No apology necessary, Bigsmith. It's every man/woman for themselves. BTW - nice to see you :-)

rab] (yes!) I have to agree on the Laura front. Elaines are tall and broad (matronly), Joys are fey, Claires are outgoing and charismatic, Zoes are irresistible to all men and pretend they don't know it, Megans go to Cambridge Uni and get firsts, Felicitys are faithful and "enthusiastic”, Susans are calm and smart, Sandras are good at drawing dogs, Joannes are maternal, Julies work in travel agencies and K©atherines work so hard it makes an 82 hour week seem like a holiday in the Maldives.

On the bloke front, Daves, Petes, Donalds, Kevins, Rogers, Phils, Zebedees, Jamess etc are intimidated by Elaines, charmed by Joys, befriended by Claires, teased by Zoes, put in their place by Megans, married to Felicitys, sorted out by Susans, uncomfortable with Sandras, comfortable with Joannes, itemised by Julies and reprimanded by K©atherines for making such sweeping generalisations about female personalities.

I find it is the first letter that counts. I generally find that women with names beginning with J or K to be great all-rounders. E's are usually friendly and have a thing about Cliff Richard. A's are aggresive. B's are lacking in the brain department. M's and R's are beautiful but with problems. T's make for good wives. W's are off with the fairies. Z's are good at putting men down with lightning wit. C's tend to hide away and N's would be good at running the country.

(Bigsmith, Duj, St D) None of the above. You may need a larger-scale map. Also it's the name (or pen-name) of a long-dead Welsh poet. Definitely not Chirk, which may just resonate with ex-Pants members, or, thank God, Cwmbran.

(...for those who understand Perl regexps...)

[Chalky] Tongue-in-cheek, of course. The spelling doesn't really matter, but there is definitely a distinction between Kates, Katies and the above...

[BtD] Have to agree with you on almost all of those. I would also lump Jo(h)annas in with your Joannes... Also is it just me, but girls with hyphenated names can be a bit wet, possibly deriving from an indecision on the part of their parents.

[rab] :-) I get called Katy quite a lot by certain friends - must be when I'm being jolly. But usually I'm Kathryn to my mother, and Kathy to everyone else. The only name I object to is Kath - which always sounds like the cleaning lady. Anyway - enough of me ...
[Rosie] Do we know how many letters there are in your mysterious, geographical, extremely rare, begins with C middle name?

What about S? (My real first name starts with S too..)

[snorgle] S's usually wear woolly jumpers in the summer and laugh a lot.

[snorgle] Bam Sally On Chin? Did anyone get your anagram? If not - what's the letter split, I'll try and guess it.

Bool] What about J's?

[BtD] See above for female J's. I don't find it works for males.

chalky - 7 and 7..

(Chalky) There are seven. People in Wales would know it. About 15 years ago I had a nasty car smash (not my fault, for once) in Croydon, Whitehorse Road. The police had to be called because the car was blocking the road and the copper who took my name was Welsh. He pronounced my middle name better than I did. Very embarassing, because my own speech, while mostly RP, has a good dash of saaf London in it. (snorgle) Surname Binchly? First name - I wouldn't be so bold. (Chalky, again) A friend has a daughter Kathryn (b. 1972) who now wishes to be called Kay. There's a main street in Croydon called Katharine Street, but the interesting thing is that locals, including me, always pronounce the last syllable to rhyme with "wine", "dine", "line" etc. There you go, as Melvyn Bragg would say.

[Rosie] "ine" as in "wine"? Not a bad idea, I suppose, but my daughter's middle name rhymes with 'in', 'bin', 'sin' - which, in retrospect, was probably the correct thing to do. ... ;-) On your middle name, I shall drag out the atlas and have a hunt.
[snorgle] I am 'stumped' at the moment ... possibly my grey matter playing up ... Is your first name one which you would consider as common or is it rather unusual (as per Rosie's middle title)?

Off to Leeds for the day, so I'll probably have to bow out of the current round of AVMA guessage. Oh well... also slightly hungover after a complicated situation involving two bad pubs, three bottles of wine, a colleague of my nearest and dearest and my housemate...

Rosie> Would it be Ceiriog, from John Ceiriog Hughes (1832-1887)? The surname led me to it. Also a small forest near Wrexham. If this isn't right then I'm afraid I for one will need another clue as I'm otherwise stumped. Chalky> Nice to be back ;-)

snorgle] Sybilla?.
Rosie] By jove - I think B'Smiths got it!
Re. the 'wine' at the end of Katherine - 'tis heard in many a Shakespearean romp - enables the acTORRRR to en-UN-ciate and prrro-JECT the name in the finest tradition of Luvvie Deliverrreh [think Brian Blessed in The Taming of the Shrew].

My first name isn't in english, to be fair. My surname starts with 3 consonants, but isn't foreign.

Oh, is it "Tchea-Fruit" like in Neopets?

Siobhan?

Darren, all those drugs are bad for you. You should stop taking them now. ooh simulpost! That's right Bob the Dog! My surname goes well with it too...

simulposted twice ! [snorgle] Siobhan McNally?

And I now see that BtD got there first . . . .

(Bigsmith) Congratulations. That's me. Not sure about the forest you mention, but there's a river and village with the name. See http://www.chirk.com/ceiriog.html My Dad was from Glynceiriog. Bit of a writer himself. (Chalky) Never thought of it that way, the streets of Croydon not being awash with thespians. Another example could be Gilbert and Sullivan's "conservatives", rhyming with "knives". (snorgle) Would one of those three consonants be a "y"? Hmm...I'll have to have a think.

Bool - great minds etc. - simulposted 4 times!. My message was to be
"simulposted! [snorgle] Siobhan McNally?"
Uncanny McNally

I have just been offered some pumpkin pie, fresh from the oven and made with our own eggs and pumpkins. Wow it is good! Anyone else for a slice? snorgle] Are we right?

Siobhan - is this you?

Yep - you're all right. Except for Rosie. [Bob the dog] No, although I've seen that before! Apparently my namesake works for the Sunday Mirror.. there's also a Queen of the Universe!

(Rosie) Checked out the website - I've been thereabouts, many years ago on a canal boat holiday on the Llangollen. I was therefore most interested in the page about the aquaducts. Just the ticket for a boring Friday afternoon in the office - thanks old chap!!

[Btd] My first Thanksgiving two years ago when I met my now brother-in-law for the the first time was memorable mainly for his reaction to the news that I Had never had pumpkin pie, and yet it's barely known outside the US. Very strange.

Actually, I tell a lie - a Bulgarian colleague was telling me that there is a Bulgarian pumpkin pie, but it is more akin to baclava with pumpkin layered between the pastry.

Dunx] This is a UK pie to a US recipe. Best I've had.

Bob the Dog] E-mail me some pie as an attachment. In addition to the pie, we have the wonderful mashed potatoes with lots of gravy, cole slaw with a hint of horseradish, sometimes sweetpotatoes, cranberry jelly on rolls with butter, and creamed onions (small white onions in a cream sauce with celery seed as the primary flavoring). And of course, there's the turkey. I like the crisp skin the best.

You're making my mouth water - I'm having Tuna Steak tonight. And I want to have a bash at making a chowder. Has anyone got any recipes for chowders other than the clam variety because a) I don't like seafood and 2) Tesco's don't have clams.

Tina] Please send recipe for creamed onions - it is a dish we don't do here!

My most recent wierd spam subject was Re:Handbags of antelopes. Whaaa?

Will do, but it will take a couple of sessions. My family is very possessive of its recipes.

(snorgle) HANDBAAAGS? (© Dame Judy Dench). Did you read the spam?

It was something about mortgages, apparently. Hotmail blocks linked images from appearing for privacy, so I missed out on some no doubt vital and personally useful information, but there you go. The ones I hate are the sneaky subjects like re:report, or I'm sorry I offended you. But surreal ones are at least vaguely amusing..

Just got this note from my sister in Albuquerque. "use small, not tiny, white onions. Boil them until tender. Drain and add a tiny bit of flour mixed in some milk, then some cream, salt, pepper and butter. I don't have any meaurements. I also add some parsley or finely sliced scallions. I often add a piece of garlic when boiling." As to the garlic and scallions, my mother never did that. For the salt, she used celery salt.

There has been a change at the top at Celebrity MC congratulations to Chalky in going to No1 just two weeks after being kneecapped.

PANIC! Thanks for your report; However, unlike Chalky I'm panicking. Just changed horses for the bolt to the line; am I going to fall over into the 2-million (grab two green wads and convert them to a flashy car) or am I going to be robbed of my £950,000 and fall back into the arms of the following wolves? My heart is racing, my brow is perspiring and, frankly m'dear I couldn't give a damn. Err, well I do, really, after the extraordinary effort of the last week should I make the new podume I shall have a 'big think' about why I'm doing this. Stupid game... rigged... the ref's are biased... and so on - I WANT A FLASH CAR. ........ Sulks.

Thank you! I will try this - although being a bloke I tend to rely on measurements for my cooking. I probably start with a white sauce recipe - and I'll have to get some celery salt.

I'm just 200 000 short myself of the magic 2 million mark - pleasepleaseplease let there be a run on Paul and Heather McCartney! I won't get a flashy car (already got one!) but I hate just being short by such a small amount. If I can get 2 wads of cash, I only need 1 more for a flashy yacht! I can go sailing in the Mediterranean then.. :)

Need everyone's help. My sister, in America, wants to know what it means to have to paint the "fourth bridge." Can someone help?

I think it refers to the Forth Bridge, which, it is said, takes so long to paint that, once the painters have done a complete coat, it's time to begin repainting it again, so the job never ends.

Indeed. Unfortunately, to save money, they stopped painting it regularly, and huge rusty chunks started falling off it, particularly onto North Queensferry. (My dad lives near there and I've seen it myself). I try not to think of the massive bolts on the ground when crossing on the train..

Thanks for the answers.

Curses! Only 1 wad of cash, I must have just missed it..

snorgle]your not alone with your wad. Come on board my luxury yacht just off Crete, and I'll break out another Bolly:)

Could spam create another game? With game moves being titles of spam in your mailbox?

I like to know how much of everything as well - but I still throw things into the oven at whatever temperature I think is best and cook until not quite black.

Bool] I'm jealous! My other half has that talent - the Jackson Pollock school of cookery. She can throws it all in and it becomes a feast.

[BtD] I remember her cake - very tasty.

(Boolbar) So may I say "well done"? The term used in the chemical industry is "pyrolyse". :-)

In creative cookery, and when taken to extremes, ain't that 'Cajun style'?

Bad luck, snorgle. You have my condolences - it happened to me once. I was lucky with my selection and managed the new car. Ah well, back to the grindstone - now I have to pay its running costs.

DearI’m Sorry I Haven’t A Clue listener, ThisThis is to bring you advance knowledge of a special Christmas show, entitled I’m Sorry I Haven’t A Christmas Carol, which will be recorded on Thursday 18th December at the Logan Hall, University of London, 20 Bedford Way, London WC1H 0AL.It is something of a change from the usual format, in that there will be no desks… Instead, the programme’s regulars will be telling the story of miserable Ebenezer Scrumph and his put-upon assistant Crotchet, with appearances from the ghosts of Christmases Future, Present and Pissed. No prizes for guessing who plays what here. They will be supported by a cast of regular guests of the programme, including Jeremy Hardy, Sandi Toksvig, Tony Hawks, Andy Hamilton and Linda Smith with Stephen Fry as the narrator. Tickets are £7.50 each, and will go on sale from 9a.m. tomorrow (Tuesday 4th November). They are being sold by a ticketing company called Warnes, and can be purchased over by phone with a credit card by calling 020 8545 2737 between 9a.m. – 5p.m. Monday to Friday. Please note that the sum debited will appear on your statement as Warnes Mail Marketing Ltd, and that they don’t take American Express. Alternatively you can apply for tickets by emailing LindaR@warnes.co.uk Reservations by e-mail should contain your name, your card details, your address, the quantity of tickets required and a telephone number in case of a problem with the card. If you prefer, you can send the first part of the credit card number in one e-mail, followed by the second part and expiry date in a second. N.B. When using a 'Switch' Card, you must quote the "Commencement Date, Expiry Date and Issue Number" if there is an issue number. That is all :o)

Bugger - that's the works' Christmas Party night.

[Bigsmith] Work Schmirk!

[penelope] Party Hearty!!

Pen/Bigs] Babysitter Scmabyitter.

[pen] Ocean schmocean. :(

[pen] Praise be to those who share news! Not that I can go.

not me .... the telephone line

Argh! *Sobs quietly*

I had a mad babysitter who made green popcorn and owned several hundred sets of salt&pepper shakers. She also kept every single newspaper (free or not) that she ever got. You could only go through her house via a single path through the vast piles of newspaper. She sent us her brother's autopsy report several years after we moved. I have NO IDEA why - but it had quite a vivid description of his lungs, as he died partly from pneumonia.

[snorgle] Was that in Canada - or is she still at large in the UK?

You are fortunate - she lived in Ottawa. She may be dead by now, too. She came from a line of Quebecois hillbillies and both her brother and sister who lived with her were... strange - they were mute, but made wierd noises which terrified us kids. Pity really, because they weren't mean, just trying to be friends..

the newspapers thing reminds me of a film i saw once - set in Finland or Norway or Canada or somewhere, with a lady who stacked newspapers all over her house just how you describe. There was a child involved I think who got taken away. A very nice film.

[snorgle] That morbid collecting of newspapers is a great deal more common than you might think... there was a series on a few years ago (before I left the UK, although I never watched it) called something like "Sanitation Inspectors" where their whole job was to go into the houses of people who had become obsessed with this kind of collecting and clear out the junk.

I have a colleague whose neighbours did this too. The developer who now owns their property has been trying to clear out the house for six months now. Quite sad, really.

Yes - there was a case about 200 yards from where I live. The occupant (male I think) was found dead amongst his collections. There was a room in the house with only two feet of space left at the top.

My Dad is a little like this too - he can't bear to part with things, especially if he feels that there is a possibility it can be repaired or reused. I think he has three partially operative video recorders. Come to think of it, my Mum was a little like that too (never threw a jam-jam or biscuit-tin out) - mind you, she reused them all. I wonder if it comes from a wartime childhood?

Or an anti-consumption ethic - which for better or worse I share.

[Btd] What does tuberculosis have to do with it?

Still, as a member of a collecting family, I can hardly point the finger too aggressively. My wall of Trek tapes would only point back.

I throw everything away, unless I remember what it is, it brings back a recollection of something, or I think I might use it someday in a book.

[Tina] Well, that last one has been my excuse to keep probably about half of my possessions. Fifteen years later, and I haven't written a blessed word about any of it.

[dunx] But it's so nice to THINk about writing.

Given the response to clutter I am ever so glad that none of you have seen my workshop! As far as writing goes, I think that none of my 'stuff' would assist me in that venture - although I did think a few months ago that I might attempt some sort of novel. I did - it's still on page three! Perhaps some sort of regime may help (both subjects); maybe save one hour per day for each? This would mean the workshop should be cleared and tidied by 2020 and a manuscript organised by, say, 2005. Hmmm. ;-)

I've just about cured myself of (a) keeping any bit of paper with spare space on it, and (b) thinking of butter as a luxury. Result of an immediate post-war childhood when these items were a bit short, to say the least.

What ho! Just fancied sharing a thought that Haz got from an insightful friend:
How do "Keep Off The Grass" signs get there?

other pearls of wisdom included:

Why do they call it 'getting your dog fixed' if afterwards it doesn't work any more?

If WilE Coyote had enough money for all the Acme products, why didn't he just buy dinner?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?

Do one-legged ducks swim in circles?

Why do Fat Chance and Slim Chance mean the same thing?

And who opened that first oyster and said "My, my, my. Now doesn't *this* look yummy!"

...of no particular consequence but you have to share the laughter...

[ZK] Chuckles.

Why are not Bactrian camels more prolific than Dromedaries given that the former has more humps than the latter?

Oh bugg*r did I say anti-consumption? At some point I'll get enough sleep. ZK - :o)