I Eat My Peas With Honey
And tales of derring-do.
Four lines, they can be rhyming
(That's Glow Worms to me and you).
Ending line is as usual.
Expose all
I Say, Porter! - I stayed up watching telly
Rosie - It sent me off to sleep all right
Darren - But turned my brain to jelly
Tuj - I wish I were a pair of jeans [p,I,R,D] Excellent!
penelope - Of worn and faded blue
Rosie - My nice snug fit, it is the means
Raak - Of getting close to you.
Kim - I wish I was an aubergine
Irouléguy - Purple, long and firm
Darren - I know I would be popular
Chalky - In the med-i-um long-term
Chalky - I wish I had two Langoustines
Rosie - The gourmet that I am
irach - In fact I have three mangosteens
Uncle Korky - Two turnips and a yam.
A forgotten line -
Kim - I fail to understand, ma'am
Raak - Why my cakes never rise
Dandalf - I've even added VIAGRA
Irouléguy - To the icing - was that wise?
Rosie - I wish I were a spider
Darren - I'd spin myself a web
penelope - I'd unpick silken underwear
Irouléguy - And scare to death a deb Darren] Now what have we said about awkward rhymes?
penelope - I don't begrudge a shilling
Software - For my arse, it is not tight
Darren - In fact, it is quite willing [Irouléguy] What about "Bush's brother Jeb"?
Botherer - To house homeless folk at night
Rosie - I wish I were a lumberjack (Softers) You never told me!
Tuj - All lithe and butch and tall Which adjective to end the line with? Oh OK.
Software - I'd dress up in my girlie clothes [Rosie] some things are best left unsaid ;-)
Darren - And mince around each Fall
Botherer - I wish I was a Wotsit
penelope - A crunchy, cheesy snack
Projoy - I go down well with sweet white wine
Software - Or a Guiness pack
Chalky - I'm casting off my wordly goods
Darren - So I will join the poor
penelope - The chavs and spotty youths in hoods
Rosie - Their giggles I'll ignore.
Software - I wish I were a naturist
penelope - And didn't have to dress
Botherer - I'd buy a range of merkins
Rosie - For dealing with the press.
Botherer - I wish I'd been to Sydney
Software - Before they built the bridge
Darren - It makes it look so ugly
Chalky - Much like a large Smeg fridge - clutching at the only available straw
Chalky - I want to tame a lion cub
Botherer - I think I'll need a chair
Software - But if its name is Elsa
Darren - I'd only style its hair
Rosie - I wish I had a big white van
Botherer - I'd drive it every day
penelope - I'd be the archetypal man
Software - Even though I'm gay Strictly stated for the sake of the rhyme only
Tuj - I wish I were a hooligan
Rosie - Big and strong and thick
Phil - With "Engerland" tattooed in red
Botherer - And white upon my dick Sorry, sorry, sorry...
Rosie - I wish I were a photon (Botherer) A dick tattoo? Wow! Respect! :-)
Knobbly - Ignoring Newton's laws I thought '...laws of physics' but couldn't think of any rhyming possibilities
Raak - I'd whiz along null intervals
penelope - And hurtle through closed doors
Darren - If I were an electron
Rosie - My negativitee
Raak - Would shield me with a 'lectric field
Software - In nano-tech-nol-gee
Darren - I wish I were a glow-stick
Irouléguy - a-waving in the stands
Software - But now that England's knackered
penelope - I'll just sit on my hands
Tuj -
I wish I were a linesman
Rosie - I'd wave my flag like mad
Software - The players mostly shun us
Raak - Which makes us very sad.
Ki - I wish I were an umpire
Kim - (It's my nickname)
I wish I were an umpire
Raak - To fathom right from wrong
Tuj - I'd stand with utmost gravitas
Rosie - My legs are square, and strong.
penelope - bokes with gravitas
Did you hear the new Ralph Lauren outfits for Wimbledon's line judges were splitting in a crucial place when they assumed their active stance? They had to go back to the AELTA's seamstresses to be double stitched... oh how we laughed.
I wish I was a seamstress
Darren - Stitching private places
Knobbly - Getting line judges back to work
Tuj - And save them from disgraces.
Rosie - I wish I were a hailstone
Software - I'd bounce off someone's head
Raak - And if I had grown large enough
penelope - I might kill them stone dead
Tuj - I wish I were a stormcloud
Darren - All dark and full of thunder
Projoy - My voice would roar for miles around
Raak - From Up Here to Down Under.
Phil - May I interject and say how much I've enjoyed the last 6 (yes, six) verses? Yes? Thank you! Now, onwards and upwards...
Phil - I wish I'd won the Lotto
Darren - I'd take it all in cash
Raak - I'd go out and get blotto
Irouléguy - then dine on pie and mash
Rosie - I wish I were a drawbridge
penelope - Portcullis, Mott or Bailey
Software - I'd do my bit to ward the foe
Botherer - Right off. I'd do it daily.
Kim - I wish I were an Orchid
Darren - So delicate and rare
Tuj - I'd hide in some obscure locale
Chalky - And quietly flaunt my ware
Chalky - I wish I had more fingers
Dujon - And just one extra thumb
Software - Another arm or two would help
Raak - But not another bum.
Kim - If all the world were chocolate
Darren - And all the seas were jam
Software - The sun would surely melt it all
Tuj - And bake into a flan.
Raak - If I was mighty Caesar
Software - I'd conquer all the Brits
Tuj - But then I'd tick off Brutus
Darren - He'd stab me in the tits
Rosie - I wish I were a telephone
Botherer - With numbers on my face
Darren - And when somebody rang me
Software - I'd clang the bells within my base
Kim -
Sexual Intercourse tailed off
In nineteen ninety-three
(which was much too soon for me)
Between the birth of my second son
And my vasectomy.
- ...and now, back to our usual program...
Raak - If I were Ozymandias
Knobbly - I wouldn't make such boasts
Irouléguy - I'd beware of global warming
Software - And disappearing coasts
Rosie - I wish I were a laser beam
Darren - Coherent, thin and straight
Software - Would I be red or I be green?
Chalky - Such answers I await. ... that's got shot of that one. Now for another ...
Chalky - I wish so much I'm sure to die
Software - Without acheiving many
Kim - Yet, even if just one came true
penelope - You might all call me 'Jenny'
Knobbly - A simple way to make new friends
Rosie - And get out of the house
Darren - Is, sign up with the RAF
Chalky - And fly with Mighty Mouse
Raak - I love to wear tiaras
Rosie - They're dear; I make my own
Software - I also knit my own ball gowns
Darren - Plus my wigs are home-sewn
penelope - My feet are gently melting
Rosie - So I'm two inches shorter
Software - Perhaps I should have cooled them
Darren - In buckets full of water
Tuj - I wish I had some sweetcorn
Software - But I just can't think why
Darren - Perhaps I like the texture
Chalky - I'll tell you by-and-by
Chalky - I wish I was a mermaid
Software - With fishtail and blonde hair
Rosie - You'd never get me up the duff <hypocrisy> Sorry to lower to the tone </hypocrisy>
Darren - Cos I'm just scales down there
penelope - A single North Sea Herring
Raak - Has 20,000 kids
Darren - Myself, I aim to beat that
Chalky - 'Cause I've sired four million squid(s)
Knobbly - If every squid in the ocean
Rosie - Were fed with marmalade
Software - Then my dish of calamari
Darren - Would taste like orangeade
Phil - I tried to dance a tango
Rosie - Alas, I've two left feet
Software - Instead I'll stomp just like Dave Clark for those old enough to remember
Raak - And never find the beat.
Tuj - I'd like to learn to foxtrot
Software - I need a dancing fox
Kim - 'Coz when I try it on my own
Darren - I tangle up my socks
Raak - The head of Alf Garcia
Raak - Oops...
The head of Alf Garcia
Chalky - Is wanted everywhere
Darren - So bring it to me pronto
Rosie - With its unknowing stare.
Kim - I had a little website
Raak - No ads would it bear
Software - Nor irritating pop-ups
Irouléguy - Just edible underwear
Darren - I think you've created a new nursery rhyme there.
Rosie - Jack and Jill went up the pub taking the cue
Software - For a little light binge drinking
Darren - Afterwards they felt quite sick
Chalky - Is this an example of a glow worm that doesn't inspire? Could be Line 2 which is tricky to match. Hey - I'll finish it anywise ... if only to open the door to something a bit more sparky ...
So puked up and were stinking.
Chalky - I wish I had some backbone
Rosie - And loads of attitude
Software - I'd tell all the b*stards out there
penelope - Not to be so rude
nights - Once I went to Mexico
irach - And met some senoritas
Software - But they all called me 'gringo'
Kim - And made me eat fajitas
Darren - If you go to Edinburgh
irach - Pass by the Firth of Forth
Knobbly - Take the fifth road on the right
Software - You'll fall in the Forth of course
Tuj - I wish I had an aardvark
Irouléguy - Or two, so they could mate
Rosie - I would, of course, avert my gaze
penelope - When aardvarks conjugate
Raak - My terrapins are frisky
Rosie - They're dancing the gavotte (Raak) Have you been at that Hungarian phrase-book again?
nights - My turtles, on the other hand
Irouléguy - Might mate, or they might not
Rosie - I wish I were a metronome
Chalky - With timing strict and true
Software - I would tick away the hours
penelope - Till my time's up with you
Irouléguy - I wish I'd paid the gas bill
irach - So that my range would work
Rosie - 'Cos rubbing sticks together's hard
Software - Just makes me feel a berk
Kim - I'm getting all excited
Phil - I'm feeling all a-quiver
penelope - My brother's getting knighted
Software - Just for falling in the river
Kim - I wish I were an emu
irach - Or an ostrich or a rhea
Irouléguy - I'd peck at Rupert Murdoch's legs
Rosie - While we all stand and cheer.
irach - I wish i wasn't Marley's Ghost
Tuj - I envy Christmas Past
Software - I'd like a Christmas Present
penelope - And huge turkey repast
Rosie - I wish I were a pussycat Shouts of "YOU ARE".
Raak - And you were Tweety Pie
Tuj - I'd try to sneak up to you
nights - And make you scream "You lied!"
Tuj - I wish I had some shepherd's pie
Rosie - With which to fill my tummy
Phil - With onion gravy, chips and peas
Uncle Korky - I'll have to ask my Mummy.
Irouléguy - I wish I had a pint of ale
Software - Tho' two would be much better
penelope - I might just spill them on my lap
Darren - Then my crotch would be wetter
Rosie - I wish I were the Ace of Spades
Juxtapose - I'd trump all other suits
Software - And if I were hidden up a sleeve
Botherer - A French croupier might shout "Zut!"
I know it wasn't very good, but that one was dying a death...
nights - My hovercraft is full !Danger - unfinished sentence!
Rosie - of ghastly little eels
Raak - It will not help me pull
Software - That girlie in high heels.
nights - I think I might be gay
Phil - I'll put it to the test
Software - I'll hang around in dodgy bars
penelope - And wear a muscle vest
nights - Would you like to go Yet another unfinished sentence - goodness me
irach - Where no one else has gone?
Software - Would that be quite boldly?
Chalky - And then what, thereupon?

[dear nights] your 3 first lines have produced 3 splendid little ditties, bu-ut - if we're doing 'Glow Worms' correctly, they are all missing a beat, ie: Te TUM te TUM te TUM [te] TUM.
Chalky - I need to find some isinglass
penelope - My glasses all need 'issing Can't see a thing...
Raak - And then I'll need some ambergris
Raak - Ahem, And then I'll need some ambergris
gil - Oh, dear, I think it's missing
nights - [Chalky] Thanks for the pointer. I always was better at English Language than Literature.
Rosie - I have a brand new toaster
irach - Which has a pop-up feature
Darren - It tends to pop up far too soon
Software - Just like Michael Meacher
Tuj - My microwave has broken down
Rosie - I'll have to use the grill
Software - It's not easy to brew cups of tea
Phil - The odds are slim to nil
Tuj - I climbed into my oven
Knobbly - To check on my soufflé
Rosie - I found it rather hot in there
Chalky - It melted my moufflé - go figure :-)
Chalky - I'm partial to a bit of cheese
irach - Camembert would be dandy
Raak - I rub it well into my knees [Chalky] "The loose covering around the nose and lips of deer"?
Darren - Which stops them going bandy
Chalky - [Raak] Ha! [the man can read my mind]
penelope - Ha! The man can read my mind
Rosie - For he is most perceptive
Software - To understand a lady's thoughts
Raak - And make a pass pre-emptive.
Tuj - I wish I were a dandelion
Rosie - For I would spread my seed . . er, coat, possibly
Software - With little floaty fluffy things
Chalky - So please don't intercede
Rosie - I wish I were a traffic light
Tuj - I'd flash in public places
Juxtapose - Pedestrians would stop for me
Software - Except in special cases
Raak - I wish I were a ping-pong ball
Kim - A-bouncing to and fro
Rosie - with topspin, backspin, swerve and dip
Tuj - I'd get a headache though
penelope - I wish I was your car keys
Botherer - A-sitting in your pocket
Rosie - About to be inserted
Software - In your neat little socket
Chalky - I wish I was a humming bird
Rosie - My little wings I'd whir
Juxtapose - I'd drink my weight in sugar
Phil - In a jade and turqoise blur
Rosie - I wish I was a gramophone A GRAMOPHONE??
Chalky - With varying R M P
Raak - [Chalky] RPM?
Chalky -
Rosie - I wish I was a gramophone
Chalky - With varying R P M - [Raak] doh :-)
Software - And an eight disk stacker
Phil - Hey, I had one of them!<
Raak - I had a little lens brush
Botherer - Its bristles were all fine
Rosie - No matter what I did with it
Darren - My glasses failed to shine
Chalky - I had a little nut tree
Darren - But nothing would it bear
Botherer - Despite its coy expression
Raak - I overheard it swear.
Cha - :-) :-) :-)
Rosie - I had a little atom bomb
Kim - I lent it to a mate
penelope - I had to make him promise that
Raak - He would not make us late. (in the Slartibartfastic sense.)
Irouléguy - I drank a little brandy
oldbloke - From a crystal glass
Raak - It made me feel quite randy (oblig.)
Anotheroldbloke - Clary, watch your arse. Alas it is I, Rosie.
irach - I wish I wasn't an old bloke
Tuj - But young sprightly and gay
Rosie - I'd give someone a bold poke (irach) Are you?
Software - If they suggest I'm fay
Kim - If I were not a lawyer [oldblokes] Is there a minimum age limit to join your club?
Chalky - I'd be a hypnotist
Tuj - I'd go to trendy night-clubs Pretty sure I shouldn't have been involved in that last one
Rosie - And hope to be note-issed. Less than perfect....
Rosie - I wish I were made of metal (Kim) We welcome fogeys, old and young.:-)
Irouléguy - And polished every Tuesday
Chalky - I'd shine out like a shiny star - is this going to hang around for ages because it's an impossible rhyme?
Phil - On National Shiny Shoes Day
Tuj - I'm glad to be a fogey
Rosie - With collar, tie and spats
Software - I'll sit and smoke my meerschaum
Chalky - And curse all youthful brats - Oh well played, Phil!
Chalky - I'm proud to be a girlie-girl
Phil - With pigtails oh so cute Thanks, Chalky, although I must acknowledge inspiration from Sting's "Spread a Little Happiness"
Irouléguy - I'll simper and I'll curtsey Chalky, Phil] Sorry, wasn't thinking
Botherer - But never will I mute
Tuj - I wish I were more hirsute
Darren - With inch-long body hair
Raak - Instead I'll make a fursuit
irach - To look like Yogi Bear
Tuj - I wish I were the Albert Hall
Rosie - Imposing, tall and round
irach - I wouldn't be the Carnegie
Darren - Which has a nasty sound
irach - I wish I were a teapot stout
Rosie - Nestling in a cosy (irach) You didn't mean a teapot spout, did you? :-)
irach - [Rosie] No, I did mean "stout", as in "I'm a little teapot short and stout, Here's my handle, here's my spout", which incidentally was my first theatrical role as a Kindergarten thespian many moons ago :-)
Chalky - Dispensing comfort through my spout
- A lovely cup of Rosie! - sorry - couldn't resist
Software - I wish I were a thespian
Kim - who played great tragic roles
Darren - I'd wow the crowd with my King Lear
Rosie - Wealth and fame my goals. (Chalky) You haven't met me yet. :-). (irach) I know the one.
Chalky - I wish I had more energy - [Rosie] and sadly it's looking doubtful now :-(
Software - I'd join the local gym
Darren - But sadly I can't move at all
Rosie - Let alone get trim. (Chalks) Bad news. Hope things improve.:-)
Kim - If I were not a brickie
Software - A surgeon I would be
Tuj - I'd bin my dirty dungarees
Rosie - 'Fore knocking off at three.
Kim - If I were not a shot-putter
Phil - The hammer I would chuck
irach - I love to swing things and to hurl
Software - And especially sling the muck
Software - whoops :0
Rosie - If I were not a footballer
Chalky - No-one would know my name
irach - No Spice Girl would come close to mei
Software - So darts would be my game
Kim - If I were not a vicar
Tuj - I'd still wear my dog collar
Uncle Korky - I got it cheap on Ebay
Software - But the postage cost ten dollar
Kim - If I were not a blogger
Chalky - I'd have no lady friends
Phil - But still I'd sit at my PC
Botherer - And... well, now that depends...
Kim - If I were not a toyboy
Raak - I'd be a lumberjack
Darren - But not in women's clothing
Chalky - 'Cause a gusset it doth lack
Juxtapose - Once I had a little cat
Tuj - I taught it to drink beer
Irouléguy - It used to sit upon the bar
Chalky - With a 'nebriated leer
Rosie - I wish I were a b'nana
Software - Yellow, smooth and bent
Kim - Served up to a b'wana
penelope - In Tangier or Tashkent
Kim - I'm glad I'm not a toadstool
Software - Elves and faries I do hate
irach - I'm not a sprite's umbrella
Rosie - But do help toads to mate.
Chalky - I wish I wish - oh, HOW I wish
Raak - That I was ten years old
Irouléguy - And didn't have to go to work
Software - Or do as I am told
Juxtapose - I wish I were a worker bee
Phil - I'm sick of being Queen
Darren - I'd have a much less regal head
irach - Not just be an egg machine.
Chalky - It only takes an hour or so
Darren - To wait for sixty minutes
irach - But since e=mc squared
Software - We must work within the limits
Kim - I beat my fleas with money
Raak - I do it with my wife
irach - That's not to say my wife's a flea
Software - Its just safer than a knife
Kim - As I sat, sad and lonely
Darren - Just staring at this page
Raak - I thought of all my work to do
penelope - As this site's hermitage
penelope - At* At* At* dammit!
irach - As I.. I.. I.. I stutter
irach - As I.. I.. I.. I stutter (Ahem..., returning sheepishly, but emboldened)
Software - And str-struggle with my lisp
Rosie - The www.ords I try to utter
Chalky - Resemble will-o'-wisp - Phew, that was a struggle - thanks Softers me old mate for a great rhyming challenge :-)
Phil - My joints are nearly ready
Chalky - To tackle Pen-Y-Ghent
Rosie - Such challenges are heady
Darren - When both your knees are bent
Rosie - I wish I were a footpath
Irouléguy - Leading down the glen
penelope - A path to tread with measured gait
Juxtapose - Just ev'ry now and then
Raak - I wish I were an earwig
Darren - In fields quite near to Hülen
ircah - Rather than being a mere Whig
Software - I wouldn't look so sullen...time for bed..
Rosie - I wish I were a keyboard
Botherer - A qwerty one, in fact
Software - With UK English atributes
Knobbly - Like a ' below the @
@llow Me -
Botherer - I wish I were a springbok
irach - With a very springy gait
Rosie - 'Cos cheetahs can't half motor
Darren - And slow bods all get ate
Kim - I wish I were a ptarmigan
Software - 'Tho based somewhere down south
irach - I'd get myself some Dixie chicks
Phil - And feed them "nil by mouth"
Rosie - I wish I were a tuning fork
irach - Which posessed a perfect pitch
Raak - I'd hum so sweetly at your touch
Software - You sexy, dirty bitch. ... mine's on the penultimate peg ...
penelope - Is this the last of Glow-worm rhymes?
Botherer - Or will there be yet more?
Rosie - If so, let our poetic crimes
Juxtapose - Offend the Cres' no Mor
Software - I wish I were the last Glow-wormer
penelope - Or do I wish I was?
irach - All good things must end, I fear
Chalky - And why? Well - just because
Chalky - The time for limericks has come
This sojourn has been pleasant
So fare thee well our glowing worms
I'll just say Mornington Crescent - even though it doesn't scan
Chalky - hmmm - perhaps it's a sign that we must carry on :-)
Kim -
While waiting for a signal
Software - From Humph-er -ry the great
Tuj - I partook of some escallops
Darren - Which normally I hate
Irouléguy - I bought my niece a rabbit
Tuj - She poked it with a stick
Juxtapose - The bunny jumped to grab it
Darren - And then my niece was sick
Phil - I wish I only had one pub
penelope - And opened nine-to-five
Raak - I'd close for lunch twixt twelve and two
Rosie - Being most conservative. G & S invoked.
Kim - I wish I were a minstrel
Software - Then I would stroll and sing
Rosie - Alas, most would ignore me
Tuj - But for me the art's the thing.
Software - I wish I were an android
Raak - All gleaming chrome and steel
Darren - But I would need an oil can
Rosie - Or else I'd clank and squeal.
irach - My pea and honey recipes
Irouléguy - Contain no MSG
Tuj - They're simply peas and honey
JLE - That's good enough for me!
Kim - I wish I were immortal
Darren - So I could never die
Rosie - I'd never be in history books
Software - But noone would wonder why
Kim - I wish that I were Peter Noone
Of Herman's Hermits fame
Software - I'd sing lots of cheesy songs
Darren - And mispronounce my name
Rosie - I wish I were a document
Raak - Ornately sealed with wax
Software - But being waxed will cause a prob;
Kim - I'll melt inside the fax
Irouléguy - Magritte, Matisse and Monet
irach - Stole young models away from Manet
penelope - *ahem* Limerick alert, young [Irach]. Allow me.
Magritte, Matisse and Monet
The impressionists from France
Stole young models away from Manet
And painted them in pants
Rosie - I wish I were an oil can (pen) Well done. Didn't know tha came from t'North, though. :-)
penelope - [Rosie] Aye. I still have northern vowels but can almost pass (not parse) myself off as a southerner these days, dontcha know :o)
To stop your squeaky bearing
Darren - For you are but a metal man
Softeware - It's just your Gay Pride earing
Maginot -
Raak - I wish I was a Popemobile
Software - Then all Pontifs I would carry
penelope - To part the crowds, like Dead Sea swells
Darren - And drive blokes who can't marry
irach - I wish I was a painter's brush
Rosie - Dipped in cobalt blue
Software - I'd apply a background wash
Chalky - With strokes full bold and true
Rosie - I wish I were a haystack
penelope - With needles all concealed
Software - So if lovers in me tumbled
Kim - They'd quickly be revealed.
Tuj - I wish I had no tonsils
Software - 'Cos right now they are sore
Rosie - They don't do any good, I'm told
irach - I don't need them anymore.
Kim - This useless old appendix
Chalky - Has reached its use-by date
irach - I think that I should trade it in
Darren - Before I am too late
Chalky - I'm tired of eating doughnuts
Tuj - They go straight to my waste
Rosie - Enhancing life's one pleasure
Tuj - Spelling klaxon sounds! Waist not waste, sorry all
Software - There's no account for taste
penelope - I'm tired of skinny dipping
Raak - It's given me a chill
Darren - And all that clothing ripping
irach - Hardly give the girls a thrill
Rosie - If I were a transistor (Tuj) No problem. I took it as an intentional pun, enabling me to be lavatorial, which is good.
Kim - Inside a radio
irach - I'd semiconduct day and night
Irouléguy - Forever on the go
irach - I wish I had an aubergine
Juxtapose - (Whatever that might be)
penelope - Made out of purple plasticene
Software - It's an egg fruit, don't you see.
irach - I wish that Ninja turtles
Darren - Were still the height of cool
Kim - With shouts of "Cowabunga!" [Software] I always thought an aubergine was a French B&B
Rosie - From kids going home from school. (Kim) It is, but ladies only.
Tuj - I wish I were a bowling ball
Software - Heavy, round and black
irach - I'd ram 'em puny bowling pins
Rosie - Momentum I don't lack. Or is it kinetic energy?
Software - I wish I were a firework
Darren - Bright-coloured in the dark
nights - I'd shoot up high into the sky
Irouléguy - And try to hit a lark
irach - I wish there was a galaxy
Rosie - Or, failing that, a Snickers
Darren - Which we once called a Marathon
Software - Both as ice cream now for lickers
Darren - I wish I were a puppet
irach - I'd come with strings attached
Software - Unless I were the muppet type
Irouléguy - With Piggy I'd be matched
Rosie - I wish I drove a big red bus
Juxtapose - A mighty double-decker
Software - I'd pass by every bus stop
penelope - To rile each waiting fecker
Rosie - I wish I had an ASBO Penelope, really, my dear.
Software - Then I would have street cred
Darren - I'd go up to a copper
Raak - And bash him on the head.
irach - I wish I was Madonna's bra
Rosie - A right tit though I'd feel Too easy
Software - I'd maximize her cleevage
Botherer - And her nipples I'd reveal
Rosie - I wish I could speak Polish
irach - To pronounce "Zbigniew" right
Software - And to also tell my plumber
Darren - To polish my pipes bright
Chalky - I vow to thee my country
Software - (Whichever that may be)
Irouléguy - To always pay my taxes
Rosie - And show you my ID.
Chalky - I'd like to keep this game alive
Rosie - I find it rather sweet
Software - So here's another little line
irach - To accomplish this feat
Kim - What am I?
I live inside a drainpipe
Raak - I'm slimy, cold and green
Software - Some people, though, will kiss me
irach - Turned King I'll make them Queen
Knobbly - The answer to your riddle
Rosie - Would make a tasty sarnie
Software - Lightly fried with garlic
Darren - And eaten by Reg Varney
Rosie - I wish I were a trucker
Irouléguy - Speeding down to Dover
Software - I'd wave two fingers at the cops
Darren - And they would pull me over
Tuj - I wish I were a little mouse
Rosie - I'd frighten dear old ladies
penelope - I'd chase them breathless round the house
Kim - In my MatchboxTM Mercedes [Rosie] Tough rhyme
Tuj - I wish I had my own front teeth [Kim] Elegantly finished
Chalky - These dentures are the pits
Software - But implants cost a fortune and don't I know it :o(
irach - As do implants of tits....coat?
Kim - I wish I were a sorcerer
Rosie - Possessed of magic arts
Software - I'd cast a spell on Tony Blair
irach - To make him produce farts...coat!!!!... and hat this time around
Rosie - I wish I were aattery
Rosie - BUGGER!
Rosie - I wish I were a battery
Darren - With nine volts and square shape
irach - Much better than those triple As
Software - A better shape to tape Bugger of a rhyme to make any kind of sense, Darren
Juxtapose - I wish a were an artety
Juxtapose - see Rosie's previous response to typo--
Juxtapose - I wish I were an artery
Raak - Blown up like a balloon
irach - I'd star in my own angiogram
Rosie - Excision none too soon.
penelope - I LOVE the Aneurysm one... more surgical glow worms coming up...
I wish I was a hernia
Raak - That's strangulated tight (BTW, has anyone else recently had a form letter from their doctor suggeting an ultrasound scan to detect abdominal aortic aneurysms? Seems to be in fashion right now.)
irach - I'd then be tucked in cosy truss
Rosie - To let through all the shite. Taxi for Mr Ewjis.
Kim - I wish I were a scalpel
Software - In a plastic surgery suite
irach - I'd always be a cut above
penelope - To keep the scarring neat
I wish I was a suture
Raak - That stitched your lips together
Software - For labial beauty is my aim
Rosie - Alas, they're made of leather. . . . no comment . . .
Juxtapose - I wish I had insurance
penelope - Should ever things go wrong [Rosie] Fairly horrific typo in there - Labiaplastysugeon.com... sugeon???
Raak - For I have no endurance
Rosie - Can't plug this leak for long. (pen) Mm, all a bit fishy. Like a stugeon. Er, sorry about that.
Tuj - I wish I were a sturgeon
Rosie - My innards worth a mint
Software - But why do people want to eat
Irouléguy - Fish eggs, and then be skint?
Rosie - I wish I were a tube of glue (Irg) Good question. ("Waiter, this jam tastes fishy").
Software - Many things, then, I could stick
irach - I really think I'm stuck on you
Darren - But your smell makes me sick
Kim - A universal solvent
irach - Better than aqua regia
Rosie - Would help me clean my teeth each night
Software - A dangerous procedure
Kim - This brain transplant is tricky
irach - I've misplaced the cranial nerve
Rosie - Someone got a sold'ring iron?
penelope - Will three-amp fusewire serve?
Rosie - I wish I were a member (Softers), penultimate one - V good
Software - Of some exclusive club :o)
Kim - I'd show up at the AGM
Raak - And shout "Let's go downt' pub!"
irach - i wish I were a dentist's drill
Rosie - Causing untold pain
Raak - I wriggle in amongst the nerves
CdM - I suggest you don't complain
Software - i wish I were a newscaster
Rosie - With perfect teeth and diction
Darren - And on my head would be a wig
penelope - My quiff, a work of fiction
Rosie - I'm glad that I did Latin
irach - Now I've got quid pro quo
Software - Meliora cogito
Chalky - though, is not a phrase I know
Chalky - If language is your raison d'être
irach - Your reasoning's sehr gut
Rosie - And are without a doubt le maître
Raak - So you deserve a w00t!
Software - This looks like a fait accompli
irach - Let's go get a burra peg
Rosie - This verse has gone all rumply
Tuj - Let's have some scrambled egg.
Kim (interrupting) -
I wish I were a newscaster
I'd be so rich and proud
Of getting paid great wads
For what schools call "Reading Aloud".

...and now, back to our usual program...

Rosie - I wish I were iconic
Software - As on a PC screen
irach - I'd be clicked on all day long
penelope - Hmm... now I'm not so keen next!
Kim - I'm glad I'm not a Russian doll
Rosie - Because my name is Doris
irach - I'd hate to be called "Svetlana"
Software - But my former name was Boris coat ...
penelope - In butter bean and bacon soup
Kim - We hear alliteration
Software - But with plain old oxtail
Rosie - Just straight concatenation.
irach - I wish I was an Arctic tern
Irouléguy - Flying through the blizzards
Software - I'd dive for fish in stormy seas
Rosie - And gobble up their gizzards. Oblig. But do fish have gizzards?
irach - I wish the dreary London fog [Rosie] The mud shad is a fish with a gizzard, but is unlikely to be found in stormy seas.
Raak - Would clear for just a minute
Rosie - For I am lost; this look like Penge
Darren - Or something like that, innit?
Rosie - I wish I were camel
Puckoon - Instead I've got the hump
Darren - In fact I've got a pair of them
Projoy - (But one may be a mump)
The days are passing slowly
Raak - Yet the years go by so fleet
Andy - Why don't you take a running jump
Rosie - re previous line: - Delete.
irach - The days are getting longer
Projoy - The annual nadir
Raak - Has passed, and we look forward to
Rosie - Seeing your mum, m'dear.
Irouléguy - The year is almost over
Software - But another one is due
Raak - For this one I will do my best
Kim - As more I cannot do.
irach - The new year is upon us
Software - We'll have a resolution glut
Rosie - But, alas, in one month's time
Botherer - We'll all be back on website smut
Rosie - I wish I were a bailiff
Software - I'd crash right through your door
Kim - I'd distrain all your Christmas gifts
Raak - And press demands for more.
Tuj - I wish I were a chimney-sweep
Rosie - Inserting my long brush
Software - I'd clean your flue so very clean
penelope - And even cure your thrush Hat and coat oblig. at this time of year, innit?
Rosie - I wish I were a steering wheel
irach - I'd turn things all around
Software - 'Cos I am a control freak
Sir Joseph Bazalgette - and my limits have no bounds sorry
Juxtapose - I wish I were a plural
Raak - And not so singulAR
Rosie - We'd be on every mural
Software - And then become a star
Kim - If I were not a "housemate"
Raak - In the Big Brother House
Software - I'd be an exhibitionist
Darren - And show my pubic louse
Rosie - I'm glad I'm not a penguin
Software - Living on the ice
irach - I'd rather be a spotted owl
penelope - And live on spotted mice
Software - I wish I were John Major Heaven knows why...
irach - And not be Tony Blair
Darren - I'd wear a fairly bland grey suit
Rosie - Oh yes, that's what I'd wear. (Do the voice)
Kim - I wish I'd been more careful
penelope - When I cut down this tree
Software - Because, you see, the stupid thing
Rosie - Smashed my conservat'ry. I love the sound of breaking glass.
Tuj - I wish I were a dancer
Kim - Of ballet, jazz or tap
Rosie - But first I'd need to lose some weight
Zarbenia - So I won't look like crap
. -
penelope - The supermarket singles night
Raak - Is when I do my shopping
Rosie - I dress up in my finery (Zarbenia) Be bold - Try this, courtesy of of the Univ. of Pittsburgh.
Software - And down the aisles I'm bopping
Kim - I'm really very sorry
Raak - As sorry as can be
Phil - I really should've stopped to think
Rosie - But I was drunk, you see.
Kim - When I was just a nipper
Software - Very many years ago
Rosie - I kissed a girl called Pippa
penelope - How could I stoop so low?
Kim - "...and therefore, in conclusion,"
Software - My lecturer would say
Raak - "The theorem is obvious"
irach - If Euclid has his way
Kim - I'm getting used to living
Software - Well above my means
Darren - Therefore I am wearing
Rosie - My pin-stripes, not my jeans.
Irouléguy - Tonight I'll have a curry
Darren - Perhaps with bits of lamb
irach - I think a spicy vindaloo
Software - Will make a change from Spam®
Rosie - I wish I were a meteor
Raak - That burnt up in the sky
CdM - I'd startle and be wished upon
irach - Then fall to earth and die
Kim - I wish I were a mothball
irach - That reeked of naphthalene
Rosie - My sheer aromaticity
Software - Would keep your wardrobe clean
irach - I wish I didn't have to wish
Software - Or make any decision
Rosie - But the genie says I must
Raak - And do it with precision.
I Say, Porter! - I taught I taw a puddy tat
Rosie - A tweeping up on me This can be sung to the hymn-tune Diadem.
irach - I looked again and taw it was
Irouléguy - A puddy tat indee...
Rosie - My cat is called Sylvester
Juxtapose - My dog is dubbed Stallone
irach - My hamster is named Rocky
Software - Now please leave me alone
Kim - Beware of men with pitchforks
irach - Who stalk princes with big ears
Darren - In Gloucestershire they breed them
Software - Quite thick, or so one hears
Kim - I wish I were a metaphor
irach - Not just a simile
Rosie - I'd be on ev'rybody's lips
I Say, Porter! - Somewhat like Jade Goody
Software - I wish I were a fixer
Rosie - Always in demand
Kim - I'd never charge high prices
Irouléguy - < cockney>"To you, darlin, a pahnd" </ cockney>
Rosie - I wish I were a Geordie (Irg) Not a Lonodoner, then?
Software - Then I'd say "Whey aye, man"
Raak - I've no idea what it means
Uncle Korky - But at least I've made it scan!
Kim - I wish I were a Brummie
Rosie - Lugubrious but shrewd
Software - Up here I'm in my oil tot
Darren - Because I'm in the nude
Darren - (yes, that was a non sequitur, but still...)
Software - I wish I were a Scouser
I Say, Porter! - Resenting my victim status - © B. Johnson 2004
Darren - I'd pick a lot of fights
irach - With 'em Mancunians that hate us.
Chalky - I wish I had two pennies
Rosie - For to rub together
Raak - I'd spend them both on bennies
Software - And disregard the weather
Kim - I wish (to be quite honest)
Raak - That you would go away
Rosie - My patience, it is limited
Darren - My nerves do tend to fray
blamelewis - I wish I were poetic, like
Rosie - But my speech is yoofy
Software - I guess I'll stick wiv street talk
irach - So as to sound less goofy
irach -
Kim - I wish I were a student
Raak - I'd sleep the whole day long
penelope - It helps me to be prudent
Rosie - And grow up big and strong. There's sensible, isn't it?
Kim - I'm glad I'm not a mothball
irach - That fumigates poor bugs
penelope - I'd whiff a bit, of naphthalene
Irouléguy - And mask the smell of drugs ...speaking of students
Rosie - I wish I had sagacity (pen) Could be worse. :-)
Software - Then Jade Goody I would choose
I Say, Porter! - I may not be as fat as she
penelope - But I could wear her shoes
I Say, Porter! - I think I'll bog off early
Tuj - I must avoid the rush lovely student stereotyping guys
Kim - Be home in time for Neighbours
Rosie - Viewed with reverent hush.
Irouléguy - Today I'll have a lie-in Tuj] We're just jealous...
nights - A lovely duvet day
Rosie - I'll get up when I want to
Software - Meanwhile I'll hit the hay
Kim - I once saw a spoof e-mail from "Management" that included the following: "Every employee shall be entitled to 104 Duvet Days every year. 52 are called 'Saturday' and the other 52 are called 'Sunday'." Well, it amused me.
I wish I had some old rope
I Say, Porter! - Attached to some foul-smelling soap
Software - Just rotting in my shower
Rosie - The stench doth overpower. This is not meant to be limerick, boys and girls.
Tuj - I wish I knew my rhyme schemes [Irouléguy] Real life is much the different
Rosie - My metres and my feet
Raak - My triolets and sonnets
Software - That'll keep my scansion neat
I Say, Porter! - Arse! I suck at this, sorry guys and gals.
Irouléguy - It's fine - just needs a line break

I Say, Porter! - Arse! I suck at this
sorry guys and gals
Irouléguy - I need a little practice Tuj] As it was in my day ;)
Kim - And help from all my pals
Rosie - I wish I were a hailstone (ISP) Noble contrition, finely expressed. :-)
I Say, Porter! - A-falling from the sky will this do?
Software - I'd try to land on some poor sod
Uncle Korky - And catch 'em in the eye
Kim - I'll no more go a-rovin'
irach - 'Cept for my rovin' eye
Software - Just mentally undressing
Rosie - Those on whom I spy. (ISP) Faultless :-)
Allow me -
Allow me - Though technically faultless
Software - There's moral issues to pursue deep and meaningful, this
Raak - It has to have the spirit
penelope - And needs a dab of glue
Raak - This Lenten entertainment
Rosie - Which I will not give up
irach - Involves champagne and a juicy steak
Software - And lots of beer to sup
Juxtapose - I wish that it was Easter
Phil - With chocolate eggs all round
Rosie - (Ellipsoidal, actually)
Software - Let pedantry abound
Raak - I wish I were a teledu
Darren - Making nasty smells
Software - I'd enter small closed spaces
Rosie - And stink out Tunbridge Wells.
Kim - I wish that I could teleport
irach - Like the people on Star Trek
Software - I'd port to Angelina Jolie's bed
penelope - And shout out 'Flippin' Eck!' Bad line, Softers. What's that fat-lipped looney got to do with anything on here? Maybe she's one of your fantasies, but she isn't mine!
irach - I wish that Angie's luscious lips
Graham III - Were planted on my cheek
Software - Or perhaps in other places
Rosie - That make my legs go weak.
Irouléguy - I wish I'd eaten rather less
Rosie - Of Auntie's rhubarb crumble
Kim - It sits inside me like a stone
irach - I can hear my innards rumble
penelope - Would you book me an interview?
Raak - My current job is boring
Tuj - I sit among the grey-faced throng
Rosie - But long to break my mooring.
penelope - [R,T,R] Oooh... touching. I actually *do* have an interview on Friday...
I wish that I had chicken soup
Kim - Instead of orange squash
Rosie - But then this straw would be no good (pen) Go for it.
irach - Unless it's cold chicken Borscht
Irouléguy - We hope you pass the interview
Rosie - And make a great impression
I Say, Porter! - You should avoid your Clement Freud
penelope - It gives us all depression
Tuj - If I had 14 fingers
Kim - (More than I really need)
Rosie - I'd be a great guitarist
irach - A dexterous one indeed
I Say, Porter! - If I were in the cabinet
irach - Blair's, or a wardrobe too
Darren - I'd surely be kept in the dark
penelope - And like mushrooms, fed on poo [irach] a bit of shoehorn required to make that line fit and make sense there, donchoo think? Otherwise, onwards and upwards chaps. Keep together. A-one, A-two, A-one-two-three-four
I wish I was a petrol gauge
Raak - That told misleading tales
Darren - Like five instead of fifteen quid
Rosie - A way of boosting sales. By volume, anyway. Two sorts of petrol gauge here.
Software - I wish that pen will tell us
Tuj - A story that is true
nights - That's nothing like her normal brand
Rosie - I'd duck if I were you.
penelope - I laughed...
I wish I was a Liar
Raak - And my nose was five yards long
Rosie - I'd poke it up Lord Archer's bum
Software - 'Cos he says it doesn't pong But we all know about him, don't we boys and girls?
Tuj - I wish I had a wishing well
Software - I'd drop coins in it an hope
Software - Hrmph!
Tuj - I wish I had a wishing well
Software - I'd drop coins in it and hope
Kim - And if my wish did not come true
irach - I'd throw tantrums and mope
Tuj - I wish I wasn't here right now
Irouléguy - I'd rather be in Derry
Irach - And I wish I wasn't Tom the cat
Software - 'Cos he's from County Kerry
irach - I wish I was a barnacle
Darren - Adhering to the bottom
Raak - And when they came to scrape me off
Rosie - I'd shout and scream, God rot 'em.
Kim - I wish I were an ocelot
Chalky - I'd slink around my prey - [Am loving the last two - kudos all round]
Rosie - I'd sleep in trees - I'd doss a lot Wossa kudo? Is it like a podume?
Software - That's how I'd pass my day
I Say, Porter! - I wish I were a kinkajou
Tuj - Dweeling in the trees [Rosie] Japanese ideal based on the inherent idea of podumes without the physical objects themselves
Chalky - My dweel would scatter down to earth
irach - And make capybaras sneeze
Tuj - Oh, dweel
Raak - While dweeling round the whipple tree
Rosie - Parailing all I'd wotten (Tuj) Ah!
Kim - I groiled a nupthuck's pack o' three
Chalky - Which craulked me something rotten :-(
Tuj - [R, R, K, C] I'm reminded of Kandra Woods, a game of Jabberwockian verse I've only encountered as part of the currently dormant* Furcation Game but a full version of which took place at MCiOS (also currently dormant**). Doesn't meant I shouldn't have checked my spelling though :P

* a bit hopeful: approaching 1000 days since the last move!
** hopefully dormant on a far, far lesser magnitude
Kim - Shall we continue in the same vein for a while?
I wish I were an actroblub
I Say, Porter! - Or knew just what one was
Chalky - [IS,P] Hmmph .. don't wanna play, eh? NOW what do I do? Carry on regardless Jabber-stylee [as Kim suggested] or attempt to follow your lead? Friday mornings are simply not designed for such decisions :-)
I Say, Porter! - [Chalks] I'd argue that this one could be continued with an attempt to define an actroblub in the Jabba style.
Chalkers - [Ispers] Good argument :-)
I wish I were an actroblub
Or knew just what one was
My quoil stope seems to fit the bill
Projoy - I'm absolutely pos.
The quirly bims of Ishtaru
Raak - Upon the city wall
Rosie - Their ush-hahas all vixy blue (ISP) There y' are - it's a quoil stope. Say no more. But for the "t" it could be the kids next door - Extreme Crying.
penelope - I'd love to paint them all [Chalks] Ispers? Lovely!
Kim - Of all the strogs in London
Rosie - And Witney Scrotum too © Peter Tinniswood, I have to admit.
I Say, Porter! - The Glob, of Hurley Pustulae
Projoy - looks most of all like you.
Chalky - The plimp-kneed zilk of Trescoreen
Rosie - Whom some may july april
Kim - Will never gretch the flommits of
Software - Gremlits naar the burbling rill
Kim - 'Tis time, methinks, to discourse
Irouléguy - 'pon brassicas and Georges
Software - Legumes and tubers
Software - Pah! wrong scan

Kim - 'Tis time, methinks, to discourse
Irouléguy - 'pon brassicas and Georges
Software - Let's consider legumes too

Graham III - and sounds of Victor Borge's
*sssssssswish pop*
penelope - I like the old tradition
Raak - Of rhyme that scans with sense
nights - As for all this modern stuff,
Rosie - 'Twill be banished hence.
Software - I wish I were clairvoyant
Tuj - For I'd like to foresee
penelope - Which witches might be buoyant
Raak - And which we'd drown with glee.
Tuj - I wish I were a hampster
irach - Or a furry hamster too
Projoy - Or a furry, furry hamster
Software - And hampster coloured too
Tuj - I wish I wore a witch's watch
Rosie - Upon my gnarlèd wrist
Projoy - My timings I would never botch
penelope - Appointments never missed
Tuj - I wish I had a second head
Rosie - So no need of forked tongue
Juxtapose - As such, I've just a second hand
Darren - And also a third lung
Rosie - I wish I were a sewer pipe
Software - A-shifting Mersey trout
Raak - My belches, feculently ripe,
irach - Would noxious vapours spout
Tuj - I wish I were a music box [R,S,R,i] Bizarrely delightful!
Rosie - So easy to wind up
Software - Thus people would oft take me
Chalky - For a playful singing pup. - sorry - I posted just to get rid of the darn thing. Not the easiest line to follow, Monsieur Softers, am wondering if you had a final line in mind when you posted?
I Say, Ruler! -
I Say, Porter! - I wish I weren't an England fan
Tuj - It's getting somewhat bland
Software - Whether soccer, cricket, rugby
Rosie - So best stick head in sand.
Tuj - I wish I were an Irish man
irach - I'd have the name O'Reilly
Irouléguy - And cheer the boys at Croker Park
Chalky - Because I'm really smiley :-)
Chalky - I want to have a raison d'étre
Software - But sadly can't speak French;
Kim - Instead, I'll eat this raisin bread
Rosie - Je mange, donc je suis wench.
Irach - I wish that I could sprachen Deutsch
Raak - And read Immanuel Kant
I Say, Porter! - Es wäre gut, and would bear fruit
Software - And like Hitler I would rant
I Say, Porter! - Я не говорю по-русски - that's 'ya nye gavaryou pa russkie' (I don't speak russian)
Software - And have never wanted to
Darren - Except when calling up a Huskie
Chalky - For a bit of how-de-do
Rosie - I wish I were an isobar
Software - Behind Susan Powell's back
gil - I'd pluck a string on my guitar
Darren - Then give her bum a whack
irach - I wish I were a bandicoot
Irouléguy - (a bonzer Aussie mammal)
Kim - I'd live inside a handy boot
Juxtapose - And coat it with enamel moving along...
Rosie - I wish I were a roundabout
Raak - In scenic Swindon Town
Software - I'd be adorned with traffic lights
Darren - And make the drivers frown
irach - I wish I'd find a dodo bird
Kim - And teach it how to fly
Chalky - Alas, such thoughts are quite absurd
Raak - Can't find one -- wonder why?
Software - I wish I were a traffic cop
Darren - I'd stand right in the road
Kim - Gesticulating wildly at
I Say, Porter! - Your girlfriend's outsize load
Rosie - I wish I were a toothbrush
Raak - And you were my false teeth
Software - I'd brush up against you gently
Irouléguy - In Morningside or Leith
Chalky - I have no need for silicone
penelope - I'm all up-front, you see
Raak - My hair and teeth are still my own
Software - And my feet I still can seeThere you go again, Chalks, making us boys all excited ;o)
Tuj - If I had a ham sandwich
irach - I'd throw away my Spam
Software - And with a ripe tomato
I Say, Porter! - Choke that bastard Sam-I-am. What an irritating sod.
Tuj - I wish I had some lemonade
Rosie - For I am truly parched
Software - I'd drink it mixed with English beer
penelope - To keep my top lip starched
Tuj - I wish I had some creme brulée
Kim - And here's the reason why;
Raak - I love to crack the skin on top
Software - It's crispier than pie
Tuj - I wish I had a napkin now
Chalky - Because I've spilt my milk - Tuj First Line Takeover eh?
irach - There's no use crying over it
Software - I am not of that ilk Limited opportunities there, Chalks
Running the line: -
Software - I wish I were a footballer Keeping Tuj at bay .....
Raak - Who scored a winning goal
Rosie - I'd slide ten yards upon my knees
I Say, Porter! - And then whip out my pole I'll get me coat.
Tuj - I wish I wasn't always first Just seems to keep happening...
Software - One could always miss a turn
Tuj - But MC5 is addictive
And I am slow to learn
There, can't be my go now.
Rosie - I wish I were a magistrate
Software - Then yobs I'd really hammer
Raak - I'd put them all in clink for eight
irach - In the Sing-Sing slammer
Tuj - I wish I were a biscuit tin *sigh*
penelope - And you a custard cream
Software - Within I would enclose you
gil - In my snack housing scheme.
Tuj - I wish I were a piece of cake
Software - I'm easy, will that do?
Rosie - But do take care, for I've got nuts
I Say, Porter! - And could taste salty, too best just to spit.
Tuj - I wish I were a sock puppet
I Say, Porter! - Like Sooty, Sweep, or Soo
irach - I'd sock it to 'em Muppets
Software - And Punch and Judy too
Kim - I wish I were a tuba
Software - Of highly polished brass
Rosie - Eighteen feet of convolution
I Say, Porter! - Designed to play 'Whispering Grass' Ladies & Gentlemen Mr. Don Estelle. Don't all leave at once.
Kim - I wish I were a raindrop
Rosie - Falling on your nose
Chalky - I'd make a splash and trickle
irach - Like dew upon a rose
Chalky - I wish today was Saturday
penelope - And that this month was June
Rosie - The year was nineteen fifty-two Get out of that, y' buggers. :-)
Phil - Tonight there's a half moon only if it's the 14th though
Tuj - I wish it were the fourteenth day
Kim - Of my two-week detox
Juxtapose - I'd celebrate the standard way:
Rosie - Oh, what a paradox!
irach - I wish I was a lemon rind
Darren - Fruity, empty, yellow
I Say, Porter! - Like Bognor on an April day
Rosie - Where old farts rant and bellow.
Phil - [i;D;IS,P!;R] Splendid
I wish I were a German car
Rosie - Assembled in Bavaria
irach - Mein engine would be wunderbar
penelope - Mein driver's seat is chairier.
Raak - Di-methyl-phenyl-benzoate
Raak - Oops...
Di-methyl-phenyl-benzoate
irach - Is a curious ester
Rosie - Its use is as yet inchoate Come on, Raak, what are the positions of the bloody methyl groups, 3,5 or 2,4? This recipe cannot be completed without this info.
Software - P'raps Raak is a jester
Chalky - I have a simple view on life
Phil - You're born, you live, you die.
Rosie - You may give rise to others
Software - Whereby some may wonder why
Chalky - If I were a mocking bird
Kim - I'd know just whom to mock
Software - They'd be mainly politicians
Irouléguy - I'd start with Mill and Locke
Rosie - I wish I were a drainpipe
irach - Quite narrow, dank and long
Software - Then proverbial rats up me would run
Kim - While I did sing this song:

Raak - Such joy to be a drainpipe!
Chalky - My rapture knows no bounds!
irach - I'm such a lovely conduit!
Rosie - No cloudburst me confounds! Is there a chorus?
Raak - [Rosie] I think that was it.
Raak - I reach from ground to rooftop high
Phil - From guttering to drains
Irouléguy - Around me winds wisteria
Chalky - Which drips down when it rains

Chorus: Such joy to be a drainpipe!
My rapture knows no bounds!
I'm such a lovely conduit!
No cloudburst me confounds!

I'm fond of my co-drainage chums
irach - Fine sewer grates and gutter
Kim - We hardly ever get clogged up
Software - With unwanted clutter
* -
Chorus:
Such joy to be a drainpipe!
My rapture knows no bounds!
I'm such a lovely conduit!
No cloudburst me confounds!
* -
Chalky - I've featured in a magazine
Raak - Been "Drainpipe Of The Year"
Darren - And after people drink a lot
Software - Into me they will pee(r)

Chorus:
Such joy to be a drainpipe!
My rapture knows no bounds!
I'm such a lovely conduit!
No cloudburst me confounds!

irach -
I love those sudden downpours
Irouléguy - My joy it overflows
Raak - I never leak a single drop
Rosie - Down to earth it goes.

Chorus:
Such joy to be a drainpipe!
My rapture knows no bounds!
I'm such a lovely conduit!
No cloudburst me confounds!

Software - But hailstorms do confound me
Tuj - They rattle down my spout
Rosie - They chip my lovely paintwork
irach - Then I don't smile, I pout
Chorus:
Such joy to be a drainpipe!
My rapture knows no bounds!
I'm such a lovely conduit!
No cloudburst me confounds!
I Say, Porter! - I may be getting rusty
Software - Inside but not without
Phil - For I've a coat of Hammerite
irach - Which gleams; there is no doubt

Chorus:
Such joy to be a drainpipe!
My rapture knows no bounds!
I'm such a lovely conduit!
No cloudburst me confounds!
Raak - When Autumn leaves are falling
Software - And over-gorge my spout
Kim - A man appears with rods and stuff
irach - To clear the debris out
Chorus:
Such joy to be a drainpipe!
My rapture knows no bounds!
I'm such a lovely conduit!
No cloudburst me confounds!
Rosie -
My little friend the gutter
Raak - Pours his fluids into me
Software - Which makes me quite excited
irach - As I gurgle in glee
Chorus:
Such joy to be a drainpipe!
My rapture knows no bounds!
I'm such a lovely conduit!
No cloudburst me confounds!
Irouléguy - My joints are tight and sturdy
Raak - My brackets are secure
Rosie - Truly I'm a fixture
Chalky - Proud and British to the core!

Chorus:
Such joy to be a drainpipe!
My rapture knows no bounds!
I'm such a lovely conduit!
No cloudburst me confounds!

Chalky - I've taken out a policy
Raak - Against retirement day
Rosie - For in the end I'll turn to rust
I Say, Porter! - And then be thrown away

Chorus:
Such joy to be a drainpipe!
My rapture knows no bounds!
I'm such a lovely conduit!
No cloudburst me confounds!
Raak -
I wish it weren't so very hot
irach - It really is quite steamy
Phil - I think a storm is brewing here
penelope - As I cook my sashimi
Tuj - I wish my feet weren't quite so wet
irach - They smell like old cheese drenched with sweat
Rosie - However, my socks
Phil - Smell of cream cheese and lox I'm presuming we're having a brief foray into the world of limericks today? :-)
I Say, Porter! - I've worn them two months, for a bet. [Phil] Double helpings of weirdness, after the cooking of sashimi - yuk!
Software - I wish I were a sunshade
Rosie - Shielding folks from glare
irach - I'd filter out those UV rays
Raak - So they would all stay fair.
Rosie - I wish I were a vulture
Software - I'd circle 'oer my prey
penelope - 'Cos carrion's my culture
I Say, Porter! - But Zebra's not kosher. Oy vey!
irach - I wish I were a leprechaun
Software - Or perhaps a little pisky
Raak - I'd play my pranks from dusk to dawn
Juxtapose - And then get smashed on whisky
Kim - I'm glad I'm not a postman
irach - Being bait for growling dogs
penelope - I'd need my running shoes on
Phil - Not these stupid ****ing clogs
Kim - I wish I were a bullfrog
penelope - A-croaking in the reeds
Rosie - I'd leap and scare old ladies
Software - They'd go weak around the knees
irach - I wish I was a frog, turned prince
Software - Once kissed by my true love
Kim - But, woe, a frog remain I, since
Rosie - She gave me the shove.
penelope - I wish I had some customers freelancing, eh? Who'd do it if they weren't desperate?
Software - I'll just go out and grab 'em [pen] been there, done that, its hard work but you can work your own hours and have long holidays, trouble is, holidays cost you money :o(
penelope - I'll delve into their wallets
Find fivers, and I'll nab 'em that's an horrendous rhyme you gave us, Softers!
Rosie - I wish I were a reference book
Kim - For field mycologists
irach - With coloured plates of nasty moulds
Software - And endless Latin lists
irach - I wish I were a tapeworm
Rosie - A good fifteen feet long
Software - I'd curl around inside your gut
Irouléguy - reciting Patience Strong
Irouléguy -
penelope - I wish I was a washing line sales of clothes pegs up 1400% over the past year, say ASDA. A result of wanting to 'go green', or of escalating fuel prices making it too expensive to run a tumble dryer? Personally, I have always pegged out...
Raak - Festooned with all your knickers
Rosie - My gentle parabolic form Don't tell me it's a catenary - it ain't.
irach - Admired by passing vicars
Rosie - I wish I were a thunderbolt (irach) Rather nice. (pen) Me too. But have you got wooden pegs?
Software - Then through your roof I'd crash My missus wants a tumble dryer because she believes that the towels would be *fluffier*. I say bollocks, and that they would be worn out quicker at great expense. Over my dead body, in fact.
Darren - I'd sent a jolt right through your head
I Say, Porter! - And turn your brains to ash.
penelope - I wish I was a dolly peg [Rosie] Some are. I think dolly pegs snag as you shove them on, so I prefer the spring-clip ones. I have some wooden, and some jaunty coloured plastic.
Software - On Blue Peter I would star [pen] I am old enough (and so too is Rosie ;o) ) to remember the gypsies knocking on one's door trying to sell them!
Rosie - They'd make me into something nice (pen) You don't mean these, do you? (Softers) Yes, I remember them, too. BTW on this machine your small font is almost unreadable but better in italics.
penelope - A Dolls House or a Car [Rosie] Hmm. No, I didn't, I meant the clothes peg dollypeg. If you google image 'dolly-peg, you get both kinds.
irach - I wish I was a polliwog
Software - Swimming in a pool of slime Actually, what Rosie drew is a 'dolly' for a dolly tub, not a dolly peg.
Rosie - Just like our dear Prime Minister (Softers) Some young girl nicked my monicker. No respect.
penelope - He does it all the time
Chalky - I have no need for artifice
Rosie - Toujours au naturel
Software - Quite basic and right down to earth
penelope - That sweaty stink of hell
Kim - Your house, in my opinion,
Raak - Is just a bit de trop
I Say, Porter! - The portcullis, moat and drawbridge
Software - Will simply have to go check French scansion
irach - I wish I did like esgargot
Raak - And did not boke at snails
Software - But those slimy little gastropods
Phil - Taste just like puppies' tails.
Kim - I'm rather fond of mange tout
penelope - But hate the smell of swede I don't actually. Love it. Arrrr.
Raak - All brassica is just divine
Botherer - But man, just taste this weed.

In honour of penelope's recent revelation that she may soon be seen in a Dutch cap-acity...
Botherer - What?
Software - I wish I were in Amsterdam Certainly has a deal of attraction from where I stand
Kim - From where the tulips come
irach - I'd try to speak in double Dutch
penelope - What is the word for 'bum'?
I Say, Porter! - [pen] Easily done online. Take your pick: achtereind, achterste, bips, gat, kont, staartstuk, zitvlak
irach - I wish I didn't have the gout
Rosie - It makes my tootsies hurt My cousin has had it. Riotous living, being a solicitor.
penelope - I might have swallowed too much stout
Software - Then try taking St John's Wort
Rosie - I wish I were a diction'ry
Software - Then I'd not be lost for words
Darren - But if I were a lavat'ry
Projoy - I get sat on by birds resorting to Cockerney argot to avoid obvious feedline
Projoy - s/I/I'd
gil -
I wish I had an iPod
Raak - For every time I've heard:
Software - Why Apple™ is so wonderful
Rosie - Despite not having Word.
Juxtapose - I wish I were a firework
Rosie - Waiting for ignition
Software - My stick stuck firmly in the ground
penelope - Will jeopardise my mission You put the stick in a tube stuck in the ground as it goes up with the body of the rocket, Softers. If you stick it in the ground, the rocket ain't going anywhere.
I Say, Porter! - [pen] firework isnt = rocket, indeed some fireworks require the sticking-in-the-ground simply because it's safer that way, but I see where you're coming from
Software - [pen]I thought it was a neat finish :o)

Software - I'm glad I'm not at Wimbledon

Rosie - Where wind and rain prevail
Raak - Much nicer to sit snug at home
I Say, Porter! - With a tankard full of ale
irach - I wish I was a centipede
Kim - With all my legs intact
Rosie - Of kneecaps I would have the ton
Irouléputtingitoutofitsmiseryguy - Or more, and that's a fact
penelope - I wish I was a grapefruit
Rosie - Juicy, big and round Now, now ....
irach - I'd squirt my juice onto your face
Software - Then watch you writhe around.
Rosie - I wish I were an acorn
Software - A-dangling in my cup
irach - I'd grow up to be a shady oak
Irouléguy - Beneath which drinkers sup
irach - I wish I were an Ouija board
Software - The naïve I would then trick
Kim - With messages from t'Other Side
Rosie - Like this one; "You're all thick!"
penelope - "The water's creeping up our road!"well, not mine, but a good friend from Oxford is coming here tonight as his road is being slowly inundated :o(
Rosie - Defying gravitee Bloody pedant.
Darren - When in reaches my abode
the other jim - I'll abandon ship and flee!
<hr> -
Rosie - I wish I were a cowpat
irach - Chock-full of biomass
Software - In the sun then I shall dry
penelope - to a discus, not morass
Software - I wish I were an asteroid
Rosie - Wand'ring round the sun
Knobbly - When I got bored of orbiting
irach - I'd crash a planet and be done
Rosie - I wish I were a crater
Software - Perhaps one on the moon
penelope - I'd keep cheese cool for later
Rosie - Rather, as one says, than soon. Cheese crater, cheese grater. I dunno.
penelope - I wish I were a lightbulb
Software - I would be so switched on
Rosie - But, unpredictably, I'd pop
Phil - (or flicker, if neon).
irach - I wish I was an inert gas
Software - So noble I would be
Rosie - I need no friends and make no bonds Explain XeF6, then, clever clogs.
enigma2060 - I'll float, as an anomaly
welcoming line - Welcome, enigma2060. Don't I know you?
Tuj - I wish I had an inkling
Software - But I think I've missed the point
Darren - I'm sure I once knew something
Rosie - My brain's gone; it's this joint.
irach - I wish my nose were shorter
Rosie - For people think I lie
Software - Or that I am prying
Juxtapose - When it pokes them in the eye.
Rosie - I wish I drove a big red bus
penelope - Along a big bus lane
Phil - I wouldn't stop for passengers
irach - I'd drive them all insane
penelope - I wish I was a frying pan
Rosie - Sizzling on the stove
irach - Your bacon would come out real crisp
penelope - A breakfast treasure trove
Rosie - I wish I were the Ace of Spades
CdM - The Leader of the Pack
Software - I would trump all other cards
penelope - Red's red, but Black is black.
irach - I wish I were a harem guard
Kim - My scimitar all curvy
Software - But the limit to my manhood
Rosie - Is sky-high 'cos I'm pervy.
Rosie - I wish I were Hungarian
Phil - A Magyar through and through
Software - I'd feed all day on goulash
irach - Rhapsodise on paprikash too
penelope - I wish I had a caravan Would save all this 'Moving House' lark
Rosie - The desert I would cross
irach - I'd own ten dromedaries
Raak - Of which I'd be the boss.
irach - I wish I were in Ngrongoro
Software - A safari I would take
Irouléguy - To see migrating wildebeest
Darren - (They take five hours to bake)
penelope - I wish I was a sofa bed
Phil - Of mighty width and girth
Software - I'd still be quite uncomfortable
Rosie - To someone giving birth.
penelope - I wish I was a colander It's a strain, it really is
Rosie - Round and full of holes
irach - I'd do my job hole-heartedly
Software - And drain myself in bowls
Juxtapose - I wish I was a clerihew
penelope - Fame and glamour as my theme
Raak - But peas and honey are my lot
Rosie - The rest is just a dream.
irach - Ii wish my lips were cherry-hued
Kim - And not just chewed and hairy
Rosie - I'd do things that are very rude
Software - To prove I'm not a fairy
Rosie - I wish I were a piano string
Darren - A-stretched out very taut
Phil - I'd resonate in harmony
Software - When e're I think I ought
Kim - I wish I were a sonnet
Raak - Five feet by fourteen long
penelope - I'd place my thoughts upon it
Software - Whether right or wrong
Kim - I wish I were a limerick
penelope - Instead of four-line verse
irach - My third and fourth lines would then rhyme
Rosie - And scan, and be quite terse.
Kim - I wish I were more handsome
Raak - To pick up lots of girls
Rosie - Their hearts I'd hold to ransom
Software - As they'd run fingers through my curls
Kim - I wish I were a Hero
Rosie - And pref'rably not dead
Software - 'Cos then I'd do heroic things
CdM - Instead, I stay in bed.
CdM - [CdM] Preview, idiot!
penelope - I wish that I had second sight wouldn't need preview then, would I?
Darren - As back-up for the first
Software - Such fortunate clairvoyance
Rosie - Makes one seem rehearsed.
CdM - I wish that I had stayed in bed
Software - For getting up today
Rosie - I strained my back and must sit down
Raak - O woe! Alack! Alay!
Juxtapose - I do my homework nightly
Rosie - Just to please my teacher
CdM - This essay is on Superman
Chalky - She likes a Sci-Fi creature
Chalky - I have no time for hypocrits
Rosie - For I am free of cant
Software - And I'm truly open minded
penelope - I am not prone to rant
Raak - My virtue is unparalleled
nights - Yet my life is full of woe
Chalky - It started when my ego swelled
Rosie - Through doorways it won't go.
Kim - As God once said to Moses,
Raak - Take these tablets twice a day
penelope - And then, as one supposes
CdM - His command meant letters prey.
Rosie - I wish I were a maggot
Raak - Impaled upon a hook
Software - I'd tempt voracious fishies
Chalky - With a come-and-get-me look
penelope - Heheh - last handful have been marvellous.
I have no use for peppermills
Raak - That grind exceeding small
CdM - I like my pepper crunchy
Software - Of no pep-per at all
Rosie - I used to be quite boozy (Chalky) The mind boggles
Darren - But now I'm on the wagon
Raak - Since then I got a floozy
Software - Now I'm sober, she's a dragon
Raak - My name is Doctor Pepper
Chalky - Academia's my domain
Kim - When students need a sugar-rush
Software - They slurp my liquid cane
Rosie - I wish I were a p'liceman
irach - Carrying a truncheon
Raak - I'd bash the suspects in the cells
Kim - And then slope off for luncheon
penelope - [R, i, R & K] Perfect.
I wish I was a coathook
Software - Inside a bathroom door
Kim - Upon which hangs your bathrobe
irach - While you're clad with nothing more
Kim - I wish I were a mulberry
irach - Hanging on a bush
Software - Succulent and tempting
penelope - Until I turn to mush
Raak - I wish I was a teapot
irach - Short and stout and hot
Rosie - A bit like Harry Secombe
Software - But then Welsh I'm not
irach - I wish I was a surly wench
penelope - And you a handsome knave
CdM - But you are just a burly mensch
Raak - 'Bout whom I cannot rave.
Tuj - I wish I were a racehorse
Raak - I'd gallop like the wind
Software - But after the five furlong post
Rosie - This wish I now rescind.
Chalky - I wish I had a beaten sword
Raak - My fields require the plough
Software - So I'll see the local blacksmith
irach - After I sell my sow
Rosie - I wish I were a plumber
Juxtapose - I'd plumb the ripest drains
Raak - My rods and hooks would rummage well
CdM - Who cares about the stains?
Tuj, Raak, Software, Rosie] Very nice.
Software - I wish I were a chimney sweep
irac - My face all smeared with soot
Rosie - I'd stick my big brush up your flue (CdM) Cheers, and a belated plaudit for your burly mensch. V good.
Phil - Full length - that's fifty foot!
irach - I wish I ware a stevedore
Botherer - A-working in the dock
penelope - A deckhand or a roustabout
Software - With one eye on the clock
Tuj - I wish I were a poet
Software - A job to which I'm not adverse
irach - My couplets I would craft with care
Rosie - My image I would nurse.
Tuj - I wish I had a mandolin
CdM - To play and pluck and strum
Software - I'd be just like Corelli
Raak - And play with just one thumb.
Tuj - I wish I had a blue mohawk
irach - And a beard dyed flaming red
Raak - With green-tinged skin and Vulcan ears
Software - I'd look like I was dead
Rosie - I wish I were a blowtorch
Software - Carried in a plumbers bag
irach - I'd be good at heated blow jobs....Coat!!!
Phil - But I'm really not a slag
Tuj - I wish I had elastic arms
Rosie - What mischief I could make
Software - I'd be just like Mr Tickle® Roger Hargreaves
penelope - Unless your giggle's fake
irah - I wish I were an apple pie
Raak - And you a pot of cream
Rosie - I'm all fibre, you mere fat
Software - But together we're serene
Tuj - I wish I were a joint of lamb
Software - Slowly roasting on a rack
Juxtapose - You'd drool just at the thought of me
penelope - And the cutlery attack
irach - I wish I were a polyglot
nights - Familiar with tongues
Rosie - I'd speak to all the world with ease
Software - In places quite far flung[s]
Raak - I wish I was a prophet
Kim - A soothsayer or seer
irach - I'd outdo Nostradamus
Rosie - And on TV appear. (Softers) I note with approval that the adjective "agrees" with the noun.:-)
penelope - I wish I was a fountain pen
Raak - Filled full of blackest ink
irach - Your shirt pocket I would stain with glee
Rosie - I then get binned, I think.
CdM - I wish I had three wishes
Rosie - And that, in all, makes four.
Raak - A wine-jug, loaf of bread, and thou
Software - Submissive on the floor coat!
Phil - I wish I were in Birmingham
Kim - A-visiting my mama
Rosie - Her name is Marlene, as you'd guess
penelope - And Daddy's name's Osama
CdM - I wish I had a wishing well
Projoy - For then I'd make a wish
irach - What it is I just can't tell
Rosie - Being indecisive(-ish).
Software - I wish I didn't have to wish
penelope - I'd like to trust to fate
Rosie - Whatever it may throw at me
CdM - Inshallah. God is great.
Rosie - I wish that it would pour with rain
Juxtapose - Instead of slowly drizzle
Software - My garden then would turn to mud
Kim - My bonfire quietly fizzle.
irach - I wish I was a rocking horse
Software - My sh*t would then be rare
Phil - The bookies would all hate me
Irouléguy - But I really wooden care
Rosie - I wish I were a dry-stone wall
Software - Spanning hill and dale
Chalky - Breaking wind from east and west -Loving your work chaps - specially on the last 6 :-)
Rosie - So best not to inhale. (Chalky) Really! An' I fought you was a lady. :-)
Phil - I wish I were a mandible
irach - Chomping down on chow
Rosie - I hope there are no bones in it
Software - If there is then I'll go "Ow!"
Kim - I wish I could articulate
irach - And n-n-not sp-speak with a st-stammer
Software - Then I'd say things with conviction
Rosie - Such as "Hazel Blears, God damn 'er."
Kim - If anyone had warned me
irach - That lard was bad to eat
Rosie - I wouldn't now weigh twenty stone
Software - And a heart that doesn't beat
Tuj - I wish I had an extra ear
penelope - So I could hear the sound
Phil - Of one hand clapping in the woods
Kim - In glorious Sensuround©
Raak - I had a little nut tree
Chalky - It bore a lot of stuff [unlike the one that bore 'nothing' - how mean-spirited was that?]
Software - Such as gold and silver baubles
penelope - But still, it's not enough gimme gimme
irach - I wish I was a lord-a-leaping
Raak - Over buxom wenches
Rosie - Alas, I fell on one of them
Phil - With t*ts like Judi Dench's (Sorry - it was the cleanest of 5 versions I came up with)
penelope - I wish I was a thespian
Raak - On sunny Thespos isle
Software - I'd sit and sip my ouzo
Chalky - - I'm resting. Luvvie-style
Chalky - I uttered a profanity
Rosie - It rang throughout the room (Phil) She is magnificent, but alas no chicken.
penelope - My faux pas, a calamity
Irouléguy - Will haunt me to the tomb
Quendalon - "Mum's the word," the vicar said,
irac - "My wife must never know"
Rosie - "That I'm a closet atheist"
Software - But I just go with the flow
Software - I wish I were old Santa Claus
Phil - My life would be so jolly
Chalky - I'd spend my holly-days outdoors
penelope - A-drinking schnapps and bolly
Raak - My beard is long and fluffy
irach - And my belly's wobbly
Phil - I rather fancy Buffy
Rosie - But so does old Tom Cobleigh.
Juxtapose - I wish I were a present
Software - N'eer future, nay, nor past
Raak - The knife-edge moment that is life
CdM - Is over now. Oh blast.
Rosie - I wish I were a great big toad (CdM) Don't do it. We love you really.
Kim - All slimy, green and warty
irach - I'd feast on yummy damselflies
Chalky - And end up fat and forty
CdM - I wish I wish I wish I wish
Chalky - I wish I wish I wish
irach - I wish a wishy-washy fish
Phil - Would wish a fishy wish
penelope - I wish the rain would stop a while
Chalky - Then I could dry my hair - [irach, Phil] LOVE the wishy one :-)
Raak - A scarecrow's life is not much fun
Software - And of me no-one does care Ahhhhh!
CdM - I do not want for anything
Phil - I've everything I need
irach - A house, a car, a loving wife
Kim - And NO children to feed!
Software - I wish I were a Christmas elf Kim, that's absolutely right
Phil - I'd sabotage the prezzies
Raak - A hand grenade inside a sock
Rosie - Condoms for the lezzies. Not terribly witty, but there are precious few rhymes.
penelope - I make recycled paper [Rosie] Made me larf :o)
Raak - From things my cat brings me
irach - My favourites are fur balls
Rosie - For solvent, use its wee. Ever the chemist, alas. (pen) That's no bad thing this time of year, though I thought you laffed rather than larfed. :-)
irach - I wish I had some acetone
Software - Nail varnish to remove
Rosie - Well, oxidise some propylene (irach) You were warned. :-)
irach - Through a palladium groove
Software - I had imagined a different outcome for the above:

I wish I had some acetone
Nail varnish to remove
'Cos I dress in women's clothes
My wife does not approve

Now moving switfly on ...

I wish I were in pantomime

irach - I'd play Whittington's cat
Simons Mith - With big black ears and boots and tail
Red Wolf - And I'd hiss, and fiss, and spat.
Tuj - I wish I were a cracker
irach - Lit on Guy Fawkes Day
Software - I'd jump and bang and generally
Red Wolf - Make an nuisance until May.
Rosie - I wish I were a snowflake
irach - Perfection in my shape
Juxtapose - I'd have no twin in all the world
penelope - No sibling I could ape
Red Wolf - I know a lad named Calculus
irach - Who knows how to integrate
Raak - His twin does cube roots in his head
Software - That's how they differ-en-tiate
Juxtapose - I have a suit of armor
Rosie - It clanks like Puffing Billy
Red Wolf - Made of chain and plate and scraps,
Raak - Don't dare tell me it's silly!
I have a great big knobbly mace
Kim - That lives under my pillow
Rosie - I have it near me just in case
irach - Should my bedroom monster bellow
Software - I wish I were invisible
Simons Mith - - A power I'd use for good
penelope - But efforts have been risible
Red Wolf - I just can't drain myself of blood.
Rosie - I wish I were knurlèd knob (RW) You from t'north?
penelope - Knobkierie or Shillelagh
Red Wolf - I like to crush [Rosie]: Nope, I'm an American with a sense of poetic license. Even Shakespeare didn't always "rhyme" in the normals way.
Red Wolf - the heads should be added. I'm sorry, I was in limerick mode...
Chalky - Of those who mess with B Disraeli
yeah ... right, a bit crap, but it seemed a reasonable RHYMING option.:-)
Chalky - I wish I had a dozen eggs
Rosie - To chuck at Griff Rhys-Jones (RW) I know you're American - I was being sarcastic, because I'm a nasty old bugger. ;-)
Red Wolf - And I'll have to use a dozen eggs [RW]No worries, love. ;) (Just to add to the confusion...)
Software - To throw at them wot moans
penelope - I've eaten forty-one mince pies
Software - My tummy don't feel well Just had one myself ;o)
Kim - I'll only have a couple more
irach - So then I'll feel like hell
Rosie - I am the forty-fourth mince pie
jim - Why have I been neglected?
irach - Is it because old Sweeney Todd
Red Wolf - And the filler he collected.
There is a place in Missouri Let's see if y'all can follow the mispronounciation on that... Not that it has to be rhymed.
Simons Mith - That's famed in rhyme and song
Rosie - So thanks be to W C Handy . . . the bog's just round the corner . . .
Chalky - We're bound to get it wrong
Chalky - I wish I'd been to Cambridge
Phil - But I was just too thick
irach - So I got stuck at Oxford
Red Wolf - And have no sense of poetry now. Yes, for those of you who don't know, that was intentional.
Rosie - I wish I were a tiddlywink (Red Wolf) You're forgiven - this time. (Chalky) WC Handy wrote St Louis Blues, one of my favourites, but his name still makes me giggle a bit.
Bigsmith - All round and red and shiny
Darren - Instead I am a poker chip
Juxtapose - And doomed to igno-miny
Red Wolf - I wish I had an Oscar Mayer
irach - And not this Nathan's wiener
penelope - Since I'm a grumpy old tax payer
Red Wolf - And Nathan's just makes me meaner...
penelope - I wish I was a baker
Rosie - I'd wear a baker's hat
Quendalon - And eat large sticks of butter
irach - I love imbibing globs of fat
Simons Mith - With crown and orb and sceptre
Chalky - My aim is for to please
Rosie - And few could be adepter that's a mains adepter, btw
Software - At avoiding all the sleaze
penelope - I wish I was a radio
Raak - That was tuned in to you
Rosie - You can twang my aerial
Phil - It sure beats Radio 2
Simons Mith - If you get poor reception
Red Wolf - Try stroking your aerial
Software - It will certainly mess up the scan
Rosie - And if combined with poor insulation could lead to your premature burial.
Rosie - I wish I were a bar of soap
penelope - Almost a glowing clerihew, that last one. Or perhaps a cleriworm
Fragrant Camay, Pears, or Fairy
Software - My bubbles would caress your skin
Red Wolf - And scents send your head airy.
Simons Mith - I'm in an awful lather here
Kim - I just can't choose between
Software - The liquid or the solid soap
Raak - Which will best keep me clean?
penelope - I've heard the tales of cooking woes
Chalky - I've empathised and wept
irach - For oysters, like famed Carpenter
Software - In month's not 'r' except
nights - I'm going to the corner shop
Raak - I may be quite a while
irach - The lady at the counter's cute
Software - I'll try my rakish smile
Kim - I wish I were an oyster
Chalky - An aphro-dis-i-ac
Rosie - I'd make folks feel quite fruity
penelope - So they'd end up in the sack
Juxtapose - My college class has started
Simons Mith - And I am running late
nights - I have no time to eat my lunch
Software - And no time to masturbate coat!
Rosie - I wish I were an actor (Softers) 15-yr-olds do it in class (so I'm told)
Ella - I'd strut upon the stage
Raak - There'd be no dry eye in the house
irach - My "Macbeth" would be the rage
Software - I wish I were a guru
Rosie - My every word you'd heed
Raak - I'd tell you to strip naked
irach - To do a Kama Sutra deed
Simons Mith - To partake of my wisdom
Raak - You must wear this party hat
Rosie - Your brain will function better
Software - Although you'll look a prat oblig, probably
Raak - I am a perfect Bayesian
irach - I am coordinated
Phil - And all those silly Frequentists
Software - Can say what they like
Simons Mith - When Ike and Tina Turner
penelope - River deep-ed and mountain high-ed
Irouléguy - They left a good job in the city
Software - But then ol' Ikey died
Nutbush City Limits -
Ella - I'd climb the highest mountain
Simons Mith - And forge the wettest stream
Rosie - Just to get away from you (SM) Did you mean ford?
Software - You're a nightmare not a dream
Simons Mith - O poets red in tooth and claw [Rosie] Yes, I was thinking of 'Climb Every Rainbow'
Rosie - Have no truck with sonnets (SM) Ah! The steep bit near the ground is the worst, always.
Juxtapose - It's best to use a car instead
Phil - And etch your verse on bonnets [Software] "Can say what they like"? (three poems ago) Am I missing something subtle?
Rosie - I wish I were a jam jar
irach - Packed with jellied berry filling
Red Wolf - Then I'd feel the rock star
Software - Who liked young girls quite willing [Phil] yes
Phil - I wish that I were clever
Raak - And won a Nobel prize
Software - I'd then become quite famous
Rosie - And get away with lies. . . . cynical old bugger . . .
Juxtapose - I wish I were a liar
Rosie - Alas, though, I lack guile
Ella - But what I miss in cunning
Chalky - I make up for with pure style
Simons Mith - I've only ever once been caught
Software - With my trousers down - J,R,E,C - nice :o)
Chalky - The trial was held at County Court
irach - With my boxer shorts stained brown
Rosie - I wish I were a magistrate
CdM - A-sending folks to hang
Software - I'd be acting ultra vires
Kim - But I just don't give a dang (y'all)
CdM - I wish I were immortal [Phil] I'm as confused as you are, btw.
Software - And immoral would help too
Phil - I'd sin for all eternity [CdM] Thank god, it's not just me :-)
Raak - The bill would ne'er come due.
irach - I wish I was a shuttlecock
Rosie - Winging back and forth
Software - My feathers start off perky
Chalky - Then end up pointing north [CdM, Phil] It's me as well :-)
Chalky - I wish such obfuscation - I've been waiting for ages to post that word
Raak - Would be more oft eschewed
penelope - For spurious complication
Rosie - Is moral turpitude. We are the New Puritans. Aaaaaghh!
CdM - [C,R,p,R] Excellent. I've said more than once that to be a good citizen in the morniverse, particularly in poetry games, you need to know when not to post. This morning I wrote the line "Well -- I just think it's rude" to finish that last glowworm, but upon previewing I thought, 'well, that's ok, but I bet someone else can do better'. So I deleted my line, and -- sure enough -- Rosie came along with one that was ten times better. Oh, and while I am it, applause also to S,P,R for the immor(t)al one.
Rosie - (CdM) Thanks for the compliment. Your point is very pertinent. If I can't think of a good one I try not to put anything up. Part of the reason, I have to admit, is that I don't want to put my name to some banality. People will think I'm going soft or have lost it. But really one has to ask oneself "Is this worthy of the Morniverse?" If not, say nowt. Your inspiration will return. This condition can be relaxed to end a poor one has been hanging about for a while.
CdM - I wish my knarfled sprugget-flink Yes, but you should have seen the lines I rejected.
Juxtapose - Was cruft with sparkly prill
Kim - With splinky dik-daks all around
Raak - Upon my window sill.
Rosie - I wish a were a geyser now, now . . .
Kim - And not a girly fountain
irach - I'd live in lovely Yellowstone
penelope - And squirt at Saddle Mountain
Simons Mith - When continents are drifting
irach - Pangaea's split apart
Raak - Gondwanaland's a-forming
HoHoKus - And India gets its start
Chalky - I wish I knew the answer
irach - I haven't got a clue
Phil - Don't understand the question
Rosie - Besides, I'm pissed. What's new?
Chalky - I've changed my online atavar
Simons Mith - The new one's so much cuter [ITYM "avatar" ;-)]
Raak - I like to watch her in the nude
Software - By hacking her computer
penelope - I wish I was a chocolate bar
CdM - Instead I'm just a flake
Software - But just like British chocolate I have an ending in mind, I wonder if others do?
Phil - I leave Hershey's in my wake [Soft] was that it?
Kim - I wish I were an ombudsman
irach - I would investigate
Rosie - Nefariousness in all its forms
Software - The piss I would not take [Phil] Not quite - "I'm just a bloody fake" was my idea.
blamelewis - i wish my work was finished
Raak - And I could go straight home
Software - But maybe I'd swing by the pub
Rosie - "I can't resist." (Georg Ohm)
Chalky - Banality in all its forms
Software - Is found on MC here
CdM - In fact it is one of our norms
Raak - No deep thoughts shall appear.
(A hymn to be sung to the tune of "All Things Bright and Beautiful".)
If any intellectual
Simons Mith - Attempts to prove us wrong
irach - She or he'll be pilloried
Rosie - In poetry and song. Fat chance
Simons Mith - A cross-eyed bear called Gladley
irach - Met a cock-eyed bear called Bill
Juxtapose - The pair devoured a wall-eyed pike
Rosie - Strabismus wins two-nil.
Software - I wish I were a dashing spy
irach - Dashing from Prague to Rome
Rosie - With pistol, gloves and killer shades
Chalky - And camera in my comb

Perhaps this deserves several verses ..

I'd have no need for mundane things
irach - I'd love my Austin Martin
Raak - Its blazing guns would clear the road
penelope - And leave the baddies smartin'
Chalky -

My basic needs would be supplied - usa
irach - (Women, wine, and poker chips)
penelope - My cool, suave charm would be applied
Raak - To Octopussy's swaying hips.
Software - Nasty villains I'd track down
Software - Mmmmm - try that with more space

Software - Nasty villains I'd track down

Raak - Blow up their secret hideaways
blamelewis - they'd stroke their cats to no avail
Tuj - Their henchmen turned to runaways. oish
Software -

On service to Her Majesty

Raak - My license is to kill
irach - With ricin or with bullets' aim
CdM - Either way it's brill.
Raak -
I'm on the SMERSH most-wanted list
Chalky - But do not care a jot
penelope - I'm women-and-martini-pissed
Software - My suave is all to pot

Juxtapose -
Most of all, I'm just so cool
irach - My machismo knows no bounds
CdM - But that's my dream. In real life
Software - I'm a milkman on my rounds Well, that was fun while it lasted :o)
Rosie - I wish I were a painter
Software - My house I'd decorate
irach - I'd paint it in pink candystripes
blamelewis - and sell it to the Tate
Candy Stripe -
CdM - I wish I were decisive. That spy series wasn't bad at all. A bit of polishing and it would be reminiscent of Milligan.
Raak - Or do I? I'm not sure
Rosie - But then, on the other hand
penelope - I like to dither more
blamelewis - I wish I could remember
Raak - Whatever I forgot
irach - But did I forget anything?
penelope - My memory says not
penelope - I wish I could stop dreaming
blamelewis - and rouse myself from sleep
Rosie - But the arms of Morpheus
irach - Are lovely, long and deep
blamelewis - Oi! You nicked my bicycle!
Rosie - How can I get home?
Software - The bus is gone I've got no dosh
Pam Ayres - So Oi'll polish off me pome
Software - I wish I were a test pilot
Raak - In stratospheric realms
irach - Mach IV would seem slow to me
Rosie - Until I hit those elms.
blamelewis - I wish my sinuses would drain [Rosie] marvellous finish!
Raak - Then I could hum fine tunes
Software - But sadly I just suffer Which I do, actually :o(
Rosie - Most Aprils, Mays and Junes. (blamelewis) Cheers. I was inspired by the thought of a mate who flies a Tiger Moth. Top speed 80 mph and it can just about clear the trees.
irach - I wish I was a tiger moth
blamelewis - I'd aim to clear the trees
penelope - With wooden prop and wings of cloth
Raak - Being careful not to sneeze.
irach - I wish I was a cauliflower
Raak - With fractal-like florets
Rosie - But please don't overcook me (Raak) Yeah, all right, :-)
Software - Else I'll get the sweats
Simons Mith - I swoop above the cabbage fields
irach - To look for Peter Rabbit
Raak - Airborne death falls from the sky
Rosie - The vultures dive and grab it.
penelope - I wish I was a Brussels sprout veg cascade!
Quendalon - Fresh-steamed and dipped in butter
irach - Best Brassica that ever was
Software - "I hate you!" children mutter
Rosie - I wish I were a curtain (Softers) About right. :-)
irach - Upon a Broadway stage
Software - I'd be raised revealing stars
Kim - From Vaudeville's golden age
Simons Mith - A second use for cabbages
Rosie - Which very few folks know
Raak - Is in machines of Babbage's
Quendalon - To smooth the data-flow.
Chalky - Excellent stuff. Bravo those people
Software - I wish I were a Pearly King Here Here!
Phil - A cockney through-and-through
Chalky - Robed in gaudy sequinned bling
irach - And act 'oity-toity too
Tuj - I wish I were a Weetabix
penelope - Or two - they're best in pairs
Rosie - But quick, I go all soggy
Software - If with liquid one prepares
irach - I wish I was a Metro train
Juxtapose - My headlights incandescent
Software - 'Neath the streets I would wind
Raak - In ecstasy transcendent.
Simons Mith - A duck is sleeping on the tracks
Irouléguy - Its head beneath its wing
Bigsmith - It doesn't hear the closing train
Software - Now it's dead, poor thing re last one: I would have thought someone would have spotted something like - "N'ere stopping at the 'Crescent" but there you go.
Allow me -
Kim - We're stopping at the "Crescent"
Raak - Let's all get out and look
penelope - This station looks quite pleasant
Rosie - Aye, fancy, in't it, chuck?
penelope - A smart and well-kept station
Phil - Is wond'rous to behold
Juxtapose - It fills me with elation
Raak - And makes me brave and bold.
Software - I wish I worked for TfL
Phil - They're full of japes and stunts
Raak - When storms blow leaves across the lines
Rosie - I think "Those useless people."
Tuj - I wish I didn't have thith lithp
Rosie - 'Cos really I'm dead hard
Software - I'll thmack the thod what takth the pith
blamelewis - Or callth me a wetard ...and fair enough...
blamelewis - I'd like to spend my life at sea
Simons Mith - A-seeking grog and plunder
Rosie - And have a girl in every port
penelope - Who's willing to go under Yeah, mine's hanging in the hall, thanks.
Software - I wish I'd been a Chippendale
Raak - In lycra posing thong
Rosie - However, I am but a weed
blamelewis - And won't reveal my dong
Software - I wish I were a checkout clerk
Kim - With barcode-reader thing
Phil - I'd wear my name-badge upside-down [Soft/Raak/Rosie/blame] Genuinely laughed out loud.
Rosie - Of Tesco I am King.
Simons Mith - Outside the supermarket
Raak - Beside the bottle bank
blamelewis - I'll take myself in hand right now
penelope - There's only me to thank aha!
Chalky - It doesn't take a lot to find - [pen] tee hee
Software - You've nothing in your purse [pen] :0)
Kim - So stick it on the credit card [pen] thank you
penelope - And let the debt get worse aka Patience Strong.. Would someone give me a break from moralising last lines please?!
Raak - I count my money every day
Rosie - It takes me all the morning
penelope - Whoever said that crime don't pay?
Software - They've not read the safety warning to put this one to bed
Tuj - I like to dress in orange garb
blamelewis - and paint my buttocks blue
Juxtapose - Then storm the pitch at Boundary Park
Rosie - And entertain the few.
Chalky - I smeared my shins with marmalade
Phil - Said Paddington one day.
blamelewis - Mr Gruber frowned and shook his head
Software - "Sticky little bears can't play." ...there.
penelope - I wish I could be somewhere else
Software - And even then, not there
Rosie - Where'er it is I seem to go
Raak - I'd rather be elsewhere.
Simons Mith - I've just come back from nowhere
Rosie - Or Redditch, as it's called
Software - Up there they talk quite funny
Tuj - As they think "called" rhymes with "carpet". Eh?
blamelewis - I wish I had a time machine
CdM - Like that I once had soon
Simons Mith - This time I'll read the user guide
Phil - No matter how jejune
Rosie - I wish I were a molecule (Phil) V good!
Kim - Of purest anthracite [Rosie] I used to have a chemistry teacher who pronounced it "mow-lay-queue-all",
Quendalon - I'd rule a landscape miniscule
irach - With my atoms all packed tight
nights - If I had much more money
Tuj - I'd buy myself some friends
Raak - I'd bask in sycophantic praise
Quendalon - In my Mercedes-Benz
Juxtapose - April makes me happy
Raak - September makes me sad
Phil - April is quite crappy [Rosie] Ta! [Quendalon] Minuscule is the correct, if widely unknown, spelling
Tuj - But September is rad! bipolar? [Phil] Even I've fallen for that one... classic Graeme Garden new definition for it though =)
irach - I wish I was the Taj Mahal
Software - All marble pure and white
Rosie - Best Asian grub in Colliers Wood
Quendalon - It hits the spot just right [Phil] You are correct! I'm so embarrassed. I feel small -- nay, minuscule. :-)
CdM - I wish to find Nirvana
blamelewis - Or any sort of grunge
Software - Maybe AC/DC
Raak - Or Napalm Black Death Gunge.
Chalky - I'm off to visit Shangri-La
Raak - And learn the secret truth
Rosie - Of jet lag, crap food, cancelled flights
Software - LHR T5 forsooth!
Tuj - I've been around the world again
Raak - But when I got back home
Phil - My bags were still in Cairo
penelope - My underwear in Rome
Rosie - I'm glad I'm not a terminal
penelope - With baggage all astray
Software - And I'm glad I'm not an airline
Kim - In terminal disarray
irach - I wish I was a marmoset
penelope - In marmalade or jam
Software - 'Cos I am a real sweet tooth
Phil - Don't like green eggs and ham.
Quendalon - I wish I had some oobleck
Raak - To spread upon my toast
Software - To eat with my Green Eggs and Ham
Irouléguy - While I'm reading next door's post
The Cat with the Line -
Tuj - I wish I manned a tower crane
CdM - Armed with a wrecking ball
Quendalon - I'd be every building's bane
Rosie - In Telford, first of all. Pandering to popular taste, though Swindon, Basingstoke and Crawley would have done.
Simons Mith - A nuclear bomb and Bracknell
Software - Go like toast and jam
Rosie - This should be known more widely (SM) I used to work there (Met Office) 1964-66. A soulless dump even then.
Chalky - So I'll set up Auto Spam - which gets rid of that one - phew
Chalky - I have a proposition
Simons Mith - To end this sentence with
penelope - That's such a supposition
From mister Simons Mith Oblig.
Rosie - I wish I were a lumberjack
Software - Hanging round a bar
Raak - I'd wear long frilly dresses
Chalky - Just like my dear mama - oblig.
Simons Mith - A fact that few consider
Quendalon - Regarding soccer moms
Kim - Is that their little poppets
Software - To matches carry bombs
Simons Mith - Rule one is that Thou Shall Wear Socks
Raak - Rule two is to not catch the Pox
Raak - Ah, this is a limerick, yes?
Scansion Gestapo - Nein.
Rosie - I wish that I were hosiery
irach - Wrapped 'round a woman's thighs
CdM - Instead (here's full disclosury)
Software - I just dreams and sighs
Kim - I wish I were a proper noun
And not a proper twit
Bigsmith - I wouldn't mislead my online friends
Software - By pretending I'm a wit
Tuj - I wish I were a raspberry [Softers] Precisely the line I nearly put in yesterday!
Rosie - Blown in your direction
Software - Then I would really signify
Chalky - Contempt for your complexion
Chalky - Spare the rod and spoil the child
Rosie - So whack him with a kipper
penelope - The little sod has run quite wild
Software - Who'd ever have a nipper?
Tuj - I wish I were a bumblebee
Raak - I'd bumble hither-thither
Chalky - Up to the point when you might say - go on - swear out loud. You know you want to.
Rosie - Fuck it, then. Why dither? (Chalks) Oh, I do, but actual invitations are scarce.
irach - I wish I was a potted plant
penelope - A fern or aspidistra
Software - I'd live in conservatory
Chalky - De-dum te-tum de-dah -life's too short to faff around with impossible rhymes and nonsensical third lines :-)
Chalky - I wish I had more patience
Bigsmith - With Software's last third line
penelope - I wish I'd thought before I wrote My fault - I must have had a brain fart
Rosie - Contrition, thus, is mine. (pen) Which orifice is involved in these eruptions?
Quendalon - I wish I owned a parrot
Software - I wish I owned a parrot [pen] confession is good for the soul ;o) + More brain farting!
Raak - Oh I wish I owned a parrot
Juxtapose - But I don't.
penelope - I've thought a lot about this line
Tuj - Perhaps I've over-thought
Quendalon - But when I think about my thoughts
irach - I get really overwrought
Rosie - I wish I were a beer mat
Software - For real ale not for lager
Darren - Anything that I soaked up
CdM - Would serve to end this saga (mercy killing)
Quendalon - I wish I were a Riesling
CdM - Or maybe a Gewurz
Chalky - Instead I'm just a pale Soave
Chalky - Life's so unfair, it hurts
irach - I wish I was a mezcal worm
Rosie - Condensing boozy vapours
Software - In stasis there I would remain
penelope - A source of mental capers
CdM - I would I were a pint of ale
Raak - As clear as amber dew
Software - I'd sit upon my beermat
Chalky - Anticipating you
Chalky - As swift as Summer Lightning
Raak - Your cooking passed through me
Rosie - The thunder rumbles on, though
Darren - As does the smell of brie
Tuj - I wish I were an antelope
penelope - An ungulate or deer
Rosie - I'd skip across the grassy plains Do I sound like a lumberjack? Hello, Darren. Where have you been, then?
Software - And wonder why I'm here
Raak - I like to play upon my oud
irach - Or my didgeridoo
Rosie - But as for my soprano sax
Phil - it always leaves me blue
Kim - I wish I were a tangerine
Software - I really don't know why
Chalky - They say I'm prone to whimsy
Darren - My head floats in the sky
Rosie - I wish I were a dicky-bird
penelope - A-sitting on the fence
Chalky - I'd then uncover what occurred
Phil - If I were not so dense
Simons Mith - To wait and watch and listen
Irouléguy - While drinking whisky sours
irach - Is, I think, a great fun way
CdM - To while away these hours
Simons Mith - To fart and belch and chunder
Raak - Is what every Aussie loves
Bigsmith - So is it any wonder
Rosie - They don't quite sound like doves. v few rhymes
Chalky - I wish I was the Ace of Spades
Phil - So black and curved, yet pointed
CdM - We aces all are renegades
Rosie - When trumped we're disappointed.
Tuj - I wish I were a saxophone
Rosie - All levers, pads and keys
irach - I'd be blown and fondled
Rosie - Is no-one going to finish this bugger? It's not that difficult, surely, and it has stood here for 4 days.
Quendalon - Right between the knees
Kim - For hours I stood and waited
Raak - For any sign of you
Chalky - I sighed and contemplated
blamelewis - Stalking someone new.
Rosie - I wish I were a chainsaw (Quen) That's the 'cello, surely. :-)
Phil - I'd really get a buzz
Raak - From taking part in massacres
irach - And perplexing Texas fuzz
Tuj - I wish I were a plank of wood
irach - With no termites around
Quendalon - By carpenters I would be nailed
Rosie - By creosote be browned.
Chalky - I booked a flight to Katmandu - Last three - neat :-)
Phil - It seemed a good idea
Raak - I then went on to Timbuktu
Rosie - Tomorrow, Llwynypia. It rhymes, it scans. Look it up. Mwa-ha-ha-ha!
Quendalon - I traveled to the Isle of Man
Phil - (The third leg of my trip)
irach - I spent three days in fun Milan
Chalky - Some tw*t put me in knip - I dunno - I'd barely uttered the word scaloppini... and there he was, brandishing his Mario Batali Oil Drizzler ...
Rosie - Begone, vile knippieri! (Phil) V good
blamelewis - You've blighted my whole game [irach] Very nice Texas line above, especially the internal "x" repeat
CdM - (My mother said: Be wary
Quendalon - If Maelberg's and Beck's are the same)
Tuj - This isn't quite a poem
Raak - Although it rhymes and scans
irach - The words just come a flowin'
Rosie - And look best in Gill Sans.
CdM - I wish I were a sonnet
Raak - That perched upon a tree
Software - But then would someone read me?
irach` - Yes, arborists certainly
Quendalon - O! if I were a petal
Raak - And you a honeybee
irach - I'd love your sweet antenna tickle
Software - As you crawl over me
Simons Mith - All things that squirm and wriggle
Raak - Are a delight to me
irach - Ooh, how I love those maggots
Rosie - How they enhance a brie!
Tuj - I wish I were a paper bag [Rosie] Deft!
irach - For airsickness on a plane
Software - I'd catch all those nasty bits
Rosie - Your loss - recycling's gain. (Tuj) Cheers.
Simons Mith - To loop the loop is my delight
Chalky - All on a springtime morn - [Rosers] neat finishing on last two
Raak - When up is down and down is up
Phil - Invertedly airborne
Tuj - It started in the treehouse
irach - It continued in the shed
Chalky - It traumatised my wee mouse
Raak - Which came into my bed.
Software - I wish I were a critic
Kim - Of literary works
irach - I just love lambasting authors
Rosie - Solipsistic berks!
Simons Mith - I swung my axe with gusto
irach - I chopped something in half
Raak - I put the vid on YouTube
Rosie - Please add an epitaph.
Kim - Three cheers for "last line" Rosie
He's really on a roll
Juxtapose - No matter what our prose be,
irach - With Rosie, it's not droll
Rosie - I really am most flattered . . . no last line this time . . .
Phil - And so you should be, chum!
irach - Because you have a way with words
Software - Stand up to roll of drum!
Kim - In spite of all the plaudits
Rosie - Pride's a Deadly Sin
Quendalon - Some rank it first of seven
Simon Mith - But I think Sloth should win
CdM - [Simons] I was going to post that line. But then I couldn't be bothered.
Software - I wish I were a sinner
Rosie - Evil of intent
irach - I'd take my cues from Lucifer
Kim - On chaos I'm hell-bent!
Simons Mith - A-sitting cross-legged on a cloud
Kim - Reciting a Lim'rick out loud [SM] Are you in the right room?
Software - With my head lowly bowed go with the flow
Phil - (I've no right to be proud)
CdM - I wonder if this is allowed
Phil - I'm glad I'm back to normal
Chalky - Whatever 'normal' is
CdM - It's less than semi-formal
Software - Just not quite the biz
irach - I'm glad I've regained consciousness
Raak - I thought I'd be dead forever
Juxtapose - But how shall I escape this box?
Rosie - That's my next endeavour.
penelope - I'm taking half of your estate
Phil - I think it's rightly mine
irach - Since I am your conjoined twin
Software - Sign on the dotted line
Kim - As I awoke this morning
Rosie - My little dream was scotched
irach - I knew I'd made a boo-boo
Chalky - 'Cause my tartan sheets were blotched - I'll get my jacket then ..
Software - I wish I were a referee
Phil - 'Cause I look good in black
Rosie - And what's more I'm a bastard
Bigsmith - And common sense I lack
[Rosie] I remember once seeing some "humorous" foreign language translations in preparation for a big football tournament - Italia 90 World Cup maybe. The one I always recall is "Bastardo" = Referee. Still makes me chuckle.
irach - I wish i was caddis fly
Rosie - Skimming o'er the water (Bigsmith) The thing is "Bastardo" is actually an Italian town and surname.
Software - I'd keep and eye out for the trout
Quendalon - And the salmon's hungry daughter
Tuj - I wish I were a paperclip
irach - I'd straddle many pages
Rosie - And though I am dispensable
Software - I pay my maker's wages
penelope - I wish I was a stocking top I have a precise idea where this one might go, but I wonder if anyone else gets it?
Software - Encircling a fine leg [pen] This may be off your female beam, given my gender
Bigsmith - Mmm, cricketers in lingerie
irach - In mid-slip, for which I beg
penelope - It really wasn't cricket
Raak - But more like table tennis
Software - My stocking tops went off the boil
Irouléguy - as Nancy said to Svennis It's the tatty denim jacket...
irach - A Viking who ate much salt cod
Software - [irach] is your mind really on this?
let's try a revamp:

I wish I'd been a Viking

Rosie - Intent on rape and pliiage
penelope - Because I have a liking (Assuming it's 'pillage' not 'pliiage') please, go ahead...
Raak - To escape this tiny village.
Chalky - I'd love to be a warrior
CdM - I'd warry and I'd warry
Software - But dressed in all this armour
Rosie - I'd not get quizzed by MORI. Non sequiturs - c'est moi.
irach - "Morituri te salutant"
Botherer - Was once to Caesar said
Software - So then he went and conquered
Chalky - Who said that Latin's dead?
Bigsmith - Sorry if you all know this one, but, back in the mid-seventies two years' study of Latin was still compulsory at my school. Handwritten in the front of my (very old and much used) textbook was this wonderful little ditty: "Latin is a language, As dead as dead can be, First it killed the Romans, And now it's killing me...."
Rosie - I wish I'd been a Roman Last one v good
Software - And lived the Roman ways
irach - I'd doff my toga in the baths
Juxtapose - With all the other straight people moving right along...
CdM - Latin is a language
Rosie - With endings and declensions
Raak - It's quite the grammar sandwich
Software - With classical pretensions
Simons Mith - How fond I am of Kipling
irach - Of Kim and Gunga Din
Raak - Of verandah-settled tippling
penelope - Small tonic, lots of gin.
Software - I wish I'd lived in days of Raj
irach - With my hookah and my bhisti
penelope - A most impressive entourage
Rosie - Quite unlike E L Wisty.
Simons Mith - I want to turn the decades back
Raak - And have my time again
Tuj - Well, maybe not the early days
blamelewis - 'cause teething was a pain
Kim - I wish I could remember
Rosie - Why I came upstairs
Software - But I'm sure that it will come to me
Irouléguy - Perhaps I'm hiding from the Blairs?
a merciful end...
irach - I wish I was a dentist's drill
Raak - A-grinding at your teeth
Software - I'd snigger as I hit a nerve
Rosie - And the touchy stuff beneath. (Softers) You BASTARD :-)
irach - I wish I was an albatross
Software - A soaring o'er the briny
Botherer - I'd check out female Albatrii I know...
Rosie - E'en though my willy's tiny. (Botherer) That's all right then. :-)
Tuj - I wish I were an eagle
irach - Perched on my cliffside aerie
Rosie - Bunny rabbits, watch your back
Software - I feel a little queerie
CdM - I would I were a hummingbird
irach - Sipping nectar dawn to dusk
Botherer - I'd beat my wings so very fast
Software - I'd not have time to busk There, that's that then
Rosie - I wish I were Geordie (Softers) Well done. I found that one impossible.
Software - I'd call everybody man
Tuj - I'd preface statements with "Why aye"
Botherer - And shirtless try to tan (Rosie) busk and musk were the only words I could think of so was hinting at working up a sweat...
Chalky - I'd love to sip some Earl Grey tea
irach - With rusk and homemAde scones
Quendalon - I'd feel so very dignified
Software - Talking in snobbish tones that's how I pronounces it
Software - I wish I were a white van man
Rosie - Foot hard on the floor
Phil - I'd rob the middle classes blind
Irouléguy - And undercharge the poor Poetic licence invoked
irach - I wish I was the Moomintroll
Software - But why I just don't know
Tuj - Perhaps it is the Snork Maiden
Botherer - Her norks are rather droll
Simons Mith - I paint my feet with mayonnaise
Irouléguy - And stand on Regent Street
Rosie - But only on those sunny days
irach - When rats deserve a treat
Simons Mith - In Noorvik lives a noble moose
Raak - The monarch of the tundra
Software - He grazes lichen all the day
Kim - And fresh leaves by the hundre(d)
PLA (Poetic Licensing Authority) - That's a point on your poetic license, Mr Raak. We'll be watching you.
Juxtapose - The oboe is a woodwind
Rosie - And has a double reed
Raak - The clarinet has only one
Software - Which quite fulfils it's need
Kim - Oh, please, lend 'us a tenner
Software - I'm short of a few bob [Kim] scan a bit sus, there, mate :o)
irach - A fiver simply will not do
Rosie - 'Cos I'm a boozy slob.
Kim - [Softers] Oh, please, lend 'us a tenner - 's wrong wi' that?
Software - [Kim] Sounds a bit limerickish to me.

Anyway:
I wish I were a bookie

irach - I'd make more dough than bakers
Rosie - So get my share of nooky
CdM - With the movers and the shakers
Irouléguy - I have a niece called Sunny
Raak - By name and nature too
irach - She wants to join the Moonies now
Software - The silly little moo
Rosie - Curses! Simulposted and with a very similar line.
Kim - I like my Brie all runny
Rosie - Disgusting though it looks
Raak - As long as it's not furry
Software - Then I'd throw it at the rooks
Irach - I wish I was a Bo Peep sheep
Botherer - All lost and undiscovered
Software - But my mistress for me would go seek
Irouléguy - She really would be bovvered
Rosie - I wish I were a conker
irach - And be the conkering hero
Kim - But 'gainst the oven-hardened champ
Software - My chances approach zero
Software - I wish I were a-sunbathing
Kim - A-naked on my porch
Rosie - Scandalising passers-by
Irouléguy - Who giggle while I scorch
Rosie - I wish I were the gas-man
Software - I'd cut off your supply
CdM - And that would be a gas, man
Néa - Because I'd make you cry.
Kim - Step on the gas man!
Kim - I'm flying down to Rio
irach - Sugarloaf Mountain beckons
Raak - My jouney is con brio
Bigsmith - Or so the Missus reckons...
Software - I wish I were a real cool cat
Rosie - And stunningly good-looking
irach - Dick Whittington would disown his
Darren - And I would get his booking
Rosie - I wish I were a High Court judge
irach - Doling justice from the bench
Software - I wish they'd bring back hanging
Kim - That'd make the buggers blench!
irach - I wish that Keira Knightley's toes
Phil - Were hairy, just like mine
Software - Instead they're varnished in bright hues
penelope - But I only counted nine
Software - I wish I were an athlete
Quendalon - With awesome washboard abs
Rosie - Enhanced by ev'ry drug there is
irach - Including androgenic mAbs (monoclonal antibodies, that is...)
Irouléguy - I wish I was in Heckmondwyke
irach - I tire of Cleckheaton
penelope - My head is all messed up and like
Software - A carpet, beaten. In another life I used to deal with a computer company based in Heckmondwyke
irach - I wish my elephant would tread
Juxtapose - A little more discretely
Raak - But when I tell him, "Whoa, Fred!"
Rosie - He loses it completely.
Simons Mith - My love is like a red, red rose
Raak - That's been decapitated
Rosie - By someone who sadly knows
Software -
Software - Bugger, something fouled up - it should read:

How much its overrated

Software - What the f...

I wish that I could turn back

irach - And not screw up this time
CdM - Were there but a BUTTON I could press
Phil - I could go back and have a second attempt at making this line scan as well as rhyme
Rosie - I wish I were a satnav
Raak - That told you where to go
Software - Then I would tell you to sod off
Irouléguy - Sounding like Seb Coe onwards...
irach - I wish I was a dwarf star
Software - In a fairground freaky show
Irouléguy - I'd shave the bearded lady
Rosie - Which part you'll never know.
FGZstar - I wish i was a Punk Rocker
Rosie - With acne, grease and bile
Juxtapose - My ears all full of safety pins,
Software - My vocabulary vile
Rosie - I wish I were an aerial
Software - A Yagi not a dish
Rosie - Grabbing waves ethereal Why has this sat here for a week? It's not difficult.
Phil - Is that too much to wish?
Software - I'm glad I'm not a poofter
irach - Or a drag queen with a pouf
CdM - And though I'm homophobic
Kim - I like a bit of rouf.
Simons Mith - A ladder in my stockings
Phil - A stairway to your dreams?
Software - Held up by suspenders
Rosie - And other fiendish schemes.
irach - I wish that colonoscopies
penelope - Were broadcast on the telly
Rosie - Just the place for yet more crap
Software - To turn our brains to jelly
Phil - [i,p,R,S] V. Good
Projoy - I wish I'd done some thinking
CdM - Before I chose to speak
irach - So now my foot is in my mouth
RAAK - It's been there all the week.
irach - I wish I was an alpaca
Raak - Instead of being a llama
Software - But then again a camel
penelope - Is one to cause a drama
Kim - I wish I were a farmer
penelope - With fields all bare and ploughed
irach - I'd grow my hops and barley
Software - No trespassers allowed
Phil - Alas, the fields are flooded
Rosie - So let us all grow rice
Software - Now, now, please don't have a paddy
irach - Paddy leeches aren't nice
Kim - I wish I were a boxer
Software - Rather than a scotty
CdM - Or even a dalmatian in a desperate bid to get this moving again
Rosie - Costing fifty zloty. Crap, but it'll do. (CdM) Well done. No-one's fault really.
CdM - [Rosie] I was expecting "dotty" :-)
I wish I had the foresight
Raak - To know what banks to short
Software - Then I'd make a killing [Rosie] I thought that I'd primed it for the last line to be something like "Cos my nose is snotty" but there you go ...
CdM - If I'd sold what I bought sorry for the doublepost, but it just seemed right
irach - I wish I was a chimpanzee
Rosie - Tossing off with vigour
Software - I'd stare at you from in my cage
Robin - (For chimps that's so de rigueur)
Rosie - I do so wish I could speak French
Simons Mith - The language of romance
irach - Much better than the Double Dutch
Tuj - "Take off der pants, der pants!"
CdM - O! Would I were a poet!
nights - My verse, it would astound
irach - And what it lacked in scan and rhyme
Raak - I'd make up with sheer sound.
Software - I wish I were a sculptor
Raak - Wrestling with wet clay
Rosie - Trying to create beauty
irach - In a Venus de Milo way
penelope - I wish I was a frisbee
Rosie - Spinning through the air
Software - I'd land in someone's picnic
irach - With buoyant savoir faire
penelope - I like my steak done meejum rare
Raak - Blood-stained, not dripping red
Software - Served up with crispy onion rings
penelope - And crusty, warm French bread *rumbles*
Kim - I wish I were a salmon [Pen] Nicely topped and tailed
irach - Swimming to my spawning ground
Rosie - And though I'm going 'gainst the flow
Software - My methodology is sound I wonder why some "stick"?
Kim - I wish I were a stick insect [Software] I think it has to do with the movement of the stick market
Rosie - Just like Peter Crouch
Phil - I'd stick one in the Kazakh's goal
Software - I really am no slouch
Kim - I wish I were a Two-toe'd Sloth
irach - I just hate having five
Software - I'd spend each day just hanging on
Rosie - To prove that I'm alive.
Kim - When I switched on my telly
Software - The news was far from good
irach - I've lost a lot of money
Rosie - So let's play Robin Hood.
penelope - When I switched on the wireless
Software - To hear Evan Davis drawl
Irouléguy - I sat and quietly panicked
irach - It made my skin just crawl
Rosie - I wish I were an ingot
Phil - Locked up in Fort Knox
Software - Safely away from mayhem
irach - In Uncle Sam's steel box
penelope - It's not the way I planned it
Raak - It's not like it should be
Rosie - Alas, it's all gone pear-shaped
Software - But it suits me to a tee
irach - I wish I was a chimney sweep
Software - Just like Dick Van Dyke
Rosie - I'd stick my brush right up your flue
penelope - And shake it, if you like. My coat? How kind......
Software - I wish I were Italian
Rosie - Ruthlessness plus charm
irach - I'd cruise Roma on Lambrettas
penelope - A compare on my arm Compare n. crony, close pal, buddy. Literally, "godfather" in Italian.
Kim - I wish I were a compère Compère n. master of ceremonies. From old French, meaning "godfather".
Rosie - Oozing wit and charm
Software - I'd denigrate the other acts
irach - And call Queen Lizzie "Marm"
Kim - I wish I were a Comice Pear
Software - A female shape for sure
penelope - Narrow here and wider there
Rosie - Luscious, juicy, phwooar! Er, sorry. Saw a copy of The Sun in the Co-op.
irach - I wish that baleen whales had teeth
Rosie - (irach) Have you started a limerick?
irach - (Rosie) No. It's exactly the same format as earlier one in syllables and scan...)
Raak - And roamed upon the land
penelope - But wouldn't want to stand beneath
Software - As they walk down the Strand
Kim - [i,R,p,S] Lovely. Qualities of Lewis Carrol about it.
I wish I were a vendor
Raak - Of pies and potted meat
Rosie - And with the cash you tender
irach - My bookie I would meet
CdM - I wish I knew exactly
Rosie - How I would react
Software - But I am so uncertain
penelope - So that wish I'll retract
Rosie - I wish I were a bishop
Raak - With mitre, cope, and crook
Software - I'd stand out on a chessboard
irach - From queen and knight and rook
Kim - I wish I were the President
Raak - I'd set the whole world right
Rosie - From my perspective, obviously,
Software - I'd be neck-deep in the shite
Kim - I wish I were a cheeseboard
irach - That smelt like gorgonzola
Software - An aroma sooo Italian
penelope - Like Monza and Imola Har har
Bigsmith - I wish I was in Magny Cours
Software - In a Citron set to go
Kim - My lemon-powered vehicle
CdM - More juiced than a Poiregeot
Simons Mith - I drive a Massey Ferguson
Software - A farmer's boy I am
Rosie - It is a strange attractor
Juxtapose - To every little lamb
Rosie - I wish I were a tube of glue
irach - I would be stuck on you
Software - In fact I am quite super
penelope - and sticking's what I do
Phil - I wish I had a bus pass
Rosie - Alas, I'm far too young Hur, hur, hur...
Software - But never mind, I can wait
irach - Until I am well-hung Yes, coat please....
Kim - These days there's no denying
Rosie - That we eat far too much Still haven't finished me birfdy choccies.
Software - So let's all check our diets
irach - With low-fat meals and such
Software - I wish I could be Santa
Kim - If only for a day
Tuj - Let's say the 25th of June
irach - Or else the 4th of May
Bigsmith - Genius...
Bigsmith - I wish I could write poems
Kim - Of elegance and style
Simons Mith - That touched the reader's very soul
Raak - And left them with a smile.
irach - I must not be unwary
Raak - Of opportunitee
Bigsmith - So when the chance arises
Software - I grab it all for MEE!
Rosie - I wish I were a hosepipe
Software - Connected to a tap
irach - Instead I'm just a drainpipe
Phil - I'm really rather crap
Juxtapose - I think my phone is dying
blamelewis - Its number has come up
Kim - I'm ringing for a doctor
Software - But he can't think of a suitable rhyme for 'up'. Mercy killing
irach - I really wish that Camembert
Software - Did not smell quite so strong
Raak - I'd like to gobble down a pound
Rosie - Despite the awful pong. oblig.
penelope - I wish that influenza ack ack
Kim - With whisky could be cured [Pen] Get well soon.
Rosie - But this, I fear, is fanciful
Software - But drink it if your bored. Get well soon, pen.
irach - I wish that pen feels better
Botherer - Than pencil in my hand What?!?
Rosie - Abhor all things hexagonal
Software - We live in circle land
Tuj - I wish I were a hedgehog
Rosie - Scuttling 'cross the road
Software - I'd swerve between the traffic
CdM - Till permanently slowed
penelope - I wish I was a kerb stone
irach - I just love to be stepped on
Rosie - And scraped by fancy wheel-rims
CdM - And occasionally slept on
Rosie - I wish I were a conductor (CdM) Nice one.
Software - Feeding voltage to a train
Kim - Trundling up the District Line
penelope - My job's a shocking pain
Kim - I wish I were a Christmas card [pen] I was half expecting the rather more prosaic "and trundling down again."
Rosie - Sold for charitee
irach - For orphans or for UNICEF
penelope - With love for you from mee
irach - I wish I was a Dundee cake
Chalky - A-fill with fruitiness
Rosie - Scoffed in no time - yum yum yum
Software - Then thrown up - what a mess
Simons Mith - Each day I feed my pussy cat
Rosie - It grows a little fatter
Raak - And when I think it's grown enough
Darren - I'll fry it in some batter
Rosie - I wish I were a lighthouse (Darren) You BASTARD!. Welcome back, BTW.
Software - Standing firmly on a rock
Darren - So everyone who saw me [Rosie] Thanks!
irach - Could sail in and safely dock
Simons Mith - It seems the harbour's frozen up
CdM - And though it looks quite nice. easyfeeds r us
Rosie - I think there'll be some fun and games
Software - if someone has the dice
irach - I wish I were a slithy tove
Raak - A-gimbling in the wabe
Phil - I'd stick one to a borogove
Bigsmith - Then frabjously outgrabe
Bigsmith - I wish I were on the Ning Nang Nong
irach - Where the teapots jibber joo
penelope - My flannel's got a funny pong
Was that from washing you?
Rosie - I wish I were a domino
Software - Then all these spots I've got
Kim - Would mean more than just acne
irach - They'd be right on the dot
Chalky - My life is like a pack of cards
Darren - And fate is playing poker
Kim - I've only got a pair of eights
Simons Mith - And Mr Soot the Stoker
irach - I wish I were a roulette wheel
Juxtapose - I'd take you for a spin
Raak - And if you said "Rien ne va plus!"
Rosie - I'd still ask for your PIN.
Simons Mith - And now alas, I'm stony broke
Darren - I've frittered all my cash
Rosie - On booze and birds and lines of coke reveal
Pablo - - You pay the bill - must dash!
irach - I wish that Amy Winehouse would
Chalky - Put on a paper bag
Phil - She really is an ugly, skinny,
Bigsmith - Tone deaf, pissed up hag.
penelope - Findus fish fingers are no more Some spiffing ones in the last week, well done!
Software - The Firm's be frozen out; iCPB - excellent
Chalky - Captain Birds Eye rules the roost
Rosie - Such gastronomic clout.
irach - I wish my unicycle had
Phil - An extra wheel or two
Fogey - For I'd prefer to bi- or tri-
Raak - -cycle along with you.
Simons Mith - To drive an eighteen wheeler
Chalky - Needs a beefy set of pecs
Software - Unless there's power steering
Darren - Or warp drive (like Star Trek's)
Rosie - I wish I were made of perspex
irach - I just love acrylic glass
Software - Every part of me'd be see-through
Phil - But not my clothes, alas.
Chalky - I've just received a box of cheese
Bigsmith - Tilsit and Bel Paese
penelope - My cheesy habit they will foster
Replacing Brie and Double Gloucester Don't get me started on cheese...
irach - I wish the folks of Limpopo
Darren - Would choose a better name
Bigsmith - And Peneloopij's scansion
Rosie - Is OK. What a dame!
Software - I wish I were a hedgehog
Raak - Curled up into a ball
irach - A compact spiky little sphere
Rosie - Impeneteraball. ....apologies....
Kim - I wish I were elastic
Software - Your highly flexing friend
penelope - Our friendship is fantastic
Juxtapose - But plastic in the end
penelope - [K, S, p (me), J] That one is exciting and sad at the same time.
irach - I wish I were a Velcro strip
Software - I'd stick where I'm not wanted
Raak - And when you ripped my sides apart
Rosie - I'd be non-orthodonted. ....difficult....
Simons Mith - I swim beside my manatee
irach - She's such a gentle soul
Rosie - Without a trace of vanity
Darren - We queue up for the dole
Rosie - I wish I were a High Court Judge
Software - I like to dress in wigs
penelope - With toupée tape they shouldn't budge
irach - On my Old Bailey gigs
Software - I wish I were a magistrate Continuing the legal theme
Bigsmith - Sitting on the Bench
Kim - Dispensing justice all day long BTW; we had magistrate twice before
irach - To every wanton wench
Simons Mith - At last I've found my one true love
Juxtapose - I found her in a cave
Darren - She dropped upon me from above
Simons Mith - … It's been a splendid rave!
Software - I wish I were a botanist
irach - Researching Cannabis
Rosie - I'd take samples home with me
Finisher - And hallucinate in bliss
Raak - I wish I were the very last
Rosie - On which my shoes were made
irach - A boot I'd seek, a sole-searching soul
Software - One that could be laid. coat!
penelope - I wish I wasn't left-hand-drive gah, I'm struggling with it - and often set off on the wrong side of the road, despite a new easy-to-drive car and a helpful sticker on the windscreen.
Software - It's clearly just now right;
Software - now = not :o(
Phil - I can't change gear with my right hand
penelope - Not since I had the fight moicy
Simons Mith - For fifty miles I chased the Stig
Rosie - In my Cooper S
Software - But just as he was in my sights
Darren - I span off - what a mess.
Simons Mith - They once put Clarkson in a tank
Rosie - Of boiling caustic soda ...dream on...
Software - But the b*stard's really so thick skinned
penelope - We wait to write his coda
irach - I wish an anaconda could
Rosie - Wear a feather boa
Software - On the catwalk it would slither
Fogey - With aplomb but ever slower
Simons Mith -
The mamba is a placid soul
(Invoking the Nash convention. Ogden Nash, that is.)
irach - Whose gentle toxic bite
Software - Will send you into ga-ga land
Rosie - See one and take fright.
Software - I wish I were in Kathmandu
irach - Chug-a-lugging Gorkha beer
Rosie - Climb a mountain? - no can do
Knobbly - I think I'll stay right here
Simons Mith - When I once rode through Peckham
irach - As a Spice Girls groupie
Software - I thought that David Beckham
Rosie - Was local slang for loopy.
Rosie - I wish I were a pelican
Software - A crossing's what I'd be
penelope - Not Zebra or pedestrian
irach - Or Julia Roberts' brief for me
Simons Mith - My y-fronts are the stretchy ones
Chalky - Because I'm big down there
penelope - My feet are almost size eighteen Chalky - back on form, missus?!!
irach - But them - my wife don't care
Simons Mith - The hippo favours boxer shorts
Juxtapose - So warm savannah breezes (unfinished sentence alert)
irach - May aerate sundry nether parts
Rosie - Which cures all known diseases.
Simons Mith - The alligator's cheerful grin
irach - Belies its fearsome chomp
Darren - Therefore, don't put fingers in
Software - Unless that is your wont Making the best of irach's challenging rhyme
irach - I wish I could have easy rhymes [Software]...how about "swamp...or stomp... or romp... or pomp"?
CdM - Like "me", "my", or "nasturtium"
Rosie - And not have "alcohol" or "Thirsk"
Raak - Or Moses' firstborn, Gershom.
Rosie - (Raak) .....who played in goal for Walton and Hersham. Good on crosses.
Software - [irach] tried them, couldn't make 'em work
Simons Mith - I love a well-constructed ark
irach - And animals in pairs
Software - With several decks to spread the load
penelope - And on the top, deckchairs.
Rosie - reveal
Rosie - I wish I were a blowlamp
Software - I love the smell of burning paint
irach - My blow job will impress you
Knobbly - And leave you feeling faint
irach - Such fun to be a hippo!
Raak - And wallow in the mud!
Simons Mith - The best thing about wallowing:
penelope - It's not something I should.
CdM - I wish for not a single thing
Software - I'm rich and have it all
penelope - The cash, the cars, the yacht, the bling
Raak - Yes, I'm a Barbie doll!
irach - My orca thinks a goldfish bowl
Simons Mith - Is comfy, warm and snug
Rosie - This bowl, of course, is very large
Darren - I cross it in a tug
Software - I wish I'd been King Henry Eight
Raak - And ruled o'er all the land
Rosie - My carnal appetite I'd sate
irach - On Kates and Annes at hand
penelope - I wish I was a rolling stone
irach - That could gather up Kate Moss
Software - I'd be a model rock star
Juxtapose - And use her just to floss
Simons Mith - When a stone has finished rolling
Software - It'll be o'er the hill
Kim - And all the moss it's gathered
Raak - Will be there still.
irach - I wish the Pussycat and Owl
Kim - Would cease their constant rowing
Simons Mith - They've got an outboard motor now
penelope - And really should get going
Juxtapose - I had a little problem (i,K,SM,p - bravo)
Raak - Nothing would it ease
CdM - I had lots of honey
penelope - But still I lost my peas how satisfying
Rosie - I had a little brainwave
irach - 'Twas no brain tsunami
Software - The idea just came into my head
Kim - To join the Belgian army
Simons Mith - I haven't got an earthly chance
Rosie - Of shagging Hazel Blears
irach - The thought of that just makes me weep
Darren - With joyful, happy tears
irach - I wish a Snark (Boojum, or not)
CdM - Was not so hard to catch
Software - So maybe I'll just not bother
Knobbly - As I think I've met my match
Simons Mith - Lonely Grinch Would Like To Meet
irach - A Who like Cindy Lou
Kim - For friendship, fun and maybe more
Software - But anything will do
Simons Mith - [Software] Excellent finish
Kim -
En route from Clapham Junction
Rosie - To Sunningdale, via Staines
Software - A bloody signal failure
irach - Oh, damn these BritRail trains!
Rosie - I wish I were a satnav (irach) BR (British Rail) is no more. Privatised in 1994. Don't get me going. :-)
CdM - I'd tell you where to go
ImNotJohn - Turn left along this footpath
Raak - And then get out and row.
Software - I wish I had a second home
irach - Be it igloo or a yurt [Rosie]Forgive me my trespass. But then what do us Yanks know of things British such as bowlers, stumps and fish and chips, or haggises and kings? Maybe Brit Rail got privatised just because of those bloody signal failures pre-dating 1994 ;)
Rosie - I'd furnish it from MFI (irach) Yep, private firms make lots of money installing dodgy signals and other private firms make equally large amounts repairing them. Sole purpose of the exercise.
Kim - And carpet it with dirt
Dorothy Parker -

I wish I could drink like a lady
I can take one or two at the most
Three and I'm under the table
Four and I'm under the host

irach - I wish I were a spittoon
Knobbly - In which men expectorate
CdM - Though now, upon reflection
Rosie - I should learn to delegate.
irach - I wish Alfredo Garcia's head
Juxtapose - Was brought today to me
Software - On second thoughts instead
CdM - Invite him round for tea
Rosie - I wish I were a biscuit
irach - Dunked in a cuppa tea
Software - I'd go from crisp to soggy
penelope - Before you count to three
Software - I wish I were a talent scout
Rosie - With power to recommend
Juxtapose - For then you'd let me scout you out
Chalky - To star in the West End
Simons Mith - I stand at the end of the pier
Simons Mith - Whoops, I may have limericked by mistake. Sorry.
irach - [SM] Can be remedied....I wish I stood at pier's end
Rosie - Playing the slot machines Fits either
Software - I'd surely win the jackpot
Juxtapose - And stuff it in my jeans
CdM - Whisht! I hear a whirring
Raak - The clock's about to chime
Rosie - It's measure is unerring
irach - Big Ben meets the test of time
penelope - Shall we have another?
Raak - The evening is young
irach - Itsh jusht my fourth martini
Software - And my wife has not yet rung
Rosie - I wish I were a cactus
Software - Then prickly I would be
irach - I think a xerophytic life
Raak - Is just the life for me.
Simons Mith - As I sit here slowly melting
irach - Like a warming slab of butter
Raak - I long for rainstorms pelting
Software - I'll go lie out in the gutter
CdM - I wish I had a magic lamp
Darren - The kind that I could rub
Software - I'd conjure up a genie
penelope - or a lovely plate of grub
Simons Mith - At last the clouds have shed their load
ImNotJohn - And all beneath is dripping.
Raak - How good it is to be a toad
Darren - Through puddles gently skipping
Software - I wish I were a spin doctor
CdM - I'd fix your gyroscope
Kim - And with my centripetal force
irach - It would then work, I'd hope
Rosie - I wish I were pigeon
CdM - For even when I roam
Kim - I'd always find my way back to
Raak - The place that I call home. That would do very well spread over four illustrated pages in a book for small children.
penelope - [Raak] I'm onto it.
irach - I wish my cluttered home-sweet-home
Software - Could be defraged like a disk
Raak - I'd contemplate space, light, and air
Rosie - But this involves some risk.
Juxtapose - I work as an inspector
Rosie - My beady eye sees all
Raak - If just one hair is out of place
Chalky - I'll snood you- one and all
Rosie - I wish I were a bishop
CdM - Complete with bishopric
Raak - I'd show it off to all the crowds
Software - Even though I look a pr*ck
Simons Mith - My plan has just revealed its flaw
penelope - Thwarting vic-tor-ee
Kim - It seems there is no winning move
irach - Or derring-do by me
CdM - The winter wind is howling
Software - On this summer's day
Rosie - So much for Global Warming oblig.
Phil - It's gone the other way If only to move on...
CdM - I wish I were penelope
Rosie - Squelching through the polder
penelope - Alas I think I'm Tuj or Raak This is just weird
irach - E'en Rosie would be bolder
Rosie - I wish I were a pirate They're so bold...
irach - With eyepatch and a stump
Raak - I'd sail the seven seas for loot
Software - And I'd always be a grump
Juxtapose - I'd trade all my possessions
Raak - For just one night with you
Rosie - I'd hang on to the condoms, though
Software - I can only sup-port two.
penelope - I wish I only worked part-time I do...
Phil - Just 40 hours or so
Software - I'd work them all contiguously
irach - At a street pub in Warsaw
Software - If I were on Big Brother never watch it, actually
Rosie - Then, just to cause a scandal
Juxtapose - I'd walk up to the cameraman
Robin - While naked, bar one sandal.
Rosie - I wish I were an elephant
Raak - As big as big can be
Software - And white would also be quite nice
Phil - But grey's OK by me
Simons Mith - I want to spray my turtle with
Rosie - A really good strong lacquer
Raak - So when I take it out to play   Is "turtle" a euphemism for something?
penelope - I'm Tito, he's maraca Tito Puente and I'd need another half for a complete set of maracas, obviously...
irach - I wish my pet piranhas would
Rosie - Learn some table manners
Software - It never uses knife or fork
CdM - When eating their bananners Mercy killing
penelope - My pets were forty stripy snails
irach` - Who left trails of oozy slime
Rosie - And so I say when all else fails
Software - That oozy slime's sublime
Tuj - It's small and green and scratchy
Simons Mith - But it's also pretty cute
Raak - And when it snuggles up to me
Darren - It's not so hard to shoot
Software - I wish I were an astronaut
Rosie - Hurtling through the void
irach - I'd fix Space Stations' toilet bowls
Phil - And ease my haemorrhoid
Rosie - We ought to have a bonfire
Software - To burn the falling leaves From my neighbour's bloody trees.
irach - From my neighbour's bloody trees
Software - I sweep them on my knees well, Mrs Software does, anyway ... sorry for leaping in.
penelope - We need to move the compost heap
Tuj - Why is it in the lounge?
Rosie - It warms the room, and as you know
Software - It's eco-friendly - zounds!
Tuj - The weeds are growing larger
Rosie - Time to slash and burn (Softers) The only rhyme I could think of was scrounge.
Phil - Like Athens razed to ashes
Software - Will we ever learn?
Simons Mith - The flames have grown a bit too high
Tuj - My burgers are imperilled!
Software - I'll damp the flames with kerosene
Rosie - My wife shouts, "Grow up, Gerald!"
Juxtapose - I wish I wasn't burning
Rosie - With such intense desire
CdM - To wish that I was yearning
Raak - For you to light my fire.
Rosie - I wish I were a cricket ball
penelope - With stitched and puckered seam
Software - I'd conjure up a googly
irach - Be a spin bowler's dream
Simons Mith - Their bats are made of willow
Simons Mith -
irach - They play on a sticky wicket
Rosie - Their stubble is like Brillo
penelope - It's prickly, so don't lick it
Kim - *Overheard*

I'll play a dazzling rhapsody
On all your pleasure centres
And drain you of your ecstacy
By taking out my dentures

...and now, back to our usual programme...

irach - I wish my dentures would fit right
Rosie - Up Rupert Murdoch's arse Dreadfully sorry....
Software - Then perhaps he'd feel the need
Juxtapose - to show a bit more class moving speedily along
penelope - I'd like a little drop of milk
Raak - To pour into my tea
Rosie - And sugar too, for I'm a builder
Simons Mith - So can you make it three?
penelope - I'm forming an opinion That last one was nice. Congrats me (p) R, R, SM
CdM - That I'd like to express
Raak - I want you for a minion
Software - To get me out this mess
Rosie - I wish I were a rubber stamp
irach - I'm sure I'd make my mark
Software - And I'd be quite officious
Phil - To be frank, an autarch
Simons Mith - The Dirty Dancer's danced his last
ImNotJohn - And now is just a ghost
irach - They mourn in the City of Joy
Software - For now he is just toast.
Raak - I wish I were a teetotum
irach - A dreidel or whirligig
Software - But spinning make me giddy
Juxtapose - Explain your elections in Swahili then goad unemployable layabouts, dig?
CdM - I wish I could change just one thing:
Raak - The way that my bike bell goes ting!
Raak - Sorry, thinking in limericks there...
Raak - Actually, it could still work if read in ti-tum-ti-tum-ti-tum-ti-tum metre and AABB rhyming.
Phil - I'd rather it went boing instead (continuing with Raak's suggestion)
Simons Mith - And boggle all those folks ahead
CdM - I wish that she would tell me
Software - How white my shirts could be
irach - If laundry maids all armed with bleach
penelope - Would point and squirt for free
Simons Mith - A splash of paint, a dob of glue
Software - I shall build a balsa plane;
Phil - I'll tie a hampster underneath
Rosie - For I'm a sadist; I do pain.
Simons Mith - A whip, some chains and baby oil
Raak - Are all I need, with you
Software - As you are quite the sexiest
Kim - Welder I ever knew
Rosie - I wish I were a piano string
Raak - That's tuned to middle C
CdM - I'd be reverberatering
Software - And shaking at the knee
Raak - My love is like a piano string
That's tuned to middle C
Oh, what duets with her I sing
Played in a major key.
penelope - My love is like a red, red rose I can feel some sort of cascade coming on.
Kim - But woe, alas, alack!
irach - The thorns attached have pricked me so
Software - No comfort in the sack
Raak - My love is like a high, high hill
Rosie - For ever in the clouds
penelope - The constant fog makes me feel ill
Software - I'll soon be wrapped in shrouds
CdM - My love is like a green, green toad
ImNotJohn - She's just about to croak
Kim - But if I kiss her on the lips
Simons Mith - All lust goes up in smoke
Rosie - My love is like a big red bus (CdM, INJ) You two are evil
Raak - Whose engine's mighty throb
Simons Mith - Makes all the blood rush to my cheeks
Darren - Which gives me a red gob
irach - My love just makes me sing the blues
Raak - All day and all night long
penelope - The blisters from my blue suede shoes
Juxtapose - Give sole to every song
irach - My love is like a pink, pink pig
Rosie - For I bring home the bacon (Darren) Admirable restraint.
Darren - Which fills her belly, round and big
Software - For my bitch she is Jamaican
penelope - [i, R, D. S] That last one made me snigger out loud. Pork scratchings all round.
My love is like a chocolate cake
Phil - She's soft and sweet and yummy
Software - A delicious moment on the lips
Raak - A squirming in the tummy.
Juxtapose - My hate is like a black, black hole
Rosie - 'Cos I was once a star
Software - That fell right in upon myself
CdM - When I thought I'd go far
Raak - My love is like an elephant
Darren - But with a tiny trunk
Software - My manhood has some shortcomings
Rosie - So I'll become a monk.
nights - My love is like a great big dog
irach - That licks on me with glee
Raak - And when we make the two-backed beast
Software - I keep my eye out for a flea.
Rosie - My love is like the River Thames
Darren - It's very, very wet
Simons Mith - And when my lover tires of this
irach - I towel off the sweat
penelope - My love is of the cupboard type
Phil - With lovely louvred doors
Software - But I secretly admire
Raak - Her polished wooden floors.
Kim - My love is like a hungry wolf
Raak - That rends me limb from limb
Software - A perfect dominatrix
Rosie - Though not exactly trim. reveal
Simons Mith - My life is like a Broadway play
Simons Mith - On third thoughts
My life is like a Broadway show
Juxtapose - And not a Broadway play
Phil - All dancing-girls and razz'matazz
Darren - To watch it, you must pay
irach - My love is like a cockatoo
Software - All noise and show and strut
Simons Mith - When 'Polly wants a cracker', well,
Raak - She'll peck at nothing but.
Kim - My love is like a London bus
penelope - but you won't let me stop dearie me
Software - Even though there's room on top
Rosie - For all who'd like a pop. ...disgraceful...
penelope - [K, me, S, R] Splendid. beautifully set-up.
My love is like a village hall
Simons Mith - That hasn't got a roof
Raak - So when it rains we use the church
Software - It's not the same to tell the truth
Kim - My love is like a deep, deep fjord
Phil - By Slartibartfast made
Raak - Her crinkly edges are a joy
Software - If to them attention's paid
irach - My love is like a smorgasbord
Raak - Laid down for all to eat
Rosie - Now, which bit shall I have today
Darren - I think I'll bite her feet
Rosie - My love is like a summer's day
Software - (Not a British one of course)
Raak - We love to roll in new-mown hay
Phil - She reminds me of a horse
Kim - My love is like a wild, wild wind
Simons Mith - From eating too much chili
irach - She's loud and doth so like to gas
Rosie - It fair doth shrink my willy.
Software - My love is like a pint of ale
irach - Her mug froths at the mouth
penelope - She's bitter, stout and sometimes pale
Rosie - And commutes from Whyteleafe South. Sorry, but not many rhymes.
Simons Mith - My shed is made of finest teak
Raak - With hand-made brass door-hinges
Darren - The door itself shall never squeak
Software - Thus conceal my secret binges
penelope - When times are tough, I often go
irach - And rub my genie's lamp
Raak - It makes him very happy, and
Software - His trousers damp Sorry, sorry, sorry ...
penelope - My love is like the purest thing Shameful, Softers, shameful...
Software - Just think of driven snow
Darren - My love's more fluffy, whiter too
Simons Mith - And just ten quid a go.
Rosie - My love's a stream of bat's piss
Raak - Amber nectar from on high
penelope - And when I steal a fruity kiss
Software - It squirts me in the eye
irach - My love is much like fish and chips
Raak - A warm and greasy friend
penelope - The strangest feeling on the lips
Software - In ecstasy I transcend
irach - My love is like a pitted prune
Rosie - A bit like my complexion
Darren - It looks its worst in early June
Software - Bright sun shows each imperfection
Rosie - My love is like a saxophone
Kim - As played by John Coltraine [Software] I hate to bellyache, but you've provided the last line in five out of the last six Glow Worms and spoiled the scansion in four of them. Please could you try to stick to "de-dum de-dum de-dum-dum"?
Lurker - hear hear Kim
Rosie - The scansion in Glow Worms can be anything that is rhythmic and fits; it does not have to be de-dum de-dum de-dum
Software - Caressed it makes a blissful moan [Kim, Lurker] Luck of the draw, old mates. See also Rosie.
Darren - But blown it squeals in pain
Simons Mith - His love is deeper than the sea
irach - Hard to fathom , coral tough
Juxtapose - And when she walks by with a wave,
penelope - It nearly is enough eh?

Their love is something never said
Rosie - They do but gasp and grunt
Software - While intertwined in passion
Raak - Imagine a final line containing the phrase ...thrust through her... Or perhaps not.
With a Bank to Morden shunt.
Software - My love is like a teddy bear
penelope - He's bald; one eye is missing
irach - He's furry and he paws on me
Kim - And squeaks when we are kissing
Juxtapose - I wrote a letter to my love [S, p, i, K - delightful.]
Rosie - Expressing my intention
Simons Mith - Her answer came wrapped round a brick
penelope - Declaring her abstention
Rosie - My love encompasses all things
irach - All creatures great and small
Juxtapose - Except the pygmy marmoset
Raak - I don't like it at all.
Software - My love is like a boil-ed sweet
irach - It's sweet and hard and sticky
Raak - And when I suck it in my cheek
penelope - I give myself a hickey
Our love was never rash or wrong
Rosie - But rauchy, wriggly, rapt
Rosie - Er, raunchy.
irach - Now I'm covered in a itchy rash
Raak - All poxy, syphed, and clapped.
irach - My loves are lovely, dark and deep
Rosie - Consisting, as they do
Phil - Of Amelle, Jade and Heidi reveal
penelope - Tweety Pie and Wicky Woo
Software - My love is like a firework
Raak - That explodes, then fades to dark
irach - My cherry bomb has long been popped
Rosie - We did it in the park.
Juxtapose - The wisest thing I ever heard
CdM - I now will tell to you:
Rosie - When romantic'lly you've erred We await the wisdom - who's it going to be, who's it going to be?
Raak - Just hide the corpse from view.
irach - My love is like a stifled sneeze
Knobbly - Which makes your ears go pop
Kim - It's better out than in, I say
Software - So don't let your knickers drop My coat is the one at the left hand side ...
Rosie - My love is like an urban fox
penelope - A-rifling in the trash or 'bin' if you're English. You choose.
Raak - She slinks along the midnight docks
CdM - Exchanging sin for cash or vice versa if you speak Brit English
irach - My love is like a whooping crane
Software - Slender, tall, aloof
Phil - She eats raw fish for breakfast
Simons Mith - While standing on the roof
Kim - My love is like a tower crane
Raak - She stands so tall and strong
Software - Lifting bricks to dizzy heights
Rosie - As she does my dong. lovely girl
irach - My love is quite the ding dong bell (belle?)
Rosie - She says I sound her chimes
Software - We make love in the steeple
penelope - Countless, sinless times
Kim - Comme haut arbre est mon amour
Software - Ca me paraît sans fin
Rosie - Et moi, j'n'suis que minuscule
Phil - J'ai une pine, hélas, pas un pin.
irach - Mein Liebling ist eine heftige Frau
penelope - Who doesn't speak the lingo
Knobbly - But underneath her monobrow
Rosie - She thinks of naught but bingo.
nights - My chair is made of plasticine
Raak - It moulds to my own shape
Rosie - But when my cat sits on it
Software - It acts like sticky-tape
Rosie - My other chair's a Chippendale
penelope - With strong and shapely arms
Raak - It stoutly holds my nether end
Phil - While I display my charms
Simons Mith - I sit in this ejector seat
nights - Thanking heavens my hair is all neat
Software - have we slipped mode?
Phil - Well, just for one ode
penelope - Back to normal when this is complete
Knobbly - The normal service is resumed
nights - And nights feels most ashamed
penelope - That deed must never be exhumed
Phil - And no-one will be blamed
Kim - I sit in this ejector seat
penelope - With my finger poised over 'Re-Tweet'
Rosie - (pen) Whyjer do that?
penelope - Because I have flu and my brain isn't working properly... sorry. Try again...
Kim - I sit in this ejector seat
Raak - And press the big red button
Software - Alas, I'm in a 'copter
Chalky - Over Carshalton and Sutton
Rosie - I wish I were a beer mat (Chalky) :-)
Software - Soaking-up real ale
Chalky - But sadly I'm a meerkat [Rosie] ;-)
CdM - Deserted, full of fail
CdM - I wish that on the internet
Diogenes Raak - I'd find just one true thing
Software - Bat sadly there is Google
Phil - And, even worse, there's Bing
Software - I wish I were the Christmas elf [Phil] the exact line I had envisaged ;o)
irach - Who loads old Santa's sled
Raak - For after working all day long
Rosie - I get ou' me 'ead.
CdM - I wish my Christmas stocking
Raak - Were twenty-four feet long
Software - For holding my gift ladder
Chalky - And the cast of 'Desert Song'
Rosie - I wish I spoke Italian
Software - Just like old Silvio
Chalky - Coz the translation for 'stallion'
penelope - Is 'Sly Stallone' dontcha know Kapow.
Raak - I wish I were a snowflake
iracjh - All flaky, frigid, cold
Software - But I would be so delicate
Pablo - I'd crumble, truth be told.
penelope - I wish I was a skater I've never seen the Dutch get so excited about anything so much as the prospect of canal skating at the weekend. Looking less likely now, though
Raak - In frilly lycra tights
Rosie - Head down and arms a-flailing
Software - On me you'd set your sights
Juxtapose - I wish I were the evening star
Rosie - Hesperus by name Hesperus by nature. Nudge, nudge.
Software - Chuffing down to Swindon way
Chalky - To take the wall of shame

- my paternal grandmother - god rest her soul - used the phrase 'wreck of the Hesperus' on a daily basis - not really sure why. She never mentioned evening stars or Swindon environs.

Chalky - There's something 'bout a limerick
Rosie - Don't know quite what it is (Chalky)reveal
Software - P'raps it is the scansion [rosie] ;o)
irach - Or just where the wit is
CdM - This is my resolution:
Projoy - Just ten square meals a day
Raak - One hundred miles of cycling
Software - Then sell it on eBay
Rosie - I wish I were a stick of rock
Chalky - My avatar writ through
penelope - Or gothic-scribed with 'Blackpoo'[sic]
Software - But Milton Keynes will do
Software - I wish I were a Rolling Stone
Rosie - Pref'rably Sir Michael
irach - I'd proudly flaunt my rubb'ry lips
Chalky - Which daily self-recycle
penelope - I wish I was a slow, sure thaw
irach - That melts the ice and snow
Software - I'd change the ice to sogginess
Rosie - And make the rivers flow.
irach - I wish I had a shopping list
Software - To go with my fat wad
Rosie - Because I'm so impulsive
penelope - At following a fad
Chalky - It does not take me very long
Software - In fact no time at all
irach - To type into this little box
Kim - And see my words writ small
nights - I wish I was a bulldog
Raak - Of true-bred British stock
Rosie - Ugly, short and brutish ...shut up at the back...
Software - And with a squash-ed clock
Simons Mith - I've eaten too much fish and chips
Kim - To run the steeplechase
Chalky - I'm wiser just to stay indoors
Rosie - My tummy needs some space.
irach - I wish I was a haggis
Raak - In the Highlands I would roam
CdM - Hunting down the savage neeps
Rosie - For I'm no gastronome.
Software - I wish I were a skier
penelope - A-hurtling fast downhill
Rosie - A tree! I'd better veer
CdM - I wish I had the skill...
Rosie - I wish I were a molecule
irach - Bound covalently
Software - With my neutrons and my protons
CdM - Yearning to be free
irach - I wish I was Obama's dog
Kim - -ged Secretary of State
Software - Then I'd have a dogged husband
Rosie - With whom all shall mate.
Software - I wish I were the King of Hearts
Rosie - Ensconced 'tween Ace and Queen
Juxtapose - I'd give you diamonds at the club
Kim -
I think it has to be conceded that, sometimes, there simply is no last line capable of rounding off a stanza effectively.
I ask you to consider
Software - [Kim] is that a first line? I was tempted to finish it myself, though poor form as I started it. I thought that:
Just don't ask where I've been
would have worked nicely.
Rosie - What you'd do if I Assuming Kim's is a first line.
penelope - Was not the only bidder I looked at it a few times and ... gave up. But top notch, Softers. Why didn't you put it in?
Raak - For your loving eye.
irach - I wish that global warming would
Raak - Come to this frozen waste
Software - And make it just like Benidorm [pen] :o)
penelope - As tacky, lacking taste oblig
Rosie - I wish I were a bar of soap
irach - With a deodorant scent
Software - I'd caress your every orifice
Kim - Until we're both quite spent
Simons Mith - The Perry Bible Fellowship
irach - Was born in Syracuse
Software - Sometime's its just not funny giving a kick start
Rosie - Depends upon your views.
Kim - I wish I were a bible
Raak - That stopped a 357   (a bullet calibre)
Software - For then I would be holey
Rosie - And finish up in Heaven oblig.
irach - I wish I were a skating rink
Software - Of ice - not just a roller
Rosie - 'Cos then I'd look up girlies' skirts
CdM - And pray for lack of solar Mercy killing
Knobbly - The problem with computers
Simons Mith - Continually gets worse
Rosie - We shouldn't all need tutors
Chalky - Just ask the Morniverse
Software - Were I the Easter Bunny
Phil - I'd bounce and skip and play
irach - I'd dole out no coloured eggs
Raak - But only shades of grey.
Chalky - Be careful what you wish for
Kim - Upon that far-off star
irach - It could become black dwarf
Software - Or go nova - worse by far
Simons Mith - If ever you wish on a tsar
Juxtapose - Make sure that you know C.P.R. limerick?
Software - But something else will do
Chalky - So let's plump for a clerihew
Chalky - Eyjafjallajokull
FGZstar - Made all airlines look like a fool
Rosie - But now it's relented (Chalky) And here's another one.
Raak - And the CAA's rep is dented. Heard on the radio this morning, someone saying that the policy had been zero tolerance for ash, and that the level deemed safe had now been raised by a factor of 10.
Software - I wish I were a pilot
Chalky - Recently on leave
FGZstar - For I wouldn't have to fly in ash
Chalky - I'm really not naive - enough of this? I say yay.
penelope - I wish I were a shooting star
CdM - That others wish upon
Rosie - But if I land in your back yard
Software - You'll see that's just a con
Rosie - I wish I were a tea-bag
Software - Gently brewing in a pot
irach - Unmindful of the scalding
Juxtapose - Surroundings that I've got
irach - If I could walk a silly walk
Rosie - I'd join the Ministree
Simons Mith - I'd hop and lurch and high-kick twice
Juxtapose - And still not spill my tea
Kim - I'm glad I'm not a pollster
Rosie - Like Gallop, YouGov, Mori
Software - My prediction would be iffy
penelope - And punters would be sorry
Juxtapose - I wish I was a baritone
Rosie - Unlike say, Elton John
Software - Then I'd seem more manly
Kim - When taking on the Don
irach - I wish I were Mount Everest
Rosie - Five miles high and more
Software - My lofty heights are tempting
Knobbly - But your legs won't half be sore mercy killing
CdM - I wish I could show mercy
Raak - To all my enemies
Software - But I like the feel of power
irach - To see them begging on bent knees
Rosie - I wish I were a blender Blender, I said.
CdM - Filled up with lentil soup
Raak - I'd whizz and whizz and whizz and whizz
irach - Spinning leguminous goop
Simons Mith - I'm getting very lazy
Rosie - I put it down to age
Software - I think much more before I do
KagomeShuko - Because my bird escaped its cage.
irach -
irach - I drank a Bloody Mary
Rosie - I won't do that again
Giertrud - It was full of tomato juice
KagomeShuko - Alas, it had no gin.
penelope - I wish it would stop raining
Software - Assuming a missing line
penelope - I wish it would stop raining
Software - My hair is getting wet
Simons Mith - That damp-dog odour follows me
Giertrud - I smell just like a pet!
Rosie - I wish I were a business card
KagomeShuko - So slick like Fonzarelli
Juxtapose - I'd hand myself out at the pub
Software - Too bad they're watching telly
CdM - I wish I were a vuvuzela
Raak - Buzzing all day long
Rosie - 'Twould even kill Methuselah
Software - Can so many be so wrong?
irach - I wish I were on holiday
Simons Mith - Amidst the snowy peaks
Rosie - Alas I am in Basingstoke
Software - Amidst the yobs and freaks
Simons Mith - I like my pies with gravy
Raak - Deep fried with mushy peas
Rosie - Gastronomic'lly I'm cheap
Software - And not difficult to please
irach - I wish I'd put yeast in my dough
Software - My bread has gone all flat
KagomeShuko - Can water possibly make it grow?
Giertrud - Nah ... Let's stuff it with fat!
Running the line ... -
Simons Mith - Now tear along the dotted line
Rosie - At sixty miles an hour
Raak - Veer not to either left or right
Software - Just go straight full power.
Juxtapose - I wish I were a football match
Rosie - Shown on ITV
penelope - With ad breaks for consumer goods
KagomeShuko - The money'd go to me!
Simons Mith - We play the vuvuzela with
Software - With England on our mind
Raak - Just add a swannee whistle and
Raak - (Anyone for a swannee-vuvuzela performance?)
CdM - And you'll go deaf and blind    Wait. "Swannee whistle" is a euphemism, right?
Rosie - I wish I were a scarecrow
Software - Standing in a sunny field
KagomeShuko - I'd buy all the suntan lotion
Giertrud - Until everybody peeled!
Simons Mith -
The poppy fields are my domain
Raak - They earn me quite a packet
Rosie - So I'll defend them might and main
irach - Against a Cosa Nostra racket
Juxtapose - I wish I were a football
irach - Just kicked around by all
Software - Except, that is, the England team
Rosie - Or that of nearby Gaul.
Simons Mith - A football should be round and firm
Software - Just like an apricot
CdM - Which should be sweet of taste in turn
Simons Mith - – Reject it if it's not
CdM - I was sort of hoping for "Just like a football's not".

I wish you'd never shown me
irach - How not to kick that ball
Software - Then I'd not have played for England
Software - And come home with f*ck all .. moving swiftly on ...
Rosie - I wish I were a clothes peg
Raak - Clamped tightly on your knickers
penelope - A freshening breeze blows up your leg sorry sorry sorry
irach - Quite startling passing vicars
KagomeShuko - American Football's what Charlie Brown would play
Giertrud - But the ball he would kick is shaped more like an egg
Software - But Gordon Brown played rugby with an oval ball bit clunky, this
Raak - And Lord George-Brown would never budge from square leg. "Many modern poems are like bells of lead. They should tinkle melodiously, but usually they just klunk." (Dunsany) Can we tinkle a little more melodiously, please?
irach - I wish melodious tinkles would
Simons Mith - Less often splash the seat [irach] That's what you were angling for, isn't it?
Software - But sitting isn't manly
Juxtapose - When your trochees touch your feet
Rosie - I wish I were a radio mic
Software - Attached to Gordon Brown oblig.
CdM - Then I could let the whole world know
penelope - Why governments fall down mercy
I wish my suitcase would come back
Raak - From far-off Timbuktu
Software - Alas, its British Airways - from bitter experience
irach - So my bag's now in Peru
CdM - I wish I'd never mentioned
Rosie - My girl-friend to my Mum
Giertrud - As now she wants to meet her
Software - And then become her chum
Rosie - I wish I were a conker (Softers) This has happened to me in the past. It is Not Good.
CdM - A hundreder at least
Software - With n'eer a dent upon me
KagomeShuko - I'd slay the slimy beast!
Giertrud - I wish I were a croûton
irach - Dunked in hot onion soup
Software - From then I'd become soggy
Rosie - And lost in all the gloop.
penelope - I wish I was in England just got off the ferry from Hull this morning and feeling very foreign here again - but managed to use my clumsy Dutch to ask for change to use the car wash - hurrah!
irach - Drinking brown English ale
Software - Watching cricket in the rain[pen] you found someone in the Netherlands that doesn't speak English! Spraken het Netherlands has corrupted your grammar, surely it is subjunctive when one wishes ;o)
KagomeShuko - And reading The Daily Mail who lives in the United States!
Giertrud - I wish I were made of purple taffeta
Raak - All shiny and crisp on the outside, lined with pink satin I'm not sure what metre this is...some sort of pentameter it seems, in a mixture of iambs and amphibrachs
Software - I would look just like Liberace
penelope - With a flouncy bag to put my hat in And now, back to normal...
I wish it was steak pie tonight Sausages tonight. Steak pie on Thursday but I'm stewing it now and it smells delish... freezer full of imported English food, y'see
CdM - Instead it's bloody sausages A rhyming challenge, but it was forced, really.
Rosie - But with onions and mash (CdM) Yeah, forced. Chips? I dunno.
Raak - I minimise my lossages.
Software - I wish I were in Camelot
Phil - With Arthur and his pals
irach - I'd ride a steed and lance a lot
KagomeShuko - Of the "purty" gals.
Giertrud - I wish I were a cola
penelope - Instead, I'm Panda pop
KagomeShuko - I'm not the drink, I'm the game!
Software - And my scansion seems to drop
penelope - My fizz and sparkle all leached out
Raak - Upon these barren shores
Rosie - So back to Ramsgate I must sail
KagomeShuko - And clean my facial pores!
irach - I wish that flotsam didn't float
Software - And jetsam would just sink
Rosie - But water, it is just too dense
Giertrud - Though fish ne'er touch the brink!
Rosie - I wish I were a hosepipe
Software - But not while there's a drought
irach - I like to spout, not dribble
KagomeShuko - And wear my knickers inside-out!
hemline -
ImNotJohn - My water-butts are all quite full
Simons Mith - Of slime and rotting leaves
Rosie - So into it you thus must luzz
Software - Wot a tangled ryme we weaves!
KagomeShuko - There isn't time to start the day
Giertrud - The sun is still asleep
Rosie - And so am I
CdM - Deep
Simons Mith - My snore, I'm told, is very loud
KagomeShuko - I could wake the dead.
Rosie - And, alas, my other half
penelope - Takes someone else to bed sorrysorrysorry
Rosie - I wish I were the Ace of Spades (pen) Yeah, me too. Farting.
Simons Mith - For I so love to dig
irach - I'd dig for diamonds and win hearts
KagomeShuko - And spend time in the brig.
Software - I wish I were in Shangri-la
irach - Or else in Xanadu
Simons Mith - Fulham Road just ain't the same
Raak - When I am not with you.
Juxtapose - Next month I'm getting married
Kim - To my cousin's mother's brother
Software - I only really chose him
Rosie - 'Cos oldies, there's no other!
KagomeShuko - My uncle is the man I married
Software - So therefore we're both gay
irach - My step-kids are my cousins
Giertrud - And **** lots when they play! (I know...so wrong.)
KagomeShuko - These rhymes are getting pretty racy
Giertrud - We'd better tone it down.
irach - It's time for straight-laced prudence
CdM - To shed her straight-lace gown
Rosie - I wish I were a road hump
Phil - I'd slow you down for sure
Spangle - I'd mess with your suspension
Software - And shake you to the core There is a local road here where the bloody things are so high and narrow that they bottom on my gearbox - grrrrr!
Julian Clary - [Software] You can bottom on my gearbox any time
irach - I wish I were a camel's hump
Spangle - The dromedary kind
penelope - A hairy desert-crossing lump
Sierra Mike - A seat for your behind
Spangle - I wish the game of Limericks
irach - Would only need four lines
Software - Then that would save on typing
KagomeShuko - and leave time for shoeshines.
irach - I wish I were a wiener
Software - And on the Danube be
Rosie - So please don't wish my town goodnight
Spangle - We waltz til half past three
Software - I wish I were in Amsterdam
Simons Mith - Relaxing with a spliff
KagomeShuko - I'd close my eyes and take a drag
Giertrud - And chase a hippogriff.
Rosie - I wish a were Geordie (Kag S, Giert) reveal
KagomeShuko - With tons o' kegs 'o beer
Giertrud - I'd never share them with my friends
Phil - They're Southerners, thus queer! reveal
I Say, Porter! - I wish I were a Welshman
Software - Brandishing a leek
irach - I'd be "Leek King" of Casnewydd
KagomeShuko - And win races like a Greek.
Giertrud - I wish I played cassette tapes
Software - With Dolby Stereo sound
CdM - But I have just my eight-track
KagomeShuko - And half a lousy pound.
Spangle - I wish that pair would go away
irach - You know just who I mean
Phil - I think that same thought every day
Whootz - It's not the king and queen.
Giertrud - I wish a were a candlestick
KagomeShuko - Hot wax poured down my body
Software - Depilating furtively
penelope - I'd hate to be Bill Oddie oblig. What a load of rot. Can we please have some sense in limericks, if that's not an oxymoronic thing to ask?
irach - I wish I was a ninja's sword
Phil - Most dangerous to wield
Spangle - I'd snicker-snack 'til daybreak
Software - While talking to the shield
Spangle - The vole deserves a mention
Simons Mith - For its green and frugal life
irach - As also its fecundity
Software - Who'd be the vole's poor wife?
Spangle - Let's not forget the porcupine
irach - He's sharp and to the point
Software - But when it comes to making love
penelope - It takes much more than 'point and shove' point??? Also, *gets coat*
Simons Mith - Now let us praise the noble eel
Spangle - Anoint it with hot oil
Raak - Its slimy length slips down the throat
Software - To in your tummy coil
penelope - eeeeuuuuwwwww
The river bed is home to chub
irach - Chubby as chubs can be
Raak - A little maggot on a hook
Spangle - Then supper - yes sirree
Software - Now its time to talk of tench
Spangle - But not of Angelfish
irach - A tench is just a would-be carp
Raak - And makes a tasty dish.
Kim - Consider now the salmon
Darren - Which jumps upstream to spawn
Simons Mith - It has no need for smutty books
irach - Or any brains, just brawn
penelope - The cod, a northern waters type
irach - Is tasty? No, that's just hype
Software - But in its time its caused more wars
KagomeShuko - Than a baby's dirty dipe. Was struggling for a rhyme.
Giertrud - When the Northern Sea gets stormy
Simons Mith - And the fishing boats are tossed
irach - The humpback whales start singing
Rosie - As the the cod find to their cost.
Software - I wish I were a trawlerman Welcome back, Rosie
Raak - Battling the icy waves
CdM - But I am a much smaller man
Spangle - A youth who rarely shaves
irach - I wish these piranha lacked teeth
Software - So they would not scan so badly
Raak - While swimming by the Barrier Reef
Rosie - And masticating madly.
Simons Mith - The way to treat a gentleman
Phil - To keep him on his toes
Software - is to tap him on the shoulder
Spangle - And recite some bawdy prose
Spangle - A common chap, it must be said
Raak - Stands firm upon the ground
Knobbly - A baseball cap atop his head
Rosie - His belly large and round.
penelope - A man with just a bit of class (or class, depends on where you're from as to how you say it)
irach - Beats a man who just has none
Spangle - He'll play down his credentials
Software - But you'll know that you've been done
Rosie - I wish I were an aardvark oblig.
irach - Munching down on yummy ants
Spangle - Instead I'm just a card shark
ImNotJohn - Five aces in my pants
irach - I wish I were a kinkajou
Spangle - It's such a cutesy word
Simons Mith - The carcajou is just passé
Giertrud - A wolverine, I've heard.
KagomeShuko - Among the forest, lives something reveal
Raak - With twenty thousand eyes
irach - But the twenty thousand cataracts
Software - Cause twenty thousand styes
KagomeShuko - The telly has a broken screen
Raak - The rain drips through the roof
Spangle - There's dry rot in the window frames
Knobbly - And mildew on the pouffe
Spangle - I wish I had a winning line
Software - For my football pool do they still have those?
KagomeShuko - I'd keep my secret to myself
Rosie - And count my cash, and drool.
penelope - I've bloody won the jackpot!
ImNotJohn - In my office sweep
Software - I got the winning ticket
Phil - The prize? A blow-up sheep :-(
penelope - My di-ri-gi-ble ovine
Raak - Gives me a lot of fun
Rosie - Confusing all the sheepdogs
Spangle - Sensors (please excuse the pun)
Giertrud - Yesterday was my birthday
Whootz - The 27th one
KagomeShuko - Everybody ate lots of turkey
penelope - And learned how to write Glowworms
I wish I could knit sweaters
Software - Or even crochet scarves
KagomeShuko - My bottom might not be so cold
Spang - I'll not do things by halves
penel - This trend for shortening player's names
Spang - Deserves a special mensh
Ra - It makes me an Egyptian god
Ros - But I am still a wench.
Phi - I feel like I'm a little Greek
pen - Mine suits my occupation
Soft - This looks much more malible
ImNot - But I'm just a negation
Cd - Run down and slightly suspect
Ph - And suffering with acid
FG - I'm not in my element
Sp - And not much good when flassid
SW - I wish I were in Lapland
FG - With Santa and his reindeer
Spa - I'd take a curing water bath SO looking forward to the rhyme match on the last line ...
Im - To get rid of this pain, dear
Tu - It seems quite elemental
Span - To measure stuff by hand
SW - But in case of more precision
Giertrud - Use a rubber band!
KagomeShuko - For a pet, I want a unicorn
penelope - A griffon or centaur
Software - I shun such things as pussy cats
FGZstar - They leave me wanting more
Rosie - I wish I were a shovel
Raak - In a brawny stoker's hand
Software - Feeding hungry furnaces
CdM - Ah! Wouldn't life be grand!
penelope - I wish I were a Christmas pud too early?
Spangle - Made by Blumenthal
Giertrud - Maybe I'd taste really good
KagomeShuko - If made in the fall!
FGZstar - It seems the snow has cleared at last
Rosie - Or turnèd into slush
penelope - Both arms, one leg in plaster cast
Raak - Take heed: on ice don't rush!
Spangle - The honeymoon is at an end
Software - A split is on the cards
irach - He caught her in the bellboy's arms
CdM - Drinking pints and yards Nice pub, the Bellboy's
Giertrud - It seems we never take a break
KagomeShuko - From standing on our feet
Kim - Except when we are lying down
irach - Felled by the icy street
Rosie - I wish I were an asteroid
Software - Careering round in space
Kim - Waiting to be named after
irach - One of the human race
Software - I wish I were a reindeer
Spangle - I'd rein in all the deer
Rosie - I'd put vermilion on their snouts
Raak - And a tail-light on their rear.
KagomeShuko - I wish that I had Santa's sack
Software - Full of Christmas goodies
penelope - I'd give those reindeer all a smack bah humbug
Raak - Like ASBO-worthy hoodies.
Phil - I'm flippin' sick of Christmas
Rosie - How sick? That's so polite!
KagomeShuko - I've upchucked all my cookies
Spangle - On Giertrud - out of spite
Rosie - I wish I were a bottle
Software - Of moonshine or poteen
KagomeShuko - I'd upchuck all my stomach contents
Giertrud - And turn dear Spangle green. reveal
Juxtapose - It's now two-oh-eleven
irach - You had said half-past-eight
Raak - On this stairway to heaven
penelope - I hate it when you're late.
Rosie - I wish I were a blowlamp
Projoy - With a single fiery eye.
Raak - Whate'er I looked at would burn up
Giertrud - And in-stan-tally die.
KagomeShuko - I forgot to wear my underwear
Software - Commando by default
Spangle - Mercy killing I'm hopeless and I'm childish
A clueless simple dolt
penelope - I cannot make the meeting
Spangle - I'm running rather late
Software - Leaves on the line at Coulsden
Giertrud - Have really clogged the gate.
Spangle - They say we must work harder
Raak - But won't pay a penny more
irach - I've got an empty larder
CdM - And rats upon the floor
I only wish the bosses
irach - Could live on crumbs and gruel
Chalky - This may well cut their losses
Software - Or just shareholders fool
KagomeShuko - I'd rather be in Timbucktu
Raak - Unearthing ancient books
irach - Rather than be a sous chef
penelope - One of too many cooks
CdM - I say! This broth is spoiled
penelope - Waiter, can you catch this fly?
Raak - Don't worry, sir, it's boiled
Software - Never mind, I'll take the pie
Giertrud - A Broadway play on tour
KagomeShuko - Performed by English men
irach - Arrived in Pascagoula
Software - Then quickly left again
Spangle - This crossword is too cryptic
irach - It would take a cipher whiz
Software - Or that bloke that's down the pub
Spangle - Who always wins the quiz
penelope - This rumpsteak is too chewy
irach - It's made from kangaroo
Raak - It's served à la chop suey
Software - Quickly, where's the loo? [Spangle] just what I had in mind
Rosie - I wish I were a satnav Trad.
irach - Signaled by GPS
Raak - I'd have you drive right through a lake
Giertrud - and make you a big mess.
KagomeShuko - I've ne're time to play this game
Spangle - For that we're truly pleased
Software - So this line isn't really here
Phil - It's just something I sneezed
Spangle - laughs out loud
Rosie - I wish I were a sewer rat
irach - Just lolling in the muck
Software - To live in filth is de rigeur
Spangle - If fragrant you're a schmuck
mercy killing - ain't it curious how some of these little ditties just take off and others hang around like a smell on a landing ..
penelope - I wish I were a landing smell yeah... oblig.
Software - Pervading everywhere
Rosie - My sulphuretted compounds
Raak - Would announce Kilroy was there.
irach - I wish I were a poultergeist
penelope - A ghost of chickens past
Giertrud - I'd just pull off my drumsticks
Software - Then headlessly run fast
Rosie - I wish I were a tuba
Raak - With a 'normous shiny bell
Software - My basso tones will resonate
Rosie - And make your life sheer hell. This has sat here for 9 days so I've finished it myself. I wouldn't say it was a particularly difficult one.
Raak - I wish I were an endgame Time, gentlemen?
penelope - A glow-worm's final thrust
irach - The last bright glimmer in the dark
KagomeShuko - Arising from the dust
Chalky - Why kill it? It moves faster than any other game in MC5.
Chalky - I wish you'd all just go away
Phil - I know just what you mean
Software - You're really getting up my nose
Rosie - Like Elton John, great queen.
Giertrud - My phone ate the "whoops" button
Giertrud -
didn't realize we were missing our dividing line
My phone ate the "whoops" button
KagomeShuko - It thought it was delicious (this is the 2nd line - the first is "my phone at the whoops button)
Raak - It tasted of old mutton
Software - Which makes me feel suspicious
Spangle - I wish to make a statement
Simons Mith - That will edify the press:
Rosie - "I've got loads of money -
penelope - Most people have got less."
Rosie - I wish I were a paintbrush
Raak - Thrust deep in thick, thick paint
Software - I'd spread it 'cross your canvas
penelope - But an oil painting? You ain't.
Spangle - I need some inspiration
CdM - My mind has drawn a blank
Knobbly - Has anyone got any thoughts
Rosie - I did have, but they stank.
Knobbly - (Rosie has cleverly made my move look like I forgot the question mark.)
penelope - [Knobbers] That's cut-throat competitve poetry for you. Well - doggerel dogfights, anyhoo.
It's funny how your brightest thoughts
Raak - Are had while in the bath
Rosie - These musings land one in the courts (Knobbly) So you did. I've only just noticed.
(pen) Knobbers? Knobbers?? You're dir'y.
Software - If played out before a hearth Broad "a" mode.
Rosie - I wish I were a lawyer
CdM - Who travels place to place
Software - Distributing fee notes
irach - And winning every case
Rosie - I'm glad I'm not a banker
Software - For bonuses I hate
penelope - Those coins weigh down my pockets
Raak - And make me very late.
Spangle - Beware the Jabberwock my son!
irach - His eyes are all aflame
Raak - Be bold, and with your vorpal sword
Juxtapose - Restore our family name.
Spangle - This recipe for meatloaf
Raak - Needs garlic -- twenty cloves
Rosie - This means that it can stop a train
penelope - And empty it, in droves Hmmm. Maybe someone else could have done it better.
Software - I wish that I could write a verse [pen] good result given the circumstance
Spangle - In praise of paradigms
penelope - But that would clearly be peverse
Rosie - So just do one that rhymes.
penelope - I wish that I were far away
Raak - In fabled Samarkand
Phil - I'd grab a passing camel
Software - And ride across the sand
KagomeShuko - I've learned why these are called glowworms
CdM - (Though I haven't quite mastered the form)
Software - Though they're nothing like a limerick
Spangle - Nobody really notices if I add an extra beat or two - hang on, where's me mate?
penelope - So why am I a glowworm? come and have a go if you think you're hard enough
Rosie - Because, by night, you shine
Simons Mith - Your arse emits a friendly light
irach - That almost outshines mine
Rosie - I wish I were a pot-hole (irach) Er, we'll be the judge of that. :-)
Raak - To lie in wait for bikes
penelope - I lure unwary pedallers [p, R, SM, i] marvellous. And not just because it's apparently in praise of me :o)
Software - Then I leaps out and strikes
Simons Mith - Today's the day the Aintree nags
Rosie - Leap o'er Becher's Brook
penelope - And bookies take their money bags
CdM - To fill with takings took
Software - I beat the bookies at their game
penelope - My stake went on a silly name
And when the first horse passed the post
I was the one who'd won the most so sorry, it ran away with me
CdM - I wish the odds were better
Rosie - 'Gainst life's slings and arrows (pen) I hope you behaved yourself.
Software - But with the right protection
penelope - The winning margin narrows
Rosie - I wish I were a policeman
Software - Because I am power mad
Raak - My truncheon would be hard and thick
Phil - A lot like me and dad
irach - I wish I were a spotted skunk
Rosie - A weas'lly little stinker
penelope - And smell just like my grandpa stunk
Software - 'Tho I'm just a little pinker
Spangle - This break in the proceedings
Phil - Could not have been timed better
Rosie - I'll go and take some readings (mode = weather nut.)
penelope - And see if it got wetter awright, Rosie?
Rosie - I wish I were a cloudburst (pen) Das Wetter ist sehr trocken.
Raak - I'd rain all over you
Software - With splishy-sploshy raindrops
irach - As big as drops of dew
Simons Mith - The sun today is very hot
Raak - But the air is very cold
Rosie - Sunburn, frostbite, all at once
nfras - But where? You shan't be told
penelope - I'm working very hard today
Raak - At writing deathless prose
Software - I'm trying to clear my desk, you see
Rosie - Of all that is verbose.
Simons Mith - The midnight oil's all been burned
irach - Adding to greenhouse gases
Rosie - The textbook pages have been turned
Giertrud - By studious lads and lasses.
nfras -
The time has come for all good men
Raak - To join in our just cause
penelope - And if we find agreement, then
Software - We'll campaign to change the laws
nfras - Good women too, are needed here
KagomeShuko - They add that feminine touch
Kim - As long as they don't get ideas
penelope - And wear the trousers much *steams*
Rosie - I wish I were a referee (pen) Not surprised. Get some water in the boiler - quick.
Software - I rule with rod of steel
CdM - Don't hesitate to show the red
KagomeShuko - If the goalie's not genteel.
Simons Mith - The linesman has an easy job
Rosie - He types <hr> and lo!
Software - A new fresh piece of webpage
Knobbly - Let creative juices flow!
penelope - The policeman's lot is happy
Software - As kettling he doth go
Rosie - He views the world as crappy
Phil - He's act'lly right, you know.
CdM - The marks are all submitted
irach - The final grades are in
Raak - The students are all failing
Software - Their careers are in the bin
Rosie - If I were Occam's Razor
Simons Mith - I'd only have one blade
Raak - The epiphytes of reason
CdM - Expediently flayed
penelope - If I were that much shorter
Simons Mith - Then I wouldn't bump my head
Rosie - But six foot four-and-a-quarter
Giertrud - I can't fit in my bed!
KagomeShuko - I wish a were a piece of gum
CdM - Stuck underneath a desk
Rosie - I'm bioindestructible
irach - And truly look grotesque
Simons Mith - A blob of primal bubble gum
Software - With plastic spider in
Rosie - Oh dear, am I in trouble, mum?
CdM - For ruining your gin? mercy killing
Rosie - I wish I were a tapeworm
Raak - As some have done before
irach - I'd sink my suckers in your gut
Phil - And have a proper gnaw
CdM - I wish I hadn't started
Simons Mith - To paint this flipping bridge
nights - My arms are jolly tired
Software - And all bitten by a midge
Giertrud - I wish I were a cheesecake
KagomeShuko - Covered in blueberries
Software - Served with Cornish clotted cream
Raak - And on the top some cherries.
Rosie - Or some fruit or other from Waitrose in Didcot which is even posher than Newbury's. What a complete pile of crap.
penelope - I used to have ambition
Rosie - Me too; I now know better
Software - Why bother when there's someone else
CdM - Who's more of a go-getter
Kim - I'll never give up trying
nights - I'll always do my best
CdM - OK, OK, I'm lying
Software - Glad I got that off my chest
Rosie - I wish I were a penguin
Knobbly - I can't quite fathom why
irach - I'd be waddling in the bitter cold
Raak - Under a shelterless sky.
CdM - I wish I knew the reason
Raak - My nose keeps falling off
Software - Though it really only happens
Rosie - When I stick it in the trough.
Tuj - I wish I knew what I should do
Software - But I am now in despair
Raak - If only I could find a clue
cfm - But I've looked everywhere.
Gary Linemaker -
Kim - I'm glad I'm not a bidet
cfm - It's a rather thankless position
Rosie - I sluice away the products
irach - Of a person's bottom section
Simons Mith - I love my little lobster
Rosie - Jayne Mansfield is her name
cfm - She will not lie or rob, sir
irach - And she's not a crabby dame
cfm - I used to count on fingers
Rosie - But now we all use digits
Software - With bits and bytes I get confused
Raak - And nybbles give me fidgets.
Kim - While seated at the organ [Rosie] Up went the lobsters, Boiinnng!
Rosie - I played a Bach cantata (Kim) Those infernal crustaceans.
CdM - The coda it was foregone
cfm - Like sex in Lysistrata.
Simons Mith - The Big Bad Wolf is at the door
cfm - I heard his Big Bad howl
penelope - I'm curled up on the Big Bad floor
Rosie - With Big Bad Tessa Jowell. Tess y diawl ( = Tess the devil).
Software - I wish I were a Murdoch Hack
Rosie - Gath'ring lies and muck
cfm - I'd rake it in a heinous stack
penelope - And print it. What the f*ck.
Rosie - I wish I were a grease gun Pe-NE-lopeh, really! Nice one, BTW.
Raak - To lube your balls of steel
cfm - A dollop just might ease one
penelope - But I'd have to check and feel the showerproof trench in lilac... thanks
CdM - I wish I were connected
KagomeShuko - Like the Internet at home
Software - I'd have my own IP address
Rosie - Like private-eye@gnome.reveal
cfm - I wish I had some glasses
penelope - To pour us all a drink
Rosie - Then we'd start making passes
Software - At penelope we'd wink you know you like it, really ;o)
cfm - Once, I winked at a poet
Rosie - I bet it were Ian MacMillan
penelope - I wondered how you'd know it
As he's not exactly thrillin' sorrysorrysorry
Rosie - I wish I were a drawing pin
Raak - Dropped point-up on the floor
Tuj - I'll lurk there 'til your unshod feet
cfm - Learn what a pin is for.
Simons Mith -
The Purpose of the Noble Pin
Simons Mith - [cfm] More good stuff! The pin and the Lysistrata ones are two of my recent favorites.
CdM - Is simple to explain:
cfm - It pricks, it pierces, burrows in
irach - To produce instant pain
cfm - They tried to pin it on me
Simons Mith - And I gave a girlish shriek
Giertrud - As my plasma went free
KagomeShuko - I started feeling weak.
penelope - I started Monday morning
ImNotJohn - With a song apon my lips
Raak - By Friday afternoon at 5
cfm - 'Twas settled on my hips.
irach - My bagpipe playing will improve
cfm - Whenever I quit smoking
Simons Mith - I put a gasper down each drone (gasper n. cigarette)
Rosie - The Scots, they think I'm joking.
penelope - [i, cfm, SM, R] Very satisfying, that last one - because of use of the word 'gasper', and also because of the cruelty to bagpipes.
It's all done, bar the shouting
cfm - And even that's diminished
Tuj - So, when you're done with pouting
Puckoon - this rhyme, they say, is finished.
I'll raise a glass to one and all
Software - A worthy toast it is
penelope - To this quite splendid cannonball
ImNotJohn - A long draught of Bucks Fizz
one-liner -
Chalky - My first appears in sun and rain - solve the word puzzle - can we make this work?
Phil - The next in ears and nose.
CdM - My third in fourth but not in fifth
irach - My fourth in drawers not hose
Simons Mith - The time to buy some posher plonk (crossing over from the limerick game here)
cfm - Is the time when you have money
Software - Then with winish snobbery
ImNotJohn - Serve it mixed with honey (I don't like them dry wines)
Chalky - 'Twas on a bright September morn
Raak - When I met my true love
Projoy - But then the teacher caught us
Software - As I began to shove Coat!
Rosie - I wish I were the author
Phil - Of some fine erotic verse
cfm - I'd win you -- first with subtle rhymes
Software - Then something more perverse
KagomeShuko - There's something big and hairy there.
Rosie - Rebekah Brooks it is
Giertrud - She shares a hairdo with Shaun White
cfm - When it rains, it tends to frizz
CdM -
I wish I had completed
Phil - What I set out to do
Rosie - Alas, I was defeated
irach - By black magic and voodoo
KagomeShuko - I wish I had a flower pot
CdM - To place upon my roof
Raak - Amongst the tiles and slates, it's bloom
cfm - Would brighten, fade, then...poof!
CdM - I wish the zombie at my door
Phil - Would kindly bugger off
cfm - He visited me once before
Kim - And all my brains did scoff
Chalky - :^)
Chalky - I have a small confession
Software - 'bout a weakness that I have
cfm - I have sworn off the repression
Phil - But deep down I'm just a chav.
Tuj - I wish that I was ten feet tall That zombie one was excellent =)
Raak - I'd look down on the throng.
Giertrud - Then they would look up at me
Software - And dangle from my thong
cfm - I called and left a message
CdM - That said please call me back
Tuj - I guess you didn't hear it
ImNotJohn - Or you've given me the sack
cfm - I wish I were a sack of spuds
Phil - Wilja, Queens or Roosters
Chalky - Producing enough biofuel
irach - To launch two rocket boosters
penelope - I wish I was on top of things
cfm - I'd be a happenin' dude
Raak - My minions toiling down below
CdM - Would be completely screwed
Tuj - I wish I had a bushy beard
cfm - I'd stroke it thoughtfully
Software - And in it I'd collect stale food
Phil - For when there's naught for tea.
Tuj - I wish I had a fine moustache
Chalky - To hide my crooked lip
cfm - I wouldn't fake with chimney ash
Software - In case my nose did drip
Tuj - I wish I had big sideburns on we go...
penelope - Like 'Elvis mutton chops'
Raak - I'd wag them fiercely in your face
cfm - Until you called the cops.
The thin blue line -
Simons Mith - My blue suede shoes are rather tight
cfm - My sparkly pants are, too
Software - My hips are arthritic now
irach - But Hound Dog, I love you
cfm - Oh, to live with floppy ears
Software - Like HRH the heir
Chalky - Which makes no sense to most of us
So shall we leave it there?
penelope - Let's have no nonsense. Careful now.
cfm - Mother's watching, you see.
CdM - The scansion is just hard, there, and it seems to have stalled us. May I offer a slight rewrite?

penelope: Let's have no nonsense. Careful now.

cfm: Mother's watching us.

CdM: So take it easy, Mrs Peel

Software - Get it done - no fuss
CdM - I need some information
Raak - That is hid in antient tomes
Botherer - It's all about the height of dwarves
cfm - And religious views of gnomes.
: -
Chalky - If I was blessed with hindsight
Raak - I'd know my bum was clean
irach - Alas, I'm no contortionist
penelope - And so it goes unseen
Botherer - The trouble with solicitors
Software - Hang on, where do I start?
KagomeShuko - My phone is ringing off the hook
Giertrud - It rings each time I fart.
Software - I wish I were a carpenter
irach - You'd see that I can saw
KagomeShuko - I'd take out my nice big tool
penelope - And drop you through the floor assuming it's a wooden floor
I wish I were a foolish maid Brains? What are they good for? They only get you into trouble and create more work.
Botherer - A-milking foolish cows
Software - Flirting with a scurvy knave
cfm - And more, as time allows.
Raak - I wish I were not at this desk
Botherer - At this ungodly hour
penelope - This corp'rate life is too grotesque
Software - Except for those with power
KagomeShuko - Brains are just a waste of space
Giertrud - And so are dirty socks
cfm - But well-coiffed whiskers on one's face
penelope - Can cover up one's pocks
Chalky - It only takes a second to ... - usa
Raak - Say "thank you" now and then
Software - Manners maketh man you know
Giertrud - But banging maketh MEN!
Giertrud -
Phil - I wish I were a mermaid
cfm - My shimmery tail would swish
Software - Enticing foolish sailors
irach - Who yearn women that smell like fish
cfm - Calypso on her island
Kim - Conceals her true intent
irach - Her penchant for fresh crabmeat
Botherer - To mask that fishy scent
Giertrud - If I were a door knocker
CdM - I'd want a change of job
Software - I'd be shiny, bold as brass
Raak - And be a polished knob.
cfm - Behold this knob of butter
CdM - Behold this cob of corn
Raak - The use for these is obvious
Phil - Now, let's go make some porn
Software - I wish I were a porn star
Chalky - Is the title of a book
CdM - I've seen the author's photo
penelope - It wasn't worth the look
I wish I were a smuggler
Software - I'd deal in contraband
KagomeShuko - Forget parades and celebrations
Giertrud - My wares are much too grand.
irach - I wish my nose were bulbous
Software - Karl Maldenesque, indeed
cfm - I'd snore with improved resonance
penelope - My breath it would impede mercy killing...
cfm - Have mercy on the graceless
CdM - The faceless and the lost
KagomeShuko - For without eyes they cannot see
Giertrud - And mouthless, cannot floss.
Raak - I wish I was a haggis
KagomeShuko - But fried instead of simmered.
irach - With my buddies neeps and tatties
cfm - On pure white plates that glimmered.
nights -
Let he who is without sin cast
Raak - A blessing on this place
Software - For purity is rare indeed
CdM - And we could use some grace
cfm - I wish I had pink toe shoes
Giertrud - And a pink tutu as well
Simons Mith - I'd prance across the try line
Software - Oh how I wish I was a gel
Raak - It only takes a little snip
Phil - To right those years of wrong
cfm - To redirect each errant ship
Software - And invert that manly dong Coat!
nights - The thickest mist has envelopèd
cfm - My normally robust brain
Rosie - And thus it has developèd
Phil - To drizzle, then light rain. reveal
Software - I'm glad I'm not Italian [Where's you bin, Rosie?]
irach - I'm not a fan of gnocchi
Knobbly - Focaccia brings me out in hives
Rosie - Like Berlusconi's cock(y). (Softers, Phil(th)) Avoiding irritation and the consequent hypertensive stress and the casting of heavy objects at the screen. However, this place is addictive.
Raak - I wish I were a hedgehog
Phil - All cute, but rather prickly reveal
Software - I'd take care while crossing roads
irach - Or I'd meet my Maker quickly
Rosie - I wish I were a filament
cfm - Or something just as tenuous
Tuj - This constant need for intro lines
penelope - Is getting rather strenuous Oblig.
I wish that I could start anew
Raak - And be sixteen again
cfm - I wouldn't have a single clue
Software - But sex would be the same
Tuj - I wish I knew just what to do
penelope - In high-class situations
Software - My knowledge of such etiquette
Rosie - Is scant, and strains relations.
CdM - I wish I could convince you
Rosie - That rats and voles and foxes
irach - Lack pouches like a kangaroo's
CdM - So keep their young in boxes  Poor form to post twice in the same verse, but it just seemed right.
Rosie - I wish my next-door neighbour
Phil - Would leave her curtains open
Tuj - My TV isn't working [CdM] Sometimes you just know what has to be done. We've all been there
irach - So I'm sittin' here just mopin'
Raak - I wish the cold would go away
Simons Mith - And visit Timbuctu
cfm - Cos then, I could just throw away
Software - This useless cure for 'flu
cfm - I wish I were the antidote
Phil - To all things good and pure
Rosie - Just read The Sun and take it in
penelope - Then don't read any more.
cfm - Detaching burrs from dog fur
Raak - Is a fine career for all!
CdM - It's advertised on craigslist
Simons Mith - For it's best to start off small
Simons Mith - To find a pleasant country home
irach - One must search far and wide
CdM - While if you want a council flat
cfm - Let caution be your guide
CdM - I wish I were a rock star
irach - Like Freddie M of Queen
Rosie - I'd give myself a pseudonym
Phil - Like "Prince" or "Mr Bean"
Software - I wish I were a comic
cfm - Ironic and profane
Rosie - With fortune astronomic
irach - And a demeanour insane
Rosie - I wish I were a member
cfm - But I can't afford the dues
CdM - And also I was blackballed
penelope - For having muddy shoes
cfm - A friend of mine once told me
Raak - She was born on Ganymede
Rosie - By Jove, she's Galilean
Giertrud - And rides a martian steed.
KagomeShuko - I wish that I were liquid
Software - I'd then go with the flow
cfm - And if I had a quick wit
irach - Be quicksilver on the go
KagomeShuko - My horse has lost his whinny
CdM - And worse than that, its neigh
Rosie - It's gone mute, poor hinny
Software - That's all there is to say
cfm - A cat has got my horse's tongue
Raak - And ate the whole thing down
irach - And now her caterwaul sounds hoarse
Chalky - Which makes the neigh-bores frown.
Rosie - I wish I were a diction'ry (Chalky, last one) Gracefully terminated at long last.
cfm - My life would have such meaning!
irach - I'd never be at a loss for words
Chalky - They call it verbal preening ... which seems to be stalling the natural flow of this game [Ta Rosie]
penelope - I'd hate to be a pinko *ducks*
Rosie - 'Cos all my friends are Tories
cfm - And doubtless they would think, "Oh..."
Software - "never mind those dodgy stories" mercy killing
Rosie - I wish I were a carving knife
irach - I'd slice the Christmas ham
KagomeShuko - My cuts would all be fancy
Giertrud - the best of them just glam!
penelope - I wish it was still Nineteen Ten only because it scans and might have a rhyme
Raak - When I was just a tot
Chalky - My dear Mama was nineteen then
Rosie - But me, I'd seen the lot.
cfm - I wish it were tomorrow
irach - And not just half-past-eight
Darren - Because I will be given
Merlyn - A purple, wrought-iron gate
cfm - I wish today would never end
Raak - Tomorrow I get hung
cfm - [Raak] LOL
Rosie - And well hung I hope you'll be (Raak) Did you mean hanged?.
Darren - When from the rope we're swung
KagomeShuko - I need a way to make this clean
Phil - And free from filthy canker
cfm - Lest I be charged with lechery
Chalky - And told to leave Sri Lanka
Rosie - I wish I were a drawing pin Last one v. good, esp. Chalky
Raak - Point-up upon a chair
Chalky - To prick the pompous arses when ... Ta Rosie :)
penelope - I feel their derriere TVM. A gift.
CdM - I wish I were a guinea pig [Darren] Did you mean swanged?
Darren - Caged up in a lab [CdM] That's the sort of thing Google usually says to me.
Rosie - Warm and cosy, drugs galore
penelope - Doesn't that sound fab?
Chalky - I wish I had a horse and plough
Darren - And maybe one small field
irach - I'd have a place to sow wild oats
cfm - Before my fate was sealed
Phil - I wish I had a quiet weekend [Chalky] "Sri Lanka" - excellent :-)
irach - Sailing the Aegean sea
Giertrud - I'd sail inside a giant yacht
KagomeShuko - Just, I, myself, and me.
penelope - Some lovely glow-worms recently, goed gedaan
I wish the housework did itself
cfm - While I snoozed 'neath the covers
Raak - My Roomba, Scooba, REEM, and Nao
irach - Cleaning up during their hovers
Tuj - I wish I had another arm
cfm - I'd hug you even tighter
Darren - And when you were relaxed and calm
penelope - I'd box your ears, you blighter. Confused messages. Keep 'em on their toes
Chalky - The answer to this anagram
Darren - Is "Awesome tartan thrashing"
Software - I've solved it here's the answer:
CdM -
Software - I've solved it! Here's the answer question:
CdM - O what's a reet rant mashing?
CdM - Footnote 1: @Darren Yes, I did see what you did there
Footnote 2: @Software Apologies for taking that liberty with your line
Footnote 3: "rant" (Scots dialect, stretching usage just a bit) = merry, wild
Darren - [CdM] Yeah, as soon as I posted it I realised I'd screwed up the poem. It would have been better to try for it on line 4. Still, onwards and upwards.
CdM -
The answer to this anagram
O what's a reet rant mashing?...
What that means is anger or
Awesome tartan thrashing
Darren - Now there's class.

I wish I had a snooker cue

Chalky - I'd pot a ball or two ... admirable work on last one, Darren and CdM :-)
Kim - For those watching in black and white
Raak - I'll pot the pink, then blue.
irach - I wish my head was screwed on right
cfm - Alas, it's set askew
Chalky - So please ignore my curious stance
Kim - On quitting the EU
penelope - I wish you'd stop your robbing banks
Software - For making themselves rich
Chalky - And why am I still firing blanks?
penelope - My snip still needs a stitch (A merciful seeing off, sorry Chalks)
Chalky - Thanks pen - was wondering how to 'do the double' and get rid of the darned thing myself ..
Chalky - I wish my current deadline
Raak - Was twenty weeks away
Software - But sadly I am overdue
irach - From the 21st last May
Software - I wish I were just virtual
Kim - Instead of flesh and bone
irach - I'd feed off Apple- Macintosh
penelope - And leave the cakes alone Funny how the line comes to you after five days or so...
KagomeShuko - I wish I mashed potatoes
Raak - The way my mother did
cfm - Some subtle twisting of the wrist
Software - Then mix in puréed squid
Phil - I wish that I lived closer
Kim - to Kingston-upon-Hull
penelope - Right now I live near Worcester
irach - Where life's just dross and dull
cfm - Oh how I wish this Valentine
Phil - That I were wed, not single
Raak - When I am 80 who will care
Darren - To share my final Pringle?
CdM - ... Because, when all the chips are down [Darren} Nice.
penelope - You know who you can trust
Raak - Not gold, nor crown, nor any thing
cfm - But you can rely on lust.
Software - I wish it weren't leap year
irach - Have to work an extra day
Phil - To make it worse, it's New Year's Eve,
Software - At least that's months away apologies for the double entry, couldn't pass it up
cfm - It takes a leap of faith
Raak - To cross the gorge of doubt
CdM - Or so the parson saith
irach - To prove one is devout
CdM - I wish it weren't so quiet
Phil - I really, really do
cfm - For if I could hear a whisper
Software - I may just talk to you
Chalky - I wish to make a statement
irach - That's short and bold and true
cfm - ....: There will be an abatement
penelope - While I am on the loo sorrysorrysorry
Raak - While sitting in the smallest room
Tuj - I think my largest thoughts
Phil - And sometimes I might fall asleep
irach - Enthroned on chamberpots
Kim - The thing with toilet humour
Tuj - Is it's easy to pooh-pooh
irach - The top reasons- numbers one and two
Software - You first must use the loo
KagomeShuko - There wasn't any questioning
Giertrud - Of the first suspect in queue
Raak - The second, third, and fourth went by
irach - But now we'll question you
Software - I wish I were in Dixie
Raak - In past subjunctive mood
irach - Meetin' y'all and eatin' grits
Darren - And other Southern food
Kim - Sing Glory Hallelujah!
irach - And praise the Lord as well!
Raak - Then buckle on your Bible belt
penelope - This ark's rocking like hell.
Software - And take the road to Hell
Software - Drat simulpost, ah well ...

I'm reeling from the budget

ImNotJohn - I don't know how I'll pay
cfm - I guess I'll have to fudge it
Phil - And clear my debts some day.
penelope - This most delightful weather Can you really tell that I'm English?
Software - Surely cannot last [pen] how about me, then?
Raak - The only question's whether
cfm - The storm comes slow or fast
Kim - In Spring, a young man's fancies
irach - Are the same as Summmer's and Fall's
cfm - The Susies and Jennies and Nancies
Software - Will just kick him in the balls ... coat! ..
penelope - At weekends I like lazing
Raak - With tea and chocolate biccs
Software - Just sitting in my armchair
Phil - In a bra and lacy knicks Least said, soonest mended
Chalky - ... mended. [Made me chuckle, mind]
Chalky - I'd love to take a holiday
Phil - To Margate I shall go
penelope - With thermal vest and woolly socks
Chalky - And bucketloads of dough ... sorry - greedy greedy me taking another line
Kim - Returning to the office,
Chalky - He found his desk had gone
Phil - "The second time this week!" he thought
Raak - "Just what is going on?"
CdM - He went to see the Bureau Chief
Kim - Demanding explanation
cfm - Insisting that he catch the thief
Phil - Or tend his resignation.
CdM - The Bureau Chief was unimpressed
ImNotJohn - And quickly sent him packing
Chalky - The office cleaner then confessed
penelope - She'd sent the desk for stacking
Kim - The cleaner hadn't realised
Chalky - That desks were custom-built
CdM - Stacking, it could be surmised
cfm - Produced an ominous tilt
Phil - The Chief sought out this listing stack
Chalky - And made a bold decision
Software - Even though he knew his staff
cfm - Would meet it with derision
CdM - "We'll make a matching stack of chairs
Phil - Just there, beside the door
penelope - And when the workforce grows in size
Raak - They'll sit upon the floor."
Chalky - *is almost afraid to add to the 6 stanzas above which appear to have auto[Raak]-completed with stark yet exquisite simplicity*
And as no-one else has waded in - shall we leave it as it is?
cfm - They'll all join hands and sing a song
Phil - Of how, in days gone by,
penelope - The desks were stacked, quite out of reach
ImNotJohn - And we'll all wonder why....
Kim - But suddenly the bottom desk
Software - Slipped right out of line
Phil - The bureau chief was heard to shout,
Chalky - "Stand back - that one is mine!"
Kim - And then, with a tremendous crash
CdM - (Preceded by a rumbling)
Software - The pile of office fur-nit-ure
Chalky - On his head came a-tumbling. - oops
CdM - The moral of our sorry tale
Phil - Will soon become quite clear
irach - For stacking wobbly desks is fraught
cfm - With risk to one's career.
Phil - Thank God! The chief was only bruised
Chalky - And bounced back with panache
Software - He said "I'll sack the silly fool"
cfm - And sneered 'neath his moustache.
Phil -
So what would be the cleaner's fate?
Rosie - Would she just lose her rag?
Software - No, this char is far too cool
Chalky - And sneaks out for a fag.
CdM - But when she steps outside the door
Software - The nasty boss is waiting
Phil - "How dare you stack those desks", he booms
Chalky - With tone harsh and berating
Rosie - The tangled heap of fallen desks
Phil - Lies just inside the door
Software - The cleaner is defiant
irach - She won't take it any more
Software - "You can stick your desks," the cleaner cries
Rosie - "Somewhere the sun don't shine"
CdM - "Like in the basement storage room"
penelope - "Where I must work from mine!" echoes of 'Office Space' here. I expect the next verse will be about TPS reports. Mmm-yeh.
CdM - The moral of our sorry tale
cfm - Is: sometimes rhymes persist
Chalky - #stackgate was an #epicfail
Phil - I fear it won't be missed
Chalky - I wish I had a cucumber
Raak - And fine sliced white bread too
cfm - I'd make the blandest sandwich
Phil - Then flush it down the loo.
Software - I'm glad I'm using wholemeal bread
Rosie - The white stuff's bland and sickly
Chalky - This boring glow worm needs an end
Please someone do it QUICKLY!
Sorry RoseWare - 1 out of 10 on the interesting scale :)
Chalky - Portmanteau words are all the rage
cfm - Where would brands be without them!
Rosie - They're everywhere this day and age He started it, miss.
Software - 'Cos advertisers shout 'em
Raak - I must see my accountant!
penelope - The numbers make no sense!
Software - They all appear to be in red
ImNotJohn - But for this fifty pence.
Rosie - I wish I were a molecule
cfm - Something nice like AYTCH TOO OH
penelope - >b>Instead, I'm an electron
nights - And my life is filled with woe.
Raak - The wily Questing Beast's afoot
Software - So hide behind the sofa
Phil - And if it nears, just raise your boot
Rosie - But not if it's a loafer.
irach - God particles are hard to find
cfm - Without acceleration
penelope - But scientists of true heart and mind
Chalky - Might use exaggeration
Juxtapose - I wish I was a Boson-Higgs
Phil - E'er since I were a lass
Software - I've always wanted much more weight
Rosie - To look like like Mama Cass.
penelope - [J, P. S, R] I laughed out loud.
I'm glad I'm not a molecule
Simons Mith - With too much dipole moment
Rosie - I'm methane, constituent of farts Glad I'm not the only chemical anorak here.
Software - That's the odorous component
Rosie - I wish I were a microwave
Raak - From space at 3°
penelope - I'd get inside your woolly socks
Phil - And mutilate your knees
Simons Mith - The gamma Higgs neutrinalo
Software - Is mighty hard to find
irach - It makes quick rounds, like a gigalo
Chalky - And leaves no trace behind
cfm - I wish that I spoke physicist
Simons Mith - I'm sure it's quite a lark
Software - With acronyms and symbols
CdM - Based on the lighter quark*


*Forced ("Flavourful mesons are mesons made of pair of quark and antiquarks of different flavours. The rules are simpler in this case: the main symbol depends on the heavier quark, the superscript depends on the charge, and the subscript (if any) depends on the lighter quark.")
cfm - I've got bells that jingle jangle
Raak - On my one-horse sleigh Are we in the run-up to Christmas already?
Software - They really get upon my tits
Rosie - And think of the poor dray.
Phil - I wish that I was sozzled
Software - Completely out my tree
Raak - Because I cannot bear to face
Botherer - Enforced sobriety
Rosie - I wish I weren't so flatulent
cfm - I'd have a lot more friends
Software - 'Cos my windy smelly ways
CdM - Some clearly are not even worth a mercy killing
I wish I could run really fast
Phil - Just like that West Indian sprinter
Rosie - I'd always be first, not last
Software - But my wooden leg would splinter
penelope - I wish I could swim really well
Simons Mith - Through Heinz Tomato Soup
Rosie - An Olympian vision of Hell
irach - Backstrokes through crimson goop
Software - Well, now the games are over
Raak - And life resumes its course
Kim - Get ready for the football
Rosie - And prepare for a divorce.
Tuj - I'm sleeping less than well [S,R,K,R] Very nice! Reminds me to be thankful Mrs Tuj and I share a sports addiction
Rosie - I toss and turn all night Shut up at the back.
Raak - I need no waking bell
Software - But then I'm less than bright
nights - If I screw up my eyes and dangling preposition alert
cfm - Put on some glasses
Raak - This looks like a haiku. Sorry, but I just can't get the previous lines to scan as anything.
cfm - Created by asses.
Simons Mith - [cfm] Superb last-minute addition. Have a crisp! In fact, have several.

The road outside is melting

Rosie - To a treacly noisy goo
Raak - And now the rain is pelting [cdm] Well saved!
Botherer - Right, God, I'm going to sue
Software - The weather's not improving
Rosie - It's staying much the same
Raak - There's not much else to talk about
Tuj - Let's get back to the game.
CdM - I wish I were the Lord your God
irach - And not have horns or tail
Phil - I'd give you all a healthy prod
gil - To make you weep and wail.
Software - I'm more inclined to devilment
cfm - Than angels on my shoulder
irach - Hell's perfect for a barbeque
Rosie - You'll be there when you're older.
penelope - I wonder if the ketchup's hot?
CdM - And if the chili's cold [SciR] Excellent.
cfm - And are the dogs room temperature
Rosie - And free of worms and mould.
Software - I wish I were a pearly king
Kim - And you a pearly queen
irach - The world would be our oyster then
penelope - We're dressed in Crimplene
cfm - I wish I had a ticket
gil - To Cleopatra's wedding
Kim - The guest list is to die for
Rosie - The bride, though, is for bedding.
CdM - I wish someone had told me
cfm - To add some baking powder
penelope - My tater-cakes are flat and wet
I'm left with onion chowder sorry sorry sorry - but it's culinarily feasible.
gil - I dropped my iPhone in the pond
irach - It's crossed to cell phone Valhalla beyond
Software - This sounds like a limerick
But we really should stick
To the Haiku of which we're all fond
Software - let's restart:
I dropped my iPhone in the pond
Rosie - To test the maker's claim
Phil - I urge you to do likewise
Kim - But I won't take any blame
CdM - I wish I had asked Siri
Giertrud - How to marinate pig's feet
Software - To feed to my dear mother
irach - And get her back in heat
Giertrud - The last three lines of this poem
CdM - (No, make that the last two)
irach - Extoll both xylem and phloem
CdM - (In fact, one line will do)
Apologies for the double post
penelope - That last rhyme can't be beaten Oh... *swoons with being so impressed at the last one*
Software - For such exotic flair
Phil - It's Heston to my Mrs Beeton
Rosie - Such verbal skill is rare.
Phil - I wish I were a lady
Software - Feminine and coy reveal
cfm - Cuz lovely, lacy underthings
Raak - I can't wear as a boy. Hmm...
Raak - Be bold, tear up convention!
Kim - Ride roughshod thru' the rules
Software - just throw caution to the wind
Rosie - And bomb all public schools.
Software - I wish I could be sexy
penelope - Without cosmetic ops
Raak - The fakes are never quite as good
Botherer - Beneath those see-through tops
Simons Mith - I wear my teddy with aplomb
Giertrud - Other fruits just will not do.
Botherer - Not greengage, damson, mume or plum
Software - Oh! Too many plums tha' noo!
irach - i wish my apricots were prunes
Raak - All wrinkly, black and blue
Rosie - They get things moving, so they say
Software - Excuse me, where's the loo?
Phil - I Wish it weren't so windy
Kim - Around my nether parts
Raak - A kilt's a rather draughty thing
Rosie - And helps disperse my farts. oblig.
Kim - The Feast of St. Narcissus [Rosie] I set 'em up...
Botherer - Is a very sombre time
Software - Staring into mirrors
irach - Believing you're divine
CdM - My god, but I am awesome
Kim - In every single way
Juxtapose - But most of all, I'm humble
Rosie - Whatever people say.
cfm - I went to see the doctor
Rosie - About my indigestion
Raak - He said I really oughter
gil - Ask the cook that question.
CdM - I went to see the dentist
Phil - My gums were red and sore
Raak - So he extracted all my teeth
Rosie - It cost a grand and more.
Simons Mith - According to my therapist
Kim - I have to face my fears
Software - To banish all my demons
Rosie - I must kill Wackford Squeers.
CdM - I went for acupuncture
Raak - Got stung for fifty pounds
irach - The puncturist was quite a prick
Software - And stabbed me out of bounds
Phil - I wish my back was better
Raak - At lifting kegs of beer
CdM - My whistle would be wetter
penelope - We'd all have more to cheer. A sad tale
Rosie - I wish I were an urban fox
cfm - Tattered, torn and haggard
Raak - Running free through dales and fells
Software - Is not my scene you've gathered
Raak - I wish I were redundant
Rosie - (At least from my employment) We need you. :-)
Software - And with my mighty severance pay We hope
Simons Mith - Whole seconds of enjoyment
Software - I so wish it weren't Christmas
penelope - Well, it ain't. Not yet.
Rosie - Ignore it; it'll go away
cfm - And you'll stay out of debt
Phil - I wish that I were wealthy
Raak - I'd chuck the job and go
Rosie - And shag the arse off Polly Toynbee
cfm - Because I love her so
penelope - I've just forked out for winter tyres
CdM - For soon I will be going
Phil - To places where the snow is deep
Software - And the Glühwein will be flowing :o)
penelope - New week, new rhyme - or so they say
Kim - Whoever they may be
Raak - Calliope and all the rest
CdM - Are good at poetree
Phil - I wish it weren't so frosty reveal
Raak - My nose has fallen off
Rosie - And as for other organs
penelope - I'm trying not to cough
CdM - I wonder if the Mayans
Software - Had ever really thought
penelope - About those 'Best Before' dates
Rosie - And bollocks nonsense of that sort.
penelope - The Mayans have predicted tempting fate
Raak - The world's about to end
CdM - And on the twentysecond
Software - We'll all just spend, spend, spend. Well, why not?
Phil - It must be time for beer by now
Kim - Or mulled wine at the least
Juxtapose - I've waited nearly half an hour
cfm - I am a thirsty beast.
Software - Hurrah! The hols are almost here
Raak - And I've skived off already (I wish)
penelope - I've finished working for the year
cfm - And I'm reading Ferlinghetti
CdM - I wish I had spent Christmas Day
Raak - Working overtime for treble pay
cfm - Then with the money I'd defray
Raak - (Oops, I mistook this for a limerick.)
Rosie - The cost of booze in Whitley Bay.
cfm - I have a wish for the coming year
Phil - It's really rather silly
Rosie - That I should give up drinking beer
Software - I'd rather lose my willy
Juxtapose - I wish I were a Hobbit
Raak - With huge and hairy feet
penelope - Or p'raps Lorena Bobbit I've considered not playing that line, but I don't think that I should
Phil - With a penchant for sliced meat - Let's move swiftly on, while I cross my legs gingerly
Rosie - I wish I were a cat's eye
penelopipad - I watch upon the road
Software - For the erring motorist
Raak - Lest he by Death be mowed.
penelope - I wish I were a carrier bag
Rosie - A proper one, not plastic
Software - I'd bring home the bacon
penelope - Now isn't that fantastic?
CdM - I wish that Juliette Binoche
cfm - Was not mentioned in this ditty
Kim - Perhaps a nice recette brioche
Phil - Would make this verse more pretty?
Simons Mith - The human epiglottis
CdM - (Like other epiglotts)
Software - Tucked away behind the scene
penelope - To tie your voice in knots
Phil - I wish I were a haggis
Raak - That runs around the glen
penelope - I'd wait till Easter Monday
Software - I'd be safe by then
penelope - I'd love to be a rocket
Rosie - Leaving trails of sparks
cfm - Inside my lover's pocket
Software - Lest the spouse do find the marks
penelope - I'd love to start a glow-worm
Software - With these brand new jump leads
Phil - I'd write of things electric
Raak - And whate'er the rhyme scheme needs.
Rosie - I wish I were a pussycat
cfm - With whiskers I would tickle
Botherer - And flit around from home to home
Raak - My love being always fickle.
Raak -
cfm - If I hadn't sent that letter
Chalky - I would now be Mayor of Chard
Raak - If you want to do better
Software - Don't let 'em mark your card
Phil - I wish my poems rhymed
penelope - Blank verse is so 'de trop*
CdM - And lyrics that I've mimed
Software - Don't always scan I know
Rosie - I wish I were a Brummie
CdM - Don't laugh. I really do.
Kim - My vowels aren't posh or plummy
cfm - But I'd do Shakespeare better'n you
penelope - [R, CdM, K, cfm] Splendid.
The windows all need cleaning
Raak - The kitchen floor's a mess
Rosie - But such work's so demeaning
cfm - Go get your Mom, I guess
Simons Mith - I love procrastinastion
Raak - I'll do some more tomorrow
Phil - But I'm gripped by vacillation
Software - Have you time to borrow?
Rosie - If I were an alarm clock
cfm - No doubt I'd be resented
Chalky - But only by vague arty types
With lives unregimented .. had to be done
Chalky - If I were a carpenter
Simons Mith - I'd bang and thump and hammer
Rosie - And sometimes acshly hit the nail
Software - In the accepted manner
Simons Mith - Pheer mai awsom3 h4cking skillz
Rosie - Defy a wall; it crumbles
Software - I'm not sure where this going
Raak - NOBODY expects the—
Oh, bugger.
Rosie - I wish I were an organ pipe
Phil - A 32 foot beast
Raak - I'd tremble with the voice of God
Chalky - My volume much increased
Software - I wish I were a snowman
Kim - That's newly sprung in Spring
Chalky - A pointy root veg for a nose
CdM - Another for my thing I believe it is customary to issue a request for an outer garment at this juncture.
penelope - I wish I were a mousetrap
Phil - With Edam I'd be primed [CdM]reveal
Software - A little mouse of Amsterdam
Rosie - His hunger so mistimed. reveal
Kim - I'm glad I'm not a milkman
Rosie - Out in't snow and dark Boreal usage scansion imperative claim.
Software - Slipping on an icy path
Chalky - Sod that for a lark
Phil - [K, R, S, C] Excellent!
Simons Mith - Another job I wouldn't do
Rosie - Is much involved with lobsters
cfm - I'd rather take a blood oath
Raak - And join a gang of mobsters.
Kim - The worst job that I ever had [Rosie?]
Chalky - Turned both my elbows green
Rosie - Collecting cat poo was my lot (Kim) I seem to have jumped the gun.
Software - While dressed up like a queen
Kim - While working for Jayne Mansfield
Chalky - I lost a lot of weight
Rosie - Yanking all those lobsters oblig.
Phil - Out of her 'tailgate' What Rosie said
Chalky - *chuckles*
Rosie - I wish I were a golf club
cfm - Gripped firmly with a glove
kagomeshuko - I'd swing and swing the wrong way
Giertrud - And hit heads from above.
Software - I'm glad I'm not an Easter Egg
Chalky - With spring-like obsolescence
Rosie - Consumed with avaricious haste
oenelope - I reek now of its essence. ie I'm covered in chocolate
enelope - I took a pee while I was doing that. Sorry.
NotJohn - An 'oenelope' is someone who runs off with the wine.
Chalky - Us isobars are all quite close
Software - We're cooking up a storm
Rosie - We'll squeeze the air along at speed (Chalky) We pedants are horrified, m'dear.
Botherer - But will not keep you warm.
kagomeshuko - I will tell a knock-knock joke
Raak - That's sure to split your sides
CdM - Knock! Knock! Who's there? Archie
Rosie - Andrews. And laughter, it subsides.
Simons Mith - Three blokes pop in their public house
Quendalon - (A rabbi, a priest and a Scot) That is how the joke goes, isn't it? No?
Kim - A fart by one makes t'next one sneeze
Software - And the third shouts out "twot" moving swiftly on ...
Chalky - Some people really try too hard .. last one was crap in every respect.
NotJohn - Ahem
- Some people really try too hard
- To show they are a wit
Phil - They dream up lines of poetry
Simons Mith - That somehow don't quite fit
I think the last one needed to conclude in frenzied anticlimax, viz;

Three blokes pop in their public house
(A rabbi, priest and Scot)
Something funny happens then
But I've forgotten what.

Raak - [SM] Bravo!
A young man's fancy turns to love
Chalky - Every seventh minute [Simons Mith] splendidly deft!
CdM - And in between he thinks of sex [SM] *applauds* [Rosie] I was thinking of young Archie Mides.
cfm - Cuz that's the best part, isn't it?
Rosie - I wish I were a plectrum (cfm) You're too like edjumacated, innit. (CdM) I can never read your mind, you know.
Phil - I'd strum your heart-strings well
Chalky - Until you fell in love with me
cfm - Or taught me how to spell
Chalky - I'm glad I'm not a rocking horse
penelope - They're prone to constipation
Software - But should they strain to make the grade
Rosie - Then cyclic defaecation. (pen) How do you know?
penelope - [Rosie] I've heard that rocking horse shit is very rare. Ergo... they don't go.
I'm glad I'm not a Barbie doll
Raak - Inside a plastic box
Rosie - Though I'd be free from creepy Ken (pen) Sorry, crap logic. Boo-boom.
Chalky - Who pleasures into socks grabs coat and scarpers
Software - If I were a Lego man Staying with the toy theme
Phil - Made up of block and bricks
Raak - I'd emigrate to Minecraft world
CdM - With crafting box and picks [Rosie] I didn't actually expect anyone to think of Archie Mides; I just thought it wasn't fair to post a knock-knock without some follow-up in mind.
Chalky - Ben 10 seems quite a cunning chap
Chalky - With magic watch on wrist
It helps him change his shape at will
But sometimes things get missed. .. no takers for a week. Time to bale.
penelope - Have to admit I don't know a lot about Ben 10, apart from the fact that he was on my small nephew's pyjamas a couple of years ago.
Our planning seems in uproar
Rosie - You can't put that thing there!
Simons Mith - It's really not in keeping [Ben 10 - 'an anime character called Ben' was the limit of my knowledge about 'im]
Chalky - And is messing up my hair. [pen, SM] No problem .. I had to google 'creepy Ken' ^^^ up there.
Phil - My mother is a weirdo
Chalky - My father watches birds
Rosie - My brother's got a little box
Software - In which he keeps turds Coat!
Simons Mith - That's not the Box of Delights!
Simons Mith - Sorry, I limericked. Unless someone can find a way to fix it up. The Whoops button would let me change it, but not remove it, so I'm a bit stuck now.
Chalky - Just start a new one.
CdM -
I wish that button turned back time
Raak - And held the moving finger back (metre variation alert)
Phil - I might think of a better rhyme
Software - Or go off on a different tack
Kim - I wish I were a mummy
Raak - Encased in tiles of jade
penelope - On legs and head and tummy
Golden Palace Casino - Our sponsorship displayed
Software - I wish it would stop raining
Rosie - It will, but not just yet
penelope - I've mastered aquaplaning
Chalky - Bifurcating with But wetsuits make me sweat/But sweatsuits make me wet
Phil - I wish I had a potting shed
CdM - Where I could grow my pot
Raak - With grow-lights shining all day long
Software - I'd be stoned as like as not
penelope - I wish I had a clematis Chelsea week, innit?
Phil - Perhaps a Russian vine
Software - Both of them get out of hand
Rosie - And bring your dashed fence "dine." Literally true in my case. (pen) No, it was last week we won the Europa Cup:-)
penelope - I've overdosed on Hollyhocks
Software - My nose runs like a tap
cfm - I have what look like chicken pox
Raak - I hope it's not the clap. No way to not do that.
Chalky - The larkspur is a wondrous sight
penelope - The perfume quite sublime
CdM - I've doused it all with gasoline
Giertrud - So I can end this rhyme.
kagomeshuko - I grew a little pear tree
Phil - Its fruit was firm and plump
Chalky - I swapped it for a milk cow
penelope - And made a callithump Callithump. n. a noisy boisterous parade.
Rosie - I wish I were a corkscrew
Raak - But with a left-hand twist
Phil - I'd bugger up your fingers
penelope - And stop you getting pissed oblig.
Phil - [pen] I had "And dislocate your wrist" in mind, but prefer yours.
Chalky - I wish I were left-handed
irach - For then all would be right
Software - Unles you are a little gauche
Rosie - But gaucher, that's a blight. No it isn't - Je suis left-handed.
Kim - If I were ambidextrous
Rosie - With hammer, saw and chisel
Raak - I'd do my work in half the time
Software - Then tell the boss to swivel
Giertrud - I wish I were a swizzle stick
kagomeshuko - Warm and cozy in some joe
Software - This is really nonsense
Raak - So to the bin must go.
Rosie - I wish I were a drummer
Software - But not like Ringo Starr
Kim - More like those chaps from "Kodo"
Phil - They're betterer by far.
Giertrud - Nonsense? Why?
http://www.pier1.com/Scroll-Swizzle-Sticks/2691834,default,pd.html?utm_source=Google&utm_medium=PLA&utm_campaign=google_pla&utm_content=2691834&s_cid=pla0000001&kpid=2691834

http://www.snopes.com/language/eponyms/cupofjoe.asp

Chalky - I wish I had some second sight
Rosie - Such wisdom I'd display
kagomeshuko - I'd not need glasses all my life
Chalky - .. stepping in before game loses all momentum ..
And double my cachet.
nights - When I was but a little lad
Rosie - And thought that girls were soppy
Software - I'd go and do those boisterous things
KagomeShuko - While being rather stroppy.
CdM - But after I had adolesced
cfm - I took things much more seriously
KagomeShuko - I opened books and aced the tests
Raak - And chased the girls ingeniously.
penelope - Advancing age has done me well
Chalky - My knees are holding up
Rosie - I've still got hair, but time will tell
KagomeShuko - That my heart needs a tuneup.
Chalky - I wish I had a bus pass
Phil - I'd travel all day long
Software - 'Tho I'd have nowhere to go
Kim - I'd sing this happy song:

Chalky - < mode=song >
The sun shines on the dickie birds
CdM - The sun shines on the ants
Phil - The sun shines on my privates
Raak - 'Cos I'm not wearing any pants.
Phil - [Raak]reveal
Chalky - *laughs out loud - like, really LOUD*
CdM - I wish it were tomorrow night [Phil] If you were worried, how do you think I felt? I chose my line with that fourth line in mind, but I wasn't holding my breath.
Phil - Today seems just so dull [CdM] Well done, sir!
Software - But then, I may not make it
Raak - Through one more day in Hull. [CdM,Phil] Your humble servant.
KagomeShuko - I've always liked the circus
Phil - Where threadbare lions roar [Raak] And another excellent last line. Would it be tempting fate to say you're on a roll?
Rosie - From reverie they jerk us (Shuddup at the back over there in the US).
Chalky - As through our limbs they gnaw
Software - I wish I were upon the beach
Chalky - Atop a sandy dune
Rosie - A glass of beer within my reach
penelope - And you, my dear, to spoon
nights - If I had a lot of time [S, C, R, p] Aww.
Raak - This coyness, lady, were no crime
But hark! Time's chariot hurries near
So let's get on with it, my dear. Sorry, couldn't resist.
Tuj - If all the seas were suncream
Rosie - The fish would squirm and splutter
CdM - And if the Alps were made of toast
Phil - I'd spread them with snow butter
Tuj - If you and I were ponies
Chalky - We'd have a trick or two
Phil - We'd dance like Darcey Bussell
Software - With fetlocks en tendu
Tuj - If 2 and 2 made twenty-two
Chalky - Two twos would make it too
Phil - And two ones too, when timesed by two
Software - I don't give a sod, do you?
Chalky - [SW] Actually I do. Spoilsport. And after your elegant finale to the last one ... :(
Tuj - If I woke up with great big wings
penelope - I'd take a look at higher things it still fits with the rhyme scheme, AABB,
gil - From somewhere in the stratosphere
Rosie - For I am bold. What matters fear?
Software - I wish I had an ice cold beer [Chalks] sorry, sorry, sorry
Kim - To slake my sun-baked thirst
Simons Mith - A lovely glass of Budweiser [Now you're upsetting the real ale nuts. :-) Ice cold is how you serve American horse piss, because at 0° you can't taste how horrible it is.]
Rosie - With CO2 I'll burst. BURP! (SM) Why on earth do people do it?
KagomeShuko - If you served that ice-cold muck
Software - I'd assume it was a joke
Rosie - With such stuff I'll have no truck
Phil - I'll stick to rum and coke
Simons Mith - Happy hour will soon be here
Software - I'll therefore order double
Tuj - So whiskey whiskey beer beer
Giertrud - And tons of Dubble Bubble
oops - reveal
Rosie - I'm glad I'm not a snowflake
Chalky - For if I was I'd melt
cfm - For all of my uniqueness
Giertrud - Could no longer be felt.
KagomeShuko - I'd rather be inside than out
Chalky - And up instead of down
Raak - The Burj Khalifa's just the place
Botherer - To enjoy a meaningless poem that doesn't scan, rhyme, or make any sense.
Chalky -
ahem ..
I'd rather be inside than out
And up instead of down
The Burf Khalifa's just the place
A jewel in Dubai's crown
Raak - [Chalky] Well done!
Phil - My birthday is over quite soon reveal
Software - And I am still quite sober
KagomeShuko - I'm in the center of the room reveal
Chalky - Alone until October
Now this one really IS a hotchpotch of dodgy scansion, rhyme & sense :) [Raak & Kagome] Ta
Botherer - reveal
If Botherer had half a brain
Rosie - The other half being mine
Phil - With Chalky's looks, and Néa's books
Software - We'd have a real good time
Kim - The child of such a union
penelope - Stands very little chance
Rosie - Of Anglican Communion
Botherer - Or learning how to dance.
Rosie - I wish I were a tube train
Software - In tunnels I'd find joy
Chalky - I lost her there a week ago
Phil - Amongst the hoi polloi. reveal
Rosie - (Phil) What about "foot pedal" and "safe haven"? :-)
Phil - [Rosie] "foot pedal" is ghastly, "safe haven" I don't have such a problem with, as the "refuge" sense appears to be only 800 years old, much younger than the original meaning of "harbour". Distantly related to the Welsh "Aber-", I wonder, even though we both know that means "estuary"?
Chalky - I'm glad I'm not an omnibus
Rosie - A-stopping and a-starting (Phil) "Aber" also means "confluence", of which there are many examples. Confirmed by Y Geiriadur Mawr, "The Big Dictionary".
Software - Cruising in polluted fug
Raak - With exhaust fumes a-farting.
Kim - Were I an oxymoron [Softers, Rosie] I'm wondering whether there is a game to be had out of your discussion.
Phil - I'd be so bittersweet [Kim] are you mixing me up with Softers?
Raak - With logical emotion
Rosie - I'd be blatantly discreet. (Phil) I reckon so. (Kim) I don't think it would run very long but could be worth a try.
Chalky - I'd love to mix a metaphor
Raak - In my electric blender
Kim - A sumptuous verbal cocktail that
Rosie - Is the Colemanballs agenda.
penelope - C, R, K, R - very splendid. Rhyming, scanning and funning.
A cocktail of artistic styles Don't panic - this can scan & rhyme A, A, B, B
Rosie - Cubist, batik and tiles If you say so, Miss. *quakes*
Software - Will create illusion
Raak - And confusion. Um.
penelope - I'm stealing all the openings
Rosie - And me the scond lines (Softers, Raak) That's quite clerihewish. Shall we have a Clerihew game?
Simons Mith - I'll half-inch one 'e' in five
Chalky - And I'll just issue fines.
Software - I've knocked pen off her perch
CdM - And now await her wrath
Chalky - I'll meet it by yon silver birch - [Rosie] Clearly you're asking the wrong people - I say yes let's!
Phil - In ashes and sackcloth
Rosie - I wish I spoke Hungarian
penelope - Bolivian or Urdu
Chalky - Instead of Rastafarian
Software - Here in Eglwyswrw
penelope - Can you confirm it's Thursday?
Raak - I've suddenly lost faith
Kim - I'll let you know tomorrow
Chalky - If it comes back as a wraith .. somewhat limited opportunities for a noteworthy Line 4. Sorry.
Chalky - My thister wath a lithper
Phil - They thay that I wath too
Rosie - Tho I thpeak in a whithper (Chalky) Ahem, thithter.
Software - My thithter thouts through her thoe
Phil - Oh FFTh! Thcanthion ruined again :(
Chalky - *sigh*
Let's try again ..
Chalky - I find it hard to woll my r's
Simons Mith - - My hips are much too stiff
Software - So maybe my new implants
penelope - Will make me sound like Cliff Wichard
Kim - [Pen] "Move", surely?
Kim - With lips as big as Jagger's
Software - And hips like Elvis P
Raak - The hands of Paganini
Phil - What a sexy freak I'd be!
Software - Autumn leaves are turning brown
penelope - Bikini prices coming down
Raak - Winter woollies trending up
Rosie - Then the sodding FA Cup.
Chalky - I hope I'll rhyme ABAB
Phil - Like 'glow-worms' mostly do
penelope - I'm not a freakish rhyme, you see
Rosie - My name's penelope.
Giertrud - A house divided cannot stand
Chalky - If walls are made of paper
Software - And living in a house of glass
Rosie - Is not my kind of caper. I seem to have cocked up the last one rather gormlessly.
Phil - I'm glad that I'm not Rosie Indeed - I'm amazed you got away with it, frankly :-)
Chalky - For he's got a girly name [Rosie, Phil] Assumed it was an example of postmodernistic irony ..
Rosie - His real one? Don't be nosey
Software - That'd spoil his claim to fame
Software -
CdM - I wish the House of Tudor
Phil - Were not so full of beams
Chalky - Its workmanship is cruder
Raak - It comes loose at the seams.
Raak -
Kim - Thus fell the House of Usher
Phil - With all-pervading gloom
Rosie - 'Twas worse than Soviet Russia
Chalky - But filmed - as was 'Khartoum' - which also fell.
Kim - [Chalky] I always thought they should make an animated version.
Rosie - I'm glad I'm not Vince Cable
Chalky - I really really am
penelope - It's sad that he's not able
Phil - To plug the cashflow dam
Chalky - I wish I had an air balloon
Software - I'd fly above your house
penelope - Sing love songs like a right buffoon
Phil - Until you are my spouse
penelope - I hate the thought of housework
Phil - It makes me quake with fear
Software - Thank goodness for my Dyson®
Chalky - And my maid from South Korea. Guffawed at the balloon one - cheers Pen/Phil
penelope - I have a pip stuck in my teeth I giggled at the housework one. I'm 50% there.
CdM - (That's too much information)
Software - I think it's time for flossing
Kim - And a quick expectoration
Rosie - I wish I were a garden rake Shut up at the back.
penelope - A snag-toothed tidier-upper
Software - I'd lie hidden in the grass
Raak - A slapstick tripper-upper.
Phil - I wish I had a pint of beer
Rosie - Just like Nigel Farage
Software - I'd drink it down most publicly
penelope - There's nowt to disparage Can we stop trying to rhyme things with 'Farage'? It limits the potential of t'rhymes. Ta v much.
When motorists are naughty
Raak - I give them one quick toot
Rosie - And shout "You're doing forty" (pen) I wasn't. First appearance of Mr UKIP in this game.
Software - On the motorway to boot
Phil - I wish I were on holiday
Rosie - Boating on the Kennett
Software - Just sitting back and reading prose
penelope - Or scripts from Alan Bennett
Raak - If only I were twenty [Rosie] Pen may have been thinking of Mr. Farage's recent appearance in one of the limerick games.
Chalky - And callow in my ways
Phil - I'd dream of lands of plenty
Software - And my many different lays coat!
Kim - If I were only forty
Raak - I'd be half what I am now
Rosie - Though not in age, let it be said
Software - I'm just fat - and how!
penelope - If I should stumble over
Raak - And need help getting up
Simons Mith - To hire a crane is rather rude
Chalky - But sorry - needs must - yup! ... notably few rhymes for 'up'
penelope - My waistline is expanding
Rosie - Oh, what a brave admission
KagomeShuko - My feet are slow shrinking
Software - With every inch addition
Chalky - The time has come for action
Phil - A fitness plan perhaps
penelope - Holds less of an attraction
Raak - Than deep-fried bacon baps
penelope - I have no time for deadlines
Raak - I've better things to do
KagomeShuko - Like read a book or solve some crimes
Simons Mith - Or pop off to the loo
Phil - [SM] I genuinely spent over five minutes manfully resisting "loo" and "poo". Congratulations on giving in to your inner schoolboy :-)
Rosie - I wish I were a toilet roll (Phil) Same here, largely because I thought I'd give you a go. Imagine my disappointment, though SM has valiantly maintained the tradition.
Software - The hard kind, not the soft Oh-er, memories of school
Juxtapose - Sitting unused is the goal
penelope - So stash it in the loft.
Raak - The phoenix' cry is rarely heard Let's try and raise the tone a bit.
Phil - A song so cold and bleak
KagomeShuko - For it is an ornery bird
Chalky - And someone glued its beak. There's classy ...
Juxtapose - I took a class in classic art
Raak - I now know Bosch from Dürer
Kim - But the paintings in my pantry
Software - Are somewhat more obscurer
Chalky - Pre-Raphaelite is more my thing
Rosie - It's simply more expressive
KagomeShuko - Dante and his art-for-art
penelope - And ladies part-undressive
penelope - The cubists' art is thus defined:
Chalky - Abstract with no perspective
Software - Which makes it look less like the real
Rosie - And more like the subjective.
Phil - All art is tosh, I would opine
Simons Mith - Except for this piece by Divine
Chalky - .. are we venturing into limerickese?
Simons Mith - [Chalky] My line can swing either way
Kim - Raphael, portraying Madonna
With very few garments upon 'er. Sorry, I don't usually double-post, but it seemed right. Also, if you substitute "I'd" for "I would" in the first line, it scans quite nicely.
Rosie - I wish I were a grease gun reveal
Software - To you nipple I'd be put
Phil - I'd keep your bearings running free
Chalky - With mayhem underfoot
Simons Mith - The joy of lubrication
Juxtapose - Is lost on all my friends
Chalky - They much prefer fixation
Giertrud - Of all their bits and ends.
Kim - The benefits of friction
Rosie - Should not be understated
penelope - Since rubbing up the wrong way
Phil - Can make me quite elated
Chalky - He recommended traction [Phil] hehe
Kim - And an orthopaedic brace [R, p, P] I was thinking about "The use of prophylactics/ being highly over-rated", but didn't want to triple-post.
Phil - I had the satisfaction
Software - Next week they hear my case
Kim - I came across this thoughtful item and decided to share it with you. It's a lyric from a song by Dory Previn.>
We never stop to wonder
Until a person's gone
We never yearn to know him
Until he's travelled on
Phil - [Software] Splendid 4th line. I was expecting something like "Of pummelling his face", but yours was much better :-)
Simons Mith - The art of writing lyrics
Software - When all is said and done
Raak - Depends upon the music
penelope - And the 'Dum-de-dum-de-dum' I think I've got the metre right, even if it's not a perfect rhyme...
Kim - [pen] Do you know the Monty Python sketch about Denis Moore? It's apposite.
Kim - I'm very fond of lupins
Raak - And shrubberies are nice
Software - But best of all are cacti
Chalky - Distilled and served with ice
Juxtapose - My brother is a tailor he's actually a programmer. worked on the 'Halo' game franchise.
penelope - He sewed my new blue jeans 'Sun-up Alterations, Zips Mended While-U-Wait'>
Phil - My father was a gambling man
CdM - Way down in Whitmore Reans
Chalky - My papa was a preacher man
cfm - And so was Billy Ray's
Simons Mith - When he stole kisses from me
Rosie - I was young - it was a phase.
Kim - I close my eyes and count
penelope - To ten - that was the plan
Phil - Alas I fell asleep at six
Software - Finish for me if you can
Phil - I wish I were an aardvark
Chalky - First in the alphabet
Rosie - Alas I am a zebra
Raak - But ahead of the zzxjoanw yet.
Giertrud - Qaanaaq is in Greenland
Raak - Its night life must be seen
Rosie - This requires a microscope
Software - So you must be very keen
penelope - I wish I were a chimney sweep
Chalky - I'd sing 'Chim-chim-chereeee!'
Phil - I'd talk in mangled Cockney
KagomeShuko - And shout "'ello Mary!"
penelope - I wish I could be thinner
Rosie - Say, butyl acetate
Giertrud - Or maybe min'ral spirits
Software - Your shine off I would take
Giertrud - Merry Christmas Everybody!
Raak - Good cheer to one and all!
penelope - While there's still some hot toddy
Giertrud - Let's drink it 'til we fall!
KagomeShuko - It's Boxing Day in Canada
Juxtapose - They're fighting in the streets
Simons Mith - And if a hockey match breaks out
Giertrud - The day will be complete(s)!
Kim - I had a little nut tree
Phil - I often used to beat it
Software - But it never bore a single nut
Raak - I think that I've been cheated.
Rosie - I wish I were a rain-gauge
Software - Overflowing in a storm
Juxtapose - So full I can't contain myself
Phil - As I'm not cribriform
KagomeShuko - I have a little puppy
penelope - It loves to play with me
Rosie - It's scoffed my little guppy
Raak - And quaffed my Earl Grey tea.
Juxtapose - The Yanks are playing "Super Bowls"
Rosie - They sometimes touch the ball
Software - They've so much armor (sic) plating
Phil - They don't feel pain at all
penelope - I wish I were a scaffolder
Raak - That leapt from pole to pole
Software - Shunning 'elf'n'safety
Rosie - But never on the dole.
Kim - I wish I were a glazier
Rosie - 'Cos I like playing with putty reveal
KagomeShuko - I'd build a pyramid out of glass reveal
Phil - Then stop for tea and butty
Rosie - I wish I were a pot-hole
Phil - I'd bugger your suspension
Software - As you splash every passer-by
Kim - Increasing local tension
KagomeShuko - They wish we had more tea cakes
Raak - They wish we had more tea
penelope - They wish we had facilities
So they could have a wee I bet there's a Japanese word for 'being disappointed with a cafe'`
penelope - They wish we opened later
Phil - To satisfy their needs
penelope - Alas, we cannot cater
Raak - To their incessant greeds. Sorry, cafe's closed for lunch.
Software - I wish I were a bookie
penelope - I'd gather all your cash
Rosie - And pay for lots of nookie
Phil - Rum, sodomy and lash
Kim - I wish I were a seaman
Rosie - 'Cos I can go "Ha - harrrr!"
Chalky - A salt-encrusted demon
CdM - Emerging from the haar
Juxtapose - I wish I were an athlete
Phil - I'd run or jump or throw
penelope - Unless I was in Sotchi
Software - With two toilets in a row
CdM - I wish, when I was younger,
Chalky - I'd done as I was told
Kim - Avoided all the sex and drugs
Software - N'eer straying from the fold
Phil - I wish that I had listened
Kim - To my teachers when they said
Rosie - The name with which you're christened
Raak - You'll be called when you're dead.
Raak - Which reminds me of the rhyme:
They told me, Heraclitus, they told me you were dead
I never knew your proper name was Heraclitus, Fred.
penelope - When I am gone and changed my name [P, K, R, R and R - marvellous. More please.]
Phil - I hope I'll be remembered
Software - For all the thing's I haven't done
penelope - Not the bodies I've dismembered apols
Kim - While I'm alive and kicking
Rosie - And working as a plumber (pen) Can't stop giggling.
Software - With call-out rates extortionate
penelope - And clients ever-dumber
Raak - I'll quote three times the going rate
penelope - I'll drink my weight in tea
Rosie - I'll say your loo is dodgy, mate
Phil - I'll flash my arse for free.
Software - Today we need to dig a hole
Raak - Then fill it in again
Rosie - At least it keeps us off the dole
KagomeShuko - And considered working men.
Juxtapose - I wish I were a bobsleigh
Rosie - Taking bends at speed
Kim - Tipping out my passengers
Software - I'm spiteful, yes indeed
Chalky - Thank you for your custom
Rosie - It says here on the bill
KagomeShuko - We'd like to know of problems
penelope - And hope you won't be ill.
Rosie - I wish I were a writer
Phil - I'd write all sorts of things
penelope - Some of which are shiter I axshully am a writer for money
Chalky - Than Tolkein's lordly rings.
Juxtapose - I wish I were a zombie
Software - Arising from the grave
penelope - In a dust-strewn woollen Crombie
Rosie - I nicked from Chas and Dave.
penelope - I wish I were an angler
Software - Slowly drowning worms
Chalky - With my stick and dangler
Rosie - My patience this affirms. (pen, Chalky, penpenult. Splendid.)
penelope - I wish I were a stevedore
Phil - Working on the docks
Software - "Accidentally" damaging
Neophyte - Containers' “thief-proof” locks.
penelope - If I were not a petty thief Sorry - that's the third one in a row now.
Software - A politician I would be
Neophyte - "Blame immigrants" my leitmotif
Raak - Who should be kicked back o'er the sea.
Neophyte - If I could be who e'er I chose  Four now ☺
Raak - I'd be the King of Wales
Giertrud - And wear tights all colored rose
Chalky - While guzzling Trappist Ales.
Rosie - I wish I were a criminal
Raak - That heaved a bag marked "SWAG"
Neophyte - Eschewing texts subliminal
penelope - And shackled with a tag
Juxtapose - I wish I were a hobbit
Neophyte - With hairy size-12 feet
Phil - Instead I'm like John Bobbitt
Chalky - An earthling incomplete
Neophyte - I'm glad I am a Briton
Raak - For a Brit it's best to be
penelope - But only a few can fit on
Lurker - A pin head comf'tably
penelope - I crave a piece of chocolate cake
Software - Filled with gooey cream
Neophyte - For wholesome fats and carbs I ache
penelope - I'm rather broad of beam oblig.
Kim - My waistline is expanding
Neophyte - It surely can't be age
penelope - That makes the act of standing
Lurker - Lead to impotent rage
Raak - I wish I were a tea-cup
Software - The finest Wedgwood kind
Neophyte - From which the gentry might sup
Rosie - A potion most refined. Not Co-op teags, then.
penelope - A biscuit fit for dipping I avoided using 'dunking'. You can thank me later
Phil - Is flavourful and firm
Software - But cover it with dripping
Chalky - See hardened dunkers squirm *later* Thank you pen :)
Rosie - If I were a cartoonist
penelope - With loaded, painty brush
Neophyte - I'd paint a young balloonist
Software - In youth's initial flush
Neophyte - And if I'd been born Rembrandt
Chalky - I'd not be posting here
penelope - No self-respecting self-portraitist
Software - would expose himself I fear swiftly moving on ...
Neophyte - This talk of Old Dutch Masters
Phil - Has bored me quite to tears
Raak - But Romanesque pilasters was trying to make a line about Amsterdam S&M bars, but couldn't quite get the rhyme to work
Neophyte - Stunned even Wackford Squeers
penelope - If you refer to Dickens
Software - Which I'm sure you often do
Neophyte - Then please, don't cite “Darles Chickens”
Rosie - Lest Spooner, he might sue.
Chalky - Bravo!
Let the horizontal rule -
Rosie - If I were made of rubber
Neophyte - Like Michelin man of yore
penelope - I'd drink like fat Bibendum
Software - And yet still ask for more
Phil - Oh, would that I were smart
Neophyte - Enough to pass a Mensa test
Software - I'd need not work at labouring
Raak - I'd be smarter than the rest.
penelope - There's nothing in my pension pot
Phil - Apart from dreams and dust
Neophyte - My salary ?   I spent the lot !
Software - Now I'm homeless, old and bust
Raak - When you've got money, spend it all!
Neophyte - For saving's just for fools
Phil - So live your life, and have a ball reveal
penelope - Be flagrant with the rules! [Phil] me too.
Neophyte - Poor I was born, and poor I'll die
Kim - But in the years between
Rosie - My riches, they will hit the sky
Juxtapose - -- Until my kid's a teen.
penelope - A rainy Thursday morning
Software - Dull and wet and cool
Raak - Is ideal for a bike ride
Neophyte - By a lycra-bedecked fool.
What's my line -
penelope - So what's the point of planning
Phil - When the weather lets you down
Neophyte - I planned to lie there tanning
Rosie - But I'm soaking wet, not brown.
irach - A frabjous day is dawning
Raak - So sing "Callooh! Callay!"
Neophyte - And heed no empty warning
penelope - Too sunny for making hay.
Juxtapose - I'm seeking new employment
penelope - I don't care what I do
Chalky - My main aim is enjoyment
Neophyte - And a fag-break in the loo.
Software - Bank Holidays are all too few
Raak - And all too soon are over
penelope - I waste it lazing - oh, don't you?
Phil - Or rolling in the clover
Siegfried -
Rosie - I wish I were a saucepan trad.
Chalky - With a tightly-fitting lid
CdM - My contents all a-boiling
Software - Though from view it's hid
Chalky - I wish I had a pony tail
Phil - A Croydon facelift too
Rosie - 'Cos frankly I'm an ugly sod reveal
KagomeShuko - Who loves a good updo
penelope - The stain is there for all to see
Neophyte - Its cause not hard to guess
Raak - I've scrubbed until my hands are raw
KagomeShuko - With a cold compress.
penelepe - [KS] You were a syllabubble short, m'dear. No matter.
'Get out, damn spot! Get out!' I cry
Rosie - So much for dry cleaning (pen) The line can be stretched, just about, and it doesn't offend me. If it doesn't offende me it won't offend anybody, will it?
Software - I'll soak it in ammonia
Neophyte - Then stand there, pants down, queening.
Neophyte - With copper, mangle, Reckitt's Blue
Chalky - Wash day is a breeze
Rosie - Hang them out, come rain or shine
Software - 'Tho it crucifies my knees
penelope - Blacking grates and mangling sheets
Software - The joys below the stairs
penelope - The parquet's scarred by hobnail cleats
But no-one down here cares. Insurrection from the staff...
Neophyte - Rise e'er the dawn, to clean the hearths
Software - That's Cinderella's fate
Lurker - Then light the fires, and run the baths
Robin - And don't stay out too late.
CdM - The clocks are chiming midnight
Neophyte - But the sun shines overhead
KagomeShuko - The birds are sleeping in their trees
Chalky - For now's the day we wed!
Raak - I wish I were a Jabberwock
Chalky - A flame-eyed whiffling thing
CdM - But I am just a jubjub bird
penelope - And so, on that, I'll sing.
Neophyte - But if I were a bandersnatch
Software - To spot me you'd be quick
Chalky - For much like Mr Cumberbatch
Phil - I'm really rather slick
penelope - It fails to pass this simple test
Kim - It's neither flesh nor fowl
Chalky - So now we feel it's prob'ly best
CdM - To euthanise your owl
Software - I wish I were a dodgy spiv
Neophyte - With fag from mouth a-dangling
penelope - I wouldn't have a damn to give
Rosie - My coat with coins a-jangling.
Juxtapose - The teams are gathering in Brazil
Raak - To kick a ball around
Software - Will our team really have the will?
Phil - I might just bet a pound.
Simons Mith - I root against the English team
penelope - Their chances I don't fancy much
Robin - I think they may run out of steam
Raak - And so I'll bet upon the Dutch.
Phil - [S,p,Ro,Ra] Very nice. It was only on the 3rd reading that I realised you were probably referring to football, as I was thinking about cricket. It still works though.
Software - So far Brazil has all the goals
Chalky - Said some deluded fool
Rosie - Defensively they're full of holes
Phil - Like bras in Samba Schools - e.g. this (NVSFW)
Rosie - I wish I were the scoresheet
Juxtapose - I'd tally up your points
Software - You're very fine statistically
Chalky - Top marks for double joints
Phil - I wish I had my mother's eyes
blamelewis - I'd keep them in this jar (had to go that way really...)
Raak - Their glassy stare reminding me
Software - How she'd beat up poor pa-pa
blamelewis - I wish I had my brother's knees
Rosie - For mine are old and dodgy
Software - His look really good in tights
Raak - While I wear trews quite stodgy.
penelope - I used to have my uncle's teeth
Raak - Displayed upon the wall
Phil - I little plaque sat underneath
Neophyte - Which said, in letters small ... (to be continued)
Neophyte - "These teeth were once the pride and joy
Software - Of my dear old Uncle Rolf
Rosie - Alas, he doesn't need them now
Neophyte - He lost them playing golf."
penelope - That reminds me of a favourite Knock-Knock joke:
"knock knock"
Who's there?
"Adolf"
Adolf who?
"Adolf ball mhitmph me in mthme mmouthm"
Rosie - I wish I were a hacksaw I'd like to hear you say that, pen.
Raak - To cut these prison bars
Software - I'd really be a dashing blade
penelope - Just like those scimitars

I eat my peas with Hollandaise
Even when the dish is pork
I've done so all my lifelong days
It keeps them on the fork.

Kim - [Declaring a "peas" cascade]
I eat my peas with mustard
penelope - Washed down with lemonade Declaring an 'Unusual Eating Implements Parallel Cascade' too.
Raak - I tried them once with custard
Rosie - They still fell off the spade. Will that do, pen?
penelope - [Rosie] What a slendid birthday present. You delivered in spades, ta v much!
Tuj - I eat my peas with Marmite
Rosie - Which Ma might say is messy
Neophyte - But oh :  the umami's so right
Software - But still I look a jessie
Rosie - I eat my peas with relish
Raak - It's fluorescent yellow
Kim - The egg-spoon that I eat them with
penelope - I stole from some poor fellow.
CdM - I like my peas reet mushy
Software - For I'm a northern lad
blamelewis - To those wha claim it's grim oop here (apologies for clunky accent)
Simons Mith - Ah'll tell 'ee, tha's bin had!
Rosie - They're holding pea stalks as we speak
penelope - We're hoping there won't be a leek
Software - Of a limerick style
Because in a while
Someone will give us a tweak
Phil - I wish I had the muscle
Rosie - To lift this pile of bricks
Software - But sadly I'm a wimpy man
penelope - With arms and legs like sticks
Kim - I wish I were a spaceman
Phil - I'd float around all day
Simons Mith - Until my tank of oxygen
Raak - Had leaked my air away.
Phil - I wish I were eighteen again
Raak - But knew all I now know
Rosie - I'd find it hard to fall in love
Software - Then marriage wouldn't flow
Raak - I wish I were a Jabberwock
Kim - With eyes aflame and such
Software - I'd wish you all a frabjous day
Simons Mith - And other double Dutch
Chalky - If I could find a beaten sword
Software - Then I would be a winner;
Kim - A plowshare would be my reward
Simons Mith - And I could sow me dinner
Phil - I wish I were in marketing
CdM - In charge of famous brands
Software - I'd trash their corporate image
Giertrud - With my small, dirty hands!
Rosie - I wish I were a maestro
Software - A crappy Rover car
Giertrud - Though I might get called a tin can
penelope - I wouldn't take you far mercy killing.
Phil - I wish my legs were stronger
Kim - Than those of Usain Bolt
Rosie - His speed makes him much wonga
penelope - I'm poor - my short legs' fault.
penelope - Now, Scottish independence *stands back*
Raak - Wis thocht up doon the pub
Software - W'all agreed tha' snooty Dave
penelope - Should nae be in oor club.
Rosie - I wish I spoke Italian
Phil - I'd chat up all the birds
penelope - I'd be a right rapscallion
Software - 'Cos ladies don't like nerds
Kim - I wish I spoke Swahili
Raak - It sounds so unlike Dutch
irach - Yet Swahili's word for "penguin"
Software - Don't change very much
penelope - My shoes are nice and shiny
Rosie - Just like my nose, alas
Raak - My hair sticks up quite spiny Curious that shoe polish shines shoes, but dulls noses.
penelope - And the sun shines out my as...
...pidistra in the parlour
Software - Victoriana chic
Rosie - 'Tis worthy of La Scala
gil - I know whereof I speak
New Line -
Software - I wish I'd been I K Brunel
Phil - Beneath my stovepipe hat
Raak - 'Midst belching chimneys I would dwell
Rosie - But in a mansion, not a flat.
penelope - I wish I were an oak tree
Software - Upon the village green
Rosie - Bolts of lightning do their worst
penelope - To this bucolic scene.
Raak - I wish I played the mandolin
Phil - Just like Captain Corelli
penelope - And kept a tame-ish pangolin
Software - As seen on the telly
Giertrud - The poetry of Robbie Burns
Chalky - Was newly sprung in June
penelope - It shone and stank a bit, in turns
Raak - Just like the changing moon.
Kim - The plays of William Shakespeare
Rosie - Go on for far too long
Software - But for luvvies in the green room
Giertrud - More time to play ping-pong!
Rosie - If I could play the tenor sax
Phil - The girls would coo and swoon
Software - But I am just a drummer
Giertrud - And so they boo and moon!
Software - If I were in a pantomime
Raak - I'd be a panto horse
gil - The head and front legs would be fine
Rosie - The rear's more fun, of course.
penelope - If I were not upon the stage Was it just our local panto that had a big song and dance about this?
Kim - A prompter I would be
Phil - But only for a living wage
blamelewis - I'll not shout lines for free!
Rosie - If I lived in the desert
Phil - I'd change my name to 'Sandy'
gil - My visage may seem weathered
SImons - But I make the camels randy!
Kim - To welcome in the Noo Year
penelope - I have not said a word
Phi - I've been in here for 5 days now
Knobbly - And nothing has occurred...
Rosie - If I were just a dicky-bird (Phil) Fie to your orthography, sir!
Simons Mith - You wouldn't get a peep
Software - I'd tuck my head beneath my wing
penelope - And feign to be asleep
Simons Mith - I glide above on silent wings
Raak - And spy my prey below
Rosie - Juicy little worms and things
Software - But I'd prefer merlot
penelope - So did you keep the cellar locked?
Raak - The Thing's escaped again!
Chalky - The residents are very shocked
Rosie - They're all saying you're insane.
penelope - My clothes are mostly second-hand
Rosie - But not my knickers and bra
Raak - I crocheted them myself from string
Phil - D'you think I've gone too far?
Rosie - I wish I were a ball-cock
penelope - A regulating system
Software - Preventing too much water
penelope - Do I have to? I thought I had made it easy. An imperfect rhyme, I know, but close enough...
From gettng in your cistern.
Kim - The best thing about choc'late
Rosie - Apart from everything else
Software - Is that it's made of chocolate
Raak - And melts at 40 Cels. Bit of a hard rhyme there. Welsh? Bells? Pulse?
penelope - The best that we can hope for
Rosie - This Thursday afternoon
Kim - Is that by Thursday fortnight
Raak - We again escape our doom.
Rosie - I wish I were a referee
Raak - To lay down right and wrong
Kim - To be abused from every side
Software - But at Wembley get a gong
penelope - I wish for springtime sooner
Rosie - Begone, frigiditee! No,not you, m'dear.
Software - The days are getting longer
Raak - There'll be honey soon for tea.
penelope - I eat my peas with honey
Kim - It makes them taste quite odd
Rosie - I like it hot and runny
Raak - When I spread it on my bod.
Software - I wish I'd bought an iPad
penelope - When iPad's were the rage
Raak - But now they're quite old-fashioned
Giertrud - And only seem to age!
penelope - I wish I'd bought a bullet train
Software - To speed me to and fro
Rosie - Through the land of rising sun
Phil - Express to Tokyo
Raak - It is quite grand to contemplate
Rosie - And think of what might be
Software - Had I'd been born a royal
penelope - And used the royal 'we'.
penelope - I often use the O.E.D.
Phil - To check a definition
Software - But the words I seek are never there
Raak - To my consternomition.
Rosie - The Shorter Oxford Dictionary
Software - Designed for use by dwarves
Raak - They play short games of Pictionary
Phil - Whilst hiding in their borves reveal
Kim - I wish I were a wharfman
Rosie - Unlike Lady Docker
Software - For loading in stiletto heels
Chalky - Clearly off her rocker ... mercy killing - now play nicely please
Rosie - I've got some nitroglycerine
Raak - It makes a loud ka-boom
Software - I keep it in my pantry
Chalky - And await the Day of Doom
Simons Mith - Ensure your cake will always rise
Giertrud - Use lots of baking powder
Raak - For taste it may not win the prize
Software - But your farting will be louder Coat!
Simons Mith - For best results a pizza stone
Giertrud - Should be heated well
Rosie - And lightly sprayed with acetone
CdM - Before you run like hell
Simons Mith - The oven-cleaning fairies
Tuj - Appear to be on strike
Rosie - The grease and crud that's there is
Software - Something to dislike
Rosie - I wish I were an apple core
Software - My pips quite tight within
Kim - Growing ripe in Appledore
Gusset Login - Before going in the bin
Software - I wish I were a hacker
KagomeShuko - I'd clear away the wall
Software - And chuck the lot into the skip
Let another take the ball - mercy killing
Raak - A mercy killer I would be
Rosie - So if you're ill, watch out
Software - I'd creep up with my pillow
cfm - And cure you of the gout
Rosie - I wish I were a bookmark
Software - Tucked in a paperback
KagomeShuko - I'd keep your place like a pro
penelope - If memory you lack. Bit awk. Play on chaps.
penelope - I wish that it was raining Not, obvs.
Raak - There's nowt like getting soaked
Software - But it'll make the grass grow too
Phil - And test my mow'r (four-stroked).
Kim - It's pen's fault that it's pouring
Software - She did a rain dance in her clogs
penelope - But sunshine gets so boring
Tuj - And she's lovely rainproof togs.
penelope - [K, S, me and T] Lovely.
I tweet at lots of TV chefs *I have just had a tweet convo with Valentine Warner. Swoon.*
Raak - And they tweet back to me!!!!
Rosie - They say "At last a gourmet"
Software - let's have a cup of tea
Rosie - I wish I were a s'lebrity
Phil - My face in every rag
Kim - Whoring my integrity
Software - It's for money - that's my bag
blamelewis - I wish to see the manager
Phil - These shoes are far too tight
Rosie - He said "Now look 'ere, Bigfoot"
Software - "The cust'mers never right!"
penelope - I wish I had my money back
Software - I've been taken for a ride
Rosie - I've landed up at Fenny Compton
Phil - And a part of me just died
penelope - I wish I had a picture hook
Raak - Upon my picture rail
Software - I'd hang a picture of my mum
CdM - ... Ah, hell, I'll use a nail
penelope - This painted pair of portrait eyes
Raak - Watch you around the room
penelope - And crinkle up with mirth when you
Go tripping in the gloom Mersea. Next!
Rosie - I'm glad I'm not a guinea-pig
Software - Testing things bizarre
penelope - I don't much want a thingummyjig
Phil - Stuck up my chocolate star
Sorry, sorry, sorry!
blamelewis - I'm glad I'm not a plagiarist ...
Kim - Of someone else's verses
Raak - My own sweat, blood, toil, tears, and grist
Software - Eliminates such curses
Simons Mith - I'm glad I'm not a plagiarist ...
penelope - My work is all my own
Raak - It is not copying, but "homage"
Software - The best stuff but on loan
Phil - I wish I were a lady
Software - Then get out those hormone pills
Rosie - Your new name could be Sadie
penelope - And you too could wear frills
Kim - I wish I were a gentleman
Rosie - I'd tip my hat to ladies
penelope - I'd wink at all the suffragettes
Phil - Who'd curse me back to Hades
Software - I wish I were transgender covering all bases
penelope - And could sit down to pee
Rosie - But that takes balls and mine have gone
Simons Mith - Irrevocabably
penelope - I've covered all the bases
Rosie - Potash, lime, ammonia
Software - My scientific nature
Phil - Has made my kidneys stonier
penelope - It's not the grotty weather
Kim - That makes me think of home
Rosie - For I'm from sunny Timbuktu
Giertrud - And live in a glass dome!
Phil - I wish I had a hammer
penelope - And nails and four-by-two
Raak - A glue-pot, mitre box, and saw
Software - I'd make a box for you
Rosie - Now get inside this coffin
Raak - And I'll nail down the lid
Kim - And once you're six feet under
Phil - You'll remember what you did!
Software - If I'd been landed gentry
Rosie - You'd have to bow and scrape
Phil - And offer up your daughters
Raak - For legally sanctioned and I really don't feel like completing that line.
penelope - I deliberately didn't open that door. Moving on...
I've often wondered if it's true
Rosie - That drinking caustic soda Once a chemist, . . . .
CdM - Quite odd consequences has
Kim - On one's body odour
penelope - I wish I were a postman
Software - Misdirecting all your mail
Kim - Bending all your photographs
Chalky - When letter boxes fail
Software - I wish I were in orbit
Rosie - Around the planet Saturn
Phil - I'd rearrange its many moons
Phil - PS Apols for the distasteful "landed gentry" 3rd line on 26/11. I thought someone would come up with a witty dodge of the obvious rhyme, but now it transpires that I can't think of one either!
penelope - Into a pleasing pattern. Will that do?
Newton, I - It will indeed, pen, but this new gravity thing everybody's on about will destroy your artwork in an astronomically short time, i.e. less than ten million years. reveal
Tuj - I wish I weren't so sleepy
Rosie - So flatulent, so dull
penelope - I think it's down to Brussels sprouts
Raak - And long post-Christmas lull
Raak - I wish my resolution
Giertrud - Was not so hard to keep
Rosie - An easier solution
Chalky - Just give this year a Leap
Rosie - I'm glad I'm not a dustbin (Chalky) V neat.
Software - Filled with people's trash
Phil - The detritus of daily life
penelope - Is hard to swop for cash
penelope - I'm glad I'm not a hairbrush
Software - Nor, indeed, a comb
Rosie - 'Cos half a ton of dandruff
penelope - Calls your head a home eeeuuuuwwww.
Chalky - Oh take me to the Mardi Gras!
Phil - And watch me dance all night
Software - I'll go without my ma and pa
Rosie - I'd give 'em such a fright.
Giertrud - I used some CSS code
penelope - To execute a coup
Software - But my HTMLability
Kim - Has put me in the soup
Tuj - I used to be a sous-chef
Raak - That toiled in sweat and steam
penelope - Until I poisoned several guests
Phil - With scombroid-riddled bream
Rosie - I wish I were a battery
Tuj - Imagine all my uses! [Phil] Phwoar, that's a line
Software - Like powering vibrators coat!
Kim - That stimulate the juices hat!
penelope - So as your paint is drying
Phil - You might just make a movie
Kim - With music by George Ezra
Rosie - Appropriately groovy.
Software - I wish I'd been a Beatle
Kim - Back in '64
Chalky - Starring in A Hard Day's Night
penelope - As one of the Fab Four
Kim - I wish I were a Beetle
Rosie - With engine at the back
Software - Air cooled engine phut, phut, phut
penelope - A hazard on the racetrack.
CdM - I wish I were a beetle
penelope - A-rolling turds and dung
Kim - But rarely are my praises
Rosie - In church or chapel sung.
penelope - I wish I were a pitchfork
Rosie - With prongs that prod and probe
Chalky - And perforate and penetrate
penelope - Your wellies and your robe I wish I hadn't had to do that
Chalky - I once slipped on some bladderwrack
Software - While skipping 'cross the rocks
Kim - I guess that that will teach me not
penelope - To go out crabbing without my socks
Rosie - I'm glad I'm not a toothypeg
penelope - A-lurking in your gob
Software - With a filling having mercury
penelope - And a radioactive throb.
penelope - I'm pleased I'm not the only one Maybe I am... is anyone else playing?
Raak - That roams these ghostly halls
Chalky - 'Cause if I were my lonely song
Rosie - Would just bounce of the walls.
Software - If I'd been born as Donald Trump
penelope - With bucket-loads of cash
Rosie - I'd get my hair cut properly
Chalky - So no-one thinks I'm trash
Giertrud - A cuddly little puppy
KagomeShuko - Is the master of disguise
Simons Mith - He first enslaves the populace
CdM - With his cute puppy eyes

(to be continued)
penelope - His teeny tiny turdies
Raak - He drops so dainti-lee
Kim - 'Till global domination
Software - As he lifts his leg to pee
Chalky - So - micro pig or microwave?
penelope - For sure, the bacon's tiny
Tuj - But this cuisine's top mystery
Kim - Is why the chef's so whiny
Rosie - I wish I were a spatula
Software - Scraping out your bowl
penelope - Trying not to be too flatula
KagomeShuko - (it's a stretch, sorry)
And Not to be too foul.
Software - I don't want a referendum
Chalky - 'cause I have to make a choice
Kim - Should we stay or should we go?
penelope - But don't vote for the loudest voice mercy killing
Tuj - I've mixed up all my tea-bags!
Raak - Is this Sencha or Char Sue?
Rosie - I'll have to take pot luck, it seems hur hur
Kim - With my next warming brue
Tuj - My aerosol is full of foam!
Rosie - So I took it to a party
Raak - I set it off, it was such fun!
Software - Until the host got arsey
penelope - The back door to my wardrobe
Software - Leads to somewhere pleasant
Rosie - But none but me shall know just what
Raak - 'S my secret way to the Crescent. Was that a hint that the time draws near?
Rosie - I'm glad I'm not a snooker ball
Software - A-cannon'd 'cross the baize
penelope - In a crumbling, shabby snooker hall
Raak - Long past the snooker craze.
penelope - I'd like to be a simple slug
Raak - That lives on lettuce leaves
Rosie - And not an intellectual one
Phil - Cos I'm as thick as thieves
Rosie - I wish I were an artist
Kim - In hip-hop, rap or grime
Phil - Like Snoop or Dizzee Rascal
Software - On telly I would mime
penelope - I wish I had a stronger voice
Kim - Than Andrea Boceli
Software - I wouldn't need a microphone
Rosie - I'd just give it some welly.
Software - I wish I were a brewer
Raak - I'd brew by intuition
Bismarck - And through my kilt - a bonny filter -
penelope - Make fuel for self-ignition
Bismarck - I wish I were a poet's muse
penelope - To help him from confusion
Rosie - Inspiring people like Ted Hughes
Chalky - Who couldn't rhyme for toffee
Kim - Mmmm....toffee.....
CdM - I wish that I'd known Sylvia Plath
Rosie - And what it was that depressed her
penelope - So lead her down my primrose path
Software - So maybe she would have felt much better
Chalky - I wish I was a messenger
Software - Telegram in hand
penelope - To warn of your investiture
Raak - As fairest in the land. [pen] Well rhymed.
penelope - I wish I were a lightning bolt [Raak] Ta. I had to 'do research'.
Bismarck - That lights the thunderhead
Software - I'd strike you where it hurts the most
Giertrud - When in your marriage-bed!
Kim - One really should be careful
Raak - When taunting grizzly bears
Rosie - Not to mention woodland
Software - Where it leaves its wares
Rosie - I'm glad I'm not a toothpick
penelope - A-poking tushypegs
Software - Getting chewed and rather slimy
penelope - A-poking round for dregs That'll do.
Rosie - I wish I were a lumberjack Shut up at the back.
Raak - That leapt from tree to tree
Software - I'd hold my chopper in my hand Steady on ...
CdM - And wield it lustily
penelope - A lumberjack, or lumberjill
Raak - Which would I rather be?
Rosie - I'm lucky to have got the choice
Software - Fluid gender - that is me
Kim - I'm going on my holiday
Rosie - I'd better tell my boss
penelope - The whole team's coming with me
Software - 'Cos they don't give a toss
Raak - I wish I were in Switzerland
Rosie - Where I've stashed my loot
CdM - Instead I'm stuck in Lichtenstein
Software - A tax haven too to boot
penelope - I'm just a gnome in Zurich
Raak - Amassing piles of gold
Software - Hiding it most secretly
penelope - Until this rhyme gets old More than a week without a last line, folks. Time for it to go.
Software - It'll all be held in secret
Bismarck - Grey suits in smoke-filled rooms
Rosie - The guns are on the table
penelope - While they're eating magic 'shrooms Mercy killing, innit.
Rosie - I wish I were an actor
Software - A star of the West End
Phil - I'd call myself 'Evadne'
penelope - Who's paid for 'Let's pretend'.
Bismarck - What is it about recent third lines that caused a promising start to peter out?
My recipe for Christmas cake
penelope - Is mostly stout and gin
Raak - The Christmas pudding that I'll make
Software - 'll have none of the above in. hic!
penelope - Some doggerel for Friday
Superman - Is what we chiefly need
Software - To help forget the current mess
Bismarck - Let good times be decreed! .
KagomeShuko - A frog is in my pocket
Giertrud - And out it wants to leap
gil - I'm tempted just to lock it
Phil - Up tightly in The Keep
Software - Neat
Software - What I really want for Christmas
Rosie - Would tell you quite a lot
penelope - About the piss-poor State of Things
Bismarck - That pertain in Camelot!
Raak - I wish I'd reached enlightenment
Phil - Before I bought that drink
Rosie - Such clarity of thought has gone
Superman - That Nirvana's on the blink.
penelope - I wish I'd bought some fishing line
Software - Because now I cannot cast
Raak - To catch these drones that spy on me
gil - (I wish I hadn't asked.)
Software - If I'd been born a reindeer
Rosie - I'd fear all polar bears and covalent ones
Phil - But since I am a penguin
gil - I know them bears ain't there
Bismarck - Dawn came up like thunder
Raak - Noon brought raging sun
Rosie - The sky was rent asunder
Giertrud - By an angry Kim Jong Un.
Phil - I wish that I liked Christmas
Rosie - But I'm a grouchy sod
penelope - Who waits til it's all over
Software - Proclaiming "Oh, thank God"
penelope - I wish than I liked whisky *hypothetically obvs*
Rosie - 'Cos I've got twenty litres
Software - I'm told it makes one frisky
penelope - But I like margaritas
Chalky - I have no favourite cocktail
Raak - I'll drink just anything
Rosie - Pass the paraffin, say I
Software - To me it tastes like gin
Bismarck - Now Hogmanay is ending
Software - The Haggis will get stale
Superman - So Burns' Night was invented
penelope - To use up cakes and ale
Rosie - I wish I were a porcupine
Software - Tho' I'd still be just as spiky
penelope - Cos unable to recline supine
penelope - Would lose you sleep, by crikey! You do it next time then!
Superman - The boy stood on the burning deck time for an old traditional
Software - There was panic all around
Kim - The hairs were signed around his neck this one might run for a few verses
Raak - But still he stood his ground.
Kim - He shouted to the Captain,
Rosie - My smartphone's up the spout
Software - But the Captain didn't give a toss
Raak - He'd already gotten out.
penelope - I don't need much for dinner
Kim - A loaf of bread will do
Raak - And just a little caviar
Rosie - You know, that fishy goo.
Software - I wish I'd been a buccaneer
penelope - Sacking galleons and cities
Superman - An enterprising privateer
Rosie - Saying "Ha-harrr" and whistling ditties.
penelope - The Budget sets our spending
Rosie - Unless we're rolling in it innit?
Software - It is sure to increase lending
Kim - By 14p a minute.
penelope - If I were riding on a train
Rosie - That called at Clapham Junction
Kim - Onto the tracks below I'd drain
Knobbly - My bowels, without compunction. pretty much oblig.
Kim - [Knobbly] I suspect that you, me and Rosie were probably ad idem on that one. Not sure about pen.
Simons Mith - I let out such a holler
Raak - That it woke th'Antipodes
Rosie - I'd lost my final dollar
Simons Mith - To arbitration fees
Software - I wish I had a hobby horse
Bismarck - That I could ride around on;
Kim - One I had purchased second-hand
KagomeShuko - But it was bro-kon< reveal
Bismarck - The Ancient Mariner went by
Software - Waitrose on his way
penelope - To pick up twenty artichokes
Raak - And twenty bales of hay.
Superman - My ancient Marina still goes
Raak - Like an elephant in its last throes
Rosie - If those aren't the first two lines of a limerick I'm a baobab tree
Raak - Oops.
Bismarck - Which is what happened and where it happened way back in 1973.
Rosie, you don't half set some tricky scansion.
Rosie - (Bismarck) Well, it's clerihew, isn't it?
Rosie - I wish I were a mariner
Bismarck - So I could stop a wedding guestreveal
penelope - From smashing up the porringer
Kim - And spilling gravy down his chest
penelope - I wish I were a gavy boat
The Bisto Kid - *gravy
Kim - And not a gravy train
Software - Then scruffy kids would sniff me
penelope - And not use me for gain.
Bismarck - I think I see the reason
Kim - Why I'm such a slob
Rosie - Cos whate'er be the season
Software - I never get a job
Raak - I'd love to be a Vandal
Rosie - Smashing things for fun reveal
Raak - reveal
Kim - But I was born Attila
Bismarck - Just the day job for a Hun.
KagomeShuko - The movies that I have not seen
Giertrud - I also have not heard
Superman - And subtitles have never been
Software - The last and final word
Superman - V. nice...!
Rosie - I wish I were a photon
Software - Going at the speed of light
Raak - My local time would never change
penelope - But relatives' just might
Bismarck - This rhyming lark is really great!
Simons Mith - It's better than a parrot
Superman - Which is dead in any case
penelope - From overdose of claret Thanks for the parrot rhyme challenge, Simons, I was determined not to carrot it.
Superman - O for the wings of a dove!
Rosie - To escape the malevolent hawk
Software - So somebody give me a shove
KagomeShuko - And look away while I squawk.
KagomeShuko - pen, I can think of ferret, garret, and merit right off . . .
Simons Mith - I should have picked the mynah bird :-)
gil - But watch out for that beak!
penelope - Its repertoire is quite absurd [KS] I'll give you ferret/merit and parrot/garret (almost) but there are no other relations by rhymeration at all in that bundle o' words.
Raak - That's why it is not cheep!
Raak - Yes, "beak" and "cheep" are perfect rhymes. In a sense. Which I have just made up.
Rosie - (pen, penult) I know you don't live in a garrett but have you driven any of these monsters?
Let the horizontal rule -
KagomeShuko - My boyfriend drives a Monster Truck
penelope - A redneck through and through Perhaps generalising unfairly, but this is poetry, not real-life
Raak - He votes for Trump and says "Yee-haw!" ditto
Rosie - And is fluent in Urdu.
penelope - A Monday morning task for me
Bismarck - Is started in the afternoon;
Rosie - This may seem paradoxical
penelope - But Mondays come around too soon. Mercy
Software - I think somebody's pulling the wool
Scansion Police - Now then, Mr Software, how many feet does a glow-worm have? de-Dum de-Dum de-Dum Dum, remember? I wish I were a glow worm. So...

I think somebody's pulling

Kim - The wool over our eyes
Rosie - 'Cos we know what they're up to
Raak - Despite the lizards' lies.
Raak - (UN-altered REPRODUCTION and DISSEMINATION of this IMPORTANT Information is ENCOURAGED, ESPECIALLY to COMPUTER BULLETIN BOARDS.)
Kim - Un-altered reproduction
Rosie - No mutations, please reveal
Bismarck - Important information
Superman - Online, not on trees.
Rosie - I wish I were a bouncer
Raak - Like my friend Zebedee
Software - I'd round them up for bedtime
penelope - "Brush teeth and have a pee!"
KagomeShuko - In Glasgow there was a cow
Raak - Ee-aye-ee-aye-oh
Kim - Sadly, it isn't there now
Software - so I just won't go
Bismarck - I wish I could do scansion
Kim - Just like a real poet
Software - But do you know what?
Juxtapose - I tend to write whatever rhymes and just add a line below it.
Kim - I wish I were a lemur
Raak - With a stripy, fluffy tail
Software - I'd hang around the jungle
Giertrud - And drink a pint of ale.
KagomeShuko - I've never been to Glasgow
Bismarck - Nor said "Och aye the noo"
Software - Because I live in Edinburgh
Rosie - And have a broader view.
Kim - I wish I were a Scotsman
Raak - I'd eat haggis every day
Superman - And many a deoch an doruis
Bismarck - Would send me on my way.
I wish I were a Geordie
Kim - Just like Ant or Dec
Software - I'd pretend to be all cheery
penelope - While miserable as feck. soz
drquuxum - I wish I weren't a Yankee       I prefer the demonym "Yinzer" these days
Rosie - Well, mate, try being Welsh (drqu) According to Wikipaedia that refers to Pittsburgh only, whereas Yankee.....
penelope - Or festering or manky This one seems to have taken a terrible turn. Sorry about that
Kim - Just like Sir Toby Belsh. tch...
Rosie - (Kim) What are my initials doing sitting there after your posting? Would you like my phone number?
Kim - (Tch) No, but you can have mine if you can suggest a word that rhymes with "Welsh".
Superman - Now Lloyd George knew my father
penelope - Father knew him back See what I did there?
Raak - But Lloyd George would rather
Giertrud - Scratch at his itchy sack! (sorry not sorry...)
penelope - Losing pluck on a slack afternoon I want to go home to tea and the sofa
Rosie - The arms of Morpheus beckoned (Kim) Um, er .... Not one of my better ones. (Giertud) My mother met LLoyd George.
Software - The metre's slightly wonky
Kim - I was tireder than I'd reckoned
penelope - I wish I were a fairy But knowing my luck I'd be like Mavis in Willo the Wisp.
Phil - With Edna as my foe [pen] What a great programme.
[Superman] L G actually did know my great-grandfather.
Giertrud - I'd dance upon the flowers
Software - Then stamp upon your toe
Kim - I wish I were an ombudsman
Raak - At bureaucrats I'd glower
Rosie - And rap their knuckles till they bled
Software - Because I'd have that power!
Giertrud - I wish I had a sailboat
Raak - To sail the Seven Seas
Software - But hang on, I get seasick
Rosie - In the slightest breeze.
Phil - I wish I lived in Yorkshire.
Kim - On Ilkley Moor I'd roam
Rosie - Neglecting hypothermia
Raak - Baht 'at I'd ne'er come home.
Software - I wish I were a busker
drquuxum - Showing all my artistic skill
Superman - By plucking my guitar strings
Rosie - On top of Blueberry Hill.
penelope - I wish I were a busker's cap
Raak - Filling up with money
Software - I'd please my strumming partner
Rosie - 'Cos 'e needs the ackers, du'n 'e?
Superman - I wish I had three wishes
drquuxum - And three wishes for each wish
Software - And so on ad infinitum
Bismarck - Very genie-ish.
Software - I wish that I'd been Guy Fawkes
Rosie - With gunpowder, treason and plot
Bismarck - 'Cos I would have succeeded
penelope - 'Cos it turned out, he did not.
Simons Mith - The natives all get restive
Raak - About this time of year
CdM - They're unready to be festive
Rosie - And won't even drink beer.
penelope - I do enjoy an autumn gale The Xmas-tree-in-a-pot fell over this morning
Bismarck - That blows the leaves clear off the trees Here it carried the fumes from the burning waffle factory over the South of the city.
KagomeShuko - The birds don't need a winter home.
Software - So let them freeze their knees
penelope - I wish I felt like working
Kim - But sadly I do not
Raak - I've spent the whole day shirking
penelope - And haven't done a jot.
Software - I wish I were a Christmas elf
Raak - A slave in Santa's grotto
Rosie - Keeping dark thoughts to myself
Bismarck - And working 'cos I've got to.
CdM - I wish I had a sinecure
penelope - I'd like to do f*ck all
Software - I'd be just like a Tory
Rosie - As in the House I sprawl.
Bismarck - A good cure for stomach ache
Raak - Is hair of t'dog that bit you
Rosie - I don't mean too much Christmas cake
penelope - Or else your clothes won't fit you.
Kim - My New Year's resolution
Rosie - Is not the usual thing
CdM - It's to find a solution
Kim - To all this Brexiting. [ Oblig., and with apologies for posting out of turn.]
Juxtapose - I'm going to be a hermit
Rosie - 'Cos I'm an ugly sod
penelope - Unless it needs a permit Phew - only took me threre days to trhink of something that wasn't 'Kermit'
Raak - To sit upon yer tod.
Rosie - I wish I were a traffic light
Kim - In Balham's High Road, yon
KagomeShuko - I'd stop all the birds in flight
Software - But would then be sh*t upon
penelope - I'm not a first line hogger
Raak - The second's fine for me
Software - Then again I am a blogger
Kim - Of abysmal poetry
Superman - I wrote some poems lately
Raak - I think they're rather good
penelope - The metre goes sedately
Rosie - Like semolina pud.
Kim - I wish I were a trochee
Rosie - Such a wild ambition!
Software - But my metre would be far too short
blamelewis - And never reach fruition
Juxtapose - The night was dark and stormy
penelope - Inside, the fire was bright
Raak - A glass of fine Old Tawny
Bismarck - Helped set the world aright.
blamelewis - The day was fresh and breezy
Kim - The trees danced in the wind
Software - Spring's just around the corner
Rosie - Let gloves and hats be binned.
penelope - The temperature dropped slowly
Raak - Defying hopes of Spring
Software - So back out with the woollies
Rosie - Not my idea of bling.
Juxtapose - I treat my fleas with honey
Superman - I loan them to my wife
Bismarck - It costs her lots of money
Software - She says "Oi Vey! My Life!"
Rosie - When supping with The Devil
Raak - I use my longest spoon
Software - The one that is quite runcible
penelope - To offer him a prune.
penelope - When taking tea with Mater
KagomeShuko - I always add some milk.
Rosie - So let me call the waiter
blamelewis - Or someone of that ilk.
KagomeShuko - I need a new T.V. set
penelope - To watch new TV shows
Rosie - My eyes will need a reset
Juxtapose - I stared so much they froze
blamelewis - I want to be with people
Rosie - Intent on revolution
Raak - Not lie down with the sheeple
Kim - And hope for absolution.
blamelewis - I wish to make a statement
Raak - Of my own theorEE
Superman - That laws on noise abatement
Rosie - Should be sung pp.
KagomeShuko - My piano is a monster
Kim - That lives beneath my bed
Juxtapose - My mother says it haunts her
penelope - It plays inside her head.
KagomeShuko - I cannot wear this headscarf
blamelewis - As I have misplaced my head
penelope - And so, because I'm headless
Raak - I think I must be dead.
Rosie - I wish I were a drawing pin
Kim - Holding up a drawing
Superman - 'Cos I love it when you push me in
penelope - And change my cool to 'thawing' Have I denied someone else a go at rhyming this? Soz...
Juxtapose - I wish I could procrastinate
Rosie - I'll practise it some day
Kim -
Kim -
blamelewis - But when I get around to it [Kim - nice :)]
Chalky -
Chalky - I wish I had a parakeet
Rosie - I'd chat to it all day
Kim - It wouldn't get a word in, and
KagomeShuko - I have a lot to say
penelope - I wish I had a wind turbine
Raak - To place atop this hill
Kim - To generate some leccy and
Rosie - Sell it to Brazil.
Simons Mith - Brazilian electricity
Superman - Just sambas through the wires
Rosie - Its elegant lubricity
KagomeShuko - Shines as bright as fires.
Simons Mith - Definitely crispworthy, that one.

Is your fire dull and lethargic?

Simons Mith - [If that's not glow-wormy enough, feel free to kick it to the kerb.]
Rosie - If so, it needs more draught I could do with a good draught
Raak - Anoint it with some spagyric
penelope - (The fan of alchemistic craft) Owwwww.
KagomeShuko - Hmm, let's try to get back to some good meter and rhyme here . . . hopefully.

If I had an ardvark
Rosie - I'd set a leopard on it being basically a nasty sod
Software - But as it's armour plated
Kim - [Software] As what is armour plated?
Rosie - (Kim) Shurely the aardvark.
Simons Mith - The leopard might not wannit.
Juxtapose - I quite liked that one.
Simons Mith - Yes, you can bring a leopard to an aardvark, but...
Bismarck -
If I had a leopard
Rosie - And took it for a walk
Raak - I then would be in jeopard'
Simons Mith - And passers-by would squawk.
Kim - [Rosie, Software] But there is no aardvark. The aardvark is merely conjectural. A merely conjectural aardvark cannot be armour-plated.
Rosie - (Kim) Logically, a conjectural aardvark may take any form whatever within the confines of overall aardvarkiness. It is my contention that such limits do not exclude armour plating or, indeed, a chastity belt.
Kim - [Rosie] Agreed, but then ipso facto the armour would also be conjectural.
penelope - [Kim]. Nooo, if it wasn't for the chastity belt, then the amour is conjugal.
Let the Horizontal Rule -
KagomeShuko - I don't regret my snarkiness
Superman - In fact, it makes me proud
Kim - With just one pithy put-down, I [Pen: agreed, but for successful conjugation you have to be in the right mood.]
penelope - I stand above the crowd
Rosie - I wish I were a chainsaw
penelope - Zig-zagging through a pine Dutch for 'saw' (n.) is zaag innit.
Juxtapose - Instead I'm just a plain saw
KagomeShuko - Cutting through a vine
blamelewis - I wish I were a genie [pen] I love these linguistic things... Thanks for your "zaagacity"
Raak - To grant your every wish
penelope - As long as it was weenie
Rosie - Cos I am skint. Well, -ish.
Simons Mith - I rubbed the lamp with vigour
Rosie - Its magic to arouse
Raak - Its puff of smoke grew bigger
Chalky - As modesty allows.
KagomeShuko - An apparition formed
blamelewis - Then coughed amidst the smoke
Software - "What the hell's this all about?"
KagomeShuko - "Is this some kind of joke?
Simons Mith - "Here, try this can of Brasso"
Superman - "You'll find it's just the thing"
Raak - One drop in your espresso
KagomeShuko - Will start you vomiting reveal
Let the Horizontal Rule -
Giertrud - Well, that's not what I wanted
Superman - I wonder what went wrong?
Rosie - I wanted twenty Bensons
Kim - Not George and his love song
Rosie - I'm glad I'm not a buffalo
Raak - I'd rather bison be
Software - But either way I'm horny
KagomeShuko - So, I think I'll hump this tree.
Superman - An aardvark is a silly pet
Software - I'd rather have a pig;
Rosie - They're brainy; I would talk to it (KagomeShuko) Ace filth. Ardderchog yn wir
KagomeShuko - And find a whirligig
Software - I'm glad I'm not a Tory
Bismarck - As I read in the "Mail"
Raak - The Brexit backstop story
Rosie - Is now the Holy Grail Er, whatever that means
Raak - I love to take cold showers
Rosie - A masochist, that's me
Software - I feel like Austin Powers
Pablo - But look like Mr T
Software - I wish that I were clever
Superman - Like Carol Vorderman
Software - But sadly I am dosy
So I do just what I can Mercy killing
Raak - The season is upon us
Rosie - To spend a load of dosh
KagomeShuko - I've bought 47 presents
Software - From Harrods 'cos I'm posh
Rosie - If you need a reason
Bismarck - Why I'm standing here like this
Simons Mith - The cubicles are taken up
Software - And I'm bursting for a p*ss Well, someone had to
Raak - Inspired by an encounter with a few uncommon words...

If you chance to feel fatigue
All you need's a little feague
Leave egrote and all uhtceare
There's nothing quite like being heare.

feague: to thrust a live eel up a horse's fundament; generally, to excite or jolly along.
egrote: to feign sickness as an excuse for not working.
uhtceare: pre-dawn anxiety regarding the forthcoming day.

Juxtapose - I have a cheap thesaurus
CdM - An inexpensive low-priced book
Raak - It's economical to use
Rosie - Just open it, and look
KagomeShuko - All my hair's now orange
Rosie - Dichromate Dierdre, that's me
Chalky - I'm bang on trend says Twitter
Software - Like Trump, I'm perfect, see
Rosie - I wish I were a journalist
Software - Writing porky pies Like Boris Johnson
Bismarck - And very conscientiously
Superman - Crossing T's and dotting I's.
Chalky - I have no need for artifice
Raak - My beauty's clear to all
Rosie - Untainted e'en by dentifrice
Software - I await the curtain call
Rosie - I wish I were a washing-line
Juxtapose - Instead I'm just strung out
Chalky - Perhaps a glass of summer wine
Raak - Would help cure me of gout.
Pablo - I think I'll take a holiday
CdM - In Bali or Majorca
Software - Just somewhere warm and sunny
Chalky - And some distance from my stalker
KagomeShuko - I went to see the rodeo
Juxtapose - To watch the broncos bucking careful ...
Raak - And after that excitement
Rosie - I was knackered, so no fucking. (Juxt) Great care taken
Software - I wish I were an MEP
Rosie - Poking fun at Farage
Bismarck - And in the Strasbourg cafes
Chalky - I'd swerve the milkshake barrage
Raak - I wish I were an astronaut
CdM - 'Cos I'd love astronauting
Rosie - Wow, that zero gravity
Software - Can be really quite exhausting
Superman - I wish I were B. Johnson
Raak - And lived in No. 10
Software - Then I'd really f*ck the country up
Rosie - 'Cos I'm a pathogen
Software - Phew, here comes a heatwave
Bismarck - It really isn't fair
Rosie - The gents perspire, the ladies glow
Raak - The nannies merely glare.
Chalky - I wish I had the confidence
CdM - To tell you what I think
penelope - Instead, I have the diffidence
Raak - To say, "Let's have a drink!"
Chalky - Let's raise a glass to pen today
Simons Mith - A glass a-brim with cheer
Rosie - Normality is back - hooray!
Dujon - Unless I have to pay
Rosie - My garden is a wilderness
Superman - And carefully neglected
Raak - I'm lacking in green fingeredness
penelope - Since I became elected.
Simons Mith - They'll never overthrow me
Chalky - 'Cause I weigh 200 lbs
Rosie - They could bring in the heavies, though
Superman - That is out of bounds. mercy killing
Simons Mith - I tried to bowl a googly
Rosie - The batsman was not fooled
Raak - He whacked it straight back to me
Software - But 'no ball' was what was ruled.
Rosie - I'm glad I'm not a bus stop
Software - On a lonely country road
Chalky - As transport hub I've reached the top
Superman - An "important transport node" Hooray!
Software - I'm glad I'm not in parliament
Rosie - It seems more like a zoo
Bismarck - There's an eagle and a johnber cow oh dear oh dear sorry sorry
Superman - That's often heard to moo.
Simons Mith - It's time to fetch an adult
Software - The kids do run amok
Simons Mith - You'd think at least the House of Lords
CdM - Would give a flying fuck pretty much forced, I think
Bismarck - The days are drawing in now
Software - Soon winter will be here
Superman - Hibernation is an option
Raak - I'll see you all next year.
Bismarck - Switch on the Bluetooth speaker
Simons Mith - THEN TURN THE VOLume down
Rosie - Or else your ears will hiss all night
Software - Because your eardrums' blown
Superman - I feed my fish on plastic
rab - They like it lightly fried
Simons Mith - They eat and eat and eat and eat
Raak - They were fine, until they died.
rab - If something seems a bit awry
Rosie - Just go back to bed
Software - It'll be alright in the morning
Raak - Or if not, I'll be dead.
Bismarck - I found this Roman candle
rab - Burning very bright
Simons Mith - But when it gave a sudden phut
Software - I dropped the thing in fright
Rosie - I wish I had the aptitude
rab - To fix a leaking tap
Software - But my handiness with spanners
Rosie - Is, alas, just crap I have taken the liberty of putting this one out of its misery.
Software - I wish I had a castle
Raak - With a moat both wide and deep
Simons Mith - I'd stock it up with crocodiles
Rosie - Don't stand too close - they leap.
KagomeShuko - If I controlled the weather
Software - I'd have the sun shine every day;
Simons Mith - And moonshine every evening till
Rosie - My liver wouldn't play.
Software - I think I'll leave the country
Raak - For a better one by far
penelope - One that welcomes foreigners
CdM - I'm thinking... Myanmar?
Rosie - If I had a catapult
KagomeShuko - I'd gather all the rocks
Simons Mith - I'd launch them with a gleeful twang
Software - While standing in my socks
Simons Mith - I think I'll buy a mangonel
Rosie - They're cheap these days, I'm told
Raak - I'd mount it on a carousel
Superman - And paint the whole thing gold.
Rosie - When I become emperor Mwa ha ha
Software - Things will change, you'll see
Pablo - I'll begin to live ex tempora [Rosie] Good enough?
Superman - To reach immortality.
Rosie - (Pablo) Witty but misspelt. (tempore) Sorree!
Software - I wish I were a porn star risque mode
Rosie - Impressively equipped
Raak - My everything quite monsta
Bismarck - Though certain bits are snipped.
penelope - I wish I were a traffic jam
Raak - Layered gooseberry, orange, and plum
Rosie - Tasty, sticky immobility
Superman - Hmmmnunumnummmuhrrmnum.
KagomeShuko - If I had an elephant
Rosie - I'd place him in a room
Raak - I'd take care not to mention it
Software - In case it bringeth doom
Simons Mith - A honey badger in the loft
KagomeShuko - Says he doesn't care [oblig]
Superman - About the ever-rising floods
Software - Because he isn't there
KagomeShuko - Koalas ask for drinks from bikers
Simons Mith - I think we're all stumped. The rhythm's not right. How about...
When the Drop Bear needs a drink
Bismarck - It asks the nearest biker
Superman - Who answers thus in dulcet tone:
Software - Sorry, there's none. mercy killing
Rosie - I wish I were a virus oblig.
Software - To medicine immune
Raak - I'd make your atoms into mine
penelope - And your DNA subsume.
Simons Mith - I cough and sneeze and splutter
Raak - And spray my bugs on you
Radox The Green - Which makes you think, "What utter
penelope - plain ignorance.' It's true.
Rosie - I contemplate the garden
Software - I do it from my chair
Simons Mith - I look at all the rampant weeds
CdM - And frankly, I don't care
Radox The Green - I've just been down to Waitrose
Software - Where the shelves are bare
penelope - But lemongrass and bamboo shoots
CdM - Are non-essential fare
Simons Mith - I just couldn't live without kale
Simons Mith - Sorry, the 'without' puts it into limerick metre. I'll have another go.
Simons Mith -
I've got to have my kale leaves
Raak - Ground into bright green soup
Bismarck - Then seasoned lightly, not too much,
Software - Sounds disgusting gloop
Simons Mith - There Was a Cat

I'd like to claim I'd illustrated it myself but that won't fool anyone.
Bismarck - Priceless. But it's not signed "By Simons Mith, aged 7 1/4"?
Simons Mith - Nah, my handwriting's not that neat now. It does belatedly occur to me that to protect against future 404s I should have put the poem in as alt text.
Y tanllinellwr -
Rosie - I wish I were a drawing
Software - Sketched out with a 6B
Raak - My fine sfumato showing
penelope - My outline, fuzzily.
Simons Mith - [pen] Lovely ending. Doffs hat and bows.

A muse that's soft and furry

Rosie - But lightning fast of paw
CdM - Always ends up blurry
Raak - Crunched by a feline's jaw.
Radox The Green - I wish I were a Spring day
Rosie - However unpredictable
KagomeShuko - In the sunshine, I would play.
Raak - Till rain uncontradictable.
CdM - I wish I were a foggy morn
Rosie - Silent, cold and still
Raak - Dead bodies strewn o'er meadow's dawn
KagomeShuko - It's just the birds that kill.
Software - I test my eyes by driving
Bismarck - In thickest fog at night;
Simons Mith - I haven't had a pile-up yet
Raak - Hop in! Do you think I might?
Bismarck - I thought I saw a pterosaur
Rosie - A-flapping up to me Tune: Diadem
Software - But it's just a seagull
KagomeShuko - As you can plainly see. oblig.
Simons Mith - I've spotted spots before my eyes
Rosie - Like aerated turds they're floaters
Software - Am I looking at a leopard?
Simons Mith - Or a group of stoner voters?
Rosie - I wish I were a meteor
penelope - A-streaking down from space
Raak - I'd spread fire over all the Earth
Superman - And wipe t'smile off your face.
penelope - I wish a were a fountan pen
Rosie - My nickname being "Her Nibs"
Software - I'd leave blobs of ink o'er the place
Raak - To show that I'd first dibs.
CdM - I wish I were a fountain, pen
Rosie - Spraying like a dirty tom
KagomeShuko - I'd dirty all your clothing, then
Software - Put my cap back on
Rosie - I'm glad I'm not a rabbit
Software - 'Cos I'd hate my floppy ears
penelope - To dangle in the gravy
KagomeShuko - and be brown for years
Simons Mith - My soup has got a hare in
Software - Call the waiter, please!
Rosie - It squawks like Orla Guerin
KagomeShuko - And has a bunch of fleas!
Software - I wish I were a gremlin
Rosie - Just like Maxwell's Demon
Raak - I'd lurk within the Kremlin
KagomeShuko - And party with lost seamen.
CdM - I wish I were a demon
penelope - At Dominoes or Bridge
Software - Then I'd have a reason
Rosie - To expect privilege
KagomeShuko - If all my dreams and wishes
Software - Were to come true on this day
nfras - I think I'd wish for something
Raak - That would make me feel gay.
nfras - Oh, to be in England
KagomeShuko - Where the sun shines on the Thames
Simons Mith - The pedalos go stately by I was by the Thames yesterday, with a good friend. It was a perfect afternoon. And you can now hire pedalos in Kingston.
Software - While thunderstorms portend English summer - two hot days ....
KagomeShuko - If I were a poltergeist
penelope - I'd hang around the stairs
Software - Manipulating all the paintings
Radox The Green - To take you unawares.
Simons Mith - If you should meet a banshee
Raak - Upon a misty night
KagomeShuko - You are prob'ly Irish
Software - And very likely tight
Simons Mith - The Pouring of the Liquids
Raak - On this Momentous Day I have NO idea what this is about.
Rosie - Unites the whole of Dollis Hill
CdM - On this Momentous Day Not sure if this is finished yet.
KagomeShuko - CdM - On this Momentous Day Not sure if this is finished yet.

On the first railway.
Raak - O'er the silvery Tay. More McGonagall than limerick, I think.
Software - I ply in my old dingy
Software - Bit of a cock-up there:

try again:

Software - I wish I could sail my dingy
Bismarck - Old schooner better than now;
penelope - My rigging looks like knitting [Softers - did you mean dinghy? We're running with 'dingy' now anyway!]
Rosie - A dustbin makes up the prow Going with the flow
KagomeShuko - I wish I could see unicorns
Software - Then Brexit may be real
penelope - My bum would not look big in this
Rosie - It is though - just feel. Sorry, pen
penelope - When planning expeditions *sigh* Not much of that going on right now
Raak - There's nothing left to chance
Software - My pack includes the kitchen sink
nfras - To wash my hands in France
Rosie - I am the Surrey puma
penelope - A folklore cat or fable [p, R, S, n - handwashing one is very pleasing]
KagomeShuko - I roam the streets of Londontown
Raak - And prey as I am able.
Software - I never was a boy scout
Simons Mith - The practice makes me boggle
Raak - I never learned to tie a knot
Rosie - Or how to fix my woggle oblig.
penelope - I was a useless Brownie
Software - For each badge I failed
nfras - Not one was sewn upon my sash
KagomeShuko - Instead, they all were nailed.
Giertrud - please hospital no more Jevity!}
penelope - [hi Giertrud - good to see you & assuming you're startig a lim here...(and googling 'jevity')]
I'm failing to eat it with levity!
penelope - oh poop. I made a line for a lim and it should have been a Glow. Maybe someone has the skillz to rescue it.
Simons Mith - Some Bailey's instead (Nah, it shows promise; let's stick with it)
[Giertrud] we've been thinking of you]
Bismarck - And I'm out if this bed If, in any way, the people who branded Jevity were thinking of "long" Jevity, then they need to be duffed up in the corner there
Software - And ending my stay with brevity
penelope - OK, after that sonsensual and experiential digression into limerickhood, now back to glow-worms
When boredom comes a-calling
Raak - I beat it from my door
Software - Just by going down the pub
KagomeShuko - And drinking pints and more
Rosie - I wish I were a monstrous weed shaddap at the back.
Simons Mith - That constantly was spreading
penelope - Through broadcast of its monstrous seed
Software - And foliage a-shedding
KagomeShuko - I want to go to Londontown
CdM - And wear my Londonshoes
Simons Mith - I'd saunter round the Londonstreets
Raak - And read the Londonnews.
CdM - And then I'd sing the Londonblues reveal
penelope - Of life in Londontown
Pablo - The streets, the sights, the Londonlights
Superman - Which are the Londoncrown.
Simons Mith - But I'm stuck here in Merseyside
CdM - (Lord have mercy on my soul)
penelope - I'm grooving at the Cavern Club
Software - Before I get my dole
KagomeShuko - CdM I'd say the second glowworm worked, too.
I think I'll go to Anfield
Rosie - Should be nice and quiet
Superman - I'll either hand out toffees reveal
Software - But that's Everton, don't try it!
KagomeShuko - My mind has gone to mushy bits
Simons Mith - (Potatoes but not peas) Now I'm getting hungry too
penelope - To find a rhyme for 'mushy' it's
Software - Difficult to please
KagomeShuko - When I am straddle-ing the fence
Raak - The barbed wire can be painful
Rosie - And, what's more, there's no defence
penelope - This stance is never gainful.
Software - What will be of Halloween?
CdM - In 2021?
Raak - Will we be extinct by then?
KagomeShuko - Or have lots of fun?
Rosie - I have a brand-new T-shirt
Radox The Green - With holes slashed here and there
KagomeShuko - It's the brand new style
Bismarck - And they call it "evening wear".
Chalky - Whilst visiting old stamping grounds
Rosie - They all said "Who is this?"
Bismarck - "He's never paid for any rounds"
Software - "He always takes the piss"
Software - What I want for Christmas
Rosie - Cannot be bought online
Simons Mith - The cost of postage on its own
Chalky - My PayPal would decline
Chalky - The reindeer is a puzzling beast
Raak - With such a red, red, nose
Bismarck - And its nocturnal flights may be
Software - With Santa, I suppose
Simons Mith - A monkey with a blue, blue arse
Raak - Has one thing on its mind
KagomeShuko - Lifting lions to the sky
Chalky - Is not it, you will find
Simons Mith - I think this form may have potential.

A tapir with a long, long nose

Rosie - Sniffs the mountain air
Superman - While Delphic oracles propose
KagomeShuko - He smells a grizzly bear.
Chalky - The narwhal with its long long tooth
Software - Does the dentist fear
Raak - For if it should be taken out
Knobbly - Its narwhal friends may jeer not great, but play seemed to have stalled
Rosie - The rhino with its mighty horn Shuddup at the back
Software - Stands out among the crowd
penelope - And those that would the rhino scorn
Simons Mith - – Viagra does them proud
KagomeShuko - We haven't seen a bird all year
Rosie - Nor wildcat, pig or mole
Raak - The ’pocalypse is surely here
Chalky - Each horseman played his role
Rosie - I'm glad I'm not a binbag (Chalky) V good - bit of class.
Software - Stuffed in a smelly bin
Chalky - I'd rather be a pin tag (Rosie) thank you!
penelope - Despite the state I'm in.
CdM - I wish I were in Georgia
Chalky - It's always on my mind
Bismarck - Buddy, can you find a vote?
penelope - I'll pay you back in kind.
Software - My people do not like me
Chalky - My servants even less
Raak - My family have disowned me
Superman - Hi, I'm Andrew. Did you guess?
KagomeShuko - I've only thirteen minifridges
Software - To keep my lipstick in True, apparently
Rosie - And as for cold cream just don't ask
Chalky - Just warn your next-of-kin
penelope - The shortage of new jamjars
Raak - Stops me from making jam
Rosie - And that is not the only thing
Software - I do as little as I can
penelope - My colleagues do not like me An intermittent theme, although fictitious
Radox The Green - I wonder why that is?
Rosie - Maybe they are envious
Chalky - That what is mine is his
CdM - My colleagues all adore me! I'm sure this must be true
Rosie - I'm the apple of their eye
Chalky - But when I go bananas
Software - I know that it's a lie
KagomeShuko - My teachers say I'm awesome
penelope - But little do they know
Superman - I’m really just as boresome
Chalky - As Barry Manilow
penelope - They said her name was Lola Going darn the Copa Cobana innit
Chalky - The hottest in Havana
Rosie - Wears corsets and a bowler
Software - In a scintillating manner
Chalky - My Quiz Group do not like me
Radox The Green - I am the Question Master
Software - My questions are impossible
Simons Mith - Why don't they give up faster?
KagomeShuko - I know all the answers
Rosie - The Examiner, that's me
Raak - With every paper I find fault
Software - Which indeed fills me with glee
Chalky - I wish I was a robot
Simons Mith - Made of brass and cogs and wheels
Raak - You're made of atoms I could use
Software - Depending how I feels
Simons Mith - I roll across the battlefield
Rosie - For I am a big cheese
Chalky - The bruised and bloodied cattle yield
Bismarck - As I go where I please.reveal
CdM - I wish I were a Roquefort
Raak - That stank of foul corruption
Software - I'd spread my self upon your bread
Rosie - And cause gaseous eruption.
Chalky - If all the world was brave and new
Raak - And you were by my side
KagomeShuko - I think I'd might run away
Software - Or think of suicide Invoking dark mode
Simons Mith - Why shouldn't we reincarnate?
penelope - Recycling's all the rage!
Rosie - But do not re-invent the wheel
Software - We're not on the same page
Raak - I wish I was a satellite
Superman - And round the world I'd go
KagomeShuko - I might be known to go astray
Rosie - Isaac Newton'd know.
penelope - Just one banana toastie
Software - Then I'll have my lunch
Chalky - A sausage with a roastie
Raak - Deep fried to make it crunch.
Rosie - I should have done some gardening
KagomeShuko - My roses are all brown
Chalky - My runner beans are hardening
Simons Mith - And the weevils are in town
Raak - For just a million dollars
Rosie - My car is up for sale
KagomeShuko - It wears a clerical collar
Chalky - And runs on home-brewed ale
Chalky - I closed my eyes and saw the light
Raak - And knew that death was near
KagomeShuko - He carried thirty-seven scythes
Rosie - But I'm old, and have no fear.
KagomeShuko - I've eaten chicken nuggets reveal
Rosie - I hope they don't react
Software - But I'll just take some precautions
penelope - I'll purge after the fact. euuuwww. Sorry.
Chalky - I sing a song of sixpence
penelope - I don't have much to spend
Rosie - But my birdie pie's a whopper
KagomeShuko - Some money, could you lend?
Software - Simple Simon met a pie man Continuing the theme
Raak - Coming through the rye
Bismarck - Simon said "Give me your pies now"
Rosie - And all he said was "Why?"
Chalky - If I were Jack and you were Jill
Raak - And we were all alone
Rosie - We'd not waste time with hills and pails
Bismarck - We'd be each on our smartphone .
penelope - A tuffet-seated missy
Raak - Was tickled by a spider
KagomeShuko - She pilled her why upon the ground
Rosie - But it should have gone inside her. reveal
Software - A little laddie dressed in blue
KagomeShuko - Slept under a pile of hay reveal
penelope - While livestock ran alas amok
Raak - That night 'twas hell to pay.
Simons Mith - The Duke of York was very grand
Rosie - Ten grand in his charge
Raak - He marched them to the summit, and
Software - Down then, by and large
KagomeShuko - A dragon went into his cave
Raak - To lay on piles of gold
Rosie - All that glister, what a rave (Softers) Brilliantly prosaic
Chalky - But soon its bum turned cold
KagomeShuko - An egg is such a curious thing
Rosie - Bash it and it cracks
Software - But keep it warm for many days
Raak - And you might see it hatch.
Chalky - The owl said to the pussy cat
KagomeShuko - Why is your tail so long?
Bismarck - This pick-up line was met with a
Software - Sling your hook - begone!
KagomeShuko - A man who came from Timbuktu
Raak - Arrived in Samarkand
penelope - And asked to use the nearest loo
Chalky - When things got out of hand
Rosie - I wish I were a painter (Chalky) Disgraceful
Software - Then your house I'd decorate
Raak - I'd paint it all in tangerine
penelope - And display it at the Tate.
KagomeShuko - I've got a huge desire
Software - For a gender change
Chalky - In order to inspire
penelope - A greater thespian range.
Rosie - Now look what you've done Last one v good esp pen. Ardderchog. Pum seren etc etc
KagomeShuko - There's no jelly in the jar
Software - You've eaten all my homemade jam
Raak - And left the fridge ajar.
CdM - You ate the peanut butter
Superman - With sardines spread on toast
Rosie - You're just a greedy nutter
penelope - And you've failed as a host.
Rosie - It's June, and light abounds Sorry, Dujon
KagomeShuko - Tbe fireflies have come.
Raak - Hark! What are those sounds!
Software - The firefly's burning bum
Chalky - The sedge has withered from the lake
Raak - And no bird comes to make his song
Raak - And no bird comes to sing reveal
CdM - That beauteous woman was a fake!
Radox The Green - (Knight's daze is misleading.)
penelope - With bluer skies and lengthening days
Rosie - It's time to set the heath ablaze
Raak - A roaring fire is just the thing
Chalky - To make the roasting pigeons sing - AABB silliness
Chalky - I long to be a glow worm
penelope - A glow worm's never bored
Simons Mith - A butt that shines is all they need
Rosie - To get themselves adored.
Chalky - I yearn to be a clerihew
Raak - But cannot break the mould
KagomeShuko - Boris Johnson is my name.
penelope - Same old, same old, same old.
Software - Soon it'll be midsummer
Raak - The pollen count sky-high
Rosie - 'Cos allergy's a bummer (KagS) So it's you, is it
Chalky - I often question why
CdM - I wish I were an epic
Radox The Green - But I never learned to ep
Software - So I'll stay among the shadows
Chalky - And do so step-by-step
KagomeShuko - I wish I had a genie
Chalky - In a lamp of molten brass
penelope - With a gently glowing yellow light pls pls pls...
Raak - That shines out of his arse. What you had in mind, pen?
penelope - [Raak] Yes, and thank you - but it wasn't just me. You could see the other contributors were all building up to it...
I wish that it were pay day It is actually, but that just means I can afford the poetic license to imagine that it's not
Software - Then for a while I will feel flush
Raak - I'll have a splendid gay day
Rosie - And top up my fund labelled "slush".
penelope - The ration is one verse per week
Software - Or that's what it would seem
Chalky - Such stinginess deserves a tweak
CdM - If we aspire to meme
KagomeShuko - Rationing poems ought to be a crime
Kim - As woeful scansion is
Rosie - Equally, a clunky rhyme
Chalky - Isn't quite the biz
penelope - Such clunkiness in public prose
KagomeShuko - Is common as a loaf of bread
Rosie - So let us roundly condemn those
Chalky - Whose rhymes have no street cred
KagomeShuko - Dogs are funny creatures
Raak - Although they're none too bright
penelope - Their sweet appealing features
Software - Yes, but they smell and bark all night
Chalky - I hope to take a holiday
Raak - In far-off Timbuktoo
Rosie - I hope they've got an airport
Software - And a ladies' loo
penelope - I've booked a short vacation
Bismarck - To somewhere where it's dry
Chalky - Because my medication
Software - Tends to make me high
Radox The Green - Obligatory rhyming
Raak - Is really not so hard
Software - But sometimes it just takes a lot
CdM - ... All right, Software—you're barred!reveal
penelope - I try to make it simple easy
Rosie - 'Cos we're all pretty dim
Software - Our IQ rating is the pits
KagomeShuko - At least it's more than HIM.
Rosie - I wish I were a laser beam
Juxtapose - At least I'd have some focus
Raak - My photons in a single team
Bismarck - Marking out my locus. reveal
A laser beam of sheerly, starkly, unstoppable energy carving an unbridgeable chasm between the previous glow-worm and the following one -
Rosie - I'm glad I'm not anonymous
Software - For then no one would know
penelope - That no one really knows me
Chalky - So won't mourn me when I go
Software - Now I'm really famous
Simons Mith - My TikTok's taken off
Rosie - I'm known worldwide as Seamus
Chalky - The new Rachmaninoff
Raak - Oh! To be in Trebizond
Chalky - In 1461
Simons Mith - I'd say I was Agent Bond Looks like Q's latest gadget is a bit temperamental...
Software - Hello, everyone!
Radox The Green - I need a Covid passport
Raak - To see my Chinese gran
Chalky - The funeral's in Wuhan
Bismarck - Where bats freely disport. [Chalky] Patience, patience
Rosie - And now I've lost my glasses
CdM - I'm drinking from the bottle
Chalky - Much like the swigging masses
KagomeShuko - I can barely waddle.
penelope - Today is not so boring
Chalky - My camel's come for tea
Rosie - Good job I've been storing
Raak - Its favorite raspberree.
Chalky - Whilst brushing up my repartee
Rosie - Of devastating wit
Radox The Green - I found that I was shouted down
penelope - By one entitled tit.
Software - Just because I'm sexy
Raak - Don't take my “no” as “yes”
Chalky - My signals are complex, see?
penelope - My beard, moustache, and dress.
Rosie - Don't just stand there smirking
Chalky - We need some answers fast
penelope - This strategy's not working
CdM - We’re living in the past tbc
Chalky - We must address the elephant
Simons Mith - And use this GPS
Software - Or nothing will get better
nights - And we'll still be in this mess.
penelope - Delivering an elephant
Tuj - The midwife's sternest test?
Rosie - Stand well clear - they're heavy
Software - Well, now! Who'd've guessed?
nights - Autumn nights are drawing in
Chalky - To tinge the skies with gold
Software - And Mr Frosty's fingers
Rosie - Will have you in their hold.
CdM - Summertime is coming
nights - At least in parts more austral
Rosie - But up here it's dark at four
Chalky - When shadows haunt the claustral
Software - Christmas time is looming
Raak - There will be fun for all
Rosie - Boris has commanded it
penelope - At the Covid-19 ball Mercy killing. Onwards.
Raak - Beware the claws of Omnicron! reveal
Software - Which Borish vows to fight
Rosie - But any vow that Boris makes
Chalky - Is just a pile of shite
Rosie - I wish I were a teabag (Chalky) Couldn't've put it better meself.
Software - Floating in a mug
Chalky - Waiting to be pulled out
Radox The Green - And go dripping on the rug.
penelope - I wish I were a teaspoon
Rosie - For I'm a nat'ral stirrer
Software - I'd swish about inside your mug
Quality Control - mugs off
Chalky - Whilst rebooting some Glow Worms
Rosie - For amusiement I need Sorry, I'm a bit pissed. It's the brandy, y'know. Dreadful stuff.
Software - To get some improved scansion
Raak - Indeed!
Raak - To again reboot this glow-worm
nights - I write a witty line
Chalky - A quick fix for the short term - [invoking ABAB]
penelope - The closing punch is mine!
Software - The glow-worm's running smoother
nights - and I, for one, am glad
Rosie - We've found our feet and who the
penelope - hell could claim that that's all bad?
Rosie - I wish I were a plectrum trad.
Software - A little plucking thing
penelope - And play a tuneful spectrum dodged that one by the skin of our glow-worm teeth
Chalky - Of stuff you'd like to sing
Raak - O to be in finland
Chalky - Now that winter's here
Rosie - The coasts's not bad but inland
Software - It's f**king freezing there They run out of the sauna and roll in the snow, I hear.
nights - When thoughts turn to the winter [Software] Don't knock it 'til you've tried it - bracing!
Simons Mith - I snuggle up in bed
Software - Waiting for the springtime [nights] I've been in Finnish saunas but not the snow bit.
Chalky - Like splinters in my head [S'ware] no rhyme? ABAB not compulsory but way more fun.
Chalky - I wish I had a wrecking ball
Raak - I'd ride it into you
Rosie - 'Cos I'm a bit aggressive
Software - And it's a smashing thing to do [Chalky] variety is the spice of life, or so thay do say :)
nights - I'm all dressed up and fancy
Raak - But I've nowhere to go
Chalky - I'm told that necromancy
Bismarck - Is popular below.
Rosie - I wish I were a hacksaw
Chalky - With strong serrated blade
Software - I'd cut right through the bullshit
Chalky - That's how Glow Worms get made - slo-mo in here
penelope - I wish I were a magpie's nest
Raak - That's full of stolen treasure
nights - I'd pick over the hidden treats
Software - To do so gives me pleasure
nights - I wish I weren't inclined to think
Raak - When late at night in bed
Rosie - That I'm not going to sleep a wink
CdM - For fear I'll wake up dead
Software - As I was walking out I found
Raak - A silver coin upon the ground   AABB declared
Rosie - I'm rich, I thought, until I saw
penelope - Someone who clearly needed it more.
Raak - Quite neat, I think, although a touch of the shoehorn is needed in one place. reveal
penelope - As I was walking out I heard
Chalky - A mournful plaintive cry
Rosie - Next-door's cat had caught a bird
Software - And ate it by and by
Chalky - I wish I had a mocking bird
Raak - To mock you all day long
Rosie - Because you are a shocking turd
penelope - And more than often, wrong.
Chalky - :^D
penelope - There's something very pleasing about collectively written gentle rhyming insults.
I wish I had a leaky boat
Software - To row on my canal
Rosie - Shall I add a cheeky note
Raak - Or one that's just banal?
I once noticed that a very unremarkable picture of mine on Flickr was getting a lot of clicks. Then I realised that the caption included the word "canal", but I'd left off the first letter.
Simons Mith - I want my privets widely viewed
Software - For my topiary is fine
Chalky - Some might say they're mildly rude
Raak - Like privates, by design.
penelope - You know how badly these things go
Software - When scansion is awry
Chalky - As weaker poets' failings show
Pablo - No matter how they try
Rosie - I'm glad I'm not a tuning fork
Raak - With but a single note
Software - For I have a complex waveform
Chalky - And a terrible sore throat
Chalky - I wish I had more sex appeal
Rosie - But wallflower, that is me
Software - I hang about in corners
Raak - And I'd rather watch TV.
Software - I wish I were on holiday
Rosie - In some exotic place
penelope - Dreaming I was far away
Raak - From all the human race.
penelope - I think I've had enough of work Ain't that the truth
Chalky - It takes up too much time
Rosie - It dulls the soul but pays the bills
Radox The Green - Oh, buddy, spare a dime?
Chalky - [RTG] Nice
CdM - They say that work, and lack of play,
Rosie - Will make you rather boring
Chalky - But I have always found a way
Raak - To live it up while choring.
Software - Well, that's the Jubilee done
Rosie - These flags are now redundant
penelope - Until the next coronashun
Chalky - When once more they'll be abundant
Chalky - I wish I had a magic wand
Software - Such havoc I would wreak
Rosie - As master of the demi-monde
penelope - I'm half-price all this week.Moving swiftly on...
Rosie - I'm glad I'm not a hosepipe
Software - Because I'd soon be banned
penelope - From pissing in the garden
Chalky - In a manner underhand
Radox The Green - I wish I were in Essex
Rosie - 'Cos I'm a dreadful chav
nights - I'd down ten pints of Stella
Raak - Then puke up in the lav. oblig.
Radox The Green - Great stereotyping there, is there more?
I wish I were in Bristol
Software - In my Vauxhall Astral car
Rosie - Scoffing some bananals
Chalky - Down 'arbourside Oo Ar
Rosie - Ah wush ah were in Glasgy
Raak - Tae swag doon Sauchiehall
Software - And Gie m'sel a swally
Bismarck - Is't me ye're lookin' at, Jimmy? traditional
Radox The Green - Hmmm... I wish I were Mancunian
Chalky - Let's 'ave it. Proper sound
Software - But you all think I'm in Corrie
Rosie - 'Cos Boddingtons you've downed.
Software - I'm glad I'm not a scouser
Rosie - With inimitable speech
Chalky - It's way more posh in Southport
Bismarck - And great on Formby beach. Hooray!
Y tanllinellwr -
Rosie - If I sound like a Brummie
Chalky - As Noddy Holder does
Software - You'd imagine I was scummy
CdM - As Noddy Holder was reveal
Rosie - It's my turn for Prime Minister
Raak - I'll soon have this mess fixed
penelope - I won't do owt that's sinister oblig.
Chalky - 'Though feelings may be mixed
Radox The Green - I've got loads of fireworks
Rosie - They don' arf make a racket
Raak - We'll blow up all those dire berks
Software - Tho' they cost a packet
Software - I glad I'm not in Qatar
Rosie - But I'll watch it on the box
Chalky - Where punditry and chat are
Bismarck - Making unimportance into shocks.
Chalky - The 12-day countdown starts today
Software - so let's go down the pub
Bismarck - And sing a jolly roundelay
Raak - Then get some beer and grub.
Bismarck - We want some figgy pudding
Rosie - But Tesco is sold out
Software - So I'll make do with some parkin
Chalky - And a jug of curried trout.
Radox The Green -
Surprising what Tesco stocks nowadays!
Forgot that auld acquaintance
Raak - And never brought to mind
Chalky - Eschew that cup of kindness
penelope - That's not the way, you'll find.
Chalky - Twelfth Night is upon us
Raak - Whichever night that is reveal
Chalky - We marked the date with honours
At our local's Annual Quiz
Radox The Green - Burns Night us upon us
Rosie - I'll get the bandages
Chalky - Let haggis take the honours
Software - I don't care what he sez
Rosie - The trouble with marmalade
Chalky - Lies deep within my psyche
Software - It's a pithy problem
penelope - Trauma for breakfast - oh crikey.
CdM - I wish I'd heard the news that
Rosie - The sun's going supernova
Software - Best get on a Vogon ship
Bismarck - To wait safely till it's over.
KagomeShuko - I'd like to thank the one-eyed toad
Rosie - Who plays for Tottenham Hotspur
Bismarck - She's often seen at White Hart Lane
Software - Hoping for a transfer
Rosie - Outside it's wet and windy
KagomeShuko - Inside, it's quite warmer
Software - Really, I can't wait for spring
Bismarck - Oh! Is that the first Keir Starmer?
Mercy killing
Chalky - Let's try and get this back on track
Software - Just like a railway train
Simons Mith - So you go lift it from the back
Chalky - The train will take the strain
Chalky - I wish I was an artichoke
Rosie - Classier than a cabbage
Software - I'd look down on asparagus
Raak - And all the other baggage.
Rosie - Now if I were a penguin
Chalky - An emperor I'd be!
Raak - I'd lord it over all my realm
Software - In this bloody freezing sea
Bismarck - I'm going to dine al fresco
Raak - In Skegness's bracing air
Chalky - My ready meal's from Tesco
KagomeShuko - I'll eat it with amazing flair
Software - I'm going to take a holiday
Rosie - South Georgia here we come
penelope - Among the sheep and penguins
Radox The Green - I'm bound to feel at home.
<
penelope - I want to take a few days off
Rosie - Just to spite my boss
Software - I'll pretend I've got a nasty cough
Raak - If he sacks me—that's his loss!
nights - It's finally the end of term
Software - See you in September
KagomeShuko - I now have time to wiggle and squirm
Rosie - Which I'll do, as a Morniverse member.
Chalky - I wish I had a crystal ball
Rosie - Just like Mystic Meg's
Radox The Green - I'd swing it hard against the wall
penelope - And smash it just like eggs oblig.
Raak -
I wish I were a solar flare
Software - Bursting into space
Rosie - Making havoc with the upper air
Chalky - Whilst leaving not a trace
KagomeShuko - I wish I had a giant cake
Rosie - To satisfy my greed
Chalky - But oh my friends, make no mistake
Raak - A wish is not a need.
penelope - To start my little Hallmark rhyme [KS, R, C, R] That last one - too perfect! Cake all round!
Chalky - I'm scribing with a pen
KagomeShuko - Though I'd rather be a mime
Software - It's nice just now and then
Chalky - Seasons come and seasons go
Raak - But love is aye forever
Rosie - I only wish that that were so
Software - For some divorce will sever
Bismarck - I think that ev'ryone complains
Simons Mith - About the town of Bracknell
Chalky - And all because that rower, James
Chalky - Did change his name to Cracknell
Rosie - When I join the House of Lords
Chalky - And give my maiden speech
Raak - I'll summon all my Zords
Bismarck - To take Black Rod to the beach.
Software - I wish I lived upon the moon
Radox The Green - To see earth rise each morn
Raak - Just once each twenty-seven days
Chalky - From dusk right through to dawn
CdM - I wish I lived in outer space
Bismarck - Far from the madding crowd
Chalky - With Bathsheba Everdene
Software - Or with Girls Aloud
Rosie - I'm glad I'm not a doctor
Software - 'Cos I'd be underpaid
Raak - Not like a college proctor
Chalky - Where fortunes can be made
blamelewis - I wish I had an antelope
Rosie - For they are very tasty
Software - When butchered fit for Masterchef
Raak - To make a Kenyan pasty.
blamelewis - I wish I hadn't started this
Rosie - It leads I know not where (Raak) That's not what they call them in Cornwall
Chalky - So please be mindful when I kiss
Raak - You don’t know what’s “down there”.
Software - I wish that were Santa
Radox The Green - For then I would see
Rosie - When you last had your chimney swept
Chalky - And who's atop your tree
Raak - I wish I had a Christmas tree
Software - With a fairy on the top
penelope - Against which my small dog could pee
Rosie - He will; he cannot stop
Software - If I were a Santa's elf
KagomeShuko - I'd hammer all the toys
blamelewis - And into one or two I'd slip
Projoy - Some poisonous alloys
Bismarck - They said that this dog was for life
Rosie - But life is short for some (Bis) That's rather limericky
Bismarck - [Rosie] Oops...
goldfinch - So I've made him my next of kin
Chalky - In case people think that I'm dumb.
Rosie - I wish I spoke Swahili
Chalky - Then I could reconnect
penelope - Perhaps more touchy-feely
Software - No, I'm more select
Software - If I were a snowman
Rosie - With a carrot for a nose
CdM - Angular and Roman
Radox The Green - You'd see how much it glows.
Chalky - If I knew then what I know now
Software - I'd choose a different course
Rosie - No longer would I need to bow
Projoy - To Romans, Jutes, and Norse (lament of the Iceni)
CdM - I wish I knew the secret
Rosie - Of trying to sing in tune
Software - But I have a voice just like a frog
Raak - So I'll serenade the moon.
Projoy - I don't forgive the roundheads
Rosie - For actions cavalier
Software - Old Olie was a tyrant
goldfinch - And he took away our beer
CdM - I wish I weren’t innumerate
Rosie - So mathematically numb
Raak - I can't work out the interest rate
goldfinch - Being Chancellor was dumb
Software - I'm glad I'm not Jeremy Hunt
Projoy - For taxing is his role
goldfinch - And I feel taxed just standing up
Rosie - But rhyming slang's his goal.
Projoy - I hold it, hold it, hold it more
Raak - My effort is in vain
CdM - For now it’s down there on the floor
Radox The Green - Next time I'll use a crane.
Projoy - I wish I were an elephant
Software - In the corner of the room
Raak - All would see but none would tell
Rosie - That I'm the voice of doom.
goldfinch - I wish I were a punk rocker
Software - With piercings in my face
Projoy - For this would be more likely than
Chalky - The plan that is in place
Projoy - I wish I were a nightingale
Rosie - I'd charm the world with song
Chalky - Which flighty chorus might entail
KagomeShuko - And sing all night long.
Software - I'm glad I'm not a princess
Rosie - 'Cos I'd be so fussy.
Chalky - Sign up to OnlyFans dear chap
Become a shameless hussy!
Projoy - I'm glad I'm not Marcel Marceau
CdM - Or I’d have this to say:
Raak - "                                         "
Chalky - But that was yesterday
Projoy - I'm glad I'm not a busted flush
CdM - For that's an awful fate
Software - But I am just a failure
Raak - At getting my first date.
Projoy - I'm glad I'm not a man of war
goldfinch - A hydrozoan beast
Software - I'm more inclined to think of peace
Chalky - In Portugal at least
Rosie - I wonder what's on the box
Chalky - The one containing tricks
Projoy - Oh. Nothing. I'll go out instead.
Raak - And find nothing at the flicks.
KagomeShuko - If I smell the roses
Software - I might just prick my nose
CdM - And those who prick their noses
goldfinch - Stub their knees and pick their toes.
I long for obsolescence
Chalky - Swift turnaround's my thing
Projoy - I'll transmigrate my essence
Software - For to nothing I do cling
goldfinch - These boots were made for something
Raak - And something's what they'll do
Bismarck - Observe as they do one thing
Software - That's walk all over you
Chalky - The quality of mercy
penelope - Depends on who you know
goldfinch - Luckily, my friends agree
Projoy - You ordered flesh to go.
CdM - I wish I were in Amsterdam
Chalky - To see the parakeets
Software - While sipping on my Advocaat
goldfinch - And moistening the seats.
Projoy - I know a bank where wild thyme blows
Raak - That's sweetly sprung in June
Chalky - And like my love the musk-red rose
goldfinch - I’ll feel a right ass soon.
Projoy - To be or not to be, that is
goldfinch - The pencil salesman’s lot
Chalky - But personae more dramatis
CdM - Sketch a much darker plot
Projoy - Is this a dagger or a sponge
Raak - Or duck-billed platypus?
Software - Neither, it is virtual
Rosie - It's next-door's tatty puss. Softers, old bean, this is not a f****** limo
Projoy - If music be the food of love
Software - Then jazz it up I say
goldfinch - But if you like your love life bland
Chalky - It's Musak all the way
Chalky - Alas poor Yorick who I knew
goldfinch - Quite well, but that was then
Radox The Green - Just thinking on him makes me blue
Rosie - In cat lives he's on ten. (Softers) Sorry - inappropriate comment a couple of goes back.
Software - Today I've got a toothache True. [Rosie] No sweat.
Rosie - I'd like to pull it out
goldfinch - But with breath to make a dentist quake
Projoy - I'll close my lips and pout
CdM - I wish I had a dentist's drill reveal
Projoy - ; A bag of shiny gems
Software - A glass of that pink water
Rosie - From which all comfort stems.
goldfinch - I wish my drill could crack a safe
Projoy - I wish this safe would crack
Software - Maybe I'll use TNT
Chalky - Which lacks a rhyming knack
.. is ABAB rhyming pattern obligatory? Have often wondered ..
goldfinch - ABAB has symmetry,
ABCB surprises.
ABAB? ABCB?
Both fine rhythmic devices. reveal
Kim -
I wish my Worms had rhythm
CdM - Instead, I have the blues reveal
Raak - Because I'm stuck at Witham
Projoy - Until my train segues
goldfinch - This verse will be my opus
Rosie - And magnum let it be (Raak) I am sure (i.e. not absolutely sure) it's "Wittum". (Pj) I chortle.
Projoy - A work of such wide scope, as
Raak - Transcends mere you and me. [Rosie} I find now that I cannot remember how I've heard it when "this train will terminate at Witham, from where a rail replacement bus etc.". OTH, "rittum" ...
Bismarck - [Witham] If it's the one in Essex, I used to work there and it was "Wittum" at that time.
[Rhymes] the original glowworm was abcb, and we did do an aabb not long ago. It's doggerel, it probably doesn't matter much.
The A12 up from Chelmsford
Projoy - I've travelled many times.
Projoy - (Being from that part of the world, it is indeed Witt'm. I assumed Raak knew this and so decided to push the "misunderstanding the pronunciation from the spelling" joke a centimetre further.)
Chalky - I'd leave my desk in Elmsford
goldfinch - For another town that rhymes.
Projoy - I wish I were an orange
Raak - Unrhymably aloof
goldfinch - But sharply dressed and full of zest
CdM - In brandy, 80 proof

I wish I were an orange
Unrhymably aloof
And on sale for two shillings, j-
-ust to show that that's the troof
Chalky - It only takes an integer
Raak - You tried to type a fraction
Projoy - A practice much more vintage-r
Rosie - But still requires redaction. (Pj) I jess lurve your grammar
Projoy - A voice, ethereal silver
Rosie - Calls me in the night
CdM - In spring-green rhyme, until ver-
Software - -dant, green and bright
Projoy - I wish that silver turned to green
Raak - December turned to May
Why not take a stand?
B I P HR