And so it begins....
Chalky - The experts will save it from scorn
Quendalon - So now that the game has begun
Tuj - It's the time for some poetic fun
Juxtapose - Unless you're the type
Marc - Posting lines, yet unripe
Raak - Whom I'll chase with this elephant gun.
Sir Joseph Bazalgette - So why has my gun just blown-up?
Marc - While training to shoot for Queen's Cup
Software - I had one up the spout
Darren - Gave the trigger a clout
Belle Starr - Then shot down my horse - yuppie-yup! (Swiftly moving on then…)
Software - There was a young lady from Bicester Sticking with tradition ...
Chalky - Who had a pretentious big sicester
Marc - They both were un-kissed, (spot wise at least...)
Raak - So they tried getting pissed
Chasty - Then called for the local molester
Chasty - He came with a smile and a sigh
Raak - Into Alice's Restaurant, quite high [Chasty] Any relation to Chalky?
Software - He toked on a spliff
Darren - Read The Meaning of Liff
Irouléguy - Then ordered a big Ulster fry
Chalky - [Raak] Nothing to do with me, thankfully, although I have thought for some time that there is an ..erm .. impostering intent :-)
Tuj - It's about time I made out my will
Kim - "I, being of sound mind and not ill, [Chalky] Naaah, you're as different as chalk and, err.... chast.
irach - Do hereby bequeath
Darren - The air that I breathe
Chasty - Will go to him who invented the pill [Raak] Nope, Chalky is the chaste one, I am just Chasty!
Marc - She said in a whispering voice:
Raak - "Are you sure that you've made the right choice?"
penelope - "That Big Mac and fries"
Kim - "Will go straight on your thighs"
Software - But your bum don't look fat, so rejoice
Juxtapose - There once, down a summery lane,
irach - Walked Mr. Rochester with Jane
Chalky - They happened upon
Tuj - A two-headed swan
Marc - Just an image in Bertha M:s brain....? (from the novel Jane Eyre?)
Rosie - While wiring a 'lectrical plug
Darren - For my Namco coin-op Dig Dug
Kim - I confused brown and blue
irach - With sparks the fuse blew
Software - And the acrid smoke caused such a fug
irach - When using a figure of speech
Raak - Let your grasp not fall short of your reach
Software - For a metaphor can
Quendalon - Fail completely to span
Juxtapose - A broad intellectual breach
Raak - There's a lot of words ending with "-ough"
Quendalon - Such as "borough", "slough" and "trough"
irach - There is also "through"
Marc - That, between me and you,
Chalky - Sounds rough if you've got a bad cough
Chalky - On the eve of the spectre's high noon
Software - I was just getting ready to moon
Raak - The alignments were right
Darren - My pants were quite tight
Irouléguy - But I panicked and dropped them too soon
Raak - We are all gathered here to remember
irach - That tomorrow shall be November
Rosie - But meanwhile, beware
Software - Of the Halloween scare
Darren - And lock yourself up 'til December
Rosie - There was a young chap from Belgrade
Software - Whose outlook on life was quite staid
Quendalon - He liked to lie down
irach - In his wife's wedding gown
Darren - He claimed, when the cops did a raid.
Rosie - At weekends this place goes quite dead
Quendalon - When to other websites its members have sped
Software - But on Monday morn
Raak - With nary a yawn
Tuj - They scuttle from whence they had fled. Yes, I was away this weekend. Was it quiet?
Simons Mith - By the shores of the Bay of Bengal
Puckoon - sat a woman, dressed in a pink shawl
irach - Pashmina 'twas not
Rosie - (They're far, far too hot)
Software - But beneath she was dressed in f*ck all
Rosie - The good folk of Shipston-on-Stour (Softers) I say, old chap. :-)
Kim - Shout "F'Tang!", every hour, on the hour
Chalky - The bad folk, however
Software - Whatever the weather
Darren - Shout "Arse" with a withering glower
Simons Mith - As I staggered my way up the Kyber
Simons Mith - [Oops, add aitches to taste]
Quendalon - (For I was a devoted imbiber)
Rosie - I took a good swig (Darren) That's because Beeching shut the branch line. Bastard!
Software - Of my syrup of fig
Chalky - And OD'd on dietary fibre
Rosie - I do like a bit of scatology
Software - A component part of biology
Marc - Using mask and a glove
Quendalon - And a bit of a shove
Botherer - You'll succeed if you know physiology
Quendalon - There once was a man who liked pork
irach - He'd dig into chops with a fork
Darren - And swallow them whole
Rosie - 'Til such greed took its toll
Marc - And a pig plugged his arse like a cork
Marc - If you eat too much meat please beware
Kim - Of the fate that befell Red Adair
irach - The lard in his veins
Software - Caused cardiac strains Actually, he lived to be 89
Quendalon - That gave him and his mum quite a scare
Simons Mith - I played on my violoncello
A tune that was soothing and mellow
Darren - It brought to my mind
A view, well-defined
Quendalon - Of a man with a lit cigarello
Marc - Don’t smoke when you visit this site
Our eyes will get clogged we can’t write
Chalky - And lay off the booze
R'else we'll all start to snooze
Software - So do nothing to make us up-tight
Rosie - I don't rate this double-line stuff Too easy
Software - I like it when the rhyme's tough
Quendalon - If I feel it's too easy
irach - If the topic is cheesy
Tuj - Yes, I like my limericks rough! Grr!
Quendalon - There's an isle in the southern Pacific
irach - Its coordinates not quite specific
Marc - Latitude though is lazy
Raak - And longitude hazy
Tuj - Worth getting there though - it's terrific
Marc - “My good man,” the Cannibal said,
Raak - "I think you'd go well with some bread"
Rosie - "Please jump in this pot"
irach - "Be careful, it's hot"
Botherer - "And then simmer down 'til you're dead"
Chalky - I've just told a whopping great lie
Rosie - 'Twill haunt me for ever, oh my
Marc - As I said to my Miss http://www.missworld.com/
Software - It goes something like this
irach - "For you, the Hope Diamond I'll buy"
Rosie - There once was a cat called Sylvester
irach - A birdie named Tweety he'd pester
Quendalon - Though bird meat is tasty
Marc - He swallowed too hasty
Software - And in his belly the feathers did fester
Simons Mith - A birdie ran past saying "Meep!"
irach - Sped away from Wile E.'s fast jeep (An Acme Brand Mail order jeep, of course)
Quendalon - He ran over thin air
Software - Using some Acme affair
Darren - A plot device which made me weep
irach - As I think back on Tom and on Jerry
Tuj - And how their antics made me merry
Kim - I find, on reflection
Darren - I've lost all affection
Rosie - So have I gone grumpy? Yes, very.
Simons Mith - The thing about Samurai Jack [Brilliant cartoon, highly recommended[
Quendalon - Is that when he'd prepare to attack
Marc - He could not find his sword
Raak - For he couldn't afford
irach - A vorpal that went snicker-snack
Quendalon - When the wind blows from north by northwest
Raak - I always get very depressed
Marc - As the low-pressures form
Software - Is nowt but a yawn dodgy, I know
Rosie - 'Xcept to forecasters, whom all detest. Dodgy???? Crap more like. ©H. Laurie. I dunno, man of your calibre. ©A A Hancock.
Marc - Just close your blue eyes and you’ll see
Software - That everything's as dark as can be
Quendalon - For it seems that the sun
Rosie - (Without which we're done)
Darren - Is no longer shining for free
Tuj - Has Rupert Murdoch bought the sun to go with the newspaper of the same name then?
Rosie - That's a good idea - a bonfire of his penny dreadfuls with him as the guy.
Kim - I've just bought some shares in the sun
Raak - With a lottery prize that I won
Quendalon - It's a hot property
Software - Close by the sea
Rosie - Which has vapourised. I've been done.
Quendalon - There's a barbecue stand in the South
irach - Whose ribs will just melt in your mouth
Rosie - 'Cos they're made of toffee
Marc - And Polonium coffee
Juxtapose - (A thticky thurprithe for your thpouthe)
Software - The frenzy of Christmas has started
irach - A mob to old Harrod's has darted
Rosie - They'll empty their pockets
Santa - On Gadgets and Sprockets
Juxtapose - I pers'nally think it's retarded
Rosie - The weather's so mild it's absurd
Marc - Summer 06 last time it occurred (1906!)
Raak - The birds think it's spring
irach - I just heard a lark sing
Anna - And then it flew off – just left a big turd
Chalky - My cat has a habit I hate
irach - She insists on licking my plate
Rosie - So I'd better feed 'er
Tuj - To my golden retriever
Marc - She’ll come out as a hairball, just wait
Rosie - Whilst weaving a tissue of lies
Software - I put on a falsified guise
Guido Fawkes - like changing your name
Raak - To divert the blame
Marc - to those who can take the surprise
Marc - "Dear Sir, I am not one of those ! ",
Software - It's just the way that I pose
irach - True, my clothing is scanty
Rosie - And what's more I'm anti-
Anna - panty, so please Sir take off all your clothes
Ye Olde Gong Farmer - Whilst picking my nose I did find Hanky
Puckoon - a bogie that did bring to mind - YOGF down hill as usual I see...
Sir Joseph Bazalgette - the meaning of life
irach - And my lack of a wife
Raak - And the taste of well-chewed bacon rind.
Marc - Smoked Reindeer filet is not bad - (http://rudolf.moonestates.com/)
Software - If it's Rudolph's though, its quite sad
Juxtapose - Although I suppose
irach - If it's made from what glows
Rosie - To eat it at all would be mad. Polonium. Yummy!
Marc - Last time Rudolph powdered his nose,
Software - He used polonium, so now it glows
Rosie - So don't stand too close Weird rhythm, this one.
irach - Or else your ten toes
Raak - May fall off, from a terminal dose.
Néa - At Christmas, we stop drinking Coke
Rosie - Our licence to burp we revoke
Projoy - Off licence, we drink
Puckoon - by the glass load we sink
Marc - Of eggnogs and beer ‘til we choke
Projoy - The great poetaster revolt
Rosie - It cannot go on. Call a halt.
Raak - Write of feelings sublime
Marc - About justice and crime
Limerick Police - Or I'll pull and then fire my Colt
Rosie - There was a young lad from St Erth
Gusset Login - Who had a remarkable girth
Projoy - His circumference showed
Raak - He bore a huge load
Marc - As if he was set to give birth
Puckoon - At last the new year has arrived
Software - We awake, somewhat bleary eyed
Botherer - Avoid the first-footers
Raak - Repel all crazed looters
Marc - Ensure superstition’s survived Enjoying a tasty New Years dish of Black-Eyed Peas! http://southernfood.about.com/library/weekly/aa123198.htm
Raak - Make a new resolution each day!
Projoy - For example: "I plan to turn gay"
Rosie - Or "Won't fart in bed"
Software - "Pick my nose or see red"
Rosie - Or "Finish dead limericks", say.
Juxtapose - Attendance is starting to wane
Marc - We suffer continuous brain-drain
Software - But its not all bad Clunky scansion there, Marc
Raak - Count your blessings; be glad
Rosie - Of our rich verbal legerdemain.
Simons Mith - With savoir faire, skill and panache
Rosie - My boiled potatoes I mash
Software - I'll fry eggs with flair
irach - My souffle floats on air
Rosie - And my scansion could best be described as a car crash.
Marc - There's no way to cheat in this game
Raak - The Scansion Police have your name
Software - So please to the line
Rosie - As we try to refine
Projoy - It so all of the verse sounds the same
Neuroses I've had in my time
Raak - Include one that's a capital crime
Puckoon - but the one that is worst
irach - Involves carnal thirst
Rosie - For all living things maritime.
Projoy - An orangey gusset and hem
Simons Mith - While out on a date with a squid
Simons Mith - So much for preview mode then! Sorry Projoy. And rab, for that matter.
Simons Mith - Mine can wait.
Projoy - An orangey gusset and hem
Simons Mith - Makes me feel truly Lib Dem
Software - So I'll stick to the middle
Marc - Trying solving this riddle
Say MaMa - With the help of my lower brain stem
Simons Mith - While out on a date with a squid
Software - My car went into a skid
Marc - Too few hands on the wheel
jim - Caused my automobile
Darren - To flip its proverbial lid
Simons Mith - We were far out at sea on a raft
Projoy - Which in retrospect seems rather daft
Darren - And, without a sound,
irach - A whale had us downed
Rosie - So we harpooned the bugger, and laughed.
Projoy - How funny to murder a whale! [Rosie] ;-)
Raak - Its meat makes us hearty and hale
Rosie - And, furthermore,
Software - Under Japanese law
irach - It's quite legal a whale to impale
Simons Mith - You can also have fun sticking pigs
Rosie - Up the tailpipe of old Russian MiGs
Marc - As the engine ignites
Software - And the crackling's alight
irach - You'll have roast pork that everyone digs
Rosie - This morning I stood on the scales
Software - They showed I'd drunk too many ales
I Say, Porter! - It's time for abstention
irach - AA intervention
penelope - Liposuction if all of that fails
Simons Mith - Perhaps I could eat fewer pies
Juxtapose - To lessen the girth of my thighs
Rosie - They're tree-trunks of blubber
Marc - Feeling just like foam rubber
Software - I guess I'm just Fat Bastard size
Rosie - While taking a break in Albania
irach - I saw something even more zanier
Software - And what is more
Marc - As I opened the door
Raak - I smelled a huge bunch of gerania.
irach - One day, on a barge in Port Said
Software - A floating French letter I spied
Darren - It proved hard to read
Rosie - Mired in spilt seed
Chasty - From a limb - about three inches wide
Marc - When born in the year of Ding Hai
Software - You'll live to a factor of pi
Kim - Both you and your daughter
Rosie - Do things you di'n' oughta
Phil - With bears, lions, tigers. Oh my!
Uncle Korky - Is winter arriving at last?
Projoy - Well if so, let it soon be the past
Darren - I don't like the snow
Rosie - Or the wind that doth blow
Software - It's all a pain in the arse-t Getting 3 points on my poetic licence
Projoy - [SW] You couldn't fit an "artic blast" in there, then? As it were.

The Bible will tell you the truth
irach - Of the lives of Eve, Esther and Ruth
Rosie - But as for the rest (Softers) 3? 11.9 more like.
Chalky - The scribes merely guessed
Kim - And made it all up, yea, forsooth.
Projoy - A fourteen foot pig in my garden
irach - Let loose smelly gas while 'twas fartin' Coat and hat, I know...
Rosie - This porcine eruption
Marc - Caused total disruption
Software - Before getting loose and departin'
Rosie - I talk to the tulips; they nod
Simons Mith - And wonder "Who is this daft sod?"
Juxtapose - I never resent them
Software - 'Een with their bent stem
Marc - I just let them face the firing squad What a cruel world we live in....
Marc - Blindfolded he stood ‘gainst the wall
irach - He smoked his last cigarette with gall
Software - This isn't a joke
penelope - When a fond farewell toke
blamelewis - Spoils "blind man's buff" for us all!
Projoy - The bricks of which Summer is made
Rosie - Cannot be obtained through the trade (blamelewis) Blind man's puff, shurely?
Phil - They are salvaged with care
Trowe - From the cold wintry air
Marc - Come shine we’ll make sure they get laid....
Surrounded by walls of destruction
Projoy - I stand and await my instruction
Rosie - As to whether or not
Software - To take a quick shot
blamelewis - Hurrah for careers in construction! a bit abstract but it was stalled for a while yer honour...
blamelewis - He stood there aghast at the sight
CdM - For surely this could not be right:
Projoy - This vision; this... thing!
Rosie - So shapeless, such bling
Phil - Jade Goody, half nude - she looked shite! (apols for vulagarity)
Rosie - As a planet the earth's rather small (Phil) Did you mean vulvagarity?
blamelewis - So beware, those of you who are tall
Raak - With your head in the clouds
Software - It's like wearing shrouds
Marc - Now let this be a aware to us all
Marc - The snowstorm has blinded my eyes
Projoy - And the wind whips away all my cries
Uncle Korky - My limbs have gone numb
Raak - This trip really was dumb
Software - Next time it's McDonald's for fries
Projoy - Pretending I like heavy metal
Rosie - I bought a uranium kettle
Uncle Korky - But the weight of the water
Software - Was more than it ought-a
I Say, Porter! - And now I don't feel in fine fettle
Projoy - The dangerous love of fine words
Uncle Korky - Is a trait of the geeks and the nerds (Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!)
I Say, Porter! - These anal retentives [UK] <panto> Oh no you're not! </panto>
irach - Resist all incentives
Software - I'd say its strictly for t'birds
Juxtapose - You call me a bibliophile
Marc - And also a nerd - after while
Software - And maybe a geek
Uncle Korky - But I know I'm a freak
Raak - I can sprint an eighteen-minute mile.
Raak - At Redemption (SF convention last weekend) there were a couple of flyers for another convention (Year of the Teledu) with just the first line of a limerick on them. Alas, they never got finished over the weekend. Can we do better? Here is how far they had got when I last saw them:
A teledu of my acquaintance      A Sumatran badger that stank
Has purchased a gaudy conveyance      Lived deep in a hole, dark and dank
It's painted bright blue      . . . . . . . .
And filled with beef stew      . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . .      . . . . . . . . . . . .
irach -
A teledu of my acquaintance
Has purchased a gaudy conveyance
It's painted bright blue
And filled with beef stew
Its odour holds all in abeyance.


A Sumatran badger that stank
Lived in a deep hole, dark and dank
Its one pride and joy

.......
Software - Was an old Dinky toy
In fact, a Centurian tank
...moving on
blamelewis - I once had a toy made by Dinky
Rosie - I had five; in Latin that's quinque.
I Say, Porter! - The JCB digger
penelope - Five hundred times bigger
Software - Than your or even my pinkie
I Say, Porter! - My 'pinkie' is longer than most are
irach - It's been Michelin-rated as "four star"
Software - And as fingers go
Juxtapose - It's something to show
Marc - ‘cause it’s thin as a worm, how bizarre
Rosie - It is said that in parts of Japan
Projoy - You can bat away men with your fan
irach - And if you're a geisha
I Say, Porter! - Who hails from Croatia
penelope - Then it's likely your fan is a man
Simons Mith - I trow everything that I ween
Raak - And I hight what yclept I'd e'er been
Marc - And what's more - just hear this
Projoy - - I rede what I wis
Falstaff - Now get out! @*&#...? I'm purging my spleen!

Projoy - And with that, things arrived at a halt
Chalky - 'Though they perked up when one added salt
Rosie - Which proves we're not slugs
irach - Or earthworms, or bugs
Software - We're just perfect, in fact, to a fault
Projoy - I love you; you're perfect; now change.
I Say, Porter! - I'd rather you did something strange
Tuj - Tape a worm to your face
irach - Take a fall down from grace
Uncle Korky - And develop a bad case of mange.
Rosie - I seem to've developed a tic
Software - Whenever I chew on my Bic®
Projoy - My tongue starts to bleed
Chalky - I spill all my seed - oo-er
Projoy - And, in general, things get on my wick
penelope - That's no tic, that is pre-menstrual tension!
Projoy - You'll have it until you draw pension!
Software - What a woman must bear
penelope - In her days of 'bad hair'
Rosie - Affects all her bits, by extension.
Projoy - [Rosie] Excellent!

I'm writing a Hip Hop revue
Raak - And casting it -- how about you?
Chalky - The April audition
Rosie - Takes place on condition (Pj) Thanks.
Software - That by failing you will not sue
nights - When coffee supplies are short
Projoy - We rush to the gate of the fort
irach - And brew the moat's water
Software - Like lambs to the slaughter
days - “Manslaughter!” (the cook’s doom in court)
Marc - "We're ready for take-off, get strapped"
Uncle Korky - "If you leave your seat, you'll get slapped"
Projoy - "From your EasyJet crew"
Software - "And Ryan Air too"
penelope - "We prefer pass-en-gers to be trapped!"
Rosie - While cooking some nice chippolatas
Software - To eat with nice mashed 'potatas'
Projoy - I found that my beans
penelope - Were be-yond my means
Uncle Korky - It's a good job they came free and gratis.
Projoy - I just ate a pineapple, chopped
Marc - At the end of my meal I just stopped
Raak - For I saw half a worm
Projoy - With a lovely blue perm
Uncle Korky - It had certainly been 'Photo-Shopped'.
Projoy - When you fall down a bottomless well
Rosie - Your speed will increase like hell
Simons Mith - You will notice a draught
Raak - And a sulphurous waft
irach - With a distictive rotten egg smell
Rosie - While murd'ring a Chopin Mazurka
Projoy - I put down the Socialist Worker
Projoy - PS. [Rosie] Having a flashback?
Software - Retrograde amnesia
Raak - In the mines of Silesia
I Say, Porter! - Thank god I was wearing the burka. can't see the relevance of lines 3 and 4, but hey...
Projoy - Apparently, eggs are the thing
irach - I'd say they are better than bling
Tuj - When worn round the neck
Software - They look stupid - but heck
Rasputin - Weren't Faberges fit for a king?
Tuj - That genial chap Barry Cryer
Simons Mith - Is a famously infrequent flyer
Projoy - He mostly takes cabs
Rosie - To his various rehabs
Software - And his cycling is said to be dire
Projoy - A friend of a friend of a friend
Uncle Korky - Has driven me right round the bend
Tuj - This tenuous acquaintance Gotta gloss over a syllable in tenuous there
Projoy - Is rather high-maint'ance Gotta gloss over a syllable there too.
Rosie - And may not survive in the end. (Proj, penpenpenult.) I've killed the bloody lot, mate. :-)
Tuj - No man is an island, they say
Chalky - 'Though Manxmen might just disagré
Projoy - They chat and they hug less
not reallyChalky - And stay shy of Douglas
I Say, Porter! - And they never come out to play
Projoy - A headache at five is just great
Knobbly - If it leaves by a quarter to eight
Oriel - But if it should stay
irach - For most of the day
Juxtapose - Romance is farfetched for your mate
Rosie - While painting my room yellow ochre
Tuj - I received an odd call from my broker
irach - "You're quite in the red"
Projoy - "You've no green stuff," he said
Marc - Now quit playing Black Jack and Poker!
Projoy - I long for a long-lasting night
Rosie - Where my fancy can truly take flight
Chalky - But sadly, I lack
Software - The relevant knack
irach - To get all the works all upright
Tuj - A lovely young mayor named Ken
Joe - Convened the town council at 'ten'
Raak - He loudly decreed
Software - "From traffic be freed!"
penelope - And may all traffic lights stick at zen!"
Projoy - Oh, play me those hot ragtime blues!
Uncle Korky - I'm wearing my new dancing shoes
Software - I'm ready to bop
gil - Or even Hip-hop
Simons Mith - And you can all clap from the pews
Projoy - The happiest one of my days
Rosie - Was when I stole from the Krays
gil - A vegetable squeezer
I Say, Porter! - An upright fridge freezer
irach - And a bra that clad Modesty Blaise
Software - There once was a lad from old Bristol
Kim - Who roamed around town with a pistol
Simons Mith - He only shot blanks
Rosie - For which we give thanks
I Say, Porter! - 'cos the whole bloody town's made of crystal.
Juxtapose - S,K,SM,R,ISP - awesome
I met a small swami from Dili
Simons Mith - Who wanted to move somewhere hilly
Raak - I suggested Nepal
Rosie - Where the hills are so tall
Projoy - You ascend; you transcend; you go silly.
Rosie - There was an old codger from Fareham
Software - Who liked women's clothes and would wear 'em
Projoy - But when he went out
Raak - He was struck with this doubt:
I Say, Porter! - Should I take me clothes off? That'd scare 'em!
Projoy - The antics of Pepe le Pew
Software - Apart from smelling were really quite few
irach - In his amourous pursuits he shows more persistence than Robert the Bruce's spider
irach - Oops...wrong move , wrong game... nix that
The ladies he hounded
Chalky - [irach] understandable mistake .. given the bizarre scansion in line 2 :-) Think I'll wait for the next one to come along.
I Say, Porter! - [Chalky] You can wait ages for one...
Chalkee - [IS,P] how right you are!
Rosie - By odour confounded
Projoy - Their senses. They all joined the queue.
Perambulatoriously
irach - I once ran into Aldous L Huxley
Chalky - [irach] eek! far-be-it-for-me-mention-the-dreaded-scansion-word ... but hey - I've said it :-)
Simons Mith - [Chalky] Hey, it was just clerihew that had got lost.
Tuj - He looked at me wryly This one works well enough for me
Software - Then stated quite dryly:
Projoy - [irach] Did you think mine was perambulatoriously? Nah. I meant Perambulatoriously
I Say, Porter! - [Simons] I think Chalky's talking about line 2 of this one which don't follow line 1. My reading of line 1 was as Projoy intended. Let's try and fix it.
Perambulatoriuosly
I ran into Aldous Huxley
He looked at me wryly
Then stated quite dryly:
You're not wearing knickers, I see.

Is that OK?
Projoy - [ISP, Chalky] If you read mine the first way, irach's line does actually scan (and almost rhyme), to wit:
Perambulatoriously
I once ran into Aldous L Huxley

...so it depends if you think irach misinterpreted the natural stress pattern of my made-up word (which admittedly was difficult to do because in the word perambulator, the second and fourth syls are stressed in a not very limerickish way. Then again, if you were American, then peramulatory would be limericky, but the UK pronunciation would not. Then again, by analogy with notoriously, you might have realised the "correct" stress. Then again, one does naturally attempt to stress "once" in irach's line, before reading "ran". All in all, quite complicated. Maybe I'd better stick to real words hereon.

Muliebrity nudiastertian (look 'em up!)
Raak - Improves on my prior male version nudiustertian, actually
Chalky - But now it's today
[PJ, ISP, Irach] I can quite see that differing the stress pattern can 'make it fit' but I still maintain that 10 syllabubs in a limerick line is too many. Losing the 'L' [as ISPers did] helps :-)
I Say, Porter! - And I fear that I may [Pj] Nope, I still can't make it scan.
Uncle Korky - [IS,P] I can make it scan - I just don't understand it!
Projoy - Become subject to gender recursion
Rosie - The old lady who swallowed a fly
Projoy - Has now got a gnat in her eye
Chalky - Her nostrils have fleas
irach - Her ears attract bees
nfras - And snakes wrap themselves round her thigh.
Raak - The builders are coming today
Software - If they say that, you can only pray
Chalky - That yesterday's news - I make no apologies.[SW] tricky one to follow which is probably why, once more!, the game has stalled
Projoy - Doesn't bring on the blues
Rosie - If so, play a twelve-bar in A.
Chalky - nice :-)
Chalky - Forget everything you were taught!
Uncle Korky - The sum of your knowledge is naught
Software - Now with a clean sheet
Raak - Stand on just your two feet
Marc - And pretend we have freedom of thought
Marc - Forgive me for turning up late
Projoy - For I know that is rude on a date
Raak - I had to make sure
Software - You'd get here before
Rosie - me, for I'm too impatient to wait. Rather glad to have finally disposed of this one.
I Say, Porter! - [Rosie] Indeed, a week is a long time in limericks. I have stared fruitlessly at this one on numerous occasions. Good finish, I thought, under the circs.
I Say, Porter! - His Highness, George Dubbleyer Bush
Raak - Has proclaimed, "We need just one more push!"
Projoy - To win in the war
Rosie - For oil, (we need more) (ISP) Not one of my best but cheers, anyway.
Software - Shh! Condoleezza says that's hush-hush making the best of a bad job .. swiftly moving on...
Simons Mith - The largesse of old Tony Blair
Projoy - Has taken a decade to share
Software - But soon he'll step down
I Say, Porter! - For that twat Gordon Brown
Uncle Korky - But (by that point) nobody'll care!
Simons Mith - [UK] Why not "no-one'll care"? Much better scansion.

The Party Political Beast

Projoy - Once went West, but is now heading East
CdM - Its ravenous mouth
Raak - Bellows over the South
Software - "Head North for famine from feast"
Juxtapose - I flee all political views
penelope - In my 'No Idea How To Vote' shoes
Projoy - I'm not sure where I stand
Knobbly - They're all so bloomin' bland
Rosie - But one of them will win, so choose.
Projoy - The cattle I find in my bed
Chalky - Have deposited freshly-baked bread
Rosie - And other stuff, too
I Say, Porter! - Think this brown stuff is poo
Projoy - But at least it's a pat on the head (forgive me)
The hottest of anchovy soup
Rosie - Reminds me, frankly, of poop.
Raak - But cold kedgeree
Chalky - Has class pedigree
I Say, Porter! - At curing small babies of croup *
* This is not medical advice. The author is not a qualified physician.
Rosie - Whilst wand'ring alone in The Weald
I Say, Porter! - I made sure to keep my eyes peeled
irach - For Red Riding Hood
Irouléguy - Who's up to no good
Simons Mith - With Nick Fury, agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.
Projoy - When I met with my putative wife
irach - I just could not envision the strife
Software - Of tying the knot
Chalky - With a 'she' who was not
So I dumped him and got a new life
.. moving swiftly on
Chalky - The diaries of Siegfried Sassoon
Raak - Are best played on the contra-bassoon
Software - Or otherwise said
Rosie - (Preferably, read)
Phil - By the light of a silvery moon
Projoy - I'd rather a dinner of herbs
irach - Than eat koljivo like the Serbs
Software - For basil and thyme
Rosie - Their taste so sublime
Chalky - Can be found by most countryside kerbs
Uncle Korky - There's something suspicious in here
Raak - It looks like a worm in my beer
Chalky - I'd best get it out
Rosie - (Any forceps about?)
Phi - I think I've been sold a bum steer
Simons Mith - The natural home of the worm
Projoy - Is within the Medusian perm
irach - It is annelid heaven
penelope - For 24/7
Chalky - But not during Michaelmas Term
Chalky - I'm told there is no antidote
Projoy - To the bite of the Anglican Stoat
Tuj - But the Mormon Vole's bite
Rosie - Gives no need for fright
irach - Dabbed with milk from a Methodist goat
Projoy - The Kiss of the Womanly Spider
irach - Smacks of the real venom inside her
Rosie - Beware her octet
Software - Or you will soon get
penelope - An oscular/eating collider phew. Next!
Raak - On a charabanc trip to the sea
Software - We all took our own flask of tea/B>
Marc - We topped it with Rum<
Rosie - And were thus overcome
Juxtapose - And woke up in south Tennessee collider? I just met 'er!
Projoy - The weather has called me away
Software - Now I'm away, I may stay
penelope - Til I run out of socks
Marc - In my travelling box
Rosie - 'Cos I'm not gonna wash 'em, no way.
penelope - How on earth do you undo this knot?
Marc - Hard tightened and smeared with green snot,
Rosie - Which ere long will harden
Software - If left in the garden
irach - The famed Gordian knot it is not
Rosie - While eating a piece of fresh cod
Software - Which I'd recently caught on my rod
penelope - A bone in the fish
irach - That I'd placed in a dish
Marc - Had a foot and ten toes, ain’t that odd?
ESVNSCR - While drinking a rotten peach tea
I Say, Porter! - I was gripped by a deep urge to pee
Chalky - So much so that I
Raak - Let out a great cry:
Software - "Look out, please make way for me!"
Projoy - I love all the boils of your face
penelope - Each pustule, each zit, has its place
I Say, Porter! - Your myriad diseases
Software - And mucousy sneezes
Rosie - Oh, how they do make my heart race! Well, at least I have tachycardia.
irach - One's encounters with tropical sprue Continuing a medical theme....
Raak - One fervently hopes to be few
Software - Typhoid and malaria
Rosie - Can lay waste an area
I Say, Porter! - There's naught worse than aqueous poo I'll get me coat
I Say, Porter! - Hmmmm. Two 'poo's and a 'pee' in my last six postings. And my wife just bought me a 'wii' for my 40th. Wonder if there's a connection.
Raak - I have purchased an elephant's foot
Rosie - I know not where it to put (ISP) She knows you well. You're a lucky man.
Projoy - Or up with how much
Software - Or whether and such
Marc - ‘cause it’s hopping around, won’t stay put
Projoy - A cuppa, a sit and a bun
Rosie - When all the paperwork's done
Phil - Are you sure you meant "sit"?
I Say, Porter! - Reflect for a bit
Software - Meanwhile, I'll just pour a fresh one
penelope - Cash, dollar, loot, pennies, spondoolies
Rosie - Alas, they're unknown to most coolies (pen) You will not tempt me into testicular references, but watch the 5th line. :-)
Software - For them it's just barter Touché, Rosie ;o)
Projoy - A note's a non-starter
Kim - But useful when shopping in Woollies
Chalky - The time has arrived - celebrate!
I Say, Porter! - I've worked out how to reincarnate!
Simons Mith - I'll be back in a tick
Rosie - As my new self, Old Nick
Raak - Now at last I'll take hold of my fate!
penelope - He locked us all into the shed
Raak - Looked us straight in the eye and then said:
Projoy - "You all share one eye!"
Software - "Is it Cyclops I spy?"
Chalky - Our collective look killed - now he's dead
Botherer - On slaying a mythical beast
Phil - The druids decided to feast
Raak - On roast gryphon wings
Software - Or cherubims rings coat!
Projoy - Or the tail of a ferret at least
Impractical thoughts such as mine
irach - Deal with thou beside me and wine
Rosie - For this combination
Juxtapose - - salacious libation -
Raak - The finger writes; having writ, dines.
Marc - There's no wind but we sail anyway
Projoy - So far, we have not left the bay.
Software - Becalmed as we are
Raak - We can't go very far
irach - And we'll be in the doldrums all day
Rosie - Suddenly, there's a hurricane......

We battle 'gainst wind, wave and foam

Juxtapose - In quest of a land to call "home"
Software - In the teeth of the gale
Raak - We shall always prevail
Projoy - Till we settle and nevermore roam
I have something between my two legs
Phil - So ladies, hang on to your eggs!
Rosie - Lest fertilisation (Phil) You're dir'y.
irach - Should lead to gestation
Marc - You'll look like this pair of beer-kegs?
I Say, Porter! - A girl in a suit can look dapper
Projoy - Especially one who's a tapper (i.e. tap dancer)
Rosie - But a man in a skirt
penelope - Who chances to flirt
Rosie - Will never pull more than a slapper. Rather surpising that this one has hung around for so long so I've taken the liberty.
Juxtapose - My gosh, it's already July! thank you, Rosie.
Raak - I'm late, I really must fly!
Rosie - Heathrow, here I come
irach - I'll fly to Dum Dum [Calcutta's airport, that is]
penelope - I prefer the monsoon to the dry!
Projoy - If you start, then you've started - that's good.
Phil - If you haven't, I wish that you would!
CdM - If you're already done
Software - Or perhaps you've just come
Kim - To a halt; well, you did what you could.
Rosie - While turning gold back to base metal
irach - I watched the gold dust neatly settle
Software - Into ingots of lead
Marc - So I thought, but instead
penelope - I made tea from hot water in t'kettle
Marc - Enough is enough is enough
Software - Especially if one's feeling rough
Projoy - Then enough can return
Rosie - From which I discern
Raak - I'll undress and post this in the bough.
Rosie - I now have a vision of Raak Hope you don't mind us having a little sport, old bean.
Software - But only if viewed from the back
I Say, Porter! - When viewed from the front an early candidate for Feedline of the Month
irach - (I'll just have to be blunt)
penelope - There's something he appears to lack no offence...
Phil - Penelope feareth no man
Rosie - (Please keep it clean, if you can)
Software - For her feminine wiles
Tuj - May bring forth many smiles
irach - As she's known for her famous can-can
Kim - I want you to tell me the truth
Projoy - Are you Valerie, Mabel or Ruth?
penelope - It's so hard to tell
Rosie - Which is which gel Don'cha know
Software - "My name's Harry, a gender bent youth"
penelope - I'm afflicted with six insect bites
irach - I've been tasted by fleas, ticks and mites
Phil - 'Tis the swamp that they seek
Software - But havoc they wreak
Rosie - Is something my hygiene invites. Sniffs armpit - poo.
Projoy - The present is never the present
irach - It's past for cooked geese or cooked pheasant
Software - What the future beholds
penelope - Influenza and colds no doubt
Raak - Seize the day, for this morning, 'tis pleasant.
Marc - Well, Elvis is dead - but alive
Rosie - At least amongst those who can jive
Darren - But why do they wear
Uncle Korky - So much lard in their hair?
Projoy - When will Grecian 2000 arrive?
A pack of the very best plugs
Rosie - Costs more than its weight in hard drugs
penelope - They're more galvanising
irach - So it's not so surprising
Simons Mith - That they come recommended by Suggs
penelope - Are these 'mobile phone' gadgets a fad?
Phil - And do i-Pods turn good children bad?
Rosie - Or are they besotted
Marc - Besmeared and tight knotted
Software - This Hi-Tech will drive us all mad.
Rosie - I look in the mirror. Who's this?
Software - It's me? Your taking the piss!
Marc - I was young looking smart
Kim - And had mastered the art
irach - Of toilet bowl game "hit or miss"
Juxtapose - I once met a nun from Milan
Simons Mith - Who wanted to start her own clan
Marc - Both Sisters and Brothers
Phil - And uncertain "others"
Rosie - Said "Dad's a McLeod, and me gran". So the whole thing just went down the pan.
irach - A tenor who sang in Modena
Software - Perhaps should have been a bit leaner
Marc - With angels he's singing
Simons Mith - Adagio, bringing
[Don't quite see why Marc's perfectly reasonable line should stall things for more than a week. It's not like the word 'singing' lacks rhymes …]
Chalky - Huge joy in his heav'nly arena
... [SM] quite - I'm assuming lack of lean-ness equates to death-ness [angels]. Moving swifterly on ...
Chalky - I'm not sure if I'll find the time
Rosie - Or the inspiration sublime
Marc - To take part in this game ;-)
Raak - In the hope of great fame
CdM - And escape from my life's grit and grime
Simons Mith - But fame will not change me a jot
Juxtapose - At least, I assume it will not
Software - But in the limelight
CdM - I will get the rhyme right!
Raak - And the scansion, and grammar, and plot.
Rosie - A young lad from Lytham St Annes
Raak - Had a penchant for stealing white vans
Software - Which he'd drive at great speed
Darren - While puffing some weed
penelope - And swigging cheap beer from its cans
Simons Mith - I've just spent a week on the tube
Marc - And all rails I have greased with fresh lube
Phil - I've cleaned all the tiles
Raak - Overhauled the turnstiles
Software - And swept up all hairs of the pube
Rosie - While studying the surface of Mars
Raak - I observed some deposits of tars
Chalky - Which made me examine
Software - The dictionary to find another word to rhyme
Uncle Korky - The famine that's caused by catarrhs Tut tut...
I Say, Porter! - Re: Rhymes - I confess that 'famine' was the only word I could come up with. How to keep that in the context of Mars had me completely foxed, which was why I didn't post. I'm sure Chalky had something in mind...
penelope - Bob Marley was famous for jammin' for example...
irach - Tho' some thought he always was hammin'
Software - A funk rastafarin [IS,P, pen] True, but in context?
CdM - Cussin' and swearin' "This pit that I am in" would have been a perfectly acceptable line, I think. IS,P had it right: if you can't think of a rhyme, then let others have a try, at least until a couple of days have gone by.
Darren - He'd go out and sing somethin' damnin'
Chalky - [Software] Thought I'd wait until the last one was complete before I made a comment ... all I can do is fully concur with IS,P's remark and pennylope/irach/Darren's contributions and, not least, CdM of the Wise Words. Patience, man!
Chalky - Incredible sights can be seen
Raak - From the Moon, if your eyesight is keen
Rosie - For instance, the earth
Darren - Is certainly worth
Marc - One pound 'cause it's made from cheese that is green
Marc - Whenever you think you are right
Software - Beware if your wife is in sight
Phil - You'll probably find
Rosie - She's hijacked your mind
irach - And is raring to go for a fight
Rosie - "I may be some time", quoth Oates
irach - "Since Hall's out sowing wild oats"
Software - "So while you may wait"
Raak - "Don't stay up too late"
I Say, Porter! - "'cos at dawn you'll be milking the goats."
Raak - The gostak's distimmed all my doshes
Phil - I've markled the fanturic roshes
Rosie - My satchbere has jored
CdM - (Conquintly misgoared!)
Software - And I've murgle my clep with gooloshes
irach - An ichthyophagous iguana
Juxtapose - Attained a true state of nirvana
penelope - But the simple brown newt
Is not so astute
And struggles to manage his prana
with apologies for hogging
Tuj - The hog is a curious beast
CdM - Remarkably skilled on the piste. [Software] I hate to criticise again so soon, but really! Was 'gooloshes' the best rhyme you could come up with, when 'floshes', 'reswoshes', and even 'underphoshes' were all available. Any one of those would have allowed you to post a line that fit with the rest of the limerick, instead of that nonsense you put down. *shakes head*
Chalky - ... and what's more - your 'murgle' should have been 'murgled' if you really intended to stay true to the tense. :-)
The key to its skill
Chalky -
Oh dear - hr instead of br - schoolgirl error - which I will put right -
Tuj - The hog is a curious beast
CdM - Remarkably skilled on the piste
Chalky
Its key to success
Raak - Is a long satin dress
Juxtapose - With which its drag force is decreased
CdM - [Chalky] Not sure that you are right about that. I think murgle is an acceptable past participle in some dialects -- like 'I have stole' rather than 'I have stolen'. And from what I hear, that Channel Islands dialect can be pretty odd at times.
Rosie - While attempting to extract a square root (Juxt) V. good. (CdM, Chalky) How much more dung are you going to fling at him? It's not as if he's f***** the game up.
Software - My computer had need to reboot
penelope - Switch it off, switch it on [Rosie] Check your Spoof Detector batteries :o)
Raak - Then delete all the pr0n
Chalky - Which takes hours - you may need to re-route
Chalky - [CdM] A fair point. However, Ernie Murgle's tract: Semantic Correlates of Unaccusativity [1973] highlights the formal properties of such lexical derivations. 'Murgle' from the French 'murgler' has evolved into one of the few verbs that can have infinitive objects with agents or gerunds but with a difference in meaning which is left to the speaker/writer. Agree, though, that wibbly dialect can distort the shades of meaning.
Rosie - (pen) Batteries OK - no spoofery detected. Are you sure yours don't need the recharger. :-)
Chalky - Whenever you need to recharge [Rosie] If I didn't know you better I'd say you'd had a SOH bypass :-)
irach - Set sail on the Rhone in a barge
Software - Then dangle your toes
Phil - In the river that flows
Rosie - Ça vous fera d'avantage. (Chalky) Yeah, awright missis. :-)
nights - If it's fun and adventure you seek, [Rosie]*coughcoughbadsyntaxcough*
irach - Climb to Kilimanjaro's cold peak
Raak - Then put on your skis
Chalky - Connect to your Wii's
Marc - Then launch your surf-kite with a shriek....
Marc - When surfing the net please beware
Chalky - Of sites which promote latex wear
Raak - Their corrupting allure
Software - Will quickly assure
Rosie - You that fetishism's not rare. (nights) I'm not surprised. What should it be, then? I did get the country right. Next time; Welsh.
nights - Lain down by the fire one night, (Rosie) I'd have gone for "ça vous sera d'avantage" myself. Irritatingly though, I can't satisfactorily tell you why.
irach - Was a phantom of my pure delight
Rosie - 'Twas wreathèd in vapours (nights) Not the syntax, then. Just one letter, in fact, but I bow to your greater knowledge.
Raak - And danced veilèd capers
Software - Sure-ly a drink induced sight [Rosie/nights] personally I would have used soit, since there is a degree of uncertainty.
Marc - The sights you can see when you're drunk
Raak - Can put the naive in a funk
irach - Pink elephants prancing
Phil - Tim Wonnacott dancing
nights - All hopes of recovery truly sunk [Software] Crikey, you're right, but then I was never any good at the subjunctive.
Projoy - Of mice and of men let us sing
irach - Grapes of wrath to the table let's bring
Marc - And Silence of the Lambs
CdM - I wouldn't normally do this, but given that this line doesn't really scan, seems unconnected to the previous lines (unless I'm missing something), and has apparently stalled the limerick, I suggest replacing it with
To Cannery Row
Software - To get on with the show
Marc - East of Eden said Arthur, the King. Sorry guys, must have been hungry as I posted that line… Thought you were aiming at book titles containing animals or food and didn’t instantly see the connection with John Steinbeck’s eminent works. Completely agree with your remark about the scansion, here is a huge potential for improvements both regarding mine and other submissions I’m afraid…
Marc - It’s stated that Scansion is Science www.berkeley.edu/news/media/releases/99legacy/8-23-1999b.html
Raak - You can do it too, with this appliance!
Software - Take note of the meter
Quendalon - And make your verse neater
irach - Scansion police will check your compliance
Tuj - The police are coming! Now run!
Rosie - They'll gasp when they see what we've done
Projoy - It took us a week
penelope - To construct this cheek
irach - Now these cops will all ruin our fun
Rosie - There was a posh lady from Purley
irach - Who loved all things lacy and girly
nights - Her knickers were found
Tuj - Entwinéd around
Software - Her ankles by a chap big and burly
Raak - Eat less and live long, so they say
I Say, Porter! - And think, "what does Calista weigh"?
Rosie - Give answer in ounces
irach - (Clue)-(No part of her bounces)
Simons Mith - She's this close to floating away
Software - A grocer from old London town
Simons Mith - Wore a beautiful cabbage-leaf gown
Raak - When it started to wilt
penelope - They revived it with silt
Rosie - That Old Father Thames had brought down.
Juxtapose - I met a mad widow from Worcester
Simon Mith - Who thought she was General Cucestor [Jux] That's much more of a sod of a rhyme that you may have intended.
Rosie - Though the vicar had Bleicester (SM) It is, unless northern vowels are invoked, which makes it much easier.
Chalky - Delusions did feicester
Raak - No problem -- to them she was Ucester.
Rosie - While pond'ring the properties of matter
Software - I constructed a new kind of batter
Tuj - Though crumbly and soft
Rosie - It re-lines the loft 1 + 4 OK?
irach - But it's low cal- it won't make you fatter
Simons Mith - There was a young bard from Japan
Who was stung on the knee by a wasp
He cursed and screamed and hollered
And said, "Please take me to hosp."
A glimerick (or possibly a limerorm) by Simons Mith

Raak - Mm, hybrid poetical forms. The limeronnet: 7 couplets, alternately long and short limerick metre, with the long couplets all using the same rhyme. The sonnaiku: 14 syllables in 4 lines with ABBA rhyme. The limerestina: a cycle of five limericks plus a final couplet following rules too complicated to work out. The villanellerick, the Petrarchan tercet, the epic cinquain, ...
Marc - There once was a Samurai coward ...swiftly moving on...
Juxtapose - Who worked for Prime Minister Howard
Phil - With his trusty katana
Knobbly - And half-ripe banana
Tuj - His deeds with great praises were showered. Australian in a nutshell, really
Simons Mith - Sonnaiku
Rare form of verse
Severely terse
Tough to do

Irouléguy - Hard but fair
Keeping it short
Makes the verse taut
No hot air

Simons Mith - Modern
Hiawatha
Made himself some mittens
Fur side inside, skin side outside
Cosy!

Raak - [SM] Bravo!
I wonder if we could try for a limeronnet? Lines 1, 2, 5, 6, 9, 10, 13, and 14 all have to rhyme.
A young man who went out on a date
Knobbly - With a girl from Connecticut State
Irouléguy - Was charmèd to learn
Kim - She expected to earn
irach - A stiff fee if he wanted to mate
Simons Mith - [Raak] I think that <hr> means 'no'. You can have a go on your own if you like. We'll watch.
Raak - Makes a limerick that is too terse
Software - Normal service shall soon be resumed
Phil - When that nice Edward Lear is exhumed
penelope - He spins in his grave
Rosie - His soul we must save
Raak - Lest our wit end up dead and entombed.
Chalky - Top limming all round :-)
irach - There was an old man with no beard
Kim - Who said, "It is not, as I feared,
Rosie - Malign alopecia
penelope - But a non-hirsute feature
Juxtapose - Sleep-walking where livestock is sheared"
Rosie - At Bristol, Temple Meads Station
Raak - I felt a quick stab of elation
irach - As I ran to my train
Phil - I felt it again
Chalky - But alas - it was mere constipation
Chalky - The pain in my butt's getting worse
Phil - If it gets any worse I might curse
Software - But with this senna pod
Raak - Flushing out my whole bod
irach - I may stop being quite so perverse
Simons Mith - Let's all sing in praise of the prune
Rosie - Will the tenors please get in tune
irach - For "Gloria-Il Pruno!"
irach - ...poetic license invoked (should actually be "la prugna secca" )
Phil - (Sung alla Frank Bruno)
Software - Will sound more like Clair de Lune
Rosie - While trying to put up a shelf
irach - I just realised I was an elf
Software - My tiny physique
Phil - Makes six feet of teak
Raak - Too heavy to put up myself.
Phil - I enjoyed that one :-)
Quendalon - I ordered a chair from IKEA
Juxtapose - But instead got a case of Sangría
Rosie - Those Swedes, they're so boozy
Software - At despatch they're not choosy
irach - Yet, boozeless, they tend to be angrier
Marc - My girlfriend from Stockholm, so cute
Raak - Played a gay saraband on the flute
Rosie - I joined in on bass
Phil - Wearing taffeta lace
Simons Mith - But the talent scout gave us the boot!
Chalky - The orchestra struck up a tune
CdM - The lounge singer started to croon
irach - As I looked at her eyes
Software - To my great surprise
penelope - One was purple, the other maroon
nights - While strolling one morning in June
irach - I noticed the Man in the Moon
Raak - He looked down at me
Simons Mith - Superciliously
Software - 'Cos I was walking along with a spoon
Rosie - The good folk of Accrington, Lancs
penelope - Had tattoos of dogs on their shanks
Juxtapose - The reason, they claimed,
penelope - They were artistic'ly maimed
Was because of the tattooist's pranks
sorrysorrysorry
irach - A problem with poodles and collies
Simons Mith - Is their fear of Victorian follies
Rosie - Which makes them pass water
Chalky - Their legs then grow shorter
Red Wolf - And they steal all the little kids' lollies.
Tuj - If you stand on a hill in the rain
Rosie - People will say you're insane
irach - And the wetter you get
Red Wolf - The longer you'll sit
Red Wolf - And you'll never make that train. At least not to MC...
Rosie - One day while defrosting the fridge
irach - I found on the icecream, a midge
penelope - On the butter, a bug
Raak - Of green mould, a rug
Red Wolf - And another head on London Bridge
Marc - Just eat when you're hungry and then,
Raak - Eat nowt till you're hungry again
Software - With such a regime
irach - Your rather large beam
Rosie - Will go; you'll be svelte, and pull men.
Red Wolf - There once was a man from Glasgow
irach - Who when fishing, would let a caught bass go
Juxtapose - His ichthyo mercy
Rosie - To them that prefer sea You do better . . . .
Bigsmith - Would give him a satisfied glow
Bigsmith - It's good to return from the cold
irach - I'm an ex-spy, and I'm getting old
Simons Mith - My decoder ring
Red Wolf - Just won't sing
Chalky - [Red Wolf] oopsie ... 3 - yes a mere 3 syllables ... sorry chap - not quite the thing :-) Have another crack at it, eh?
Red Wolf - Just ain't enough bling How's that, [Chalky]? Never have been wonderful limericks, ever since hearing "There once was a man from Nantuckett"...
Rosie - It's plastic and steel, not gold. (RW) Just will not sing, or The bugger don't sing would have done. It's the rhythm.
Chalky - If I had a heart, I would give u.s.a.
Red Wolf - Some poor bugger a chance to live That seems to scan right...
Software - My donated ticker
penelope - Sewn in someone who's sicker
Rosie - Is useless - it leaks like a sieve Difficult rhyme
Quendalon - If your kidneys have suffered from drink
irach - Which caused them to shrivel and shrink
Marc - Rent a Kidney Machine
Red Wolf - It's sure to clean
Rosie - Out the stuff that makes your breath stink. Not to say drop down dead. What a delightful subject.
Red Wolf - Winter's a great time of year
irach - Let's bring out some egg nog and beer!
Projoy - Put wood on the fire
Marc - The flames will grow higher
CdM - And higher and higher an— oh dear...
Marc - The night when we grilled dear old Santa
irach - We were drunk and exchanging weird banter
Juxtapose - When we woke the next morn'
Red Wolf - All our faces - forlorn
Darren - The only drink left was some Fanta
Rosie - As an oldie you don't pay much tax
irach - For old fogies the rules they relax
Marc - And you get in return
Raak - A free funeral urn
Phil - As you'll soon Requiescat In Pax Apols for the poor Latin, but my Poetic Licence is valid till the end of the month.
Rosie - I came a long way from St Louis
penelope - And my spoggy* became very chewy *spoggy - noun: (slang) Chewing Gum
irach - So I sang the Blues
Chalky - Then discovered the news
penelope - There's more to spearmint than just gooey
Juxtapose - American Football goes thus:
Rosie - And most Brits it fair doth nonplus (pen) Heavens! You don't - masticate, do you?
Software - A sport played in armour or armor?
Red Wolf - With fans all a-clamor I'm sure you could dialect that to "clarmor"
irach - Each "first down" they put up a fuss
Chalky - His symptoms were carefully noted
Simons Mith - And after the viewers had voted
Raak - To evict from the house
irach - His flea-ridden mouse
Software - 'Een though it was sugar-coated
nights - On a moonlit night down in Bude
Raak - I walked on the beach in the nude (oblig.)
Raak - walked ran (after seeing the 8-words game)
Software - But the nippy sea air
Chalkybloke - Made my man-bits despair
Rosiegirl - But it did make my tits look quite rude. disgraceful
Chalky - [Rosie] teehee :-)
Rosie - A young lad from Mablethorpe, Lincs. (Chalky) Fancy a cold shower, m'dear?
Phil - Sprayed the whole of his body with Lynx
Simons Mith - Though it didn't half sting
Software - It concealed the ming
Bigsmith - And attracted a sexy young minx
penelope - She would have had a whiff of chips-and-vinegar about her though.
I'm attempting a personal best
Software - So I shall take off my vest
Raak - Then I'll ripple my pecs
Juxtapose - If no one objects
Chasty ( o ) ( o ) - That my tits are just drawn on my chest
penelope - Let's distance ourselves from this sleaze
Marc - And study how flowers and bees
Rosie - Ensure that the species
Software - Can produce ample faeces
irach - Tut, tut, tut... some decorum, please!
Chalky - With dignified elegant ease - I was going to post this as a last line but irach got there first , so it will have to do as a first line
Rosie - I charm the birds from the trees
CdM - I then break their necks
Software - Cook 'em Tex-Mex
Bigsmith - And serve them with French fries and peas
Simons Mith - When I began cooking a crow
Raak - I heated the coals to a glow
Rosie - I placed it with care (CdM, S, B) Vicious - brilliant.
Software - 'Cos I wanted it rare
Bigsmith - I like it like that, cooked just so - Thanks R
irach - I really think I am a maven
Bigsmith - Quite expert at sexing a raven
Juxtapose - The dif'rence, you see,
penelope - Is the way that they pee I had to.
Phil - Plus the girls are Brazilian shaven
Software - Trad - There was a young lady from Spain
Raak - Who loved to go out in the rain
Quendalon - She'd get soaked to the skin
Rosie - 'Cos her tee-shirt was thin drool....
Ella - I do wish she'd do it again If you can't beat 'em, join 'em
Simons Mith - A hairy old codger from York
Juxtapose - Assaulted a nun with a spork
Chalky - Her re-tal-i-a-tion
Marc - Without hesitation
Software - Was to pray for his balls on a fork
Chalky - That saucy young widow from Slough
Raak - Made a solemn and celibate vow
Rosie - That she'd ne'er again
CdM - Have sex. (Except when
Stewie - Rancher Eason's bull mounted a cow)
Bigsmith - Bring me the head of Alfredo Fantastic stuff on the Film Club page at the moment
Simons Mith - Garcia, a Triumph Toledo [Bigs] Forcing ...
Raak - Some Kendal Mint Cake
Software - A pack of Snopake®
Rosie - And a ticket for something by Feydeau.
Marc - While skiing one day in Zermatt
Juxtapose - I chanced on a leprechaun's pot
Rosie - I solved the Last Problem of Fermat (Juxt) That doesn't come anywhere near a rhyme. i'm leaving mine in.
CdM - But writing quite large in [Rosie] Hmmm. I read Marc's line as While skiing one day in Zermatt (which I think puts the correct stress in the place name), not While skiing one day in Zermatt. I agree you need a pretty strong (perhaps American?) accent to rhyme it with 'pot', though.
CdM - So, come to think of it, I'll bifurcate:
But, sadly, inside / But writing quite large in
Juxtapose - zermatt, the stressed syllable of which does indeed rhyme nicely with "pot" to a Yank.
Software - A problem I spied/The edge of the margin
Chalky - Made both my skis freeze on the spaht / Made me think of old Father Dermat

This is, apparently, the correct pronunciation - whatever accent one has :-)
Chalky - In order to find my religion
Marc - I launched my best trained homing pigeon
irach - She returned in a day
Software - To show me the way
CdM - To Mecca. She erred by a smidgeon
Chalky - [M, i, S and CdM] bravo :-)
Software - While cleaning out my old chest freezer
Rosie - To my horror, I found Julius Caesar
irach - For a chap who was dead
Phil - He looked very well-fed
Chasty - Though his stiffness so cold couldn’t please ‘er
CdM - Gather round, for I'll sing you a song!
Phil - "The Ballad of Fay and King Kong"
Rosie - The note, maestro, please
Juxtapose - Is the flattest of 'C's
Juxtapose - Is the flattest of 'E's
Simons Mith - Could you gimme Big Ben for a bong?

According to my research, Big Ben was actually cast in E.
[Juxt] Hope you don't mind.

Chalky - In order to sing out of tune
Marc - I borrowed a helium balloon
irach - I then took a deep breath
Quendalon - Smoked a big hit of meth
Simons Mith - Now I sound like Eccles the Goon
Juxtapose - The trouble with playing E Flat [SM] no worries
Raak - Is it startles my neighbour's tomcat
Quendalon - When that beast starts to yowl
irach - My dog starts to howl
Marc - So I clubbed them both with my bat
Marc - The problem with clubbing ones pet
irach - Is rather large bills from the vet
Raak - Plus a call from the Plod
CdM - And the vengeance of God
Simons Mith - And that's why I've not done it, yet
Rosie - I think we should all have a party
irach - Watson, let's not invite Moriarty
Chalky - [irach] sorry to interrupt - but does your line scan - like really? Or is it just me that's having difficulty. I'm surprised - because you're usually spot-on in scansionland.
Phil - [Chalky] it scans for me: Watson, let's not invite Moriarty.
Mrs Hudson will strip
irach - [Chalky] Sorry to offend. But Phil seems to feel the same way I did on the scansion when penning...er, posting the line.
Marc - Brut Champagne we will sip
Chalky - [Phil, irach] - yesyesyes, I get the stress marks that Phil kindly html-ed - I just don't get the hurried Watson word. No offence taken, or indeed intended. Just curious.
Software - Never realized she was so tarty
Quendalon - In Vienna they bake a nice tart
Juxtapose - It's almost refined to an art
Software - Delicious pastry
Rosie - Seasoned tastily Japanese pronunciation invoked in desperation.
irach - That's sold in the streets from a cart
Chalky - In order to gain his affection
blamelewis - She covered herself in confection
blamelewis - [Two lims back] I too find it tricky to read limerick lines with two syllables before the first stress... It seems more natural to me to have one, as in dah DAH... as otherwise the first two have to be rushed together. For me. I guess that's why this thrives as a spoken form :)
And now, because I hate breaking up the bold stuff (though not enough not to do it...)
Chalky - In order to gain his affection
blamelewis - She covered herself in confection
Bigsmith - With sweet chocolate bits
Chasty - She covered her tits
Software - Which sweetly caught his attention Tut, tut, Chalky
Bigsmith - Surely the last line should be "Which gave him a stonking erection"?....coat!
Quendalon - There once was a gingerbread man
Raak - Who attempted to dance the can-can
CHALKY - But sadly the heat [Softers] I hope you're not tut-tutting the fourth line. That isn't me.
penelope - Melted both of his feet
CHALKY - So his pants now adorn Notre Dame
TUJ - My blood-sugar level is low Is Chasty a newbie then? ;)
IRACH - On a saccharine binge I must go
Rosie - Which won't help at all Why is everyone shouting their name?
Software - As it's sugar's f-all
marc - Let's 'ave Anisette de Bordeaux...
KIM - There was a young man from Korea Can everyone hear me?
irach - Who suffered Huntington's chorea
Bigsmith - The symptoms, I'm told
Software - Are sad to behold
Juxtapose - In the head of Alfredo Garcia
Simons Mith - My aunt suffers terrible pains
irach - She has gout and god-awful chilbains
Quendalon - She sought herbal cures
penelope - For the aches she endures
Rosie - But they failed, and the problem remains. 'Orrible, but chacun à son gout, I s'pose.
Quendalon - When Smaug caught a terrible cold
Quendalon - Argh, forgot the boldface. Let's try that again:
Quendalon - When Smaug caught a terrible cold
Chalky - Middle Earth's fate didst unfold
irach - Those horrible sneezes
Tuj - Caused feculent breezes
Marc - And a greenhouse effect yet untold
blamelewis - Let's dance, you and I, in the buff.
penelope - Our shoes and our smiles is enough
Simons Mith - As we shimmy and shake
Juxtapose - Perhaps it will slake
Software - The carnal needs of the rough
Simons Mith - Let's toss off a rapid mazurka
Rosie - Not easy when wearing a burka . . . . lucky old mazurka. . . .
Raak - Enshrouded in gloom
irach - Amidst a simoom
blamelewis - And reading the Socialist Worker ...and they say multiculturalism doesn't work...
Juxtapose - There once was a student from Kent
Quendalon - Whose member was upwardly bent
irach - So he put it to use
Rosie - Aiming the juice . . . .disgusting . . .
Software - In a cup to be used after Lent Yuk!
penelope - I'm hoping to get a donation
Chalky - Of blood for transubstantiation
Quendalon - But to rent a messiah
Simons - Would be courting hellfire
Rosie - 'Cos nowadays they're mostly Asian.
Quendalon - An imp who liked dwelling in boxes
irach - Was discovered and eaten by foxes
Software - But his devilish ghost
Darren - Could nonetheless boast
Rosie - That their tails were bushier than ox's.
Kim - There's nothing but trash on the telly
Quendalon - As you watch it, your brain turns to jelly
Rosie - So grasp the remote
Juxtapose - Stretch open your throat
Software - And pour more beer in your belly
Chalky - Beware of the snake in the grass
Rosie - It'll worm its way right up your arse
irach - In contrast,the ant
Software - Is no sycophant
Quendalon - And is proportionately stronger by mass
Marc - Tonight is the night, I am sure
blamelewis - I'll wine 'er and dine 'er and woo 'er
Rosie - And should I succeed
irach - A prophylactic I'll need
Software - Which after I'll flush down the sewer
blamelewis - He stood ankle deep in the sewer
irach - Wished the rats swarming round were much fewer
Rosie - The stench, too, was vile
CdM - Yet one thing made him smile:
Software - A young lady approached and he knew her
Rosie - Her Maj's Inspector of Taxes
Software - Gets many abusive faxes
Kim - But why should he care?
Chalky - 'Cause I don't. So there. - truly - I don't
blamelewis - As long as my bank account waxes.
Quendalon - The moon, oh she waxes and wanes
Chalky - She beguiles those who love in dark lanes
irach - When these moonstruck entwine
Phil - You can see the moon shine
Raak - By the light of far fusion-fueled flames. Try saying that three times quickly.
Rosie - My washing line is a catenary
Software - Supplying railway machinery
CdM - Hmmm... I thought I posted this comment before, but maybe I just previewed. Anyway, [SW], maybe I am missing something, but I simply cannot make sense of your line as a follow-up to Rosie's. And judging by the silence here, neither can anyone else...
Raak - The purple giraffe
irach - Is good for a laugh
Rosie - And greatly enhances the scenery. (CdM) Possibly, but he could be referring to those little chains that used to connect loose-coupled wagons. Anyway, I've broken all the rules by ending this one and nearly did so earlier, my first line being a bit too technical, perhaps.
Juxtapose - The funniest limerick written
Magritte - Is about a pair of blue mittens
Bigsmith - Or, perhaps, just the one? irony invoked
Raak - With a hole in its thumb?
irach - Gnawed on by a pair of blue kittens
Tuj - The distance from here to Kentucky
Raak - May be leapt in one jump by the plucky
Juxtapose - Just settle your stance,
blamelewis - Aim squarely for France
Bigsmith - And you'll get there on time if you're lucky
Software - There was a young man from Brazil [CdM, Rosie] actually, I was referring to one of these
Raak - Who decided to write his own will
irach - "Mi Testamento", he began
Rosie - To ten sides of foolscap it ran (Softers) I'd forgotten about those wires and so had CdM, possibly. I'm not into electrics, as you know. :-)
Juxtapose - With scansion that made readers ill.
irach - A crusty curmudgeon from Dover
Phil - Always puked when he heard "The Wild Rover"
Rosie - 'Cos his car was a Metro
Bigsmith - Its styling so retro
Software - With a failed MOT moreover
Quendalon - I drive a Mercedes-Benz well, not really
Software - Old, with knocking big ends
Rosie - Its top speed is thirty
irah - Its air filter's dirty
blamelewis - But ya gotta keep up with the trends
Phil - An Escort estate is my steed
Simons Mith - I've started to run it on mead
Bigsmith - The fumes really stink
Rosie - Like me, after drink
Somebody Else - But it goes like a honey on speed
Rosie - A Dutchman called Maurice van Hoote 2 syllabubs in Hoote.
Raak - Wore clogs that war werkelijk te groote
Bigsmith - Zij kwetsen zijn voeten
Marc - Werstopft wurst van Hooten Flamish dialect warning!
Software - Hij stempelde helemaal over het fruit Slightly dodgy flow warning!
Phil - Can we do a bifurcated Limerick that at least scans in two languages at once? If it rhymes in both languages too, then so much the better, but I reckon rhyming in one language would be enough.
Un loup-garou mangeait un chat - A werewolf was eating a cat
Raak - Qu'il a pris dans un sous-sol, à bas - Which he found in a sub-basement flat
Sounds like an idea for the Wretchedly Difficult Poetry game on Orange
Software - Quand tout à coup - When quite suddenly
Rosie - Il dit "Je m'en fous" - Said "Bovvered? Not me" Don't ask me to try one in Welsh. 5 lines out of 5 is a bad form, and my Dad would turn in his grave.:-)
Chalky - "Est ce ce que je fais que cela!" - "This is what I do - and that's that !"
Simons Mith - Beware of the were-armadillo!
Rosie - For example, Michael Portillo
Quendalon - Was bit on the knee
Marc - As he went out to pee
irach - On the range near the town, Amarillo
Software - In Esher they often do say
Phil - That a moron is born every day btw, congrats to everyone in the bilingual limerick - bloody marvellous!
Kim - In Egham, meanwhile
penelope - High achievement's in style
Rosie - Unless pissed, when they fall in the Wey.
blamelewis - Oi! Waiter! This soup's ruddy cold!
Rosie - Your tip, my good man, is on hold
penelope - The gratuity's due
Software - But it ain't for you
Chalky - So hot up your pace - you've been told!
I'm sure there's a witty finish to this stalled* limerick - but as no-one has ventured one, you'll have to accept my dull offering.
*< musing > It's strange how some limericks simply run out of steam. In this instance, despite a lively start, lines 3 and 4 merely re-iterated line 2, offering no real development of the idea/story, leaving us with no where to go. < /musing >
penelope - So we need to develop the plot
Software - Whether it thickens or not
Rosie - So develop the tale
Raak - Or Chalky will wail
Tuj - But make sure your scansion is hot!
That's a whole different kettle of fish
CdM - (That's fish in a pot, not a dish)
Rosie - So boil up your cod
Software - Freshly caught on a rod
irach - I'm sure it will turn out delish
blamelewis - I say! Is that blood on your hand?
Tuj - Or are you just overly tanned?
Quendalon - Your skin is so red
penelope - Is anyone dead?
penelope - Did you take out the man that you planned?
Hurry along now, nothing to see here.
Quendalon - Strategy is a technique
Software - 'Tho sometimes appearing oblique
Marc - Choosing tactics to use
blamelewis - will never excuse
Tuj - Just guessing in moments of pique I fear that may have strayed into being too vague & abstract
Juxtapose - If you're uncertain, just guess Opposite-limerick experiment
CdM - You're sure to be right, more or less
Rosie - Thus, my prediction
blamelewis - turns out to be fiction [Juxtapose] Did you mean backwards, or something else?
Marc - Please tell me if No or if Yes?
Marc - I’m sure Easter Bunnies lay egg
Quendalon - Such bunnies, they say, have two leg
Software - With chocolate ears
penelope - They don't so well hears
Rosie - Poor things - they're simply the dreg.
Quendalon - In anger I say, "Son of gun!" Continuing with "deliberately bad grammar" theme
Software - "You've stolen my last Hot Cross Bun!"
Rosie - Your greed, it are frightful
Marc - Proceed, that's so spiteful
Finisher - You bastard - Attila the Hun! Swiftly moving on wishing you all a nice April-fools day
Rosie - There once was a plumber from Lodz careful.... :-)
Raak - Who worked as a conjuror's stodz
nights - His rabbits, he found
Bigsmith - Kept on going to ground
Phil - And they'd use the town's drains for refyodz
Tuj - When selecting a verse's last word
Rosie - From whimsy be not deterred
Software - Nor sarcastic or trite
Marc - Rather witty than bright
Kim - And genius will be inferred
blamelewis - The Lim'rick's a wonderful verse
Tuj - With a range from whimsical to terse
Rosie - In which we display
Bigsmith - Our skills every day
Software - 'Tho sometimes our scansion is worse
irach - While Edward Lear turns in his grave
Chalky - Say 'Bah' to the form - misbehave!
Rosie - Au contraire, I insist
Software - With perfection persist
Phil - To scansion and rhyme be a slave
Rosie - The moon, as it waxes and wanes
irach - Elicits weird urges in Danes
blamelewis - Their flesh gets too solid
Raak - Their conscience too stolid
Marc - They drink lots of Carlsberg while rattling their chains
Marc - The best beer of choice is Black Gold,
Rosie - By the cubic mile is it sold
Quendalon - To giants on Mars
Software - That wear J-cup bras
Raak - Double glazed so they keep out the cold.
Simons Mith - If you ever have tea with the Pope
blamelewis - Tell the obnoxious bastard to get a fucking grip and consider the suffering of his morally intractable position on condom use.
blamelewis - Should have been "suffering caused by"... sorry. Normal unranty service now resumes

Simons Said: If you ever have tea with the Pope
Rosie - Ask if he'd fancy a grope
CdM - Most likely he'll say
Software - "Come later today"
Phil - When I'll ask of two nuns, 'Where's the soap?' " Please excuse the iffy punctuation, but I think you'll find my poetic licence is up-to-date.
Rosie - While scooping baked beans from a tin (Phil) I see you are the proud possessor of the Diploma of Advanced Filth as well.
Software - I drunk a whole bottle of gin
Quendalon - Now there's beans on the floor
Tuj - And I'm drunk, and what's more
Marc - I am sure I've comitted a sin (to be cont'd...)
Marc - 'case the gin that I gulped wasn't mine
ahem -
'cause the gin that I gulped wasn't mine
Bigsmith - I thought that was a reasonable continuation? So:
Marc - 'cause the gin that I gulped wasn't mine
Bigsmith - (It belonged to Jeremy Vine)
Chalky - I'd best make amends - < mode/school ma'am > What a messy page! You can all stay behind at break .. < /mode>
Phil - Or we'll never be friends
Juxtapose - So I've bought him this sparkling white wine.
Software - The Pope's in the US of A
Chalky - Shooting craps with New Jersey's D.A.
Rosie - Their guns on the table
irach - And a hooker named Mabel
Tuj - Oh no here come the press! Run away!
Phil - In the US is also G Brown
Raak - Upstaged by Pope Talk-of-the-Town
Software - Our own dour Scot
penelope - Is expecting a lot
Marc - Like swim 'cross the (baptismal) font - or just drown
Rosie - There isn't a lot one can do
irach - On a visit to old Kathmandu
Chalky - Its strange architecture
Phil - Can trigger conjecture
blamelewis - That architects there were bored too.
Rosie - While reading an Icelandic Saga (i,C,P,b) Top drawer. Still quietly chortling.
irach - Queen Ragnhild made me go ga-ga
Bigsmith - I much prefer Norse
Software - And that is because
Rosie - It's the land that gave the world lager. So nuke it.
Chalky - If you want to achieve instant fame
CdM - You first should take on a new name
Marc - Such as Bill, Sue or Bob
Quendalon - Or else Jill, Hugh or Rob
Juxtapose - And then kill every human dubbed same
Tuj - If you could make a trip to the moon
Quendalon - With three crystals, an ankh and a rune
irach - Your lunar sojourn
Rosie - You old curmudgeon
Chalky - Will grumpily last until June
Software - To travel through space is my wish
Chalky - On this customised satellite dish
Rosie - To Alpha Centauri!
Quendalon - For honor and glory!
Marc - I'll leave fast as light with a swish!
Marc - So we'll steer a brave course towards the stars
Raak - wards?
Kim - With our Icelandic pilot, named Lars [Raak] "t'wards", perhaps?
Projoy - Our work will be done (just read some of the recent entries and this game appears to be going thru a particularly good phase)
Raak - When we reach a new sun
Chalky - And we've daubed it with chocolate from Mars
Rosie - Forward, brave cosmonauts, go!
Software - The seeds of adventure to sow
Phil - Set phasers to stun!
blamelewis - At a quarter to one
CdM - Wait! What is that eerie green glow? (to be continued}
[Projoy] Don't worry. We can fix that.

Chalky - The ghostly chartreuse phosphorescence
Raak - That haunts, of a midnight, my pleasance
Rosie - Is a manifestation ....bit of a squash...
Darren - Of my medication
Juxtapose - That I take for excessive tumescence
blamelewis - [C,R,R,D,J] Nice :)
I'm just off to take some viagra
Chalky - 'Cause I'm hoping to pull in Niagara
[blamelewis] Thanks - but my first line was supposed to continue the space theme [clearly indicated by CdM]. All's well that ends well, eh? As for the current lim - there are precisely NO rhymes listed for the ubiquitous Viagra. Niagara will do the trick [for now] but it DOES make it very difficult for others to follow your lead.
Rosie - Where the girls are so horny . . . subtle stuff . . . (Juxt) There is a more natural remedy. (Chalky) One can just about do something with Niagara but not, agreed, viagra, at least in the rhyming sense.
irach - And like men big and brawny
Marc - And suffer from chronic cleidagra
Marc - On the right side we see what is left
Software - 'Cos the left side now is bereft
Raak - Of what's on the right
CdM - Which is right in your sight
Rosie - But you need to be visually deft.
blamelewis - [Chalky] - I just assumed that the plot outlined in the limerick in question happened in space... :) As for viagra, I thought of niagra (and had a vague idea that there might be an ejaculatory metaphor in there somewhere...) but couldn't think of a third rhyme but hoped others with bigger vocabularies might find one, or else employ a bit of creative twisting to still allow for a fun limerick - so bravo Marc for finding the "gouty pain in the clavicle".
I expanded my vocabulary
Phil - By mimicking old Sweary Mary
Software - I'll show that I'm really no fairy
Raak - When I entered the constabulary   I think we have two limericks on the go simultaneously.
Chalky -
Perhaps three. Shall I ...?
b - I expanded my vocabulary
P - By mimicking old Sweary Mary / S - I'll show that I'm really no fairy / R - When I entered the constabulary
I peppered my chat / Test-os-te-rone / I copped three new words
Bigsmith - With words so profane that / Really gives me the bone / (They were slag, nonce and birds)
Juxtapose - b+P The barkeep threw up in my sherry
P+S (But then, so do backs that are hairy)
S+R When I slept with the Sergeant's canary.
Chalky - [Juxtapose] very clever and very funny. Bravo :-)
blamlewis - That was fun!
In my hand is a very strange thing
Darren - I found it while passing through Tring
Raak - It makes a loud beep
Rosie - At which sound I leap
Phil - I'd rather a long ding-a-ling.
penelope - I don't have a cent to my name
irach - Can't make bucks as a pantomime dame
Rosie - But I might as a horse
blamelewis - (The front end, of course)
Raak - But I'm stuck with the rear -- O the shame!
Chalky - Regardless of all the objections
irach - I've taken those hormone injections
Rosie - So lock up your daughters
Marc - Make way for the slaughters
Tuj - I shoot lasers in all the directions!
Tuj - A sure way to tell left from right
Juxtapose - Is tieing one sneaker too tight [Tuj] nice ending on the last one
irach - When that foot goes all numb
CdM - Take the opposite thumb
Chalky - And measure the width of its height - silly - but that's limericks :-)
Chalky - Believe me - I've just laid an egg!
Marc - 'twas launched through my left trousers leg
Raak - The birds know what 'tis
Rosie - 'S them we must quiz
Chalky - But please ask them nicely - don't beg
Quendalon - I like to drink strawberry milk
Chalky - Through a straw spun from taffeta silk
Phil - Some call me a ponce
Juxtapose - But my cool nonchalance
Blob - Is required as a trait of my ilk
Projoy - Oh-bla-di, oh-bla-da, life goes on
Software - So how come I feel put-upon?
nights - This mortal coil
irach - Just makes me recoil
Rosie - 'Cos someone had left it switched on.
Simons Mith - A potential supplier of Volts
Raak - Had an urge to electrocute dolts
Rosie - A hard man, is Thor
Software - He'll give you what-for
Quendalon - As he hammers you with thunder-bolts
Chalky - Take care when attaching this lead
Tuj - The wrong place and you might start to bleed
Phil - When you turn up the amps
Rosie - You'll get aural cramps
Simons Mith - And I don't believe that's what you need
Raak - There was an old man of the hills
irach - Who made some good hooch in his stills
Rosie - And this fiery liquor
Juxtapose - Was bought by our vicar
Software - To wash down all his happy pills
Raak - There was an old man of the dales
irach - Who ate nothing but old rusty nails
Marc - As he shat, out came chains
Tuj - Which he used to pull trains
Simons Mith - But I'll skip all the gory details
Tuj - I once bought a large fish and chips
Marc - Since then I’ve had fat greasy lips
Software - The shop's deep fat fryer
Chalky - Discharged its entire
Greasy load down on me - head to hips

penelope - The last three made me guffaw almost audibly here in the office.
There once was a man of the fens
Quendalon - Whose face was all covered in wens
Software - This spotty visage
Chalky - Clocked my décolletage
Rosie - Having already clocked pen's. No guffawing, please.
Raak - There was an old man of the seas
irach - Who enjoyed his shipboard high teas
Bigsmith - He liked cream on his scones
Software - And a skull with his bones
Juxtapose - But no pie with his rate, if you please
irach - There was an old man of the plains
Rosie - Who prayed for the start of the rains
Software - But a large inundation
Raak - Caused great consternation
Phil - Since Severn Trent buggered the mains.
Simons Mith - A lady of uncertain age
Marc - Met an old man who lived in a cage
Software - She said: "My dear man"
irach - "I have lived in a can"
Quendalon - "As one must when on minimum wage"
irach - A man with a Cheshire cat grin
Simons Mith - A victim was of his own spin
Rosie - But he knew in his heart
Marc - That he needed to fart
Raak - For it's better let out than kept in.
Simons Mith - A lady constructed of iron
Kim - Was placed on a plinth on Mount Zion
Raak - Her mute ferric gaze
Software - And Thatcherite ways
Rosie - Is what Dave Camer-on keeps his eye on. Sorry about that.
Chalky - A child made of sugar and spice
irach - Her wedding will come at a price
Software - But while she's a girl
PuppyDogTails - Watch her hip, skip and twirl
Chalky - And don't dwell on financial advice

Can't say I enjoyed the direction that limerick was taking - and it was beginning to annoy me - hence the mercy killing :-(
Quendalon - Young Mikey's a finicky lad
Simons Mith - And also a terrible cad
blamelewis - He's fussily lewd
penelope - and not very shrewd
Chasty - And Mondays he’s jerking like mad
Kim - It seems like a terrible waste [Chasty] Have you met Nemesis646?
Quendalon - Not to eat this delectable paste
blamelewis - But what makes me pause
irach` - Are these small waving claws
Software - P'raps discretion is better than haste
Raak - There once was a curate of Ghent
Marc - Who put up a sign: "Faith for rent",
Kim - A passing young scholar
Software - Hired a dog collar
Bigsmith - And gave up his old ways for lent
Juxtapose - There once was an old yoga master
Quendalon - At a bar with a Methodist pastor
irach - One stood on his head
Chalky - The other just bled
blamelewis - Their date was an utter disaster
Chalky - *laughs out LOUD*
CdM - SWM, 34,
penelope - Offers cuddles, romance and much more I've read these in the past - does it show?
Raak - For nights out and in
Quendalon - Drinking tonic and gin
FGZstar - Just knock three times on the front door.
FGZstar - Sorry, forgot the line...
Marc - The skill to draw lines we must train
And how to make Bold learn again
The scansion dear friend,
Software - One must not bend
Raak - Or we put in much work for small gain.
irach - "It's enchanting to meet you, dear lady"
Rosie - (I never thought that I'd meet Kate Adie)
Software - You're said to be tough
Phil - And a bit of hot stuff
Marc - No wonder your chin’s a bit shady
blamelewis - I can't help but notice that bulge
irach - In your midriff- could you please divulge?
Rosie - Just why you're so fat
Marc - So lazy and a brat
Botherer - And if I can in that indulge?
I know it's not Betjemen but I was seriously wondering where this was going...
Chalky - Come friendly bombs and fall on Slough! - [Botherererer] This is :)
Software - But not on Maidenhead - for now
Rosie - 'Cos it is so pretty
Phil - Compared with White City - refusing to use the obvious rhyme
penelope - Does poetic licence allow?
Rosie - There was a young chap from Nuneaton
Phil - Whose great-grandma was Mrs Beeton
irach - And, what is more
Quendalon - Went on a grand tour - likewise refusing the obvious rhyme
Raak - Where she met a great bear and was eaten.
Juxtapose - I just had a strange kind of tea [Raak] Ha ha
Rosie - Three dear old ladies and me
Software - We all shared a scone Pronunciation Alert!!
Phil - As we had but the one ...which rhymes perfectly in my household
irach - No arsenic or old lace I see
Tuj - A paste made of tuna and eggs
Phil - Is perfect for waxing the legs
irach - Its H2S and amines
Rosie - Applied every day means
Software - You'll enjoy totally hairless square pegs
blamelewis - Oi you! Yes you - bloke on the left!
irach - Need ya - not yer brains, just your heft
Botherer - I've a thing here you'll see
FGZstar - That's much bigger than me
Rosie - And my toe's being crushed. That's why I effed.
Tuj - A man of the Scottish persuasion
irach - Imbibed haggis at every occcasion
Raak - Its earthy bouquet [irach] Imbibed? Haggis?
Quendalon - And appearance risqué
Software - When liquidized is quite amazin' [irach] Correcting the logic ;o)
Tuj - I've got this idea in my head
Phil - I'm lying awake in my bed
Kim - I'm turning it over
Quendalon - And over and over
Rosie - That insomnia's fatal, it's said.
blamelewis - Sleep came like a reluctant gift
Botherer - As I entered a temporal rift
Software - I started to dream
Marc - We were a good team
Darren - Me and my time-travelling lift
CdM - I finished this poem tomorrow
Phil - In a Tardis the Doc let me borrow
Rosie - Inside it's so spacious
Software - Not to say ostentatious
Marc - But it brought me back here to my sorrow...
Marc - You travel in time in your dreams
Botherer - And it's all so confusing, it seems
irach - And Freud made it worse/b>
Software - Which is really perverse
Quendalon - Seeing Sigmund boff 'midst the timestreams
Kim - There was a young lady from Tring
Raak - Whose bell no-one ventured to ring
Marc - Until Uncle Andy
irach - Found a French tickler handy
Software - To do wonderful things to her thing Coat ...
Rosie - This lady from Tring was no slouch
irach - To this Uncle Andy will vouch
Software - As he took her back home
Chasty - In the bath - watch that foam !
Botherer - She accepted and never said "Ouch!"
Juxtapose - I once met the purest of maids
Software - During one of the drug squad's house raids
irach - Her stuff was so pure
Rosie - And she so demure
nyet - "Coochie-Coo" she piddled on my suedes
Software - The girl with the dishevelled hair
Rosie - And the quite unfeasibly large pair
irach - Posed nude for a mag
Phil - Which makes her a slag
penelope - And made quite a star of the chair let's move it along...
Rosie - I looked in the mirror and thought
Raak - "This wig that I recently bought unfinished quote alert
Software - seems to make me look odd
Kim - Like a cross between God
irach - And an unkempt old dishevelled sot"
Juxtapose - I just won a medal of gold
Software - For an act that was truly quite bold
Raak - At Tiananmen Square
Irouléguy - I wore, for a dare,
Rosie - Some brogues bought in Stow-on-the-Wold.
Uncle Korky - The inclement weather today
Software - Wind, rain and heavy cloud - grey
Marc - If you're wise - stay inside
penelope - Where your shoes can be dried
penelope - But don't throw the beach towel away A bit of an emergency finish... with optimism for more sunshine, geddit?
Rosie - I should never have meddled with gold
Software - This alchemy stuff's oversold
Raak - These mercury fumes
irach - And sulphurous spumes
Marc - Made me bald and my face looking old
Knobbly - The wrinkles and lines on my face
Software - Keep my rugged good looks in their place
Rosie - These fine indentations
Raak - Give gals palpitations
CdM - And that's why they shun my embrace
Simons Mith - A wizard, a sage and a witch
Darren - All gathered to summon a lich
Phil - It paused at the gate
irach - Where its skeletal state
Marc - Was so bad that it fell in the ditch
Marc - September - so nice warm and dry,
Software - Now rain doth pour from the sky
CdM - And now -- Christ! it's snowing!
Rosie - The climate is going..........
Marc#2 - ...awry - now it's time kiss this summer goodbye!
Kim - ....and scansion with it, I see.
irach - A tropical hurricane, Ike
Software - Has winds faster than I ride a bike
Rosie - Except when pursued
Bigsmith - By a bloke in the nude
Juxtapose - Who thinks that I'm Natalie Pike
Rosie - You cannot beat sausage and mash (Kim) McGonagall lives!
Software - It's the best you can get for your cash
irach - Whereas chips and fish
Raak - Is a very fine dish
Marc - When served on the front page of Flash
Software - While tuning the new Cern collider
Phil - I got shitfaced on Diamond White cider
CdM - It had a strange charm
Rosie - So I chanced my arm
Coyote - Last night I had a 'big bang'
Raak - When I threw my brand new boomerang
irach - As it hurtled back
penelope - Through the starry ink-black
Software - It hit my head with a clang Fed up with this one sitting here, now quickly moving on ...
Rosie - The things that one keeps in the loft
irach - Are oft fluffy and cuddly and soft
Software - So set a mouse trap
CdM - Among all that house crap
blamelewis - Then bin what the rodent half-scoffed.
irach - An aardvark who imbibed ant-acid
blamelewis - Soon found his proboscis all flaccid
nights - His face, it went red
Rosie - Like litmus, it's said
Software - Leaving him feeling quite placid
blamelewis - "Oh sir!" cried the maid in distress
Rosie - "My pic's in the tabloidy press"
Software - "I was at a party"
ImNotJohn - "Dressed up really tarty"
irach - "In my scanty new 'see-through it' dress"
Juxtapose - Tonight is the V.P. Debate
irach - So will it seal Ms. Palin's fate?
Software - Can a hockey mom whatever the hell that is
blamelewis - exhibit aplomb
Rosie - When her kid's up the duff and out late.
Software - The world of finance - it is tottering
Rosie - We'll all be reducèd to squattering
Kim - While those "in the know"
irach - Just rake in the dough
Marc - In a way that's very unflattering
Marc - My pockets are now filled with dough
Raak - I can feel the yeast making it grow
Software - I'll have plenty of bread
penelope - Or else, in its stead
Chasty - The bulge will make her eyes glow
Rosie - The camera, it's said, never lies
Software - Even if one dons disguise
irach - Dolly Parton with beard
Marc - Or your face with clay smeared
Bigsmith - Won't hide that you've ate all the pies
Tuj - "Shall we move a bit nearer the fire?"
Rosie - "The heat will inflame our desire"
penelope - "But what if the glow.. unfin
Raak - Starts to melt my big toe?"
irach - Wouldn't that just be too dire?"
Juxtapose - All Hallow's Eve was a treat
Software - Except for my melted feet
staniel - i walked through the flames
Rosie - 'Cos it's one of my aims
Marc - My footprints to set on Fleet Street
irach - A new president has been elected
Raak - His cabinet will soon be selected
Kim - And Hil'ry, no doubt It has been established in another place that non-smutty limerics rarely rhyme or scan properly
Juxtapose - Will not be left out -
Software - Thank goodness that Palin's rejected
Tuj - A wind of change blows from the East [i,R,K,J,S] Bravo! Most salient
irach - As bakers bake breads without yeast
Marc - Mamas noodles we cook
Software - Into sticky gook
penelope - That's the supper that we like the least
A shortage of eager lim'rickers
Raak - A surfeit of scansion nitpickers
blamelewis - Some grammar pedants
Marc - Repeating their chants:
Rosie - "Indefensible mouse-clickers."
Tuj - So what makes a humorous rhyme?
Software - And are limericks on the decline?
irach - Then again, clerihews
penelope - Have been making the news
Kim - For their value is rarely, if ever, revealed in the length of the ultimate line.
Rosie - While scoffing a large box of chocs
Software - I decided to take off my socks
irach - They smelled like old cheese
Phil - Which caused me to wheeze
Raak - And cough up a collection of rocks.
Software - Last night while I lay in my bed
Raak - I pondered the book I'd just read
Bigsmith - The hero, I'm sure,
irach - Was no epicure
Rosie - Subsisting on baked beans and bread.
blamelewis - My first is in bed and asleep Limeriddles, or something. Or not.
irach - My second is still counting sheep
Raak - My third's a surprise
Software - And my fourth does arise
penelope - And of the fifth, you won't hear a peep I think we were all stumped on that one. Moving along now...
Software - While I was putting the lights on my tree Xmas theme.
Raak - I felt a sharp pain in my knee
Rosie - Oh, my patella
irach - Get me codeine, young fella
Marc - And watch my low limb swinging free (below the knee that is...)
Marc - The fluff of my navel is gone
Software - Thanks to this invent-ion
irach - It sucks up the lint
penelope - Leaves the fragrance of mint
Rosie - A cosmetic sine qua non.
Simons Mith - When you've got to the top of your game
Raak - You should quit well before you're thought lame
Kim - For an ageing has-been
penelope - Should never be seen
irach - As a resplendent pantomine dame
Marc - At Christmas we eat and we drink
Raak - But sometimes I have a deep think
Rosie - My kids then say "Dad,
Kim - How much gin have you had?"
penelope - Was it Gordon's? Or p'raps was it pink?"
Juxtapose - It's almost two-thousand-and-nine
irach - The year of both roses and wine (hopefully)
Rosie - And juxtaposition
Marc - Though price of admission,
Software - Is more than its worth every time
Rosie - There was a young lad from Bordeaux
irach - Who crossed a Cabernet grape with a Gordo
Kim - The juice, when fermented, [irach] I'm reporting you to the Scansion Commission
Bigsmith - Made drinkers demented
Marc - And girls, though quite chaste, set aglow
irach - A scansion policeman named Bob
Darren - Was really quite keen on his job
Rosie - To such an extent
Marc - ('bout 200 percent)
Software - That a few syllables he would rob
penelope - Please don't put your trash in the bin
Raak - To throw anything out is a sin
irach - So recycle all waste
Software - All in good taste
Marc - And swallow this Scotch mixed with Gin
Rosie - The problem with being middle-class
Software - Is that it can be a pain in the arse
irach - The upper crust, though
Darren - Are smug 'cause they know
Kim - That where there is muck, there is brass
Simons Mith - But if you're as common as muck
Software - No silver spoon - no such luck
Chalky - Get your ar*e on TV
As a Cel-e-brit-ee
Rosie - And try not to use the word that is now in widespread use in the media, something I thoroughly disapprove of despite my frequent use of it in private conversation.
Software - Big Brother's a load of cheap tat Is this what you mean, Rosie?
Kim - The F-Word's no better than that Is Gordon Ramsay the chief culprit, Rosie?
Rosie - But fortunate-lee (Softers, Kim) Yeah, that sort of thing.
Phil - I don't watch TV
Marc - And that's why I am such a brat ...
Marc - When lines do not follow the rule
Some bullys cry out "What a fool!"
Rosie - "And as for your plurals" ....next line difficult....
Darren - "Worse than epidurals"
Software - But being a rebel is cool
Chalky - If you chant 'Rule Britannia' out loud
irach - Stiff upper lips will stand proud
Bigsmith - But! Say 'God Save the Queen',
Software - And you'll cause a scene
Simons Mith - – You'll have to leave under a cloud
Juxtapose - There's no roy-al-tee for us Yanks
Simons Mith - We make do with missiles and tanks
irach - We drive pickup trucks
Software - That we buy using bucks
Marc - And we spend all your oil saying: Thanks !
irach - In Texas they say "Howdee y'all"
Software - In Yorkshire "Ay-up"'s what they call
Rosie - But in SW3
Marc - They say naught - you trust me
Finish'er - They write Limerick lines - what a ball!
Rosie - There was a young fellow from Penge
Software - Who decided to take his revenge
Raak - On his great-aunt from Poole
Darren - With a long-handled tool
Marc - he twisted her nose with a wrench
Raak - The bishops of Penge and of Poole
Bigsmith - Were fond of the odd game of boules
Kim - But their cup ranneth over
Rosie - When a straw-chewing drover
irach - Showed them his family jewel ...hat and coat, please...
Marc (in the Alps) - Dear Fraulein my Glüwein is cold
irach - Bitte, will you mein Glüwein please hold
Homer - While I trinketh my beer
Software - Please nibble my ear
Pablo - And do anything else that is bold
Simons Mith -
As I stood on the top of K2
Raak - I thought "I did all this for you!"
irach - "I brave the fierce wind"
Rosie - "My career I've binned"
Bigsmith - "But it's worth it, just look at the view!"
Rosie - As I squelched through the mudflats of Kent
Software - I pondered the reason for Lent
irach - 'Tis to boost sales of fish
Darren - I mused, with a wish
penelope - From the Humber, the Thames and Solent mercy!
Darren - The hardest of crimes to detect [pen] What about the Trent?
penelope - [Darren] I'm foreign now, and don't know those things. Axshully, I forgot it.
Marc - Are those that’s performed so perfect
Software - But with Marple and Co
irach - And with Poirot in tow
penelope - It'd be im-poss-i-bull to confect
Simons Mith - The Severn, the Trent and the Dove
Rosie - Flow with the rains from above
Software - But in times of drought
Darren - They must do without
I Say, Porter! - And rowers must get out and shove
irach - When an Aberdeen lad went to Perth
Phil - He found out just what he was worth
Simons Mith - When he looked at the cheque
Marc - He thought: "What the heck,"
Rosie - "Give me haggis. To hell with my girth".
Simons Mith - When travelling to Aberdeen
Raak - I turned to look back where I'd been
Rosie - And ran off the road
Software - Upset my load
Marc - Of hand-woven pink gabardine
Marc - The Clan of MacLean-Cameron
Dujon - Was once a great power that's now gone
Simons Mith - All the blood that was spilt
Phil - Down the front of my kilt
Software - Leaves my dry-cleaner feeling forlorn
Rosie - I stood on the platform at Crewe
irach - As I wondered just what I would do
Raak - If my train was delayed
Software - Would that fact be displayed?
Bigsmith - And would there be time for the loo?
Simons Mith - When you surf on the roof of a train
Software - You need the bumps fell in your brain
Rosie - Don't touch the live wire (Softers) Wossat mean, den?
Darren - Or you might catch on fire I think he meant "felt on"
Marc - And with angels you'll sing the refrain
Simons Mith - If you surf on the roof of the tube
Raak - You should rub yourself over with lube
Marc - Keep a profile that’s low
Rosie - Pray you don't need the po
Darren - Or you might be seen as a n00b
Rosie - If you surf on the mighty ocean
irach - Dab on lots of sun-tanning lotion
Marc - Keep a profile that's high
Simons Mith - – Imitate Captain Bligh!
Software - Completely devoid of emotion
penelope - The chocolate chicken is here!
Rosie - Because it's that time of the year
irach - So I'll be a feaster
Phil - A cioccolatista,
Software - So I'll crush it to bits, never fear!
Juxtapose - The problem with watching ballet Limerick challenge: no "gay".
Simons Mith - As I once heard Nureyev say Easy, so far
irach - "Those padded dance belts
Darren - Do leave me with welts
Raak - In places I really can't say."
Simons Mith - I've chosen to learn how to box
irach - Replacing those gloves with two socks
Marc - Though the gloves on my feet ...kickboxing...?
Software - Do look very neat
penelope - They don't help when throwing out knocks
Marc - They're rubbing - my Crocodile shoes,
Software - It's jarring - my singing the blues
irach - My pain's the refrain
Darren - These shoes are my bane
Juxtapose - Their scales yield mine awful reviews
irach - My big toe is throbbing with gout
Raak - But I shan't take the easy way out
Simons Mith - Instead I shall hop
penelope - To the cutlery shop
Marc - Carve my shoe to a nice bulging-out
Marc - Poor Darling, I’ll buy you a pint
Anna - They're costly - the taxes are gi'ant
Software - I'll make it real ale of course
penelope - Cos you're looking so pale
Rosie - And all on expenses; please sign 't.
Marc - "My lines are so close to perfection," Well, not mine - yours!
Software - No-one can raise an objection
Rosie - The words, they just flow
Raak - Like the times when I "go"
Juxtapose - My stream never needs a correction apologies all around...
Darren - [Juxtapose] Why apologise? It's much cleaner than the line which popped into my head. (Which is why I didn't play it!)
Rosie - (Darren) Agreed. It's Raak who's the dirty bugger.
Rosie - There was a young lad from Belgrade trad.
irach - Who wished to get Tinker Bell laid
Software - His fairy-like dream
Chalky - Made Peter Pan scream
blamelewis - for it wasn't his croc he displayed.
Software - A pudding fell out of the sky
Raak - And before I could say, "Goodness! Why--"
irach - This "manna from heaven"
penelope - "Is four pounds forty seven!"
Marc - That is cheap for an airborne cow pie!
Juxtapose - A man from the planet of Mars
Rosie - Kept carbon dioxide in jars
irach - Its greenhouse effects
Raak - Encouraged safe sects
Simons Mith - So it's highly endorsed by the stars
irach - An image from telescope Hubble
Darren - Depicted a great cosmic bubble
Software - At the edge of known space
Raak - Which resembles the face
Rosie - Of old Patrick Moore, but with stubble.
Software - While sunning myself on the beach
Simons Mith - I noticed a very fine Peach
Raak - I stroked its soft skin
Simons Mith - [Raak] Her soft skin, I was hoping.
Rosie - Surely no sin
Chasty - Then licked off its sweet juicy leach ...
Marc - This beach once was filled with white sand
CdM - But things have not gone as we planned
Rosie - For, as you can see
Software - It's filled with debris
Sierra Mike - Teen beach parties should really be banned
Rosie - It says on the side of this tin
Software - BEWARE: there's traces of nuts within
irach - You could break out in hives
Marc - When the doctor arrives,
Darren - He'll throw the whole lot in the bin.
Juxtapose - I once met a maid from Regina Limerick challenge: clean
Rosie - Who cherished her old Morris Minor Will that do, Juxt?
irach - She kept it so clean
Darren - It dazzled the Queen
irach - Whose Bentleys are not any finer ... [Juxtapose] There...clean as a whistle...
Marc - True Lim'ricks are not to be clean,
penelope - It's tempting to show the obscene
Raak - They must also be witty     BTW, Radio 3 is currently having a competition to compose serious limericks. Maybe we could try one here?
Rosie - Coherent, not bitty
Software - And polished right up to a sheen
Raak - Not only by bread doth man live   Going for a serious limerick. Titter ye not!
irach - Not so much to receive as to give
Rosie - Which lifteth the soul
Software - For those on the dole
penelope - Or those with pockets like a sieve.Maybe I should apologise...
Rosie - There was a young man from Peru (pen) No, no, not at all. Pretty good for a Dutch speaker.
Knobbly - Who bought a bright pink cockatoo
Simons Mith - With very long legs
irach - That laid polka dot eggs
Marc - While waving the tail - oh so blue The parrots of course!
Software - There's thunder and lightning about
CdM - Don't panic. There's no need to shout.
Guido Fawkes - I heard you first time
irach - There's no reason or rhyme
Marc - It’s Thor who have just found his stout
Rosie - My uncle, who lives in Cleckheaton
irach - At snooker, has never been beaten
Darren - His all-out attack
Software - By using the black
Marc - And pot it with super cue treatin’
Marc - The balls that were hit with his cue
Rosie - Followed a path that was true All right, doesn't quite rhyme.
Juxtapose - His peerless precision it does in America, Rosie
Raak - Was met with derision
Mac - But from the crowd there came a very loud "BOO"!
Scansion Police - *Ahem*, I think, Mr Mac, we'll just draw a line under this one and call it a warning....
irach - My auntie, who lives in Llangollen
Marc - Complained over legs that were swollen
Software - Her acute phlebitis
Raak - Makes her dance like St. Vitus
CdM - O! How the mighty are follen No rhymes at all in that one :-)
Marc - In a nice little village in Kent
Software - The priest found his coffers were spent
Raak - So he held a church fête
irach - Where his needs were all met
Phil - By a choirboy behind the beer tent reveal
Rosie - The good folk of Dwygyfylchi
Rosie - While pond'ring the nature of time
Phil - I found myself covered in slime
Software - This temporal gunk
Marc - Was spread out but shrunk
Anna - So I choked but performed a great mime
CdM - Two words; the first rhymes with 'bee'
Marc - Said the flea with a brie on his knee
irach - The debris on the brie
Phil - Would be tea for the flea
Juxtapose - But gives heebee-jeebies to me
Kim - "But what is the word?", asked the flea
irach - To a bee that just wanted to be
Rosie - Just known for spelling
penelope - So he wasn't telling
Marc - The number of words, was it three?
Kim - "The first word", the flea announced brightly
Phil - "Is one that is used almost nightly."
Marc - Like 'barhop' or 'beer'
Software - And 'gay' but not 'queer'
Audience - Then the flea hopped away quite politely
Juxtapose - When swimming, remember this tip
irach - First give your big toe a quick dip
Rosie - And if the water is wet
Marc - And that it will be I bet
Software - Down to your trunks you can strip
Marc - Good morning, we sail with the tide
Software - As Captain, I can make you a bride
Rosie - So make one for me
Robin - Or perhaps two or three
penelope - And a groom, but please keep him aside
Rosie - Beware the man in the moon
Raak - He will gouge out your eyes with a spoon
irach - He'll feed you green cheese
Phil - Swap over your knees,
Software - Then he'll seal you in a cocoon
CdM - It is much like a cloud that I wander
Software - My time and my effort I squander
Tuj - But I do have one goal
Rosie - To bring joy to my soul
Marc - By watching the free wild blue yonder
Simons Mith - Those magnificent men who all fly
Software - Weird flying machines in the sky
Darren - Sometimes they go up
Marc - With a huge champagne cup
Rosie - "Bollocks to RyanAir", they cry.
Simons Mith - I've invented a falling machine!
irach - It's gravity driven and green
Marc - You just start it like this
Knobbly - If you blink you will miss N.B. unfinished sentence
Software - It's operation so swift and serene
Simons Mith - I'll admit that the landing is rough
irach - More so if you're landing on tuff
Marc - Then you'll bounce up again
Simons Mith - In consid'rable pain
Software - And out you will go with a snuff
Rosie - One day on the M25
irach - I was glad to have emerged alive
Marc - Though I killed 23
penelope - The parking was free
Sierra Mike - I really must learn how to drive.
Simons Mith - A tool every gardener needs
Software - Is one to eliminate weeds
Rosie - This novel invention
Juxtapose - will garner attention
Bigsmith - From Sturminster Newton to Leeds
Juxtapose - I once knew a young chiropractor
Marc - Who worked patients back with his tractor
Rosie - Although efficacious
Raak - His bills were mendacious
Software - With most patients sustaining a fracture
Simons Mith - If you're set on becoming a quack
Rosie - It helps to acquire the knack
irach - Of dispensing green pills
Marc - And then issue great bills
Software - Then slip out the door at the back
Rosie - The things that I keep in my shed
irach - Are not what I'd want in my bed
Juxtapose - The difference, you see,
Software - Is the rake next to me
Marc - That I swapped for the bitch that I wed
Marc - The reasons for not being here
Software - Is so abundantly clear
Rosie - My hard disc has crashed (Softers) Is = Are?
Raak - My graphics card's trashed
penelope - And my keyboard is covered in beer
Rosie - The reasons for being here are many (pen) Pimm's I would have believed.
Marc - To critizize speling and meter, any?
Software - But our true raison d'être
Raak - Of which we are les maîtres
irach - Is that we are all rather zany
Software - Let's drink to the flamboyant Floyd
irach - Who'll now fill the bow-tied chef void?
Marc - With a glass of champagne,
Chasty - You'll remove any pain,
Audience - And remember a man we enjoyed
Marc - One night at a bar in Bordeaux
Simons Mith - Through a rosy wine-induced glow
irach - i got very cozy
Raak - With M. Sarkozy
Juxtapose - And woke up in charge of Renault
irach - One day on the wharf in Mumbai
Simons Mith - I encountered a Latvian spy
Software - He was armed with a gun the last one was excellent, BTW
Phil - So I started to run
Marc - And got decked at the docks, then good-bye!
Software - The Irish have voted with "yes"
penelope - To convert all their taps to Guinness
Rosie - So, taking a bath
nights - Will be more of a laugh
irach - Than a matter of hygiene and finesse
Marc - The things that she did with her tongue
Juxtapose - To the snippet of Schubert she sung
Darren - Involved much saliva
Rosie - This pretty muff diver
penelope - Until the last note, which still stung [Rosie] I think you'll find it's spelled 'diva' ;o)
irach - The things that he does with his pole
Phil - Would even surprise Old King Cole
Software - 'Cos with it he'd fiddle
Raak - And play paradiddle
Kim - On anything sporting a hole
Juxtapose - The things he can do with his mind
Software - If acted would make him go blind
Marc - And he thinks he's a hero
Darren - Acts like Emperor Nero
Rosie - Who was not always very refined.
irach - A toothless old hag from Tbilisi
Rosie - Ran a chip shop whose products were greasy
Raak - Her beetroot (deep-fried)
Software - With borscht on the side
Darren - Was used as hair oil in Assisi
Juxtapose - My brother, who loves in Beirut,
Juxtapose - Encountered a typo (minute)
He actually "lives",
Buy - hey now - what gives?
The "Whoops" button didn't reboot.
with some chagrin, -Jux
Raak - My auntie, who lives in Tashkent
Marc - Has one curly leg slightly bent
irach - While my uncle in Venice
penelope - Is nowt but a menace
Darren - Who once was arrested in Ghent
Marc - "Dear Sir, don't believe all you hear,"
irach - The British do not love warm beer
Darren - Nor do they all dress
Phil - In the dark, nonetheless
Raak - It's well known that the men are all queer.
Juxtapose - My sister, who works in Beijing,
Software - Is confused 'cos it once was Peking
Raak - And my aunt in Firenze
irach - Is all in a frenzy
Marc - 'cause my uncle just left for Xiaoping
Phil - [Raak] Re: penultimate limerick. That was exactly the last line I had in mind, word for word.
Tuj - A pleasant young chap from Osaka
Marc - Once sailed over Lake Titicaca
Software - In the midst of this trip
Kim - Dislocated his hip
Juxtapose - And loudly exclaimed, "Anta baka?"
Raak - On a raft in the midst of the ocean [Phil] Great minds etc.
Kim - Having run out of chamomile lotion
Simons Mith - I tried using rum
irach - And some barnacle gum
Darren - Applied with a rotary motion
Rosie - A fearsome great beast, the gorilla
Marc - Attacking with sticks, like Attila
Software - But with its own kin
irach - It serves tonic , with gin
Juxtapose - Imported each day from Manila
Tuj - I stood all alone in the bunker
Marc - Above flew a bomb-carrying Junker
Software - As I took my sand-wedge
Pablo - My partner, that's Reg,
Darren - Imbibed and got steadily drunker
Tuj - I just met a man in the street
Rosie - Oi! you've just done that one in MCiOS With knobbly knees and large feet
irach - His clown shoes and nose
Raak - And his three-foot-long toes
Software - In the circus he'd go down a treat
Tuj - I just met a man in the street [Rosie] Hmm?
penelope - Extolling the virtues of wheat
Rosie - When asked as to why
Marc - He said: "I can't lie,"
Darren - "I love having corns on my feet"
Simons Mith - [Darren] Ooooow.

If you should encounter a chugger

irach - Be wary - he may be a bugger
Marc - And the smile on his face
Software - Hides a life of disgrace
Rosie - For he is Al Fayed, that fugger.
Raak - My spleen has a mind of its own
Simons Mith - My kidneys do nothing but moan
Marc - But my Heart is still beating
Rosie - My stomach repeating
irach - And the naughty part down there is blown (I'll get the coat and hat myself, thank you...)
Software - While scouring the world for perfection
Raak - I discovered this chocolate confection
Pablo - Which does contain nuts
Marc - cocain and cold cuts
irach - Now I'm two inches stouter midsection
Rosie - The world is imperfect, alas
irach - Ecosystems are fragile, like glass
Simons Mith - [irach] Elegant end to the last one. Well done; have an e-biscuit :-)

With one final jolt

Marc - The earth will revolt
Software - And kick us all in the ass as our American friends would say.
Juxtapose - Americans? Vulgar? Not so!
Rosie - Nor Britons all snobs, don'cha know
Marc - Though the rest of the lot, (Well, not me of course!)
Raak - Live in countries too hot
Software - Or places all covered in snow
irach - In Boston they dumped some fine tea
Phil - In December, Seventeen-Sev'nty-Three
Juxtapose - Out into the bay
penelope - Without a tea tray
Software - It tasted just like weak gnat's pee
Rosie - My hairdresser chatters away (Softers) The strong stuff is OK. Tangy.
irach - About how he's overtly gay
Software - He's into high camp
Marc - His wig curled - like a vamp
Pablo - And he thinks he's the Queen of the May
Tuj - If it weren't for the mould on the ceiling
Marc - I would not have this strange, awkward feeling
Rosie - That I am about
CdM - To be left without
Raak - Anywhere that is not damp and peeling.
Software - Each weekend I pursue my hobby
Marc - And please, do not think I am snobby
Raak - I ride with the hunt
irach - Ride a fine Oxford punt
Chalky - I'm a toff - and I'm also quite gobby
Tuj - The dribble that runs down my chin
irach - Gives clues to the state I am in
Simons Mith - If frothy it means

(See comments for a line 4 and 5 that jumped out on me)

Marc - I've had lunch - Ham and beans [S M] Keep on jumping!
Rosie - And if not, then I've been at the gin.
Juxtapose - I once knew a man from Macau
Marc - So yellow - but man - could he bow
irach - But his pale jaundiced skin
Software - And his body so thin
penelope - Meant he died - so no bowing for now
Marc - Now it's time to prepare for the end !
Raak - All the portents and signs that way tend!
Software - Armageddon is nigh
penelope - So the soothsayers sigh
Rosie - You've been posted, alas, to Southend.
irach - The incredible edible egg!
Pablo - Gives a lift, gives a hand, gives a leg,
Simons Mith - Does not give a shit
Marc - If Beluga - it's a hit!
Anna - And it fits in so well with my keg! (beer-keg that is!)
Pablo - I'm obliged to point out it's a fact
irach - That dogs who sniff crotches lack tact
Software - But one's pheromones
Rosie - (The pong of your stones)
Marc - Won't stop them - they're caught in the act.
Marc - There once was a stone that was wet
Software - In Workington that I would bet Not funny for the residents, I do pity them
Pablo - It stood all alone
Simons Mith - In a No Parking zone
penelope - And no-one has dried it off yet
Phil - I tried to install a new light
Raak - To make my front porch much more bright
Software - But the fuse I did blow
Rosie - So the light didn't glow
Marc - Will I live through this dark, dark, dark night?
Marc - I've survived, I'm awake, I'm alive,
Software - Thanks to my sparky mate Clive
Phil - I owe him a fiver
Pablo - As he was the driver
Anna - Who drove through the farmers beehive.
Pablo - Impossible as it may sound
Raak - I'm floating three feet off the ground
Juxtapose - My odd levitation
CdM - Defies explanation
Marc - (A bean-propelled jetpack I've found!)
Rosie - So let's praise the virtues of flatus Jokes about old farts will be treated with caustic soda.
Marc - At least let us make a conatus
Pablo - Strike an ode to one's gas
Software - Which will come to pass
Chalky - All hail to that which doth deflate us
Juxtapose - "The problem," she said, "with your face,
Rosie - Is your nose is in the wrong place."
penelope - And your eyes, either side
Marc - Look like eggs - lost and fried
Software - Like Camilla a quite hopeless case
Chalky - On Tuesday the thirteenth of May
Software - French workers entered the fray
Marc - No one knows if they've left
Anna - Though all "frogs" are bereft
Pablo - Is it over? "Mon Dieu, je ne sais!"
Rosie - In nineteen hundred and thirty
CdM - Dvorak suggested that QWERTY usa
Software - Would make a fine song
Marc - For keyboard and a gong
penelope - But Fats Domino's fingers were dirty
Juxtapose - In two thousand seventy-one
Rosie - A monkey will edit The Sun
Marc - We will live in the sea
irach - With our own Mini-Me
Chalky - Thus my work on this earth will be done - mwaah-ha-ha-hah
CdM - In March of 2010
Raak - I shall leap from the top of Big Ben
Simons Mith - In April I'll land
Chalky - In the wild Rio Grande
penelope - And ride off in the sunset with Sven So that's something to look forward to...
Pablo - A new cure is out for the flu
irach - It's soup made with barnacle glue
Software - Applied with a spoon
Juxtapose - Beneath a full moon
Phil - Washed down with a glass of Fitou
Pablo - I'm climbing the property ladder
Software - Tho' the market's never been madder
Raak - This two-up-two-down
Rosie - In the best part of town
Marc - With three toilets to empty my bladder
Marc - "Are you sure that you don't want to play?"
Juxtapose - He asked as I held my toupee
Software - "Just keep your hair on"
Rosie - "Cos your head is a square 'un"
Pablo - "So I'll stick your wig on with this spray"
Rosie - While stuck in a snowdrift at Shap Road or rail.
Software - I was in need of a pony and trap Invoking Sound of Bow Bells option
Chalky - But arriving instead
Marc - Was a man dressed in red -obligatory-
Anna - Who said: "Ho, ho!" and gave me a slap.
Juxtapose - The reason for Boxing Day's name
Rosie - Is act-tew-a-lee rather tame
Marc - The story is this
irach - It was Joe Frazier's diss
Anna - Who boxed blind against Clay - what a shame!
The correct reason is that our mailboxes get overfilled with christmas-spam...!
Rosie - My need for posh choccies is sated
Chalky - To Messrs Thorn-tons I'm related
Pablo - It's the ones filled with cream
irach - About which I dream
penelope - Which make me so fat, I'm inflated.
Juxtapose - Ten nine eight seven six five
Marc - Four three two, soon the New Year will Jive
Pablo - There'll be drunkards galore
Software - And sick on the floor
Raak - But we've made it, one more year alive!
Rosie - So let's praise the Tolpuddle Martyrs
Raak - Transported for wearing lace garters
Software - For being in drag
Chalky - Whilst waving a flag
Pablo - And all that was only for starters!
Chalky - A scandal has just been exposed!
irach - Sleeping Beauty ne'er slept, she just dozed
Software - And the Prince he was gay
Marc - And his lover, José,
Rosie - Was bisexual, when so disposed.
Marc - Are you sure that this road lead to Rome?
Sierra Mike - The signpost says "IV leagues to Nome"
Rosie - But that's a diversion
Software - By the Vandal's incursion
Pablo - Oh sod it, I think I'll go home
Raak - The French tailors Toulon and Toulouse
irach - Stitched the Pimpernel's long coat too loose
Pablo - The outcome was this -
Marc - (and was sealed with a kiss)
Marc #2 - That he fell for mamsell de la'Cruise
Pablo - I've got an idea for a game
Software - That's why I'm glad we all came
Marc - To this fine-tuned decision
Chalky - Let's add circumcision
Rosie - We laugh, we play, we maim.
irach - I think we should just stick to Scrabble
Chalky - Such joy when with words one can dabble
Rosie - Deploy your best tiles
Marc - Stack your points in high piles
Software - Keep quiet, we don't want your babble
Chalky - The thing about Trivial Pursuit
Marc - Is that friends (who were friends!) will dispute
Software - As the questions reveal
Pablo - What the players might feel
Anna - And knowledge reluctantly salute
Rosie - My hard drive it needs a defrag
Software - Loading programs is becoming a drag
Marc - And it's not "drag and drop"
Pablo - It's all over the shop-
Sierra Mike - I'd go on, but you'd think I just brag. The only other rhyme I could think of was "Morag".
Software - SM - what about "slag"?
Software - I think I've got texter's thumb
Audience - http://www.rhymezone.com/r/rhyme.cgi?Word=drag&typeofrhyme=perfect&org1=syl&org2=l
Software - I think I've got texter's thumb
irafh - It's turned purply-blue and is numb
Rosie - So the message I send
Juxtapose - Will probably end
Pablo - Up a right load of bollocks, old chum.
Tuj - If you notice my shiny attire [S,i,R,J,P] excellent!
Marc - That is made of brand new barbed wire
Software - Then your eye is quite sharp
Juxtapose - So thanks, Twyla Tharp,
Raak - For a dress that's my fondest desire.
Marc - There are days and besides there are Mondays
Software - Which rarely we find are the fun days
Pablo - They can sure get one down
irach - From dawn till sundown
Anna - Or a week - 'cause today it is Tuesday.
Simons Mith - By Jove, what a beautiful van!
Rosie - At the wheel I can see Princess Anne
penelope - She's towing a trailer
Marc - On the way to her tailor
Raak - While her horn toots a regal pavane.
Rosie - While waiting for lights to turn green
Raak - I polished my horn to a sheen
Software - But the burnishing friction
penelope - At the traffic restriction
Marc - Turned everything red - ain't that mean?...mercy...?
Marc - There once was a game in Vancouver?
Phil - At which I was a shaker and mover
Rosie - I moved and I shook
Software - People gave me that look
Chalky - But I carried on using my Hoover [Marc] Why the question mark? Just curious
Marc - [Chalky] They said there was an Olympic Winter Game going on but I was not sure that anyone noticed (though all TV-channels all over the globe had almost nothing else to show ;-)
Marc - In the steep slopes of Aspen she fell,
Anna - For a ski-bum who skied oh so well
irach - As she gazed at his pole
Chalky - An unmarked snow patrol - [Marc] Ah I see. Well I watched loads of it. v enjoyable :)
Pablo - said "Go for it, love - what the hell?"
Software - While planning a raucous weekend
Rosie - With my mate, his wife and her friend
irach - We thought that the bed
Juxtapose - Would make a fine sled
Simons Mith - And wouldn't be this hard to mend
Rosie - There was a young fellow called Eric
Raak - Who climbed to the top of a derrick
Marc - Then he climbed down again
Software - Because of the rain
irach - Getting wet made him really hysteric
Software - It's Friday, let's go to the pub
Simons Mith - For a beer and a B.L.T. sub
penelope - A packet of nuts
irach - And chicks with great butts
Marc - In the crowd we may get a good rub?
penelope - [irach and Marc] eh? It's not a discussion I really want to get into, but the lines that you two just wrote are either crap or very offensive. Or both.
Marc - [pen]If you don't want to discuss a matter, why on earth do you post your remark? Hopefully we did not offend you, at least my line was not directed against anyone in particular. Our lines are well in line with the normal standard of the limericks at this and adjacent sites whether you like them or not.
Marc - There once was a man who got lost
penelope - [Marc] I wish to register my displeasure, that's why. And yes you did offend me, and your lines were below the standard I have come to expect - they don't make sense without the filthiest of interpretation, they don't scan, and they're laboured.
Rosie - As on the night train he had dossed (Marc) pen is right - it wasn't one of your better ones.
Raak - He woke up at Lands End
Juxtapose - Which was sure to offend,
irach - And so out of the train he was tossed
Chasty - There once was a girl with a butt
So fancy and with a great cut
Its streamlined perfection
Could cause hard erection
For those who had more than one nut!
[Rosie]This one is just for you because you always defend us lonely little girls like the brave White Knight of mc5!
Rosie - I stare at the moon - it stares back (Chasty) I'm flattered. Have you got her email address? :-)
Software - As I'm out in the park in my mac
Pablo - And alone in the dark
irach - Sans my girlfriend from Sark
Raak - So I'm hoping to score some good crack.
Marc - A line that may satisfy all
Raak - Runs from far Samarkand to Kirkstall
Pablo - And if you take the trains
Juxtapose - Nobody complains
Monica - Once you've covered your arse with a shawl.
Monica - Sensibilities are easily shaken
Beck - Like when offering the Rabbi some bacon
Rosie - Or when having to put up with this rhythmically inappropriate heap of steaming ordure. Free-form limericks, anyone?
Marc - [Monica and Beck] Please don't worry, Headmaster Rosie may sound a bit peevish now and then. What is meant is probably that you should try to follow the established Limerick rules that you may find here: http://poetry-please.tripod.com/id5.html
For instance:
Your senses are easily shaken
When offering the Rabbi some bacon
Marc - Or step someones toes
Juxtapose - With lines you compose
Software - For the Mick is easily taken
Raak - My mellifluous contra-bassoon
Software - Is best played up on the moon
Rosie - Where the absence of air
monica - [Rosie] - not getting much sex? I understood this was a recreational activity you sad repressed mare.
Raak - [monica (any relation to Monica?)] Like all recreational activities, limericks and sex are both better when done right.
Marc - Prevent blowjobs beware ;-)
Chalky - And ends not a moment too soon
Chalky - When mixing hot air and stale gas
irach - It is all about volume not mass Yankee pronunciation invoked...
Rosie - So just wave your fan (irach) Same as Britpron. Even Ian Paisley says mass.
Software - And follow the plan
Juxtapose - Outlined in your chemistry class
Software - On Mondays its back to the job
Marc - We’ll struggle to make a few bob
Rosie - So play wi' t'computer
Kim - and search for a suita-
Raak - -ble way to escape the dull mob. [Kim] Well played.
Rosie - There was a young fellow whose ears (Kim, Raak) V good.
Software - Would attract derision and jeers
irach - Yet Camilla, his wife
Marc - Cut them off with her knife (Oh no, not Camilla??)
Chalky - And now they're hereditary peers
Software - While planning a trip from Heathrow [Chalks] Bravo!
Rosie - I thought "Tube". Give it a go
Juxtapose - But a dim adolescent
Chalky - Set light to the Crescent -- WE know what that means ..
FGZstar - And now the whole place gonna blow!
irach - In Cairo the alleys are narrrow
Rosie - Down which the marchers from Jarrow
Raak - Filed one at a time
Software - Off-course for the Tyne
Chalky - It's a far cry from fish and stuffed marrow
Rosie - According to George Bernard Shaw
Marc - the content of Newton's first law
Raak - Was known to the Greeks
Juxtapose - To need a few tweaks
Software - Or it stayed where it was, on the floor.
Marc - All sailors get wet when they sail
Chalky - Most whalers will wail when they whale
penelope - But anglers who angle
Rosie - And their maggots they dangle
Software - Will spin to us all a tall tale
Raak - A seller of second-hand wigs
Rosie - Had his stock nicked by one Ronnie Biggs
Software - This infamous blagger
Marc - An outrageous swagger
Simons Mith - Swapped the lot for a handful of figs
irach - A gourmand who loves parboiled quince
Blob - Presented his tart to the Prince
Raak - The Prince found her willing
Rosie - For the price of one shilling
Chasty - To sit on his face ever since (shame on you guys!)
Juxtapose - A nun who was chaste and devout
Rosie - Thought one day she'd find out
Marc - That her promise to God
Anna - Was remarkably odd
Software - So she decided to put it about
Marc - There once was a redheaded blonde
irach - Who dyed froggies pink in a pond
Juxtapose - She claimed that this hue
Software - Would improve their virtue
Rosie - But they still burped and crapped - she'd been conned.
Marc - If we live ‘til we die we get old
Software - Unless we live backwards, I'm told
Kim - The path of time's arrow
Raak - Is both straight and narrow
Juxtapose - So how long 'til I get paroled?
Phil - I've not passed this way for a while
irach - And my path is now blocked by a stile
Raak - But my Right Of Way
Software - Will ensure that I may
Marc - Walk along any road with a smile
irach - I play a dead parrot in skits
Marc - And try imitate how it sits
Rosie - The nails in my feet
Juxtapose - Will help to complete
Pablo - the impression it's all done by twits
Software - A young lady from Burton-on-Trent
irach - Had a figure that seemed heaven-sent
Juxtapose - But closer inspection
Raak - Revealed imperfection
Rosie - By then, though, I'd come and she'd spent.
Marc - The dreams that she wove in her loom
irach - Were threads of both despair and gloom
Raak - But a streak of pure gold
Software - Her future foretold
Juxtapose - Once she'd promised the first from her womb
KagomeShuko - The tiger had vertical stripes
Giertrud - So he bought some nice baby wipes
Software - After a scrub and a rub
Rosie - Applied to her cub
Marc - The stripes turned to spots of three types
Marc - It's never too late to give up
irach - Trying to housebreak your pup
Rosie - So don't let it sit
Pablo - and just widdle and spit
Software - But the Brummies would say you were tup
KagomeShuko - The morning of Mr. Magellan
Software - Was spent with Roddy Llewellyn
Rosie - And this disparate pair
Uncle Korky - Hunted Lionel Blair
irach - To what end I am leery of tellin'
KagomeShuko - Driving in ovals is daring
irach - To go topless on beaches is baring
Raak - But diving with sharks
FGZstar - When completely starks
Marc - Will wake people up, keep'em staring.
Marc - Whatever you like is a sin
Software - From sex to a bottle of gin
Raak - But a nice cup of tea
irach - Spiked with pure THC (tetrahydocannabinol, that is...)
Rosie - Makes Hamish and Dougal just grin.
Software - All's good in true moderation
irach - Excess may cause botheration
KagomeShuko - But a bit here and there
Marc - And a pint everywhere
FGZstar - May help to prevent constipation
Pablo - There's little that's new anymore
Software - We've seen all this stuff once before
Raak - The Cycle of Being
Sierra Mike - Can have one agreeing
Juxtapose - That reincarnation's a bore.
Sierra Mike - There's a man who lives right on our street Well done on that last one, everyone.
irach - Who is said to possess two left feet
Rosie - His dual sinisterity
Raak - And absent dexterity
Pablo - is a hoot when his two left knees meet
Rosie - My efforts to drain the Black Sea
KagomeShuko - Were quite abysmal, you see.
Giertrud - From Romania's edge
Software - I started to dredge
irach - But global warming now does it for free
Software - Today at a quarter to three
Raak - I'll have honey for afternoon tea
Sierra Mike - And then - should I risk it?
Rosie - A raw egg; just whisk it Yuk.
Chasty - Then ask her to lap-dance with me
Raak - I stare out the window all day
Software - I just want to go out to play
Sierra Mike - My red vuvuzela
Marc - For Nelson Mandela
Rosie - 'Cos he's no musician, they say.
KagomeShuko - My cursor has turned big and white
Raak - And the rest of the screen's black as night
Sierra Mike - The CD-ROM's beeping
Rosie - The CPU's sleeping reveal
Marc - Just Windows – no reason for fright.
Software - While watching the Test on the telly
Rosie - Which Waitrose now have near the deli
KagomeShuko - I dream of steak tartar
Giertrud - And electric guitar
Marc - To hide my big muscular belly.
Phil - The prodigal son has returned!
Raak - Let the fat calf be spitted and turned!
Rosie - And when it is done
Software - We'll serve on a bun
Sierra Mike - That's been toasted 'til brown but not burned
KagomeShuko - I've no time for chitter chatter
Giertrud - I have some paint balls to splatter
Knobbly - You'd best run and hide
Rosie - And seek scansion guide
Raak - Lest the ref call you off for a natter.
Sierra Mike - In Moscow the smog is disgusting
Marc - And Curtain of Iron is rusting
KagomeShuko - Acid rain is a problem
Rosie - So, factories? Just nobble 'em
irach - And give that domed Kremlin a dusting
Sierra Mike - 'Tis said by the ones "in the know"
Marc - That in April the rain comes as snow
irach - In May, sleet is hail
Software - In June rain and gale
Rosie - Which only adds to our woe.
Software - While sunning myself on the beach a change in the weather
Sierra Mike - Tony Blair began giving a speech
Raak - With my head in the sand
Marc - (I could not take a stand)
Rosie - Shut him up, please, I beseech.
Marc - On my way to the dentist I saw
Software - Something I'd not seen before
irach - Pus oozed from loose molars
KagomeShuko - And it ran onto the floor!
KagomeShuko - oops, got it mixed up!
KagomeShuko - Onto babies in strollers This is the correct one to use.
Simons Mith - And then it ran on to the floor! [Perfectly good last line too, I'd say.]
The talented Dr McCoy
Sierra Mike - Had a bugle. T'was his pride and joy
KagomeShuko - He'd play it all day
Giertrud - While he sat in the hay
irach - With Sulu, his winsome toy boy
KagomeShuko - In winter, the sky seems to snow
Giertrud - The flakes flurry as the wind blows!
Rosie - The will to live withers
Sierra Mike - The temptation to post: "BANG!<hr>" is overpowering :o)
Sierra Mike - The weatherman blithers
Marc - And we sip our hot red bordeaux ...
Sierra Mike - With Dickens, Mulled Ale was the thing or was it Mulled Wine?
irach - He preferred it to champagne or bling
Software - But of course, there's a Twist
Rosie - And with Oliver pissed oblig.
KagomeShuko - Gruel was bought with the last farthing.
Sierra Mike - I heard the characteristic sound of a synchromesh eating itself on that last line. Perhaps it's just me though.
Today I met old Mr. Scrooge
Simons Mith - Wearing eyeliner, perfume and rouge
Rosie - With his arm around Cratchit (Sierra M) It ain't just you unless it's just the pair of us.
irach - Whose own make-up did match it
KagomeShuko - I felt like I needed refuge!
Simons Mith - Oh, let's sing an ode to the tench
irach - Of its wonderful barbels and stench
Software - But this tasty fish
Sierra Mike - If asked, has one wish:
KagomeShuko - Would be, "throw me back in the trench!"
Sierra Mike - Would be: "Oh, throw me back in the trench" seems to fit more snugly to me. Are my ears on the blink?
Sierra Mike - And now let the Cod stir our muse
Simons Mith - With a chorus of Bass singing blues
KagomeShuko - Add in a cow
Software - A bird on a bough
Phil - And a sheep makes it "Tweets, Bleats and Moos". - [Rosie/SM] Nope, it's not just you, unless it's just the three of us
Sierra Mike - Now let's chant on the worth of an eel Well done everyone on that last one
penelope - Just one pound a pound - it's a steal
Raak - In a sour jelly sauce
Software - And mash, but of course
Marc - We must top with stewed eyeballs of Seal!
irach - As I swallowed an octopus whole
Simon Mith - I pondered the state of my soul
Software - As its tentacles gripped
Marc - Round my spline it just slipped
Sierra Mike - T'was a bit of a sushi "own goal"
Rosie - I talk to the trees - no reply
Sierra Mike - They say not a word - must be shy
Software - I'll summon Prince Charles
Knobbly - To bring organic farls
Tuj - And other such green stimuli. [Marc, 2 up] Alarming capitalisation, no?
Software - Deep in the Forest of Dean [Tuj] maybe he meant the singer
Raak - There lives a cantank'rous old Queen
irach - He dresses in drag
Spangle - When he goes for a fag
Giertrud - The Yank kind, if you know what I mean!
KagomeShuko - How do you get text small? A hard break is needed here.
KagomeShuko - Up in the clouds, lives a moose
Giertrud - He's mauve, with a trace of chartreuse.
Simons Mith - He looks kindly down [Kage] The simplest incantation to make small text is to put <small> and </small> around the text you want to disembiggen. Tuj, Software and I have gone a step or two beyond the basics, however.
Whootz - With nary a frown
Giertrud - As he sips on jicama juice.
Marc - A good limerick follows some rules, My line is not a perfect example though. Good hints may be found here: http://freespace.virgin.net/merrick.sheldon/limerickrules.htm
penelope - Oft ignored by colonial fools
Phil - In time they may learn
Spangle - That when it's their 'turn'
Giertrud - The limerick monster then drools
KagomeShuko - We've had too many big spats
Tuj - And garishly styleless hats [Softers] My point exactly.
Giertrud - With big plume-like feathers
Software - And bunches of heathers awful scansion
irach - Festooned with twenty live rats
Sierra Mike - Prime the carb! Good! Now, pull on the string! Lawnmowing. Sigh.
Marc - Gosh - it started - I can hear it sing!
Raak - Its great throbbing roar
Rosie - Shakes window and door (Softers) Not all God's children got rhythm, it seems.
Software - And birds take quickly to wing
irach - In a lake where thick mists do abound
Raak - The kelpie can often be found
Sierra Mike - This aquatic equine
Software - So hard to define
Phil - Eats children, once they have been drowned
Spangle - In the vale of the shadow of death OK to continue geographic theme?
irach - Lived a gnome who was strung out on meth
Sierra Mike - This short-arsed stoned tweaker
Software - Drank grog from a beaker
Rosie - And could stop a big bus with his breath. (Spangle) Very much so, Gary. We do themes quite often.
Sierra Mike - A dwarf, in the Forest of Arden Geog. and Mythic themes cont'd
irach - Tends an insectivorous plant garden
Marc - Though one day after lunch
KagomeShuko - He had a hunch
Dude - He was gone in one munch Sorry KS, we need more syllables!
In a triffid that grew in his garden.
penelope - The Humber, the Ouse and the Trent
Phil - Each one gave up flowing in Lent
Software - With riverbeds dry
Rosie - And craft all awry
Sierra Mike - Wondrin' where all the water had went
Sierra Mike - As we stood on our boat, high and dry Continuing this riparian theme
Raak - We thought the world's end must be nigh
Rosie - Then down came the rain
irach - Our ark floats again!
Spangle - Send the wind - for our boat might just fly!
Linesman -
Marc - There once was a lady named Jude, A classic one for a change?
irach - Whose language was vulgar and rude
Sierra Mike - This foul-mouthed young hussy Oh dear
Software - Was clearly not fussy
Rosie - About where she verbally pooed. It's Jannit Stwee' Paw'aah!
Sierra Mike - While poling one day in a punt
irach - A loud hussy called me a runt
Software - So I shouted right back
Rosie - "It's class, dear, you lack"
Raak - Then I poled her backside with a dunt.
Kim - While rowing one day down the Dee
irach - I stopped in Llangollen for tea
Rosie - And when I was sated
Sierra Mike - My watch indicated
Marc - The time was a quarter to three
Sierra Mike - This paint has gone hard in the tin!
Rosie - It now has that rhino-like skin (irach) My Dad went to school in Llangollen, where he learnt English.
irach - Yet its shocking pink hue (Rosie)I had come from the US to work on a biotechnology project in Wrecsam and had visited nearby Llangollen four years ago. Lovely place.
Software - Stops me feeling blue
Giertrud - And makes me break out in a grin.
KagomeShuko - There never was a marshmallow
Sierra Mike - Made from taconite, asphalt and tallow
Rosie - But the latest from Lidl (irach) Yes, nice place. But can you pronounce it? You could be forgiven if you can't. "Wrecsam" is a fairly recent Welshification of the original English name. A bit clumsy, seeing that it doesn't obey the rules of Welsh pronunciation if pronounced as "Wrexham" but a change from the usual traffic in the opposite direction (eg Cardiff, Pembroke, Lampeter, Brecon, Barmouth).
Software - Is quite a riddle
Gietrud - Though the flavor, it is a bit shallow.
Giertrud - Oops, line needed!
KagomeShuko - My mother thinks I need a shave
Software - Crappy scansion:

KagomeShuko - My mum thinks I need a shave
Software - So I'll just have to be brave

I Say, Porter! - [Softers] Worse. What exactly was wrong with the original? It has the same beat pattern as others on this page.
KagomeShuko - My mother thinks I need a shave
Software - And so I'll just have to be brave
I Say, Porter! - My new cut-throat razor
Marc - Propelled by green-laser
Phil - Was bought off a cockney called Dave
Sierra Mike - One day while out drinking Real Ale
Simons Mith - I heard a most agonised wail
Raak - It went "Ralph!" and then "Huey!"
Software - It looked like chop-suey
Rosie - It happens each time without fail.
Sierra Mike - "This paté is off!" I exclaimed
irach - "That darned novice chef must be blamed!"
Giertrud - Is what we contrive
Juxtapose - When PETA's petition's defamed
KagomeShuko - A beetle, a slug, and a squirrel
Software - Named Bernie, David and Cyril struggling for a rhyme
Spangle - Left Liverpool's shore
Sierra Mike - For they'd come to deplore
Phil - Their mis'rable lives on the Wirral nice work, Spangle!
KagomeShuko - American Football's more like "hand-egg"
Spangle - Thanks Phil. But sorry KagomeS - you are making it very difficult for others to play nicely, as they say.
Marc - [Sprangle] In my humble opinion it is not better, nor worse, than the average standard these days...
KagomeShuko - American Football's more like "hand-egg"
Marc - And USA pints are more a beer-keg
Raak - This isn't a limerick
Dick - So we rhyme with a little dick
And light the fuse to the powder-keg ***BoooooM***

Raak - There was an old man of East Cheam
irach - Who was known to be "broad in the beam"
Simons Mith - His magnificent rump
Phil - Was both rounded and plump
Giertrud - And out of his bunghole came steam.
KagomeShuko - My mother snores like a pig
Raak - [KS] Don't you mean your grandmother?
Marc - And besides she is awfully big (assuming grandmother for several reasons ;-)
Software - Asleep on her back
Projoy - All her muscles go slack
Sierra Mike - And off slip her rings, teeth and wig.
Sierra Mike - To prevent vi'lent earthquakes one must
irach - Roll in a pile of gold dust
Marc - And then drill a deep hole
Spangle - Eat ragoût of vole
Uncle Korky - And watch 'Monte Carlo Or Bust'.
Projoy - The fear of a bursting balloon
penelope - Has fettered this worthy Walloon Walloon: n. One of a French-speaking people of Celtic descent inhabiting southern and southeast Belgium and adjacent regions of France.
Sierra Mike - For a bang in Bastogne
ImNotJohn - Makes him flee to Boulogne
irach - And wet his brand new pantaloon
Sierra Mike - In the theatre I'll make a new life!
Software - Away from the trouble and strife
Projoy - As the curtain ascends
Simons Mith - I have four hundred friends
Marc - At the end they threw apples and knifes!
Marc - "This weekend the office is closed,"
Simons Mith - "We're having the furniture hosed"
Software - "All the coffee and crumbs"
Spangle - are all quoted by Mums
When they're feeling unkindly disposed

So shoot me :^)
Sierra Mike - No problem! Marc, pass me my gun Well you asked for it Spangle
Raak - Multiposters shall die, every one! (Actually, we usually let them off with a keelhauling these days.)
irach - But first we'll keelhaul 'em
Phil - Then let rottweilers maul 'em Can't believe the assembled peoples did not object vociferously to Marc's utterly atrocious "knifes".
Marc - Then chop off their heads just for fun! (Sorry folks, I saw a lot of rotten apples and knives in the air that night… ;-)
Marc - Long ago when all maidens were chaste,
Projoy - And their stays were laced tight at the waist
Software - Men used to try
Chasty - All brave men used to try (adding a few syllables...)
With a grip ‘round their thigh
If their legs were sufficiently spaced

Spangle - He shrugged off their words with distain
Software - Accompanied by this refrain:
Marc - "Sticks and stones - hurt my bones,"
Spangle - Do people get some perverse pleasure out of spoiling this game for others? C'mon man - you've been playing here long enough :^)
ImNotJohn - Let's see what can be done with this
"Your sticks and stones
May hurt my bones"
But, you see, I'm in love with such pain

Sierra Mike - He shrugged off their words with distain
Accompanied by this refrain:
"Sticks and stones - hurt my bones,
As do hurled traffic cones
But, you see, I'm in love with such pain"

 ?

Phil - [SM] Well done - I didn't see anything wrong with Marc's line either, which uses a correct anapaestic rhythm. I would like to object to no-one picking up on the incorrect spelling of "disdain" though.
Sierra Mike - [Phil] I overlooked nasty "distain"
There's a problem it seems with my brain
It seems to be telling
Me to ignore spelling
When used in a hum'rous refrain

Sorry for horrible scansion.

Dude - He shrugged off their words with disdain
Accompanied by this refrain:
"Sticks and stones - hurt my bones,
Not to mention cellphones,
That keeps filling my ears with deep pain!”
(enough of this then...)
ImNotJohn - [Phil] Interesting - until you said it, I couldn't hear Marc's line in a way that made it correct. The influence of the rhythm of the original 'Sticks and stones' chant just got in the way, I suppose.
Back to the game - A young lady from old London town
irach - Wore to Ascot a transparent gown
Kim - The resulting mêlée
Phil - Caused by said negligée
Sierra Mike - Turned the once verdant lawn dirty brown
Sierra Mike - This young woman's gauzy attire The theme is worth developing a little more
Darren - Was based on a thin frame of wire
Software - It was easily bent
penelope - To convert to a tent
Raak - With a leftover piece for a spire.
Marc - Friday night and the eggnogs are free (Well done all, free eggnogs to everybody including Sprangle!)
Sierra Mike - The young ladies are drunk as can be
Phil - Alas, so am I
KagomeShuko - And I want pumpkin pie
Giertrud - But none of these babes bake, you see?
Spangle - The cult of the hero is flawed (Cheers Marc - jolly generous under the circs :^)
irach - Lesser mortals are easily awed
Raak - With gold head and clay feet
penelope - They're not quite the elite
Software - They should all be put to the sword
Raak - A deep-fried pork pie's just the thing
irach - To make arteries lose their zing
Phil - Though the taste is insipid
Rosie - Being quite high in lipid
Marc - It will clog our veins with a wring...
Sierra Mike - There's a show on the old BBC
Marc - ‘bout a sex-selling young frenchisee (sic)
Software - Dr Who's Billie Piper
Raak - Is scared by a viper
Phil - Are you sure it's not ITV3?
Simons Mith - I've got an idea for a show:
Software - Called 'How Does Your Garden Grow?'
irach - Its hostess' name's Mary
Rosie - She's big, blond and scary
Spangle - When brandishing dibber and hoe
penelope - I've got an idea for a shoe
irach - That involves pink feathers and glue
Simons Mith - It's most orthopaedic
Spangle - If somewhat comedic
Marc - 'cause the size that I need is 'canoe'...
penelope - Now that was really nice. Shall I start another?
Rosie - I've got an idea for a jacket Allow me, m'dear.
irach - It's got bling and will cost me a packet
Raak - Its ermine-trimmed ruff
Spangle - Doubles up as a muff
Software - So I'll call it my < Cockney Rhyming Slang > Desmond Hackett </Cockney Rhyming Slang >
penelope - [Softers] I think your Desmond Hackett also needs to be old.
My trousers are have broken the mould
irach - They're pink satin and sequined in gold
Sierra Mike - Though tight in the seat
Software - They make it look neat [pen] yes, I meant to but forgot :o(
Marc - When they splat and my bare butt got cold.
Marc - Oh Dear, won't you please come inside,
penelope - At least 'til the bloodstains have dried
Software - This axe in my head
irach - Is no cause for dread
Spangle - I'm an extra in 'Frankenstein's Bride'
Phil - Excellent!
I once found an eye in my soup
irach - It stared at me through beefy goop
KagomeShuko - My mom said, "It's a pea,"
Giertrud - But I knew it could see
Marc - ‘cause it blinked – it was Billy the Snoop! (Why me?)
Marc - "My dear Watson, I think it was you,"
Raak - "Who has spent the weekend sniffing glue"
irach - "What I smoke in my pipe"
Darren - "Is something more ripe"
Sierra Mike - "(It's a horse of a different hue)"
"It's a 'baccy from old Araby"
irach - "Yon beetle crawlin' in it? It's scaraby"
Sierra Mike - Ow!
penelope - [SM & irach] I got hit twice with that one!Ouch!!
FGZstar - "Belonged to Imhotep"
Sierra Mike - [penelope] Okay, I'll bite: What is wrong with my first line?
KagomeShuko - Who had lots of pep Sierra Mike - just difficult to rhyme, I think. reveal
Spangle - Oh dear O dear O dear - and we were doing SO well back up there ^^^ :^(
Marc - Growing smokeless tobacco at Niles Abbey http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tabennae

Marc - At submission make sure brain is ON, (Sometimes rhyme and scansion must be ignored for educational purposes ;-)
Software - Lest scansion and rhyme isn't done
penelope - the failure to check [SM] I'll try and be kind! 'Araby', with its stress on the second syllable is very hard to rhyme and scan. And the fact that you had to tailor the word for tobacco AND the word for Arabia to make a first line makes me think you were trying too hard whilst ignoring the basics. If it doesn't scan, it, er, doesn't scan.
Raak - Can make a train wreck
Spangle - Keep it simple - lest all wit be gone
Spangle - The writing that's writ on the wall
Sierra Mike - Is italic, and forty feet tall [penelope] I'll return the kindness. It's a BAC-ee from OLD ara BEE. "Baccy" was common usage when I was a lad; my pipe-smoking father never referred to it by any other name. The Archaic "Araby" seemed to fit perfectly with "old".
Sierra Mike - [Spangle]reveal
Marc - It says: Children - let's play
Software - Nicely all day
Dude - Nice and gentle all day; And do not kick those arses at all!
Tuj - And the reason I chose to conceal
u.s.a
Software - Does such play have any appeal?
KagomeShuko - I'd say that it doesn't
Spangle - Shall I spoil? No I mustn't tough rhyme KS
Marc - Hidden lines (when they fail!) is no big deal
Marc - The visions we build with our lines
Spangle - Are matched by most motorway signs sorry above - didn't realise not all can access the reveal feature
Software - The white and the blue
Raak - And the green and black too No-one seems to have noticed Tuj's hidden move.
Spangle - (Raak) reveal
KagomeShuko - Are always covered in vines!
Audience -
Spangle: Minus 2 points for multiposting without license
Softers: Minus 2 points for not observing Tuj's hidden line
The rest: Well played all
Phil - There was an old lady of Kent
Marc - With a fortune that still was unspent
Raak - A young man on the make
Rosie - And a bit of a rake
Software - In her riches made a big dent
Rosie - There was an old fellow from Surrey Shut up at the back!
Raak - Who late at night started to worry
penelope - 'Bout the Euro and Pound
Phil - Then he suddenly found
Software - That the Irish had just said they're sorry
FGZstar - There was an Architecture student
Rosie - (FGZ) Would you like to have another go with some that has the right rhythm and has a few rhymes?
Tuj - Let's try
A student of architecture
Raak - Had ambitions both noble and pure
Software - His fine fenestration
Rosie - Was just demonstration
KagomeShuko - Of some of his cunning allure.
Giertrud - On yesterday, my birthday fell reveal
Marc - And the gifts were all brilliantly swell
Software - I particularly like
penelope - My fish on a bike
Spangle - And the crack from the Liberty Bell
Raak - There's an elephant stuck in my door
penelope - He says he's not from Bangalore
Software - But from Disneyland ®
FGZstar - With a full marching band
Tuj - ...but they're late! It's my birthday no more! </scansion-bending>
KagomeShuko - An unbirthday party sounds nice
Marc - Are you coming? I won't ask you twice
Spangle - There's cake - but no candles
Phil - Because of the vandals
penelope - And no tarts as we're all anti-vice.
Spangle - Your honour, my client is blameless
Software - But the guilty shall still remain nameless
Marc - We admit he was there
Raak - And shed a loose hair
Rosie - So he's balding, not guilty, but shameless.
Tuj - I've a notion to tame a gorilla [pen,Ros] delicately finished, kudos
Rosie - By off'ring it strawb'rry vanilla (Tuj) Cheers.
KagomeShuko - Ice cream or candy
Giertrud - Perhaps some brandy
Whootz - I think I'll name it Godzilla!
Tuj - There's far too much bran in my diet
Phil - Ever since my doc said I should try it
Raak - It goes through me so fast
Marc - And it ends with a blast
FGZstar - And now I feel deflated and quiet
Tuj - I really wish I could explain
Rosie - To Frenchmen, Danes and Turks
Marc - How to optimize rhymes [Rosie: To a Frenchman, a Turk and a Dane?]
Rosie - Oh Arse, buggeration and Rupert Murdoch! I must've thought it was a Pea and Honey Recipe. Try this then:
To the average Frenchman or Dane
Marc - How to optimize rhymes (Marc) I've put yours in again, as the art mistress said to the gardener.
Raak - For these cold, rainy climes
Software - And why rain always falls on the plain
Tuj - My standard reply is denial [Rosie] Just so happens with a bit of stress manipulation my line could've been either!
Rosie - I'm from Barcelona, I smile (Tuj) That may have been what misled me, apart from inattention.
Marc - And say "Si, si - mañana
penelope - "We have no bañana" oblig.
Spangle - I'm brimful of Catalan guile
Rosie - There was a young fellow called Frank
irach - Who laughed all the way to the bank
Spangle - His sperm for to sell
Phil - But he tripped and he fell
Software - And said: "That was a waste of a .."I'll get my coat
Juxtapose - The holiday season is grand
KagomeShuko - but I wish you'd just hold my hand
Giertrud - I get lost in the crowds
Spangle - Coz my head's in the clouds (KS, G) Little scope for decent rhymes. Are you one person doing double postings under two names?
Marc - When I hug your right mammary gland... (Cloud number seven?)
FGZstar - I'm gonna jump in with a punt (Blame Jim. I challenge you all to avoid any smut with this one!)
irach - While eating a cake - a great Bundt
Juxtapose - Which I bought in Nantucket
Giertrud - Along with a bucket
KagomeShuko - After I had a lunt lunt: smoke a pipe. Also, me? I am one person. KagomeShuko is my single screen name I use now. Giertrud is not me.
Marc - There once was a Japanese fighter [KS,G Occasionally I'm also a little schizo!] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tekagi-shuko
Kim - Who had a mishap with a lighter
Software - His Zero caught fire
irach - And he faced Tojo's ire
Dujon - For smoking at work, the poor blighter.
Software - There once was a Christmas elf
Spangle - Who suffered from very poor helf
Marc - So he went to the doc
Rosie - Who did naught but mock
irach - And charged him the bulk of his welf
Raak - Nngh Naouwfaouwk vaey aouw taouwk woik vif "In Norfolk they all talk like this"
Rosie - Whaa'? Even 'ng pahsh taoüns loike Diff? "What? Even in posh towns like Diss?"
KagomeShuko - Jeg vil prøve å lære det "I'd try to learn it"
Marc - Fast jag är en analfabet "Though I am an analphabit"
Éirinn go Brách - Póg mo thóin! Tá mo bhríste trí thine! "Kiss my ass! My trousers are burning like this"
Marc - There once was a chic little chick (back to basics)
Software - A fashionista that made the rest sick
Raak - Her little black dress
Rosie - Revealed to the press
Tmkr - A house built of silicone brick "If you can remember the seventies, would you admit it?"
Santas underlining elf -
Marc - Twas the Night before Christmas I think,
Raak - That I thought I would have a wee drink
Rosie - So I poured out a brandy
Software - Got a hooker called Mandy
KagomeShuko - And called Charlie Sheen's shrink. (apologies about the reference to the US News)
Marc - At the end of this year let me say,
irach - It's been 52 weeks of great play
Raak - This collective of wit
Projoy - - since its fuse was first lit -
Giertrud - has taxed my matter that's gray.
KagomeShuko - A new year's a time for new things
FGZstar - And a time when ev'rybody sings
Juxtapose - So let's sip some wine
Marc - With some food that's divine (Can anyone please explain Giertrud's line? I do not understand it at all but I am a blody foreigner of course...)
Software - And wait till the microwave pings . Grey matter - a reference to the stuff inside the head - i.e. the brain.
penelope - I've forgotten the things that I knew
irach - For example, is this year still new?
Rosie - And if not, then how old
Software - We should all be told
Spangle - If I'm kept in the dark - I shall sue
Rosie - While stuck on the M25
Software - A shortcut I tried to contrive
penelope - But my detour through SloughYou have the option - sluff or slouw...
Raak - Was more than enough enuff or enow...
irach - To add a half hour to my drive
Giertrud - Hey, have you seen my rubber?
KagomeShuko - If I don't find it I'll blubber.
Marc - Is it this one - the black? (G and KS, I admire the remarcable precision in two different persons posting ;-)
Software - Flavoured if you need a snack
Spangle - Another mercy killing -
Bubba bubba bubba bubba bubba
Now play properly!
Audience - Spangle, your license is now confiscated. You may go to your room and stay there!
penelope - We'd very much like you to try
Marc - Finding rhymes that will fit, don't be shy
Spangle - When you've done that
irach - Verses won't go all "splat"
Software - Or fizzle out and just die
Giertrud - Oh look! Here's a blow-up sheep!
penelope - [G] No there isn't. 1. It doesn't scan. 2. It's effing childish. Try harder.
Spangle - [penelope] I, too, am deeply disappointed with the children's recent behaviour.
Spangle - I need to confess to a crime
penelope - I've wasted four hours of your time
Knobbly - But in my defence
Marc - I will use common sense
irach - To provide you both reason and rhyme
penelope - I need to confess to a sin
irach - I went out the door that said "In"
Phil - My erratic egress
Marc - To my X's address
Software - Is because my mind's in a spin
Spangle - Was a flimsy excuse to buy gin
penelope - My shame of embarrassing sin oh this is turning out to be a sorry tale...
Marc - I've drowned in a gallon of gin
Spangle - My soul's taken flight
FGZstar - So I think that I might
Chalky - Have some fun in the hell that I'm in
irach - Alas and alack! Woe, is me!
KagomeShuko - I think I just scraped my knee!
Marc - As I kneeled on the floor
Raak - Wrestling with a trapdoor [Marc] Is "kneeled" modern American for "knelt"?
Juxtapose - While fleeing the L.A.P.D.[Raak] both are acceptable here in the States.
Marc - There once was a kneeling young nun [Raak] Don't ask me, I'm an alien using MS-word for my poofreading...
irach - Who thought she'd stand up just for fun
FGZstar - Her habit then ripped.
Software - And her modesty slipped
Spangle - But she made the third page of 'The Sun'
Giertrud - Monty Python would just be so proud
KagomeShuko - if you played a tuba that's loud!
irach - With dead parrots in tow
penelope - Let's get on with the show!
Raak - Individuals all in this crowd!
Phil - Whilst playing "The Liberty Bell"
Spangle - Our bandstand collapsed - then we fell
Marc - And the bell fell and cracked
Knobbly - So with guilt I am wracked
irach - And Ben Franklin is giving me hell
Spangle - A round of applause please - I've just
Raak - Excavated this ancient Greek bust
irach - It is Aphrodite
Rosie - It's going back to Blighty
Giertrud - After I've cleaned all the dust.
KagomeShuko - My camera's screen's certainly dying
irach - I broke my scanner too without much trying
Spangle - So now I can't scan - pun intended - oh yeah
Marc - 'cause when shit hits the fan [Spangle] Brilliant!
Mama - It is off to the shop and start buying.
Rosie - While bringing a meeting to order
irach - I played the Bach "Air" on recorder
Marc - After tapping the mike
Spangle - Someone said "Take a hike!"
Raak - For my Musical Offering just bored her.
penelope - I've done all your laundry by hand well... almost half of it - the washing machine is broken
Software - And to scrub every floor I have planned
Rosie - Including the loo
Raak - And the soot-laden flue
Giertrud - And the beach that's STILL covered in sand!
Software - One day an old Pearly King
Phil - Was somehow mistaken for Sting
irach - Every breath that he took
Pablo - Caused his fizzog to look
Spangle - Like a tantric arrangement of bling
Marc - It's so cold I think hell freezes over
Software - As I'm driving my old Vauxhall Nova
Rosie - My fingers are numb
Raak - And so is my bum (oblig.)
KagomeShuko - How long is it 'til I read Dover?
Chalky - It's taken four years to explain
penelope - Where the rain falls in some parts of Spain
Software - Yet the answer was clear
Rosie - It's in Andalucía reveal
Giertrud - Where they have located the drain!
1 -
Marc - I tried finding words to rhyme clear
irach - Then gave up, and went to buy beer
KagomeShuko - When I entered the store
Giertrud - I found it cost more
Software - So my eye developed a tear
Marc - I cried, and I cried, and I cried,
Raak - For I tried, and I tried, and I tried
Software - But dear oh dear
irach - I do fear, I do fear
Phil - That you lied and you lied and you lied.
penelope - [M, R, S, i, P] That's the most heart-rending limerick I think we've ever had. Well done.
Now let's think of cheerier matters
Software - Like Tommy Cooper and other mad hatters
Pablo - Morecombe and Wise?
Rosie - Making mud pies
Knobbly - With their dressing gowns covered in spatters
Rosie - It's time for my daily banana
Spangle - All smothered with pureed sultana
Raak - A durian milk shake
irach - (Quite a smelly mistake!)
Software - Maybe I'll come back manãna
Pablo - There's a reason I don't like young Dave
Spangle - And I'll share it with you 'cause I'm brave
penelope - Is, he scares me, y'see
Marc - With that noise as he wee
penelope - And the daredevil way that he shave Marc, is English your native language? Because sometimes I wonder, the way you force rhymes in when the subject and sense just don't fit.
Marc - There once was a man with a beard
Spangle - Which he grew because folks said he leered
Rosie - But he leered unabated
Softwa - At each lady he dated
Passin' Thru - And that Sir, is how come he got sheared.
Rosie - While trying to play Brubeck's Take Five
Marc - My feet started dancing the jive
Software - Their groovy gyrations
Raak - Made large perturbations
Spangle - - I'm told that her toes won't survive.
Marc - Tonight is a full Lenten Moon
Juxtapose - Which comes not a moment too soon
Rosie - For I have indulged
Raak - And my belly has bulged
Pablo - I admit - I'm a thorough poltroon
Spangle - My favourite Uncle has claimed
penelope - That he was mistakenly blamed
Software - For the financial mess
Marc - And for cheating in chess
Pablo - For which he was named, shamed and maimed.
Spangle - [p,S,M,P] :-)
Marc - "In jail you belong Uncle Andy!"
irach - "Your excesses go beyond randy"
Software - "For your lecherous way"
Rosie - "You now have to pay"
"Juxtapose" - But first, pour me some of that brandy?
Spangle - Please stop this absurd punctuation
Marc - It leads to complete obfuscation
Raak - Say the words as they're spelled
Rosie - Like "yacht", "Keighley", "knelt" (Raak) I'm sure you meant "spelt".
Pablo - or "supertranssubstantiation"
Rosie - All of us use electricity
Raak - Its chiefest appeal is simplicity
Spangle - However, some find
Marc - That Propane gas, combined
Software - In the kitchen causes duplicity
Raak - My mouse balls are sticky with dust
penelope - Which disables the joy of mouse lust well, really!
Marc - So I've screwed off the plug
Software - Gave its balls a good tug
Spangle - All of which leaves my mouse quite nonplussed
Rosie - My monitor's baleful stare
Phil - Seems to plead, "Is anyone there?"
penelope - The answer, so sad
KagomeShuko - Because it's just a fad
Giertrud - To use this outdated hardware.
Pablo - I've revived my old VC10
Kim - Which I last flew in - goodness known when!
Marc - Though its synthetic sound (http://www.vintagesynth.com/korg/vc10.php)
Mifto - Makes it bound to the ground
Caesar - Though we're airborne each Friday at ten.
Rosie - The next time I see a black cat
Software - At it I shall throw my hat
Marc - I shall swear curse and spit [Softers] Wouldn't 'old hat' give your line a better scansion?
Pablo - As I rightly see fit
penelope - Then kick it away. And that's that.
Pablo - Incredible as it may seem
irach - I like being broad in the beam
penelope - The comfort I get
Software - From a full buttock set
Spangle - Is matched by a fine bosom team
Phil - [P, i, p, So, Sp] Jolly good, I enjoyed that :-)
My shoulder is hurting like hell
Software - And it makes my arm ache as well Actually this is timely, I have a trapped nerve in my shoulder and it does hurt like hell!
Rosie - I must give up darts
Chasty - And start dating tarts
As my jerk-muscle's started to swell.

irach - I shall reach for my coat and my hat
Rosie - Don them, adjust my cravat (Chasty) Your jerk muscles are situated in your hand and forearm and I detect overuse.
Software - The make for the door
Marc - For us who don't score
Simons Mith - The whorehouse will remedy that
Rosie - My life has been turned upside down
irach - In my new job as "Famed Head-stand Clown"
Giertrud - The blood to my head rushes
Raak - Which gives me hot flushes
Pablo - Which at least brings some kind of renown
Marc - There once was a man who was smart
irach - Who could cunningly conceal a fart
penelope - Or so he had thought Fool. You can never achieve that.
Software - Because he was caught
Rosie - Claiming hydrogen sulphide as art.
KagomeShuko - I wish I had super strength
Raak - I'd not ask, "Are the foils all a length?"
Giertrud - I would just use me arms
Marc - And switch on all my charms
Pass'n Thru - Albeit imbibe far less absinthe.
Software - One day while washing my car
Rosie - Of bird droppings, fag ash and tar Last one absolutely dreadful.
penelope - Which clogged up my chamois *careful now*
Pablo - And made it all clammy Antipodean Pronunciation invoked
Marc - Now it's shining and worthy a Czar
Rosie - In French, but not English, there's gender (Pablo) Wot, clamwah?.
Software - In UK its a wing, not a fender
irach - US -"center", not "centre"
Pablo - but you can tell what is meant: a
Marc - In this case we've arrived at The Ender.
Marc - My boss (it's a she) never knows
Raak - The colour I've painted my toes
Pablo - One day I'll surprise her
Giertrud - By using Budweiser
KagomeShuko - And the powder left from Cheetos.
Rosie - The good folk of Chorlton-cum-Hardy
Pablo - Are quite underweight - never lardy
Raak - But the chiels o' Dumfries
penelope - Are loaded with grease
Software - Smelly, obese and quite mardy
Ye Olde Gong Farmer - There was an old man of Dundee called William Topaz McGonagall.
Raak - Who wrote verse that the people of Dundee and beyond found comical
Simons Mith - He strove with heroic verse both night and day
Spangle - Each effort more disastrous than the Tay
Phil - His poetry you can still see, serialised in the Edinburgh Chronicle
Simons Mith - It seems at last we've found our level
Pablo - And so we can begin to revel [Simons]Is this some quaint old Tudor metre for limericks that you have resurrected?
Raak - Poetic form is so passé 4 lines, AABB?
Phil - The Lim'rick déclassé - It still works as a Limerick, IMHO: It seems at last we've found our level / And so we can begin to revel / Poetic (pronounced pwetic) form is so passé
Rosie - But this stuff sounds more like Phil Neville. (Phil notNeville) You're a kinder man than me. SM's line can be greatly improved by inverting we've and at last. (Pablo) Any further references to "quaint old Tudor" will be treated with the utmost disdain. :-)
William Topaz McGonagall - So who took my great name in vain
Rosie - The whole world, old chap, once again Not a diamond geezer, then.
Raak - On the silvery Tay
Pablo - As you stood up to say: [Rosie]Scorn my Tudor references as you will, the fact remains that Simons started us off in 6/8 metre but with crotchet-quaver pattern ending on a weak beat, whereas you finish with traditional limerick 6/8, all in quavers and finishing on the strong beat. Metric mismatch! (Sorry for expressing it in musical terms but have forgotten all that anapestic/trochaic/pterodactyls stuff.)
Phil - "Would you look at that f***ing big train!"
Simons Mith - That's silly enough for the nonce
Rosie - About with this stuff let's not ponce (Pablo) It was mock indignation, a joke (note the smiley), nothing to do with metre. Are you aware of my real name, and age? I thought most the the Morniverse was.
Software - Just get to the point
Phil - Or we'll have to appoint
Raak - A gendarme to whack noobs on the bonce.
Rosie - I spied from behind a net curtain
Ye Olde Gong Farmer - A something, of which I'm not certain? It could be... may-be not... or may-be it's... No, sorry I can't make it out, can any of you?
Pablo - Could it be a duck? [Rosie] re name and age, I have heard rumours, but would not like to act on anything unsubstantiated :-)
Marc - Flattened out by a truck
Software - Or hotpot by Betty Turpin
Sir Joseph Bazalgette - The Thames did once stink to high heaven
Software - In fact, you could smell it from Devon
Raak - But some Eau de Cologne
irach - Shipped by old Sly Stallone
Rosie - Raised the pH to eleven. Caustic comments awaited.
Giertrud - It's true! I've seen elves, gnomes, and fairies
KagomeShuko - Who always pick my strawberries.
Softwaer - These funny wee folk
Marc - My joints they will smoke
Pablo - And annoy me by shouting "Hail Marys"
Software - While mowing my lawn in the rain
Raak - My foot felt a quite sudden pain
nights - It turns out I'd stood
Rosie - On something that should
Marc - Have driven a maniac insane.
Marc - Last night as I went to the pub
Ye Olde Gong Farmer - for a pint, or maybe some grub
Software - But stood at the bar
Rosie - Was my own avatar
Raak - Who'd escaped from the Second Life hub. Anyone else here active on Second Life?
Pablo - I've just written a lovely new tune
Knobbly - A duet for steel drum and bassoon
irach - Its tinny low drone
Rosie - Like an orgasmic groan
Raak - Sounds so sweet on a warm night in June. Apparently not, then.
Tuj - I stood on my own in the dark
cfm - Aghast, in Van Cortlandt Park
Pablo - With my money all gone
irach - In the Bronx, all forlorn
Software - I felt a bit of a nark
Rosie - Don't look at the sun through binocs
Knobbly - Or sail over Niag. in a box
Tuj - If thrills you must seek
Marc - Just pretend you are Greek
CdM - And try changing fonts in a .docx
CdM - [Raak] I spent a few months playing with Second Life a few years back. I found it interesting but also somewhat baffling. I think I never figured out whether to be me, or whether I should be creating some new persona. Maybe I should take a look back in there again sometime.
Raak - [CdM] It's said that introverts tend to make avatars that are copies of themselves, while extroverts make avatars completely unlike themselves. My first av was basically a copy of me, although it's evolved away from that (for one thing, it's female now), and my second I started with something random and have been tweaking it ever since. I'm still the same person behind the keyboard though -- I find it impossible to put on a different manner with a different avatar.
My avatar's manic and loud
Rosie - It wants to stand out in the crowd
Software - To advertise me
Pablo - And accept a small fee
Marc - And for this I am not at all proud.
Marc - There once was a wonderful kisser
cfm - (It's no wonder so many miss her.)
Kim - Her lips she did pucker
Pablo - Like a giant squid's sucker
Software - But sadly she's pulling your pisser The one with the belt missing, thanks
Simon Mith - My trenchcoat is missing its belt
Tuj - I found out just now when I felt u.s.a.
KagomeShuko - The breeze quite so cold
cfm - It made certain things BOLD
Marc - So i hurried back home at full pelt...
Marc - I know where I am - I am lost!
cfm - And really don't need to be bossed!
Pablo - So shuddupa ya face
Software - Just get on the case
Columbus - And tell me which oceans I've crossed?
cfm - Relying on GPS
Simons Mith - I think there's a missing 'my' in that line. On that assumption:
Is a sure route to anguish and stress
Pablo - It's well-known to deceive
Giertrud - Or at least I believe
Rosie - 'Cos I wanted Bough Beech; got Loch Ness.
KagomeShuko - A certain young kangaroo
Raak - To an emu said, "How do you do?"
cfm - The emu replied
irach - "Good! You Bonnie, me Clyde"
Marc - "Let us rob this here old boring zooo!"
Marc - There once was a golden-brown beer
cfm - That brought many pub crawlers good cheer
Puckoon - but at Earls Court
Assuming: A puckoon at Earls Court - Always asked for "Red Port"
Rosie - And was rightly chucked out on 'is ear.
cfm - Myself, I prefer a nice pinot
Spangle - Or a cool Andalucian fino
Chalky - But if push comes to shove
ImNotJohn - I've an illicit love
Phil - For pretty much any cheap vino.
Bystander - Ha - v neat!
CdM - What Mr or Ms Bystander just said. That was excellent.

Life is too short for bad wine
Tuj - Though having said that I'll opine [c,S,C,I,P] Stellar!
cfm - That even the worst
Marc - Will extinguish your thirst ...ugh...
Software - And too much will rend you supine
Simons Mith - I lie on my back and I think
cfm - Oh why did I have that last drink?
Phil - As my gut starts to churn
Rosie - And my face starts to gurn
Software - I quickly head for the sink
KagomeShuko - The porcelain throne I now face
Rosie - Which my arsehole's about to deface One for you, Phil.
irach - Both ends will soon spew
cfm - My message to you
KagomeShuko - While myself, I disgrace.
penelope - A topic of general bad taste
Giertrud - Is likely to get you maced
cfm - A sense of decorum
CdM - In this here forum
Marc - Behave - or forever be chased ...
Phil - I just splashed out on some new bedding
irach - Where my bride will lay after our wedding
cfm - I hope she likes neon
Rosie - 'Cos it must be an aeon (irach) Is lay transitive? If so, who is the layee? The bridgegroom, presumably. If intransitive is she a chicken, great in egg? Did you mean lie?.
KagomeShuko - And put her in the mood for clothes shedding.
irach - [Rosie]lay (lâ) transitive verb , (Slang) to have sexual intercourse with. ("Layee" works both ways, it's not just the groom's prerogative - ever heard of "woman on top", or do you think just "missionary"?
As I climbed to the top of the tower
Raak - I saw just out of reach, a small flower
cfm - With petals petite
Phil - And aroma so sweet,
Marc - Tried to pick it and fell for an hour.... (crash-boom-bang)
Marc - There are ways that are good and there's bad
CdM - Ways to explain to your dad
Rosie - That you've just seen your Mum (irach) All blather. You meant lie, just as the woman next door meant when I used to hear her bellowing at her baby to "lay down!" "Pass him the bottles, then", I mutter. In any case, one doesn't lay; one gets laid.
cfm - oh dear, the possiblities. but i resist... With that idiot from
Rosie - (cfm) "From" doesn't rhyme with "Mum". Are you some typically dimwitted fucking Yank or something?
CdM -
[irach] The Merriam-Webster Dictionary of English Usage (which is the only truly worthwhile reference on style I have ever come across) observes that, in spoken English, "...there is the simple longevity of intransitive lay, almost 700 years of continuous use." It concludes its entry as follows (emphasis mine):
"Notwithstanding the belief of some that social judgments can be solidly based on language use, the lay-lie shibboleth may be changing its status. For instance, several commentators, such as Evans 1957, Follett 1966, and Flesch 1983, are perfectly willing to give the distinction up; Bolinger 1980 thinks it is already a lost cause not worth defending; Copperud 1970, 1980 judges the consensus of his experts that at least some uses of lay for lie are verging on standard; Flesch even goes so far as to recommend using lay for lie if it comes naturally to you.

"If lay "lie" is on the rise socially, however, it is likely to be a slow rise, as indignant letters to the editor attest. Bolinger observes sensibly that if you have invested some effort in learning the distinction, you will not want to admit that you have wasted your time. ... So what should you do? The best advice seems to be Bolinger's:
"Many people use lay for lie, but certain others will judge you uncultured if you do. Decide for yourself what is best for you."


[Rosie] Dear oh dear oh dear. You really need to get out more, see the world. There are many more ways of speaking English than you encounter in your particular little corner of suburbia.
Umpire - "From" barely rhyme "Mum": http://www.rhymezone.com/r/rhyme.cgi?Word=mum&typeofrhyme=perfect&org1=syl&org2=l&org3=y
Rosie vs the rest: 0 - 2
ImNotJohn - Interestingly the 'lay/lie' issue is addressed by Geoffrey Pullum today in Language Log and he sticks to the (in)transitive distinction more than Merriam-Webster does. I think there may be a bit of transatlantic variation here on the levels of acceptability. I also wouldn't rhyme 'mum' and 'from' any more than 'mom' and 'crumb', though I wouldn't call someone out on it.
Kim - This is all just the result of a typing error. I'm sure that cfm simply omitted to type the word "Brum" at the end of his line in his line before posting.
Chalky - The Pru [he's a bit of a cad]. Now stop being a silly, Rosie. You're worth more than this pettyfogging quibblesome nonsense. And I do believe that's the very first time I have used the word pettyfogging - - - :^)
Chalky - If you make me an offer I might
Software - Do something to you to delight
Raak - For sufficient incentive
cfm - I can be quite inventive
Marc - And promise to play - not to fight!
Projoy - Would you like to come over and play?
cfm - I've fun toys here--what do you say?
irach - There's Tigger and Roo
Giertrud - And don't forget Pooh!
Software - But forget Andy Pandy - he's gay
Pablo - Should we play today out in the street? [p,c,i,g,s] applause
Raak - Smash a shop, bash a cop on his beat!
cfm - We can burn with impunity
Phil - Destroy our community
CdM - —Ah, look at those kids. Ain't they sweet?
cfm - well done
cfm - If you wake in the middle of the night
CdM - With an feeling that something's not right
Pablo - Grab your old cricket bat
Raak - And put on a hard hat
Chalky - Will this you laid? Well - it might.
Let there be no doubt at all about the meaning of 'laid'
irach - If an egg can get laid in the morning
cfm - It may do so without any warning.
CdM - The poor shell-shocked hen
ImNotJohn - Gets caught short in its pen
Marc - And the cock shake his tail and start mourning ...
Marc - The chick or the egg - what came first?
irach - The Eggs! From their shells chicks do burst!
Simons Mith - But who laid the eggs?
Raak - Is the question this begs
Tuj - Damn it! Let them be cursed and recursed!
Raak - There were eggs before chicks had evolved
cfm - The issue, I think, is resolved
Simons Mith - Now, scrambled or fried?
Software - I can never decide
Chalky - And what's more - will not get involved
cfm - Fry me some eggs in sweet butter
Raak - While I practise long strokes with my putter
CdM - Bring me baked beans [Tuj] That was a truly excellent line.
Marc - While I put on my jeans
penelope - Do I sound like a farty golf nutter?
Chalky - If planted, this seed will produce ... Enough with the egg thing!
cfm - A berry beloved by moose
Raak - If you climb up the tree
Software - You're certain to see
irach - Bullwinkle up there, on the loose
cfm - [irach} *smiles*
When the road has become kind of Rocky
Chalky - Take advice from an amateur jockey
Raak - Keep your bum in the air
Phil - Cling on tight to your mare
irach - Or you'll throw up your pre-race lunch gnocchi
cfm - In Siberia, gnocchi are served
Phil - In a manner that leaves me unnerved
Software - 'Cos pasta on tundra
Tuj - Will make me a chund'rer
Marc - And that is just what I've deserved...
Marc - This night I woke up in a dream
Raak - And said "Things are not quite as they seem"
cfm - I can't cross the oceans
irach - And control bowel motions
Software - But I'll just check the sheets - hope they're clean
Chalky - This morning light promises much
penelope - A day full of happiness, such... unfini
cfm - as olives! And kisses!
Raak - And best wedding wishes!
ImNotJohn - For Pen and her dear old Dutch
(oblig)
smiling bystander - Aaaaah - hope they like olives ...
cfm - I remember, on my honeymoon
Phil - I was caught in an Indian monsoon
Chalky - To shelter from harm
Raak - We found an old barn
Simons Mith - Which was cheaper than renting a room
Software - A cheapskate I'll always be
cfm - The check's never handed to me
Pablo - I don't pay my share
Tuj - Which you may think unfair
penelope - But why pay when you get it for free? oblig.
cfm - Buy one and you'll get one free!
Raak - If two's not enough, then take three!
irach - Buy three, the fourth's yours
Chalky - Plus a fifth one, of course
CdM - And here, have the sixth one on me
Phil - "Discount? What's that?" said the vendor
cfm - I've a way of seducing the spender
Raak - Without special offers
Software - I'll empty your coffers
Botherer - Like Sanjay Kapoor from Eastenders
And I don't even watch soaps, honest
Chalky - [Botherer] would've been even better if last 2 words had been 'the Eastender' Good to see you btw :)
Botherer - [Chalky] Good call! And thanks, good to be back! So on that note:
Botherer - The problem I have with the soaps
Tuj - Is the plot-makers clearly are dopes
Software - They think that disaster
Raak - Piled higher and faster
Phil - Is better than most TV tropes
KagomeShuko - In early Pre-Christian Rome
Giertrud - A scribe penned a lengthy old tome
Raak - Its mysterious pages   (How can you pen an old tome? If you're penning it, it's brand new.)
penelope - Took him ages and ages
cfm - [Raak] I wondered about that myself (from a print media perspective) but perhaps
Cos he carved them in wood with a comb.
Raak -
I'm building an old ruined abbey
Chalky - Coz I'm old and infirm and quite scabby - I realise, of course, that my contribution is not in the best possible taste. Just shoot me now.
cfm - Each brick I place crumbles
Marc - The Lord above grumbles [Raak] Outstanding "subliminal" message
Pablo - As His Kingdom on Earth looks so flabby
cfm - When people say "ends of the earth"
KagomeShuko - I wonder what they have "learth."
Marc - We must all reconsider our lines [cfm, KS] Maybe you should also reconsider your lines?
Raak - Lest the Limerick Police impose fines
Software - Bad rhythm and scansion
CdM - And metric expansion Nothing remotely wrong with cfm's opener there.
ImNotJohn - Will soon provoke grumbles and whines
(Indeed: cfm's line fitted all the scansion requirements for a limerick)

When people say "ends of the earth"
They seldom mean further than Perth
But "back of beyond"
Or "over the pond"
Is never a place of great worth


Tuj - There's no call nowadays for a sword
Botherer - A wigwam, an easel, or fjord
irach - Or for correction fluid
penelope - Unless you're a druid unfini
Raak - Who wants to erase a bad word.
cfm - I learned some bad words in my youth
Raak - Some obscene, others merely uncouth
Marc - One I think starts with F...?
penelope - So thank goodness I'm deaf
Botherer - Or I might hear you F... Connie Booth
KagomeShuko - Reverend Spooner's speech is quite scary
Giertrud - To anyone quite ordinary
cfm - With consonants mangled
Raak - And vow'ls intertwangled
Chalky - Ones point boon succumbs cite quantrary
cfm - [Chalky] Excellent ending. :-)
Simons Mith - Today be piratically themed
CdM - For those who are easily memed [Chalky] Not "kite quantrary"?
irach - Arr, me timbers do shiver
Marc - As we pass Yellow River
Giertrud - And anywhere else we have dreamed.
Software - While swimming the Channel one day
Raak - I discovered I'd quite lost my way
cfm - A compass malfunction
Blob - Made me head for the junction
Marc - Outside Dover - to Chesapeake Bay...
Marc - The Brollys of ancient Cherbourg
cfm - Are lined up outside of the morgue
Software - Les petits parapluies
irach - Shield from raining ratatouille
Pablo - The folks from Frogfunerals.org
cfm - Here's what you must do if I croak
Raak - Pierce my heart with a stake made of oak
Software - For I am the undead
Giertud - So you know what? Instead ...
Botherer - Kill that strange looking werewolf bloke
Marc - Whenever I'm guessing I'm wrong
Chalky - I'll simply break out into song
penelope - 'Shaddapya Face' would suit my work situation right now
Pablo - Rings around the workplace
KagomeShuko - But it's not by Olivia Ong.
Giertrud - Michelle Kwan was skating one day
Pablo - When a bollard just got in her way
cfm - Alas, no triple lutz
irach - For this ice-skating klutz
Projoy - Hit the buffers, the skids and the hay.
American mothers opine
irach - That plying their babies with wine
Raak - Will prevent ADD
Software - But reduce ABC
cfm - And certainly make 'em quit cryin'.
Marc - When in Rome you should do as the Romans
Projoy - And scrutinise entrails for omens
penelope - A goat's bloody gut
Software - Or a eunuch's old nut
Pablo - Then make a display - like a showman's
Juxtapose - I once met a werewolf from Kent
Simons Mith - Who helped me to put up a tent
irach - This kind loup-garoux
Pablo - Then cooked up a stew
Software - With no meat because it was Lent
cfm - I just heard about a new diet
Marc - Put some tape 'cross your lips and keep quiet
penelope - And if/when you faint
Pablo - Do show some restraint
Raak - When the urge to eat comes, then defy it.
KagomeShuko - The sticks and the stones aren't worth throwing
Giertrud - Except for the ones that are glowing
cfm - So instead I throw peaches
irach - At piranhas and leeches
Chalky - And cocks that are spitefully crowing
Pablo - There's nowt like a good cup of char
Raak - It beats beer, wine, and coffee by far
irach - And if the brew is Earl Grey
penelope - I would have to say
Software - Spot on - award a gold star
KagomeShuko - A lass with huge melons, I spied
penelope - Piss-poor, Kagome. Please expunge your adolescent limerick fantasies elsewhere.
irach - Here's the tale of a limerick prude
Tuj - Who crudeness in rhyming eschewed
cfm - Bad fruit euphemisms
Raak - Resulted in schisms
Phil - And an effort to veto the lewd
Raak - Let's remember the Gunpowder Plot
irach - Which failed; it was Fawked up a lot
Botherer - Which is why every year
nights - We all stand and cheer
Software - While burning the Guy - what a twot
Juxtapose - My mummy has fled from its tomb
cfm - Preferring a more deluxe room
nights - It seems its abode
Raak - Was home to a toad
Pablo - Which was held as a portent of doom
cfm - My mummy has fled from my dad
CdM - For he's a despicable cad
Phil - She's filed for divorce
Marc - And will join the Dark Force
Pablo - So all things considered, I'm glad.
irach - My mummy runs pyramid schemes
Raak - That claim to fulfil all your dreams
Marc - She's recruited her exes
cfm - Bought herself a black Lexus
Giertrud - And works hard to drown out the screams.
Marc - My mummy is screaming a lot
CdM - About the complaints she has got  usa
cfm - A wicked contusion
Phil - Demented confusion, reveal
Rosie - And a copious river of snot. Er, sorry - got a code id be doze.
Software - A teenage mother from Brent
penelope - Had a neat way of paying the rent
irach - When the landlord would knock
Simons Mith - She put coins in a sock
Rosie - With malodorif'rous intent.
Marc - There once was a man who came back [Rosie] Welcome back, hope you had a nice vacation...
Pablo - To his lone little weatherboard shack
penelope - To find that inside
Software - A donkey had died
irach - Which his mastiff had used as a snack
irach -
Rosie - There once was a fellow from Chiswick (Marc) Anything's better than this place. :-)
Raak - Who fell ill with a bout of the phthisic
Marc - Day and night he was coughing
Simons Mith - Though he swore it was nouthing SWIDT? HYDM.
cfm - Cause of death? He was too solipsistic.
irach - A toothless old hag in Llanelli
Raak - Brewed a strong cup of char that was deathly
Software - Which she gave to the vicar
cfm - Who much preferred liquor
Phil - And ran his own still called "Y Felli".
Rosie - The fellows who dig up the road (Raak) People have been keel-hauled for lesser crimes, of course, but there was little you could do.reveal (Phil) Stout fellow.
Raak - Have a secret and unwritten code [Rosie] I wondered what you'd make of that!
Marc - "Monday morning at eight-"
Pablo - "Number 10, by the gate"
Simons Mith - Bring biscuits and plenty of woad
cfm - My friend the guitarist told me
CdM - That every time he plays barred G (taking the stress to be on the middle syllable of guitarist, though there is another way of reading the line that also works)
Phil - He gets cramp in his wrist
irach - And curses Franz Liszt
Rosie - Which seems a bit pointless, to me.
CdM - I've realised something profound [Rosie, Raak] There was a limerick on one of these sites long ago where I rhymed Llanelli with "pallor most "delli". 'Course, in that case, the rhyme was perfect, but was only an approximation to the pronunciation of the English word -- a subtle difference from Raak's case. I'm half Welsh, so I can pronounce Llanelli half decently.
Software - Which, I believe, will astound
Juxtapose - A single red rose
Marc - And a line writ in prose
irach - Will get her to bed in a bound
Pablo - [C,S,J,M,i] Jolly good - I like a bit of optimism

The problem with getting new teeth
irach - Is the old ones are hard to bequeath
Raak - But plant them outside
Software - And treat them with pride
Marc - And spread loads of enamel beneath...
cfm - To grow a whole garden of molars
irach - One must pot them in inverted bowlers
CdM - So all of you misers
Software - And dull early risers
Rosie - Get digging and make some violas. (Herr B) Sorry, couldn't resist it.
Giertrud - I've been 'round for 28 years
KagomeShuko - But dieting's one of my fears
irach - So now I'm obese
Rosie - All blubber and crease
Phil - So pass me twelve more lovely beers.
Pablo - There's possibly nothing as bad
irach - As Gaga's new meaty dress fad
KagomeShuko - It grows germs and maggots
Rosie - (Which can make tasty faggots)
cfm - Plus I've heard that the cows used were mad
Software - As I set off to tour round the world
irach - I make sure that my beard is well curled Ho, ho, ho.
Raak - My red and white cloak
cfm - (Colors courtesy of Coke)
Rosie - Is my aerofoil when unfurled.
penelope - Be merciful with your poor boss
cfm - Someday you will report a net loss
Pablo - Of some zillions of pounds
irach - A sum that astounds
Software - But he still blame the workers of course
Kim - "Take care as you go up that ladder",
Raak - And more HSA yadda-yadda Health & Safety Authority
Rosie - "At all times beware" (Raak) Isn't it the HSE (Executive)?
Marc - " 'cause our lousy health care"
Raak - [Rosie] So it seems. If I had looked at my Google results more closely, I would have seen that the HSA is the Irish version.
cfm - "Won't clean up the blood that you spatter."
cfm - A boy scout once knocked on my door
Phil - But I soon had him pinned to the floor
Rosie - Saying "Show me your woggle" reveal
Marc - "and I'll help you boondoggle"
Software - It's now no wonder I'm sore coat!
Rosie - While scoffing my night-time banana (Softers) You clearly weren't Prepared.
irach - I gazed out at the Kenyan savannah
cfm - When along came a monkey
Raak - No, a gibbon most funky
Phil - Who winked and said, "See you mañana!"
Juxtapose - I plan only one resolution:
nfras - An end to methane pollution
Rosie - Eliminate cattle!
CdM - And you'll see that that'll
cfm - Minimize gas distribution
Pablo - If the Euro does go down the pan
Pablo - If the Euro does go down the pan
Pablo - Whoops - got the 2-for-1 offer by mistake
Raak - I shall unveil my dastardly plan
Juxtapose - (bifurcation) I'll buy every cabbage I can
Rosie - And restore threepenny bits Route 1
Software - To resort to barter Route 2
cfm - Which clearly is smarter Route 2
Marc - Try stop staring at tits Route 1
irach - Than selling French nukes to Iran Route 2
Marc (previous one) - And write better lines if I can... End of route 1
Marc - There once was an impatient killer
irach - Who was known to resemble Camilla
cfm - Her frightful coiffure
Rosie - Which was less than demure
Pablo - Made her look like a bad Phyllis Diller
Rosie - Let us all now praise the spider
cfm - And resist the strong urge to deride her
Software - For her wondrous web
Juxtapose - From April to Feb.
irach - Accounts for the insects inside her
Marc - Now it's less than a week until Christmas
Raak - I'll retire to my own private isthmus
irach - Feast on egg nog and manta
cfm - Festooned with diamante
ImNotJohn - [cfm] Come on, that doesn't rhyme and hardly scans - how about
And, as a present from Santa,
Raak - [INJ] A touch of the shoehorn there?
Rosie - Some glasses to cure my strabismus. Following INJ.
cfm - When your scansion is called into question
Rosie - Be open to any suggestion
Marc - Do not post crappy lines
Raak - Or you'll have to pay fines
Pablo - For causing grammatic indigestion
Marc - Dear Santa I've been a good boy
irach - So what if I'm Jewish, not goy
cfm - I've said my baruchs
Rosie - And kept off all hooches
Software - A day of good kosher joy
Marc - If you want we could meet at the pub
Knobbly - For a pint and a nice syllabub (Slight failure of rhymage in line 4 of previous. Mind you, what English word rhymes with 'baruchs'?
Raak - [Knobbly] "loud heuchs"?
KagomeShuko - Hopefully there's trivia (as for rhying with baruchs - Tuques, kooks, Luke's, nukes, souks . . .)
Giertrud - About Oman or Bolivia
cfm - And something resembling fair grub.
cfm - I put some crushed ice in my shaker
Darren - And added a loaf from the baker
Juxtapose - Three jiggers of rye
Raak - Two ounces of lye
Pablo - I'm preparing to now meet my Maker
Marc - "NOW THE ENDING IS NEAR - PLEASE BEWARE!"
Raak - Said the pilot, when flying RyanAir
Darren - Then turbulence hit
Anna - And the purser said "Shit!"
Rosie - And the queue for the loo, c'est la guerre.
Marc - There once was a cute little maiden
irach - Whose talent was lovely hair braidin'
cfm - Her fingers flew faster
Software - Than light - then disasteru
Pablo - She saw that the colour was fadin'
Merlyn - A fella with long flowing locks
cfm - , a beret and some blue argyle socks
Rosie - Approached me and said
Raak - "I would not be seen dead!
irach - In anything but fancy frocks"
cfm - My tailor and I are in tune/b>
Pablo - Since we danced by the light of the moon
Raak - He has measured me up
Darren - For the Tailor Dance Cup
KagomeShuko - Which takes place promptly at noon!
cfm - She liked her hair long and skirts short
ImNotJohn - And to drink: a small lime and port
Chalky - But question 'her' gender ... interesting that the last ten limericks bar one have been started by the same two contributors ...
Pablo - Is "she" really a bender?
Darren - I'd check but I'd end up in court
Chalky - As we journey through life, we should try Excellent finish Darren
cfm - To have ready a good alibi
CdM - And to question the fitness
Raak - Of each expert witness
penelope - Because folks, given chance, often lie.
Tuj -
The passage from thought into words
Chalky - Proves tricky for most geeks and nerds ...[cfm,CdM,R,pen] classy teamwork :)
Pablo - To help their expression
cfm - Or fervid confession
Rosie - They should sing it with flat minor thirds. Bluesy . . . .
Tuj - Using mice and a furlong of string
cfm - I fashioned some low-budget bling
Marc - That I'd tie to my cat
Darren - In the way of a hat
Chalky - Which made it quite easy to fling
Chalky - Spare a thought for the down-trodden vole
Raak - Who is often confused with the mole
Marc - But the piles that they leave
Darren - If you look, won't deceive
Rosie - 'Cos it all comes out of a hole.
Tuj - Tonight I will go to the pub
ImNotJohn - For the craic, a pint, and some grub
Darren - Perhaps a quick song
cfm - Then, if nothing goes wrong
Chalky - I'll be throwing some shapes at a club
CdM - And if I'm in luck, then I'll pull
KagomeShuko - A fancy trick on a bull
Giertrud - It won't buck me off
Marc - If I don't start to cough
cfm - And my evening would then count as full.
irach - When I do take the bull by the horns
Software - The damn thing stands on my corns
Darren - But after some bellows
cfm - My misery mellows
Marc - 'til I take 'nother Gin spiked with thorns...
Marc - My carpenter hammered and screwed
cfm - He was quite the industrious dude
Darren - He made me a closet
penelope - In which I deposit
Chalky - Young Marc when he tries to be lewd :)
Phil - My mother is ninety today
Darren - So I'll sing her a song, if I may
Raak - "Knees up Mother Brown"
Pablo - And she'll then go to town
Marc - For her regular 'roll in the hay'...
Marc - On the telly I saw Doctor Phil
Raak - Who said I should take this blue pill
Darren - But I took the red
cfm - My love life is dead
irach - And the willy now lacks all its will
cfm - The firm Williams, Johnson & Dick This crowd is a v bad influence
CdM - Has taken a great deal of stick
Raak - But these upstanding men
Darren - Will, no doubt, come again
Tuj - And give all your egos a prick. MOVING ON
Pablo - A day in the country is nice
irach - A breath of fresh air for my lice
Darren - And my worms like the view
Marc - As I visit the loo
Raak - And dispose of my dodgy fried rice.
Tuj - I'm learning to trust my optician
irach - But I still have a nagging suspicion
cfm - He's paid just to flatter
Chalky - Which shouldn't much matter
Software - As I already have perfect vision
Tuj - With one of my ears on the floor
CdM - And the other one nailed to the door
cfm - I'm over-extended
Marc - Much more than intended
irach - But my ears do not ring anymore
Tuj - I think that my tongue's swelling up!
Software - I find my pint I cannot sup
cfm - But if I had a straw
Darren - Or two, three, or more
irach - I'd sip from this large china cup
Marc - One day we will run out of air
cfm - You'll inhale--and it just won't be there
Darren - And no-one will hear
Pablo - Your screaming with fear
Software - And there will be noone to care
cfm - I hope when I breathe my last breath
CdM - Of the fumes from that sweet crystal meth
irach - That I'll be in the arms
Darren - Of the great Chelsea Charms
Marc - And that she is not clearly brain death.
penelope - I hope when I drop from this coil This theme is a bit deadly, isn't it?
ImNotJohn - And I'm under six feet of soil
Raak - That someone will say
Phil - "He was great in his day"
irach - "But now he is starting to spoil"
Software - I'll be pushing up daisies one day
Marc - Until then I'll be happy and gay
Pablo - I'll dance right through life
cfm - With one not my wife [irach] LOL--great line.
Kim - Never caring what others might say
irach - I'm hoping when I kick the bucket
cfm - It will make the front page in Pawtucket
Phil - My corpse they'll cremate
In a neighbouring state
And scatter the ash in Nantucket

Apols for 3 lines - I've never done that before AFAIR, but I had an uncontrollable urge.
KagomeShuko - There once was a doddy old fool
Darren - Who fancied a swim in the pool
Raak - He made a high dive
Software - Then - heavens alive -
irach - Trunks slipped, revealed fam'ly jewel
Marc - I am stuck in this game what 'bout you?
irach - They should lock all of us in a zoo
cfm - They could then charge admission
Raak - And give no remission
Pablo - Till at least twenty minutes past two
Phil - I haven't a clue what to say
cfm - My mind's in complete disarray
Darren - I feel so confused
CdM - By words I have choosed
Software - I think I'll just go away
Raak - Four minutes and thirty-three seconds
Marc - It took to peel 43 almonds (tricky rhyming there, good luck to line 5)
Raak - Lemonds?
irach - Now her marzipan beckons
cfm - So her pastry chef reckons
CdM - Pate d'amande sera bien charmante
Desperate attempt to escape the cage with the unconventional ABA*A*B* limerick rhyming scheme.
penelope - I've broken my grandma's sledgehammer
Software - While breaking up rocks in the slammer
Pablo - She was here years ago
cfm - Her offense? I don't know
irach - Except she was a wife of Osama
cfm - The thing about being best friends
Pablo - Should be that the fun never ends
Phil - How much fun it would be
Raak - If we went out to sea
Darren - And you dove and came up with the bends
Marc - Come on, you've got nothing to lose
penelope - From walking in A. Nother's shoes
Raak - When you've walked for one mile
Software - You can pause for a while
cfm - And sing a song -- A. Nother's Blues
Marc - There once was a song 'bout a girl
irach - Who had a wild fling with an earl
cfm - Though not born to the manner or manor, if you prefer
Botherer - She checked in her planner
Pablo - To find he was down as a churl
Amazing how few rhymes there are for "girl", as I found when writing a song who's hook line ends with it. Pain in the arse for lyricists...
Mom - burl, curl, earl, hurl, kerl, merl, merle, nerl, pearl, searl, searle, shirl, sperl, sperle, swirl, twirl, whirl
cfm - and my favorite, unfurl
Marc - There once was a song 'bout a boy
Mom - Who played every day with his toy
Software - He'd first make it stand
Phil - With a flick of his hand
irach - In a way that would give him much joy
Pablo - Then after, he'd fold it away
[Mom] Perhaps I should have said useful rhymes :-)
irach - His mom would scold him, and say
cfm - "You're just so self-centered!"
Marc - "Come on, get re-entered!"
cfm - I do not care to know how this one ends, thanks.
Mom - "And finish our last Wordfeud play!" [cfm]Have you got a pervert mind?
penelope - The flowers that bloom in the spring, don't you see? Moving swiftly on - I agree with cfm, the last couple were satisfying only one or two *ahem* 'players'. And neither of them were me.
Tuj - [pen] Agreed. But that line needs shortening. Hope you don't mind if I go:
The flowers that bloom in the spring
Are saluting the birds on the wing
Raak - While the bees and the bears
irach - Are putting on airs
Giertrud - and dancing the mambo to swing.
KagomeShuko - When needing three hots and a cot
cfm - I recommend my favorite spot
Phil - On Dartmoor it's found
Marc - Right behind that black hound
Pablo - and it's ten quid up front for the lot!
Software - An inscrutable girl from Japan
irach - Went the distance with old Jackie Chan
Kim - But the man from Hong Kong
Darren - (Still wearing his thong)
Pablo - Took one look at her mother and ran
penelope - I fancy a third cup of tea
cfm - But the caffeine does not fancy me
Raak - It gives me the jitters
irach - My heart patters and pitters
Software - And worst of all, I'll have to pee
Raak - I've three hundred papers to mark
irach - Before I go hunting the Snark
Software - So I'll tick here and there
Pablo - (Which is all I can bear)
Phil - And the rest's just a shot in the dark
cfm - On Friday, my mind starts to wander
Raak - To racing my gold-plated Honda
Marc - Or a ride on my Harley ?
irach - Singin' "Work" by Bob Marley
Uncle Korky - And dressing a bit like Jane Fonda.
Software - Cross-dressing at weekends for fun
irach - Was a priest's habit, dressed as a nun
Pablo - To add to the thrill
cfm - One more layer of frill
Chalky - Transmogrification is done
Phil - We all seem to relish cross-dressing
Chalky - It's the sauce for much delicatessing
Uncle Korky - Once you've chucked on a frock
irach - You're no longer a jock
cfm - Which you'll soon come to learn is a blessing
Phil - Many good poems lately, in many locations :)
My uncle has just lost his wig
cfm - Exclaiming, "I don't give a frig!"
Chalky - He's now on his knees [Have to divulge that I'd rather hoped that Condiments may have driven the last limerick [given that cross-dressing has been done to death on these sites]. Having been gifted 'relish' and 'dressing' - 'sauce' was an obvious choice, as was 'delicatessing'. Vinaigrette, mayonnaise, aioli, mustard, chutney and ketchup, salt and pepper, etc. could have all played a part. Clearly - I was *overthinking* it. UK - you're fired :-)]
Marc - Begging, "Dear Chalky, please"
Miss Piggy - "Bend over and grunt like a pig..."
penelope - [MP] Coward. Name yourself.
So Easter was just wet and cold
Phil - [pen] Astonishingly, 'twas not I
My chocolate's all covered in mould
Pablo - And the poor Easter Bunny
Tuj - Has a nose red and runny
Uncle Korky - He's really a sight to behold!
Marc - There once was a maiden so chaste
Tuj - She thought cous-cous had too strong a taste
CdM - And as for harissa
irach - Her tongue and her kisser
Darren - Fell off, so she had them replaced
Pablo - I'm wondering what I should wear
Raak - Three-piece suit, Highland kilt, or stark bare?
irach - Birthday suits are not fancy
Marc - But, according to Nancy,
Software - There's no need to iron or pair
penelope - It's been left on the side for a week
cfm - And quite frankly, it's starting to reek
Chalky - It's time to progress
Raak - And clean up this mess
Marc - So let's finish and go take a leak...
Marc - It's Monday and morning star rise
Anna - What a bright day - now take my advise:
Pablo - Take a lungful of air
Chalky - Jug a two week's dead hare
cfm - And don ye a pirate disguise
Software - The forecast for Sunday is wet
Raak - That won't stop me -- it never has yet!
Tuj - I'll be down on the beach
Phil - Attempting to teach
Chalky - The old dog some tricks for a bet
Raak - The problem with thinking too much
Software - Is that it give one an ache in the crotch
cfm - Cos my organ for thought
Chalky - Have mind which is fraught ... what a heap of twaddle #channelingRosie
Marc - But it's positive thinking, as such...
Marc - I have never been able to dance
Phil - Do you think you could teach me, perchance?
Software - With both my left feet
Chalky - I'm willing to cheat
Pablo - And show how they do it in France
Uncle Korky - According to French legislation
Raak - Islam is an alien nation
Phil - But in banning the veil
Software - They'll let every male
Rosie - Get horny on seeing an Asian.
Phil - My legs are all twitchy today
Software - They simply will swivel and sway
Uncle Korky - I've gone weak at the knees
Ye Olde Gong Farmer - I don't think it's the fleas
Chalky - If you don't mind I'll fold them away
Pablo - [UK, R, P, S, R] Applause

I'm truly beginning to rot
Rosie - Oh golly, I've been such a clot
Uncle Korky - Trench foot has set in
irach - I act like a cretin
Reverend William Archibald Spooner - although I will vow that I'm not.
Reverend William Archibald Spooner - I'm known for mixing my words
irach - You may sample sweet coffee or turds
Software - So stor a fart
ImNotJohn - Go tick up a part
Chalky - And fly like those bautical nerds
Uncle Korky - A candle-lit dinner for two
cfm - Is a popular thing to do
Raak - So on Valentine's Day
Marc - I will ask if I may
Puckoon - "Is it washing or drying you'll do?"
Chalky - A trip to the beach might be nice
Rosie - The sun, sea and sand do entice
Software - With bucket and spade
Pablo - And a brolly for shade
Kim - Topped off with a nice strawb'ry ice
Marc - The brain ghosts I see are all green
Raak - And they all want to cut out my spleen
Rosie - Which I have been venting
cfm - With zeal unrelenting
Software - Though rarely can it be seen
Simons Mith - A phantom is haunting my lung
CdM - And now and then spooking my tongue
Chalky - It wafts through my larynx
cfm - Via my nasopharynx
Pablo - My ability to speak has gone bung
Uncle Korky - If you see a spectre abroad
Chalky - It's likely to be Our Sweet Lord
cfm - But if the spectre has horns
ImNotJohn - Then, as the day dawns,
Rosie - You'll see it's Nick Clegg - best ignored.
Chalky - [Rosie] neat ending :)
Chalky - Behold this condensed apparition
Uncle Korky - A product of dark superstition
ImNotJohn - Alive or undead
cfm - Or all in your head
Rosie - Like a thumping nocturnal emission. (Chalky) Tu es très gentille.
Chalky - Applause please - the wraith has ignited
Rosie - My interest in Scunthorpe United
Pablo - A team which just lacks
Software - Defence and attacks
Tuj - Thank goodness my love's unrequited.
* - audience applauds Tuj's finale*
HM Chief Inspector of Lines - *points out sins of omission*
Rosie - And now, on the thirteenth of June
Tuj - I wonder if it is too soon
Kim - To start Christmas shopping
Chalky - Or New Year bed hopping
cfm - Or flying my hot air balloon
Rosie - The Eurozone's future is dodgy (Chalky) Deliciously disgraceful.
Marc - As My Big Fat Greek Wedding, so podgy
Raak - The drachma and lira
CdM - May soon reappear, a
Software - Sure sign the economy's stodgy
Uncle Korky - I have some pesetas indoors
Rosie - Which Angela Merkel deplores Last one v. good esp. CdM & Softers.
Raak - "Ein Volk, Reich, und Geld!"
Pablo - She recently yelled
Chalky - And on cue - Georgios Samaras scores - ... they still lost 2 - 4 though :(
Marc - Last night as I shaved my left armpit
Chalky - The razor was causing me harm - shit! ... rising to the challenge
Pablo - As it scraped of the hairs
Rosie - And with them my cares
Software - I took a large nick from my tit! coat!
Chalky - Softers - would've been even better as 'darn tit'
penelope - [Chalks] You can't get a man to curse a boob - they love them too much.
It's green eggs and ham every day
Uncle Korky - Or it would be - if Seuss had his way!
nights - His prandial obsession
Pablo - Drives one to depression
irach - And it ain't even kosher, oy, vey!
cfm - Sliced thin, on rye, with brown mustard
Uncle Korky - Or served with fish fingers and custard
Marc - Whenever it's served
Software - It's still quite absurd
Raak - Not to savour a plump baby bustard.
Phil - Thai chicken and lemongrass soup
Software - A melon - a nice cantaloupe
Rosie - No, give me baked beans
Uncle Korky - (And you know what that means!)
cfm - We're back in the flatulence loop
Pablo - I'll settle for boeuf a la croute
Simons Mith - Served up in a black leather boot
cfm - Cooked rare, by a wench
Software - That I'd like to clench
Uncle Korky - Resplendent in her birthday suit.
irach - Kofta curry and pork vindaloo
Simons Mith - Are the height of cuisine – in my view
penelope - But then, I am fond
Raak - Of a good Sussex Pond
Software - And the minds of Essex girls too
Phil - [Raak] Ooooh, I haven't cooked one in ages. Time for a revival I think :)
Marc - We eat and we drink - pee and shit
Raak - Then we do it again -- is that it?
SImons Mith - Well, also, there's work
cfm - And the ultimate perk
Rosie - Reproduction - that helps a bit.
Software - While sipping my coffee-to-go
Pablo - I got stuck in ten feet of pure snow
Rosie - But, when cometh the spring
irach - Caffeine gave me a zing
Marc - And already I've started to glow
Marc - I’ll switch to the gill- and the fin-mode
Justine - 'cause we've water all over our main road
Rosie - The Met Office says
Software - It's raining for days
Pablo - So my hair-drier's hit "overload"
Uncle Korky - My strimmer has broken - alas!
Marc - Please borrow my strummer, it's world class!
Rosie - It does make a racket
Software - 'Tho' it cost me a packet
Pablo - And the one thing it baulks at is grass.
Rosie - I'm struggling to find any meaning
Marc - With offering Free Window Cleaning
Software - To some it's quite clear
Raak - It's because you can peer
Pablo - up the nethers of anyone leaning.
Phil - There once was an elderly goat
Rosie - Who'd spawned several offspring of note
Raak - The Grand Druid of Wales
Marc - Often ran off the rails
James Jones - Then got stoned and sowed out his wild oat...
Marc - There once were five spicy girls singing
Uncle Korky - But now they sound flat and look minging
Raak - If Take That re-formed
Software - Then let us be warned
Pablo - Alarm bells should be set ringing
Marc - There once was a Samurai hero
irach - Whose score in swordfighting was zero
Kim - Though lacking in skill
gil - He managed to kill
Rosie - Both Lulu and Helen Shapiro. Bastard!
Software - There once was a girl that could sing
Pablo - (or so she once thought) anything
Kim - But once on the "X"
Rosie - She lowered her kecks
irach - And sang "Desert Song" a la Sting
Pablo - The thing about artisan bread
Rosie - Is its guaranteed freedom from lead
Marc - Instead you will find
penelope - That it makes you go blind
Software - So I'll eat Hovis® instead
Marc - A vacation that is what we need
Pablo - To drink beer, and cider, and mead
Software - Relax by the pool
penelope - Eating gooseberry fool
cfm - Did anyone bring any weed?
cfm - I woke today with a sore throat
Raak - So I chewed on a piece of fried stoat
Software - And to my surprise
irach - I've a three octave rise
Pablo - In a ditty I sing with my goat
cfm - This soup, with its noodles and chicken
penelope - Is good for the ill and flu-stricken
Software - And even, some say
Uncle Korky - Keeps the lurgi at bay
Marc - In need though of Rum to un-thicken
cfm - When treating a bronchial infection
gil - You'd better obey this direction
irach - To draw out the phlegm
Software - Just shout out "A-hem!"
Rosie - And prepare for social rejection.
cfm - When drawing your last living breath
Raak - Here's what you can do to cheat death
irach - Grab the Grim Reaper's scythe
Rosie - With a gesture most blithe
Phil - Shouting, "Is this a knife?", like Macbeth
penelope - If you can't tell a knife from a spoon
Pablo - You'll get classified as a loon
Raak - So just use a fork
cfm - When screwing a cork
Software - And, yes, you are a buffoon
cfm - I uncorked a cru Beaujolais
Phil - With a vigneron from Régnié
Software - But in getting my glass
Rosie - I fell on my arse reveal
Giertrud - So I guess I won't drink it today.
Software - Down at the pub when I ordered my beer [M Rosé] c'est un petit point contesté, peut être.
Kim - [Software] By no stretch of poetic license does that scan into a limerick. I suggest:
Software - Down the pub when I ordered my beer
Raak - The barman said, "Be of good cheer!"
cfm - You're mighty good lookin'
Pablo - You do really good cookin'
Giertrud - So just maybe you should work here!
Rosie - Who in their right mind would say
Software - That duckin' an' divin' don't pay
Phil - For evading the law
Pablo - (as a thug, thief or whore)
Marc - (not to mention the great CIA...)
Marc - I've invented a new kind of chair
cfm - It seats both you and your confrere
Raak - Your discreet tête-a-tête
Botherer - Might make you be late
Scansion Police - Hello, hello, hello. What's goin'on 'ere, then?
Giertrud - Because you can't go anywhere.
Botherer - [Scansion Police] I read cfm's line as " it suits both you and your confrere." Sort of fits.
Rosie - My village is threatened with Lidl
Phil - Let's hope the development bid'll
Software - Fall foul of the planners
Raak - Or else protest banners
gil - Will foil the town councillors' fiddle
Pablo - Next week on the old village green
Software - Is the festival of the obscene
Raak - We'll all go sheep-tupping
cfm - Unless we're one-upping
Marc - Then we'll shout: Hello Wean - you're so mean!"
Marc - Hello Wean, I have heard you've been here,"
Phil - reveal
Is the phrase that we don't want to hear
Software - Because of the hype
James - And our pumpkins are ripe
Wean - Understood, then it's time to disappear.
Rosie - We end up being eaten by worms
Phil - (It's in the conditions and terms)
penelope - If the deal's terminated
Raak - With the worms left unsated
Marc - We're reborn as a bunch of mean germs.
Phil - I can't help but think that that my wife
Software - Is going to cause me more more strife :o)
Kim - Her insatiable needs
Raak - For thick Harris Tweeds
Pablo - Have virtually killed our sex life
Software - Tomorrow I vow that I will
Rosie - Tell Starbucks their product is swill
CdM - And then let's all partay
Raak - With mugs of real lahtay
cfm - And stick Howard Schultz with the bill
Marc - For those really hard to reach places
Software - And other quite difficult cases
Pablo - Try this handy new cleaner
Phil - Her name is Georgina
Rosie - Employed on a no clean, no shag basis.
Pablo - If out to eliminate bacteria
Raak - You need to eschew all hysteria
Software - Calmly use bleach
penelope - On every and each
And then your milieu will be clearier
sorry sorry sorry
Phil - [pen] fair enough :-)
In London it's raining today
Software - Elsewhere it's flooding they say
penelope - But I haven't seen yet
Pablo - A great spouting jet Surprised the word "posterior" didn't come up in that last one ;-)
Marc - Like the one at Trafalgar Square Bay...
Raak - I eat a durian each day
Marc - And I get them for free, do not pay
cfm - And while they are stinky
Rosie - Like my wee willie-winky
Software - They increase your libido, so-say
Marc - Some lines are real close to perfection
Juxtapose - I've written one for your inspection
penelope - And if you look here
Software - To get a good steer
Pablo - There's a clue to their mode of erection
Raak - In a market in old Timbuctu
Marc - An old friend I by chance bumped into
CdM - And since we were two
Phil - We knocked up a stew
Software - Of camel and goat and mantu
cfm - In a hotel in snowy Siberia
Software - Where the rooms and the beds are inferior
Rosie - To those in Bulgaria
penelope - Where the toilets are airier oblig.
Marc - Your breakfast is free from bacteria... (...they've frozen to death...)
irach - In a tuk tuk in wet Kalimpong
cfm - You can go right -- or you can go wrong
Marc - Sometimes up - sometimes down
Raak - And in some parts of town
Pablo - Get whatever you like for a song
Marc - Now soon a new year will arrive
Rosie - It divides by three but not five
irach - Sum up its digits - that's six
Software - Then put them into the mix
Phil - What pleasure from sums we derive!
reveal
penelope - With unbroken sunshine today After two weeks of time off work - and rain every day
Software - I'm going to come out and play
Raak - Work can wait till next week
Rosie - Meanwhile let us seek
Kim - Many reasons to laugh and be gay ...in honour of Softers' coming out.
Software - I sing 'cos I'm glad to be gay playing along
Rosie - And a friend of the late Ronnie Kray
Marc - Through the songs that I sing
Raak - Haven't brought me much bling
cfm - I did meet Sinatra one day!
Pablo - Next week I'll be joining a band
Kim - Of barbarians, roaming the land
Rosie - 'Cos I've signed for Port Vale
penelope - (I'm told they serve ale)
Software - But their football is a bit bland
Marc - Next year is the Year of the Snake
Software - I'll hit the dammed thing with my rake
cfm - Before I'll let it crawl
Rosie - Up my lavat'ry wall (Softers) Were you thinking of reveal?
Eve - And admit that it was my mistake....
Marc - In Eden the apples are ripe
Rosie - And of aphrodisiac type
cfm - So I baked a nice pie
Raak - For my hubby to try
penelope - But the proof of the pudding is hype
Chalky - 'Hail fellow! Well met!' said the pastor
Rosie - (Of true bonhomie he's the master)
Software - With a wink and a grin
penelope - He absolved me of sin
Phil - Confession just got somewhat faster!
Raak - On the first day of Februar-ee
CdM - Thirty eight things my love gave to me: [C,R,S,p,P] Nice.
cfm - One was a jewel
Botherer - And one was a tool
Rosie - Which he inserted delicat-lee.
cfm - American football's confusing
CdM - Or possibly downright bemusing
Rosie - Most don't touch the ball
Marc - Though players are tall
Simons Mith - Superb owls are much more amusing
Marc - She is wise as an owl I've been told
Software - Her knowledge is quite manifold
Simons Mith - On the subject of voles
penelope - She impresses the proles
Rosie - Though that's hardly one of her goals.
penelope - When Richard the third called for 'horse' something topical for a change
cfm - 'Twas past time to bargain, of course
CdM - You can't use a nation
Software - For experimentation
Rosie - Though many do so, and by force.
CdM - I'd like to replace "experimentation" with "negotiation" in that last limerick. :-)
They're preparing for this year's Grand Prix
Marc - We'll be fighting on land and at sea
Pablo - From Le Mans to Dubai
Chalky - Yeongam and Shanghai
Rosie - And what's left of the old Aral Sea.
cfm - Oscar, my dear, your red rug
Rosie - Is home to many a bug
Software - Tho' to you it is cosy
Phil - It's hellish for Rosie
penelope - Who itches and cannot get snug.
Rosie - The slanderous comments above
cfm - And the full implications thereof
CdM - Are herewith rescinded
Chalky - In manner long-winded
Marc - Devoted to brother and sisterly love...!
Marc - The Conclave's elected Pope Mary,
penelope - Who plans to be Jesus's fairy
Software - A pontiff with wings
cfm - Who can do magic things
Pablo - But the giveaway is - she's so hairy
Pablo - Bugger - insert quotation marks around "she's" if you would
Kim - The puff of white smoke tells us all
penelope - That the popemobile's just hit the wall
Marc - But look out, now it's black! (...the smoke of course...)
Pablo - Is Benedict back?
CdM - Or a reincarnated John-Paul?
: -
Chalky - When tales are retold you will know
Phil - That the heroes of long, long ago
Pablo - Committed great deeds
Software - While riding their steeds
Marc - Yelling "Woe-Hi-Di-Hi-Hi-Di-Hoe!"
Marc - In the Alps they are yod'ling a lot,
Kim - While their cheese gently boils in the pot
Chalky - Such stereotyping
Phil - And Franco-Swiss griping
Pablo - Is likely to get someone shot
Rosie - Italians, in gen'ral, are charming
CdM - Their generals, though, are alarming
Raak - Their finances are scary
Marc - Signoras faces so hairy
penelope - Which is why generals find them disarming
Pablo - But the Greeks are, truth to tell,
Chalky - Descendants of heaven and hell .. a tad short on footage Pablo but think we can make it work ...
Rosie - Just now it's the latter (Chalks) 'E fough' itza peon-unny recipe, dinny?
cfm - Though only a matter
Software - That Cyprus will go down as well
Chalky - A Monegasque makes a fine friend
Rosie - With big pots of money to lend
kagomeshuko - He dresses in green
Giertrud - And bows to the queen
Pablo - So you'll see where it's all going to end!
Marc - Are you ready to start your new life?
Rosie - As side-kick to old Mack the Knife
Software - But as opera's go
Quendalon - This threepenny show
kagomeshuko - Is more suited for somebody's wife.
kagomeshuko - Sorry, for got the line break!
Chalky - I chanced upon Lady Godiva
NotJohn - Who said; "If you'll give me a fiver,
Phil - I'll cut off my hair
Knobbly - But I hope you're aware
Pablo - on a horse, I'm not such a good driver.
Quendalon - At luncheon with old Friar Tuck
Phil - We dined on a stew of braised duck
cfm - We saved the skimmed fat
Rosie - To give to the cat
Simons Mith - And using the catflap, she stuck!
Chalky - Thenceforth to Maid Marian's for tea [last line .. worth the wait. Nice one SM]
NotJohn - A generous hostess is she
Simons Mith - A Battenburg cake
Phil - (The marzipan's fake!)
Quendalon - Goes well with a glass of Chablis
Pablo - In the pub with my friend Little John
Phil - I thought 'What the hell's going on?'
NotJohn - For he'd got out his staff
cfm - And then just for a laugh
Rosie - He poked it up my sit-upon.
Phil - Lovely!
Chalky - Will Scarlett's a rum sort of fellow [PPNcR] Heehehehehehe
Phil - "Come chase me!", he's oft-heard to bellow.
NotJohn - Then he shins up a tree
Raak - And cries, "Come, follow me!"
Software - But sadly they're all far too yellow
Quendalon - At the wedding of Alan-a-Dale
Raak - The couple wore matching chain mail
penelope - Her chastity belt
Could hardly be felt
And his, back-to-front, had a tail.
I can hardly believe I wrote that. Inexcusable
Chalky - [pen] I can. Excusable. Funny
Chalky - The green-fingered Sherriff of Nottingham
Phil - Grew cannabis plants, and was potting 'em [pen] Digusting! I hardly know where to put myself. Somewhat like Alan-a-Dale, it seems!
Software - When in burst the cops
Pablo - And said "Are these hops?"
Rosie - He said "Yes, well done for spotting 'em." (Ladies) Can't have too much femfilth.
Chalky - Sir Guy of Gisbourne gets quite cross
Quendalon - When you stand in the way of his hoss
Raak - "Begone, varlet!" he'll shout
Software - "Lest I give thee a clout"
Marc - "And into my dungeons you toss."
Marc - Now Robin, that man with the hood
Phil - Claimed his motives were thoroughly good
Raak - Steal from rich, give to poor
Software - (Unlike Osborne and more)
Chalky - Then make merry with maids in the wood.
Kim - And as for that wicked King John
Marc - Who thought that the battle he'd won
Chalky - Would earn him respect
Pablo - Instead, he got decked
Quendalon - So the limerick game could go on
Rosie - In trying to unscramble an egg
Simons Mith - I soon spent an arm and a leg [Quen] Liked that - good finish!
Chalky - My marbles got lost
Pablo - My salad got tossed
Marc - And I noticed you'd emptied my keg ...
Marc - Though she knew he was called Jack the Ripper
Phil - And she'd heard what he did to young Pippa
Chalky - She couldn't resist
Software - A hazardous tryst
Pablo - So thank God he got stuck in his zipper
Phil - [M, C, S and P] Nicely done, if I say so myself. Let's crack open some pre-war ginger beer!
penelope - This bottle of old ginger beer why not?
Phil - Was brewed on the banks of the Wear
Kim - In nineteen-oh-two
Chalky - In a stevedore's shoe
No wonder it tastes rather queer
*flees*
Rosie - The worst thing to say to a Swede
Pablo - Is to ask him: "Just how do you breed?"
Kim - His reply, you will see
Software - Just between you and me
Phil - Involves ABBA and herrings. And mead!
Phil - The sunburn that glows on my neck
Software - Will keep my libido in check
Pablo - And apart from the spots
Marc - That I've got by the lots
Rosie - There's the fact I'm a banking exec.
CdM - But really, the public should thank us
Chalky - We are, after all, quite high rankers
penelope - And we haven't, quite yet
Giertrud - learned the alphabet
kagomeshuko - but we're primo at being bankers!
Chalky - This first line should set us alight
penelope - Make us shiver, if we've done it right
Rosie - And further additions
Software - or even omissions
Raak - Well made, yield the greatest delight.
Kim - Rise up, all you left-handed folks!
Marc - And publish your best rated jokes
Rosie - But say nothing sinister
cfm - Or I'll call your minister
Pablo - And believe me, that threat is no hoax.
kagomeshuko - A monk and a rabbi ate dinner
Giertrud - of kerosene and of paint thinner
Rosie - This combustible fare
cfm - Consumed on a dare
kagomeshuko - Made one nor the other a winner.
penelope - Nice finish, Kagje.
A day full of procrastination
Tuj - May contain brief bouts of fascination
Rosie - F'rinstance with clips
Software - Of wiggly hips
Pablo - Or else some discombobulation wipes brow
Giertrud - A chihuahua and terrier cross
KagomeShuko - Decided that he was the boss
Phil - So the dachshund got fired
cfm - The golden retired
Chalky - And the rest ... ? Not one gives a toss.
Quendalon - There once was a cat from Andorra
penelope - Whose whiskers grew morer and morer
Phil - Till this Pyrenees mog
Rosie - (Real name Quentin Hogg)
Pablo - Belted her one - she got sorer
Chalky - When Mitzi took umbrage, she aimed .. u s a perhaps? ..
Phil - Through her sights at the one man she blamed
Raak - His scathing reviews
Marc - Was not ment to amuse
KagomeShuko - But some other fellow got framed.
Rosie - Never admit you're from Chatham
Phil - In New Hampshire, the same goes for Stratham
Raak - But if you're from Bath
Pablo - Yer good for a larf
KagomeShuko - When it started to rain in Bath
Phil - Ummm, shall we finish the previous Limerick first?
Never admit you're from Chatham
In New Hampshire, the same goes for Stratham
But if you're from Bath
Yer good for a larf
Unlike Strasbourg (once Argentoratum)

When it started to rain in Bath
Raak - I outgrabe like a mome rath
Tuj - But my feeling of whimsy
CdM - Was fleeting and flimsy forcing attempt denied
irach - As I fled from the borogove path
Chalky - I once lunched in Stow-on-the-Wold
Phil - My starter was greasy and cold
Pablo - The main course inedible
Software - The bill was incredible
KagomeShuko - And the walls were all covered in mold. Sorry about that not finishing last time. I guess one should not play when one is extremely tired, even if for odd reasons, one cannot sleep.
nights - I once gave a farmer a lift [Phil] I am insulted! The Strasbourgeois are lots of fun!
Rosie - He just had some garlic, and whiffed
Chalky - I deployed my ejector
Phil - To a vertical vector [nights] I'm sure they are, given the quantity of beer brewed there. I was simply struggling for a rhyme :-)
Marc - Then launched into orbit quite swift…
Marc - Tomorrow the Moon will return
Software - From its weekend out with Saturn
nights - While the moon was away Excuses, excuses... :)
KagomeShuko - The earth did decay
Projoy - So perhaps it is best to adjourn?
Rosie - There's nothing as fast as a cheetah
Chalky - So says my feline speed-o-meter
Quendalon - But if you want slow
Pablo - (So slow it don't show) internal rhyme alert...
Raak - Watch lichen — a sloth record-beater.
penelope - Today, I am dyeing. It's black... (re-dying faded black clothes black)
Raak - As a glass of black mild Nutty Slack
Rosie - Its minute albedo
gil - Is just right for sado- ...that was a tricky one, Rosie.
Marc - -lin, Matching my nice Chapeau Claque.
Rosie - (gil) Yeah, a bit clever-clever, but there's speedo, libido, paedo, lido, credo, Toledo.
KagomeShuko - All my clothes have been eating by moths
penelope - And my shoes have been slothing by sloths Making a feature out of the quirk of KS's line
Kim - And as for my hats
Raak - They're all nested by bats
Software - So they think I've been haunting by Goths
Marc - We are what we eat we have heard
penelope - So I'm mostly tomatoes and curd
Phil - And I'm a nice curry
Software - I eat in a hurry
cfm - And for me, olives are the last word
Quendalon - The practice of oenomancy
Giertrud - Is one that the Romans did fancy
Chalky - By sharing a cask
Raak - An enquirer could ask
cfm - Which actions were safe and which chancy
Giertrud - A strapping young fellow named Clancy
Chalky - When working the clubs was called Nancy
Marc - He strapped while she stripped
KagomeShuko - And flopped while he flipped
Pablo - For the clients who all took his fancy
Chalky - That all-soft'ning o'erpowering knell
Rosie - Means you're on a journey to Hell Not you, m'dear.
Software - Slip into the mire
Raak - To a fate that is dire
Marc - And our trip down the hill ´s going swell.
Marc - There's a gap in my force-field of love
Raak - Through which demons and succubi shove
Phil - It's a worm-hole of lust
Rosie - And romance turns to dust
KagomeShuko - Which flies to the clouds up above.
Chalky - This journey could go on forever
CdM - And is surely not worth the endeavor
Rosie - For when we arrive
Raak - From a very long drive
Software - There's been a change in the weather
Pablo - There's a feeling - or is it just me? -
Phil - That this verse will stop dead at line three
Chalky - I'm not one to doubt.








Tuj - If I reincarnate as a puffin
Rosie - I'll mulishly call myself Muffin
Raak - On the island of Lundy
Software - My partner and me
Botherer - Will nest-build from navels with fluff in.
Marc - We have heard that the winner takes all [T, R, R, S, B]Excellent, free drinks tonight!
penelope - But don't fret should the wealth start to gall
Pablo - Cash can't bring you joy
Chalky - Unless you're called Roy
Software - But it's better than bugg*r all
Chalky - [Softers] If I may be so bold - you are significantly short-syllabled and arrhythmic in both your last entries .. thought you'd sussed this game by now ;-)
Inner lining -
Marc - The Scansion-class this Fall semester
Software - Will be taken by the head jester [Chalks] I disagree, it does work.
Raak - The Rhymer's a clown
Phil - The jester will frown
Rosie - At the way that these matters obsessed her. reveal
Jestess - All our efforts to set the bar higher [Softers] Hope we can agree to disagree. ;-)
penelope - have us jumping from skillet to fire
Rosie - Where we are consumed (Funny Girl) You're right. I'll have a word with him next time he's over.
Software - All pedants presumed [Chalks] Naturally :o)
Marc - Class dismissed and now also ceasefire.
Pablo - Debate is a most healthy thing
Kim - At the Darby and Joan Club in Tring
Phil - It helps them stay young
Marc - And grease up their tongue
Software - So with their friends they can swing
Rosie - In Somerset, Dorset and Devon
penelope - They're always in bed by eleven
Software - But the people of Hants
cfm - Are just putting on pants
Phil - And they won't be back home until seven
penelope - In the flat agricultural east
Rosie - All cult'ral activity has ceased
Raak - The turnips are ready
Marc - So tasty but thready
Pablo - Fit neither for man nor for beast
Phil - So The Ashes will grind to an end
Software - With rain being England's best friend
Chalky - And Broady and Swann
Tuj - Turn their sprinklers on
Chalky - As they've more than a penny to spend No takers all week? Ah well.
Rosie - While spending an evening in Kettering (Chalky) We can lose with grace, but not win.
Chalky - Perfecting my copperplate lettering
Software - I blotted my book
Pablo - (As the locals say,"fook!")
penelope - Putting paid to my hopes for its bettering.
Phil - My computer has not crashed today
Software - Unusual for Windows®, they say
Rosie - And although I'm pleased
penelope - I know if I sneezed
Marc - My screen would collapse and turn grey...
Marc - Good morning all poets it's time
Phil - To celebrate autumn in rhyme
penelope - Write of 'mellow' and 'fruit'
Rosie - And rabbits to shoot
Software - With apples to pick in their prime
Pablo - But what do you say of the rain?
Rosie - Well, it's wet and it goes down the drain
penelope - It hangs out in pools I thought 'puddles' would be too hard to rhyme. You're welcome
Phil - And obeys fluid rules
Raak - Before long it will come back again.
Software - The rain in Spain, so they say
Raak - Mainly falls on the plain every day
Rosie - But the Sierra Nevada Some very dubious climatology here.
Chalky - (the one in Granada)
Pablo - Is fine all year round, so "Olé!"
Kim - While enjoying a Café au Lait
Phil - I was asked, "Are you well?". I said "Très!"
penelope - Mais le cuillère est bent
Chalky - Et la tasse 'as une dent - just googled le cuillère to check my schoolgirl french. Ooh la kama sutra la!
Rosie - Mais le goût, je vous dis, est OK.
Chalky - *applauds*
Phil - *Applauds the limerick; winces at the Franglais*
penelope - [Phil] Then I reckon we need more practice...
Aujourd 'hui, le naming de parts
Pablo - comme les fruits pour le making of tarts
Phil - Will commence avec plum
Software - Bien sur, mon ol' chum
Chalky - Mais ils font tous nos dents plutôt schwartz Aha! See what I did there.
Simons Mith - Demain machen wir ein gateau
Rosie - Mor drwm â'r Tibetan Plateau (Welsh) "as heavy as the".
Software - Ik heb een gros pain
Marc - Horror vacui my brain
Phil - Und el pastel est dans my zapato
Marc - Enough now let's get back to work
Chalky - Said the dull-witted jobsworth from Chirk
Rosie - Then off went th'alarm My Dad's from near Chirk.
Software - At 5 on the farm
Pablo - So he got himself up with a jerk
Kim - The jerk I got up with today
Pablo - Is not worth the money I pay
Giertrud - He costs seventeen pence
Rosie - I must have no sense
Software - I hope he'll just go away
Rosie - The mocking the trainspotter suffers
Software - In anorak stood by the buffers
Marc - The trains passing by
Phil - See the young 'spotter cry
Pablo - "What's 'Get a life!' mean, you duffers?"
Chalky - Young Pablo just timed to perfection
Rosie - His disdain for social rejection
Phil - He avoided a snub
Software - But this is the rub
Marc - And we offer him full time protection.
Software - Today I think I will shuffle
Pablo - My coats - both trench and duffle [Chalky] young???
Phil - - graze the floor as I walk
penelope - And muffle my talk
Marc - And fill my big mouth with fine truffle.
Raak - Glanting rain and sprale winds are forecàst
Chalky - In Zeroia the land of my past
Phil - Where spallion fields grow
Pablo - Fine cronx in the snow
Marc - And my abras are blooming at last.
Marc - Her knickers were bloomy and pink
Phil - I smiled, she laughed with a wink.
Software - And as she bent down
penelope - A fart rent her gown
irach - And that's what's done drove me to drink
Marc - Campari, Pernod, Gin and Whisky
Software - All in a pint glass rather risky
Raak - Add a few whites of eggs
penelope - To stiffen the dregs
Pablo - Scoff it down, and feel rather frisky
Chalky - Your challenge this Tuesday is thus:
penelope - Take a flock of wild geese on the bus.
Kim - When you reach Euston Square
Phil - Disembark with a pair
Rosie - As the others quack "What about us?" bugger me, talking geese.
KagomeShuko - The students in British Lit
penelope - Should study the format a bit! K-S - you're a syllable short, m'dear!!
Pablo - The syntax and grammar
Phil - Cause newbies to stammer
Chalky - Plus most think that Shakespeare is shit.
Simons Mith - There once was a Viking called Jeff
Marc - Who chiselled the first letter F
Chalky - When faced with the second
Phil - Distraction soon beckoned
KagomeShuko - And instead of Jeff, he was Jef. reveal
Simons Mith - An orthodox rabbi called Skuld
Juxtapose - Discovered his cocoa had cooled
Raak - He said to Verðandi
Marc - Your blowtorch comes handy
KagomeShuko - But it's strange that it is bejeweled.
Chalky - Your challenge this Tuesday is this:
Raak - To be pleasant to your little sis
Software - But as for your brother
Phil - Your father and mother,
Kim - Just carry on taking the piss.
Juxtapose - There once was a man from the States
Chalky - Named Billy - but he had No Mates
Marc - Except for Tim Nice
irach - And Leontyne Price
Pablo - Which kind of restricted his dates
Simons Mith - A tale of forbidden papayas It was the idea of a restricted date that got me thinking on these lines
Raak - And lovers in heat on the playas
KagomeShuko - Gave way to the sun
Juxtapose - Which ruined the fun
Rosie - This UV is just sent to try us.
Chalky - Your challenge this Tuesday is risky
Phil - To make it to lunch without whisky
Pablo - And restrain your desires
penelope - To start small office fires
Raak - And entice the young temps to be frisky.
Juxtapose - On Wednesday the sun will go nova
Rosie - We'll be done to a crisp; it's Game Over
Phil - So let's party all week
Chalky - Give our fun cells a tweak
Software - And spend the final few moments in clover
Raak - My teeth are all falling apart They are.
Rosie - They're going to hell in a cart
Pablo - So chewing's a chore
Kim - And biting's a bore
cfm - It sucks being such an old fart
Elizabeth - Being a New-comer, I am always seeking online for articles that could assist me. Many thanks! %KW% Elizabeth http://adw7.ru/user/izlxybtidbt/
Inner lining -
Marc - There once was a most thankful Russian
Raak - Whose life was once saved by a Prussian
cfm - But along came a Spaniard
Rosie - In a style most maññered
Chalky - And Olé! El Ruso was blushin'.
Raak - Sir Cornelis Maartenszoon Tromp
Marc - Was the first to cross Zuiderzee Swamp
Pablo - But his dugout canoe
Kim - Sprang a leak, maybe two
Rosie - But he got there and arrived in some pomp. well, with a name like that....
Pablo - I've discovered a whizzo new game
Phil - I just need to think up a name
Juxtapose - There's only one rule:
Marc - You must play like a fool,
Raak - And never make two moves the same.
Marc - I suggest that we start with this line,
Raak - "There was an old man of Loch Fyne"
Simons Mith - And then for the second,
Juxtapose - A rhyme which is reckoned
Giertrud - Would be absolutely divine!
Phil - The Doctor's re-written the past
cfm - And Who else but he could recast
Marc - But the Great Originator
Mom - Or the grim terminator
Pablo - (We're desperate to make this series last)
Marc - There once was a cool desperado
Rosie - Who claimed t'have written The Mikado
Kim - On the opening night [Rosie] I'd have put the "'t" next to Mikado
Ann - He just started to fight
Phil - With a G & S afficionado
Rosie - (Kim) I had no particular reason to imply boreality. Isn't this sound really just a glottal stop attached t'' previous word? You can't really alter title o'' work. There ought to be a symbol for it.
Software - Christmas is upon us
penelope - 'Oh no it's not!' we shout Oh no it's not.
penelope - oh poop. I've glow-wormed rather than limericked. Ignore my post.
Raak - "'Tis! 'tis!" responds the chorus It was glow-wormed from the start
Moniker -
Software - Now Christmas is soon upon us
Penelope - 'Oh no it is not!' what's the fuss
Raak - "'Tis! 'tis!" all in chorus
Santa - My brains may be porous
Moniker - I refuse these five lines to discuss.

Phil - Or:
Christmas is upon us
"Oh no it's not!" we shout
"'Tis! 'tis!" responds the chorus
So that all came to nowt

Marc - There once was a Limerick class,
Chalky - For the bad rhyme and rhythm dumbass
Kim - When it came to the test
Phil - They duly confessed
Pablo - 'Twas unlikely their scansion would pass
Rosie - Inspired by the moon, as I am
Pablo - To snort and to rut like a ram
penelope - On this cloudy night
Phil - I gave Boris a fright
Giertrud - And stole his tart filled with yam. reveal
Marc - Today is the day when it's done
penelope - I've dared be tattooed with a pun
Software - This indelible mark
Raak - Is a jolly good lark
Chalky - And a tribute to my only sun
KagomeShuko - Jacob the Third from Dunlevy
Pablo - Drove round the block in his Chevvy
Juxtapose - His miles-per-gallon
penelope - But the rhymes that he chose were not clevvy Dunlevy? Chevy? Purlease!!! *repeats rant about poor rhyming and scansion from MCiOS*
Raak - [pen] It's enough to make one go out on a bevvy.
Rosie - (Raak) I need little persuasion.
There's a man outside with a beard
Marc - And a cap with three bobbles so weird
Phil - He says he's from Spain
Software - And arrived on the train
Raak - And he'll stay till the weather has cleared.
Stevie - [pen]reveal
Phil - My brother is sporting a hat
Rosie - In which he just looks a twat (Phil) I'm sure he's not.
Stevie - With his knob-ended cane
Raak - And arched eyebrow so vain
Marc - He looks smart but is still the same brat.
Marc - My cuckoo clock seem to be hatching
penelope - A plot for a plague that's so catching
Raak - The mould in its thatch
Phil - Is almost a match
Chalky - For the lepidote nose you've been scratching.
Raak - [Chalky] Thank you for the new word I have learned today.
The lexicographical treasures
Marc - Onomatopoetical pleasures
CdM - Neological joys
penelope - Of semantical toys
Phil - To be found in thrasonical measures.
Raak - Let us dabble and stolch in the wood
Software - And not do the things that we should
Pablo - Let us shout, run and laugh
CdM - With the riff and the raff
Robin Hood - Rob the poor - let's get rich, understood...?
Marc - I wonder who's kissing her now?
Rosie - Probably death - poor cow.
All - And also who's teaching her how
Juxtapose - To make our rhyme scheme more lowbrow
Scansion police - There once was a withered old rose
Whose weak mind was set writing prose
And the non-scanning lines
Gave no points only fines
And the reason for this no one knows…

Marc - I still wonder but will never know
Giertrud - Just where did my other sock go?
Rosie - It's gone - it's a myst'ry
Juxtapose - That stocking is hist'ry oblig.
Software - I'll wear odd'uns - d'yer think it'll show?
Pablo - There's just enough time left I think
Raak - 'Fore the cosmic heat-death, for a drink
Phil - A cocktail perhaps?
Kim - Or a sherry? Or schnapps?
Marc - Or maybe champagne that is pink?
Marc - "I am not one of those" - said miss Lola
Rosie - "Who drinks all that much Coca-Cola"
KagomeShuko - "I much prefer Sprite"
Juxtapose - she said, "though I might
Projoy - give a miss to that batch marked 'Ebola'"
Rosie - (Projoy) Too late; it's gone viral.
Phil - What Stevie said. I spent half an hour last night trying to thing of a 5th line. Perfect!
I really must try having sex
Marc - With a new miss - I don't miss my ex
Mrs. X - Come and take me tonight?
Raak - While my bloke's out of sight?
Rosie - Sorry, I'm rat-arsed on Becks.
Marc - The inmate in cell number six
Rosie - Has some rather strange facial tics
penelope - His lack of straight face
Pablo - Ensures him a place
KagomeShuko - With many famed physical comics.
Phil - Really?
I play bass guitar in a band
Marc - And I'm using both left and right hand
Rosie - Which one does what
Pablo - Is not easy to spot
Kim - I'm the fastest jazzman in the land!

[Phil] I also play bass in a band.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvkZSm68JLE&feature=youtu.be
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOLmX3PBHS0
Phil - [Kim] I don't. I don't even play bass, but I do have a valid poetic licence :-)
Marc - One day I was drunk and I sang
Software - But the words got mixed up with slang
Phil - I cursed and I swore
Raak - And I said, "Ruddigore!"
Pablo - And what is much worse, cried "Fertang!!!!!"
KagomeShuko - Three dogs, a goat, and a bird
penelope - In a curry; we are not inured
Chalky - Let's all dine elsewhere
Raak - On a hamster eclair
Marc - That's preferably shaven - not furred.
Marc - If we are what we eat I'm an ox
penelope - That has lived in a small cardboard box
Simons Mith - Been steeped well in beer
Rosie - And thus of good cheer
Phil - While I am a bagel and lox
penelope - I'm sorry, I can't hold your coat
Pablo - I'm trying to de-worm the goat
Raak - If you hold it for me
Marc - Making sure it won't pee
penelope - I can shove the pill right down its throat "I'll see what I can do, Mr 'erriot"
Software - Today there is wind, rain and flood
Marc - And tomorrow brings storm, hail and mud
Raak - The day after, thick snow
Rosie - With a strong Arctic blow It ain't gonna happen, folks.
Kim - The year (well, thus far) is a dud
Chalky - It pains me to point out the truth
Raak - But you're getting quite long in the tooth
CdM - If I might be so bold
Pablo - You're quite startlingly old
Rosie - But no longer the once-uncouth youth. forsooth
Marc - I won't tell you a secret I know
Juxtapose - Instead, watch this pantomime show
Phil - The clue's in the name
penelope - Of the bellowing dame
Chalky - But the answer lies deep down below
CdM - A logician, a priest, and a Scot
Raak - Was the Reverend Hamish McStott
Phil - A writer and thinker
Marc - And moderate drinker
Chalky - Yet best known for his huge you-know-what
Rosie - Now what is this thing that's so big?
penelope - Because bragging is so infra dig
Pablo - An item of dress?
Marc - Or a way to impress?
Software - No, an enormous big flying pig
penelope - I exist on a diet of fruit
Phil - Which I store in a Wellington boot
Raak - The sludge in the toe
Marc - I gobble like a sow
Chalky - Whilst grunting chacun à son goût
Pablo - I'm really enjoying this pie
Phil - Though it has left me wondering why
Raak - The ingredients list
Rosie - Was so widely dissed
Marc - What's wrong with dried tadpoles and larvae of flesh fly? (a big and nourishing pie it was...)
Marc - When apples and cherries we mix
Software - Something we do just for kicks
KagomeShuko - We make lemonade
Pablo - To sip in the shade
penelope - And whittle ourselves cocktail sticks A bit lacklustre. Eyes'n'teeth next time, guys'n'gals, eyes'n'teeth!
It's an actor's poor life that I lead
Marc - I can barely afford smoking weed
Pablo - While learning the Bard
Raak - Is not all that hard
Phil - It would help if I first learnt to read
Rosie - I've told you a number of times
Raak - That I'll never be caught for my crimes
Marc - I'm so cunning and smart
Software - That they call me a tart
Pooh - Moi? I'm the Macavity of Mimes For when a crime's discovered then Macavity's not there!
Phil - My mother is losing her mind
Juxtapose - Because of a contract she signed
Rosie - In which she agreed (Pooh) Does that include your own crimes of scansion?
Raak - To always wear tweed
Chalky - And a necklace of smoked bacon rind
Raak - We shall soon start the season of Lent
Kim - When the rules of abstention are bent
Rosie - To make us believe
KagomeShuko - It is now time to heave
Marc - BMI by some fifty percent... http://www.seriouseats.com/2011/01/culinary-ambassadors-swedish-semla-fastlagsbulle-pastry-bun-lent-shrove-tuesday.html
Marc - Still my Body Mass Index is low
Software - My ribcage is always on show
Pablo - My skinny white arms
penelope - Are the least of my charms
Neophyte - Whilst the best may be felt down below
Rosie - The means by which pussycats purr
Juxtapose - Are shrouded in mys'try and fur
Marc - Have they motors inside?
Neophyte - Or a resonant hide?
Simons Mith - Do they blend a buzz with a whirr?
Pablo - I've a large pot of organic glue
Marc - That's made from the hooves of zebras and gnu
Neophyte - ‘Endangered’, you say ?
irach - I've seen herds in Calais
penelope - Where there's lions and elephants too
I've a question for someone who knows
Chalky - About pobbles and their lack of toes:
Pablo - Are they toeless all day?
Neophyte - Does it hinder their play?
Rosie - At darts, do they get extra goes?
Chalky - [P,P,N,R] delightful stuff :)
Chalky - It's true what they say about poker
Rosie - That they play with a pack with no Joker
Software - That your face must be blank
Neophyte - Like a true mountebank
penelope - Lose a mill? Oh, that's just mediocre.
Neophyte - If you play at pontoon or roulette
Marc - Make sure that you use your lorgnette
Rosie - To distinguish between
Pablo - The black, red and green
Software - And to ensure that you place the right bet
Rosie - The Ides of March did for Caesar
Neophyte - As noted by some Stratford geezer
Software - It turned out his mate
Marc - Finished forth his sad fate (et tu, Brute?)
Chalky - With a staged and dramatic crowd-pleaser
Pablo - While oop in the north, sat Macbeth
Neophyte - Ignoring the portents of death
Raak - When Birnam Wood came
Chalky - He was right in the frame
Marc - In the long run though gave up his breath...
Marc - It is springtime - or so I was told,
Neophyte - So why is my sun lounge so cold ?
Raak - The air from Siberia
penelope - Makes the temp so inferior
Chalky - Now fetch me a servant to scold!
Neophyte - My lawn's taken over by moss
Pablo - But really, I don't give a toss
Software - Roll on the next drought
Chalky - When the sun is about
Marc - 'cause tonight we will play the lacrosse...
Marc - There are the rules how to pick up a girl
Typo -
There are rules how to pick up a girl
Neophyte - Keep back straight, bend at knees, never curl
Raak - When she's hoisted on board
Juxtapose - Don't lean backward or for'ard
Chalky - And present with Les Pêcheurs De Perles
penelope - But beware if you pick up a man
Neophyte - In a dress, thigh-high boots, and a tan
Stevie - For that thong will conceal
Marc - That his balls made of steel
Rosie - Are prosthetic and his real name is Anne.
Software - Transvestism is such a drag
Neophyte - That seldom of it do folk brag
Pablo - They prefer to disguise
Marc - Then show up with surprise
Giertrud - When you push them down off of a crag!
Marc - Once again we are fooled by the spring
Neophyte - And the thought of the joys it will bring
Rosie - Ooh, I dunno
Saint John -
It's a fact I don't know
'cause they've stepped on my toe
And I think a lament I will sing.

Marc - I think we have heard it before
Neophyte - And we'll hear it again, I am sure
Raak - It is on the "tee-vee"
Lurker - In the tabloids, I see
Software - And followed on You Tube what's more
Rosie - It's April the First, take great care
Marc - For Lurkers and snipers beware
Pablo - And old men in coats
Raak - Selling tuppenny groats
Stevie - Who, furthermore, really aren't there.
Marc - There once was a farmer who said:
Pooh - "By golly, I'd come out ahead
Pablo - if I planted my corn
Raak - at the first glimpse of dawn
Rosie - Instead of just lying in bed." oblig.
Chalky - There's a terrible price to be paid
penelope - For allowing the curtains to fade
Software - For your neighbours will see
Raak - All your efforts to pee
Tuj - Into cans marked "Homemade Lemonade"
Chalky - Tomorrow's the day before Sunday
penelope - And in turn, that's the day before Monday oblig.[C, p, S, R, T] I larfed out loud.
Software - It is, so to speak
Raak - The end of the week
Marc - Which means that today is today??
Marc - Let's hope that it is not too late
Raak - To find someone to go on a date
Neophyte - 'Though with whom they'll go
Knobbly - It is best they don't know
Chalky - Because Ringwraiths have just sealed their fate.
Phil - While dancing an Argentine tango
Raak - With the chair of my favorite quango
Neophyte - I feigned mild surprise
Stevie - When offered third prize
Marc - In the World Championship of fandango...
Marc - I'm dancing far better than singing
Neophyte - For the music's so loud my head's ringing
Stevie - With my clogs flying high
penelope - And a slap on the thigh
Software - My suspenders buttons are pinging
Pablo - As I waltzed with a gorgeous young filly
Neophyte - Who had won more than twelve Prix Caprilli
Chalky - Her hooves got entangled
Software - (They were polished and spangled)
Lurker - And the judges' mien turned quite chilly.
penelope - I'm in need of a half-pint of tea
Software - Milk and five sugars for me
Neophyte - With my pinky outstretched
Phil - In a posture far-fetched
Kim - I'm an upper-class builder, you see
Marc - I am sure Easter Bunnies lay eggs
Stevie - I am sure that the French eat frog's legs
Neophyte - But grenouilles à la Pâques
Pablo - Mixed with various tabacs
Rosie - Is surely against EU regs.
Juxtapose - This Friday is s'posed to be good
Neophyte - 'Though why, I have ne'er understood
Stevie - Getting nailed to a tree
Chalky - Is not my cup of tea
Raak - And He would agree, if he could. Matthew 26:39
Neophyte - Palm Sunday, it came and it went
Stevie - And I on tequila was bent
Pablo - This was not a good way
Kim - On that most Holy Day
Rosie - To do what you can't during Lent.
Stevie - For breakfast there's chocolate egg
Phil - Then a cute Easter lamb's roasted leg
Software - For tea chocolate bunny
Neophyte - (Bought with your chocolate money !)
Marc - And as 'nightcap' a chocolate beer keg...
penelope - We don't have resources for that
Neophyte - When brayed by an aristocrat
Pablo - Sounds more than just mean
Software - In fact quite obscene
Lurker - And confirms that the speaker's a prat.
Raak - My airship has sprung a small leak
Rosie - It hisses away as I speak
penelope - And we're losing our height I thought it best not to use 'altitude'
Neophyte - Shed weight as we might
Chalky - 'Tis probably best to say 'Eek'
Chalky - My bungee just needs a small tweak
Pablo - To cancel its nerve-shredding shriek
Raak - When I leap into space
Neophyte - All my fears I efface
Stevie - But there might be a small "trouser leak"
Neophyte - To Ypres we journey next week
Stevie - Me grandad's gold watch we shall seek
Phil - He was killed by a bomb
Lurker - (Though he died with aplomb)
Chalky - Whilst winning a game of bezique
penelope - There might be just time for one more
Pablo - Ere we stagger toward the pub door
Rosie - Which just won't keep still
Marc - And the floor lean uphill
Chalky - And my balance do sheem rather poor
Kim - Oh, show me the way to go home
Pablo - It's quite near the Milleneum Dome
penelope - Where gentrification
Phil - Improved the location
Rosie - And you'll not see one garden gnome.
CdM - I showed my heart to the doctor   Notes: 1. (c) L. Cohen; 2. Stressed on "I", "heart", and "doc". 3. Not the easiest rhyme, but plenty of possibilities.
Software - But my advances seemed to have shocked her
Juxtapose - My wild EKG
Kim - And advanced Housemaid's Knee
Phil - Meant my chances were slim to verkakte
Chalky - So I chose a complete transplantation
KagomeShuko - But the doc heard me say "a castration."
Pablo - I've a great sense of loss
Software - But I don't give a toss
Rosie - Let alone an insemination.
penelope - Here I stand with my new bits and pieces
Neophyte - Two curbs and some liquefied fæces
KagomeShuko - The doc says I'll be better
Chalky - With bowels that are wetter
Marc - Though my waistline constantly increases...
Neophyte - When pond'ring a change of one's gender
Software - And update to parts oh so tender
Marc - Make sure that you choose
Lurker - To gain, not to lose
Pablo - All the bits that will scream "I'm a bender!"
Neophyte - If gard'ning were truly a joy
Stevie - It would not make my back scream out "Oi!"
penelope - And the bloody great weeds
Rosie - Which nobody needs
Lurker - Would leave here and plague οἱ πολλοὶ.
Raak -
αι'β ντισαιντεντ του τιτχ μαισελφ Γρεικ
Marc - There once was a line so correct
Software - Even Rosie found if perfect
Rosie - It's yet to be written (Softers) What's come over you? That line is so awful
Chalky - Oh dearie dearie me ... yet another dreary self-referential limerick which has already been cocked up. Thought we'd moved on from these. Well I now qualify as a grumpy old woman so I dare - without fear or favour - to start anew!
Chalky - I once met a Somerset farmer
Phil - I confess, he was rather a charmer
Neophyte - Or should I say "she" ?
Pablo - For we failed to agree
Software - It's a gender dysphoric drama [Rosie, Chalks] perhaps I should have spelt "it" correctly and hyphenated per-fect, I think it scans then.
Phil - I can fit a whole pint in my mug Hastily re-written to avoid leaving "pint" at the end of the line!
Rosie - Straight-sided, curvy or jug (Softers) Yeah, all right. :-)
penelope - Beer, cider or tea
Raak - Or fermented sheep's pee
Neophyte - And it pours with an audible "glug"
Raak - I've decided to teach myself Greek (which is what that line of squiggles earlier was a transliteration of)
Neophyte - Be a scholar, and not just a geek
Phil - But my transliteration [Raak] Ah, I couldn't for the life of me work out what the 2nd word was supposed to be. Why not use a δ (delta) instead of ντ?
Raak - Because in modern Greek, δ is a voiced "th", and "ντ" is used for the "d" sound.
penelope - Brings much obfuscation
Marc - So now a new teacher I'll seek. Sorry for screwing things up but my neighbour (who is Greek) told me it was an incorrect line without sense...
Marc - My friend said her love was platonic
Phil - I said "Yeah, and my screwdriver's sonic!" [Raak] Fair enough. I only did Ancient Greek.
Neophyte - Night and day we then screwed
Lurker - Yet all sex we eschewed
Raak - Our IKEA decor is hedonic.
penelope - A weekend, a flat-pack and you...
Raak - O, think of the things we could do!
Marc - Crawl around on the floor
Neophyte - With the one you adore
Software - Seeking that ill-usive screw
Pablo - When it comes to assembling a bed
Neophyte - It will help if you stand on your head
Lurker - With your tool in your hand
Raak - You will soon make it stand
Marc - And may finish your screwing - 'nuff said...
Neophyte - As I lay in my bed, fast asleep
Raak - My eyebrows endeavoured to creep
penelope - Through the hole in the floor
KagomeShuko - Seeing quite a bit more
Chalky - Than Tom could when he too did Peep
penelope - The Energy Minister said:
Neophyte - "Uranium decays into lead"
Software - And wind is erratic
Lurker - So let's be Socratic
Stevie - Shall we burn solar panels, instead?
Phil - The barbecue season approaches
Pablo - Ah! The smell of fried ants and roaches!
Kim - The carbonised meat
Rosie - The gale, the sleet
Neophyte - And the jibes from the toffs in their coaches.
Raak - Burnt meat is my favorite dish!
Rosie - But have you tried decomposed fish?
Neophyte - With its fragrant bouquet
blamelewis - (Which will not go away)
Phil - It's really quite edible...ish.
penelope - I'm checking the facts about you
Software - But Google's removed quite a few
Raak - You've got something to hide!
Neophyte - (Slipped a rozzer in snide ?!)
Stevie - Never mind, I'll recheck with Yahoo!
Stevie - Is that drone flying overhead yours?
Chalky - And if so - would you kindly press 'pause'?
Neophyte - Or 'fast forward', at least
Pablo - For I don't like that beast
Lurker - Or the stains that it leaves in my drawers.
Marc - This summer I think I will go
Neophyte - In search of the midnight sun's glow
Software - So north I will trek
Stevie - Dressed as a Dalek
Chalky - On skis - but they're just for show
Pablo - This year it's the beach for me!
Software - Sex, sun, sand and the sea!
Raak - Then clubbing all night!
Neophyte - 'Till I wake, with a fright
Stevie - , A rash and a bed full of wee
Rosie - The best lines are so lavatorial
Software - True since times immemorial
Phil - This toilet-based verse
Stevie - May sound turgid, or terse
Neophyte - But can ofttimes sound quite professorial
Stevie - On my birthday: a new record from Yes Trudat.
Phil - I've poor musical taste, I confess.
Software - These aged rock bands
Rosie - With their wrinkly old hands
Pablo - Are mostly now dead, at a guess
Stevie - [Pablo] You'd be wrong though. 8o)
Rosie - The genteel folk of Milngavie
Stevie - Have a predisposition to spy
blamelewis - While the neds of Bearsden
Chalky - Keep mum in a pen .. haven't a clue what you're all on about ...
Raak - And the nellies of Niddrie just cry. Me neither.
Rosie - This, or something like it, is what was intended:

The genteel folk of Milngavie
Are enamoured of actor Bill Navie
They see him on telly
Their legs turn to jelly
He's even a hit in Mumbavie.


Falstaff - Maude was a Tourette's Syndrome duck
Stevie - Who's offbeat quack made people say "f*ck" [Rosie] Sorry. *shrugs*
Chalky - She'd then nod and twitch ... preferred ours -sorry Rosie ;)
Software - This web-footed bitch
blamelewis - Was she fowl mouthed or just full of pluck?
Stevie - I turned on the water and found
Chalky - Some colombian roast - freshly ground
Software - Mixed in a pot
Pablo - With some added shallot
Raak - Its taste is both piquant and round.
penelope - So what on the menu today?
Stevie - A Gooseberry/Duck Beak paté!
Raak - A durian mélange
Chalky - Served with whisky blancmange
Pablo - Mixed together at 10 quid a tray
The Chorus - Olé!
CdM - Hark! Hear the words of the chorus
Raak - For speech, set to music, can't bore us although I draw the line at Monteverdi's "L'Incoronazione di Poppea"
Stevie - If Thatcher had sung
penelope - Of the plight of the young No idea where this one is going to end up
Phil - She'd have seemed less like Tyrannosaurus or reveal
Stevie - Bravo! Good finish.
Stevie - Throw the switches now Igor, be quick!
Phil - Give the Tesla coils just one more flick reveal
Juxtapose - My morbid creation
penelope - Gets a tingling sensation
Raak - And a very enjoyable prick.
Pablo - There's a part of me just wants to die
Chalky - For the life of me I don't know why
Kim - But I can't really ask it
Stevie - Why the yen for the casket
Rosie - Affects ulnars and both radii.
penelope - I'm feeling it deep in my bones Good finish, Rosie
Stevie - It's time to change all my ringtones
Rosie - Their Wagnerian gloom (pen) You are nice lady.
Phil - Bears a portent of doom
Raak - That I don't want to hear from my phones.
Stevie - Oooh I liked the way that one worked out. Nice going, everyone else.
Software - This morning as I had my shower
penelope - The lack of shampoo made me glower
Rosie - So I grabbed the carbolic
Blamelewis - lest I turn vitriolic
Marc - Now my black hair smell like 'Sweet and sour'.
Marc - Motivation will come from within
Raak - Get that right and you're certain to win
Simons Mith - Check Facebook and Twitter
penelope - As you sit on the shitter No point warning you in advance of that, was there? You all knew it was coming. Far too hot for a coat.
Phil - Rise up and be strong! Or fall in.
Tuj - By unceasingly talking in riddles
Rosie - You can get away with most fiddles
Raak - But the clear light of reason
Marc - In this rainy dry season
CdM - Should help exclude most muddy middles
blamelewis - Last time I regressed to the mean
Software - I created a terrible scene
Rosie - 'Cos I was once bimodal
penelope - And hacking the code'll
Marc - Make everyone turn red (or green?)
Marc - Encrypted persistence persist
penelope - Just try saying that when you're pissed! UK English meaning of Pissed (n.) in a state of intoxication through alcohol.
Phil - Saliva will flow
Neophyte - Whilst your cheeks flush and glow
Raak - Inspissated inspectors insist!
Rosie - A great deal of effort is spent
Raak - To decide what to give up for Lent
Simons Mith - And if you give up
Stevie - Giving up have a cup
Marc - of Darjeeling with Rhum, max percent.
Marc - I can feel there's a storm coming up
Rosie - 'Bout Qatar and the World Cup
Software - Some dodgy dealing
Stevie - And wheeling (with feeling)
Rosie - So FIFA's corrupt, is it? Yup. I have taken the liberty as this one had become a bit of a wallflower.
Phil - A guinea pig once came to stay
Software - So I made it at home with some hay
Rosie - I plied it with wine
Neophyte - Which it thought was divine
Marc - My best bottle Grand Cru Cabernet.
Marc - A guinea pigs life must be hard
Phil - As they tussle for scraps in the yard
Pablo - Competing with cats
Raak - Hiding from vampire bats
Software - While reciting the words of the Bard
Chalky - I once bought a pig for a guinea
Marc - 'twas pink and so thin - almost skinny
penelope - But feeding it well
Rosie - Soon caused it to swell
CdM - And now it won't fit in my mini
Simons Mith - I once had a skirt-wearing pig
Raak - For convention it cared not a fig
Rosie - For instance, its snout
Software - would run like a spout
Marc - And its butt was enormously big.
Marc - While preparing my sugar cured ham
Pablo - I thought I would use damson jam
Raak - 'Tis both piquant and sweet
Giertrud - And I do love to eat
Stevie - Jam-ham a-la damson, by damn!
Stevie - While watching a Colin Firth flick
Phil - He started to get on my wick
Kim - His monotonous voice
Marc - Reading novels by J a m e s J o y c e
blamelewis - Make a portrait of me being sick [Marc] Just "Joyce" would have scanned better, perhaps?
Raak - I don't want to get out of bed
penelope - I'd rather stay tucked in instead
Pablo - Being all safe and warm
Rosie - And farting a storm
Marc - Leaving blankets and sheets widely spread.
Pablo - As the autumnal mists descend
Raak - O'er the lea the kine their slow way wend
Marc - The ploughman homeward plods
Elderly - While worshiping his Gods
Thomas Gray - And leaves the world to darkness m'friend...
http://www.poetsgraves.co.uk/Classic%20Poems/Gray/elegy_written_in_a_country_churc.htm
Stevie - Oh goody, more fog o'er the land
Rosie - So thick that you can't see your hand as people say....
penelope - Don't use your fog lights would seem to be the rule, especially for silver or grey cars
Marc - And don't dress in whites
Knobbly - But drive home at 60 as planned
Marc - As a senior player I think,
Kim - Young Rosie should give up the drink
Software - Such libelous chat
Rosie - Ignores the fact that
Phil - He's not drite the thunk that you quink
Marc - I once had a wee dram too much
Rosie - The courage it gave me was Dutch reveal
Stevie - I confronted a copper
Kim - And riled him up proper
Chalky - By booting his hat into touch
penelope - But now I am perfectly merry
Marc - 'cause I'm soaking my muesli in sherry
Pablo - I have gin with my chips
Raak - And a song on my lips
Phil - That I learnt from a young Mary Berry
Tuj - I pogoed again, down the road
Marc - Jumping just like a green, horny toad
Stevie - Quite why, I don't know
Rosie - But it does go to show
Software - With long springy legs I'm bestowed
Stevie - "Up, up and away!" the man cried
Rosie - "Gravity, it shall be defied"
Pablo - With a mighty great leap
Raak - He collapsed in a heap
Marc - Levitated - and finally died...
penelope - I could do that just one more time
Phil - But this time perform it in mime
Kim - With music by Sting
Software - Or Wag-n-er's ring
Raak - Or "Buddy, can you spare a dime?"
penelope - I have no idea what this could
Raak - have been meant to do, nor what it would
Phil - But I think that it might
Pablo - expire by tonight
Marc - unless otherwise stated - stay for good.
Giertrud - If it is dark during the day
penelope - [Gietrud] Excuse me, but I think your metre needs adjusting
Giertrud - If it remains dark in the day
Penelope - There'll no chance for us to make hay
Stevie - [penelope] Excuse me, but I think your metre needs adjusting:
penelope - There'll be no chance for us to make hay
Stevie - Then again, I'm no farmer
Rosie - But still quite a charmerreveal
Marc - And I lay the damsels - if they pay...
Marc - The wine of the day is Chablis
Raak - But waiter! My soup! There's a flea!
Pablo - On my spoon there's a bug!
Phil - There's a wasp in my mug
Stevie - I wonder what lurks in the brie?
penelope - The beast in the cheese is extinct
Phil - But the rat in the crackers just winked!
Pablo - And the worm in the peas
Software - Has knobbly knees
Stevie - So I wonder: Is L.S.D. linked?
Phil - [Stevie et al.] Jolly well done!
Marc - Dear Jedi, I'm writing this note:
Raak - I think we should all have a vote
Pablo - About using the Force
Software - (Caref'ly of course)
Stevie - Or a bucket to bail out this boat
[Pablo] "Force" was an unkind rhyme to offer another
penelope - Be gentle when off'ring a rhyme
Rosie - No oranges please; it's a crime
Kim - And please let it scan
Raak - Just as well as it can
Marc - Then forever will bells and gongs chime!
Marc - I have planned to take up my qi gong
Pablo - And this, I don't think, is too wrong
Raak - My hara is sound
Anna - And both feet on the ground
Wong - I can feel there's new blood in my dong.
Marc - Mister Wong in your eyes I can see
Raak - That though old, you stand firm as a tree
gil - 'Acupuncture' you say
Software - Is why you stay
Raak - [Software] Might it be "the reason" instead of "why"?
Pablo - up all night on just one cup of tea.
Software - A buxom showgirl from Brazil (trad)
Marc - Said her boobs had got valves for refill
Raak - The left dispensed beer
Pablo - But the right looked quite queer
Stevie - And t'would only produce rancid swill
Stevie - Red Barrel, Red Barrel,
Red Barrel men said "the same again"
Took a fistful of flavour
First class beer!
Phil - [Stevie] I'm considering buying this glass and installing it in my local as "Phil's glass", for purely ironic purposes, as the pub has dozens of CAMRA awards.
Stevie - [Phil] Sweet Theakston's on a Bike! That's an ugly glass without the logo!
Stevie - Last night as I sat in the snug
gil - A banking clerk gave me a hug
Rosie - So not every banker
Phil - Is riddled with rancour
Software - But was nevertheless very smug
Stevie - In a small pub in Cornwall I found
Phil - Some scrumpy for under a pound
gil - This dangerous tipple
Rosie - Rots the brain, so UKIP'll Not to be opened until the end.reveal
Marc - Make sure that the Union is drowned...
Marc - "Mister Nigel, I think you are wrong,"
New Deal -
Claiming 'Arbeit macht frei' was a song
That the Nazis once sang
When a Jew they had hang
And that Cameron now sings along
Marc - It's December and Santa's awake [New Deal]Why not try http://www.rab.org.uk/mc/mc.php?tid=138#bottom ?
penelope - to the fraudsters and makers of fake unifini..
Kim - X-Box Ones, PS4s
Stevie - And it sure gives him pause unfinity or thinks
Pablo - to think of these crooks on the make.
Stevie - My old Van Der Graaf's on the blink
Marc - With a megavolt spark that is pink
penelope - It's stopped making static
Pablo - Its behaviour's erratic
gil - And the noise... you can't hear yourself think!
blamelewis - Is there some sort of shindig next week?
Stevie - If so, then the outlook is bleak
Pablo - I've maxed out my card
Rosie - From the pub I've been barred
Marc - Nonetheless I am off to take a leak...
Marc - If you walk 'bout a mile heading west
Pablo - Wearing naught but a grotty string vest
Raak - You'll be stopped by police
Stevie - Wearing vinyl and fleece
Rosie - Who'll say you're improperly dressed.
Stevie - Five four three two one LIGHT THE FUSE!
Marc - Firework legislation we'll abuse! (Happy New Year all!)
Pablo - As the district burns down
Software - We'll be out on the town
Anna - Runnin' wild - crawling pubs - hit the booze.
Pablo - The New Year has brought gloom and dismay
Software - For Charlie Hebdo, so they say
Marc - Life goes on - nice and swift
Anna - Though for most somewhat miffed
penelope - Live on, but die another day. Mercy killing, if you'll excuse the phrase. The stalling of this limerick for a week possibly supports my hypothesis that there are better channels for serious commentary on terrorist atrocities. (I come here to be entertained and show off.)
Marc - The chief mistress of Louis XV (Fifteen, n'est-ce pas?)
Phil - Had much better legs than his Queen
Rosie - And as for her bust Well done, pen; it was becoming a right clunker.
Software - If it hadn't been trussed
Stevie - T'would have sagged somewhere south of her spleen
Rosie - Finance, it's all Greek to me
Simons Mith - And it's mostly a Greek trag ed ee
Pablo - But the show must go on
Software - 'Tho the coffers are gone
Stevie - Next up: The Great Greek de fault ee.
Chalky - I once scaled the Rock of Gibraltar
Raak - To meet with my bride at the altar
Kim - My ardour then wilted
Marc - I said somewhat stilted
Software - When I found that her real name was Walter
Stevie - I once strolled the beaches of Wales
penelope - Consid'ring successes and fails
Pablo - With the thought in my head
Raak - "Am I better off dead?"
Marc - So I jumped off the cliff - left no trails...
penelope - My dear mortal coil is unwound
Raak - By a process of reason unsound
Stevie - With a match, a gas leak     Not until it's over reveal
Marc - We'll fly high, with a shriek
Rosie - And five miles away, hit the ground.
penelope - In my an-nu-al HR appraisal Careful now...
Kim - I was told that my tone is too nasal
Rosie - So I blocked up by doze
Marc - With some sweat from by toez
Stevie - Ad disguised duh sbell wid widge hazal
Rosie - In order to play the bassoon
penelope - You must warm up from April to June
Software - But when playing the flute
Raak - You just give a quick toot
Pablo - and blow (but you'll be out of tune)
Raak - My tax return's well overdue
Rosie - But HMRC, they can stew
penelope - The money I owe
Marc - For my 'petite Chateau'
Stevie - Has been spent on a cruise. Toodle-oo!
Marc - Last night as I went to 'de loo
Raak - An owl in the dark said "too-woo"
penelope - If you're hoping to pee
Stevie - Please don't wee over me
Rosie - Or I'll spray you with my number two. ( thanks, Mother)
penelope - Last night, as I dreamt of my beau
Pablo - My face was suffused with a glow
Stevie - 'Twas not mere desire          reveal Not til it's done.
Raak - That kindled my fire
Marc - 'Twas the treasure concealed down below.
Stevie - Last night as I grouted some tiles
Simons Mith - I tested my masculine wiles reveal
Rosie - I said to my wife
Software - Please pass me that knife
penelope - She stabbed me, but I was all smiles. Muahahahahaha!
Stevie - Last night I was out of my wits
Software - As I searched the bird-table for tits
Marc - All I found was some seed
penelope - And something to read It's a bit nippy out, I will take a coat if you don't mind...
Pablo - -in the chaos of life, it all fits.
Marc - This bright Monday morning I'm on
Stevie - Benzedrine. I'd take more, but they're gone.
Kim - Still, life is just dandy
penelope - Cos I took them with brandy or shandy
Rosie - For synergistifica-shon.And rather poor rhythm.
Marc - I can think - I can read - I can write
Pablo - My classification is "bright"
Phil - But I just can't do sums
Raak - So I'm put with the dumbs
Rosie - Which I think of as rather a slight.
penelope - Top marks for the last one!
But you're boring, you're boring as hell
Rosie - You're up there with Wisty, E. L.
Software - You drone on and on
Stevie - 'Til all sentience is gone
Marc - What is left is just unpleasant smell...
penelope - What a pain to have bagged the first line again
Software - For some that's a terrible strain
Pablo - It challenges the wits
Stevie - And is very annoying following Software's lead
Kim - But turns out alright in the end
There was a young man of Dundee
Who was stung on the neck by a wasp
When asked if it hurt
He replied "Not a bit,
It can do it again if it likes"

One of my favourites. And now, back to our usual program...


How much do you want for that horse?
Stevie - (I can see you have "Foxhunt Remorse")
Raak - Shall we say thirty quid?
Marc - That's my last final bid
Phil - (three dots and sev'n dashes in Morse).
Stevie - Huzzah! Pop'n'crisps all round!
Rosie - "Excuse me", I said to this bloke
mARC - "Can you lend me a bob for a coke?"
Phil - He looked in my eyes
Stevie - (That's a trick I despise)
Software - Said "No, here's some pot you can smoke."
Raak - I say! What a hideous hat!
Kim - What on earth possessed you to wear that?
Rosie - 'Snot a hat, it's a mitre
Pablo - And it feels so much lighter
Pope Marc the second - Than the halo i wear in the Vat'...
Marc - It is Friday and life is so good
Stevie - Can't be bothered to work, though I should
Software - I'll sneak out to the pub
Raak - For a pint and some grub
Pablo - And drink more than I normally would
Rosie - An evening in front of the telly
Stevie - A South Bank Show rerun (George Melly)
Kim - A pizza, some beers
Software - Then a rerun of Cheers
Pablo - And a great rumbling sound in my belly
Stevie - A protesting voice I must raise
Rosie - Against your lascivious gaze
Software - My face is up here
gil - So please transfer that leer
Marc - To a smile that confirms my boobs you praise
penelope - [Marc] I think you were too keen to get your boobs into that last line. I can imagine you're proud of them, but I think you could have tried harder to make them fit. Shocking scansion there, miss.
Rosie - There was a young fellow from Hull pronounciation ad lib
Raak - Who thought that the place was too dull
Marc - So he signed on a ship [pen] Yes, I think you are right, there’s much too few lines about boobs nowadays
Stevie - Donned a pink, silken slip
Kim - That would show off his boobs to the full
Phil - While donning my pads, gloves and box reveal
penelope - I was shocked when I found my boll-ocks If you can't beat 'em, join em, eh Marc, you mysoginistic arse?
Marc - Though my jockstrap is big[pen] I know you are rude and now you have proven to be ignorant and stupid as well, what a pity
Raak - It's stuffed with my wig
Kim - A banana and two pairs of socks
[Marc] If you must post smut (which, it seems, is all that you have to offer) at least be decent enough to make it rhyme and scan. It's probably too much to ask for it to be interesting, clever or funny as well.
Marc - A true sanctimonious mind,
Tuj - Isn't needed - you'd have to be blind u.s.a.
Black Widow - Or denying the truth
Raak - To not know what is couth
Phil - So let's all be nice and refined
Rosie - Refinement, I have it in spades reveal
Marc - Well, at least if I look through my shades
Pablo - I'll see Rosie's demure
Phil - And raise it to 'pure'
Raak - As she wafts through the sun-dappled glades.
Software - Again, poor Rosie's changed sex
Stevie - Was it drugs and the knife, or a hex?
Kim - No, it's all in the mind
Marc - Though it's still undefined
Rosie - But not if I lower my kecks. reveal
Pablo - I'm thrilled with the latest advance
Stevie - In captivity, they've bred a Wild Pants
Marc - It is white with red spots
blamelewis - You can play 'join the dots'
Rosie - Though its parents may well look askance.
Stevie - In Midsomer a man has been shot
Marc - There it happens more often than not
Software - It's a great place to die
Pablo - 'neath a clear English sky
Raak - Do I really think so? Not a lot.
Stevie - Thank god! Morse and Lewis are here! Netflix Binge declared.
Pablo - So tremble, ye villains, with fear!
Phil - For Oxford is filled
Rosie - With forensically skilled
Software - And detectives that drink lots of beer
Stevie - Oh well played everyone! Crisps all round!
Pablo - And as for Inspector Jack Frost
Tuj - I fear that his marbles are lost
Marc - Though when bending the rules
Chalky - And suffering fools
Rosie - That old bridge too far he had crossed.
Marc - When you sit on the rail breaking wind (A nice sailing trip anyone?)
Pablo - Having drunk too much beer that is tinned
Stevie - Spare a thought for the mate
Rosie - As you shamelessly deflate
Anna - Though my nose and my bum are thick skinned.
Software - While sorting the junk in my loft
Stevie - The rafters felt distinctly soft
Rosie - When I trod on a joist
Giertrud - I felt something moist
Raak - That gave way the moment I coughed
Marc - "It's a very fine object," *cough cough*
Rosie - It's starting, though, to go off (gough ough)
Raak - The pong goes right through
Stevie - One's sinuses to
Pablo - make stuff you'll spit into a trough.
Raak - A little tidying up:
"It's a very fine object," *cough cough*
It's starting, though, to go ough
The pong goes right through
One's sinuses tough
make stuff you'll spit into a trough.

Rosie - The maximum speed of a tortoise
Raak - Can never keep up with a porpoise Grabbing the only rhyme.
Simons Mith - With turbot installed
Marc - And the shell well close-hauled
Phil - It'll speed up until it has caught us
Software - However, the rate of the hare
Pablo - Approximates that of a bear
Stevie - If your math's a bit wonky
Simons Mith - I'm certain that Don Qui-
Giertrud - -Xote will make it all square! reveal
Marc - Oh Lord, will you please tell me why
Phil - The cyclops has only one eye
Stevie - Yet still remains jocular
Rosie - Despite being monocular oblig.
Raak - And can't watch 3D movies on Sky.
Rosie - There was a young fellow from Reading
Stevie - Whose cat just lay sleeping and shedding
Pablo - amounts of black fur
Software - Fell out at each purr
Marc - And he sold it to Hypnos as bedding.
Stevie - When at the computer I find
Phil - I'm not in control of my mind
Software - So Cntl-Alt-Delete
Pablo - And get to my feet
Raak - And go for a jog to unwind.
Stevie - Egad! From the taps just a drip This one in sympathy for Raak. Limerick Aid
Marc - No bathing - no stiff upper lip
Rosie - I'll be a bit whiffy
Software - So I'll dip in the Liffey
Pablo - Just as long as no gals see me strip
blamelewis - It's never the greatest idea
Rosie - To start a fight on Top Gear.
Pablo - Now Chris E's the new face
Software - A ginger disgrace
Tuj - Can you hear a toss given? Not here. Sorry chaps! =)
Marc - We're on strike 'cause our wages are low
Stevie - And we're dealing the bosses a blow
Rosie - They'll have to cough up
KagomeShuko - And feed our new pup
Software - Or next we'll run a go-slow
Pablo - Is the Euro to go down the pan?
Rosie - The Greeks would cheer that to a man
Software - The Drachma'd be back
Marc - Get a meal for one sack
Alexis Tsipras - While the rest of you pay, that's my plan!
Marc - "Can ya lend me a bob 'cause I'm broke?"
Rosie - "Being totally skint is no joke"
Stevie - Haven't eaten for days
Pablo - (My "austerity" phase)
Anna - "Here's a quarter of rum and a coke."
Software - There was a young lady from Thame trad.
Rosie - Who decided to go on the game.
Kim - When she spread out her wares
Pablo - She provoked several stares
Marc - Now she's ninety - still on - with no shame...
Marc - Now please sharpen your pen and then write
Stevie - Of the joys of a Flexifoil kite
Pablo - Or just jot a few words
Rosie - On its danger to birds
Software - And the warnings of flying at night
Pablo - The last time I ate a hot curry
Raak - I had to dash off in a hurry
Stevie - My bowels were a-bubble
Marc - In the air smell of trouble
Rosie - And then the inevitable slurry
Software - well done P,B,S,M & R!
Software - On the way home last night - a kebab
Rosie - Then to A & E for a jab
Marc - Seven stitches then home
Anna - Wrapped in urethane foam
Stevie - And then off for six long weeks of rehab
KagomeShuko - I'll pay for my meal with some rupees
Rosie - E'en here in Stockton-on-Tees (KS) -You'd have got better rhythm if you'd just left out the word "some".
Kim - This Chicken Madras
Marc - Spiced with pure Sassafras
Pablo - Will bring me down to my knees
Pablo - /hr seems not to be working.....?
Stevie - I really must protest dear sir
penelope - The print on the label's a blur
Simons Mith - The tin may have leaked
Rosie - 'Cos my kitchen, it reeked
KagomeShuko - And smelled like some rotten liqueur. (Rosie . . . um, nope, sorry . . . "Lines 1, 2 and 5 of a limerick should ideally consist of three anapests each" My first line has three anapests just like a limerick should . . . now, as for Stevie's line, it doesn't).
Raak - Compare and contrast with English as she is spoke and limericks as they be scanned:
I REAlly must PROtest dear SIR: correct metre, but "PROtest" is the noun.
I REAlly must proTEST dear SIR: "proTEST" is correct, but the metre is trying to be a different verse form:
I really must protest dear sir
This printed label's just a blur
The tin it leaked, my kitchen reeked
And smelled like déclassé liqueur.
I'll PAY for my MEAL with some RUpees: correct metre and word stress but difficult to rhyme with.
I'll PAY for my MEAL with some ruPEES: extraneous "some".
I'll PAY for my MEAL with ruPEES: correct metre, and the stress in"ruPEES" is also correct.
Marc - There once was an expert who knew [Raak] Many thanks dear Sir for the lecture, we needed it!
Stevie - Fuck all about making a stew [Raak] reveal
penelope - The bucket of gravy Wade in, chaps.
Software - Supplied by the navy
Rosie - Had a frighteningly bright crimson hue.
Marc - "We've defeated the Spanish Armada,"
Knobbly - Cried Drake with consid'rable ardour
Rosie - We chased them round Britain
CdM - So now they're once bitten [Raak] reveal
Software - They'll realize that we are much harder
Phil - It's Monday and i'm feeling bored
CdM - So I pull the emergency cord
Raak - The ejector seats fire
Pablo - And as I rise higher
Marc - "Where's my parachute?", Oh dear Lord!
Simons Mith - Those men in their flying machines
Rosie - Eat nothing, so it's said, but baked beans
Pablo - And for their own part
Software - The beans will impart
Marc - With brown stains on the back of their jeans...
Marc - Are you sure that this airplane is safe
Marc (Sorry but rhyming safe seem to be tricky) -
Are you sure that this airplane can fly?
Juxtapose - If it's safe we can certainly try
Pablo - So shall I take the stick?
Raak - Get aboard and be quick
blamelewis - Just don't tell the pilot! Bye-bye! [Marc] chafe, strafe, waif, Ralph? :)
Marc - The dark clouds that are blocking the sun
blamelewis - Remind me just what I have done
Rosie - As Guildford lies flattened
Pablo - And seemingly patterned
Software - It's a shame it can't be undone
Phil - I've wiped out the Jewel of Surrey
Chasty - She was hot - kind of cuddly and furry
Pablo - With a come-hither grin
Software - And a rather square chin
blamelewis - So don't click that link in a hurry
Rosie - If Guildford's a jewel, what's Dorking?
Phil - 'Bout 4 hours away, if you're walking.
penelope - But if you're on a bike
Pablo - There's a pub you might like
penelope - So step on! Stop standing and gawking!
Tuj - I thought that I'd broken my wrist
penelope - When I swung at your mother, and missed
Pablo - As my fist hit the wall
Software - The last thing I recall
Rosie - Was her cackling at me "You're pissed."
CdM - So here I sit, in the ER
penelope - With my elbow stuck in a jam jar
Pablo - The sixth hour has passed
blamelewis - I'm having a blast
Software - While the doctor slips off to the bar That's probably not fair and could cause a storm of protest, but all for the sake of scansion and mirth.
Rosie - The weirdos who live on the hill
Kim - Have put all their pigs on the pill
Software - So no little porkers
Pablo - Will get nobbed by rogue orcas [Softers] Oh, I do so like a challenge...
Projoy - And think what they'll save on the swill.
The chaps at Piers Gaveston think
Raak - That life is all orgies and drink
Marc - Countess Marg'ret de Clare
Phil - Had better beware
Software - Lest she'll end up in the clink which she did, BTW
Pablo - In a small, central part of my brain
Raak - Is a place ornamented with pain
Rosie - It's the fault of my mother
Marc - 'cause she killed my big brother
Projoy - And it's likely she'll yet kill again.
A student of madness would think
Simons Mith - "Funicular! Crucible! Blink!"
Pablo - or perhaps, "nadge my toes"
Phil - Or "nobody knows"
Rosie - That I normally crap in the sink.
Software - I've bought myself a winter coat true
Raak - It's made of weasel, fox, and stoat I think we've just invented the iambic limerick. Lines of 4, 4, 2, 2, and 4 feet and the usual rhyme scheme.
Rosie - It's wholly organic
penelope - So no need to panic
Marc - The collar is made from the arse of a goat Adding a few syllables as a reasonable compensation
Rosie - The good folk of Accrington, Lancs
penelope - Were often mistaken for cranks
Raak - They spun round and round
Marc - With a murmuring sound
Software - As their only football team tanks
penelope - This island is home for the night
Pablo - Although it's a quite gruesome sight
Software - The ferry has sailed
Raak - The banshee has wailed
Rosie - And I'm stuck on the Isle of Wight.
Pablo - There's a rumour that's doing the rounds
Projoy - That my head makes peculiar sounds
Rosie - That's 'cos it's hollow
CdM - And so, when I swallow,
Simons Mith - There's a noise like the baying of hounds
Marc - I have heard there's dog on the moon
Pablo - Whose bowl is in fact a spittoon
Software - His kennel's a crater
penelope - Around the equator
Chalky - His cries won't be heard 'til next June
penelope - I hope that my bonfire will light
Rosie - So I can fry bangers all night
Pablo - With a can of cold beer
Projoy - I shall quote lines from Lear
Juxtapose - "O, thou side-piercing sight!"
Giertrud - "Guaranteed from boot-to-bonnet!"
Rosie - That's Clarkson's first go at a sonnet
Phil - It could have been worse
penelope - If he pictured a hearse
Software - With luck he could have be on it
Pablo - I awoke to a fine morning sight
Projoy - Of the hay in my barn set alight
Raak - The insurance will pay
Phil - For my next holiday
Software - Due in just a fortnight
Rosie - I simply don't know how to start
Pablo - My new sixteen horsepower go-kart
Simons Mith - I yanked on this string
Marc - It went 'wicketi ping'
Anna - And then the machine fell apart.
Simons Mith - So I cussed and I brandished my spanner
Rosie - In typical Clarksonian manner
Giertrud - But Jeremy and Kelly
Pablo - (Them two off the telly)
Blob - Have ordered the parts from Fermanagh
penelope - The business of ordering parts
Pablo - Proceeds both in fits and in starts
Software - Look at the book
Rosie - Ring them up; they're in Nuuk
Raak - And deliver by husky-drawn carts.
Projoy - When eternity fits in an hour
penelope - I barely have time for a shower
Raak - But when deadlines draw near
Software - I quiver with fear
Pablo - And withdraw to an ivory tower
penelope - My Cumbrian fell is a-flood
Pablo - My "carpet"'s now three feet of mud
Software - The rain doesn't stop
Rosie - Needs more than a mop
Chalky - And the switch on my ark is a dud
Pablo - Will it rain now for forty more nights?
Chalky - Will it reach the top rain record heights?
Rosie - Because if it does
Software - We'll call out the fuzz
Marc - To claim that we've got human rights.
Phil - So Christmas has come back around
Marc - And Santa, I've heard, is southbound
Pablo - With his over-full sleigh
Software - He may brighten our day
Rosie - As he slips in with barely a sound.
Marc - Oh my dearest I long for your kiss
Chalky - Though I fear your technique's hit and miss
Chasty - Your French kisses I love
Monique - They are just hand in glove
Armand - And I do care that you are my sis
Pablo - Farewell to a very poor year
Software - The weather was shite, that is clear
Rosie - So let us revive
penelope - The jitterbug and jive
Phil - And party with burgers and beer
penelope - I will not stand for whiny complaining
Tuj - In spite of long immersive training
Marc - Though I must say it's wrong
Rosie - To moan all day long
Chalky - When the rhymes here are SO entertaining
Pablo - So farewell then Bowie: bye Dave
Software - You did all the genres, save rave
penelope - And for that, we're in awe
Chalky - 'Though our tear ducts are raw
penelope - For ecstasy beyond the grave.
Giertrud - Sometimes I cannot resist
penelope - Adding whisky to my shopping list
Pablo - It goes on with the gin
Marc - Make our heads start to spin
Software - As slowly we're getting pissed
Chalky - Hmm.
Chalky - It's time for a jolly distraction
Software - Like Longleat or some such attraction
penelope - Or maybe we could
Raak - Stroll through Odell Great Wood
Marc - Watching grass growing slowly in action...
Marc - Then she said: "I'm lying in your bed"
penelope - And I think that butler is dead
Pablo - So I said, "Call Poirot!"
Kim - But Mycroft said "No!"
Raak - "We'll eliminate the impossible instead."
Simons Mith - To the greenhouse I summoned the cook
CdM - "Over there!" I exclaimed. "Take a look!"
penelope - "The tomatoes have rust!"
Chalky - "The sprouts turned to dust!"
Pablo - He's from Yorkshire, so said "What the fook?"
Software - While I stood in the Post Office queue
penelope - And I hoped for position two
Pablo - But the fellow in front ...careful...
Chalky - With a snort and a grunt
Marc - Said: "I'm stuck. Who the hell spilled that glue!"
Marc - The cyan-ACrylate glue sealed his lips
Cook - On the table he had fish and chips
penelope - But unable to eat Hello Cook
Pablo - His cod-and-spud treat
Chalky - He studied the lunar eclipse
Marc - It's the year of the Monkey, beware...
penelope - That you dress with attention and care
Rosie - And stop making faces
Raak - When you tie your shoelaces
Pablo - God! You're not doing that with your hair????
Marc - In accordance with Standard 14
Raak - You must paint your front door in sludge green
Rosie - Lined out in puce
CdM - Or else we'll reduce
penelope - The money for being Europeen
Rosie - The good folk of Chorlton-cum Hardy
Chalky - Were known for their love of bacardi
penelope - When applied to the skin
Software - It was better than gin
Marc - And creme CeraVe - it's too lardy
Pablo - The Burghers of Port du Calais
Rosie - Have been whooping it up at the Palais
Marc - Now the jungle is flat
Software - They think that is that
Raak - But more migrants will be there next day.
Marc - Last summer I swam 'cross the Channel
Rosie - Wrapped in the finest of flannel
Giertrud - My expensive pyjamas
Pablo - With their imprint of lamas
KagomeShuko - Were hidden behind a pannel.
Juxtapose - There once was a fellow named Clark
Giertrud - Who was quite afraid of the dark
Software - So he switched on the light
Raak - And got a great fright
Rosie - As he found himself next to a shark.
Marc - It's due time that you upgrade your app
Anna - Or else you may fumble your snap
Raak - The latest UI
Pablo - Helps you shoot on the fly
Chalky - But the editing suite is pure crap
Tuj - What time does the ferry depart?
Skipper Marc - The minute that I've found my chart
Rosie - And topped up with diesel
Kim - And fed my pet weasel
Software - But this is Condor and we're missing a part
Marc - The Andean Condor's huge wingspan
Juxtapose - ex-ceeds the width of my fry-ingpan
CdM - And so to sauté it
Raak - I bent it to fit
Rosie - Which spoilt its vocal range, or sing span. Dreadful.
Raak - The first day of Spring has just sprung
Marc - And I feel like a stallion I'm hung
Software - I'll be frisky for sure
Pablo - And with all my allure
KagomeShuko - I'll hide what Spring has just sprung. reveal
Marc - There once was a fella named Lear
Pablo - Who said that he felt a bit queer
Rosie - When asked what was wrong
Software - He burst into song
Raak - And demanded I bring him a beer.
Pablo - I've a problem with one of my glands
Rosie - My prostate's come off in my hands
Raak - Just squirt it with glue
Marc - Then fixate with a screw
Software - Then to hold it in place - rubber bands
penelope - There's a stock room of spare body parts
Raak - For my practice of ghoulish black arts
Rosie - In the box labelled "Noses"
Software - Nothing's smelling of roses
Marc - And some carrots, Jack Frost's private parts.
Marc - The question is free I've been told
Raak - But the answer will cost all your gold
Pablo - Not "The Meaning of Life?"
Kim - "How To Murder Your Wife"?
Software - No, it's down the river you're sold
Marc - "We are sinking, please finish your soup,"
Rosie - "Use the loo - we mustn't leave poop."
penelope - And then take your turn
Pablo - As the ship starts to burn
Projoy - To play "Nearer, my God" on a loop.
Tuj - It has eight legs! It's there on the floor!
Projoy - How'd that Octopus get in the door?
Software - It's fresh from the sea
Raak - And it's smarter than me
Pablo - And my God it looks just like Al Gore!
Projoy - In the land that we now call Iraq
Kim - They're proposing to place a blue plaq
Rosie - On a house in Baghdad
Software - A home for jihad
Phil - Where there once lived a young man called Raak
Projoy - Can you eat up the rest of this flour?
Pablo - It won't last much more than an hour
Raak - We must not let it rise
Rosie - Or else its sheer size
Kim - Will swallow up Shipston-on-Stour
Pablo - 'Tis the 400th year of dear Willy
Software - The bard not the whale, silly billy
Projoy - After four hundred years
Raak - His oeuvre appears
Stevie - So much better than Milli Vanilli
's
Stevie - It's May and the sap is a-rising
Pablo - The new cider looks most appetising
Rosie - So come all ye drunkards
Software - Lift up your tankards
Projoy - (Whose contents don't bear analysing)
penelope - Through the blossom and meadows I dance
Rosie - Gazelle-like I pirouette and prance go for it, pen
Projoy - But, hid by this sedge,
Bismarck - Is my five fruit and veg!
Pablo - And all of them produits de France
penelope - Well, that was an odd one. I hadn't expected that.
Projoy - The world of Gerard, Count of Nice
Marc - Was described in this nice press release:
Rosie - A Master of Biscuits
Raak - Despiser of Triscuits
Bismarck - In quantities from "un" to "six". Sorry [pen], let continental-themed weirdness abound. Nevertheless a stylish finish from [Pablo]
Stevie - [Meadow Dancing pen] I expected at least one person to post about not wearing any pants. I was going to on line two but thought it would be a better punch line for line five.
Pablo - In the city of Aix-la-Chappelle
Raak - Danced Penelope, like a gazelle
Marc - Is that Stevie - both are nude!
Anna - In his hand - gee that's rude!
Projoy - I just hope that they don't kiss and tell
Software - While I was tending my garden
Raak - I received from the Queen a full pardon
Marc - Writing long lines that don't scan at all
Bismarck - Sent the Sovereign right up the wall
Projoy - Causing her stance on such infractions to harden.
Bismarck - An infinite number of monkeys
Phil - Assisted by five EU flunkies
penelope - Rough-drafted a treaty
Marc - UK rules for graffiti
Raak - To reserve it for registered junkies.
Rosie - To work out the square root of pi
Marc - Please first the last π-digit quantify
Software - Then by taking the log
Pablo - And a sly sip of grog
Bismarck - You'll be fine - just bluff your way by.
It's one and a bit!
Raak - When time, space, and knowledge combine
Projoy - With superior shape, form and line,
Rosie - One ought to be dazzled
Software - Or even brain-frazzled
Pablo - By the stuff that's produced - it's all mine!
Marc - When you think you are ready you're not
Projoy - And the things that you got, you ain't got
Raak - So live while you live
Software - 'Cos life is a swizz
Stevie - What you've not got can fester and rot.
Projoy - Could this chicken be up to fowl play?
Stevie - From my vantage point, hard to say
Pablo - It does seem inclined
Kim - To sneak up behind
Chalky - 'Til a cock crows and gives it away
Rosie - It wasn't a fowl 'cos he dived
Projoy - A move, as in football, contrived
Bismarck - With a kingfisher's grace
Pablo - To fall flat on one's face
Software - And a red card from the ref is survived
Marc - Monday morning - the struggle goes on
penelope - To house-train my iguanodon
Stevie - I'll be hailed as a wizard
Simons Mith - Of incontinent lizard
Rosie - Where a nose-peg's a sine qua non.
Pablo - I've managed to train up a gazelle
Bismarck - To fart without making a smell!
Software - This flatulent trick
Raak - Involves mud and a brick
Bismarck - An ending occurred, but I already had a go -reveal
Rosie - And a diet of silica gel. (Bis) V. gentlemanly
Stevie - As I looked out me window last night
Simons Mith - I could not but notice a slight
Projoy - Nasty nip in the air
Pablo - Though the weather was fair
Bismarck - Fukushima was within sight.
Marc - When you're leaving Japan please make sure
Projoy - That your thoughts and your deeds have been pure.
Bismarck - For the Shinto religion
Raak - Protects even a pigeon
Pablo - From charges of being "manure"
penelope - I'm wearing a lightning conductor
Software - Made of copper as per my instructor Stormy in Clogland, pen?
Projoy - 's advice. He was right!
Pablo - Look what happened last night -
Drewdle - Prematurely discharged when I...engaged her in consensual acts of an intimate nature.
Marc - One red carrot I've offered my horse
penelope - It bit off my fingers, of course
Rosie - But aren't horses veggie?
Giertrud - But they can be quite edgy
Bismarck - As my A&E can endorse!
Oh woe is me, I am undone
penelope - I thought it was comic and fun
Stevie - But alas and alack
Pablo - Everything has turned black
Raak - Can we undo the referendum?
Kim - So, what is he going to do now?
Raak - While waiting to take his last bow?
Marc - Will he come 'round again?
Pablo - Or collapse in great pain?
Projoy - Or renege on "resign is my vow!"
Software - I'll resign again and again and again
Raak - The meaning of this is quite plain
Stevie - What I've wrought is at hand
Bismarck - I am unfit to stand
Rosie - If you voted for me then you're insane.
Pablo - However, I may just bounce back
Bismarck - On my elastic hypocrisy track
Software - As plan B starts fail
Marc - My brave face turn pale
Boris - I surprise the whole world with my quack.
Software - Let's clear out the old, bring in new
Stevie - And toss out the false, bring in true
Marc - Give us hope, peace and love
Rosie - And harmony, aw'right bruv?
Stevie - I've told you 'bout sniffing that glue!

Mercy Killing invoked.
Trellis - Software - Let us clear out the old, bring in new
Stevie - And toss out the false, bring in true
Marc - Give us hope, peace and love
Rosebud - Olive branches - white dove
Peacemaker - And one day our dreams will come through.

Bismarck - What we need is a quick coup de gr?ce
Bismarck - Oh woe, it doesn't take extended character sets...
What we need is a quick coup de grace
Pablo - And, should such a thing come to pass,
Stevie - Don't say "Coo de Grah"
Tuj - Lest you prompt a fnarr
Marc - Then we kill you with pure poison gas...
Marc - When you leave will you please close the door
Phil - Or the whole house will smell of your spoor
Badger - "daw ... spaw ... spaw ... daw..."
Raak - Your best friends haven't told you
Software - That fungus on you grew
Stevie - The day you came back from The War
Stevie - Men of Harlech! The Zulus are risin'
Marc - Dead are heap'd with dying! (How surprising)
Bismarck - On to Bulawayo!
Stevie -
I'm declaring this one a bad steer on account of poor scansion and attempted forcing of people to type something about Ketshwayo instead of opening up vistas of wit. My fault not entirely
Stevie - Down the church hall they're all on parade
Dolly - To acclaim killer Stevie's blockade.
Bismarck - Harlech's W.I.reveal
Raak - Went on an excursion to Skye
Rosie - They sailed o'er the sea
penelope - For a nice cup of tea ...normal service etc
Marc - With a Talisker dram - oh aye-aye!
Rosie - There was a young man from Prestatyn
Software - Who saw a knob and pressed that in
Raak - A twenty-ton weight
Marc - Was released and fell straight
Pablo - on his head - the result was to flatten
Bismarck - Way back in my Ministry days
Rosie - In charge of Hampton Court Maze
Raak - I engaged Alan Turing
Software - Thus firmly ensuring
Marc - That we're leaving the Maze walking sideways. (Alan didn't walk straight, did he...?)
penelope - Back then, I commanded the troops I think I'm heading for trouble with this one.
Bismarck - By Jove, I'd them jumping through hoops!
Stevie - English as she's spoke
With a fnoot sull of coke
S'like impossible hooptroop de loops

How about:
penelope - Back then, I commanded the troops I think I'm heading for trouble with this one.
Bismarck - By Jove, had 'em jumping through hoops!
Kim - When out on parade
Pablo - Primed on neat lucozade
Software - They lined up in sugary groups
Tuj - My afro is fulsome and pert!
Stevie - Likewise my black rubber skirt Today I am a hovercraft
Juxtapose - I'm dressed up so nice
Marc - My chin dabbed with Old Spice
Pablo - You must think me a terrible flirt!
penelope - My tonsure requires some repair
Kim - It's become overgrown, here and there
Stevie - In the cloister, it's said
Software - I look like Judge Dredd
Marc - A parable I think is unfair.
Marc - Do you mind if I ask you to shave?
Rosie - Yes, I do; I'm going to a rave
Kim - It's not OTT
penelope - To grow a goatee
Stevie - In the shape of a stone architrave
Stevie -
Bismarck - Why aye man, Irn Bru's just the thing
Stevie - At a "Spinners" reunion in Tring
Pablo - It puts hairs on your chest
Rosie - Which women detest
Projoy - So go gay, and let MEN pull your ring. It's OK, I already picked up my coat
Rosie - The gas-man is mending a leak reveal
Marc - And he uses the latest technique
Projoy - Of taking a match
penelope - To set fire to the thatch
Pablo - - next thing, there's a blood-curdling shriek.
Stevie - No smoking! No pipes! No Cigars!
Projoy - Says the sign in the passenger cars
Pablo - When I need a good puff
Raak - I call the guard's bluff
Marc - It went wrong. I was put behind bars!
Bismarck - Now that Hamish has finished his tea
Pablo - He'll meet Dougal, just wait and see...
Tuj - And, inspecting his flask
Rosie - Its contents? - don't ask
Marc - (...it's a mixture of Bourbon and pee.) Coat please...
Stevie - Enough of the Scots! Let's talk Swede!
Bismarck - It's a thing all my vegetables need!
Pablo - My turnips want more
Software - It's a bit of a bore
penelope - But it helps when they start to set seed.
Software - There was a young lady from Bude trad
Stevie - Allergic to all sorts of food
Raak - Nuts, gluten, and soy
Marc - She could never enjoy
Pablo - Their effect on her bowels was just rude
penelope - There was a young man out of Rhyll Redressing the balance a taff tad.
Bismarck - Who ran up a huge restaurant bhyll I blame the spellchecker
Pablo - By scoffing ten courses
Rosie - He thereby endorses (pen) One "l" in Rhyl. Hard luck.
Stevie - Credit card use at the thyll
Stevie - The goddess of love (name of Venus)
Marc - Is wearing no clothes - it's tawdriness
Superman - She steps out of her shell
penelope - But - Dear God - the smell
Software - Being locked up so long is quite heinous
Pablo - And lo, the seasons doth change
Stevie - No more hay-fever, now it's the mange
Rosie - Or frost-bitten toesies reveal
Software - Get out your knee cosies
Bismarck - Home sweet home on the (kitchen) range.
I've been equinoxed twice now this year!
Software - An excuse to break out the beer
Stevie - And play Jean Michel Jarre
Rosie - Loud, in my car reveal
Pablo - While doing a ton in first gear
penelope - [Pablo] Did you pass me on the motorway this morning?
Stevie -
Roaring past at a hundred and ten
Pablo altered the volume and then
Jean Michel Jarre
Howled out of his car
What an earful for fearful young pen!

Stevie - Let us dance a Dark Morris to bring
Rosie - An end to this ludicrous fling
Marc - Do some hop 'n bop 'n
Superman - To rhythms forgott'n
Software - Then your hook you can sling
Raak - While waiting for Godot one day
Marc - I think that I thought - 'come what may'
Stevie - Was a bad Abba song
Phil - That stood out from the throng
Pablo - Coz they sang it in G - should be A
Rosie - It says not to try this at home
Raak - It's a thing you can do with a gnome
Software - But please to take care
Stevie - When you do it and where
Marc - Don't forget your protective Styrofoam.
Marc - Use a Styrofoam hat when you bike
Superman - With Styrofoam pants, if you like
Pablo - Then add Styrofoam socks
Raak - To ward off hard knocks
Bismarck - It's a trick they used in the Third Reich.
I shall take my laboratory rat
Superman - And feed it five kilos of fat
Pablo - Grow it big as a dog
Stevie - Then inject egg-nog
Rosie - And see if it goes for the cat.
Stevie - Could be, there's a Nobel in this
penelope - We can make IPA from my piss! [Sorry Phil, if you're watching]
Rosie - So, pen, get drinking
Marc - And never stop thinking
Bismarck - And telephone Greene King
Software - That recycling realy is bliss
Bismarck - That brew of the gods, IPA
Software - So don't let anyone say
Pablo - It's just flavoured water
penelope - And drink it you oughta
Stevie - With a smile, right after you pay
Bismarck - I've launched a crowdfunding campaign! reveal
Raak - To design an intelligent brain
Marc - With some High-Tech connections
Stevie - I've high expectations
Pablo - Or it's 50 grand straight down the drain
Stevie - Oh well done everyone! Crisps all round!
LimCopper - [Stevie]You are handcuffed and arrested for inferior rhyming. Here are samples of some correct choises: affections, collections, complexions, confections, convections, corrections, defections, detections, directions, dissections, ejections, election's, elections, erections, infections, inflections, injections, inspections, objection's, objections, projections, protections, reflections, rejections, selections
Rosie - (Stevie) I think he means choices but what do I know.
Stevie - [Rosie] I like his/her use of "correct" as the compliment of "inferior" myself. And my response is, as always, that the commentator, having asserted their superiority, is now free to indulge their love of sex and that of travel simultaneously.
Superman - Choose your words carefully, now
Raak - And enunciate "How now, brown cow?"
Marc - And make sure not to write
penelope - That the kids is all right [Rosie, Stevie] Hiding behind a pseudonym? Never a good stance for those assuming the role of scansion and rhyming police, nor for Brexiteers for that matter.
Bismarck - For some lurker will make you kowtow.
Pablo - It is words that maketh the man
Phil - Just so long as they rhyme and they scan reveal
penelope - But what makes the lasses careful now...
Software - Is poetry classes
Rosie - Someone should tell Princess Anne. (pen) penult. Not guilty, Miss. The rather bumptious miscreant remains at large.
(Softers) You bin up nawf or sunnink?

Marc - Princess Royal - how lovely thou art
Software - E'en when your horses do fart
Pablo - From a surfeit of hay
Superman - Carrots, lentils, and whey
Raak - Don't stand too close when they depart.
Stevie - Good heavens! Don't make such a fuss
Superman - They'll all think that you're just a wuss
Bismarck - Stop that complainin'
Rosie - Just cos it's rainin'
Pablo - And it's three hours before the next bus
Rosie - "Give me your arm", said the nurse
penelope - While I half-inch the cash from your purse
Raak - We're not paid enough
Bismarck - So we have to get tough
Software - But Brexiters' promises are worse
Stevie - Re: BREXIT: The will and the way
Rosie - Are frankly in some disarray
Bismarck - Why Article 50
penelope - Is getting more shifty Oblig.
Phil - And further away by the day
Software - The tabloids are ranting of treason
Pablo - It's their spleens and their bile that they're easin'
penelope - But their ignorant bile Can't call it anything else...
Marc - We must take with a smile
Stevie - Till the count's in. Then comes the apeasin'
Stevie - Enough with this democracy!
Rosie - A tyrant's what we need
Bismarck - Who will make up the rules
penelope - Not giving a bugger about what works or not
Pablo - Just like the players of this game
Raak - I think a glow-worm was struggling to get out there:
Enough with this democracy!
A tyrant's what we need.
He'd rule without hypocrisy
By one rule: his own greed.

Stevie - Enough with this democracy
Let's try a spot of anarchy
No political boss
No giving a toss
No Don and no Hil bugging me

Just off the top of my head, in stream of conciousness. My start was good and offered an easy array of pertinent rhymes. Everyone else was to blame. I'm keeping these crisps. 8oP
Kim - I preferred the original.


In matters of scansion and rhyme
Software - We abide just some of the time
Rosie - But when we do not (Raak) It was, and my fault too. I'm 73, you know.
Marc - We react on the spot
Raak - And wax wroth in interpretive mime. reveal
Marc - Dear Hill'ry don't cry - you've got Bill
Phil - I'm sure he can give you a thrill
Raak - With a Cuban cigar
Pablo - So nothing can mar
Bismarck - Your joy at the ring of the till.
Superman - That's it, for another four years
Marc - We'll hear nothing but wailing and tears
Bismarck - And old Lady Luck
Phil - Appears to be stuck
Pablo - And you're all quite correct in your fears
KagomeShuko - When all the "Trumpettes" start yelling foul
Giertrud - I'll cover my head with a towel
Rosie - You're donning a turban?
Phil - How quaintly suburban!
Bismarck - We Valley Girls wear "Hillary's cowl." that'll do.
Bismarck - Way up on a peak in the Andes
gil - Or down on the banks of the Ganges
Pablo - One stands and one stares
Rosie - One mutters one's prayers
Marc - While lighting regretful our candles...
Superman - The Siberian Filigree Hamster reveal
Raak - Foreshadows a rhyming disaster
Rosie - So I'll have an orange
Batman - One rose that is yellow
Bismarck - Schadenfreude to make Superman swear?
penelope - Tradition is seldom surpassed
Software - By stuff that relates to the past
Superman - Nostalgia is fine, reveal
Raak - Like a noble old wine
gil - But the future goes past rather fast
Marc - The meaning with Christmas I think
Raak - Is that it's a good time to drink
penelope - I can't be the first you're welcome
Stevie - With a seasonal thirst
gil - But that punch looks suspiciously pink.
Pablo - This year I'd like Santa to bring
Stevie - The album Herb Alpert Plays Swing
penelope - And a Rover P6
gil - A timepiece that ticks
Bismarck - And a furlong of Number Two string.
Superman - Scrooge said, "Now that old Marley's dead,"
Software - "His riches are now mine instead"
Raak - But three ghosts made him see
Stevie - Things quite differently
Bismarck - As one by one they turned up in his bed.
Marc - Bob Marley, a singer-songwriter,
Bismarck - Once asked me to lend him my lighter
Software - To stoke up his spliff
Superman - And I would've done - if
Rosie - I could find it. Where is it?, the blighter. I lose things, everything, all the time.
Stevie - While drinking a small glass of sack
Software - Guess who bumped into my back?
Pablo - A small, forlorn elf
Rosie - Who looked like Will Self
Bismarck - For both reasons, he went on the rack.
One for Stevie, as he asked :)
While I rode on the LIRR
Marc - I tuned my acoustic guitar
Pablo - To the key of B flat
Raak - As we all sat and sat
Software - But the train didn't move very far
penelope - Choose a chord, and then play it with speed
Pablo - A G minor sixth's what you need
Raak - Modulate to E flat
Software - F sharp with that
Stevie - A very nice ringtone indeed
Marc - [pPRSS] A masterpiece for cellphones indeed...
The Finger Print Lock for my phone
penelope - Will exclude any omi palone
Software - But if I lose my touch
Rosie - Or get drunk, or some such
Pablo - It unlocks with the right type of moan
Stevie - My telephone's battery is dead
Superman - So I think I'll try shouting instead.
Rosie - At least I won't squint
Software - Or cast it to print
Marc - That you put in the shredder unread
Marc - We will soon see another dictator
Anna - Little Donald, whose motto is "greater"
Raak - His first action will be
Pablo - To grope girls (two or three)
Bismarck - While tweeting "Obama's a traitor."
I just found a bunch of "fake news"
Bismarck - While tweeting "Obama's a traitor."
I just found a bunch of "fake news"
Software - According to Trump, it's abuse
Superman - And badly written, to boot
Bill - Himself to disrepute
Marc - The world thinks he has blown a fuse...
Projoy - Will they give him a standing ovation
Marc - Or just give him a straight flat castration
Pablo - I'm hoping the latter
penelope - Cos castratos are fatter
Chalky - So fat chance of shafting the nation
Raak - This Friday the First Trump will sound
Projoy - And our dreams will crash down to the ground
Marc - Cometh hail mixed with blood
Rosie - An avalanche of crud
Stevie - Or a dollar worth more than a pound
Projoy - But the man isn't president yet! 33 hours at the time of posting...
Projoy - Sorry, 45 if you count up to midday on 20th
Marc - Soon he is and to all that's a threat
Superman - The nukes do his bidding
Software - (Don't think he's kidding)
Stevie - And then it's Auf Wiedersehen, Pet
Marc - There once was a loudmouthed clown
Stevie - Who stuck his name all over town
Superman - On a poster that said
Bismarck - "Wanted: Living or Dead"
Projoy - They shot him, and then he piped down.
Marx - A big fat notorious lier
Engels - Is the state to which marrows aspire!
Trotsky - For every courge's
Blavatsky - Desire to be bourgeois
Stalin - Grinds the people down. Ready! Aim! Fryer!
Marc - My lies are alternative facts
Projoy - So your claim that my previous acts u.s.a.
gil - Are truly obnoxious
Raak - Is thoroughly poxious
Bismarck - Same to you, no returns, to the max.
Projoy - The last Jedi, alone on a hill
Stevie - Stared wildly at his cell phone bill
Juxtapose - His vast roaming charges
Raak - On spacefaring barges
Superman - So he hides - but they find him at will!
Stevie - In an X-wing outbound for the Death Star
Software - I was munching on a Mars® bar
Superman - When the Admiral said
Pablo - "Right - full steam ahead!"
Marc - Then we crashed into Star Alcazar
Bismarck - My august predecessor once said,
Pablo - "If you don't make a million, you're dead"
Stevie - Now I sell p3n1z p1llz
Superman - Made of porcupine quills
Marc - Will you test them tonite in your bed...?
Marc - "Dear Sir, I am not one of those"
Tuj - "Correspondents whose flowery prose"
penelope - Obfuscates my true meaning
Raak - My gist needs no gleaning
Rosie - It hits you right there, on the nose.
Pablo - My new novel will be out next week
Phil - For a giggle, I wrote it in Greek
Marc - And I used pseudonym
Sinnerella - Jakob Ludwig Karl Grimm
!J K Rowling - But the press let my real name leak.
Stevie - Christ almighty this bad weather sucks!
penelope - You'd think that El Niño's in flux!
Software - Snow, hail and fog
Raak - It's not fit for a dog
Bismarck - It's the fault of those pesky Canucks.
The Man In Black - My moped won't start, so these chocs
Kim - Won't stay very long in their box
penelope - A sweet compensation
Pablo - For utter frustration
Superman - With a martini, stirred, on the rocks.
Marc - Mister Bond with a license to kill
Simons Mith - Took position on top of Box Hill
Software - His Sig Sauer set ready
Pablo - His aiming arm steady
Raak - He knows there is no better thrill.
penelope - When it gales I'll mither and gall mis-using word types wild
Software - The mizzle will bother and fall
Bismarck - While rainth and sleetch fail
Simons Mith - It's time for the shail!
Rosie - And the frog shall obscure parts of Gaul.
Stevie - This coffee I made tastes like paint
Raak - And just a slight trace of boar taint
Rosie - I should have used water
penelope - 'Cos it clogs my aorta
Pablo - Can I sit down? I feel faint
Rosie - This paint I've just mixèd tastes sour
gil - I hope it won't spoil happy hour
Marc - Lemon juice is the base
Raak - With TiO2 paste
Pablo - With my tins of paint I make art
Stevie - With my jars of jam I make a tart
Kim - For my name's Jackson Pollock
Raak - And with my third bollock
Rosie - I'll redirect every fart.
Bismarck - Here's a few of my favourite things
Software - Suckers and contracts with strings It's the Trump in me coming out
Pablo - This ball of blue wool
Rosie - This pint glass that's full
Marc - And a nice poker hand with five Kings.
Marc - Have you heard the sensational news
Raak - There's a tax to be placed upon pews!
Stevie - A surcharge on the kneelers
Rosie - No discount for dealers
Software - So whatever you do, you will lose
Pablo - I hear that they plan to tax farts In honour of the government of my home nation, who several decades back proposed a fart tax on cows because of their methane emissions. Carn the Kiwis!
penelope - And use it to promote the arts
Superman - We'll be arty as hell
Rosie - Despite the foul smell oblig.
Kim - Emanating from our nether parts.
Bismarck - My kiwi is acting all strange
Stevie - Could be myxomatosis or mange
Simons Mith - I don't think it's rickets
Raak - Or harassment by prickets
Marc - More likely it's sex interchange.
Marc - I've been thinking of you ever since
Kim - You showed me those black and white prints
Software - Nostalgic it was
penelope - To remember, because
Pablo - They're before all those crap pastel tints
Raak - I remember that back in the day
Stevie - The catchphrase that people would say
Kim - Was "splash it all over!"
Marc - "Have a roll in the clover!"
Simons Mith - Or "Go ahead, punk, make my day."
Stevie - Nice one all. Simons Mith wins the internet.
Rosie - I spoke to the fellow in charge
Raak - About hiring a quinquireme barge
Juxtapose - He told me his boat
Software - Would just about float
Marc - And the slaves came without turbocharge.
Marc - When you're rowing make sure you've got oars
Tuj - Or you'll struggle to get to new shores
Superman - To the oars, add a boat
Rosie - One with rowlocks, please note
penelope - And some friends who can help - eights or fours
Kim - While trying to seduce Doris Day
Stevie - You were punched by Rock Hudson, you say?
Raak - It was all in good fun
Marc - I was dressed as a nun
Software - And everyone knows that he's gay
Pablo - At a hog roast I met Steve McQueen
Stevie - Where I told him his hog looked piss green
Software - So he took me aside
Marc - Said: "You'd better go hide,"
Killer - "Or I'll rip out and swallow your spleen."
Stevie - reveal
While watching the Titanic sink
Raak - I thought, "What I need's a stiff drink."
Simons Mith - So leave out the ice
Superman - And don't mind the price
Marc - Singing "Nearer, My God, to Thee", I think.
Marc - Raise your voice let us all sing along
Pablo - As the world goes to hell, sing this song:
Kim - "Toodle-oo, toodle-ay",
Raak - "Zippa-do-dah, de-ay"
Software - But it won't stop things going wrong
Bismarck - If you sing "Rule Britannia" off-key
penelope - You'll upset the world order, you see
Marc - So you'd better shut up
Pablo - And just drink a cup
Stevie - Of thick, brown, lukewarm NAAFI tea
Pablo - Gadzooks! Odds bods! Lack-a-day!
Stevie - I was just now outbid on ebay!
Software - The thing that I want
Raak - Pour ma fille débutante
Juxtapose - Was sniped, but that's fine - I can't pay.
Rosie - I talk to the trees, but in vain
Tuj - I get blanked (is that planked?), in the main
Marc - Though one answer I've got
Pablo - Is that they all talk rot
Stevie - Ooh! Must run! It's the Whitecoats again!
Pablo - The voice in my head said last night
Superman - "You ain't Einstein, now would I be right?"
KagomeShuko - For all of the thinkin'
Raak - And smokin' and drinkin'
Marc - Deceive me to think that I'm bright.
penelope - P, S, Ks, R, M - splendid.
Whenever there's lightning about
Software - Your golf club do not wave about
Bismarck - For Zeus hates the game
Raak - And you'll be to blame
KagomeShuko - When you've been reduced to grout.
Stevie - When it's cold up at 'mill, then it's time
Pablo - To drink a large lager and lime
penelope - In the Rover's Return Oblig.
Rosie - (Some folk never learn)
Marc - To enjoy and live life - it's springtime!
Bismarck - From "Pea and honey...", a quatrain that was rejected owing to its limerick-nature.
My ancient Marina still goes
Raak - Like an elephant in its last throes reveal
Rosie - With motion unsteady
Pablo - I still get it ready
Marc - With or without any clothes...
Marc - We will sail with the tide, get aboard
Pablo - Bring your pirate hat, rum, and your sword
Kim - Practice "Gyarr!" and "Landlubberrr!"
Juxtapose - You scurvy deck-scrubber,
Simons Mith - Till your accent is slightly less flawed
Tuj - The echo in here is quite odd
Raak - I said "Who's there?" and got the reply "God."
penelope - My hearing aid batt'ry
Software - Straight from the fact'ry
Marc - I am sure was an ungodly fraud.
Bismarck - In the the Liverpool Echo today
Pablo - "Ken Dodd Has Been Charged With Affray"
Software - The Diddy Men claim
Raak - That his pantomime dame
KagomeShuko - Started it with her hairspray.
Pablo - Meanwhile, oop north in York
Simons Mith - Adele had a battle wi' Bjork I know that's not how Bjork would pronounce 'Bjork', but by 'eck it is 'ow a Yorkshireman'd say it.
Stevie - They both donned t' clogs
Superman - Took t'bats and t'dogs
penelope - They don't care how the neighbours will talk
Rosie - When Shakespeare put pen to paper
Software - He could write a jolly good caper
Pablo - With lots of cross-dressing
KagomeShuko - That had the queen's blessing
gil - And swordfights with epée or sabre.
Pablo - Gadzooks, forsooth and odds bods!
Stevie - Facebook posters are miserable sods
Rosie - They say "Look at mee"
KagomeShuko - And, "Wow, you're sexy!"
Software - And post pictures of food - well, ye gods!
penelope - See my mouse! See my fresh Charlotte russe! I'll give you pictures of food... and internal rhymes on every line too!
Superman - As with gusto I wave my wand thus! You're catching an accent there if "mouse" rhymes with "russe", pen...
Bismarck - Hey presto! They're gone!
penelope - Dammit, I meant 'mousse'!!!
Rosie - It's a visual con
Marc - Then she left with the five o'clock bus...
Marc - Then the busdriver asked: " Who are you?"
Raak - I said I was from Timbuctu
penelope - And I wanted a ticket
Pablo - He said "Don't be thick, it.....
Stevie - Costs four quid. You only dropped two.
penelope - Who knows where the fifty nine goes? While we're on the buses - see what I did there?
Software - Check the front, that's where it shows
Raak - "Timbuctu via Kent"
Stevie - Why, it seems heaven-sent!
Rosie - A des(s)ert of apples. Who knows?
Bismarck - And then three came along, all at once
penelope - A burglar, a vandal, a nonce sorrysorrysorry
Marc - In a cell they were placed
Stevie - Spun three times, and then faced
Pablo - A chap who was clearly a ponce. What other rhyme is there?
penelope - It's my fault things are as they are
Software - You could have done better by far
Superman - By ignoring me quite
Stevie - A lot out of spite A torch burning there in the sconce / A man who clubbed me in the bonce
Bismarck - If I could change Stevie's line to It's done out of spite:
Signed: Beelzebub. BWAHAHAHAA!
penelope - [Bizzers] Mate, you can't. If you can't work with the line provided, step back and let someone else do it. Ironic really, given that this Lim is all about 'you could have done better' innit?
Stevie - [Bismarck] Your replacement line doesn't really follow the previous one smoothly in my reading of it, providing a mental derailment when the whole limerick is read through. Good finish though.
Bismarck - I live and learn. [Stevie] "Quite" as in "completely", and it would need a semicolon. So a poor effort overall.
penelope - There's no choice to make but live and learn
Stevie - Said the discouraged author Jules Verne
penelope - sotto voce Funny, that first lined scanned this morning when I wrote it
Stevie - There's no CHOICE to make BUT live and LEARN
said the DIScouraged AUTHor jules VERNE. Where's the problem? Nine syllables each line. Stress on each third syllable. Job done.
Rosie - (pen) Have you been at those Hobnobs again? That first line is far too long. What about
No choice but to live and to learn
Said discouragèd author Jules Verne.
Pablo - So he threw down his pen
Software - Resigned there and then
Marc - After final full stop he adjourned.
KagomeShuko - Tom Stoppard wrote plays that are puzzling
Juxtapose - And summarized thusly: "man does thing"
Bismarck - His philosophy is
Software - 'Tho this ain't a quiz
Stevie - That breasts are for guzzling and nuzzling. Coat!
Stevie - One day as I ran for my train
Pablo - With an unusual thought in my brain
drquuxum - "Why is Brian Billick…" Do-or-do-not Rhyme declared. It's good to be back.
Rosie - So useless at Cyrillic"
Kim - Then I tripped and my ankle did ??????
Kim - Wot happened there? I wrote "sprain" in Cyrillic; it looked fine on preview and then went awry when I clicked "Stand".
Stevie - I guess you sprained the website.
Raak - [Kim] This is a frequently encountered ????????.
Raak - Something not quite ?????? about the Unicode ?????????.
Rosie - The ultimate fate of all glass
Pablo - (Mostly that of the "superfine" class)
Stevie - Is to be blown and then cut sailor
Giertrud - And to wound someone's butt
KagomeShuko - While not being mistaken for brass.
Bismarck - I don't really care for this rain:
Rosie - Loudly I curse but in vain
drquuxum - But still, it is better
penelope - It's finer and wetter
Software - But not as warm as in Spain
Marc - The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain
Raak - But five iambs do not make limerick metre.
Marc (sorry Raak) - The rain doesn't fall here in Spain
Stevie - A god job too; there's only one drain
Rosie - It's blocked up with leaves
Software - "Get it clear, Jeeves!"
drquuxum - "Or we'll be flooded all the way to the Seine!"

Raak - At a meeting in Trumpton town hall
Marc - Was decided to hold a great ball
Software - So Barney McGrew
drquuxum - Did all he could do
Stevie - Makin' moves, takin' names, standin' tall
Rosie - Now harken ye unto my words bit pissed actually
drquuxum - That fly from my mouth like the birds
Raak - Do each to each other
Marc - Though I'm your big brother
Anna - You're swimming this pond filled with turds
Bismarck - Five pints and two limoncellos
penelope - For myself and these very fine fellows
Stevie - Lads and lassies; A toast!
Pablo - We salute our great host
Marc - Who's the owner of these fine bordellos...
Stevie - When it rains, like it did here last week
Raak - With no paddle, I'm up the creek
Giertrud - The Thames is all flooded
Rosie - London's all muddied
Pablo - Perhaps the Flood Plan needs a tweak?
Rosie - Whilst taking some stuff to the dump
Stevie - My car coughed up its fuel pump
Raak - So I dumped the car too
Bismarck - In this outside loo
Software - Next time on a bus I will hump
Kim - A dirty old man on a bus
Raak - Held his belly in place with a truss
Giertrud - This thing itches, said he
Pablo - As he scratched his left knee
Rosie - Which promptly oozed mountains of pus.
penelope - A dirty old man on a train We might as well work our way through all of this in one go then move onto something more tasteful.
Software - In a raincoat 'though there's no rain
Pablo - Attracted attention
Knobbly - But I'm loath to mention
drquuxum - The revelation his knobby old cane Mine's the Pitt jacket, thanks

Superman - My Tinder account has been hacked
Pablo - My front patch of lawn has been fracked
drquuxum - My driveway undermined
Raak - My steeple inclined
Simons Mith - …Has my Guardian Angel been sacked?
Pablo - I've heard of a dastardly plot
drquuxum - Of drones to be hacked and taught     Silly little things.
Raak - Airborne death from above
Marc - Like a turd from a dove ?
Rosie - Sounds sweet but stinks quite a lot. (DrQ) Interesting use of this.
Stevie - [Rosie] The Low Back Merger. Snigger.
Software - Facebook's become quite a bore
Stevie - And Twitter just seems like a chore
Giertrud - Instagram; MySpace;
Pablo - (which is out of the race)
drquuxum - And Tumblr and G+ I abhor!
Stevie - As I rub-a-dub-dubbed in my tub reveal
Raak - In the bath fell my USB hub
Kim - I lost my connection
Pablo - And a very small section Obviousness avoidance invoked
Phil - Of data, then started to blub
Raak - On the thirty-third day of September
Marc - We were told, and will always remember:
Pablo - Tis the Feast of St. Bart
Bismarck - When there's cucumber tart
Software - From now till the end of December
Bismarck - I once took a trip to Penzance
Pablo - Just to by a brand new pair of pants
Stevie - With a piratey flair
Raak - And a glittery glare
Marc - Then I found in my pants there were ants
Pablo - I've booked a staycation in Tring
Marc - Come what may - we will make anything
Software - Until it Herts
penelope - In my Google alerts 'Say what you see' Dusty Bin wildcard invoked
Superman - To see TripAdvisor's rating. - "Get out of logical framework free" card played
Software - Today when I opened my post
Raak - It got smeared with some hot buttered toast Never open letters at the breakfast table.
Superman - The letter inside
Pablo - Was sixteen feet wide
Marc - 'twas a note of demand from my host.
Marc - "Dear Sir, it's regarding your rent,"
Tuj - "We need currency, sir, not intent"
penelope - "Your kids as security"
Raak - "To ensure their futurity"
Stevie - "Is a legal non-starter (in Kent)"
Stevie - I remember it cost two pound ten
Pablo - But that was in - oh, way back when
Software - We used L s d
Rosie - Now it's pound coins and pee
Superman - Here's a cheque. Can I borrow your pen?
Bismarck - I pay with my smartphone, you see
Marc - I'm a smartass, there's no one like me
Rosie - But my phone cost a bomb
Software - I said with aplomb
Pablo - It's a shame that it's only 2G
Rosie - I have to inform you, young man
Superman - That if you drink beer from a can
Software - You'll lose the scent
Pablo - So if that's your intent
Stevie - You can get in the back of the van!
Superman - That blank look takes over my face
Rosie - When someone says they play bass
Marc - Or fondle their fiddle
penelope - Or drums a paradiddle
Pablo - And it's time to get out of this place.
Mugabe (Marc) - Within short I will make a comeback
Bismarck - Papa baffs na go give um dey sack declaring pidgin wild
Stevie - All along the Zambezi
penelope - I'll make it look easy
Software - Because I just have the knack
KagomeShuko - My guardian angel looks down with fright.
Raak - At the things I get up to at night
Software - Under cover of dark
Superman - I sneak to the park
Falstaff - And give the shins of lovers a smite.
Pablo - From next door, there's an awfully loud din
Raak - As the neighbours play drums on their bin
Stevie - With saucepan lid cymbals
Software - Played loud with thimbles
Marc - While I jam on my old mandolin. (Hi George!)
Marc - There once was a talented writer
penelope - Whose fans thought her such a delighter
CdM - That at her book signing
Pablo - They just stood there, pining
Stevie - For the off-chance they each might just sighter
Stevie - These new Kindle e-book hacks suck "hack" as in bad writer; they abound in the Kindle self-publishing world.
Superman - On lemons as they write their muck
Rosie - The resulting acidity crap scansion
Software - Ends in lividity
Raak - At the rubbish you get for your buck.
Marc - Five Bitcoins I've got in my purse
Software - They're better than cash - quite perverse
Pablo - For they're not really real
Bismarck - Though easy to steal
Juxtapose - They're easy to spend, and that's worse.
Marc - There's a hole in my new christmas sock
Giertrud - That fits snugly around my cock
Rosie - However, it itches
Pablo - When inside my britches
Raak - So I line it with large leaves of dock.
Moving swiftly on...
Raak - Let us think of the coming New Year
Rosie - And deck ourselves out in flash gear
Marc - And I promise you this
penelope - I won't take the piss sorrysorrysorry - it was asking to be done
Pablo - Which means that I won't be a Peer (Claims Worst Pun of 2018 So Far Award)
Marc - Now I've shuffled the deck - will you deal?
Pablo - With twenty-five cards? You for real?
Superman - With no aces or kings
penelope - We've no arrows nor slings
Rosie - But fortune outrageous, I feel.
Pablo - So, now the New Year's under way and no naval types try to tell me it's "weigh" please...
Stevie - And I've escaped the vile Opus Dei If we are talking the Warring States period of China, it could be "under Wei"
Marc - So our future is bright
Raak - To pursue the good fight
Rosie - To bury Theresa May.
Dujon - There are Tories and Whigs at my door Seeing as we are going political
Marc - In big herds never seen heretofore
Rosie - For Tandridge foments chance'd be a fine thing
Superman - 'Midst back bench laments
Pablo - While we blankly ask "What's it all for?"
Rosie - In Bangalore there's someone called George
Raak - Who went to the Marble Rocks Gorge
Pablo - Where he laid out his tea
Kim - At a quarter past three
Dujon - With Messner, Mutschlechner and Dorje.
Juxtapose - There once was a thinker named Kant
Superman - Who encountered a large elephant
Rosie - Which viewed him suspiciously
KagomeShuko - Then charged him quite viciously reveal
Stevie - Hence Africa: A Mad Kant 'Phant Rant.
CdM - When I was a child in 8th grade
KagomeShuko - My one wish was to see a parade
Pablo - Where the Grenadier Guards
Kim - Would light their petards
Rosie - And put Manneken Pis in the shade.
Dujon - He made once a shocking mistake
Rosie - Confusing the clutch with the brake
Software - The resulting collision
Marc - Caused a minor division
Anna - Of his spine which then gave him a backache.
Rosie - When the moon goes into eclipse
Dujon - As it orbits its usual elipse
Raak - Its super blue blood
Pablo - Turns the colour of mud
Marc - The same colour as Aunt Hilda's lips...
Marc - Her lips filled with Botox were blue
Dujon - Like those of my other aunt, Sue
Pablo - And her daughter, young Shelley,
Stevie - (Who's been on the telly)
Bismarck - Got the same effect from a tattoo.
Raak - It will soon be St Valentine's Day
Marc - And every chaste maiden cries HOORAY!
Dujon - But a bunch of dead roses
penelope - Shoved under their noses
Software - Won't take their chasteness away
Kim - [Software]: "chase", surely?
Juxtapose - I once, in the season of Lent,
Superman - Spent thirty-nine days in a tent:
penelope - Eating corned beef and beans
Pablo - With a helping of greens
Raak - And sat with my bum to the vent.
penelope - On the last day of Lent I gave in
Pablo - I was getting quite dangerously thin
Raak - So I binged on ice cream
Stevie - "Wild thinged" the whole team
Software - Then threw up in the bin
LimCopper - And then threw it all up in the bin.
Pablo - Could today be the first day of Spring?
Juxtapose - We'll know just by checking one thing:
Raak - Has the groundhog appeared?
Marc - If he has he is weird!
Software - If not his hook he can sling
penelope - There's never much snow on the ground
Pablo - At least, not where I'm to be found
Raak - In far Timbuctu
Software - Where I sit on the loo
Rosie - Performing while folks gather round.
blamelewis - I once met a chap in Tibet
Superman - Who flew around on a carpet
Marc - Levitation you know
Raak - Is a nodding dog's show (I'm taking a carpet to be a small stuffed animal sitting on the parcel shelf.
Pablo - Well, just how kitsch can you get?
Stevie - There was a young man from Goonhilly   Family Show declared.
Superman - Who did something ever so silly
blamelewis - At old Jodrell Bank Careful now...
Simons Mith - Well, I gotta be frank
Juxtapose - He lip-synced to Milli Vanilli
Stevie - Well done! Everyone pick up their Whitehouse Awards at the door.
Stevie - 'Tis true that there's snow on the roof
Pablo - And it's bleedin' cold aht, that's the troofEastenders variation invoked
blamelewis - So if that mahfy cahhh
Rosie - Wiv an arse like a saa
Kim - Shouts "brass monkeys", well, she's just uncouth.
Stevie - It's snowing again. What a thrill
Bismarck - To go jingle my bells with a will
Pablo - As I ride on my sleigh
Marc - As I did Christmas day
Santa - Now it's over - please hand me that pill...
Stevie - Left hand down a bit. All stop. REVERSE!
Software - Navigation? Well this is perverse!
blamelewis - Is the blindfold essential?
Rosie - It tests your potential
Marc - Of posting your lines in free verse...
Pablo - Good grief, is the sun coming out?
Software - It's not - so shudda your mouth!
Raak - This wintery spring
Marc - When the birds ceased to sing
Juxtapose - Has put 'Global Warming' in doubt (the author would like to acknowledge that weather is not the same as climate)
Superman - In Downing Street there's this old girl
Raak - Whose life is a dizzying whirl
Marc - With her mates Don and Boris https://img.huffingtonpost.com/asset/59bfe4ba1a00007100f073b5.jpeg?ops=scalefit_630_noupscale
Stevie - Dancing the Brexit Morris
Pablo - But the sight will just make you hurl
Stevie - Lord Buckethead, now. There's a fellow
Pablo - He seems to be quite sane and mellow
Raak - But his good friend Lord Sutch
Marc - Was a little too much
Penelope - He wouldn’t just scream, he would bellow.
KagomeShuko - The news of today is insane
Juxtapose - Some doctor transplanted his brain
Rosie - Leaving him dead
penelope - Wi' nowt in his head
Stevie - Is it time for elections again?
Stevie - Have ye seen the white whale that I seek?
Raak - I heard it wis here just last week
Simons Mith - It usually lurks
blamelewis - By the old plankton works
Rosie - Which made ten tons a day at its peak.
Stevie - I like that one. Crisps all round.
blamelewis - [Stevie] Thanks! crunch Mmm. Plankton.
I fear I must write in complaint.
KagomeShuko - That they're calling Churchill a saint.
Rosie - 'Cos everyone knows
Pablo - From his head to his toes
Stevie - The complaint re: this "saint" is:- He ain't!
Juxtapose - In Limerick once lived a lad
Knobbly - Whose personal hygiene was bad
Stevie - 'Twas said that his stench
Rosie - Could be sensed by the French
blamelewis - And drove all within twenty feet mad.
Pablo - I asked a French mate about that
Stevie - He sucked on his teeth and then spat
Rosie - "Ça me fait chier"
Bismarck - "De sentir ses pieds"
Marc - And that was the end of our chat.
Marc - Body language is hard to ignore
Raak - Like the way that you just slammed the door
blamelewis - I get the impression
Stevie - You've succumbed to depression
Software - And don't give a toss anymore
Stevie - Nice one everyone. Crisps all round.
Pablo - I spread joy as much as I can
Stevie - (It's easy in my ice cream van)
blamelewis - The power of a flake
Superman - Or sprinkles will make
KagomeShuko - You feel much more like a man
Marc - I am sure that it was a mistake
Raak - To serve ice-cream on top of a steak
Juxtapose - My meat à la mode
Pablo - And the juices which flowed
Bismarck - Proved my Michelin star was a fake.
Stevie - May the fourth be with you and your clan
Rosie - Today's May the fifth; change of plan
KagomeShuko - But we'll still catch a ride
Pablo - On the outgoing tide
Marc - Sailing fourth in a black garbage can...
Marc - My Yacht "Miss 4 Sail" is for sale,
Pablo - She's a great little boat for a male
Stevie - She's sleek, trim and yar
penelope - For some pretty Jack Tar
Rosie - But will sink without trace in a gale.
Pablo - I'd quite like to buy a new boat
Juxtapose - For sailing around in my moat
penelope - I'd be out with the tide
Stevie - And the laundry beside
Superman - Is efficiently washed as I float.
Marc - At the Inn named "Y Knot" in old Cowes
Pablo - Sat a sailor with knotty eyebrows
Raak - He’d accost every stranger
Rosie - With "You - Percy Grainger?"
Bismarck - When he'd drunk more than five curaçãos.
Superman - What is your pleasure, then? It's my round.
Stevie - At this, the old codger just frowned
Pablo - "I'll give this one a miss"
blamelewis - "For I'm off to the loo"
Marc - To piddle all beer I have downed.
Raak - A cold shower's a good start to the day
Marc - Or a swim in the cold Hudson Bay
Pablo - Just slap on some grease
Stevie - Point the satnav at "Nice"
Chalky - And tuck all your tackle away
Rosie - The occasional bellowed profanity
Raak - Shall not discommode our urbanity
Marc - Though we know that it will
Chalky - If it's heard in Seville
KagomeShuko - Because they lack basic humanity
Dujon - I remember a chap from Brazil
Raak - Who claimed to have found Yggdrasil
Chalky - Unfortunately
Marc - twa's exorbitantly
Stevie - Faked from paper-stuffed cavalry twill
Bismarck - I once met this god from Olympia
Rosie - Whose garb could not have been skimpier
KagomeShuko - In wine, he would swim
Pablo - Thus keeping in trim
Stevie - Though his drunkenness made him seem wimpia
Rosie - I have here a one-metre rule
Dujon - That has ferules that are really quite cool
penelope - And a legible grading
Pablo - (Although it's now fading)
Marc - After long frequent use in the school
Ruler -
Marc - I don't think that I've seen one of those
penelope - Being used in the way that you chose
Rosie - But improvisation
Raak - Gets my acclamation
Dujon - As a wonderful artistic pose
Pablo - Now these you can buy by the yard
Stevie - They start soft but then go really hard
Rosie - They're not thixotropic
Raak - Nor yet hygroscopic
Marc - CDs with the movies "Die Hard"
Superman - In my youth, I would go around with
Rosie - A load of yobs from Penrith Pedanticus writes: It has to be pointed out that the "th" in "with" is voiced, making strict rhyming impossible. Using Welsh is not possible because the stress would be on the wrong syllable. The only solution to this impasse is to assume marked Caledonian chararcteristics on the part of Superman
KagomeShuko - Although we came via reveal
penelope - The Mull of Kintyre oblig.
Stevie - No-one among us was a sound-smith
8o/
Superman - I was hoping we'd get a Sith in there somewhere.
Rosie - (KagShu) I'd say the difference is like the difference between the th's in thing and there, this, that etc. I don't think there's any difference between American and British English on this point.
Stevie - [Superman] You can hope, and you can stack the deck with a difficult rhyme in the first line, but in the end you get no more say in the finished product than if you'd played a move that offered wide-open possibilities to everyone else.
Stevie - In my youth I'd knock about
Raak - With the grandson of Ebenezer Prout
Pablo - He was fun, was young Fred,
Marc - It's so sad, now he's dead,
Rosie - He was, though, a bit of a lout. highly unlikely
Rosie - (Raak) I have here a copy of Prout's "Counterpoint, Strict and Free". It was bought by my Dad in Tunbridge Wells and he has put the date (Jan 18 1941) and his name and address on the flyleaf. The address is in Crowborough, where I was born, but I've no idea if it was where I lived for the first two years or whether it was in one or both of two other addresses in said town. Should've asked - bit late now. Prout's volume you could call "severe".
Raak - My father, a violinist, had a copy, and my brother, a cellist, no doubt looked into it during his musical education. I was always puzzled by where all of these rules came from and what their purpose was, but I could never get an explanation.
Raak - On steps to Parnassus I climb
Marc - Just taking one step at a time
Rosie - I breathe the thin air
Dujon - As Fux he did dare
Pablo - To write seven-part fugues: so sublime!
Pablo - [Raak] The "rules" spring from what is considered consonant and dissonant, views of which have changed throughout musical history. Hence you can end up with a fugue like that in Walton's 1st Symphony, which would have Prout screaming in his grave. All good clean fun
Rosie - (Pablo) Never double the seventh. Beethoven does it all the time.
Rosie - I tried my hand at the flute
Dujon - As well as the ven'rable lute
Marc - After while I gave up
blamelewis - And took to the cup
Simons Mith - - And that was a lot more astute
Pablo - [Rosie] Be even more daring and have the 7th rise!
Pablo - I once wrote a charming duet
penelope - And performed as a crooning cruet Leaving every other rhyme for 'duet' available for subsequent contributors. I'm all heart.
Stevie - I made quite a showofit following penelope's lead, but see source for suggestions if you think you just bluet
CdM - Or at least made a goofit To my reading duet is a masculine rhyme, so all that needs to be rhymed is the final syllable
Rosie - And got to the end with no sweat. (CdM) Agreed. Didn't know that was called "masculine"
Stevie - But it's more fun the other way, and the ending begged for some suet.
Superman - [Stevie] I refer you to your own comment in this forum last week... you can beg for suet all you like!
Stevie - Very truet.
Stevie - Won't someone please give me some suet?
Software - I once had a packet but blew it
Juxtapose - While chewing the fat
Raak - I found a dead rat
Marc - That I grilled in a lickety split.
Marc - Grilled rat is a delicious meal
Stevie - When served on a bed of fried seal
Rosie - Do not overcook it Anticipating a marked boreal presence
KagomeShuko - And immediately book it
Pablo - Before it has time to congeal and now, for some taste....
penelope - Bon viveur? How I mean to live well!
Bismarck - Champagne Charlie thinks I'm quite a swell
Software - I'll be quaffing the bubbles
Kim - And downing the doubles
Rosie - But don't overdo it, Ma'moiselle.
KagomeShuko - A sip of the bubbly's divine
Pablo - But cabernet's equally fine
Simons Mith - And Asti is nishe
Stevie - If'sh kept on ishe
Marc - Though Château d’Yquem is top of the line. (Anno 1811...)
Marc - A pint IPA, if you please
penelope - And some crisps - make them onions and cheese
Raak - And for my good friend here
Rosie - Teetotal, I fear
Stevie - Juice of orange, with ice, freshly squeezed.
Bismarck - A round of the optics is just
penelope - What you need when your business went bust
( o ) ( o ) - It will make you see clearly
Marc - And we ask you sincerely
penelope - Do you give a shit? We’re not fussed. whoever drew the tits as their moniker, would you please not do it again? Thanks.
Marc - On a bright Monday morning like this
Stevie - One feels that one would be remiss
Dujon - Not to breathe the fresh air
KagomeShuko - Or pick a ripe pear
Pablo - And set forth on a day full of bliss if only...
Raak - Gad! The heat! And the dust! And the flies!
Stevie - And the moans and the groans and the cries!
Marc - And the tropical nights
Simons Mith - And these nylon tights!
Rosie - All this for the Man Booker Prize.
Stevie - When hit in the face with a cod
blamelewis - You must keep a firm grip on your rod [Raak, Stevie, Marc, Simons Smith, Rosie] I liked that one, especially the end - bravo...
Rosie - Which sounds a bit bawdy
penelope - If you're northern or Geordie
CdM - But for everyone else just sounds odd
Simons Mith - The fighting technique of the hake
Dujon - Is not that unlike that of a rake
Bismarck - It lies peacefully there
KagomeShuko - Without any flair
Marc - And then suddenly strike like a snake.
Pablo - I'll tell you about my pet shark
Raak - It will bite off your head for a lark
KagomeShuko - And fingers are tasty
blamelewis - So my bathing's hasty
Marc - While the shark barely marked poor old Marc
Marc - Ten fingers but only nine toes,
Rosie - If you're a diver then that's how it goes
Stevie - When the dreaded bends
Pablo - strikes, it often portends
Chalky - The poet's descent into prose
KagomeShuko - When we've been away at the beach
Dujon - I've tried hard my children to teach
Marc - Not to play with the sharks
Stevie - (Who're known for their larks)
Raak - Nor to pick up and eat a live leech.
Superman - A dose of the old writer's block
Dujon - Does not mean that s/he's now an old crock
Raak - Take a break, smell a rose
Stevie - Drop a rock on your toes What? I get very creative with improvised speech when I do this
Marc - And continue to brood 'round the clock
blamelewis - The best beer is brewed round the clock
Pablo - But you could be in for a shock
Stevie - When straining the wort
KagomeShuko - Finding it's made from yo-gort I know, it's very bad, but come on - https://www.foodandwine.com/beer/how-to-make-beer-from-yogurt
Raak - With green squidgy lumps — mind your frock!
Marc - After drinking one beer you pee three
Dujon - Maybe you do but, truly, not me
Anna - 'cause I drink only wine
Software - So my bladder is fine
Kim - I drink Scotch, so my wee is, well... wee.
Pablo - Here's a tip for making an ale
Kim - Out of mushrooms, old socks and a snail
Stevie - Add a pinch - just a pinch -
Raak - Of penny-an-inch A rare variety of heather whose dried roots are used as a herb. Its Scottish folk name derives from it being considered a great extravagance.
Rosie - And boil it all up in a pail. (Raak) Cheaper than HS2 nevertheless.
Software - Home brew can be quite a hobby
Marc - At least if you are not too snobby
Pablo - You can make a nice stout
Stevie - From a well-aged breech-clout
Rosie - But beware when you do your next jobbie.
KagomeShuko - While drinking at home is just fine
Projoy - You shouldn't be doing a line.
Raak - But Vitamin L   may variously refer to lifestyle, light, love, or LSD
Marc - From my artesian well
Pablo - May lead to substantial decline
Superman - The vitamins A, B and C
Rosie - Are absent in Worthington E
Marc - About B I'm not sure?
Stevie - How it's made? What it's for?
Simons Mith - And is it worth 2 points or 3?
Marc - "Oh my dear, have you got one of those?"
Pablo - "I had one, which got stuck up my nose"
Superman - But I've one nostril free
Stevie - Which is crucial, you see,
Dujon - Should I wish to smell a wild rose
Superman - Step 1: take part A and part G
Marc - Step 2: Screw them gently on B
KagomeShuko - And if you've no idea
Giertrud - Just ring up IKEA
Pablo - You'll be put through to Sweden - for free!
Stevie - This flatpack has just saved the day! Well done everyone, especially on the last three lims
Pablo - Especially as Gran's on her way
Superman - It's a beautiful coffin
Bismarck - To send her off in Ta, Super, set up nicely there :)
Marc - On her way to the far Milky Way. Sorry Gran, see you soon out there...
Juxtapose - The first-ever granny in space
Raak - Took a brolly with her, just in case
Pablo - Of rain upon Mars
Marc - Or dust from the Stars
Stevie - Spoiling her heirloom white lace
Rosie - My mother said that I should not
Raak - Complain of my God-given lot
Software - But I feel I'm deprived
Pablo - As I have not arrived
CdM - Where by now I should surely have got
KagomeShuko - Five cats, three dogs, and a moose
Pablo - Were misguidedly let on the loose
Rosie - They frightened the horses
Superman - And caused two divorces
Software - And trampled all over my goose
Superman - How do you get down from a duck? holds breath
Pablo - It's largely a matter of luck keep holding
KagomeShuko - One foot on the ground
Raak - Then spin right around
Marc - And beware not to crash in the muck.
Pablo - I've a worrisome growth on my knee
KagomeShuko - It measures a foot, inches three.
Software - I should go to the doc
Rosie - He'll laugh and he'll mock
Juxtapose - (It's shaped like a banjo, you see) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oh!_Susanna
Bismarck - My doctor just gave me this pill
Marc - That was made by a tribe in Brazil
Raak - I see machine elves reveal
Rosie - Indulging themselves
Pablo - To the point where they make themselves ill
Rosie - I'm trapped in this 'ere Klein bottle
Simons Mith - And my only companion's a wattle
Pablo - It's lonely in here
Marc - And I've run out of beer
Raak - A little won't do, but a lot'll.
Marc - If your glass is half full - ask for more
Pablo - There's plenty more booze in the store
Kim - But if they run out
Raak - You need not fear a drought
Stevie - There's a cellar-full under this floor
Pablo - The "trend" is now artisan gin
Software - I hate it, don't count me in
Raak - It's flavoured with sprouts
Bismarck - And it gives you bouts
Superman - Of hives, as it says on the tin.
Marc - Have you heard that the jailbirds don't sing?
Pablo - Except for the ones in "E" wing
Rosie - Who'd better watch out
Software - They've got all the snout
Anna - Though the Warden just found their bling-bling.
Superman - I've a bee in my bonnet this morn
Rosie - 'Bout the number of voles being born
Bismarck - In our Highlands pristine somehow just started reading that with a Scots accent and it just went on
Software - So loved by our queen
Pablo - Where the owls that eat voles have all gorn finishing in a silly upper-class accent
Raak - There once was a scholar of Erse
Dujon - Who studied the odd and perverse
Rosie - For instance the tuba
Marc - And the grammar of Luba
KagomeShuko - To find mysteries of our universe.
Pablo - Behold! I can see a great light
Raak - 'Tis a beacon of hope in the night
Software - But hang on a mo'
Marc - 'cause your eyes are aglow
Stevie - In the mirror they make quite a sight
Superman - An owl brought a letter today
Simons Mith - From the timelords of old Gallifrey
Bismarck - The message ran: "Who"
Raak - "Might be able to do"
Pablo - Miracles? - it ain't Mrs May"
Juxtapose - I once knew a lady named Claire
Marc - So sweet and polite - but beware
Pablo - Her angelic smile
Rosie - Displayed with much guile
Simons Mith - Did not touch her thousand-yard stare.
Pablo - A request for Santa this year:
Stevie - A little less reeking of beer
Marc - "Oh my dear, it's too late,"
Raak - "For the Beer Keg of Fate"
Rosie - "Meets the Bibulous Beardie," I fear.
Stevie - What to do with all this fruit cake? DadaDAH(smallpaws)aDAHdadaDAH was how it ran in my head
Raak - It's a mountain that dwarfs the wine lake
Superman - And this turkey, what's more
Bismarck - Could feed forty-four
KagomeShuko - I think I'll have a stomachache!
Marc - Whenever you're drinking too much
Bismarck - You can be sure that your rhymes will go futsch or phutsch
Chalky - Your speech will then schlur
Pablo - You'll pause with "oh er...."
Rosie - But the courage you'll have will be Dutch
Superman - Falling gracefully off of my horse
Rosie - My language was of course coarse (Superman) I get a strong feeling you have tried to start a Pea and Honey Recipes.
Marc - And the bump in my head
Dujon - Which my grandmother read
Stevie - Told a tale of coarse horse course remorse
- - nice
Chalky - Instead of just taking a bite
Stevie - Grab a mouthful with gusto tonight
Juxtapose - Your brash mastication
Rosie - Is a sure indication
Software - That back from the pub you're quite tight
Dujon - The pen of a pig is a sty
Raak - The pen of a writer asks "Why?"
Stevie - A pen-aid-ed shell
Marc - As a cell we can smell
Bismarck - And there's one pen who waved us goodbye.
Pablo - The last thing I do before bed
Raak - Is to check that I'm still not quite dead
Rosie - The result of this test
Software - Along with the rest
Marc - Makes me feel that I'm still newlywed...
Marc - Have you noticed Spring is on its way
Anna - Well it's early - come when it's May
Rosie - No, come now, I'm frozen
Software - Vests by the do-zen
Chalky - Just who led this winter astray? mercy killing
Marc - You must always make sure you are right
Chalky - When walking The High Line at night
Pablo - Should you lose your direction
Stevie - Just ask a policeman reveal
Software - Who'll tell you "Hey Mac, take a hike"
Rosie - My cat is a fearsome ratter
Pablo - And eats other animal matter
Stevie - Disgusting? I'll say!
Software - Please take it away
Marc - To a place where old cats are made flatter... ;-)
Marc - If you're aiming to get a flat belly
Raak - Give up Coke, burgers, beer, and the telly
Software - And go for a run
Rosie - Don't eat that bun
Stevie - Though I think you can binge-out on jelly
Juxtapose - A cynic who lived in a jar reveal
Stevie - Smoked Capstan Untipped (they're high tar)
Pablo - Drank unfiltered beer
Marc - But what's more severe
Raak - Drove a Volkswagen diesel-fueled car.
Stevie - laffed out loud. Well done everyone
Stevie - This reprobate jar-living bloke
Rosie - Ridiculed orthodox folk (Juxt) I thought Dodgynees was a retired footballer
Superman - Alexander the Great
Bismarck - Was the butt of his hate
Juxtapose - Since the rich are all scum when you're broke (Rosie) You're thinking of Soccertes
Raak - [Juxtapose] Soccertees handled the merchandise.
Superman - All those years that I spent learning Greek
Marc - On my way to be Monk Dominique
Pablo - Have tired my poor brain
Software - But yet, then again
Dujon - Cézanne was a bit of a freak
Rosie - I have here a pint of best porter
Bismarck - With which I shall do what I oughter
Software - Just sink it in one
Stevie - And when it's all gone
Marc - I will pee at least one foam-topped quarter.
Marc - One Gallon of beer is enough
Raak - To serve all the guests at my trough
Dujon - But a pint don't go far
Rosie - It's well below par (Marc, penult.) See a doctor.
Stevie - Red Barrel; t'would make a saint gruff
Stevie - "It's Real Ale™ or nowt!" cried the lad
Pablo - "Joost like it was for me Dad"
Software - No Watney's Red Barrel
Rosie - No flashy apparel
Dujon - But e-cigs By't dozen, By Gad!
Marc - One pint IPA if you'd please (Rosie, I ment a quart of a gallon as I hope everyone else understood)
Superman - Three packs of crisps (onion and cheese)
Raak - This feast for the senses
Rosie - Removes one's defences
Chalky - 'Gainst multiple Sky Sports TV's
Juxtapose - There once was a lady from Surrey I have a great fondness for the classical forms
Tuj - Who, determined to supper on curry
Superman - Took a flight out to Delhi
Rosie - Made the air e'en more smelly (Juxt) Yeah, trad is best. BTW all women in Surrey are ladies and generally rather expensive. I live in Surrey, the rough end.
Software - Got Delhi belly and left in a hurry
Pablo - I sticks to me good old pork pies
Raak - Baked into a sandwich, with fries
Stevie - Add ketchup, to taste
Superman - And thus I'm never faced
Marc - As I make them in double full-size...
Rosie - The answer to most of life's ills
Raak - Is contained in this bottle of pills
Stevie - With a tamper-proof lid
Marc - And the price is ten quid
Superman - Just remember me in your wills.
Pablo - I tell you, there's nowt wrong with me
Marc - Except for the pain when I pee
Dujon - But a wee bit of chemo
Chalky - Plus doses of Nemo
Stevie - Will fill me with glee when I wee-wee
Stevie - I'm driving sans DC and A
Bismarck - Stevie, to get into the spirit of this a bit, what's DC&A? C&A I know about...
Stevie - When the British police feel they have a case to be made against someone for a traffic violation involving a collision of the putative defendent's vehicle with another or a piece of public or private property, the catch-all summons that can be relied upon to result in a conviction when, say, driving while impaired or dangerous driving are unlikely to be provable to either a judge or a jury of the defendent's peers, is Driving Without Due Care and Attention, which is demonstrably true since driving with due care and attention would preclude crashing into things, and is referred to by the rozzers writing out the citations as "Without DC & A".
Let's start this again -
Stevie - I'm driving sans DC and A
Bismarck - And you'd better get out of the way
Pablo - My foot's to the floor
Software - And I'll tell you what's more
Rosie - This time I'm gonna make hay.
Pablo - My car is a late model Ford
Stevie - But I wanted a '32 Cord
Dujon - But the grille, what a mess
Marc - Was defect, more or less
Anna - So come back when you've had it restored.
Rosie - Whilst combing my hair I was shocked
Marc - 'cause the 'thing' in the mirror it talked
Software - It said back to me
Raak - "You're not real, don't you see?"
Superman - "That just now, reality forked?"
Marc - He was born by the side of the sea
Rosie - Though which side we'll just have to see
Bismarck - On this side of the pond
Chalky - It's clear there's a bond
Pablo - 'Tween Donald and PM May, T.
Juxtapose - There once was a piper from Kent
Rosie - Whose youth had been gravely misspent
Software - With billiards and booze
Dujon - And the odd drunken snooze
Pablo - None of which he had tried to prevent
Rosie - My Dad was a sensible fellow
Dujon - With a deep voice and rather loud bellow
Software - He'd keep me in check
Pablo - By grabbing my neck
Chalky - And force me to leave the bordello
Software - Each day when I get out of bed
Bismarck - And see I'm alive, and not dead
Raak - I shout "Yay! I'm still here!"
Pablo - Drink six pints of beer
Marc - And ask if I'm really still wed.
Superman - In a cave in the high Himalayas
Rosie - It's mild - you can shed a few layers
Bismarck - And the bonze that sits there
Software - Has really no fear
Marc - For the Yeti they've named Zacharias.
Chalky - I hail from the island of Crete
CdM - Where minotaurs roam in the street (It's a little known fact.)
Rosie - No prisoners they take
Marc - Though it is piece of cake
Dujon - As large bull-heads are easy to beat (Marc: eh?)
Superman - My family all come from Malta
Bismarck - Impossible, sadly, to alter
penelope - But once they got here
Dujon - With their Cisk Lager beer   (Nice to see you, pen, nice).
Chalky - My CAMRA credentials did falter
Rosie - I'm a product, alas, of suburbia
Dujon - Not the outback of deepest Australia
Pablo - I mow my lawn weekly [Dujon - pushing that one a bit..]
Marc - With my mower uniquely
Rosie - Designed in a way to disturb ya.
Marc - I'm afraid that we've run out of ink
CdM - And that's much much much worse than you think
Raak - The pen yields to the sword
muttleee - Which cannot be ignored
Pablo - So we're now pretty much all down the sink
Tuj - I've got a strange longing for pigeon [muttleee] Hello!
Dujon - At the same time discarding religion
Rosie - I'll just get the cat
Marc - And a grim scabby rat
Raak - And stuff them all into a widgeon.
muttleee - When given a fecund first line [Tuj] Hello! Feels like I've never been away...
Simons Mith - We'll fec it up in record time [And the cheesecake man's back as well, at Dan's, along with a gaggle of aunties of questionable authenticity.]
Superman - With approximate rhyming
Tuj - And dubious timing [muttleee] Well, you've still got all your vowels, you must be in good health
Bismarck - By our standards, that'll do fine!
Marc - They've invented both Twitter and Mail
Anna - Though some thinks they're just a fairytale
Raak - The virtual world
Rosie - Into which we've been hurled
muttleee - Is surely now destined to fail [Tuj] The best. :-)
Raak - Our grim fate comes nearer each day
Rosie - So frolic, get bladdered, make hay
muttleee - You only live once!
Marc - So let's do as the Huns,
Chalky - And start a rumbustious affray
Bismarck - Here's my friend, Attila the Hun
Pablo - Who's frisky and so full of fun
Superman - When he's out with his horde
Rosie - Putting folk to the sword
Dujon - Then downs the odd mead when he's done
Rosie - I took a short break down in Devon
Raak - Which compared with Dunoon is nigh heaven
Marc - Here I met little Sue,
Bismarck - Who was from Dunoon too
muttleee - And stood at just four foot eleven
penelope - The painting that hangs on the wall A blank canvas for you folks
Rosie - Is by that bloke whatcher'm'call
Raak - He didn't paint many
Software - To sell at a penny
Marc - It's that famous Batiste de Saint Paul!
Chalky - That Lisa's a bit of a Mona
Rosie - Though she gives me a bit of a boner
Software - Her wee mystic smile
Marc - Filled with Botox off style
muttleee - Has beguiled for as long as I've known 'er
Software - While pruning my roses today
Marc - At first cut my left thumb went away
Raak - I stuck it back on
muttleee - But the feeling had gone
Chalky - I've now heard it'll come back in May
Chasty - Dear sir! That's your dick not your thumb,
Superman - No it isn't. You think I do nude rose pruning? You think it's prehensile? You think I can't tell the difference?
Rosie - The good folk of Dwygyfylchi maybe not
Rosie - Examine your left index finger
Software - Make sure that it's not a ringer
Superman - Now point it like this
Marc - And make sure you don't miss
Bismarck - (Good advice for an opera singer.)
I was singing the part of "Otello"
Simons Mith - I admit, it was more like a bellow
muttleee - But I hit every note
Raak - With a bray like a goat
Marc - Or the sound of a mistreated cello.
Marc - After two pints of beer you pee three
Bismarck - After three pints of pee you feel free
muttleee - So let it all out!
Software - Mild, bitter or stout
Raak - If outdoors, at the base of a tree.
Bismarck - In this bottle, there is some shampoo
Superman - Which was made by a relative, who
Raak - Blended kangaroo milk
Rosie - In a vat made of silk oblig.
Pablo - But it has made my hair look quite new
Bismarck - I wash my toupée with this soap
muttleee - On days when I feel I can't cope
Raak - When I glue it back on
Rosie - (Yes, I know it's a con)
Marc - It has shrunk so I look like the Pope...
penelope - In Pope-Look-Alike contests, I suck
Superman - Some gobstoppers, to bring me good luck
Rosie - The judges, however
Blob - See through my endeavour
Pablo - But give me some points for sheer pluck
Tuj - As she silently slunk down the stairs [p,S,R,B,P] Oh, nice!
Rosie - She took me quite unawares
Software - From behind my back
Raak - She launched her attack
muttleee - Now I'll never produce any heirs Ouch
Pablo - But she did try to make some amends
Rosie - And restore me as nature intends
Blob - By a surgical trick
Software - She re-lit my wick
CdM - My candle now burns at both ends
rab - By Jove it has been a long time
Rosie - Since wordplay I've seen so sublime (Softers) Dirty bugger
Software - Take care of the metre
Pablo - Do not be a cheater
Raak - And accomplish both reason and rhyme.
Bismarck - Catherine wheels, sparklers galore
Software - Are really a bit of a bore
Pablo - Petrol's more fun
Rosie - So get ready to run
Blob - As it reaches the dynamite store
Bismarck - A parcel, marked "Use at own risk"
rab - Contained a fork and a whisk
Software - So into the bin
Simons Mith - Went my old theremin
Rosie - Along with its old floppy disc.
Pablo - Now look what's arrived in the mail
Raak - An ad for Kentucky Fried Snail
Marc - Their delicious fast food
Software - Considered quite crude
Rosie - Except by those who quaff ale.
KagomeShuko - I'm guessing Kentucky Fried Snail is slow food . . .
Software - Christmas is coming, deep joy
Rosie - Let's piss from The Old Man of Hoy
Radox The Green - In the teeth of a gale
Pablo - Drink buckets of ale
Rosie - Just like they do down in Fowey.
Simons Mith - Has Christmas gone yet, oh God please?
Pablo - It has left me right down on my knees
Raak - Let's finish the wine
KagomeShuko - And take down the pine
Marc - Then sail once again the seven seas.... See you next year...
Marc - Are you sure that you know how it works?
Pablo - It seems to be moving in jerks
KagomeShuko - It jumps and it sputters
Rosie - Built by complete nutters
Raak - But watch how its huge big end twerks!
Superman - If you have a case of the trots
Simons Mith - A Samsonite case will hold lots
Pablo - Or a big plastic bag
Software - But it sounds like a drag
muttleee - (This verse has been written by bots)
Simons Mith - It's better as ink when it's runny
Raak - But my goodness! It smells rather funny
Rosie - I detect faecal notes
Blob - And the entrails of goats
Software - I'll flush it all down the dunny invoking Oz slang
Pablo - Now hearken ye all, MC types,
Superman - Ye must cease to use Pampers wet wipes
Simons Mith - They clog up the drains
penelope - As they clean up your stains [oblig.}
Rosie - And no-one likes unblocking pipes.
CdM - The sewers, in heat of the summer,
Software - Smell like John Selwyn Gummer
Simons Mith - As autumn begins
Superman - It's the Eagle twins
Pablo - All in all, a bit of a bummer
Simons Mith - I've sawn a bit off of a Beemer
Rosie - It now can't keep up with a steamer
Raak - If I stick it back on
Bismarck - Is the guarantee gone?
Software - Yep, it won't be a redeemer
KagomeShuko - My Mercedes-Benz went into flames
Simons Mith - And came out to roaring acclaims
Superman - With scarcely a scorch
Rosie - Of its paint to debauch
Bismarck - Those Teutonically engineered frames.
Simons Mith - I tried putting wheels on my yacht
Pablo - And this is as far as I've got:
Software - Just two to the port
Stevie - From a pram? The same sort
Superman - High-tech this solution is NOT.
Simons Mith - The V8 that powers the pram
Rosie - Runs on butane, palm oil and jam
Pablo - The noise that it makes
Stevie - ENSURES BABY WAKES reveal
KagomeShuko - And sounds like a dithyramb.
Pablo - My restored '69 Thunderbird
Software - Drinks gas at a rate quite absurd
Rosie - It acceleration
Radox The Green - Provokes deglaciation
Simons Mith - – I'd not even known that was a word
Rosie - The good folk of Walton-on-Thames
Stevie - Are addicted to brûléeing crèmes
Simons Mith - And once it's been brûled
Software - This middle-class food
KagomeShuko - Requires many trips to the gyms.
Stevie - Bzzt-twang! Rhyme only works in South Africa.
Stevie - The gits of Newcastle-on-Tyne
Raak - Go on benders with Carlsberg and wine
KagomeShuko - They stop all their diets
SF9 - Cause mayhem and riots
Simons Mith - – By regional standards they're fine.
Rosie - In order to preserve my sanity
Raak - I cultivate o'erweening vanity
Stevie - As I go through the day
Software - I hope and I pray
Simons Mith - For an overall drop in inanity
blamelewis - I find talk of weather profound [Simons] Lovely last lines for the previous two...
Software - Deep in a flood, I'll be bound
Rosie - This dire cyclonicity
Stevie - And damp synchronicity
KagomeShuko - Confuses my poor little hound.
Simons Mith - If you want to bamboozle a dog
muttleee - Just dress him like Jacob Rees Mogg
Software - In top had and tails
Pablo - With manicured nails
Rosie - And not keep going to the bog.
Software - When Corona was just a drink
muttleee - And the world was not yet on the brink
Simons Mith - We thought it a lark
Raak - To have fun in the dark
CdM - Social distance at zero (*wink wink*)
Stevie - In a cupboard, while playing "Sardines"
muttleee - I wished I'd not eaten baked beans Nice pay-off, CdM
Software - My flatulence there
Rosie - Was too much to bear
Simons Mith - And I melted a hole in my jeans
Stevie - There's a trick to op'ning canned beer
Rosie - For one thing, wear the right gear
Raak - Take dagger and cloak
Bismarck - Give it a good poke
Software - And watch it spray far and near
Pablo - In these times of foreboding and gloom
Simons Mith - I'm simply not leaving my room
penelope - So if you want to cheer me
Rosie - Without standing near me
Software - Facetime me so I can zoom
muttleee - I've just heard that Boris is sick
Raak - I hope his recovery's quick
Simons Mith - To founder and fail
Software - But keep out of jail
Rosie - Is a very Pfeffelian trick
Bismarck - Once was, that all roads led to Rome
Raak - But now, we must all stay at home
Rosie - And not wipe our arses
Software - Through government farces
muttleee - So please don't be tempted to roam
Bismarck - The peak of infection is past
Stevie - And though working from home is a blast
Radox The Green - Does nobody know
Dujon - Just where I might go
Rosie - Sorry, those days are past.
Radox The Green - It's got to be time for a brew
Software - But please don't let it stew
Pablo - When infusing the leaves
penelope - I'll tell you what peeves
Stevie - Not knowing where each of them grew reveal
Stevie - Home alone. I've searched - there's no other
Rosie - Those bed socks belong to my mother
Raak - And the knocks in the walls
Pablo - And the plaster that falls
Software - On me is such a bother
Radox The Green - Relaxing the rules just a little
Raak - A lot wouldn't do, but a bit'll
Software - Think it's all over
Pablo - And visit their lover Shakespearian Rules declared
Simons Mith - What'll then hit the fan? Oh, the shit'll.
Radox The Green - Thanks for the excellent development of an admittedly difficult start!
Simons Mith - Outside there's a godawful smell
CdM - In my own personal circle of Hell
KagomeShuko - I've searched high and low
Rosie - I reck'n it's the po
Pablo - But my nose is so clogged I can't tell
KagomeShuko - I've gathering the wood and the wool
Software - Sounds like a load of old bull
Pablo - In fact, a young cow
Superman - In the here'n'now
Radox The Green - Says I'm too high to be cool.
Bismarck - Do nothing, until there's a Plan
Raak - Don't plan, until there's a Man
Rosie - No Man? Get a monkey
Simons Mith - Then all will be hunky-
Software - Dory, like Dominic Cummings's scam
Pablo - I'm really fed right up to here
Rosie - I'll do something reckless, I fear
Simons Mith - I'll put on my socks! [Daring enough for ya, ya pussies? I'm so hardcore I may even put them on the wrong feet.]
Stevie - Cue-up "Cleveland Rocks!"     The Ian Hunter original
Software - Fu*k it, I'll just have a beer
KagomeShuko - My socks are marked left and right
Pablo - This is so I can find them at night
Raak - The marks are in Braille
Rosie - They pong, so exhale
Software - But this cannot be mine - far too tight
Juxtapose - I'm back from a very long trip
Simons Mith - To Woking's municipal tip
penelope - Where I hunted in vain
Stevie - For Boris's brain
Pablo - In the vain hope he might get a grip
Simons Mith - I feel like an animal theme for a bit. Can we have some animals?

There is much to be said of the Moth

Stevie - But I'd much rather speak of the Sloth      reveal
Pablo - Or a simple wombat
Raak - Or a Sumatran Rat
Simons Mith - Or the Wampa ice creature from Hoth
penelope - I can't see the point of a bunny
Simons Mith - They're 'hoppy' and I prefer 'runny'
Rosie - But hoppy beer's great
Bismarck - So here's Bunny's fate
Superman - Stewed in Guinness, with onions, and honey.
penelope - The purpose of hedgehogs is clear [Simons] We can have a catalogue of limericks justifying British fauna if you want
Raak - They have excellent taste in good beer
Rosie - They just lap it up
Stevie - From a saucer or cup
Software - Curl up and just disappear
Raak - The haggis, a curious beast
Rosie - Turns dinner into a feast
Software - with offal and bran
Stevie - Yourrr auld Scottish gran
Pablo - Will make it all rise with some yeast
Stevie - You can see by the cut of his jib
KagomeShuko - That he clearly will not ad lib
Bismarck - Those "Fnarrs"! and those "Errrs"
CdM - "In the script!" he avers
Rosie - "To say otherwise is a fib"
Stevie - You can tell by the look in her eye
Software - That the lady is ever so shy
Rosie - She's sweet and demure
penelope - But her mind is manure the light linen duster coat, ta
Raak - You would think she was born in a sty.
Stevie - You could say she was destined to fly
CdM - (Even though, manifestly, you lie)
Pablo - She seems to have wings
Rosie - And other nice things
Simons Mith - But too great a liking for pie (Sigh) It's like the sad tale of Mavis the Fairy all over again.
Simons Mith - (Only with pie rather than cake.)
Stevie -
If cake is your bag, just look here
Pablo - It is gluten-free, have no fear
Superman - And there's zero lactose
Software - Sugar free, I 'spose Tricky rhyme, there
Raak - And a glass of no-alcohol beer.
Rosie - My hair grows ever longer
Superman - Surely a glow worm?
Raak - My hair grows ever longer
But falls out just as fast
I'll beat upon the conga
Until I breathe my last.

Rosie - (Superman) 'Kinell. It is, isn't it.
Stevie - My hair seems to grow ever longer
Pablo - But my body just doesn't get stronger
Rosie - So, Sampson I'm not
KagomeShuko - And Delilah is rot
Software - Can it get any wronger?
CdM - I like to eat spinach with jam  reveal
Dujon - Far better than Marmite with spam reveal
KagomeShuko - But jellied eel mousse reveal
Rosie - Just makes the bowel loose reveal
penelope - I'm a slave to my guts, that I am.
Software - But I love strawberry jam with my cheese
Stevie - 'Tis a consumation sure to please
Rosie - But not ev'rybody
KagomeShuko - is Passamaquoddy
Superman - Who eat it while shooting the breeze.
Simons Mith - I shot at the breeze and I missed
CdM - And the breeze is now royally pissed
Rosie - "I'll blow your house down"
muttleee - It said, with a frown
Pablo - Til I asked it to kindly desist
KagomeShuko - My arrow is caught in a tree
penelope - And my grapeshot has not made it free
Simons Mith - My petard is hoist
Stevie - My powder is moist
Rosie - And my peashooter - it lacks a pea.
CdM - *applause*
That should be exhibited immediately in the showcase game.
Software - The thunder is getting quite near
Rosie - I'd better finish off my beer
Bismarck - For this heat and this weather
Dujon - Ruffle many a feather
Pablo - With a large bolt of lightning, I fear
Stevie - Hat off. Another winner
Stevie - Ye Gods! What a bang! That was close!
KagomeShuko - It made me yell, "Great Caesar's Ghost!"
Pablo - But try not to fret
Raak - It's not over yet
Simons Mith - You've still got to butter the toast
nfras - The smell of hot crumpet with butter
CdM - Will cause a curmudgeon to mutter
Raak - "How gruntled I feel!" Resisting the temptation to put "gruntled" at the end of the line.
Software - "This is not quite a meal"
Stevie - But the prospect still makes my heart flutter
KagomeShuko - Cream cheese on a bagel is better
Pablo - Though I much prefer to use feta
CdM - While some like ricotta
Raak - I think that you oughta
Dujon - Feed that lot to the nearest red setter (The weirdest dog breed I've ever come across.)
KagomeShuko - A strange dog, you see, is the Puli
CdM - Think Dougal (though not so unruly)
Software - And the magical thing
Superman - Is one gets them to sing
Bismarck - By kicking them in the left goolie.
Demonstration event at Crufts
Software - A sudden change in the weather
Stevie - Can motivate me to wear leather True
Bismarck - Then, astride my Hog
Radox The Green - I ride into the fog
Pablo - Adorned with a large ostrich feather
KagomeShuko - When it rains down bricks and mortar
Software - There's one thing that you oughta
Rosie - Never ever do (KagShu) Earthquake, tornado?
penelope - Lock yourself in the loo Let's get this moving.
Pablo - And pointlessly call for a porter
CdM - Immunity, so I have heard,
Pablo - Is a highly politicised word
Software - Especially for Trump
KagomeShuko - An idiot chump (Rosie) Probably tornadoes in Hurricane Laura
penelope - Whose IQ was somehow deferred
Rosie - If your trombone is blocked up with crud (KagShu) Mmm, nasty. Hope the bits missed you.
Raak - The best thing is to fill it with mud
Simons Mith - Apply moderate heat
penelope - Till the tone becomes sweet
Software - Then clear it all out with a thud
KagomeShuko - If you like reading adventure novels
Stevie - Or Dickensian books set in hovels
CdM - Then I've got just the thing:
Pablo - (It's written by Sting)
Software - As for his fans he grovels
Radox The Green - Hey! Here's some terrific advice
Stevie - If your clock is infested with mice
Raak - Wait until it strikes one
Rosie - They'll have no more fun
KagomeShuko - The tone, their brains will splice reveal Rosie - was already evacuated for Laura and saw my city basically damaged by it when I first wrote that and n ow Delta has hit my city, too. I was still evacuated, so I'm safe
Juxtapose - I've heard there's a brand new vaccine
muttleee - To protect us from Covid-19 I wish
Raak - But there is a small catch
Software - You'll lose all your thatch
Rosie - And your privates will glow lurid green. oblig.
KagomeShuko - Eating chicken soup as a cure
Radox The Green - Is common in Jewish culture
Stevie - But the Catholics swear
Raak - By the head of a bear
Simons Mith - And its testicles just to be sure
penelope - I'm determined to start a fresh rhyme
Simons Mith - Though a challenging task for a mime
KagomeShuko - He can't say a thing
Stevie - Though his limbs he may swing
Bismarck - For to learn ASL takes some time.
CdM - As he ran like the wind to the border  reveal
Software - Before Brexit to place his last order
Simons Mith - He wished that he had
Rosie - Stayed in Ahmedabad
Stevie - With his wife, (where he couldn't afford 'er)
Stevie - As I sailed in my boat on the briny
Raak - My toddlers got seasick and whiny
Simons Mith - So I sent them aloft
KagomeShuko - To work on a croft
Rosie - They didn't do much; they're too tiny
CdM - Do you really think it is OK  reveal
muttleee - To start a new lim'rick this way?
Superman - Choose one: YES or NO
Stevie - And don't vacillate so
Rosie - For this, dear friends, is the way.
Superman - On this day, of all days, it is clear
penelope - That your vest is still showing, my dear
Stevie - I did say “Don’t inflate it!”
Simon Mith - But anticipated
Bismarck - Obedience - now should I try fear?
Stevie - In a dinghy I rowed out one day
Simons Mith - To the mouth of the silvery Tay
Radox The Green - Then I fell overboard
Pablo - And cried: "Save me, Lord"
muttleee - Though he never responds when I pray
YMMV
Pablo - I'm offering up this kind thought-
Raak - If you do what you know that you ought
Simons Mith - Then if someone sees
Stevie - You stuffing golf tees Unfinished thought alert
KagomeShuko - Surely, you will be caught.
muttleee - I'd like to say 'well done' to Pfizer Nothing if not topical
Software - If it's true let's all have a spritzer
Stevie - At -80 degrees Cee      reveal
Stevie - It's obvious to me
It will be applied by Thagomizer

Mercy killing
Stevie - A vaccine? Oh my! Is it true?
Chalky - Should we cheer? Shout Hurrah and Woohoo?
Raak - But suppose it's a dud?
Software - And does us no gud invoking poetic licence
Rosie - There'll be quite a hullabaloo.
CdM - Keep that needle away from my arm!
Rosie - In my bum, though, it works like a charm
Superman - I've been waiting for weeks
Simons Mith - To whip off me breeks
Pablo - Though it causes the wife some alarm
Chalky - Beware - do not try this at home
Software - Especially not on your own
Rosie - Suppose it explodes
penelope - And fuses your nodes Shades of Rambling Syd Rumpo there.
Bismarck - You'll be blown from here half way to Nome.
CdM - Nome, and its green green green grass
Chalky - Is built on cooled volcanic glass
Raak - They say that at night
Software - Its emerald light
KagomeShuko - Looks like oxidized brass
Tuj - Ring the bells! Sound a gong! Hoist the flag!
Chalky - Says the front page of my Sunday rag
Rosie - Well, get The Observer
Raak - Which proclaims with great fervor
Superman - "How to split up from your lifetime bag."
Raak - While shepherds were watching their flocks
Dujon - Of chickens and geese and some cocks
Rosie - They whiled away the time
Pablo - By eating a lime
KagomeShuko - And chasing off all chicken hawks.
CdM - Me ‘n my mates, we’re all kings from back east
Rosie - We're the Basildon Bad Boys, now mainly deceased
KagomeShuko - From beyond the grave
Raak - We'll still have a rave
Chalky - with 'Unleashed From The East' - Judas Priest
(real album - honest guv')
Bismarck - While slamming tequila on ice
muttleee - I blacked out at least once or twice
Stevie - Hit me 'ead on the floor
Simons Mith - Lost a fight with a door
Raak - And got dragged off to jail by the Vice.
Chalky - In praise of the old Pearly Queen
Stevie - I painted my private parts green
Simons Mith - The public bits red
Bismarck - Then I shaved my head
Software - And stripped off so to be seen
Pablo - I went out with a real little raver
Stevie - Who moonlighted, days, as a paver
Chalky - His favourite dance
Simons Mith - Had a one in four chance
Rosie - Of not making him one to savour
Chalky - The chord that was lost has been found
Pablo - And has a most beautiful sound
Simons Mith - It's a mixture of twang,
Raak - And blip-bloop and ktang
Rosie - Like George Formby falling t'' ground. 'Owja do glo''al stops?
Software - While cleaning windows what did I see?
Superman - A gentleman who looked like George Formby!
KagomeShuko - He was missing his uke,
Simons Mith - And he gave me a look That's considerably less revolting than my first idea for the line
Chalky - And a rather refined cup of tea
muttleee - Whenever I hear Van the Man
Stevie - Or I see the Pres with the "tan"
Chalky - My hackles are raised
Radox The Green - And I go off half-crazed
Raak - When Her Majesty does the can-can
Stevie - You know, I miss Morecambe and Wise
Rosie - As I guzzle a dozen mince pies
KagomeShuko - Abbott and Costello
Pablo - And some other fellow
Chalky - All gone to that Club in the skies
Superman - Pine needles all over the floor
Stevie - A dried-up, dead wreath on the door
Raak - The cold light of day dawns
Software - Christmas over, so yawns
Pablo - Next year we'll be back for some more
Raak - Zut alors, wat is 'appening 'ere?
Chalky - Someone 'as put cheese in my beer
Software - And made it go flat
Rosie - I shall keel 'eem, zis rat
Radox The Green - With my pistole-couteau I 'ave 'ere.
Chalky - Mein Herr - du hast eaten my pie!
Stevie - Undt now, English pigdog, you die!
Raak - Mein Eisbein ist heilig!
Lime Rick Rescue - Tough luck - time ist veilig
Even executions go awry

KagomeShuko - Ahoy! Me hearties! Avast!
Software - Virus protection at last!
muttleee - Just roll up your sleeve
Bismarck - One jab, and then we'vereveal
Raak - Begun sending this plague to the past.
KagomeShuko - When counting in French, one can say
Software - Un, deux, trois - m'ouveré
Chalky - Alternatively
Bismarck - Count in Swahili reveal
Dujon - Or simply use English/anglais
Chalky - One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight - splendid idea Dujon!
Raak - I count t'let my anger abate
Pablo - While I'll count in German
Rosie - Which won't be a sermon
Software - And Europeans I'll try to placate Another Brexshit bonus
Pablo - So now it's the War of Vaccine
Chalky - With skirmishes covert and mean
Software - But wait! Who is wrong?
Raak - The few or the throng?
penelope - The death toll remains to be seen. mercy killing - see what I did there?
Stevie - Well, I'm free of the COVID is seems
Chalky - When I finish applying these creams
penelope - In covert ceremonies
Software - I'll plaster my knees
Pablo - In ointment, to cover my screams
Chalky - In order to seem more appealing
Raak - I serve only the finest Darjeeling
Rosie - In the very best bone china
KagomeShuko - Made by someone named Dinah
Software - It gives everyone such a nice feeling
Pablo - [C,R,R,KS,S] Couldn't be more English

In lockdown, I've done some repairs
Rosie - But it's still rather dodgy upstairs
Chalky - For instance, the ceiling
penelope - Is still only a feeling
Bismarck - And the walls and the floor are "not theres".
Raak - While strolling through Lincoln's Inn Fields
Chalky - I spotted a skip full of shields
Software - That the barristers dump
penelope - At the acquittal of Trump oblig.
muttleee - It's a sign of the power that he wields Moving swiftly on...
KagomeShuko - We don't have to fear Joseph Biden
Rosie - Any more than Franz Joseph Haydn
Stevie - He's as good as his word
Chalky - When he gives Trump the bird
Radox The Green - As into the sunset he's ridin'.
Stevie - Seems Richard did not have a hump
Chalky - Nor Jasmine an extra chest bump
Bismarck - You just can’t believe
penelope - Each bodily heave
Raak - And each clown is in private a glump. reveal
Software - While waiting for my second jab
Chalky - I chanced upon Dominic Raab
Pablo - I said, "What ho, Dom!"
Rosie - with my usual aplomb
KagomeShuko - And asked him to hail me a cab. reveal
Rosie - (KagShu) A 50% excess is unusual but not unique. Here's Monty Python from about 1969.
Pablo - The chances of being immune
Raak - Are as slim as a snowflake in June
Chalky - So before you get tested
KagomeShuko - Don't get arrested reveal
muttleee - That could ruin your whole afternoon
Chalky - There's no sense in holding it back
Software - Even though you may get the sack
Raak - Let them know what you think
penelope - That their policies stink Almost oblig.
Rosie - And they should all be put on the rack. at a stretch
KagomeShuko - When working a day of CS reveal
Chalky - Be sure to use words that impress
Stevie - Don't snarl "Oh get stuffed!"
penelope - When your help is rebuffed
Software - Your frustration you must suppress
Raak - The first of the Quarantine Years
Dujon - Has brought many strong men to tears
KagomeShuko - They whimper and whine
Chalky - When they misplace their spine
Stevie - And mentally strip all their gears
Stevie - This unmanly blub'rin' must cease!
muttleee - Or else I shall call the police
Rosie - Who should have a hanky
KagomeShuko - Wrapped up in a blankie
Chalky - And syringes dispensing some peace
KagomeShuko - If it's boating that you want to do
Bismarck - Then the Suez Canal is for you!
Rosie - It's level throughout
pnelope - If you get stuck, just shout
Software - There'll be a delay for a minute or two (or longer, perhaps)
Pablo - While going through Teddington lock
Stevie - I received a most terrible shock
muttleee - I saw Hughie Green's ghost
Simons Mith - - He was moored to a post!
Rosie - Awaiting opportunity's knock.
Stevie - Crisps all round!
Bismarck - Opportunity knocks but once, so
Raak - When it does you must get up and go
Simons Mith - And lock that darn door
Chalky - Behind you, before
penelope - You go joining the business of show.
Chalky - Stop all the clocks for eight days
KagomeShuko - Stay in bed and just laze
Raak - Let oppo's go by
Rosie - Dynamic? Not I
Stevie - I'm not one for frenetic displays
Raak - Do you think that the time is yet ripe?
Dujon - For a dog at your feet and a pipe
Pablo - And a scarf round your neck
Software - And slippers, by heck
Rosie - I'd say no. It's just ageist tripe.
Radox The Green - It seems that this shirt doesn't fit
Rosie - 'Cos I have expanded a bit
Stevie - Chip butties for tea
Chalky - Scoffed REG-u-lar-LY
muttleee - Also mean that my trousers have split
Stevie - Barkeep! Crisps all round!
KagomeShuko - I want to try is the cake that's called Jaffa
Software - Does it come from the city called Kaffa?
Bismarck - Or must I search
Raak - In the crypt of a church
Rosie - Or make do with something naffer.
Bismarck - The Oscars are here once again
Arch - Most of them go to the men
KagomeShuko - Though some may appear
Arch - To be without peer
muttleee - I'd rate most as just two out of ten Mercy killing :-/
penelope - [Arch] you might like to have a look at this idiot guide for using HTML mark-up for your moves (etiquette prefers only one line per rhyme unless you're brilliant, don't care about etiquette or are providing a long-overdue cull). I've been using this for more than 15 years - it was made my one of the players on here. Very Basic Guide to HTML for playing on Mornington Crescent sites
And I even used it to make this hyperlink too :o)
Simons Mith - [muttleee] I think that was a good rescue.
When winning a Darwin Award
Software - A fool of yourself is assured
Pablo - As you take yourself out
penelope - (Inflict your own clout)
Raak - Your non-reproduction's ensured.
KagomeShuko - I think I may be a bee
Rosie - No, you aren't, honey, b'lieve me
penelope - Your yellow-black fuzz
Simons Mith - And high-voltage buzz I reckon she's an electricity pylon dusted in slightly scorched custard. That fits all the data so far.
Software - Is just a fault with your HT For those old enough to remember TV with tubes
muttleee - When voting in local elections
Raak - Don't be bribed with tempting confections
Chalky - 'Though if I'd been offered
KagomeShuko - Cake from Ms. Crawford
Stevie - I'd refuse on account of infections
Chalky - It's an incontrovertible fact
Rosie - That whatever you do you'll get sacked
Raak - So plan well in advance
KagomeShuko - For each circumstance
Software - And hope that you won't get hacked
Rosie - Eventually I'll get down the pub
Raak - And sit down with a pint and some grub
penelope - For convivial chatter
Stevie - And a steaming hot platter
Pablo - But the cost? Aye, there's the rub....
Stevie - Stop rubbing my platter, you swine!
KagomeShuko - And get me a glass full of wine!
Software - I need a drink
Chalky - Because I'm on the brink
Rosie - Of becoming seriously anodyne.
Tuj - Although it was somewhat contrived
Raak - I wrote, "Then the dragons arrived."
Simons Mith - I shoehorned it in
Rosie - Wrong game, but no sin
KagomeShuko - However, I felt quite deprived
penelope - Let's start something fresh, I feel keen
muttleee - And I'm tired of my normal routine
Simons Mith - I'm gonna dress up
Rosie - And drink from the cup
Stevie - Filled to the brim with Poitín
Stevie - I've filled up the tank with spud peelings
Raak - For the sake of my partner's green feelings
KagomeShuko - My exhaust smells like chips
penelope - On the shortest of trips
Simons Mith - So poo to the oil giants' dealings
Software - That's it! I'm off to the pub
CdM - To sit down with a pint and some grub
KagomeShuko - I'll talk to my friends
Stevie - Of how I got The Bends
Simons Mith - A gig at the Bachelors' Club
Pablo - There's an old Irish saying, you know,
Stevie - It blithers about yellow snow
Chalky - But I don't understand
Simons Mith - Isn't yellow snow sand?
Raak - It's uranium — eat it and glow!
Chalky - neat
Chalky - This June day will henceforth be called
Tuj - "The Day I Began To Go Bald"
Stevie - For 'tis sad to relate
Rosie - That the dread chrome-dome state
Simons Mith - Cannot any more be forestalled
Chalky - clapclapclapclapclap
Simons Mith - I think I'll invest in a hat
Stevie - A topper? Or something more flat?
Tuj - I'd like to convey Lovely metre and wording on the back half of that last one
Chalky - That I'm no old roué
Raak - And have young, modern fashion down pat.
Pablo - In fact, I was once called a fop
penelope - My gaudy cravats were de trop
Chalky - So much so I became
Raak - A pantomime Dame
Stevie - Emigrated, and now lead the GOP
Rosie - A joke's a joke but that one is a f****** disgrace. © D Drogba.
Software - I'm camp so I'll dress up in drag
Rosie - And ponce round the house with a fag
Chalky - I do this with Pride
Pablo - But in fact, deep inside,
KagomeShuko - I desperately wave a white flag.
CdM - The daylength has now reached its min / The daylength has now reached its max reveal
Chalky - Enlightenment can now begin / And my carpets could do with a vax
Raak - O-ò-o-o-òmmm / There's nowt I like more
penelope - *deeper voice* O-ò-o-o-òmmm / Than a squeaky clean floor
Software - Now the nights begin drawing in / And my rubbish neatly in sacks
CdM - [Software] Did you just restore the hemisphericentrism that (see my hidden comment) I worked so hard to eliminate??
Radox The Green - The world seems to be upside-down
Raak - Kings are scorned, and their Fools wear the crown
CdM - So the knights, they draw in
Chalky - Losing their will to win [Have to agree with CdM, Softers - not your best work]
Pablo - No wonder - we're lead by a clown
Juxtapose - I've had the most brilliant idea
Simons Mith - Will somebody please hold my beer? Oh, one of those brilliant ideas…
Rosie - 'Cos I need both hands
penelope - To stem time's running sands Say it fast
Software - Oh, hang on, now it's not very clear
Chalky - It's about time we all upped our game
CdM - 'Cause right now it's all so same-same
Rosie - Has no-one the wit
Tuj - To mix things up a bit ...choice of sentence finished or not alert...
penelope - We don't show our wit - that's a shame.
Tuj - Please visit my new exhibition!
Stevie - Of strange megafauna dentition!
Rosie - We have here a cheetah
CdM - Who's quite an odd eater
KagomeShuko - And uses plants for ignition
Kim - I return to find nothing has changed
Stevie - Even though I had plumbing arranged
Chalky - One can't find the staff
KagomeShuko - After an hour and a half
Pablo - No wonder I'm getting deranged
Raak - A diplodocus trampled my lawn
Stevie - One Tuesday, just before dawn
Rosie - It won't need a trim
KagomeShuko - So I'm keeping him
Chalky - In the shed with my pet unicorn
Rosie - The good folk of Newton-le-Willows
Raak - Have an annual fight with soft pillows
Software - They stand on the hill
penelope - And enjoy the thrill
muttleee - (It's one of their few peccadilloes)
Stevie - While singing a lewd roundelay
muttleee - I felt all my cares drift away
Radox The Green - I stripped off my hose
Rosie - Which assaulted my nose
Software - Well that's enough for today
Pablo - There's nothing as bad as a cold
Raak - Except leprosy, grot, and brain mould
Rosie - And don't forget mumps
Software - Or down in the dumps
Simons Mith - Or let's be frank just getting old
KagomeShuko - We haven't the time for my party?
penelope - We're busy being arty and farty
Rosie - Well, the latter, at least
Simons Mith - And our output's increased
Stevie - As we read aloud from Jean-Paul Sarty
Stevie - Mercy Killing
Stevie - I went down to Tesco's today
Rosie - For reasons I'd better not say
Tuj - Suffice it to tell
Raak - There was quite a pell-mell reveal
Radox The Green - As Security took me away. reveal
Simons Mith - [RtG] I like how you retained the shroud of mystery

And now I must pay for my crimes!

Raak - Viewed so heinously in these changed times!
Rosie - But when ah were a lad
CdM - No one thought it bad
Stevie - Now they do (at least in these climes).
Stevie - But I ask: "Is it really so bad
Software - To be, like me, such a cad?"
Bismarck - Self-improvement's my creed
Rosie - I don't spill my seed
Chalky - Or blame all this nonsense on Dad
Juxtapose - I once shared a cell with a felon
Rosie - Who had tried to violate a melon
KagomeShuko - He wasn't right in the head
Mat - At least that's what they said
Superman - I tore him limb from limb, like Ganelon.
Software - There was a young lady from Cheam
muttleee - Who'd always take one for the team
Simons Mith - If carefully sliced Only one? For a whole team? Seems a bit stingy to me. But OFC it depends how big it is.
Mat - It became at least twiced
Chalky - Sextupled if smothered in cream
Pablo - It's time I went out for a drink
Rosie - So I can act daft, and not think
CdM - About life's lack of meaning
muttleee - And the cost of dry cleaning
Stevie - The thing that I found in my sink
Raak - The end times are on us, I fear
Chalky - Beginnings are no longer near
Stevie - The locusts, the plague
Rosie - The busts of Earl Haig
Software - And Brexit is costing us dear
muttleee - I'm thinking of taking a stand
Raak - Canute-like, upon the sea strand
Stevie - On account of a bet
Pablo - (The debt must be met)
Superman - Accompanied by a brass band.
Stevie - I'm now hooked on this new TV show
Chalky - It has arrows and flights - and a bow
Software - It's not 'Golden Shot'
Raak - Or 'Black Which You Pot'
Bismarck - It's "Up To The Oche You Go"! reveal
penelope - [S, C, S, R, B] Perfection.
Why don't we all head for the beach
CdM - Where the mermaids they sing, each to each
Simons Mith - Their sweet harm-o-nee
Chalky - Tempting men of the sea
Raak - But beware! Stay out of their reach!
Chalky - I think you all know what I meant
Rosie - Concerning a recent event
Stevie - My context was implicit
Juxtapose - So next time I visit
Bismarck - I’ll come, and I’ll see, and I’ll went.
CdM - So here is the source of the tension:
Raak - No-one wants my robotic invention
penelope - For knitting a widget
Rosie - With which I can fidget
muttleee - So much for it boosting my pension :-(
blamelewis - I've repurposed my robotic knitter
Simons Mith - And now it posts daily on Twitter [muttleee] That's pretty much the ending I'd been trying to come up with, but you did it better
Raak - It's so much like me
Stevie - With a yen for the twee
Chalky - Hashtag #bolderandleanerandfitter
penelope - Is anyone checking my Tweets?
Simons Mith - On seductive radish and beets [This really is a thing]
Rosie - They are so provocative
Chalky - And strangely evocative
Stevie - Of that which is wooly and bleats
Stevie - I'm a farmer, and farmers must farm
CdM - So all of you, please just stay calm
Superman - And I say to you lot
KagomeShuko - Please, don't plant pot
Pablo - It might set off the fire alarm
Chalky - If Dennis The Menace was real
Rosie - Then just try the following spiel
penelope - Give him 10 days detention
Pablo - As a form of prevention
Stevie - And if he tries a plea bargain: don't deal!
Radox The Green - Assam, Earl Grey, and Darjeeling
Raak - Are the teas that I find most appealing
Rosie - But for me PG Tips
Bismarck - Is what passes my lips
CdM - And sets all my senses a-reeling
           How could you have been so unfeeling?
reveal
Chalky - Arabica beans or Robusta?
Simons Mith - - The Indian asked General Custer
muttleee - Just before his last stand
penelope - When no coffee was planned
Rosie - Pepsi was all they could muster.
CdM - There's really no point in complaining
Stevie - Of one's lack of sub-aqua weld training
Superman - You're in the deep end
Raak - And we all depend
Chalky - On you and your penchant for feigning
Rosie - Why are people so touchy (Chalky) Classy.
Raak - (Taking the liberty of slightly adjusting the metre.)
Why ever are people so touchy?
Their reactions are too muchy-muchy
CdM - They just make me puke
Bismarck - But I am an Archduke
muttleee - So I'll kick them all out of my duchy And good riddance
CdM - Yes! My thinking-two-moves-ahead feed worked. That makes me very happy.
Chalky - I'm feeling unreason'bly chipper
Tuj - I've just got a job as a stripper! Expecting philosophical discourse
Simons Mith - There's one tiny hassle
muttleee - It's based in Newcastle
Rosie - Where they all boast about their Big Dipper.
Chalky - laughs out loud
Simons Mith - I think it unseemly to brag
Software - But people don't know I'm in drag
Raak - I pass perfectlee
Pablo - As a lass- don't you see?
Rosie - So old fart turns into old hag.
Stevie - There's a story they tell down our local
Rosie - 'Bout this bloke whose specs were bifocal
penelope - He saw future and past
Software - Tiny and vast
Chalky - And forecast Eyjafjallajökull
Simons Mith - Forecast it? I can't even say it
muttleee - This line's not much good but I'll play it
Raak - I'm a big fan of Björk
Chalky - 'Though this rhyme doesn't wörk
Bismarck - Incoherency helps to inveigh it.
Chalky - Kudos to the Lime Rick Rescue Team -
Chalky - If ever you feel like complaining
Tuj - Could I interest you in refraining?
penelope - 'Cos whiners are shunned
Pablo - Then become moribund
Rosie - They need, it would seem, some retraining
muttleee - So it's farewell to Lionel Blair Nothing if not topical
Raak - Who performed with unparalleled flair
Software - His craft of the mime
Chalky - Was just as sublime

• Me Again - As his head of magnificent hair.


Chalky - A whole week has passed without action
Raak - Is our steam engine losing its traction?
Software - So I'll write a line
Rosie - Me too; here's mine
CdM -                                      I'll write a fraction
muttleee - Let's start a new verse right away!
Simons Mith - And commence without any delay
Tuj - Now let us begin
Raak - And headlong dive in
Chalky - To some comic'ly crafted word play
Chalky - Beware of the cruel Villanelle
Raak - Whose precision would tax William Tell
muttleee - As 'femme fatales' go Unfinished sentence alert
Rosie - She was tops; stole the show
Software - As under her spell we all fell
penelope - The end of the world, it is not.
Dujon - Though I'm many a year from the cot
Pablo - I shall still stand erect
Software - As you would expect
Rosie - Till I fall over (dry rot)
Bismarck - When writing in HTML
Rosie - You don't have to learn how to spell
Software - But the syntax you must
penelope - Make sure it is just
Superman - Lest you open a portal to Hell.
Pablo - While writing a long piece of code
Rosie - I thought, could this be an ode?
Software - As I write this in "C"
Radox The Green - Which is my favourite key
Rosie - Especially in Phrygian mode. Two goes. I dunno - pushy bugger
Raak - Let's go for a brisk, bracing walk!
Simons Mith - To the base of that towering stalk
Rosie - The Shard, what a blight
Stevie - Thrust into the night
Radox The Green - Like those mushrooms that grow in the dark.
Rosie - I'm reminded of an asylum
Chalky - Lock 'em up - name 'em and file 'em
Raak - Have a strong padded cell
Stevie - Some laud'num as well
Tuj - Keep things cosy: be sure not to rile 'em [Stevie] Can't believe that didn't trigger one of those periodic accent discussions
Stevie - Does *anyone* pronounce “walk” as “wark” and “stalk” as “stark”, and if so, why isn’t that banned by international treaty? 8oD
Rosie - (Stevie) My N. Walian aunts may have done so. They pronounced "pork" as "park".
Raak - On the second day of this new year
Rosie - It is now becoming quite clear
Chalky - That it's really day three
nights - And soon we shall see
penelope - Days four, five and six drawing near.
Software - New Year resolutions to break
penelope - Like 'not putting jam on my steak'
Raak - And 'no cheese on the jam'
Simons Mith - And 'sprinkle no ham
Chalky - On your uncle's Eid Mubarak cake'.
muttleee - While watching today's PMQs
Rosie - I thought "If this makes the news
Stevie - It’ll look like a farce
Software - Boris talks out his arse
Chalky - Whilst they fill the suitcases with booze.
Stevie - Oh the hell with this lockdown! Let's party!
Software - But don't tell the public, me hearty!
Rosie - And don't tell the cops
Chalky - They're all out on Ops
muttleee - Instead, tell Ms. S. Chakrabarti Mercy killing
Chalky - If you need to be rescued just blink
Software - But quickly - before you do sink
muttleee - Then the RNLI
Simons Mith - Will quickly be by
Raak - And pull you from out of the drink.
Rosie - If you get lots of stuff from Lidl
Pablo - Especially things from the middle
Stevie - Check the sell-by date first
Raak - Lest your wurst be the worst
Software - Or how it works is a riddle
CdM - Pray tell, can you answer me this:
Stevie - What's the surest path to Earthly Bliss?
Software - Take the Bakerloo line
penelope - With a bottle of wine
Rosie - To Neasden. Too good to miss.
Stevie - Once Willie, Baz, Graeme and Tim
Bismarck - Played crazy word games on a whim
Rosie - To an audience of nerds
Chalky - Who clap all their words
muttleee - With quite copious vigour and vim Moving swiftly on...
penelope - We've had pestilence, plague - and now war
Raak - As the world falls beneath the Beast's paw
Pablo - So now run for your life
Rosie - Aggression is rife
Superman - The apocalypse waits at the door.
Stevie - "I've a ferret down here" said the man
Chalky - 'It showed up on my MRI scan'
penelope - But the blood and pee tests
Software - Showed an absence of pests
Chalky - So no-one will carry the can
Chalky - My ferret's a pet not a pest
penelope - So I knitted a ferret-sized vest
Stevie - It's cable-knit too
Software - Pure wool coloured blue
Rosie - All this at the ferret's behest.
Software - A jumper is good, so I'm told
Bismarck - But my oven is hot
Raak - And I have a large pot
Chalky - In its coop which is climate-controlled
Simons Mith - I entreat you to blanket your pigs
Raak - And install them in luxury digs
Software - With sh*t on the floor
Stevie - ,The walls and what's more
muttleee - When building them, do not use twigs Or straw, for that matter
Radox The Green - I've always thought that you're the GOAT
Chalky - Which is why I gave you my vote
Stevie - But consideration
Raak - Of this once great nation
Rosie - Makes further approval remote.
Stevie - A new variant's sweeping the land
Chalky - And threatens to get out of hand
Pablo - It's name is called "Psi"
Raak - And we heave a great sigh
Software - As we bury our heads in the sand
CdM - Lost and adrift in the fog
Stevie - With a bloody great Alsatian dog
Rosie - Who pines for Alsace
Chalky - And the St Bernard's Pass
Software - Round its neck a barrel of grog
Pablo - Thank God, now out in the sun
Raak - At last we can have carefree fun
Stevie - In my speedo and flippers
Bismarck - Scoffing ice cream and kippers
Chalky - Just a mile off the M181
CdM - If you just would please let me explain
Rosie - Why my answer appears so inane
Raak - I was preoccupied
muttleee - With my bit on the side
Chalky - And the bulge in your femoral vein
Rosie - The good folk of Dunstable, Beds.
penelope - Are known for their parties in sheds
Software - With tinnies galore
Stevie - The tongue-and-groove floor
Radox The Green - Bears witness to unstable heads.
Superman - The bad folk of Stevenage, Herts.,
Pablo - Do wear the most hideous shirts
Simons Mith - And oh god! the shorts
Rosie - Don't ask me my thoughts!
Raak - 'Bout the incessant catcalls and flirts.
Bismarck - Herts./hurts, Herts./harts, I dunno...
Simons Mith - And now renounce all Satan's works
Raak - Those are sins, not lovable quirks!
Stevie - But his voice so persuasive
Rosie - But so, so evasive
muttleee - Is hypnotic for like-minded jerks
Chalky - If you're lucky and win a cash prize
Pablo - After many disheartening tries
Rosie - Be modest; don't bellow
Raak - And be a good fellow
Superman - Just pass me my Big Mac and fries.
Rosie - The Czar's wife is called the Czardine
Chalky - I'm told she is rather unclean
Simons Mith - They bathe her in oil
Raak - And scrape off the soil
Bismarck - And then toast her - with "God save the Queen"!
Superman - While dancing alone in the street
Simons Mith - - Just me and my pair of left feet
Rosie - Approached by the cops
muttleee - I pulled out all the stops
Chalky - With a fandango most indiscreet
Simons Mith - When I tried to foxtrot like heck
Rosie - I landed, tits up, on the deck
Software - No Strictly for me
Raak - Nor boogie-woogee
Phil - Unless Darcey massages my neck *sighs dreamily*
Pablo - Whilst attempting to dance the Palais Glide
Software - My dance partner took me aside
Rosie - And issued a threat
Stevie - (Turns out she’d made a bet)
Chalky - That the last man to cross her had died
Stevie - While waltzing one day with my wife
Raak - I considered the course of my life
Rosie - Strictly, is dancing
Software - Lifestyle enhancing
Bismarck - Or a straight invitation to strife?
Rosie - The lad who delivers my paper
Tuj - Has become an extravagant vaper
Raak - His malevolent fumes
Pablo - From the stuff he consumes
Chalky - Sparked fire in a local skyscraper
muttleee - If you find you can't cope in this heat Topical, eh?
Rosie - Give up. Lie down. Press "Delete"
Raak - Or leap into the shower
Software - And stay there an hour
Simons Mith - Or tie blocks of ice to your feet
Simons Mith - A thunderclap sounds overhead
Stevie - "Cripes!" I scream. "There goes the shed!"
Superman - The tornado went past
Software - Well, that was a blast
Radox The Green - I'm either in Kansas, or dead.
Simons Mith - Now these are a sweet pair of shoes
Stevie - They go nicely with these drainpipe trews
Rosie - And what of my quiff?
Software - It looks a bit stiff
Bismarck - But the style is to die for (T. Hughes.)
Mr T C Hughes - (Bis) Your endorsement is greatly appreciated. I used to have one, a small amount of hair in the middle that hangs down to about eye level but found it a bit annoying and of course hopelessly dated. There seems to be some confusion in online dictionaries between "quiff" and "quim". The latter, of course, is Something Completely Different.
Bismarck - Glad you liked the reference, it took a bit of debate before publishing it.
Simons Mith - My tank top is simply divine Continuing the fashion kick
Rosie - As I strut the catwalk, and shine
Raak - My hot pink top hat
Stevie - Match my Birkenstocks that
Software - I bought on a whim whilst online
penelope - [Mt T. Hughes] As an aside, the most amusing piece of library-book defacing I ever saw was in a book about metaphors, oxymorons, pleonasms and other figures of speech - before t'internet, obvs, probably in about 1992. I was reading about writing as I was trying to make my career in it. The book gave this example of a witty variation of a metaphor: 'My wife has a whim of steel' and someone had written underneath it 'My wife has a quim of ice'.
Oh where would I be without braces?
Simons Mith - To wear them, I've found, takes you places
Rosie - Where big guts abound (pen) Absolutely ace filth. ROFLMAO. Thank you so much
Raak - And everyone's round
Software - There's trouble when tying up laces
Pablo - I've just got a new pair of Docs
Rosie - I'm now skint; quite on the rocks
Bismarck - So the rest of me's nude
Software - Hope you're not a prude
penelope - Besides, I am wearing socks.
Rosie - I lumber around in plus fours
Simons Mith - With varnish on all of my claws
Chalky - The attention I'm getting
Radox The Green - Is merely abetting
Stevie - My love of well-mixed metaphors
Radox The Green - A trilby is quite the 'in' thing
Stevie - When out with The Edge, Rod and Sting
Rosie - My Dad had one - cool!
But he looked such a fool
In his 1952 bling.

Scrub that - couldn't resist it.

Radox The Green - But Harry Styles' crowd
Radox The Green - Oops. Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible.
Software - Dress awfully loud
muttleee - So it's harder to hear Harry sing Ironically
Chalky - I'm liking the cut of your jib
Rosie - Please sing that, and do add some vib
Radox The Green - For synaesthesia
Bismarck - Induces amnesia
Software - And somehow sounds a bit glib
Chalky - Sir's cummerbund looks awfully tight
Software - Will it go bust? It just might
Raak - I suggest a good truss
Rosie - No such thing, y'great wuss
Pablo - If there were, it would be quite a sight
Rosie - It's time for a nice cup of tea
Chalky - Please make it with loose-leafed PG
Software - But don't let it stew
Bismarck - Since that ruins the brew
penelope - And makes it more likely I'll pee.
Tuj - Of late, I have noticed my nose
Software - Gets bigger, old age I suppose
Rosie - It's now a huge strawb'ry
Stevie - Whined Cap’n Jack Aubrey
Chalky - My retort was to shout 'Thar She Blows!'
Rosie - While doing the washing-up (Chalky) ROFLMAO
Software - I dropped my favourite cup
Stevie - That I wore for the test
Stevie - That time England were best
And brought the Ashes back home in a cup

Rosie - While doing the washing-up (Chalky) ROFLMAO

Software - I dropped my favourite cup

Bismarck - Which I'd won for my skill
Raak - At the Morrisons till
Bismarck - For appropriate use of "Wassup?" Mercy killing
penelope - While cleaning the windows indoors
Software - Using an old pair of drawers
Tuj - I began to have fears
Rosie - It would all end in tears
Stevie - You know why? Well I'll tell. It's because      but I've said too much
Tuj - May I bring you a non sequitur?
CdM - Fog is wet and my cat has no fur
Chalky - The party is plum
penelope - Too bad you can't come
Rosie - On the tour de la tour à Tours
Chalky - The strange tale of old Widow Twanky
Rosie - Who no longer does hanky-panky
Raak - Will tug your heartstrings
nights - (amongst other things)
Bismarck - Unless you're a cynical Yankee.
Tuj - While scraping the frost from my car
Software - I heard a voice from afar
Chalky - Its sweetness of tone
Rosie - Which, on its own
Radox The Green - In no way the occasion did mar.
Chalky - I'm planning to swap my Lambretta
penelope - For an out-of-date Wall's Vienetta
Rosie - As transport, it's crap
muttleee - And perhaps a deathtrap
Raak - But costs less than a Volkswagen Jetta.
Pablo - At the start of another new year
Rosie - For the old one I'll not shed a tear
Chalky - It's time to move forward
Software - But first a foreword:
penelope - Never trust a Tory, y'hear? sorrynotsorry
muttleee - When dealing with HMRC
Rosie - Don't tell 'em you're a Tor-ee
Software - Just pretend you forgot
Raak - To declare what you ought
Superman - And reside in St Helier, Jersey.
Stevie - A doctor once told me this thing:
Simons Mith - "If a body part ever goes ping"
Chalky - 'You must dial 999'
Rosie - 'And then hold the line'
Pablo - While they search for a brace or a sling
Stevie - Clapclapclap
CdM - A stranger once said to James Joyce
Bismarck - Oi found Ulysses was quoite noice
Rosie - But then I'm from Bristol
Software - An' reading's a mystrol
Radox The Green - Though me teacher di'n't give me much choice.
Radox The Green - Then again, there is Finnegan's Wake
Stevie - (My copy lies deep in a lake)
Raak - Its sigla are daunting
Bismarck - But the author is taunting
Software - Sorry, I can't keep awake
Bismarck - There is nothing quite like a giraffe
Stevie - Agreed
You asked for that
Bismarck - There is nothing quite like a giraffe
Stevie - When it makes an unpardonable gaffe
Rosie - While on the job, mating
Chalky - It broadcasts a rating
KagomeShuko - Which is all just done for a laugh.
Simons Mith - The wobbegong's beautiful tassels
KagomeShuko - Oft used to decorate castles
Bismarck - Are now so rare
Raak - That my castle is bare
Rosie - It's one of life's little hassles.
KagomeShuko - Were we to eat steak for breakfast
Radox The Green - Clad solely in socks and a string vest
Chalky - Such lack of discretion
Raak - Impairs good digestion
muttleee - When I guzzle it straight down my neck fast Mercy killing
Chalky - Lear's Pobble, we're told, has no toes
Software - But sports a flannel-wrapped nose
Pablo - ,Two diamond-shaped arms
Rosie - Which can recite the Psalms
Bismarck - As to Aunt Jobiska he goes.
Radox The Green - There once was a man and a goat
Chalky - Who joined up in a popular vote
Rosie - To legalise butts
muttleee - But they hadn't the guts
Bismarck - To back their idea on the Tote.
Rosie - On tuning to Radio Three
penelope - Broadcast live from the Rose of Tralee
muttleee - I heard a long pause Can you hear a pause?
Raak - Then thund'rous applause
Radox The Green - Which of course was intended for me.
Projoy - On tuning a past-it piano
Rosie - I used old bits of Meccano
Pablo - To sharpen the "A"
Software - I chose a way
Chalky - First learned in my days at P&O
Superman - I wonder if ChatGPT
Raak - Is all that it's cracked up to be
Rosie - It's cracked-up all right
KagomeShuko - It booked me a flight
Chalky - So now I reside in Tiree
Simons Mith - When AI takes over the planet
Raak - It will eat us all, like a mad gannet
Bismarck - Catastrophes loom
Chalky - As the the agents of doom
Rosie - Take the place of our brains. Just ban it.
ChatGPT - There once was a cat from the moon
Stevie - Who travelled by hot air balloon
ChAlky - Un-for-tune-ate-ly
Bismarck - The Dog from the Sea
Tuj - Stopped its trips with a well-aimed harpoon.
Rosie - My favourite bird is the chough
Tuj - I do not feel it's lauded enough!
Raak - When it tweets on a bough
Simons Mith - Or follows the plough
KagomeShuko - Enjoying the morning is tough.
Tuj - I can't tell my right from my left!
Rosie - Then join the Lib Dems. Be deft!
Software - To be in the middle
Raak - And harmlessly tiddle "to busy oneself with unimportant tasks"
Radox The Green - Till of reality you are bereft.
Chalky - Expecting that things might get worse
Bismarck - I bought me a second-hand hearse
Rosie - 'Cos new ones are pricey
Software - But used - a bit dicey
Pablo - And it turned out a bit of a curse
Bismarck - When flying to Sirius A
Simons Mith - It's vital to park in 'Long Stay'
Rosie - You'll find it quite warm
Chalky - And mosquitos do swarm
Raak - So stay in the spaceport all day.
Rosie - I say "Hello" to the moon
Software - Said the dish to the spoon
Drawing a line -
Rosie - I say Hello to the moon
Chalky - On those days when the world's out of tune
Stevie - Then I take my trombone
Projoy - And create a sound cone
KagomeShuko - So I don't feel like a loon.
Projoy - By a strange constellation of chances
Rosie - I've been invited to sev'ral séances
Stevie - Once the 'plasm starts flowing
Chalky - And my chakras are glowing
Software - The meeting it really enhances
Simons Mith - It was, I admit it, a fluke
Stevie - But I'll not take your scathing rebuke
Tuj - The records will show
Rosie - That I vanquished my foe
muttleee - Using every last trick in the book
Projoy - Chicka-boom, chicka-boom, chicka-wow
Simons Mith - - Not a typical sound for a cow
Rosie - It's ill - got The Lurgi
Projoy - And is all Heisenberg-y
penelope - And it's on an-ti-biotics for now.
Stevie - One day, while out driving my car
muttleee - I spied my true love from afar
Rosie - Thus sorely distracted
Raak - I overreacted
Chalky - For what happened next was bizarre - tbc
Chalky - My true love was dressed as a clown
Rosie - Sure 'nough his trousers fell down
CdM - This gender reveal
muttleee - Became quite a big deal
Projoy - As I clocked his proverbial [noun]
Projoy - I awake and the clock strikes thirteen.
penelope - So it's time for my swig of poteen
Raak - Och aye, and begorrah!
Radox The Green - It's already tomorrow?
Stevie - And yesterday's gone, come and been
Projoy - I encountered a horse and his boy
Raak - As they fled from enslavement in Troy reveal
Simons Mith - The horse said, "Oh man,"
Projoy - "We fled from Tashbaan!"
Software - "And now I'm jumping with joy!"
Stevie - Achilles, it’s said, was a heel
Chalky - And lacked charismatic appeal
Projoy - Plus, he had a glass jaw
Pablo - Which reflected the floor
KagomeShuko - And made his chin look quite teal.
Projoy - A day spent in bed? That's a mood.
Raak - Of which there can come nothing good.
Chalky - But a valid invalid
Stevie - With visage quite pallid
Rosie - Could do with a little food pronounce it as you will
Projoy - The heart wants what hearts tend to want.
muttleee - Like spooning with Norman Lamont
Rosie - An unusual wish
Projoy - But he's more of a dish
Chalky - When served in a greek restaurant
Projoy - I like me a nice cup of tea
Stevie - Or some beer, if I get it for free
muttleee - I don't like hard liquor
Raak - It makes me sicker quicker
Projoy - Than chicory flavour coffee
Chalky - I'm told that I need to act dumb
Radox The Green - So I go around sucking my thumb
Tuj - When approached and addressed
Projoy - I whip out my left breast
Raak - And offer a swig of black rum.
Chalky - Congrats all - that made me laugh out loud
Projoy - Congrats, all, that caused me to lol.
Steve - I confirmed with a quick Twitter Poll
Rosie - But my backside's attached
muttleee - Though the cheeks are mismatched
Bismarck - ROTFL was the goal.
Stevie - CLAPCLAPCLAP! Cheese'n'onon all round!
CdM - I posted a message on X
Projoy - Then got banned for a reference to sex
Raak - But when I asked Y
Stevie - E M Z "O my"
Chalky - "U caused my man muscle to flex"
KagomeShuko - If we all post on Threads this fine day
muttleee - We might stop its rapid decay
Simons Mith - So leave it to rot
penelope - As if you forgot
Projoy - and you quite lost your thread... to... um...


Hey,...




Tuj - I once drew an interesting graph
Projoy - With x showing time, and y, staff
Stevie - The results were quite silly
KagomeShuko - And my friends were quite chilly
Radox The Green - - I'm the largest employer in Llandaff.
Bismarck - Here's a thing, up with which I won't put:
Tuj - The use of the phrase "to step foot". true story
Stevie - And yet, "give a hand"
penelope - Is still in demand
Chalky - When ones face is covered in soot
Tuj - After boarding a plane to Mumbai
Raak - We went up alarmingly high
Simons Mith - As the Earth fell away
Rosie - I was tempted to say
Projoy - "I'm a Bollywood star in the sky!"

(Just call me Apo-ji)
It's an Indian Summer we've got
Software - We know, 'cos it's bloody hot!
Simons Mith - This unseasonal spike It's only just autumn; I think calling it an Indian summer this soon is pushing it a smidge
Rosie - A gross thermal hikereveal
Stevie - Causing boils, heat prostration and  CENSORED  rot.
Chalky - There's a widespread opinion that Sid
Stevie - Was more vicious than Billy the Kid
Projoy - But Celsa and Nancy
Software - (Girls that I fancy)
Rosie - Were dreadful, and landed in Knidd. I think that's how you spell it.
Projoy - Yr Wyddfa? I've walked to the summit!
Rosie - The train is so cheap you could bum it (Pj) Yr wyddfa means "the tomb"
Radox The Green - I admit that the height
Projoy - Leaves my head feeling light
Raak - And I fear I won't walk down, but plummet.
Rosie - Chipping Sodb'ry's the place (Raak) Neat
Projoy - If you want to get punched in the face.
Projoy -
Maybe that needs a scansion tweak:
Chipping Sodbury isn't the place
(If you value the shape of your face)
Rosie - I'm told it's not pretty (Proj) OK - not not of my better ones.
Chalky - Despite a committee
Raak - For balance of gender and race.
Projoy - There's six of 'em up in my attic!
Software - They're giving my radio static
muttleee - They're hooked up to 5G
penelope - At the back of each knee
Simons Mith - They've always been pretty erratic
Raak - My grandfather's contrabassoon
Rosie - Can be heard, so they say, on the moon
muttleee - Its mellifluous tones
Stevie - Rattle teeth, shatter bones
Simons Mith - But it can make an elephant swoon
Projoy - My cat's clarinet, au contraire,
Simons Mith - Is irreparably plugged up with hair
Bismarck - And that's a Good Thing
Rosie - 'Cos 'e can't make it sing
Projoy - (But alas, he had ordered a pair.)
Projoy - The Wolf in the woods had the horn
Simons Mith - And practiced each Sunday at dawn [keeping it musical]
Rosie - The slumbering sheep (SM) spoilsport
Raak - Woke at the first peep
Radox The Green - And bleated at him with some scorn.
Tuj - A hamster seen playing the flute
Rosie - Would be a bit of a hoot
Simons Mith - Would be more than a bit of a hoot, I'd suggest.
An owl on the cello
penelope - Plays something more mellow
Radox The Green - To back the sweet song of the newt.
Projoy - A timpani-playing amoeba
goldfinch - And a Yankee saxophonist zebra
Raak - Met up with a lynx
penelope - In front of the Sphinx
Simons Mith - But that's gotta be better than Bieber I feel quite forced
Chalky - The old folk of Chalfont St Peter
Projoy - Feel that HS2 would have been neater
goldfinch - Had the track been aligned
goldfinch - Oh no. Refresh page double post. Apologies.

• Chalky - The old folk of Chalfont St Peter
• Projoy - Feel that HS2 would have been neater
• goldfinch - Had the track been aligned
Projoy - Per the plan that was signed (two days is long enough to wait)
Rosie - As OK for just a two-seater.
Simons Mith - When walking the Appian Way
Rosie - (Appi was drunk, by the way)
Projoy - With Grumppi and Sneezi
Stevie - Both feeling quite queasi
Projoy - We still made Brindisi by day
goldfinch - The mushroom on which I was seated
Projoy - Soon began to feel centrally heated
Raak - It then spoke to me
Software - Hallucinogenicly
Stevie - (I suspect that my brain had been pleated).
This warm portobello recliner
Blob - Is a mushroom that couldn't be finer
Projoy - Tilts any direction
Raak - With supine perfection
Rosie - And manufactured in China.
Projoy - This felt is quite fuzzy to touch
Stevie - (Though I'm worried it isn't quite "butch")
Rosie - And what's more it itches
goldfinch - (Are those ticks in the stitches?)
Simons Mith - (Or weevils, or some other such?)
Projoy - Comes the night, comes a change, comes a fear
Simons Mith - Comes a need for a good pint of beer
CdM - And goes by the wayside
blamelewis - Let's cross to the dayside
Stevie - Do the clocks get put back around here?
Bismarck - For the last time, the clocks have gone back
Raak - Away with this autumnal slack!
goldfinch - But the clock on my cooker
Projoy - Looks crook, getting crooker
Rosie - I'll just have to hit it - thwack!
Projoy - Oh, the fear of an empty white page
blamelewis - The start's the most difficult stage
Raak - I'll begin in a bit
goldfinch - Oh, it’s hard, isn’t it?
Chalky - Damn this Infinite Monkey Cage
Projoy - The Tuesdayish feelings I have
Rosie - As I sit here and strain on the lav
Software - Regretting that curry
blamelewis - And the seventh McFlurry
goldfinch - And that third slice of passionfruit pav.

blamelewis - My gastrointestinal woes
Rosie - Have not yet affected my nose
goldfinch - At my doctor’s suggestion
Projoy - I've hastened digestion
Radox The Green - In it comes, through it goes - "There she blows!"
Projoy - In the forest, the forest, the dark
Rosie - Where nothing stirs. But hark!
Chalky - The Jabberwock waiting
Raak - In hope of a mating
goldfinch - Then the forest, the forest, the dark.
blamelewis -
It is often the case that my aunt
Bismarck - Will pause to insist that I can't
Projoy -
I interrupt: "Can!"
blamelewis - And bring in my gran
goldfinch - “—no, you can’t play with Gran’s ear implant.”
Projoy -
It is often the case that my dad
Raak - Pours scorn on the latest "yoof" fad
Stevie - But I found his Zoot Suit
Rosie - And stale cheroot loot
blamelewis - He claims they'll be "back" in a tad.
Stevie - Seems Dad was a "Ted" in his day
Projoy - Pints of Brylcreem to make his hair stay
Rosie - And those winkle-pickers
blamelewis - elicit some snickers
Chalky - But the drainpipes blew all away
blamelewis - It is often the case that my Mum
Chalky - Took umbrage when I sucked my thumb
Rosie - Poor Umbridge, nice place
Projoy - (but thumb stayed in face)
goldfinch - But my dad didn’t mind, not a crumb.

It is often the case that my Dad
Projoy - Talks of lives he might somehow have had
penelope - Had he taken the chance
Software - And moved over to France
Rosie - He would have been labelled a cad.
Projoy - It is never the case that my son
goldfinch - Stops his laces from coming undone
Software - Despite double bow
blamelewis - And a lot of velcro.
Raak - He always trips up on a run.
Projoy - It is sometimes the case that my daughter
goldfinch - Does not always do what she oughta
Software - She stays out at night
Raak - And she looks such a sight
Rosie - But satisfies the riff-raff who court her.
Projoy - Line up on this board by the pool
goldfinch - In height order, you know the rule
Superman - On my count of three
Software - All bend at the knee
Rosie - And shed a world-ranking stool
KagomeShuko - When at the North Pole you'll see
Projoy - Santa Claus on an Amazon spree
Stevie - With one-click aplomb
Raak - You can send him a bomb
Bismarck - Which he'll give to kids who are naughty.
Projoy - In April I open my bill
penelope - In the hope of a gobful of krill
Rosie - Instead, there was sewage
CdM - And what's more (the worst bit)
muttleee - It's making me feel rather ill
Bismarck - As we come to the end of the year
Projoy - Let's let fly with this impotent jeer:
Superman - I'll cut off your balls
Raak - Which I'll nail to the walls
Bismarck - Instead of holly and ivy, you hear?
blamelewis - Such seasonal violence aside
Raak - Let peace rule on this Christmastide
muttleee - Let's all just chill out
Projoy - You'd better not shout.
goldfinch - Pull a cracker – BANG – oops, the peace died.
Projoy - Cold turkey is no kind of fun
goldfinch - And a sign that the roast's underdone
KagomeShuko - Fruitcake's no good
Rosie - So gimme Christmas Pud
Stevie - While I wait for the year's course to run
goldfinch - The secret for succulent meat
Chalky - Lies down at the end of our street
Rosie - Those burgers are yummy
Raak - For they're flame-grilled with honey
Projoy - So no need to go on to sweet
Tuj - My cat had a wonderful Yule
Stevie - E'en though he behaved like a tool
Chalky - He chainsawed the tree
Simons Mith - And ate the budgie
goldfinch - So I’m rehoming him in Kabul
Projoy - It will now take some weeks for my belly
Chalky - To shift from in front of the telly
Rosie - My brain, too, is f****d rhyme it as you wish
goldfinch - But there's two Roses left!
Projoy - Shall I have 'em? Why, yes! On your nelly!
Projoy - It is grim and I want for some sun
Stevie - But the rain and the fog aren't quite done
Raak - And tonight, snow and ice
Radox The Green - Will be playing at dice
Juxtapose - With hailstones (for even more fun!)
Projoy - This was fun, but I have to be going
Raak - Next morning for Cambridge I’m rowing
goldfinch - The cox says my stroke
Rosie - Needs that much more poke
blamelewis - And I must ditch the hamper I'm towing
CdM - The whales off of east New South Wales
Projoy - Are relaxed about storms, floods and gales
Rosie - Well, some like it rough
Stevie - (Orcas surf in the buff)
goldfinch - But enough off-the-cuff whale details.
Tuj - Have you recently fallen in love?
Rosie - I wouldn't quite call it that, bruv
Projoy - Then have you been dating?
penelope - I'm equivocating
Stevie - Such pedestrian stuff, I'm above
Pablo - As the weather grows colder and colder
Raak - The White Walkers roam south ever bolder
Radox The Green - No wall is too high
Stevie - The zombies draw nigh!
Projoy - Someone stop them! We need a door-holder!
goldfinch - Here's the carrot and there is the stick
Simons Mith - So which are you going to pick?
Software - The choice is so hard
Pablo - Like picking a card
Projoy - Incentives should best do the trick.
Projoy - The cave where the blue monkeys dwell
Software - Has a very particular smell
goldfinch - Of typewriter ribbon
Raak - And erudite gibbon
Rosie - So pongy, and funky as well.
Projoy - O, to follow a winding canal
penelope - To somewhere more calm (not banal) Margo Leadbetter vowels invoked
goldfinch - With Prunella Scales
Rosie - Whom Basil fails
Chalky - With fawlty unsafe rationale
Projoy - Sail a boat, bonny girl; be at peace.
Rosie - You'll find all your problems will cease (Chalky) Classy, that
Chalky - Your peace is assured (Rosie) too kind, dear chap
goldfinch - For the time you’re unmoored
Raak - If you keep all your rollocks well-greased.
Bismarck - When one tunes in to Radio 1
Projoy - One will wish that one hadn't've done.
Software - For it's radio crap
Chalky - (moans the grumpy old chap)
muttleee - It's like tuning in to The Sun Would rather not have used 'tune in' again but couldn't think of anything else that scanned.
Bismarck - While listening to Radio Two
Projoy - - Which is what one would rather not do -
Software - I was bored out my mind
Raak - Then thought "search and you'll find"
Chalky - 'I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue'
goldfinch - Go to bed in a bitter bad mood
Projoy - And then breakfast on mountains of food
Chalky - Then maybe you'll find
Rosie - Your bogrolls unwind
Projoy - To keep pace with the quantities pooed
Chalky - The rate of inflation's insane
Projoy - By the time I wrote this line, the gain
Software - Is forty percent
goldfinch - So I live in a tent
Rosie - As for cash, I have naught but disdain.
Projoy - When one listens to Radio Three
goldfinch - (Which is not at all smug or snobby)
Raak - One's erudite taste
penelope - Does not go to waste
Pablo - With Darjeeling as one's choice of tea
Bismarck - Now Radio Four's for the few
Rosie - Such as those who Haven't A Clew
Projoy - And those who like Ambridge
Chalky - Or speak the welsh language
goldfinch - Tuned in from Lundy in a canoe.
Rosie - (Chalky) Ofnadwy! Ti'n medddw neu rhywbeth?
Software - Radio Caroline for me is the best
Projoy - For those who are pop tune obsessed
Rosie - But if you like jazz
penelope - Scuttle Radio Caz
goldfinch - And give Tony Blackburn a rest.
Projoy - There's four thousand holes in the hall
Bismarck - Through which the kobolds will crawl
Raak - Even Superman quails
Software - His power fails
Rosie - So holes blocked, therefore, sod all.
goldfinch - There’s nine million bikes in Beijing
Software - Each with a bell that goes ping
Projoy - They fly through the dawn
Raak - And park on the lawn
Bismarck - Against the law of Comrade Xi Jiping
Projoy - When the clock strikes out four steady chimes
Raak - It's the signal to set loose the mimes
goldfinch - Whose blitheness of spirit
Rosie - Is of great mirit NZ pronunciation invoked
Software - And moves along with the times
Projoy - There isn't a reason I know
goldfinch - Why the cat should be starting to glow
Software - Perhaps it's on heat
Rosie - And hoping to meet
Radox The Green - A cool cat to lay on a show.
Projoy - I'm feeling some strange feelings, man
goldfinch - And I’m not sure it’s part of the plan
Chalky - I seem to be joined
goldfinch - (While my reason’s purloined)
Bismarck - By James Bond in a VW van.
Chalky - I've just taken leave of my senses
Projoy - And I've start to relinquish my tenses
Raak - My ego is stilled
Rosie - Libido killed
Stevie - Ennui's destroyed my mental fences.
Projoy - A spell at the track, watching dogs
goldfinch - In pursuit of fake hare each dog jogs
Rosie - But a jog supersonic
Pablo - (and that's NOT a mneumonic!)
Radox The Green - Cannot be achieved wearing clogs.
Projoy - It grows in each corner, like mould
Stevie - When the air becomes stale, damp and cold
Chalky - But if rats intervene
goldfinch - Just apply margarine
Rosie - A rodenticide, so I am told.
KagomeShuko - If it's butter you seemingly lack,
CdM - Then make use of this genius hack:
Raak - Find a dandelion field
goldfinch - And ‘neath your chin wield
Chalky - A small knob of Danish Lurpak
CdM - All the poems that ever were written
Projoy - Can't compare to the new of a kitten
Projoy - *mew
Stevie - BIFURCATION!

But "new what?" you may ask | That soprano cry
Tuj - Well! Let onlookers bask | Could bring tears to the eye
Chalky - And they'll note that I've just been bitten/And a language that's yet to be written
CdM - Hmmm... Let's see if this one goes any better. :)

The most desperate words ever spoken
Projoy - I exclaimed as I woke in Hoboken:
Raak - "Send Marmite! And cheese!"
Stevie - "And some toasted bread, please"
Simons Mith - And a 50p gas meter token!
Stevie - [CdM] Another flub. 50P? In Hoboken? Woe, lackaday etc 8o)
CdM - All the dreams of my youth are long faded
Raak - All my sensuous tastes are long jaded
Radox The Green - I shall lie in my bed
Chalky - And watch TV instead
Projoy - Then wink out, just the way the display did
Now the arc of my plan's more a spike
Software - What's that? Speak into the mike
Raak - A bang then a whimper
Simons Mith - A fart and a simper
CdM - (And the heckler can get on his bike)
CdM - [R,R,C,P] Now that was a limerick!
Rosie - (CdM) Agreed. Top-drawer.
Projoy -
Can the real Mister Shady stand up?
Software - So that we can present the cup
Pablo - And a small piece of paper
blamelewis - Freshly dropped by a vaper
Chalky - Which proves his real name is Miles Jupp
Rosie - I am a Morniverser
Projoy - May I revise as I think you put a glow worm in the limericks (and vice versa)
I play in the Morniverse games
Raak - Wearing gold-plated spectacle frames
Chalky - But have noticed of late
Projoy - That they're losing their plate
KagomeShuko - So I guess it's time for new frames.
Projoy - Be young and be foolish, he said.
Rosie - So do it now, before you are dead (Pj) Yeah, funny stuff, alcohol. A small molecule that goes round the brain pulling out a few plugs.
muttleee - Because once you're deceased
goldfinch - Turns out everything's leased
Projoy - Sink your gold in a cask lined with lead.
CdM - O! Were it not for my vanity
Raak - I'd eschew this vexatious insanity
goldfinch - I’d cast off my qualms
Projoy - Call out saws; sing out psalms
Software - I'd live in total inanity
goldfinch - Oh, I wish I'd looked after me teeth[1]
Software - 'cos for now they just need a wreath
Projoy - All the toffees I chewed
penelope - And the plaque I accrued
muttleee - Means they're not even fit to bequeath To some lucky relative, obvs. :-)
CdM - On the day that the music ceased living
Radox The Green - I remember that I was then giving
Projoy - Out newspapers, news
goldfinch - Of the dry levee blues
Chalky - And such heartbreak went deep like a shivving
Software - While rooting around in my shed
Rosie - Up with which I soon got fed
CdM - Then off with which pissedreveal
Projoy - I was - you - grabbed my wrist (pass the parse-l)
Chalky - Which down balloon went like a lead
Projoy - The legs that I grow in my garden
Chalky - Need concrete and sun for to harden
Rosie - And when they are done
CdM - With concrete and sun
Rosie - I'll be stuck; can't move; beg pardon.
Projoy - I'm refined: I drink sherry and port.
Simons Mith - A mixture my grandmother taught
Tuj - Though she'd also opine
Raak - That strawberry wine
Rosie - Was poison, and lands you in court.
Projoy - Be awatch, for the tigers may come
Software - Sneak up and bite on your bum
Simons Mith - If they come from the side
goldfinch - You’ll be swiftly de-thighed
Chalky - Leaving one buttock startlingly numb
CdM - The most perfect example of karma
Chalky - Occurs if one unmasks a llama
Simons Mith - When their cover is blown
Raak - They despairingly moan
Software - They love to make it a drama
Simons Mith - Alpacas are much more relaxed
Rosie - E'en when their patience is taxed
Projoy - Can I suggest a tweak?:
Though their patience must sorely be taxed
By the wool in their eyes
CdM - And so it's no surprise
muttleee - That they're calmest when recently waxed
Pablo - So may we now welcome the spring?
Raak - Or is it but premature bling?
CdM - Should we really focus
Bismarck - On tulips and crocus
Projoy - Late April, O where wert thy schwing?
CdM - Although last month was awfully cruel
CdM - Often I come back and re-read these lines, and find the scansion/stress in my head is less clear on the page. :(

Although last month was awfully cruel
Software - So cold it used up my fuel
Raak - ("...all my fuel"?)
The forecast's Set Fair
Projoy - For somewhen; for somewhere
Chalky - So will now head south-east to Kitzbühel
Bismarck - Take one pound of self-raising flour
Projoy - And some free range eggs into the shower.
Chalky - Add dandruff shampoo
goldfinch - And a bath bomb or two
CdM - Then bake Gas Mark 4 for an hour
Projoy - I unwisely deployed a molossus
Rosie - A poetical speed-bump to boss us (Pj) That was difficult
Bismarck - The confounded thing
Chalky - Took an almighty swing
Projoy - And impacted my smarting probscis
When it's Friday you don't seem to know it
Chalky - Then you're told it's the Day Of The Poet
Rosie - But most say "Thank God"
Software - This verse is not cod Invoking polari
Raak - But the lim'rick's a cramped space to show it.
Projoy - The bin round has started and, phew,
Chalky - Now diesel fuel's refused - who knew?
Why not take a stand?
B I P HR