[Bismarck] When Robert Maxwell had disappeared from his yacht, before his body was found, one of his friends was interviewed on the TV and said - utterly without inflection - that "He seemed in a buoyant mood the last time I saw him." I was somewhat delighted...

At 2 o'clock this morning the temperature in the grounds of Plas Huws was 19.0°C. It's October FFS. About 10 degC above what it should be.

It can't be global warming because Trump says it's not.

I read him as saying that it is OK to believe in climate change, as long as you are willing to be blamed for it. To show his acceptance, he is looking for volunteers.

25°C two weeks ago, now it's snowing. Is it going to be a hard winter or a mild winter?

25°C two weeks ago, now it's snowing. Is it going to be a hard winter or a mild winter?

(Bis) I suppose I ought to say something, being ex-Met Office. Well, mild or cold, FIIK.

Come on Rosie, you can do better than that. Where's your experience from previous years, observation of migration patterns of sparrows, wind direction causing bunion growth, modern glaciation etc etc to say nothing of the advanced abacus climate models?

The Met Office's Abba Cuss has been given over to accountancy. Helen Willetts will continue to suppress giggles on Radio 4. Tomasz Schaffernaker will say "cunt" on air and become "A" list. An inch of snow will cause widespread points failures. Points mean derailments. What do points mean?

Belated MHR for Sat. last, Rosie.

(Duj) Many thanks mate. Trombones abundant.

I have a riddle: If you're going down a river at 2MPH and your canoe loses a wheel, how much pancake mix would you need to re-shingle your roof?

3.