rosie had his reasons. A dignified exit would have, at least, demonstrated a modicum of respect for you, the host.

rab] I thought some arsehole had posted using his name.

[Bob] Me too, which is why I didn't think too much of it at the time.

Oh sh*t. You know I was chatting about my fabbo date planned for tonight with the rugby coach? Well it's off. His grandfather 'died this morning'. It's either a big lie to get rid of me, or his grandfather did it deliberately to f*ck up any chance I had of graduating out of my enforced spinsterhood. Either way, I'm taking it personally. *reaches out blindly for proffered hankie from sympathetic MC-fivers*

[pen] Aw! And I was just about to post a 'break a leg/wing bone/bottle of bubbly' sort of message to you because I'd remembered that tonight was supposed to be the night. Intending no disrespect to his grandfather who may/may not have passed on today/recently/ages ago, it's probably for the best. You know what they say about men who talk about themselves all the time ....

pen] Either he has no imagination or he is telling the truth. Either way you win!

Thanks you two. I'm going to spend the evening in a Bridget Jones way, wrapping Christmas presents to within an inch of their lives and painting my toenails.

I too thought Rosie's last entry totally out of character and probably bogus. However time has passed with no further sightings, and I was curious that's all. Miss the old buffer truth be told.

Watching DVDs in bed seems a popular choice for a night in these days. I have a quiet night in for once myself tonight which I shall spend with my nose in a book - wading through George MacDonald Fraser's Flashman papers for the umpteenth time. Fantastic stuff.

Rosie was great! It isn't that bad here, so maybe it was the loss of a particular game that upset him?

It seems that he is missed. I hope he gets to know.

[Penelope] It seems to me that this chap can't have been of good genetic stock, given his grandfather's propensity to die at socially inconvenient moments. A night in with your toenails sounds far more enjoyable. If it's any consolation, I have to spend tonight in with the Venerable Bede, who is not the best company.

[BM]The dead rarely are. They often smell, for a start.

[pen] I think the word 'arse' sums up things. Hope the DVDs hit the spot. [all] I'm feeling very sorry for myself today. Hangover. Seemed a good idea at the time. Hows everyone else today?

[pen] Tsk. [lib] A little tipsy, after preparing for a 2pm meeting with a couple of pints during lunch, and looking forward to seeing Johnny Vegas in Liverpool this evening. I hope to be hungover tomorrow, saturday and/or sunday, though, at which juncture I shall feel your pain.

[Lib] Very well, thank you, although I can't figure out why I'm so tired today. I fear I may be battling a bug of some kind, my wife having had a sore throat for a few days now. With any luck a nice vigorous run this morning will shake the various bits of phlegm loose.
[pen] *hug* Sorry about that, chuck.

[Dunx] Thanks.. but maybe you should just keep your distance until you get over your bug! (I've already kept off one lurgy from my Kiwi flatmate this week). BTW, a rib-splitting belly-laughing session has just done wonders for shifting the phlegm from my tubes this afternoon. My colleague has discovered my weakness for anyone doing impressions of Jim Royle's 'ha-HA' laugh and now my ribs ache. :o)

Deck the halls with boughs of holly, he's back!

And this time it's not even accidental. Must remember to take him down at the end of the festive period.

Hmmm, I wonder who chewed that hole in the carpet.....

If that's a reference to Christmas Ted, then I would suggest your browser is to blame.

[Boolbar] Ah - so Poo Puppy is responsible for keeping you away from the Crescent?

phew - the traffic has started moving again in the Limerick game..

The first of my attempts to avoid the prospect of unemployment next year has been put into action. Won't hear the outcome til May though...

[Chalky] Is that a reference to Boolbar's poo post?!

[Darren] oh dear, yes - the juxtapositioning is rather questionable :-)

[rab] Is it grant season already?

[DrQ] Oh yes indeedy.

How does that work? Does lack of grant mean loss of tenure, or does lack of grant mean that work to gain tenure cannot be undertaken (unless independently funded)? Sorry if the question seems imbecilic but I have no knowledge of how it all dovetails.

I dunno how it goes on the Eastside of the Atlantic, but over here profs apply for only-God-and-her-secretary-knows-how-many grants, out of which they pay their postdocs/grad students/other staff, as well as equipment costs, and *cough*40% university overhead. Around here, if you want to get a tenure-track professorship, you pretty much need to have grants in tow.

[DrQ] That's pretty much what happens over here as well. Except that we don't have tenure any more, so even when you have a job, you still have to run as fast as you can to keep it. Especially if you're in a 4-desperate-to-be-a-5 rated department.

Rosie's back!

[Chalky] Indeed. The puppy (Frodo) is delightful but he also needs a lot of attention. Plus the ongoing mouse in the roof situation and the leeking outside loo means I shouldn't be here now.

[Boolbar] Where are you? Hiding in the cupboard under the stairs until those problems are sorted out by someone else?

I'd just like to say that I've found the perfect combination of undergarments for inclement weather whilst walking and exhibition-visiting in town. A long-sleeved thermal vest plus a long sleeved shirt will keep you warm but not bulk you out. Can I also recommend the '100 Years of the Art Fund' exhibition at the Hayward Gallery.? Bloody excellent. And now I'm going to bed for some well-earned sleep. See you all Monday night in the chatroom when I will tell you how my new member of staff got on during his first day with me as his boss! :o)
(and no, I'm not pissed, but I hope to be tomorrow)

A weekend away and I return to find that penelope's well insulated for the weather and likely to be pissed by now (11.50GMT), Frodo puppy is as demanding as he is appealing and it's grant season in academia - so the only contribution I can make is, yes I had a wicked time and can we do something Christmassy tomorrow night, like Santa's Toy Factory in Lapland, or something like ....?

It's 'funny' at this time of year to read the various comments about the cold weather. ... :-)
I'm sitting here in my workshop in a light short-sleeved top with a coolish - for this time of year - day outside. It's about 23°C at the moment (11:57Z) and one of flerdle's eight legged friends is sitting on the Holland blind a couple of feet away from me. Sorry, I don't have a digital camera otherwise I'd take a pic for you. He's a Huntsman, which generally have a much larger body size than the Wolf Spider which flerdle displayed a while ago. No doubt he's having a nap, being daytime, and only occasionally moves his legs around.
Should I get the chance tomorrow morning I shall attempt to join you in the chat room of MCiOS, but having work to do it may not be possible.

I'm just back from Melbourne, Sydney and Cairns (well, Atherton Tablelands, actually) where it was occasionally stormy but nice, beautiful, and stinking hot respectively. It is rather warm here but not too bad, all things considered.

Having missed it for the last couple of weeks, I'm afraid I probably won't make it to the MCiOS chatroom this Monday night either as I have to fly to Newcastle (near Sydney) for work. Plus I'm just knackered. *groans*

I'll try to make it..my computer is sort of working, and I should manage it. Is 8pm too early?

I'd love to pilg tonight as I had so much fun prancing around in my mackerel skin bikini last week, but I've got a problem. Can anyone help? What it is, is there's a big content filter here (where I live and work and have my only net connection), so Shhhh, don't tell anyone I access (as I've not asked but am sure if I do then will be told its not allowed). Anyway. The chatroom doesn't work. The clock on MCiOS functions (so I think I have flash 6) and the chatroom page loads and tells me nicely to type my name 'here' and then press connect, but it refuses to connect. I've tried clicking on it many ways (including whilst doing a handstand, which quite frankly just looked silly!) but can't figure it out. Any bright ideas? Please?!?!

[Lib] You might be better off asking Dan at MCiOS since he's the one who understands how the chatroom works. My guess is that the communication between your computer and the chat server is done using a "port" (which is a bit like a particular telephone extension on a switchboard) that the hospital doesn't want you to have access to and there ain't much you can do about that.

My work computer doesn't like the chatroom either - I'm not going to complain as I get to use the internet as much as I like, otherwise..

Now that the crossword chat has crept into the crypt ... I would love to play an Imposters game of some sort.

How about murder in the dark imposters. Correctly guess the identity of other players for points. And what do points mean..?

Piccalili?

It looks like I may not make it to the chatroom tonight, on account of entertaining a visitor to our department. On the other hand, that may well not go on too late, so I might make a late entrance if I take my laptop with me.

[rab] You mean someone *willingly* went to Manchester? *ducks* Then again, one could make the same claim for Pittsburgh and its 16" of snow the past two weeks....

PRIZES!! sorry

Well, if anybody wants to play over on Mornington Crescent in Outer Space, you'll see that somebody has started an Impostors Game there - with a twist. The more players, the merrier, and let's see how it develops...

Oh goody ... how about Good News/Bad News ... here?

It seems to have happened :-)

How does this imposters crescent thing work?

[ZK] You pretend to be someone else, and play the entire game in character as that person. (Hint: browse the archives!). You display your imposted moniker using a '!' sign in front. I'm afraid this is a geeky thing: '!' means 'not' in C and related computer languages. Oh, and the game's at MCiOS in case you were unaware.

Usually once the game has ended, the unmasking begins. I think I've worked one of them out already!

Sounds like fun to me! However, must go and clean out fridge. Less fun but entirely necessary.

[Dr Q] You should visit Manchester, it's not half as bad as rab makes out. Maybe we should have a mini-plig here......

Maybe when Nik comes out of his coma and JLE has finished his piano practice, this could be arranged...

I've been wondering about a Super Pilg. Format - our very own ISIHAC. MCers are warned of the games and prepare in advance. We'd probably have to stay up late so a hotel venue would be best. Any takers?

[Bob] Thought I'd best acknowledge your wonderings, particularly as they incorporate the words 'staying up late', 'hotel venue' and end in 'Any takers?' - not a question one would wish to leave hanging overnight :-)
Obviously the whole shebang would be recorded, or even filmed, and in the true tradition of the travelling ISIHAC which has torn itself away from its London roots, perhaps somewhere central to all participants, say ... the West Midlands?

Sounds a fab idea - and if I were able to attend could offer my services as cameraperson and/or video editor, although I've not any decent sound recording equipment.

Should anyone fancy a go, I've posted a cryptic film quiz that has turned up in the office. There are gaps which stumped us.

[Inky] Is part of the test of the quiz to find it?!?! Or am I being daft? [BtD] A super-pilg would be fantastic. Let's do it!

[Inky] I've Found it!

Oh yes I put it in 'Obscure vault 99 '

Coma? What coma? I'm fine. Honest (note: I'm not fine).

Ok seems like that ones a goer. Wishlist for venue:
Real Ales(?) or decent beer at least
Overnight accomodation for those wishing to stay
Not too expensive
Centrally based - Perhaps Oxfordshire?
Room to use as venue for parlour games - preferably with piano (is someone prepared to take the place of Colin Sell? Projoy?)
Any suggestions?
Organisational wishlist:
I'd love to help prepare the programme, but who will compare? rab?
Camerawork - blamelewis (excellent) And we'd need at least 8 regular players (and their spouces, friends, relatives, animals etc). + piano player...
As for timing, how does a weekend in May sound? We should have time to plan, hotels will be cheap, weather not too bad...

Did somebody say piano player?

If I'm not tied down by those meddling exams I'd love to come along...if not, circulate tapes!

... and I would've gotten away with it too if it hadn't've been for you meddling exams!

That was where I was going with it :)

Can I join?

JLE are you a pianist? If so would you be interested in a diverting evening of entertainment playing parlour games?

How does THIS look as a potential venue?

Not sure I have the necessary wit, charm or smuttiness to be a viable compere.

[Bob] Well, I'd say I was a pianist, if no less than six qualifications of various different types from music colleges and still an inability to get a steady job means anything of the sort...

JLE] Fantastic - and a willing participant?
rab] I beg to differ.

I'd need a script.

ZK] Visit Celebdaq towers to create a player profile and buy some shares. Come back here and post your player ID No and I will add you straight away. For my sins I have two accounts in the league as does Uncle Korky. I'm still not sure how blamelewis has managed to grab the No1 shot at the moment but there will tears before bedtime after the divis are paid out on Friday!

[BtD] I see a plan forming. Thos might be willing to help work on a script of some sort (if we could cope with all those puns!). And the proposed venue is acceptable to me.

A Thos script would be superb. The St George is OK but only has 8 rooms (Mostly double and en-suite) cost £70 per room B&B. There are other B&Bs within walking distance of the pub. I've been ringing some contacts at the BBC and I may have secured a guest appearance by the one and only Samantha. I assume she would be available to tot-up the teams’ points.

Would love to do it, but depends very much on the cost.

am already registered, but haven't looked for aaaages...*goes to find number*...3058974.

ZK] You are in and added to the league, I hope you will enjoy the friendly competition ;)

Fabbo! Thanks!

Wahey! I already suck! This'll be fun!

JLE] Thanks.
Lib] Can you ask Thos if he'd be able to do some scripting?
all] I think that £70 per room is probably too expensive. Plus the getting to the venue. If I could find somewhere for about £30 B&B, how many would like to participate? As I said, we'd need about 8 definites to make it worthwhile. So far:
Btd
Lib
ZK (as long as no exam conflict)
blamelewis (I assume yes)
JLE (As long as not too pricey)

[BtD] I don't know where Thos hides, but Projoy does, so maybe if he's reading this he could ask him. Thanks Projoy. And I have to say that I'm really not that witty. Early in May would probably be better for me (as already have work, choir, hen night and wedding to schedule around!)

[JLE] I'll most likely be driving down to the super-pilg from Manchester(ish), so you could have a lift (to make it a bit easier on the pocket).

I would echo "not too priciness" comments.

[Lib] Lovely, as I'll be going from Manchester. The only trouble would be getting back afterwards, assuming the usual amount of Pilgrimage alcohol-consumption... unless you happen to be the one and only teetotal person in the world of MC. ;-)

JLE/Lib] If you can afford to B&B it, then you have at least one night to recover.
Seeing as rab is also from Manchester, is there room for further car sharing?

[BtD/rab] rab can have a lift too, provided we're still talking at that point! And if Nik, the other near-Manchester crescenter (that I know of) wanted to join our car-party then he'd be welcome too. We could have a very long game in the car to extend the pleasure! Whee! [JLE] I'd rather B&B it to facititate alcohol consumption, if it fits in with your buget.

I've just cross posted the idea onto Orange and MCiOS. Lets see what happens ...

May I just say, there are some truly revolting Christmas card illustrations out there? I just unearthed a pack of 50 hideous ones. OH well, they came out at 5c each...

[Lib, rab, Btd] This sounds more like a "convention" than a pilg. Although I suppose I should avoid that dread word, rendered frightening by SciFi fans. Thos hasn't been hanging around lately, so I've popped him an email. It sounds like the kind of thing I'd enjoy, tho, so put me down as a willing participant. If JLE's on the ivories, perhaps I could turn his pages or play the swannee.

If singing is required, I can also sing reasonably well in tune, but would need to be provided with *both* music *and* words, as I know remarkably little music that is less than a hundred years old.

(This is just in case we end up doing One Song To The Tune Of Another. My voice, by the way, is a fairly high tenor, as those who have met me in Pilgrimages can attest. I've sung lead tenor in a barbershop quartet before.)

How very flattering to be remembered! I would of course be delighted to contribute in any way thought useful - and though there are many, many funnier people round these 'ere parts, and several script writers amongst us, I would be exceedingly happy to provide/contribute to/collaborate on scripts. I would just need a brief and a spot of notice! *Thos bows*

[flerdle] Feel free! I have in fact been telling anyone who'll listen about this cultural epidemic I have lovingly termed "Ugly Jesus". This Christ bloke (apparently some kind of child star in his day) has made a startling comeback this year in cribs, nativity scenes, christmas cards and so on, about which of course I am thrilled, were it not for the fact that he tends to be portrayed as anything from rather gangly to positively misshapen, and every so often poor Mary makes it look genetic. Send me your sightings of Ugly Jesus - you'll notice it's true!

There was a tradition in ancient times that Jesus was ugly. I think that this came not from any genuine historical fact but from Isaiah 53, which the Christians believed was about Jesus, and which describes the "suffering servant" as not beautiful to look at.
There is also an apocryphal book called the Acts of Paul, which describes Paul as a short, bald hunchback with a single furry eyebrow like a big caterpillar. However, these were considered signs of beauty in ancient times, so they are probably not historical either - apart from the baldness.

[JLE] Personally, I think singing in tune is probably a disadvantage.

[Projoy] Quite right -- Jeremy Hardy gets the biggest round of applause in 1S2TTOA....

(Dr Q) That's because his singing is so magnificently awful. The worst thing would be just a little out of tune. Garden and Cryer are both really good singers, especially boozy Barry.

I can't remember who it was who did Mr Boombastic by Shaggy (I think it was Garden) but it was absolutely superb.

All] I am planning to have one song to the tune of another. Projoy & Thos - you are very welcome to contribute and play (email me - my details are on the Orange pilg board).
It looks as if it is going to be a lot of fun! I nearly gave Samantha the job of preparing the briefs, but have decided to handle them myself. This will be done by New Year. Dunx is helping out with parts of the script and I've also had offers from I Say Porter. This works out well because both are abroad and can't attend (although Dunx has suggested a live phone session - is this a technical possibility blamelewis?) LotUS and Herr Bratche are also keen to attend and help.

Does anyone have a supply of Swannee Whistles and Kazoos?

It shouldn't be too difficult to fashion a Swanee Whistle out of a bicycle pump and a descant recorder mouthpiece though the pump might need to be sacrificed. A Kazoo is a comb with a bit of thin paper stuck to it.

You'll get plastic kazoos and quite possibly swanees in most tacky gift shops :) Phone sesh: I believe you can buy a mic to fit to a phone to amplify what the person on the other end is saying, but I'm really not all that confident with sound stuff - a lot depends on numbers and size of room - if it's fairly small scale then a phone with speakerphone and everyone else keeping quiet might do it, if it's pretty big then you're into PA's and so on - none of it impossible but it begins to need careful planning and cost money!
The critical info for me is really just the details of when and where... Date, location and cost of staying will determine if I can make it - I'll try my damndest! Assuming I can then I reckon we should find out what sort of size the place is and what sort of equipment the venue has, or can accomodate. In terms of video recording and sound:
Camera: Mine (miniDV camcorder) - and if we have 2 or 3 other attendees willing to lend theirs we could record fixed close ups of team a, team b and "humph" with the option of a fourth camera doing a wider angle and audience reaction shots, piano cutaways etc etc... The venues lighting will be a consideration especially as my camera is a consumer model and therefore not too good under anything other than bright lights
Sound: for that I reckon if we have Bob the Dog's 4 track and mics for team a, team b, "humph" and the piano.
My thinking is based on the assumption that it's primarily a live show for an audience, with two teams, a chairperson and a pianist. We want to perform it live and only use retakes if absolutely necessary. I'd be interested to hear from anyone who's attended a recording of ISIHAC about how the day ran in technical terms - if they recorded items out of sequence or with breaks in the recording... My email is blamelewis at yahoo dot co dot uk. In terms of operators for all that technology it could be done on a minimum of two (1 sound and 1 camera) but the more the merrier...

I belong to the Jeremy Hardy school of singing.

Blame] I've been lucky enough to go to a recording and I suggest we follow exactly the same format. At a particular venue, two shows for two consecutive weeks are recorded. They are recorded with a break in the middle which acts as refreshment time. I suggest that we have a Humph and four players for the first half followed by a beer break then a different four players for the second half. If we get more interest, we could get a second Humph (It'd be nice to ring the changes and offer the seat to more than one person). I've already had enough MCers showing interest to guarantee at least nine attendees, and if we get more (and I think we will) - we either have a bigger audience or will have to plan for more games.
Technically the shows are recorded in one go. Obviously there are times when a line is muddled (Humph is king of this). He simply starts again and the fluff is edited.
For those who have never attended and do not wish to know some of the secrets, I will paste the rest of this message on the laser display board.The show is semi-improvised, players having prepared for questions but still happy to ad-lib. The laser display board is John Naysmith with a piece of cardboard and you never actually see Samantha.

On the occasions I've seen it recorded there are usually some drop-in retakes to do at the end as well, but we perhaps might not be quite as fussy as the Beeb.

I'm pretty sure I can get a decent kazoo from the local music shop for about a quid, if that.

Colour me interested.

Can I ask that I only be semi-coloured interested, tinted perhaps, as I won't want to disappoint nearer the time should it turn out I can't make it.

Good luck to you all going to the pilg I'm not able to get a day or weekend pass.

And in other news, blamelewis is hiding his light under a bushel, so in the time honoured fashion it gives me great pleasure to announce, he is this weeks No1 on the Celebdaq.

...and I can't get there. :(

oooh [Inkspot] Ta for the mention. I suck, but who knows? I may get better! :)