The count has been counted, Returning Officers have returned, and party rosettes have been trampled underfoot in the Town Hall Chamber at the end of election night.
Get your glad rags on for the Local Party Election Victory Ball at the Town Hall Ballroom, 7.30pm for 8pm, black tie, carriages at midnight. But there are bound to be one or two late-comers...
irach - And now please welcome Col.
Waretheides-O'March and wife Beatrice, who we know by her nicknmae
Bea.
RedSnapper - Look who's here! It's Dr.
Stern and his lovely wife
Guilda.
irach - Please welcome Mr.
Oftheshrew who's arrived with his Vietnamese fiancee,
Tami Ng.
Robin - Closely followed by Mrs
AssPoorYorick with her husband
Al.
Redsnapper - Ah, her comes Mr.
O'Medes with his lovely wife
Di
irach - And what would this Midsummer Night's soiree be without them - please welcome Mr.
Ryqueen and his enchanting wife
Fay.
RedSnapper - Now arriving, Ms.
Morelovely and Ms.
Moretemperate with their mutual friend
Art and here's Mrs.
Lock and her little daughter, oh she's so
shy, as is Mrs.
Budsofmay's little
darling - they too have just walked in.
irach - From Italy, please welcome Ms.
Ofverona who's accompanied by
two gentlemen, and now here come Mr.
Tonio with his wife
Ann, and his good friend Mr.
Anio who's here with his wife
Bess.
Robin - Please welcome Mr and Mrs
LusandCressida with their son
Troy, along with Mr and Mrs
TersTale and their son
Wyn.
irach - And now, welcome Mrs.
O'Lanus and her little boy
Cory.
RedSnapper - Announcing the arrival of Mrs.
Iloquy and her huband Solomon, who's known to all and sundry as just
Sol.
irach - Please welcome Mrs.
Ingdom-Forahorse and her husband
Mike.
Dandalf - And now, sure to make a big splash - Mrs
Turd and her husband
Richard D.
irach - And now, scaling the wall to get here, are Ms.
Amusandthisbe and her lover boy
Pierre.
RedSnapper - Now let's give a well proportioned welcome to Mr.
Sureformeasure and his wife
May , Mrs.
Net who's accompanied by her
son and Mrs.
Zabethan and her husband
Eli.
Dandalf - Please welcome, on my left Mrs
Gue and her husband
Monty, and on my right Mrs
Pulet with her consort Charles Anthony, known to all as
C.A.
irach - Here now are Mrs.
Onofathens and husband
Tim accompanied by Mrs.
Cles and her son
Perry.
Alexander - Coming up from the cellar Mr and Mrs N KRANTS and their lovely daughter ROSE, closely followed by Mr STEIN who has just tipped me a GUILDER. (cheeky sod not even legal tender now!)
irach - Another one, shall we...? Welcome, Ladies and Gentlemen to the most earth shaking global event of the year-
THE ANNUAL GEOGRAPHERS' BALL.
irach - Please welcome Mrs.
Amanca and her husband
Sal, Mrs.
Ya and her husband
Ken, and all the way from Russia, Mrs.
Ivostok and her husband
Vlad.
Dandalf - And from the smallest EU member state, we are honoured with the presence of Ms
Etta and her husband
Val
irach - Now arriving Mrs.
Wa and her husband
Otto, Mrs.
Toba and her spouse
Manny, Ms.
Monton and her beau
Ed and Mrs.
Berta and her man
Al.
Wol - Please welcome
Mr and Mrs Placetostopandbuypetrolbeforethemotorway and their Swedish son
Lars.
Tuj - And also Mr
Manislands and his wife
Kay.
Tuj - ...and of course her sister, who's called
Kay too.
irach - Here come Mr.
Ados and his wife
Barb, Mr.
Apolis and his wife
Minnie, Mrs.
Pelago and her husband
Archie, Mrs.
Tucky and her husband
Ken, and finally Mr.
Apagos and his
gal.
Rosie - Oh look, there's
Loess. How
gneiss.
irach - Look now , it's Mrs.
Ifax with her husband
Hal, Ms.
Chu-Picchu who's come with her
Ma and Mr.
Ho, accompanied by his wife
Ida.
Rosie - Will you all please welcome
Mr and Mrs Luvialdeposits and their son
Al.
Rosie - And now prithee abase y'rselves before
Mr & Mrs Ticline and their daughter
Ann.
Rosie - I see the working girls have arrived, or
The Mendips, as we call them.
irach - Please welcome Mrs.
Jave and her husband
Mo, Mr.
Livia and his wfe
Bo, Mrs.
Bleland and her husband
Ara, Mrs.
Ora and her
son and Ms.
Kistan and her
Pa.
irach - Now arriving Mr.
Ence and his wife
Flo, Mrs.
Inburgh and her husband
Ed, Ms.
Rdeen and her beau
Abe, Mr.
Mentaryrock and his wife
Sadie, Ms.
Acabana and her fiance- he's a
cop, and Mrs.
Islava with her fidgety, whining little boy - boy, is he a
brat!
pooksad - And also the twins
Fergus and
Rick, lazy as ever in their
car!
irach - Welcome now Ms.
Ifornia and her husband
Cal, Mrs
Pinemeadow and her husband
Al, Mrs.
Ghazi and her husband
Ben and Mrs.
O'Mites with her little girl- she's such a little
doll.
Irouléguy - And just arriving are the
Seilles clan, headed by their
Mar, followed by Mr and Mrs
Kjavik and their son
Ray
Rosie - Will you please welcome
Mr and Mrs Ube and their son
Dan.
irach - Now arriving are Mr.
Bai and his
Mum, Mr.
Rradelfuego and his lovely wife
Tia, Mrs.
Enhagen and her husband, he's a
cop, and Mr.
Gota, accompanied by his lovely wife
Bo.
Pooksad - Oh look,here's
Mona and
co.
Rosie - Please put your hands together for
Mr and Mrs Bennettdidyoueverseesuchglaciatedlandforms and their son
Gordon.
irach - Ah, and her come Mrs.
Buktu and her husband
Tim, Mrs.
Geria and her husband
Al and Dr.
Insula and his lovely wife Penelope, that's
Pen to us all.
Phil - Mrs & Mrs
Eria have brought their son
Nige and their daughter
Lib. And I see Mr
Congo has completed his PhD, and is now
DR Congo.
nfras - Please welcome Mr.
Tinentaldrift and his son
Con. Heralding the arrival of Mrs.
Wan and her daughter
Tai, sorry, the young lady is now married to Mr.
Pei. Late as usual we have Mr. and Mrs.
Skye and their lovely daughter
Isla.
irach - Here comes Mrs.
Rocco, accompanied by her man
Mo, Mr.
Ablanca and his wife
Cass, Mrs.
Geria and her husband
Al, and Mrs.
Tius with her husband
Maury.
Dandalf - And,arriving undercover -
Q, keeper of spy gadgets for the
IRA.
irach - Here's the gangster Don
Davia accompanied by his
moll, followed close on their heels by his ex-moll Ms.
Ube, all dressed in blue, accompanied by her new gangster beau,
Dan, and ahh, here come the
Polis sisters,
Anna and
Minnie A.
nfras - Here come Mr and Mrs
River and their two sons,
Niall and
Clyde. And following close behing them is Mr
Issippi and his unmarried daughter, the beautiful
Miss.
irach - Look who's now arriving- it's none other than Mr.
Jevo with his wife
Sara, Mrs
Aragua and her husband
Nick, Mrs.
Vador with her lovely daughters
Elle and
Sal; oh! here come Master
Raguay and little Miss
Kistan who're both here with their
Pas , Mr.
Aide whose arrived with his lady
Adele, and finally the henpecked Mrs.
Oya with his wife- she's a real
nag!
Botherer - The incredibly gifted lab
Tech, Ms
Cplates, familiarly known as
Toni.
irach - Here comes Mr.
Ir with his wife
Pam, Mrs.
Otho has just arrived accompanied by her hubby
Les; Oh! here's Mr.
Tok and his
gang, and now arriving Mr.
Tucket and his lovely wife
Nan and his daday, affectionately known as
Paw and finally Mrs.
Bany who's arrived with husband
Al.
Botherer - Over a week since I last looked and only one? Time to refresh with
SPORTING EVENTS BALLAnd first up to the post, the delightful matriach
d'National, affectionately known to all as
Gran.
Dandalf - Here they come, making a terrible
racket, Ms.
Nis and her
Ten kids
Rosie - Will you please welcome
Mr and Mrs Perbowl and their daughter
Sue.
irach - Here comes Ms.
Jumping with her fiance Bernard Graham, popularly known to all as
Bern G., Mrs.
Polo's now arrived with her husband
Walter; ah! here comes Mrs.
Kerr with her hubby
ChuckImpic-Games with her man
Olly and Mr.
Thon and his lovely wife
Mara.
Rosie - Please be upstanding for
Mr and Mrs DVvanstrophysemifinalsecondlegdecidedonpenalties and their daughter
Elle.
Software - Please welcome from the USA
Mr and Mrs Erofpolo and their son
Chuck.
Irouléguy - Please stand back and allow the caretakers to remove the picture over the mantelpiece - we had thought it was an original
Upfinal, but I'm afraid it's proved to be a
Fake.
Software - Also from the US of A
Mr and Mrs Ations and their young daughter,
Fawn.
Robin - And a welcome please for
Mr and Mrs Ing-Cup and their son
Carl.
Rosie - A big hand please for
Mr and Mrs Spoonrace and their son
Egon.
Software - Just entering
Admiral and Mrs Rhys-Cupp and their lovely daughter
Amy.
Rosie - Prithee all abase y'selves before
Mr and Mrs Bennettlookatthelengthofthatticketqueue and their son
Gordon. (trad.)
Phil - From North of the border come
Mr & Mrs Cutta Cup with their sone
Cal
Dandalf - And here they come, weaving through the gates with a swish, that popular
Neskiing couple,
Al &
Pi.
Phil - From Spain,
Mr & Mrs Hundred-Metres are here, and a short dash away is their son
Juan driving their
4 x 4
Irouléguy - And behind them that popular couple from the world of televised sport, Mr and Mrs
Cingfromwarwick and their son
Ray.
Software - Make way for
Mr & Mrs National and their
Gran.
irach - Here comes Mrs.
Tuckyderby with her husband
Ken and Mr.
Te with his lovely wife
Kara; here's Mr. and Mrs.
Wando who've brought along their little
tyke, accompanied by Mrs.
Ido and her husband
Ike.
Phil - [irach] Couldn't
Ken Do come, or Solly "The
Jew" Jitsu?
Dandalf - And here we have Mr.
Larts his wife
Martia, accompanied by their daughter
Pauline who came by
Tram.
plump - Please welcome
Mr & Mrs Deeanappleizfivehundred and their son
Ian
Phil - Please be upstanding for
Mr & Mrs Manteetee and their biker daughter
Isla
Dandalf - A big hand for the
Raleigh brothers,
Monty and
Carlo.
Software - Please welcome
Mr and Mrs Mulerwan and their quadruplets, known as the
Four.
plump - Please welcome
Mr & Mrs Sh and their son
Lou and his friend
Bob Slay
irach - Please give a rousing welcome to Mrs.
Atta and her husband
Reg and Mr.
Ving who's accompanied by his lady
Di; look- here's Mr.
Vault with his fiancee from Wroclaw- (she's a
Pole), and Mr.
Xing with his wife
Bo.
Phil - From the International Olympic Committee, please welcome from Spain,
Senor Slipofthefingerandthewrongsoddingcitygetstheolympics and his button-pushing pal,
Juan
irach - Here comes Mrs.
Mostlost-DeMatch with her husband
Al, followed by Mrs.
Tplace and her husband
N. Lars; Oh! and here come Miss
Elle Bow and her fiance
T. Ennis.
penelope - Are we fed up of the continual party circuit yet? Is it time for a new game?
rab - It would seem so - since it's been a week since you posed that question:
Mornington Crescent.
Audience -
*shouts, screams generally goes wild for rab*
This is the end of the line. There is no more.