Let's see how this works out.
Expose all
Tuj - *hides behind ostrich*
rab - I'm not here.
Uncle Korky - Who's seeking? Simons? *he calls from deep cover*
Inkspot - *shhhhhh*
Darren - I think we have to start by seeking the rules, wherever Simons has hidden them. He gave us one clue in saying that he was inspired by ISIHAC. But is he hiding from ISIHAC?
Darren - PS. I can see Tuj behind the ostrich.
Tuj - [Darren] Sorry. Shut your eyes, count to 100, and I promise I'll have moved by the time you reopen them.
Néa - Is this Spot the Herring?
Darren - It's spotted already - which is odd, considering I thought it had been cured.
Néa - discreetly hides Simons' left shoe
Knobbly - Everyone's taken the best places; I should have arrived sooner.
*Stands in middle of room, covers eyes and hopes for the best*
Kim - *Hides behind Knobbly*
Darren - *Hides behind lies*
Lib - *hides in bed, not telling you whose as that would make it too easy to spot me*
Botherer - *Hides up the chimney* He'll never find me here!
Néa - *having hidden Simons' left shoe, hides in Simons' left shoe*
Simons Mith - . . .
Darren - Simons appears to be spotting himself.
Botherer - Darren, don't make me laugh! It'll give me away!
Darren - I didn't realise you were getting married.
Tuj - *continues to be hidden*
Uncle Korky - *Breaks cover, runs, and hides somewhere more secure*
Chalky - *hides behind an arras and listens attentively*
CdM - Sorry I'm late. OK, I've got this cowskin and a turbanned Indian gentleman. Now what am I supposed to do?
Botherer - *Gets soot in his mouth causing snorting and wheezing to boot* with thanks to irach and the orange limericks...
Simons Mith - Aha! Found something! This is going on the treasure pile!

Item: 'somewhere more secure'. Score: 1

Simons Mith - Ooh look, and there's an ostrich's rear end and a broken cover. I'll stash them too:

Item: 'ostrich behind'. Score: 1
Item: 'a broken cover' Score: ½

Botherer - Joining in the spirit: *hides soot in his mouth causing snorting and wheezing to boot that I got earlier* Find that, Sherlock!
Darren - He hasn't noticed where I've concealed Dr Jekyll's partner yet.
Tuj - *hides mousetraps under sofa*
*snigger*
Botherer - *snorts and wheezes to boot*
Tuj - *hides boot*
Inkspot - *Footsteps! best move position a bit, what the ...? oh yeeeeuuuuch*
Botherer - [Inkspot] I see you've discovered where I was hidin' sick. Anyone know where I can find a copy of the Surprise Symphony? That's right, I'm on a Haydn seek.
Simons Mith - I think I'm going to concentrate my efforts on searching for Oxbridge professors at significant altitude. There must be a couple of them about.
Néa - *relief*
ImNotJohn - Sorry, I've been on the roof looking for Mr Parslow.
Darren - I've been busy too, concealing various Sikhs around the place.
Tuj - Hide and seek - I'll hide and then look for you?
Darren - Oh look, I've found Mornington Crescent.
Audience - *shouts, screams generally goes wild for Darren*
This is the end of the line. There is no more.