When the Crescenters arrive at Rab...

And so it begins...

  • peneloope - I eat four when I feel a bit groggy
  • Bob the dog - I fry them with cheese Welcome Peneloope.
  • Martha Farquar - After spraying the fleas
  • Blob - Though I do find that makes them go soggy
  • penelope - I want sausage, egg, chips and a tea
  • Boolbar - That's for a friend, it's salad for me
  • Bob the dog - I'll have it with spam
  • rab - Washed down with a dram
  • Martha Farquar - Of battery acid or three
  • Lib - In case of emergency, you should
  • Martha Farquar - Supply us with cold Yorkshire Pud
  • gil - A pint of warm ale,
  • penelope - Which we slowly inhale
  • blamelewis - Though we know it won't so any good

  • blamelewis - ack! *do* any good... not "so"...
  • blamelewis -
    I can spell but my proofreading sucks (drawing inspiration from ineptitude...)
  • rab - Eggs like a grandmother clucks
  • CdM - Disapprovingly when
  • penelope - are you coming? At ten?
  • Bob the dog - Those white-coated in their trucks.

    I remember the very first time
  • Bob the dog - Apologies - previous last line should read "Those white-coated men in their trucks" so much for proof-reading.
  • Bob the dog - Start again
    I remember the very first time
  • gil - I wrote my first limerick line
  • rab - It began with a word
  • CdM - Writer's block then occurred
  • Carmine -
  • snorgle - A writer cried as he ran past
  • Thos - "The monster that follows is vast"
  • penelope - "So pick up your pen"
  • Uncle Korky - "And let me know when"
  • KH - "It has finished its morning repast"
  • inky line -
  • Lib - There was a young lady from Crewe
  • penelope - Who said not 'Good-day' but 'Adieu'
  • blamelewis - For she went 'fore she came *parka please*
  • KH - She was never the same
  • Uncle Korky - And I wouldn't like that - would you?
  • Raak - The first day of summer is here
  • PaulWay - And it's made my petunias go queer!
  • Lib - They're drooping right over
  • rab - My four-leaféd clover
  • Martha Farquar - Though I watered them with the best beer
  • Uncle Korky - I've been stuck in the office all day
  • blamelewis - With a pitchfork, a horse and some hay
  • LotUS - The resulting output *sidling towards coat rack*
  • KH - Means there's something afoot...
  • DrQu+xum - The Amish have joined the twins Kray.
  • KH - Whenever I go to the shops
  • penelope - Dow Jones rises but our FTSE drops
  • Bob the dog - One Euro is worth
  • blamelewis - A fortnight in Perth (Scotland or Australia - you choose...)
  • Uncle Korky - Or a ticket to Top of the Pops
  • CdM - The kroner, peseta and lira
  • rab - Are no use on a trip to Madeira
  • LotUS - Not even escudos
  • blamelewis - (Though they may earn you kudos)
  • Uncle Korky - Will buy you a few pints of beer
  • rab - Enumerative Combinatorics
  • CdM - Read at night, with a big mug of Horlicks,
  • Martha Farquar - Is the very best thing
  • I Say, Porter! - To get back in the swing
  • gil - And to make you all true alcoholics
  • Bob the dog - A hairy young Vicar from Perth
  • rab - Should be given a very wide berth
  • Uncle Korky - Lest his big hirsute mits
  • Bernard black - Which are cold - he admits
  • gil - Be employed to assist giving birth
  • KH - Again unemployment is down
  • LotUS - Since everyone's becoming a clown
  • blamelewis - simulposted - spooky! for I have a new job as a clown
    I perform in the House
  • snorgle - Where often I douse unfinished sentence alert..
  • Uncle Korky - My wife, when she's in her best gown
  • gil - I wish I could be a buffoon
  • LotUS - And dance by the light of the moon
  • Bob the dog - I would prance like an elf
  • penelope - Casting spells at myself
  • rab - And play Mahler on the bassoon
  • The long straw -
  • Bob the dog - A wonderful sight to behold
  • snorgle - Is rab (or so I am told)
  • KH - But snorgle, however
  • Uncle Korky - (when clad all in leather)
  • penelope - Makes poor Uncle Korky feel old I'm just asking for trouble, aren't I?
  • rab - [snorgle] Sounds like I owe your source a fiver.

    It seems pen's asking for trouble

  • Uncle Korky - As I'm not quite as old as my double
  • penelope - aside [rab] Can't bring yourself to write pen is on your own site to make it scan, eh? Why on earth not? ;o)
  • Martha Farquar - But the double I've seen is
  • rab - [pen] Um... I was drinking a cup of tea at the time, which threw my scansion into disarray. Obviously.
  • LotUS - Now on The Tweenies invoking dubious rhyme
  • Software - And now my double is double bubble
  • Linesman -
  • blamelewis - Whilst walking one day in Bangkok
  • Dujon - I happened upon Doctor Spock -- Keeping it clean; well, so far. :-)
  • Uncle Korky - I asked his advice
  • rab - About pubic lice Sorry, Dujon, couldn't resist
  • KH - And then "Got the time on ya, cock?"
  • Line Police -
  • Uncle Korky - Eurovision's come round again!
  • Martha Farquar - So let's have a big hand for Spain
  • rab - 'Cos they know how to dance
  • KH - So much better than France
  • I Say, Porter! - And list'ning to Norway's a strain
  • I Say, Porter! - And talking of strain:
    My diet is lacking in fibre a nice easy rhyme...
  • Boolbar - My innards now flow like the Tigre
  • Uncle Korky - It's not at all funny
  • Lib - Why can't it be runny?
  • Martha Farquar - And it's really not fun for my wiper. [I'm the Prince of Wales y'know]
  • snorgle - I'm in dire need of good advice!
  • rab - About the cost of herb and spice
  • Martha Farquar - For I make pot pourri
  • Projoy - And I brew it like tea.
  • penelope - Does it work to eradicate lice?
  • rab - Tonight, in the Big Brother House
  • KH - There will be an arrogant louse
  • LotUS - Who claims to know
  • Martha Farquar - That Anouska will go
  • Martha Farquar - OK, make that That Scott will soon go (who is from Liverpool)
  • Puckoon - But will he talk or is he a mouse.
  • Puckoon - sorry forgot a line.
  • penelope - Is it fair to talk of mice and men?
  • Puckoon - D'no. Good question Pen'.
  • snorgle - Why not speak of blatant floozies?
  • DrQu+xum - Or of Tommy guns and Uzis
  • CdM - Or of when we'll have lim'ricks again sorry, sorry -- I'm not usually a CAMREL activist ... but we are setting new records here. I don't think any of those lines scans appropriately for a limerick.
  • Uncle Korky - In the quest for new methods of scansion
  • penelope - < Mode= Huff >Oi, Oi, Oi!!! My line goes thus
    Is it fair to talk of mice and men... and I really don't see a problem with that or with any of the other lines.
    OTH, you are entitled to your opinion, but in your haste to make a point, you have chosen a line in which you have had to delete a syllable to make it scan. Perhaps you can now start us off on a suitable new scheme? ;o) < / Huff>
    We now return to our regular schedule... sorry to interrupt Uncle K, but I was simulposted.
  • CdM - [pen] I really don't want to start another scansion war; god knows we have had enough of these. And I agree (and almost said, and should have said) that your line was ok except for the peculiar stress on a preposition. (Maybe you meant to set a limerick in which we would contrast talking of mice and men with talking to them? :-) ) But the other lines ... I'm sorry, but even with a lot of squeezing and twisting, they really can't be made to work. And, yes, I deleted a syllable. So what?
    Each line becomes prone to expansion
  • rab - The longer they get [pen] To be fair, I read your opener about 12 times and couldn't get it to fit what I consider a limerick pattern. But as CdM says, we don't want to go down the road of another scansion war (see the York archives for what happens when things get really ugly).
  • Raak - The less well they vet
  • Bob the dog - And it all gets too ugly to mantion </scansion war> <pararhyme war> ...
  • DrQu+xum - If you find yourself short of a rhyme
  • rab - Or your syllables all out of time
  • Wol - Don't panic - just doodle
  • gil - Or suck on a noodle
  • penelope (full of derring-do) - Or large Gin with tonic and lime
  • rab - Hurrah!

    When pen's full of derring and do

  • Puckoon - s'funny, smells more like some poo. sorry Pen...
  • snorgle - No, in better light.. unfinished sentence alert
  • lodgq - the resemblance to shite
  • Bob the dog - Is this lim'rick. Now what shall we do?
    I once had a haddock called frank
  • Uncle Korky - That I'd use to give children a spank
  • lodge - The fish didn't mind
  • DrQu+xum - Hitting a behind Yes, the maroon windbreaker. Thankye.
  • Puckoon - cause he laughs all the way to the bank.
  • blamelewis - "Stop thief!" came the cry from the bank
  • Puckoon - said the man who was driving a tank
  • lodge - Quite why he should yell
  • Uncle Korky - well, no-one could tell
  • lodge - but I suppose we've New Labour to thank
  • Puckoon - Jonny Ball's a strange man on TV UK TV that is... I first remember him on Playschool.
  • Uncle Korky - He said "Think of a number!" to me I always enjoyed his programmes!
  • lodge - In refusing his game I wanted the car off choc-a-block
  • Breadmaster - I was only to blame Johnny Ball is a great man, and it is a tribute to him and to the dire state of contemporary children's TV that he would never make it today, on account of being over 12.
  • Kim - For the subsequent puddle of wee
  • penelope - It doesn't take a genius, you know
  • Breadmaster - to be able to write in the snow continuing the theme
  • Uncle Korky - but calligraphy
  • Puckoon - Whilst having a pee oblig, really.
  • Blob - May result in a word overflow
  • Breadmaster - That President Bush is so smart!
  • Raak - He gave Saddam Hussein quite a LART! LART = Luser Attitude Readjustment Tool, e.g. a sledgehammer.
  • Puckoon - but Saddam's disappeared,
  • rab - behind a big beard
  • penelope - And Osama Bin Laden's a tart lame, I know. *shrug*
    I'm so sorry, the news isn't good
  • rab - But we did everything that we could
  • Breadmaster - The defibrilator
  • Kim - was unable to cater
  • snorgle - For a heart that was made out of wood
  • Uncle Korky - A ride on the night bus to Romford
  • Kim - Is a journey devoid of all comford [Yeah? Yeah? Wanna make something of it?]
  • Lib - You part with your fare
  • Puckoon - travel as far as you dare
  • Chalky - Then leap off and dash home just like Tom would [well - that's what HE told me and I have no reason to doubt him]
  • linomatic -
  • rab - On moving to Nik's shiny server
  • lodge - We could scarcely contain our great fervour
  • Breadmaster - Our bookmarks are updated
  • Chalky - Download time truncated
  • DrQu+xum - We're finally off that Bluecurve-r.
  • DrQu+xum - D'oh! Forgot the bold!
  • snorgle - DrQu+xum is a forgetful chap
  • Breadmaster - That's why he suffered this mishap:
  • Darren - He left out a tag
  • lodge - But tags aren't my bag (qua pantsmc)
  • eldritch - He'll get it right next time, mayhap.
  • Gary Linemaker -
  • Kim - Ignore not the rules of scansion
  • Breadmaster - Whether trochees, iambs or dipthong
  • Lodge - When being quiet anal
  • Lodge - When being quite anal obviously, although quiet anal possibly deserves some examination as a concept
  • Darren - Complaints are morainal (OK, I used Rhymezone to find that one.)
  • Raak - So fill out your lines with aplomb.
  • Uncle Korky - A game of Celebrity Shares
  • Kim - Will attract the bulls and the bears
  • Chalky - The trading is brisk [a gift of a rhyming opportunity]
  • Boolbar - But better not risk
  • penelope - All your assets. (But frankly - who cares?)
  • Breadmaster - While walking to work in the rain
  • Darren - I danced as I felt quite insane
  • Kim - [Bifurcating]I felt like Gene Kelly/I jumped in a puddle
  • Uncle Korky - (as opposed to George Melly) / found a stranger to cuddle
  • Chalky - And sang out THAT well-known refrain / Then suggested acts base and profane [oo-er]
  • witchitalineman -
  • Darren - The day you install a new bath
  • Lib - Should be marked by drinking a swift half,
  • Uncle Korky - But - beer or bathwater?
  • Big Dave - Should I drink? Well I oughtta - weren't expecting that eh?
  • Darren - Before I go down the bath path
  • Big Dave - To make the best beef and veg. stew,
  • CdM - First kill your cow. Then take two
  • Raak - Bushels of sweet potatoes
  • Chalky - Fry them on a hotplate, close
  • Martha Farquar - The oven, wait, serve, spear and chew - I like the creative scansion going on here!
  • Lib - I once met a young plain-clothes nun
  • Martha Farquar - Disguised as Attila The Hun
  • adam - Yet I (to my shame)
  • Big Dave - Thought she was on the game
  • Breadmaster - Now Attila the Nun's on the run!
  • line of attack -
  • Uncle Korky - I got caught out today in the rain
  • Darren - With an outcome of very great pain
  • Kim - I was poked in the eye
  • Martha Farquar - And was told "Get me dry!"
  • Lodge - By the great and irate Michael Caine
  • Chalky - I wonder where porcupines sleep?
  • Darren - On cliffs? In a cave? In the deep?
  • penelope - Laying still and supine
  • Uncle Korky - (All their quills must align)
  • snorgle - Else the prickles will tickle their feet.
  • Darren - Be careful when you knock on doors
  • Kim - Especially in the Azores
  • snorgle - You just never know
  • Lodge - You'll find on the loo
  • penelope - P'raps Andrea or Jim from The Corrs... some well dodgy rhyming going on there!
    Do the light bulbs need changing in here?
  • Uncle Korky - Who'll do it? And what's their career?
  • Chalky - The task is quite tricky
  • Kim - The end might be sticky
  • Breadmaster - Let's just put it off till next year.
  • Uncle Korky - Awww... and I thought someone would pick up on my feed line re: How many (people of a particular walk of life) does it take to change a lightbulb?
  • WitchitaLineman -
  • Chalky - Uncle Korky is feeling let down [mea culpa]
  • rab - And Chalky a bit of a clown
  • Breadmaster - Our lim'ricks lack wit
  • Kim - Our rhyming is crap
  • rab - So it's good that our scansion is sound
  • Uncle Korky - Penance complete! Further self-flagellation not required! :-)
  • penelope - Take a deep breath, and let yourself go
  • rab - down to London on a very slow
  • Lib - train, that breaks down
  • Martha Farquar - In a Devonshire town
  • plump - Just south of Westward Ho
  • rab - Now, not wishing to come over all Westcountry on you... I believe Mr Ho is in Somerset, not Devon...
  • rab - Not that that need preclude somewhere lying just south of that. And in any case if moi geographee be nart in the roight koinda areahh, there's definartlee one ah them thassavam exclumashion markie jarbies afer 'Ho'. Oh God I wish I hadn't grown up in Carrrnwalll...
  • plump - Westward Ho! is indeed in North Devon. The main failing in the above the the absence of a railway line in the area Ho! Hum!
  • rab - Calamity! Apologies for the drunken outpourings. That'll learn me.
  • Chalky - Let's draw the line under that then :-)
  • Chalky - Geographical know-how is fine [but....]
  • Darren - But where would you all like to dine?
  • plump - I know a good spot
  • Uncle Korky - Where it won't cost a lot
  • rab - Though I hope you enjoy drinking brine
  • Breadmaster - I got lost on my way in to work
  • Raak - My boss will think I'm on the shirk
  • adam - But my caravanette
  • Darren - Is slippy and wet
  • Chalky - I went tits-up and felt a right berk
  • snorgle - That evening, I felt a right tit
  • rab - It was soft, warm and round, though a bit
  • Uncle Korky - droopy, although
  • Breadmaster - I would like to know
  • Darren - Which girl was the owner of it.
  • Chalky - Some men have remarkable breasts [hmmm . . must be open season on lewd sauciness - PantsMC is similarly obsessed. I blame Darren]
  • Darren - Which show when the geezers wear vests [I don't think I'm particularly lewd or saucy. Not compared to most other people, anyway. In what way should the lewdness and sauciness be curtailed? Any suggestions?]
  • Chalky - You're not. T'was a joke.
  • Uncle Korky - Such pendulous mounds [Nowt wrong with a touch of sauciness. It all depends on where the line that shouldn't be crossed lies, and that everyone is in agreement with it]
  • Big Dave - Should be hid, on the grounds
  • penelope - Of upsetting our VIP guests
  • Breadmaster - They say we're all getting obese
  • Darren - But really we're just wearing fleece
  • Martha Farquar - On our stag nights we leap
  • Puckoon - right into the heap...
  • Chalky - of roast lamb laced with oodles of grease.
  • rab - The heat is still on Tony Blair
  • Dazed5 - And his lying colleague Alistair
  • Breadmaster - Now that wasn't quite true
  • Uncle Korky - What they claimed they could do
  • Darren - But at least they both tried, for a dare.
  • Chalky - Forgive me - for asking you this . . .
  • plump - Can you hold this while I have a p*ss
  • Puckoon - it is nothing rude!
  • snorgle - although slightly chewed
  • Breadmaster - But beware, it's a mess when I miss.
  • The Linedancer -
  • Darren - Whenever you start a new day
  • Raak - Take a deep breath and yell, "Hip Hooray!"
  • snorgle - Then take off your pants
  • Chalky - Check your recent implants
  • Uncle Korky - And your morals will then go astray
  • Breadmaster - I lay myself down now to sleep
  • CdM - On this couch that I found going cheap
  • Uncle Korky - But the springs aren't quite right
  • Big Dave - I'll be up most the night
  • Darren - Installing the ones from my jeep
  • Big Dave - At lunchtimes, I eat quite a lot
  • Uncle Korky - from the buffet - both cold food and hot
  • penelope - My mid-afternoon snack
  • Chalky - Matches my brown anorak
  • Darren - Which I flash in, more often than not.
  • Uncle Korky - I noticed, whilst having a shower,
  • Big Dave - That I'd developed my own super power
  • CdM - "Eureka," I cried
  • Chalky - As I started to slide . . .oo-er
  • Darren - On the soap for at least half an hour
  • Kim - "She said she was nineteen, yer honour
  • Uncle Korky - If I'd known, I would not have lain on her
  • Darren - And bumped up and down (very highbrow!)
  • Raak - And spun round and round
  • penelope - It was later I knew t'was Madonna
  • Uncle Korky - It's a 'rollover' weekend again
  • snorgle - And so I shall be stripping for men
  • Darren - And then let them grope
  • penelope - In the misguided hope
  • CdM - *with a great effort of will, resists temptation to post line ending in "pen"*
  • Chalky - That their fumblings'll score ten out of ten. [CdM - am assuming that the above isn't line 5]
  • penelope - The outcome is certain, that's true [CdM] You're too kind :o)
  • Dujon - A bed made especially for two Ooer, missus
  • snorgle - With a whip and a rope I'm in a funny mood..;)
  • Chalky - Plus some carbolic soap [snorgle :-)]
  • Raak - And a drop of the best superglue.
  • Darren - If you wear a hat, you should know
  • snorgle - That it brings you nothing but woe
  • Big Dave - For when the wind blows
  • Raak - From your head off it throws
  • Kim - Thereby leaving your bald patch on show.
  • rab - Whilst driving a red Kia Pride
  • Darren - I found a dead body inside
  • Lib - It stank to high heaven
  • Chalky - So I drove down to Devon
  • Dujon - Where 'twas easier than Oxford to hide.
    I do hope that I am not overstepping the line
  • Big Dave - Oh no! I've done it again!
  • Uncle Korky - I've been caught 'below decks' with a WReN
  • rab - She gave her consent
  • Chalky - When our passion was spent
  • Darren - To reveal all I knew to the men.
  • Uncle Korky - In an effort to be more appealing
  • penelope - I have plastered myself to the ceiling
  • Raak - From this lofty abode
  • Kim - O'er the family Spode
  • Chalky - I would welcome a cup of darjeeling [very Lewis Carroll]
  • penelope - All above - muddy rarvellous!
    A mishap while I hoovered the floor
  • Raak - Caused the hoover to suck up the door
  • Darren - The windows and walls
  • Lodge - and even my smalls
  • rab - not to mention my Greenwing Macaw
  • snorgle - It's rainy and windy and wet well in Cardiff, anyway, and I'm going to damn well make you all suffer as well!
  • Uncle Korky - No respite from that curry, as yet Terrible thing, IBS...
  • Darren - I can still smell the sauce
  • Big Dave - 'Cos I'm farting in Morse sorry people - Uncle K's fault :-)
  • Dujon - So best dash, Dot, in case it should set
  • Rosie - They say that it's rude to stare
  • snorgle - But I really don't care
  • Darren - Also, I smell
  • Uncle Korky - Like the cesspits of Hell
  • Chalky - 'Cause I bathed in yak's milk for a dare [Darren - that's your second smelly third line!]
  • Breadmaster - I suffer from awful BO
  • Darren - You'll smell it wherever I go [That's my third!]
  • Chalky - My pox scabs are rotting [Darren - shame - I was feeding you a third line and we simulposted]
  • rab - And my groin is hotting [Hint: up]
  • Big Dave - up by the hour, it's gonna blow!! [rab - hint taken, v subtly done :-)]
  • rab - I cannot believe it's not butter
  • Uncle Korky - is not easy to say with a stutter
  • Software - So I'll spread it with jam
  • Lib - Or bake it with ham
  • Darren - Or beat it at golf with a putter.
  • Kim - I appear to be missing a ball
  • Big Dave - Said Adolph Hitler, to us all
  • Raak - I'll take one of Goering's
  • rab - Cute spherical nose-rings
  • Uncle Korky - And clip it to Eva Braun's shawl.
  • The Onedin Line -
  • penelope - I don't like the way that it sounds
  • Chalky - When love-making strays out of bounds
  • Martha Farquar - And I'm in the next room
  • rab - On top of a broom
  • Blob - But at least for divorce I have grounds
  • Raak - I'm a hundred and twenty today!
  • rab - And it's the National Day of Foreplay
  • Uncle Korky - So unless I drop dead
  • penelope - Oh dear - taking rudeness to faint new depths...*Don't I deserve head?*
  • Chalky - Before I waste slowly away [Don't be coy, pen - I'm sure we were all thinking the same :-)]
  • rab - Nothing wrong with a bit of bawdiness.
  • rab - That's not a limerick line, btw
  • penelope - Now bawdiness just ain't my style lies, lies and more lies ;o)
  • rab - We'll leave that to Chalky and Kayl
  • Breadmaster - They prefer, so it's said,
  • Darren - To say this instead:
  • blamelewis - "I love how you shunt as I strile" (Have I had Kayl's pronounciation wrong all this time - i took it to rhyme with shale...? No criticism intended, just curious!)
  • The Line, the Witch and the Wardrobe -
  • rab - [blamelewis] I was never too sure, myself, but decided that Kayl is the only MC player I could think of whose name might rhyme, so I used a bit of limeretic licence. And are you telling me your name isn't pronounced bla-melloo-iss?

    It's high time that I wrote a first line

  • Big Dave - You did a good job - that one's fine!
  • Darren - The next one is bad
  • snorgle - The fourth one is trad
  • Chalky - And this last? Just call it asinine!
  • Raak - Today I must trim all my warts
  • rab - So I can look good in my shorts
  • penelope - The one on my heel
  • snorgle - Is starting to feel
  • Darren - Like the ball from a basketball court.
  • Big Dave - I come back to England tonight Really! First lot of Fish n' Chips for 4 months! Can't wait!
  • Jens - Proving that I'm not that bright
  • Darren - What's more, I will wear
  • DrQu+xum - The pelt of a bear
  • Darren - And thus be a nightmarish sight Sorry to do 3rd and 5th, but this one had lain around for far too long
  • Chalky - just an observation - limericks that begin with an 'actual' first-person experience are always tricky to follow . . .
  • Chalky - Whenever the clock chimes, I wonder
  • Darren - Which cities I'll ravish and plunder
  • Martha Farquar - For at 12.59,
  • Lib - I think its the time,
  • penelope - To steal, pillage and wrent asunder
    It's a hundred degrees in the shade
  • rab - And commuters' tempers are frayed
  • Chalky - For instant relief
  • Thos - Penelope Keith
  • Martha Farquar - Is free, in the Penny arcade.
    When Valéry Giscard d'Estaing
  • CdM - Goes out to buy six petits pains
  • Darren - There's not enough argent
  • penelope - To feed him and his sergeant Pronunciation? What's that then?
  • Raak - Aujourdhui et demain au matin.
  • Thos - My legs have just melted away
  • DrQu+xum - With my third hit of acid today
  • Raak - A purple giraffe
  • penelope - Has invaded my gaff
  • Darren - Which I wasn't expecting 'til May
  • Kim - I've married my step-son's third cousin
  • Chalky - Tongues are wagging nineteen to the dozen
  • Raak - The consanguintee
  • Blob - (See the family tree)
  • Darren - Did not vote for Anders Fogh Rasmussen
  • Darren - (That's the prime minister of Denmark, as you know.)
  • Chalky - If Ricky had've lost that number . . . bbcR2 playing here
  • penelope - We'd be up to our ears in old lumber
  • Darren - But Ricky is just
  • Chalky - Earning a crust
    Aboard that knackered old boat on the Humber     . . . thought I'd administer a swift but humane killing. Ricky obviously didn't capture imaginations. Moving swiftly on . . .
  • rab - Emblazoned across the wall
  • Darren - Are the words, "This is nothing at all"
  • snorgle - "There is nothing to see"
  • Raak - "If you don't pay a fee"
  • penelope - But fork out and the sight will appall
  • snorgle - Nasturtiums are an edible bloom lovely in salads!
  • rab - Which are currently enjoying a boom
  • Thos - But pansies, they say
  • Breadmaster - Will make you turn gay This is one of those oblig ones, isn't it
  • Darren - And a tulip's a portent of doom.
  • Thos - A great metropolitan man
  • penelope - Alighted the train at East Ham
  • Darren - He walked several miles
  • Chalky - Towards Chalfont St Giles
  • penelope - And declared Mrs Trellis a sham
    I'm not taking prisoners today
  • Saskia - I will eat all who get in my way
  • Thos - "Any chance of a fork?"
  • rab - I asked of a dork
  • Lib - Then I tucked into him straight-away!
  • ch444 - When exposing a snake in the grass
  • Darren - Be careful you act with some class
  • penelope - Otherwise, keep it schtum
  • Raak - By inserting your thumb
  • plump - And heading it off at the pass
  • Chalky - It's painful to make the admission
  • Darren - That your power is from nuclear fission
  • Raak - But it's safer than coal
  • plump - But on the whole
  • Uncle Korky - just leave it to your electrician
  • penelope - Garden sparrows, wrens, finches and tits
  • Raak - Can all be assembled from kits
  • snorgle - Using small bits of wire
  • Big Dave - And an old rubber tyre
  • Darren - And a car engine, taken to bits.
  • CdM - The beauty of avian construction
  • Raak - Is the match of its form to its function
  • Big Dave - You must get this right
  • penelope - For the things to take flight
  • Uncle Korky - Lest they plummet on down to destruction.
  • PaulWay - The terrible thing about crows
  • Uncle Korky - Is that I've got three stuck up my nose
  • Darren - They peck at my eyes
  • rab - Unbutton my flies
  • blamelewis - and crap all over my toes
  • Breadmaster - My budgie looks terribly strange
  • Darren - I think it's got some sort of mange
  • snorgle - It's purple and green
  • Ryan - It's lost all its sheen
  • Uncle Korky - And it's singing "Oh, Home on the Range"
  • Chalky - To make sense of the birds and the bees
  • Wol - one must crawl on one's hands and one's knees
  • Darren - And look for a clue
  • rab - About what to do
  • gil - Re. the mating behaviour of fleas
  • Kim - In Ottawa, during the blackout, (Just got back)
  • blamelewis - I got my adventuring pack out [UK] Love the last line of the budgie one.
  • Raak - My Leatherman tool
  • snorgle - My good old slide rule
  • Software - And a Packet of three (just about) My good old slide rule
  • Wichita Lineman -
  • Chalky - It was just as the night turned to dawn
  • Big Dave - When I decided to blow on my horn
  • Raak - I woke up the neighbours
  • penelope - By tossing them cabers
  • Thos - I sell it as DIY porn
  • snorgle - A spider just ran up my leg just to creep certain people out..:)
  • penelope - And left, in my knickers, an egg (there are certain recurring themes here...)
  • Chalky - For warm incubating . . . assuming the knickers are warm
  • Darren - And the chance of creating
  • Software - Thousands of spiders - oh smeg!
  • Raak -
    A wasp laid its eggs in my foot
  • blamelewis - Then stung me, the ungrateful brute What is this? David Cronenberg Limerick hour? yeuugh...
  • Raak - [blamelewis] I'll spare you "There are maggots infesting my brain" then.
  • Darren - Its progeny hatched - Does Software not know about the magic of the >b< tag?
  • Darren - >b< even.
  • Darren - I give up.
  • Chalky - and were swiftly despatched . . . having problems Darren? hehehe.
  • Big Dave - By a blow to the head from my boot - How about the magic <b> tag, Darren? - I find it works better :)
  • Martha Farquar - With killer bugs eating my face,
  • Raak - I sprayed myself well with some Mace
  • Boolbar - Then to cut out the pain
  • CdM - I cut out my brain
  • Chalky - And replaced it with Chantilly lace . . . like you do :-)
  • Kim - Thus spake Zarathrustra (to me):
  • Martha Farquar - "It's lovely to be a Parsee"
  • Breadmaster - For when you are dead
  • Chalky - You get breakfast in bed
  • Uncle Korky - and in mid-afternoon, you get tea.
  • Breadmaster - "Ecce homo!" he cried to the crowd
  • Thos - "How dare you?" I replied aloud
  • Darren - He said, "Ooh get her!"
  • Big Dave - Then his fists were a blur
  • Chalky - Thus to prove his manhood and stand proud.
  • Uncle Korky - With a deafening cry of "Eureka!"
  • Breadmaster - Duncan Smith took a swing at the Speaker.
  • Kim - He took up the Mace
  • Chalky - Wiped the egg off his face
  • Darren - And became the Commons' first streaker.
  • penelope - I've run up a slate at the bar
  • Rosie - As a Silk this is just about par.
  • Martha Farquar - Then I ran down a bike,
  • Uncle Korky - Ran into a dyke,
  • penelope - Which won't take my career very far slack... but a mercy killing.
  • snorgle - The rich make their to Cancun
  • Uncle Korky - way?
  • snorgle - Gah! YES! let's try again..
    The rich make their way to Cancun
  • Martha Farquar - The poor remain stuck in Rangoon
  • Rosie - And that's where they'll stay
  • Darren - 'Til they make their way
  • Wol - to their graves, with their rice bowl and spoon.
  • Projoy - There's nothing like bright merry laughter
  • Raak - For post-coital gloom the day after
  • Martha Farquar - So tickle me pink
  • Chalky - With a blinky wink wink
  • Uncle Korky - On the other hand - just go and shaft 'er. - COAT!!!
  • Kim - Oh, dear! I appear to be dead.
  • penelope - I wish I was living instead.
  • snorgle - I should not have jumped
  • Raak - Can I claim I was bumped?
  • Darren - Or I sleepwalked off of Beachy Head?
  • Breadmaster - Your Honour, the verdict is clear.
  • Lib - And I tell you, without any fear
  • Chalky - The defendant's a duck
  • Dazed5 - At him throw the book
  • Wol - - he's guilty of rhymes worse than Lear. phew!
  • Uncle Korky - The trouble with Britain today
  • Raak - Is the Gummint won't do things my way
  • penelope - If I were dictator
  • Big Dave - I'd sort out this state, or
  • snorgle - sulk, pout and call you all "Gay"!
  • Tuj - The head of Alfredo Garcia
  • Uncle Korky - Is, sadly, now missing an ear
  • Lib - It got pulled right off
  • snorgle - By a dodgy old toff
  • Puckoon - Who'd had far to many crates of Beer
  • Projoy - Announcing my can-di-da-cy,
  • Darren - I'd like to become an MP
  • Big Dave - I've reached the right weight
  • Chalky - Appeared on 'Blind Date'
  • snorgle - And now, Captain Peacock, I'm free-eee
  • Projoy - Alighting the train in Pristina
  • rab - I met a cute girl called Christina
  • Uncle Korky - She was going my way
  • Kim - (and we did have all day)
  • blamelewis - But all she would drink was Ribena
  • Martha Farquar - The best way to piss off a rhino
  • Darren - Is to tweak him and call him a wino
  • snorgle - Then pull down your pants
  • Breadmaster - Do the St Vitus dance
  • Big Dave - Mind the horn, though 'cos it can be final! (employing "Cockney Cheeky Chappy" convention)
  • Kim - While out in the bush, hunting dik-dik,
  • Raak - I ran from a snake, very quik-quik
  • Chalky - However, the beetle
  • DeeJay - Though not eating meat'll
  • One-eyed Big Dave - Still make a bloke feel quite sick-sick.
  • mad auld snorgle - Let's all go and moon David Blaineyarr..
  • Cap'n Korky - Yes! We could meet up on the train! Arrr!!
  • One-eyed Big Dave - We'll stand in a line Avast! what a sight we be! Yarrr!
  • Chalky the cabinboy - And drink buckets of Wine
  • Darrenbeard - And drop all our pants in the rain
  • Mister Kim - [Sorry to hog two lines, but I have to know...]
    Will somebody kindly explain
    The point of this tit, David Blaine
  • * - Is it just show biz
  • CdM - Does anyone know? Is
  • Darren - It worth bringing him up again?
  • blamelewis - If you swallowed him bring him up quick!
  • penelope - He'll be right if you make yourself sick!
  • Darren - Your face went quite red
  • Tuj - At the mention of Fred
  • Big Dave - Have you eaten him too, you great prick? - I'll be needing that coat after all.
  • Martha Farquar - Well, now that I've broken my wrist - and will be in agonising pain for the next 4-6 weeks thanks to some idjit learner driver...
  • penelope - You'll be spared the caress of my fist[MF] Commiserations. Sue!
  • Darren - And the way that I pass
  • Wol - my hand over your ass sorrysorrysorry - I don't know what's come over my this morning ...
  • Blob - To fondle your sebaceous cyst - yughk ! [pen] Don't call Martha, Sue, he doesn't like it.
  • penelope - I hate that I've become a mute I've still got no voice!
  • Darren - But still I am sexy and cute
  • Uncle Korky - The sight of my curves
  • Raak - And my shimmying swerves
  • Breadmaster - Is sweeter than the sound of a lute.
  • penelope - [D, UK, R & Bm] dead right too :o)
  • Gary Linemaker -
  • Kim - Discovered "in flagrant delight",
  • Darren - I am on display every night
  • Chalky - Flagrante delicto
  • Raak - With my fragrant big toe
  • Wol - Who says such a thing can't be right?
  • penelope - I've recorded my thoughts onto tape
  • Big Dave - on the music from "The Great Escape"
  • Darren - This suicide note
  • LotUS - I leave in your coat
  • Uncle Korky - as you seem to have mislaid your cape
  • Ocean Liner -
  • Breadmaster - Come workers, and throw off your chains!
  • snorgle - Let's go, and destroy all the trains!
  • Chalky - Our bold insurrection
  • Uncle Korky - Means we'll miss our connection
  • penelope - And we we'll wait for three hours at Staines
  • Darren - When you find yourself gasping for air
  • snorgle - And no-one around seems to care
  • Dujon - Take a deep mental breath
  • plump - be prepared for your death
  • penelope - And kiss farewell to your derriere oblig.
  • Kim - Let's all go out with a bang
  • Darren - And a zoom and a whizz and a clang
  • Angus Prune - For with any luck
  • Raak - We'll hit more than a duck
  • Projoy - And the rest of the world can go hang!
  • Tuj - It was twenty years ago today
  • Dazed5 - Sgt.Pepper thought Lennon was gay
  • Darren - So he tried a test
  • JLE - And then pulled off his vest
  • Software - And found Yoko Ono in play!
  • Gary Linemaker -
  • Kim - I'd like to be under the sea
  • Chalky - And take part in the Whale's Jamboree
  • Darren - The octopus can
  • Rosie - make mincemeat of man
  • Big Dave - With tentacles one, two and three
    But tentacles four, five and six to continue a second verse...
  • Uncle Korky - are for en-tire-ly separate tricks
  • Projoy - Pick a card, any card...
  • Chalky - ... study it, long and hard
  • Darren - And the tentacles will beat you with sticks.
  • Kim - Now, tentacles seven and eight (Oblig.)
  • Chalky - (the subjects of fiercesome debate)
  • Rosie - Are they just spares? (Chalky) Fearsome? Fierce? :-)
  • Dujon - Used only on stairs?
  • Software - or just put on show in the Tate? -like dead sheep...
  • DrQu+xum -
    But all the tentacles have suckers The grand finale! :)
  • Raak - When aroused, every one of them puckers
  • Rosie - into shape most beguiling
  • Software - The creature is smiling
  • Chalky - No wonder! It's caused a great ruckus. [Rosie - re. above] yeah - one of my invented words.
  • Rosie - While making a nice good thick gravy Without lumps, I'll have you know.
  • Dujon - An art which I learned in the navy
  • Software - I dropped in the pot
  • rab - A crusty old Scot
  • Wol - - when he came out, his curlies were wavy. There is no alternative ...
  • Software - We were sad when Pants went away Yes, we were :-(
  • Darren - It was oh such a very sad day
  • penelope - For both players and vicars Hmm... anyone in a real 'Friday afternoon' frame of mind care to follow on...?
  • Chalky - Are bereft of their knickers ... wondering if there was a ruder word I could have used . .
  • plump - As they squat in the cats litter tray
  • Darren - If you catch a whiff of ammonia,
  • Raak - You should travel at once to Livonia
  • Kim - Eùmist kõrd mierdõ (Carpe Diem invoked)
  • Rosie - You've pissed up me 'airdo Er . . .Will this do?
  • Chalky - And now I've got double pneumonia ... best I could do - given the bizarre switch to 'first person'.
  • penelope - I don't mind the getting up early
  • Breadmaster - When the dawn is tendrilled and pearly
  • Darren - But what I can't stand
  • snorgle - Is the touch of your hand
  • plump - That's caressing my Curly Wurly
  • Tuj - I once was attacked by a squirrel
  • snorgle - Whilst using an epidural only 2 rhymes left, unless someone uses their imagination..
  • Darren - Which I had received
  • Rosie - in my dire hour of need (snorgle) Where's Birkenhead?
  • Uncle Korky - from a backstreet old quack, name of CyrilScouse avoidance invoked
  • Chalky - To make a relationship work
  • Software - IDS must convince us he's sane - uphill struggle in Blackpool
  • Software - Bugger, simulpost, Hi Chalks, BTW
  • Software - One must not act up like a jerk - going with Chalks, on this one.
  • Starting again - Hi Softers. -
  • Chalky - To make a relationship work
  • Software - One must not act up as a jerk
  • Darren - By groping those bits
  • Bigsmith - That the hand nicely fits
  • Rosie - you'll drive any female berserk. (Uncle K) Birkenhead - Wirral, squirrel. :-)
  • Darren - A microwave oven will cook
  • snorgle - An elk, a badger, or rook
  • Chalky - But if you try bison .. oh dear - more animal cruelty. See Orange - NB. not for the squeamish
  • Software - or even Mike Tyson
  • Projoy - It could get quite ugly - don't look!
    The loveliest boy in the school
  • snorgle - Is usually gay, as a rule Squirrel and Wirral don't rhyme to me!
  • Chalky - You can tell by his satchel
  • rab - He hangs out with Tatchell (thanks for the feed, Chalky)
  • Software - He's as gay as a damsel Oh, dear, Chalks, another duff rhyming word
  • Software - Bugger simulpost
  • Software - At Eton, being camp is thought cool might as well get this over with.
  • Chalky - Never mind, Softers. Rest assured, I would never post anything that didn't have a rhyme - but in this case, there was really only the one which rab picked up. Now for linesperson duty ...
  • Tuj - When simulposted, I just stare
  • penelope - At a line which ain't meant to be there
  • Breadmaster - My brilliance is wasted!
  • Darren - My genius untasted!
  • Chalky - And my fine words are all rendered spare.
  • Rosie - While studying a map of Belgrade
  • Chalky - On my yacht (for I'm rather well paid)
  • LotUS - There's a gaping big hole
  • Software - the size of a goal
  • Wol - at the place where explosives are made.
  • Darren - There once was a house on a hill
  • Software - Just Checked, it's up there still
  • Chalky - Oh dear. It's turned Tartan
  • Projoy - And I'd so set my heart on (unfinished sentence alert)
  • Dujon - Grey pinstripes made out of fine twill. ... It seemed lonely sitting here for days without a finale.
  • Chalky - Well there I was, wondering if anyone would bother finishing it off and up you pop ... with, if I may say, a very elegant last line. Bravo.
  • LotUS - I went to the tailor's this morning
  • Uncle Korky - (Quite early - just as the day's dawning)
  • Software - "Which way do you dress?" [well done, Duj]
  • Kim - , he enquired. In distress,
  • Big Dave - "With just simply the suit I was born in."
  • Chalky - It's high time you told me the truth
  • Uncle Korky - without being rude and uncouth
  • Software - "well, its like this"
  • Darren - "I want you to kiss"
  • Tuj - And to what she said next I said "STREWTH!"
  • Kim - My sins now I wish to confess
  • snorgle - I admit I like wearing a dress
  • Projoy - But so what? I'm a girl
  • Rosie - not some poncy old earl (Projoy) Are you, in fact? I'm not, BTW.
  • Dujon - Though I've often been called 'My Princess'
  • Ditto - Durn it, forgot the bold!
  • Software - All conferrences over, thank God
  • plump - With IDS left on his todd
  • Big Dave - His politics should be dangling sentence alert
  • Uncle Korky - cast into the sea
  • Rosie - and consumed by ravenous cod.
  • Rosie - Forgot the underline. Here goes.
  • Thos - [Rosie] Is that Newcastle Underline?

    The secret to being a man

  • Chalky - Was mislaid in the back of a van
  • Software - it's hormones, you see The last time I was mislaid in the back of a van.........;-)
  • Darren - Causing trouble for me
  • Rosie - and the poor sod who has no idea how to make this last line scan. (Thos) No, actually it was Ashton Underline. Sorry!
  • Rosie - Bugger! Done it again.
  • Dujon - Summer comes with the much warmer weather
  • Projoy - And the crack of bare willow on leather.
  • Darren - By "leather," I mean
  • Rosie - my pants, Josephine
  • penelope - When I'm fastened to you by a tether
  • Tuj - Rosie/pen - oh-ho! It looked so innocuous until it got that far!
    The trouble with wasting one's time
  • Darren - Over looking around for a rhyme
  • Kim - Is that some are so tricky
  • snorgle - That you can't be too picky
  • Rosie - and ridiculous displaces sublime. Alas!
  • Rosie - I seem to be finishing an awful lot of these, maybe because I go to bed rather late and don't really do mornings. The joys of retirement! It's not one o'clock yet so maybe some night owl can start one.
  • Dujon - My undies have turned pink and blue......It's been a bit like that, Rosie, I too have left a few for others of late. I suspect it's just 'one of those things'.
  • Darren - And I owe the whole thing to you
  • Breadmaster - Colours don't mix with whites [Rosie] I'm going to be working nights come next month, so I anticipate doing some entire limericks myself...
  • Darren - And I'm working nights (sorry to hog two lines but frankly BM's line was too good to pass up)
  • Uncle Korky - But in darkness, you can't see the hue.
  • Kim - [Rosie: I seem to find myself doing a lot of first lines. Perhaps its all in the timing. Should we set up a kind of limerick tag-team?]
    It's Monday again. What a pain!
  • Chalky - Let's get naked and dance in the rain!
  • Raak - But there's work to be done!
  • snorgle - And that man's got a gun!
  • Breadmaster - Still, better than being David Blaine.
  • Witchita Lineman -
  • Chalky - There's a rumour down St. Austell way
  • snorgle - That the vicar's an awfully good lay
  • Software - The rev's a woman, you see
  • Huxley - So let's, after tea
  • Wol - Get down on our knees and then prey. yes, I can spell ...
  • Raak - As God said to me yesterday
  • penelope - 'It's a shame that mans' feet are of clay,'
  • Darren - "But women's are wood"
  • Software - "which isn't much good"leaving an opening for a grand finale....
  • Huxley - When rolling around in the hay.... that was pantsy wasnt it?... onwards and downwards...
  • Breadmaster - The voices I hear in my head
  • Darren - Say, "Kill them all, make them all dead!"
  • Big Dave - So keep out of my way
  • Projoy - If you're planning to stay
  • Blue Bananas - Alive, and not copiously bled.
  • blamelewis -
    Beware! There's a beast on the loose
  • snorgle - It's already beheaded a moose
  • Darren - It's got massive claws
  • Blue Bananas - And three sets of jaws
  • Chalky - All SNARLY like big men called Bruce.
    apologies to any non-snarling mild-mannered Bruces out there
  • Mister, you're outta line! -
  • Bruce - I wish to object very strongly
  • Huxley - For being treated so wrongly (I know, I know!)
  • Projoy - You cad, oh, you fiend
  • Rosie - I feel so demeaned
  • Darren - And you have made my face grow long-ly
  • Longfaced Bruce - And now I shall sue you for slander! [invoking more fiendish rhymes]
  • Wol - For you called me 'a cad and a bahnder'
  • Projoy - But wives make good secs topicality invoked
  • Chalky - And they come with free specs [doubling entendre]
  • Darren - And they all call their husbands, "Commander" That was a bizarre swerve, Projoy!
  • Chalky - Darren - didn't you realise that IDS's given name is Longfaced Bruce?
  • Darren - Evidently not.
  • Big Dave - There's a lot of <HR> tags above!
  • Chalky - Yeah. 'Fess up.
  • snorgle - But still, it is you that I love!
  • snorgle - ahem..
    There's a lot of HR tags above!
    But still, it is you that I love!
  • Raak - May I be so <bold>
  • Raak - Ahem...
    May I be so <bold%gt;
  • Darren - You're simply too old (I thought I'd get a few in the bank back there.)
  • Projoy - And you're ugly, when push comes to shove. [Darren] Well, I was recalling that IDS had threatened to sue anyone who impugned his character over the matter of his sec's life.
  • Projoy -
    I'd risk all the world for your smile
  • Darren - As you smile in a very strange style
  • Chalky - Your teeth are perfection
  • penelope - Despite the infection
  • Software - which makes your gums shrink back a mile
  • Projoy - Your feet are the colour of sin
  • Chalky - So let's just pop them back in the bin
  • Darren - Your hands, I shall chop
  • penelope - To sell in my shop
  • Tuj - With a pie with your entrails in
  • Linesman in a football game, ending 6-1 to the home team -
  • Tuj - That last name made the homepage all wide and ugly. This is not the start of a limerick.
  • Chalky - This is:
    The homepage is ugly and wide
  • snorgle - And all rotten and stinky inside
  • Darren - We have rab to thank
  • distinctly sideways - for the stink that it stank
  • codfish - - He caused it, though much he denied!
  • Elephants like Maltesers - A magician, on doing a stunt,
  • Elephants like Maltesers - That was *meant* to start a new limerick
  • Zooological Keeper - Made sure that his knives were all blunt
  • Rosie - His assistant insisted
  • Fandango - That on throwing, they twisted
  • Cactus Prong - And kept well away from her front! (see how clean and restrained I managed to be)
  • The 20-yard line -
  • Dujon - It is said there's naught like a full moon
  • Huxley - To encourage a lowly buffoon
  • Software - to pull down his pants
  • Raak - And bathe in red ants
  • Cactus Prong - Till his buttocks are like a balloon.
  • line-up -
  • Huxley - I heard it once said in jest:
  • Kim - That Carlsberg is "prob'ly" the best
  • Projoy - But Heineken reaches
  • Uncle Korky - the parts that one teaches
  • Darren - To stick their hands up ladies' vests.
  • Blue Bananas - When dancing at the P'liceman's Ball
  • Projoy - I said, "No, dear sir, not at all!"
  • Darren - "I will not grab hold"
  • LotUS - "Do you think me so bold"
  • Dujon - "As 'pride' comes just 'fore a 'fall'"
  • Software - A Chinese has been up into space
  • Chalky - Wins the 'Great British Takeaway' race
  • Breadmaster - Now the Yanks are all jealous
  • Rosie - and that seems to tell us
  • Darren - Competition's the thing they can't face.
  • Huxley - A Yank and a Chink in a bar
  • Projoy - One in armour, and one on guitar
  • Software - The Chink went clink
  • Breadmaster - The Yank tried to think
  • Wol - But for a Yank, that just goes too far. Yup, I love our cousins across the pond. But they are Canadian ...
  • Chalky - Gay bishops will guide us henceforth
  • Dujon - (They're the one's who don't know south from the north)
  • Huxley - They'll be quick to preach...
  • Darren - And then they will reach (dot dot dot)
  • Software - Shirtlifters the way of the cloth Pronounced clorth by all Dick Emery style vicars, as you will recall.
  • Software - err ... substitute the for with :o)
  • Chalky - blimey - well done Software. I realised after I'd posted that first line - there are only two true rhymes.
  • Projoy - Intelligent bio-design
  • snorgle - is awfully fiendish to rhyme
  • rab - But nevertheless
  • Darren - I'll try to impress
  • Kim - By invoking the presence divine.
  • penelope - [P, s, r, D & K] - satisfyingly concise and to the point!
    If I end all parental controls
  • Tuj - Will my offspring turn out to be trolls?
  • Darren - Or will they just lurk?
  • Software - and never get work
  • Rosie - , indulgence being one of their goals.
  • CdM - If I could go backwards in time
  • Projoy - All the things that I'd do
  • Darren - I'd teach you a new way to rhyme (Since Projoy has varied from the Limerick form, let's just see where this goes. I've started what seems to be an ABAB pattern.)
  • Breadmaster - And I'd keep winning the Lottery, too I memorise the numbers every week on the offchance that I will fall into a wormhole and go back to last month...
  • Projoy - [Darren] I was actually shooting for a reverse limerick there (i.e. mine was line 4) but no matter...
    The perfect acausal-type crime (unfinished sentence alert)
  • Software - All the bits seem to be there, so shall we move on?>< hr>
  • I liner -
  • Software - On Sundays, I just like to laze
  • CdM - On Saturdays, shirk... since the last reverse failed, let's try again
  • Tuj - 'Til Friday I work
  • penelope - The week passes by in a haze
  • Chalky - On Mondays my head's in a daze ... that gets the job done
  • Chalky - How about a word reversal one now ...
    reverse to has just one sometimes
  • Tina - perverse so be often can rhymes
  • SUtoL - kilter off up end you
  • Darren - filter a need words do?
  • Kim - .....verse of form this 'gainst many are crimes
  • Kim - Again! Again!
  • LotUS - then okay ...
    low brought often is scansion the where...
  • Chalky - show to eager who're experts are there ... Double enders, eh? Excellent.
  • Kim - are they clever how
  • Darren - far too goes it now
  • Tina - foe formidable a metre's rare
  • I-Liner -
  • Mik (as MdC) - Time in backwards go could I if
  • Chalky [as Chalky] - ,thyme and parsley and rosem'ry sniff,
  • Darren - past the of think I
  • CdM - vast was garden My
  • plump - crime a are looks youthful Richards Cliff
  • Tina - There's hardly a day that goes by
  • Darren - When you see people screaming out, "Why?"
  • Dujon - Are they stupid, or mad .... [Chalky] you missed 'sage' above - sorry, I rather like S&G.
  • Projoy - When they talk of Baghdad?
  • Martha Farquar - No, they once met Uday and Qusay.
  • plump - Whilst hunting around for some sage
  • Martha Farquar - I met a bacteriophage
  • tina - He had a big microscope
  • Dujon - Which used a rare isotope ... Obviously not a scanning device
  • Darren - In a sensor wired up to a gauge
  • Chalky - [Tina] If you want to highlight your entries, there are some helpful tips in the 'Banter Game' - about 4 or 5 pages back :-)
    Biology's all very well
  • Tina - For people with no sense of smell-Thanks Chalky
  • Martha Farquar - But ammonia gas
  • penelope - Will empty the class oh, those northern vowels of mine...
  • Raak - Long enough to be saved by the bell.
  • Breadmaster - By 'eck, lad, it's grim in the North
  • Martha Farquar - Och, cruvvens! Ye've no' seen the Forth!
  • Huxley - So, oi'll stick to moi coider
  • Chalky - (moi cumfert provoider)
  • Uncle Korky - In the Snug of "The Bear", Perranporth
  • Rosie - It's quaite naice dyne h-yah in Surreh (sic)
  • Chalky - We even eat foodstuffs laik curreh (sick)
  • Kim - In our hiyses of staine
  • Wol - orf porcelaine of baine
  • Martha Farquar - Which the servants prepare, so whay worreh?
  • Tuj - They say that to lead a long life
  • Chalky - You must eat your peas with a knife
  • CdM - Simulposted .... It is wise not to move to East Fife (in a desperate attempt to avoid yet another life/knife/wife limerick) ... I was just too late, it seems :-)
  • Chalky - better luck next time CdM - remember not everyone here posts in 'Orange'.
  • Raak - If you used a long spoon
  • Darren - You'd finish too soon.
  • CdM - [Chalky] True. However, a troll through the archives on the three main servers finds eight life/wife/knife limericks, and a further twelve where life is rhymed with either wife or knife. (There are several that involve pea-eating among them. :-) ) And that is without the !York or Pants archives. I think that "life" should be classified with "month", "silver" and "orange" in the officially-frowned-upon file. But maybe that is just me.
    And that will be the day that you die-F
    -or they sing "Bye, American Pie
  • CdM - [Chalky (and Tuj)] Re-reading, that comes across as kind of critical, which was not my intention; my apologies for that. It was meant more as a tongue-in-cheek observation about what happens when you have been hanging around these servers for too long.
  • Dujon - It's the best in the south you can buy ... This is becoming somewhat surreal.
  • LotUS - If banoffee or lime
  • Chalky - Seem less than sublime [CdM] quite so :-)
  • Software - wash it down with plenty of rye.
  • Line-drawl -
  • Chalky - They say there's a whorehouse in Texas
  • Fat German - Where girls bounce on you solar plexus
  • Martha Farquar - So your breath comes in fits
  • Rosie - You burst all your zits
  • Tuj - BUT! It's all lies - made up by some lechers.
  • Kim - I once heard a lecher remark:
  • Martha Farquar - "Hello there, my name's Alan Clark"
  • Tina - I once was a Tory
  • Lodge - But that's a long story
  • Rupert - If you'd like, we can f*ck in the park
  • Rosie - While pruning a bush in the garden Butchering, more like.
  • Dujon - I found myself caught with a hard 'ern ... Lowering the tone, unless some horticulturist might rescue it.
  • Angus Prune - I got out my clippers
  • Ken Tishman - In front of the nippers
  • Wol - - They didn't get even a 'pardon!'
  • Tuj - I once took a trip to Estonia
  • Rosie - Where brass bands have several euphonia.
  • Projoy - I joined with a band
  • Tina - And got a big hand
  • Angus Prune - Where not even doctors will go near
  • Angus Prune - (emphasis on go and it works. Apologies for not knowing how to underline!)
  • Darren -
    [Angus] use <hr>
    If you were to purchase a present
  • Chalky - For me - how remarkably pleasant!
  • Angus Prune - I'd rip off the wrapping
  • Rosie - My wife would be flapping (Angus P) Try less-than hr greater-than.
  • Software - "Slippers! You bloody peasant!"
  • Martha Farquar - While mixing cement in the bath [Angus] Actually, underlining is <u>like this</u>
  • Chalky - I incurred mum's consid'rable wrath
  • Rosie - She said "It'll set.... (Run-on)
  • penelope - In your creases, I'll bet!"
  • Software - "so we'll just roll you out on the path!"
  • Tuj - Using only Weetabix and mice
  • Kim - (And ignoring my father's advice)
  • Chalky - My latest invention
  • Tina - got my mother's attention
  • Martha Farquar - By bringing her breakfast up (twice)
    Since Darren can't access this site,     - heh heh...
  • Tina - I can say whatever I want out of spite.
  • Rosie - He'll return full of ire
  • Dujon - With his friend of the 'spire'......Sorry, Chalky
  • rab - And us with pestilence blight
  • Chalky - hmmm ... apology accepted.
  • Kim - That Darren's a marvellous chap
  • snorgle - When he purrs and curls up in your lap
  • Chalky - But if you arouse his
  • penelope - Feline-fur trousis gimme a C!, gimme an O!, gimme an A!, gimme a T!
  • Darren - He'll join in with meaningless pap.
  • Tina - I love to peel a banana
  • Darren - And wrap the peel round a sultana
  • Riff - When boiled in wine,
  • Bob the dog - And Seasoned with Thyme, Riff - use < b >tags< /b > to make your message bolder.
  • Software - tastes great while grooving Santana
  • Raak - An indigent bookbinder's clerk
  • Lib - Rode a broomstick to get into work
  • Tina - . He saved money on petrol
  • Darren - But got his pants wet-rol
  • Big Dave - -ler skating in rain, what a berk. oh dear...
  • Rosie - "Trick or treat" say the kids at my door (Darren, Big Dave) Real class!
  • Software - so I sit tight and them I ignore
  • Angus Prune - They pelt me with eggs
  • penelope - Shall I break their legs?
  • Chalky - Then trick them to treats off the floor. .. heh heh
  • Darren - A good thing to say to a ghost
  • Chalky - might be: "Hi - can you please pass the toast?"
  • Riff - A breakfasttime spectre
  • Tina - is a good dust collector
  • Rosie - But reality comes with the post.
  • Dujon - There is a huge flare on its way
  • Dujon - Perhaps I could try that again?
    There is a huge flare on its way
  • Uncle Korky - Well, the Sixties are back, so they say
  • Software - it won't be so bright
  • penelope - If my trousers aren't right
  • Kim - Floral hipsters are just so passé!
  • Align -
  • Chalky - I've just heard that Jon Snow's in the dock
  • Tina - for failing to adhere to the clock
  • Rosie - like a well-dispatched fly
  • Software - kept zipped, bye and bye
  • Tina - just listening to the tickity tock.
  • one swing of a pendulum -
  • Riff - The problem with video games
  • KH - Is they've got such ridiculous names
  • Angus Prune - The Sims and the Lemmings
  • Tina - There's even Ian Flemming's
  • Darren - "Bond's Name Is No Longer James"
  • Tina - The trouble with very long bridges
  • Dujon - Is they have lots of rust in long ridges
  • Rosie - That's the problem with steel
  • Darren - Provided it's real
  • KH - It attracts lots of magnetic midges
  • KH - It'll soon be the Fifth of November
  • Dujon - With fireworks and parkin, remember?
  • Riff - The Gunpowder Plot
  • Software - Bonfires, hot
  • snorgle - And annoying small brats, to dismember I'm not old and bitter, me..
  • Darren - The sixth of November will bring
  • Big Dave - The first signs of Global Warming
  • Riff - Unseas'nable weather
  • Software - Cuckoos in't heather
  • CdM - And tides in the main street of Tring
    just for Blob's benefit
  • Angus Prune - The thing with the liner Aurora
  • Tuj - Is it keeps getting smaller and smaller dodgy, but...
  • Tina - 'Til it's just a mere speck.
  • Software - but the people on deck
  • snorgle - 's arses are still getting sorer
  • Chalky - In Paris, one might say it's chic
  • penelope - To be battre avec le 'ugly stick'
  • KH - In the Rue de Montmartre
  • Kim - You can see Jean-Paul Sartre
  • Huxley - Searching the ground for du fric
  • st dogmael - There was a young man from Nantucket
  • Software - Who lived all his life in a bucket
  • KH - To the end of his days
  • Huxley - his oddly strange ways
  • Tina - were why passersby always struck it.
  • Riff -
    When invited to dine with the Queen,
  • Angus Prune - Prince Phillip created a scene
  • Zooological Keeper - He swore and he cussed
  • penelope - But Her Maj was non-plussed
  • Rosie - by the way his nose glowed tangerine.
  • Drawing to a close -
  • barbacoa - On a bath day, when losing the soap,
  • Dujon - Is the best time for having a grope
  • Zooological Keeper - For an innocent fumble
  • Riff - Is no cause to grumble
  • KH - Just make sure the soap's on a rope!
  • KH - Guy Fawkes was a wonderful chap
  • snorgle - He's been given a terrible rap
  • Breadmaster - He just wanted to say
  • penelope - 'Being Catholic's okay'
  • Projoy - 'Boom boom, folks, now please mind the gap'
    Tchaikovski found fortune and fame
  • rab - By playing a tedious game
  • Chalky - He used to subscribe [Projoy] Last line above - awesome!
  • Angus Prune - To a Balinese tribe
  • Lodge - Who never could quite spell his last name
  • barbacoa - In the middle of singing a tune
  • Angus Prune - That Ruby Wax caused me to swoon
  • Zooological Keeper - For her grasp of tonality
  • Angus Prune - and vocal neutrality
  • Rosie - Were nil. Ought to try the bassoon. On second thoughts...
  • Zooological Keeper - *applauds* Whilst staying just south of Milan
  • rab - I began to dance a "can-can"
  • Projoy - - except that I can't
  • Chalky - 'cause my recent implant
  • st dogmael - Is still sore (But at last I'm a man!)
  • barbacoa - In the middle of making a toast
  • Chalky - To my flatulent ill-mannered host - [st d] superb!
  • st dogmal - I felt a deep rumble
  • Software - my bowel, it did grumble
  • Darren - And then my gas gave up the ghost.
  • Angus Prune - Mr Howard is now Tory Leader
  • KH - Another smug and fawning bleeder
  • Darren - It seems they can't win
  • Tuj - It makes Kennedy grin
  • Angus Prune - That damn little Scot ginger weed - er
  • Angus Prune - I would like to point out at this time I have nothing against Scots, ginger people or indeed the Lib Dems.
  • KH - It's goodbye to Iain Duncan-Smith
  • Angus Prune - We will all shed a tear and a sniff (sorry)
  • Rosie - who returns to the darkness forthwith.
  • Rosie - BUGGER - SIMULPOST. How did that happen?
  • blamelewis - (Bifurcating then...)
    He was Labour's best hope / He was banished by Howard
  • Software - Now it's gone up in smoke/The backstabbing coward
  • Angus Prune - And he's now been replaced by a twit-h
  • : -
  • snorgle - Many terrible deeds at the palace
  • Software - none commited, however, by Alice
  • KH - All we know is - a writ
  • Ken Tishman - We'll know more in a bit ...
  • plump - But I bet it involves a royal phallus
  • Angus Prune - Last night I dreamt I was walking
  • Dujon - Surrey streets in a town known as Dorking
  • Rosie - And when I awoke (Ken T) I see you've got here at last. :-)
  • KH - I was really in Stoke
  • Breadmaster - Being arrested for illegal stalking. [plump] Actually a servant's, according to what I hear... you didn't get it from me though...
  • Chalky -
    If you want to develop your pecs
  • Tina - Take a hint from good old T-Rex
  • Angus Prune - Just strum your guitar
  • Software - and don't wear a bra
  • barbacoa - And engage dear Prince ********** in sex sorry if I lowered the tone at all...
  • barbacoa - How do you get a line in here?
  • Kim - Like this.
  • ZK - In the middle of sueing for slander
  • snorgle - (for they spoke out with far too much candour)
  • blamelewis - We stopped for a dance [barbacoa] <hr> - I remember it as short for "horizontal rule"
  • Dujon - Just on the off chance
  • plump - A Cha-Cha with Chi-Chi the panda
  • Breadmaster - There's an injunction on part of this verse
  • snorgle - For the censored censored, it gets worse!
  • Projoy - The Guardian's screaming
  • Rosie - The lawyers are beaming
  • Tina - And every report must be terse.
  • A thin line between ingenuity and insanity -
  • Tuj - For those who are feeling the cold
  • Tina - Remember it stifles the mold.
  • Angus Prune - So get on with living
  • Zooological Keeper - Be loving and giving
  • Chalky - And let those warm feelings unfold. aaah
  • Z.K. - In the middle of drinking some tea,
  • Rosie - I thought "this will make me pee". Old men and their bladders :-(
  • penelope - What if I don't get up? ohdearohdearohdear
  • Chalky - Or I drench the new pup? yelp!
  • plump - A dilemma I'm sure you'll agree
  • Chalky - If you curtsey again I shall scream
  • Software - I can see your knickers, they're green
  • snorle - At least, I think they're your pants
  • Darren - Inside, I feel ants
  • Rosie - gnawing away at my spleen. What a compendium of non-sequiturs, mine included. I feel we can do better. :-)
  • Zooological Keeper - From Hackney to Bromley-by-Bow
  • Chalky - And the meadows of old Pimlico Already I'm liking the poetry of this one ....
  • Projoy - The byways we tread
  • Breadmaster - As we breathe in the lead
  • Kim - And eastward t'wards Dagenham we go. Hit me with your rhythm stick!
  • Align -
  • Projoy - Kew Gardens; the height of the fall
  • LotUS - Has tourists who just have the gall
  • barbacoa - To drop all their wrappers
  • Chalky - Then run like the clappers oblig
  • Software - and leg-it over the wall
  • Lodge - It's rumoured that Hampton Court Palace in keeping
  • KH - Was the setting for BBC's 'Dallas'
  • Zooological Keeper - And that really, JR
  • penelope - Was Kath-ar-ine Parr
  • Software - Dressed-up and sporting a phalus.
  • Projoy - Meanwhile, back in Kalamazoo
  • Lodge - Michigan State's playing host to The Who
  • Big Dave - They've already smashed
  • Tina - Guitars and they've trashed
  • Software - all the hotels they've stayed in too
  • Angus Prune - George Bush isn't bright it is true
  • penelope - But I don't think it matters, do you?
  • Tina - He's just one of the guys.
  • barbacoa - Although he denies
  • snorgle - The attack on Iraq was a coup
  • ants on a log -
  • CdM - From Kalamazoo to East Lansing
  • ZK - "Who" fans blocked the streets up with dancing.
  • LotUS - But things went awry
  • Angus Prune - When a pineapple pie
  • Zooological Keeper - Hit the vocalist, who now just can't sing.
  • I - Liner -
  • Z.K. - thanks!
  • Z.K. - On a day out with Danny La Rue
  • Projoy - I found half a didgeridoo
  • Chalky - Its twang was almighty
  • Z.K. - - It was heard back in Blighty -
  • Software - and Danny dived into the loohighly unlikely, anyway it's a dunny down under, or so us poms are led to believe. Here endeth the lesson.
  • Projoy - Lusaka, Kinshasa, Harare
  • snorgle - St Fagans, Blaenavon and Barry
  • barbacoa - Kilmarnock and Fife
  • plump - Looe and St Ive
  • st dogmael - And Kenya (Whilst lost on Safari).
  • Kim - They say I'm a much-travelled man
  • Lodge - And it's true - I've spent time in Japan
  • Software - and also on Mars
  • Angus Prune - (But mostly in bars)
  • Chalky - Where I filled up my green petrol can.
  • penelope - Is it true to say green eggs and ham unfi...
  • st dogmael - Are unfit for consumption by man ?
  • Projoy - With a fox, in a box
  • Riff - and cream cheese and lox
  • Zooological Keeper - They're still better for you than spam.
  • blamelewis - At last I have ultimate power! Muahahahaha!
  • Zooological Keeper - Before you all people shall cower! (echoes laugh)
  • Tina - The formula's mine
  • penelope - For the fog on the Tyne
  • Projoy - And the alpine fresh scent in your shower! It doesn't come much more potent than that.
    Syntactical rules are not made (sentence alert unfinished)
  • Line-o-rama -
    Syntactical rules are not made
  • Chalky - to beguile, tempt, cajole or persuade
  • barbacoa - But to help make some sense
  • Software - (and not cause offence)
  • Angus Prune - Of all the preceding tyrade
  • Thin Grey Line -
  • Lodge - My tirades 'gainst poor grammar are fraught
  • Projoy - With the pedantry that I was taught
  • barbacoa - By a teacher at school
  • Software - (the silly old fool)
  • Breadmaster - His lessons weren't not what they ought.
  • Kim - Bad grammar, poor syntax, crap rhyme
  • Projoy - So many to try, but no time!
  • penelope - So here I will just unfinished...
  • Lodge - Make do with a lust
  • Tina - For the great Ogden Nash in his prime.
  • Zooological Keeper - As Yoda declared once to me,
  • Angus Prune - 'Confused by this all will you be'
  • Tina - Well, he was right
  • barbacoa - for I sat up all night
  • blamelewis - I can't choose! With the plotline for Episode Three / How the hell did he beat Christ'pher Lee? / With a Grammar book, pencils and tea
  • Align? What Line? -
  • plump - Whilst inhaling a pinch of good snuff
  • Dazed5 - I was tempted to say, to Frank Bough
  • Chalky - "Try this for size" [Dazed] Ah - so that's how they pronounce Buff in Brum :-) ]
  • snorgle - "It'll bug out your eyes"
  • barbacoa - But I sensed that he'd had quite enough.
  • barbacoa - While cruising to tropical climes
  • Tina - To escape prosecution for crimes
  • barbacoa - I happened to meet
  • Angus Prune - A cop on the beat
  • Raak - Who said "Sunshine, you're nicked, you'll do time!"
  • Breadmaster - My cell is just six feet by ten
  • snorgle - And I share it with 26 men
  • Chalky - My left knee is wedged
  • blamelewis - between something alleged unf...
  • blamelewis - (sorry! for grammar:) behind something alleged
  • Nom de Plume - to be bigger than that owned by Sven.
  • barbacoa - If sleep were a treat, not a right,
  • Angus Prune - I think I'd still do it all night
  • Software - I'd stay in my pit
  • Tina - Until I saw fit
  • st dogmael - To get up [or just needed a shite] thangyew thangyew
  • Projoy - I wish I did not oversleep
  • Kim - But when my alarm clock goes "beep"
  • penelope - The temptation's too great
  • Fat German - And I must masturbate
  • barbacoa - Because I've been counting those sheep.
    Of all of the people I've met,
  • Chalky - None compares to that nice Yorkshire vet
  • Software - for creatures, he's best great and small, that is
  • st dogmael - But dont shake his hand, lest FG] I almost ruptured my throat laughing at that !
  • Zooological Keeper - Yours ends up all slimy and wet... eeeeewwww.....
  • Zooological Keeper - One Saturday in Piccadilly
  • Software - I met a transvestite called Lily bit of a drag, though
  • Kim - She took me in hand
  • Projoy - (Plus a minor brass band)
  • Angus Prune - And then we... no, that would be silly
  • Align -
  • Kim - One night, while traversing Kings Cross,
  • Chalky - Like a Rolling Stone gathering moss [invoking st dogmael]
  • st dogmael - A complete unknown
  • Software - playing trombone
  • Angus Prune - Said, 'Quite frankly I don't give a toss'
  • musical stave -
  • Fat German - I think I've drunk too much 'Red Bull'
  • penelope - So my bladder is buzzing and full [FG] I've got the most *awful* image in my mind of someone OD-ing on RB...
  • Software - My 'water' is pink
  • Tina - And it's starting to stink
  • Breadmaster - I don't think I'm going to pull.
  • Dujon - I'm morose, really down in the dumps
  • Software - 'Cos my willy has come out in lumps maintaining the base level
  • Kim - He is such a good dog Straining to get out of the mire....
  • Angus Prune - He sits on the bog
  • Tuj - But when he gets to the sink, he just humps
  • barbacoa - Sinatra was once heard to say
  • Tina - I'm proud that I did things my way
  • Zooological Keeper - Though I cheated and cussed
  • penelope - Was my hair ever mussed? Have I missed an obvious song-led rhyme here?
  • Software - and the Mafia augmented my pay
  • Zooological Keeper - Bruce Forsythe enjoyed a good game [penelope] Not that I made intentionally, no :)
  • Chalky - 'Though his wig received all the acclaim
  • Angus Prune - It did a small jig
  • Darren - Then grew very big
  • Martha Farquar - Now it's taken the star role in 'Mame'
  • Zooological Keeper - My friend is called Pudsey the Bear (topical)
  • Martha Farquar - We go round to children in care
  • penelope - And give them a thrashing Children in Need? Why can't they stay in bloody need? That's not me talking btw - it's a quote from the Fast Show...
  • Dujon - With feathers, not bashing ... Which sounds a little like the sentences imposed on murderers, rapists etc. meted out by my local judiciary system.... (tucks occasional right wing tendencies over tender left wing and flies off.)
  • Martha Farquar - It's a smash when it goes out on air! Or the S4C primetime highlight: "Children In Neath"
  • Zooological Keeper - I'm a big fan of Children in Neath
  • snorgle - And of Ladyboys in Cowdenbeath
  • Zooological Keeper - The Teenagers in Frome
  • penelope - Have been swept to their doom
  • Software - And Looe Pensioners all have false teeth.
  • Chalky - Suspected of fiddling with boys,
  • rab - And playing with cudd-er-ly toys,
  • penelope - Here soundeth the klaxon
  • Angus Prune - For that idiot Jackson (forced)
  • Dujon - Whose 'hanging' created some 'noise'.
  • penelope - [Angus Prune] Forced? Forced???!!! Au contraire, it was a gift! Carefully planned and skilfully made!! If you don't like it, then don't take it! ;o)
    Caref'ly planned and skillf'ly made
  • barbacoa - And usually cheerf'ly displayed
  • Angus Prune - Was the head of a moose
  • Riff - Which hung from a noose
  • Darren - Keeping fresh thanks to plenty of shade.
  • Poisoned Pigeon - While practising a quite tricky stunt
  • Riff - With my neighbor, good old Allen Funt
  • rab - I fell in a trap
  • Angus Prune - Constructed of scrap
  • Darren - Which proved that I'm simply a runt.
  • barbacoa - This first line's a bit lame, it's true,
  • Darren - And for the third, better must do.
  • Software - But to make matters worse
  • Kim - This entire piss-poor verse
  • Chalky - Has ended up blocking the loo.
  • st dogmael - Lets try Jackson now in the press !
  • Software - It's clear that his face is a mess a couple of tracks short of an album, if you ask me.
  • Darren - And as for the songs
  • rab - Well - they right no wrongs
  • st dogmael - String him up ! Lynch him ! Kill him ! YES YES!!!
  • Darren - Let's all get together and sing
  • CdM - A hymn to The Great Blob of Tring
  • penelope - samn - simulposted! Of the relative merits of 'bling'
  • Kim - Bifurcating: Whose one saving grace/The rocks and the gold
  • Riff - Is the look on His face / Are a sight to behold
  • Software - And the merriment that it will bring. hoping I have covered both possibilities neatly in one line. :-)
  • Zooological Keeper - The chance that was too good to miss
  • Chalky - Ended up being seized by the Swiss
  • st dogmael - The Americas Cup
  • Poisoned Pigeon - And the chance to throw up!
  • Software - Hang on. Are you taking the p*ss?
  • : - / Jeez - that sure made limer-sense. Ah well - onwards and upwards ...
    Chalky - Whilst cooking in loco parentis
  • st dogmael - (Mom*ma had gone off to the dentist)
  • Software - I put on the gas
  • Breadmaster - And shook my yas-yas (obscure 1930s southern US slang declared)
  • Tina - And proved I was non compas mentis.
  • Align - [Tina] Good call.!
  • Kim - I sit in my nice padded cell
  • snorgle - And giggle, as I ring my bell
  • Breadmaster - But the imps and the pixies
  • Wol - Try to tell me that six is
  • penelope - Seven, and eight is aswell
  • Darren - I know how to carbonate tea
  • Software - And how to select the best Brie
  • Breadmaster - But what's got me stumped
  • Chalky - is how come I got dumped
  • Tuj - And why she picked a she over me
  • Tina - While eating a plateful of turkey.
  • Dujon - Along with some bits of old jerky
  • Beth - I started to wonder
  • Poisoned Pigeon - About having a chunder
  • Riff - and that's why the fish tank's all murky.
  • Bob the dog - For Christmas I want in my stocking
  • penelope - A hoist, to facilitate docking
  • barbacoa - Though the fit may be tight,
  • Thos - It will be all right
  • Chalky - bah! simulpost My prospects just might [forcing bifurcatory dénouement]
  • Darren - [Thos] I'll slide it in with careful rocking. [Chalky] Avoid the scene getting too shocking.
  • Breadmaster - Bifurcation can be very tricky
  • barbacoa - And if you're not careful, quite sticky.
  • rab - But if one can reverse
  • penelope - In a Mercedes hearse
  • Chalky - One can refurcate in Billericay.
  • Lib - Dear Santa, I'd like a new hearse Stealing pen's hearse theme as I like it! (hope you don't mind!)
  • Chalky - 'Cause my death wish is getting much worse
  • Bob the dog - If you can't manage that
  • penelope - I'll just bury the cat
  • Wol - And then, when it's dead, write a verse.
  • Zooological Keeper - I read in the papers today
  • Fat German - Mutant Llamas are heading our way!
  • Beth - So let's board up our houses
  • penelope - And gird up our trousis oblig.
  • plump - Fall to our knees and just pray
  • Tina - The only way to success
  • Kim - In this game we call "Mornington Cresc.",
  • Zooological Keeper - Is so closely guarded
  • Darren - Because it's bombarded
  • Tuj - By the bloodsucking hounds of the Press.
  • Z.K. - Out bowling with old Tony Blair,
  • plump - I stamped on his foot for a dare
  • Thos - He said "Listen, mush"
  • Zooological Keeper - Nobody but Bush (a gift)
  • Breadmaster - Ever gets to touch me just there! Oh, the satire of it all.
  • Kim - I ache for the touch of your lips (dear)
  • Zooological Keeper - But much more for some good fish and chips (sorry)
  • Software - smothered in salt
  • snorgle - and vinegar malt
  • Wol - rubbed in wounds that are left by your whips. accepting Kim's invitation
  • Projoy - I stimulate this piece of dough
  • Software - I'm podgy, lethargic and slow this is only verse, you understand...
  • Thos - And so when I stroke More "t" in simulate, Vicar?
  • Poisoned Pigeon - The fat, stodgy bloke Try and keep this clean please?
  • penelope - I'm confident nothing will grow I did my best...
  • Thos - When eating a bucket of rice
  • Chalky - Try saying "janitor" - twice
  • Dujon - I'll lay odds your tongue
  • Software - will foul the dipthong dodgy, dodgy...
  • Kim - and it won't look (or sound) very nice.
  • penelope - I don't think too much of this groove
  • Chalky - And I fear that my mood won't improve
  • Zooological Keeper - so perhaps I should leave
  • Dazed5 - I've no wish to deceive
  • st dogmael - This guide showing *me round the Louvre
  • Zooological Keeper - Now the Christmassy season is here
  • Riff - I'm up to my eyes in false cheer Bah, humbug
  • Tuj - Is it only me
  • Pogle - Who gets Yule Anomie Look that one up - Nasty !
  • Poisoned Pigeon - Den Watts, Anne Robinson and Germaine Greer?
  • Z.K. - [Pogle]Not in the dictionary!
  • Z.K. - My English has gone all to pot
  • Darren - Bad language is all that I've got
  • Z.K. - I swear and I curse
  • Kim - I blaspheme and much worse
  • Software - I've started to talk like a Scot
  • Chalky - Despite having only one thumb - [chuckle at Software :-)]
  • Software - And only one cheek to my bum (thx, Chalks ;-)
  • Projoy - In fact, no left half
  • Raak - And a lopsided laugh
  • Darren - I blame it on my right-wing mum.
  • Breadmaster - The circus is coming to town! (Splendidly surreal, that one.)
  • Darren - I think I'll dress up as a clown!
  • Riff - And then, with this axe,
  • Uncle Korky - I'll land a few whacks
  • rab - On anyone wearing a gown
  • rab -
  • Riff - When working with HTML,
  • LotUS - One summons things arcane and fell
  • Darren - Like "nbsp"
  • Dujon - And things you can't see ...
  • Tina - would not to your best friend tell
  • Chalky - A government study has found
  • Martha Farquar - We're really quite hard to astound.
  • Software - MP's we don't trust
  • C U Jimmi - Prescott's nose I will bust
  • Martha Farquar - Unless of course Prince Charles gets crowned
  • Martha Farquar - (referring to the second line rather than the fourth)
  • Zooological Keeper - Though usually dazed and confused,
  • Darren - Last night I was more than bemused
  • LotUS - By the folks on my street
  • Raak - All singing "tweet tweet"
  • C U Jimmi - Whilst using my 'phone, which is orange
  • rab - And being so highly enthused. Ignoring Mr Jimmi's rather unorthodox rhyming convention, there
  • Chalky - Coherent in thought, word and print,
  • Projoy - - If you are, you'll be earning a mint
  • Darren - Your wage will be herbs
  • rab - If you screw up your verbs
  • Software - and you'll be out on your neck at a sprint
  • Martha Farquar - While watching a video of Paris
  • Chalky - I swore I'd glimpsed Anita Harris
  • Darren - But actually it's
  • Poisoned Pigeon - A set of her bits
  • Angus Prune - And a bare naked view of 'er 'arris
  • Underlining -
  • Angus Prune - I've not been around for a while
  • Tina - As you'll see if you look in my file.
  • Darren - In fact, I've been shaking
  • Riff - My booty, and making
  • Chalky - A fortune by flashing my smile.
  • Projoy - Hooray. What perfect scansion that one had!
    Joe Public just hasn't a clue
  • Chalky - 'Bout the plan to submerge London Zoo
  • Breadmaster - For the canal will be dammed
  • plump - And an hippopotamus rammed
  • Darren - In an effort to clean up its poo. coat
  • Zooological Keeper - Some carollers came down our way
  • Poisoned Pigeon - "Penny for the song" they all started to say
  • Raak - "For 2p we'll just go"
  • Darren - "And for 3p, we'll show..."
  • Tina - "what happens inside Santa's sleigh."
  • Align -
  • Zooological Keeper - I did all my laundry today (Almost true, even)
  • Tina - . My whites were getting quite gray.
  • Angus Prune - But a sneaky blue sock
  • widey - ruined the whole f******g lot!
  • Software - Dunno what my missus will say! been there, done that...
  • Tina - One day I went fishing for bass.
  • snorgle - Instead, I hooked a bold lass
  • Software - she'd dipped in the buff
  • Tuj - And had just had enough poised...
  • st dogmael - Of the plaice so I floundered a pass
  • Chalky - Pray silence to mark our respect [st d] classy!
  • rab - For a thing that is very erect
  • Software - It stands out proud
  • Uncle Korky - and attracts quite a crowd
  • Angus Prune - It's said to have a healing effect
  • linomatic -
  • plump - While in a nativity play
  • penelope - (When the shepherds had knelt down to pray)
  • Darren - Mary let out a scream
  • Tuj - When she stood up, a bream
  • Kim - Was revealed, still alive, in the hay.
  • Chalky - Poor Joseph was shocked to the core
  • Angus Prune - When he found what the donkey was for
  • Darren - "You just lift the tail
  • Zooological Keeper - It'll fill up a pail
  • Pogle - If you tickle his balls he'll do more
  • Humpty - An angel, by the name of Trevor
  • Humpty - Oh buttons, how did that happen ?
  • Line out -
  • Humpty - An angel, by the name of Trevor
  • Software - Used to work whatever the weather pronounced "wever" :-)
  • Tina - His wings might get chilly,
  • st dogmael - But never his willy,
  • Chalky - all swathed in its loin cloth of leather.
  • Zooological Keeper - It's festive, it's bright, and it's gay
  • Tuj - It's the New Santa! Now on his way
  • LotUS - To deliver your gift
  • Software - 'tho he is pis't
  • Uncle Korky - and likely to 'total' his sleigh...
  • Lib - Christmas parties are dangerous things
  • Poisoned Pigeon - For married men take off their rings!
  • Zooological Keeper - There's no way of knowing
  • Tina - What seeds they are sewing.
  • Chalky - 25 hours of stunned silence - a mercy killing is obviously needed:
    (when lining up their New Year flings)
    disclaimer: the sentiments expressed above do not represent my personal viewpoint and I would like to assure the readers that faithful husbands were not used [or even stitched up] in the making of that last limerick :-)
  • Darren - Wrapping up presents is fun
  • penelope - A ball and some slippers, a gun... in the form of a list, y'see
  • plump - ..a hanky and socks
  • blamelewis - ...some ears just like Spocks,
  • Zooological Keeper - And a bottle of rosé Blue Nun.
  • CdM - Why, Grandma, it's just what I wanted!
  • Tuj - Is what I would have said - but I grunted
  • Rosie - 'Twas all I could manage
  • Darren - On that day in Swanage (it doesn't rhyme, I know)
  • plump - After a kiss from my old transvestite aunt Ted
  • Tina - The sexton said to the vicar
  • ZK - (Who reacted with naught but a flicker)
  • Chalky - "Which way do you lean .. [UNfinished quote alert]
  • Software - because you see I'm quite keen careful, now...
  • Wol - To make your silk vestments look slicker.
  • ZK - Twas the night before Christmas, it's said,
  • Kim - While all the good folk were a'bed,
  • Software - That Santa's wee elves
  • Fridge - make friendly spells
  • Zooological Keeper - for sugarplums and gingerbread. (ignoring Fridge's blatant mixing of tenses)
  • spliggo - Sesquipedalianism
  • Software - essentially, verbosity driven
  • Tuj - Makes people, in herds
  • integer - (Whose brains are like bird's)
  • Raak - Feel their corpus callosum is riven.
  • ZK - I saw David Beckham last week
  • snorgle - I gave his left butt cheek a tweak
  • Uncle Korky - It came off in my hand
  • spliggo - which was not what I'd planned
  • Software - so next week I'm in front of the beak. One wonders what Victoria would say - if she actually realized, that is.
  • Chalky - One has to be cruel to be kind ... sigh
  • blamelewis - So here is a piece of my mind
  • Tina - I'm sick of your moods,
  • Rosie - and your Chopin Preludes
  • Dujon - Hence I'll play by myself and go blind ... I'm leaving
  • Kim - Cette sauce d'haute qualité
  • Rosie - qui contient d'la merde rechauffée
  • snorgle - est un petit peu drolle
  • Software - nous sommes a l'ecole?
  • ZK - Bien sur - comme vous avez gouté!
  • ZK - Vous avez le Knockwurst chez vous?
  • Toby - Aber nein doch, das geb' ich nicht zu
  • ZK - Mais, ce grand saucisson?
  • ZK - *no "?" intended*
  • Rosie - dont l'odeur est si bon
  • Your Mother - Damnit teach me to spend a long time reading before posting...
  • st dogmael - Das ist Bratwurst nicht Knockwurst, (qui pue !)
  • Software - What's wrong with plain English I ask?
  • Rosie - Mon Dieu! Nous sommes taken to task.
  • Breadmaster - Mais j'ai peur that I'm stuck
  • Kim - Und Ich hab nicht mehr luck
  • Toby - Et je veux's Nächstenmal we speak Basque.
  • Toby - - oh, sorry
  • ZK - Last night as I went off to bed
  • Tina - , a polka dot scarf on my head,
  • plump - I tripped on a stair
  • ZK - Landing on Tony Blair
  • Breadmaster - Now I'm in Belmarsh until I am dead!
  • ZK - The trouble with children today
  • snorgle - Is they don't kneel down and pray
  • Toby - When asking permission
  • Rosie - to indulge in coition
  • plump - They say "No, you big perv, go away"
  • Zooological Keeper - When the Crescenters arrive at rab,
  • penelope - They find it all dreary and drab poetic licence. Not true, rab sweetie.
  • LotUS - With colours insipid - second application for poetic license
  • Rosie - Walls all strippéd - can it really be this bad?
  • Raak - But I'm joking -- it's really ab fab!
  • Tina - I know all the secrets of love
  • Rosie - When to wriggle, when to roll, when to shove.
  • Angus Prune - But this illness, I fear
  • snorgle - Was brought on by beer
  • Software - so I'm flacid and won't fit like a glove
  • Good News - My fingers are feeling quite sore Make of it what you will...
  • ZK - For I got them trapped in the door
  • Rosie - It could have been worse
  • ZK - For I got the nurse
  • Dujon - To kiss them and wrap them - and more!
  • ZK - I once knew a man from Northants
  • plump - who cooked a stew made of old pants
  • Software - with dumplings like lead
  • ZK - And an old cabbage head
  • Rosie - all garnished with microwaved ants.
  • ZK - One day I'll stop starting the rhyme
  • Software - start stopping - now is the time
  • LotUS - When future and past
  • ZK - Turn to present, at last
  • Toby - Was and will be starstopting sublime.
  • endliner -
  • Kim - It's been a stop/start kind of day
  • ZARBENIA - Iv'e been casting my glances away
  • Tina - , The kind where there's simply no way
  • Tina - oops simulpost. Ignore mine.
  • ZARBENIA - Too late, It's been captured online
  • Unbiased umpire - On balance, we'll go with Zarbenia
    It's been a stop/start kind of day
    I've been casting my glances away
  • Software - where shall I go?
  • ZK - 'Cos I simply don't know
  • Angus Prune - How to finish this in a clever way
  • Poisoned Pigeon - The trouble with being so clever
  • Breadmaster - Is you can't keep your thoughts all together
  • Toby - They prance and cavort
  • ZK - Way odd in an of sort
  • Chalky - Thus scuppering scansion endeavour [ZK - what were you thinking of?] :-)
  • Raak - The trouble with aardvarks is this:
  • ZK - (Trust me, I'm not taking the piss) [Chalky - the 2nd line of the limerick, naturally :)]
  • Chalky - Alphabetically
  • Rosie - they're tops, if trickily Do I read you right, Chalks?
  • Tina - served under hot melted Swiss.
  • Breadmaster - My belt hardly fits round my waist!
  • Angus Prune - All due to a turkey's great taste
  • Poisoned Pigeon - The magic of 'tatoes
  • Rosie - Purchased from Waitrose Best I could do. (PP) "Taters" would have been easier.
  • plump - And eaten with indecent haste
  • Kim - In the post-Christmas, pre-New Year gap [Rosie] I thought of "And - yikes! - up my weight goes" for the 4th line above, but decided against it.
  • Rosie - The TV has rather less pap. (Kim) No worse than mine! I tried to think of the chemical name for various sugars, eg lactose, fructose, sucrose etc but the neurons had congealed. Alas!
  • Breadmaster - Though there's no more The Office
  • Raak - The ISIHAC sophis- (-try, -ticated, -m, etc.)
  • Chalky - -ticates will say 'bah' to the crap.
  • widey - There once was a girl called Sally
  • Dujon - A 'bush baby' born in the mallee
  • Rosie - Her chief claim to fame Wossa "mallee", Duj?
  • Angus Prune - Was a deep source of shame
  • Toby - For the dark deed she'd done in the alley.
  • Valentin - There once was a playwright called Will
  • snorgle - Who said that he'd had his fill unfinished sentence alert..
  • Widey - So with a groan and a sigh
  • Angus Prune - And a tear in the eye
  • Rosie - Declared "Not to be!". (Slave to the quill). Stony ground, snorgle. :-(
  • Toby - With due apprehension and dread
  • Dujon - I approached the dark land of the dead
  • Widey - with a pencil full of lead
  • CdM - From the gloom and the drear [Widey] Sorry, but given your unorthodox rhyme and non-existent scansion, I thought this limerick deserved better.
  • Raak - There came to my ear
  • Chalky - 'Ace of Spades' from the band Motörhead.
  • Chalky - And now I'll begin a new ditty
  • Toby - And though it be brief, 'tis not pretty
  • Breadmaster - For the tale's one of woe
  • Poisoned Pigeon - As these ditties go
  • Rosie - 'cos I support Birmingham City.
  • widey - It was in Scotland I seem to remember
  • LotUS - That I had begun to dismember
  • rab - A turtle called Pete
  • Rosie - I needed to eat
  • penelope - Since breakfast was served last September
  • plump - As the Old Year came to an end
  • Angus Prune - And my brain cells all went round the bend
  • Poisoned Pigeon - I said "Happy Hogmanay!"
  • Valentin - And saw out the day
  • snorgle - Passed out, on the floor, with a friend
  • Rosie - It's still not New Year in Caracas (as I write)
  • penelope - And the natives are causing a fracas pronunciation wild...
  • Breadmaster - For they love Hogmanay
  • LotUS - But would get blown away
  • Toby - If they used fireworks as maracas
  • Kim - Among my new year's resolutions
  • Chalky - I shall try to refine my ablutions
  • Dujon - I shall shave every day Sorry, Chalky - nowt personal!
  • Toby - For it's so distingué
  • Rosie - 'mongst those whom "I'mSorryIHaven'tAClue" shuns.
  • Thos - I once had a donkey to lunch
  • Toby - With a sigh he started to munch
  • momus - "oh, this lettuce is limp"
  • momus - "oh, this lettuce is limp"
  • Breadmaster - "And I don't like the shrimp"
  • widey - so from now on we only do brunch!
  • Liney -
  • Angus Prune - A Happy New Year to you all
  • Chalky - In particular those who're named Paul
  • Dazed5 - and Kathys as well,
  • snorgle - And Simon, and Nell
  • penelope - In fact to the entire roll call.
    I've been dining on old tangerines
  • LotUS - In the company of two ethereal queens
  • momus - We avoided the mints
  • Rosie - but don't those queens mince!
  • Kim - No wonder they quit the Marines....
  • Tuj - I've found, with a couple of kippers,
  • penelope - I can manage without pipe and slippers
  • ZK - For, when smoked on the fire, (Are kippers already smoked? Does it matter?)
  • momus - and wrapped up in barbwire
  • Thrax - You can't beat a couple of strippers.
  • LIneage -
  • Tina - There once was a herring named Barb,
  • Thrax - Who looked foolish attired in such garb
  • Breadmaster - As a bright crimson mac
  • Rosie - of polymerised cack (Thrax) Jayne Mansfield could've dealt with herrings, but those F****** LOBSTERS!
  • Chalky - Imported from deepest Punjab.
  • momus - A Hippo has been found on Mars
  • Dujon - With a beagle that fell from the stars
  • Toby - And its furtive silence
  • Thrax - Gave dramatic Licence Rosie, you're not still on lobster duty are you? I'd have thought that after all your long years of faithful service you might get a prmotion to a slightly better job - perhaps involving Julia Roberts' bottom and grey squirrels.
  • Tina - To ad men peddling cars.
  • Chalky - As God is my witness, I swear
  • Raak - I never did that, anywhere
  • LotUS - Unless you have proof
  • ZK - Of that night on the roof
  • Rosie - of my waywardly yoof (Thrax) You know where you are with lobsters. Grey squirrels? BASTARDS!
  • Angus Prune - When I simply had nothing to wear I feel that works whichever of the simulposts you read!
  • Ye Olde Line -
  • Uncle Korky - It simply defies rhyme and reason
  • ZK - At the end of the holiday season
  • momus - To buy Wizard of Oz
  • Chalky - [The Songbook] because
  • Thrax - To my ears it's insufferable treason. Far better, if you as me, is Dark Side of the Rainbow. You'd love that one, Chalky. IF you ever carry out your threat and make it to Swindon, I'll treat you to it, if you've not witnessed it before. :) Now then, let's try the good Doctor's prescription...
  • Thrax - Hey! it worked!! Festivaalllll!!
  • Breadmaster - Rejoice! Let us sing and make cheer!
  • Software - For the chance to F**k up a New Year I'm back from by Gallic celebrations, all the best for the new Year, one and all.
  • Dazed5 - We'll start right away
  • Software - For the chance to F**k up a New Year I'm back from by Gallic celebrations, all the best for the new Year, one and all.
  • Thrax - And repeat right away Congratulations, Softers. One New Year Limerick F**ked up as intended. Well done. ;)
  • st dogmael - Rejoice! Let us sing and make cheer!
  • Chalky - Let's all drink gallons of beer!
  • Software - We'll start right away
  • nights - (and there was me thinking that this was a limericks game...)
  • Breadmaster - [nights] They all turn into something resembling MC in the end, you know...
  • Toby - And we'll brook no delay
  • Thrax - [b]Someone tell me which line we're at here.[/b] Aha! I managed to vent my predicament and play a valid move into the bargain.
  • Thrax - (but bugger up the HTML, 'cos another site I visit uses '['s and ']'s rather than '<'s and '>'s. Sorry folks.)
  • Tuj - For the chance to F**k up a New Year
    That's enough of that. 11-line limericks vex me.
  • Chalky - If two heads are better than one
  • snorgle - Then six hands must be lots of fun
  • momus - Arm wrestle arachnid
  • Rosie - (Spider joke, hackneyed)
  • Thrax - If compelled, just repeat until done. A bit like that last limerick. Seems we had a touch of the old Dollis Hillitis going on for a bit, eh?
  • momus - A Republican from Norwich once wrote
  • Chalky - 'Limerick writers - take note ...
  • Kim - ...On pain of your lives,
  • snorgle - When rhyming with knives
  • Software - Beware that they're not at your throat
  • Breadmaster - I have no excuse this time, sir
  • Bigsmith - I have not a clue, what is myrh?
  • Toby - Why, it's Gilead's balm
  • penelope - Applied underarm
  • Chalky - Whence a sprouting of wings will occur.
  • Tuj - A cockerel's a creature with wings
  • momus - A young trained cock without any strings
  • Tina - . It can be a great pet,
  • Software - If its mind isn't set
  • snorgle - On hens and such sexual things
  • Angus Prune - I once saw a porcupine fly
  • st dogmael - (A rare insect, from wetland Dubai)
  • Bigsmith - It's covered in pricks
  • rab - , performs magic tricks
  • ZK - in top hat, in tails and white tie!
  • Tuj -
    Watch out for turnips in June
  • Tuj - Oh poop. Round two:
    Watch out for turnips in June
  • widey - by the light of a silvery moon
  • Rosie - They explode at a touch
  • momus - maiming your crotch
  • penelope - And mature at the root far too soon
    My apple is home to a worm
  • Software - My bottom is home to a germ carefully lowering the tone.
  • snorgle - And both, it is said
  • Raak - Will answer to "Fred"
  • Angus Prune - It's enough to make anyone squirm
  • Rosie - Whilst cutting a slice of Red Leicester Spelling puns?
  • CdM - (In my job as a milk product teicester)
  • Software - I cut through a vein
  • Toby - While concealing disdain
  • comus - and died in the old Zoo in Chester
  • Line in the sand -
  • Kim - Lim MC! I'll go first. Manor Park
  • widey - ??? "Oh What a lark!"
  • Biffo - to frolick in the buff
  • Chalky - Kim - I think your excellent first line may have been too subtle for some ... sorry chaps ...
    Kim - Lim MC! I'll go first. Manor Park
    Chalky - Then I'll follow in kind. Cutty Sark !
  • Thrax - Ladies, perhaps you could explain the rules of how Lim MC works. Ordinary limericks work along the premise that lines 1, 2 and 5 rhyme, whilst 3 and 4 do also. Furthermore 1, 2 and 5 have typically nine syllables, whilst 3 and 4 have five. given that you've set a precedent that lines or names or moves(whatever term one should use) 1 and 2(and presumably 5) have four syllables, how many should 3 and 4 have? Or is that not important?
  • Thrax - Oops! I meant to say "1 and 2(and presumably 5) have three syllables", but you get the gist.
  • Chalky - If you read out the whole line 1 & 2 including the italicised part .. you will see that Kim and I have a perfect 9 syllables each :-) [oh ... and Kim is a chap]
  • nights - *chortles* don't worry kim, I was accused of being a lady last week on the MCiOS chat room. just talk about football, that'll give them the idea, offside ref fullback pies burberry army.
  • Thrax - Goodness me, Chalky. I'd never have spotted that. That's fantastic. My apologies however to you, Kim for presuming.

    Ahem, anyway, I'll give this a go. Here's my move:

    Then Bank I shall try.
  • Angus Prune - To Debden I'll fly
  • penelope - Pah! That's a ploy pioneered on the Ark!!
  • Thax - To play Kightsbridge gets me a podume.

    [I'm keeping up with the Lim MC theme. I figure that we ought to keep going 'til someone finds their way to MC. Also, to make the game even more fiendishly clever, all MC-based 'extras' like declaring home stations, aquiring snoods and podumes, bifurcations, issues of spoon etc. should be incorporated into the rhyme. Pretty groovy huh? Should make the game not only more interesting but more of a challenge. I can't wait t see how folk play it in Limericks if someone(God forbid) starts up a Dollis Hill loop.]
  • Thax - [now I realise why you folks, like Chalky and Dujon and Rosie and the Doc were pleased to see me return. It's 'cos I've always brought some strange permutation into the game at hand, thereby redrafting or abusing the game mechanics, in the past(at Pants) haven't I? Like Charades interrupting a game of BallyKissangels or turning Good News/Bad News into a horror story. My apologies to those of you who don't like it. I'm a rogue some might say.]
  • Thax - [I tell you what would be cool to do as a game - Limerick Charades. Whereas Online Text Charades differs from Sound charades in that it takes the form of a transcript of a conversation between two people(usually Dougal and Hamish), Limerick Charades would be a transcript in the form of a Limerick, from which we all guess the book, film song or play. Person 1 would have lines 1, 3 and 5, while person 2 would get 2 and 4. Now that would be a challenge, don't you think?]
  • Duon - But only if Bank's got enough room
  • ZK - For when at Russell Square
  • Roie - et si Monumentum requiris . . .
  • widey - I'm confused (2 brain cells both, working over time).I liked the old Limerick game progress only confuses me......sigh.....
  • comus - Fawning Till Pleasant
  • Rosie - (Widey)I'm with you on that. This reminds of the entry in the Hungarian Phrase Book for Travellers "Lo! the train has left the rails". Time to get the cranes out.
  • Projoy - Nah, just needs a bit of routine track maintenance...
    To play Knightsbridge gets me a podume [doesn't scan all that well, Thax :P]
    If Bank's only got enough room
    For when at Russell Square
    Oval freem ain't all there
  • Toby - Credit where it's due and all, I think it was Kim's idea. Seems if it wants to carry on organically it will do just that; but I'm with Rosie and widey - plain old limericks'll do me a treat, fanks.
  • Projoy - (and if you're looking for a definition of a limerick, you could do worse than start here)
  • nights - [rosie] phrase books are great - I had one that got lost in the move that had a whole section on what to yell out during sex... in French.
  • Chalky - [Tidying up]
    To play Knightsbridge gets me a podume
    If Bank's only got enough room
    For when at Russell Square
    Oval freem ain't all there
    So Wapping's the one, I presume?
    In Egypt they do things with geese
  • Dujon - which involve using feathers and grease
  • penelope - But in France and Japan
  • Rosie - They just flush the pan Of course in Italy it's called the Po.
  • Angus Prune - And then smear each other with cheese
  • Oops -
  • nights - On a radio station in Cheshire
  • Uncle Korky - They interviewed old M C Escher
  • Rosie - whose illusory art
  • Tuj - Was oft known to start
  • penelope - With a hunt for some long-buried treasure
  • ZK - I said not to mention the war
  • Toby - But you did, you incredible bore
  • Rosie - Forget the Armada
  • Software - Let's dance the Lambada
  • nights - Until we both collapse to the floor!
    There was a young lady from Venus
  • Lib - who discovered a thing which was heinous hoping this doesn't go in the obvious direction.....
  • Software - It was firm and quite stiff
  • widey - and on top was a quiff!
  • Rosie - (Use a clean handkerchief)
  • Rosie - Bugger! Missed the warning. Follow widey.
  • lineout! -
  • st d - did we miss the last line there ? Are we being squeamish ?

    Since you ask, that's a gun in my pocket

  • Kim - I shall pull it out, aim it and cock it
  • Chalky - With unerring aim
  • penelope - But no malice or shame
  • Tuj - But it could go off early if knockéd Coat!
  • barbacoa - I once wrote a poem, it's true,
  • Toby - But ask me to show 'em, I'll sue going with po-em...
  • Software - The verse was quite blank
  • LotUS - But exceedingly frank
  • penelope - And the sentiment expressed was blue
  • Breadmaster - What is the meaning of this?
  • Last line recovery unit -

    There was a young lady from Venus
    Who discovered a thing which was heinous
    It was firm and quite stiff
    And on top was a quiff

  • Bigsmith - She exclaimed "Something has come between us!"
  • Continuity Recovery Unit -
    Breadmaster - What is the meaning of this?
    Chalky - You promised perpetual bliss
  • st dogmael - But your penis is tiny
  • Toby - And your voice is so whiny
  • snorgle - And you're constantly out on the piss!
  • the guy who draws the line -
  • Tuj - I once heard a fellow named Guy
  • Toby - Had set sail on the great Bering Sea
  • Angus Prune - He found that the boat
  • Raak - Smelled throughout of dead goat
  • Software - And the gunnels were filled with horse pee
  • penelope - What a charming impression it makes
  • st dogmael - When you stuff up your mouth full of cakes
  • Tuj - If you fall to the ground
  • Toby - And attempt to expound
  • Rosie - on aught but the Progress of Rakes.
  • ZK - On reading this website I find
  • widey - It quite tedious and unkind (but not really!!)
  • Angus Prune - And when you arrive
  • Software - The place is alive it is, it is!
  • Chalky - With the sound of the Crescenter's mind. ... except the BanterGame today :-(
  • rab - It's a year since this site went on-line
  • Raak - And we've all had a jolly fine time
  • Breadmaster - So please raise your glass
  • Rosie - Put a cork in your arse Sorry to lower the tone, but this is getting a bit smug.
  • Chalky - To say cheers, rab & Nik - it's just fine. [Rosie] Why apologise? FWIWIMHO - not smug, just right.
  • Chalky - A pat on the back is OK
  • Dujon - So long as we don't lose our way
  • Tina - Let's try not to boast
  • Bob the dog - Just nod to our host
  • Breadmaster - Without getting too over-gay.
  • the gay linesman -
  • snorgle - I am happy and clappy and gay!
  • plump - I am the new vicar, let us pray
  • Breadmaster - For it's said, love thy neighbour
  • Rosie - On the sabbath, don't labour No problem. Just getting up is bad enough.
  • Raak - And don't covet your friends' nuts in May.
  • Chalky - To begin a new week it is wise
  • Bigsmith - To slap a young wench on the thighs
  • Software - But not on her bum
  • Breadmaster - Or the back of her tongue
  • Kim - Lest you suffer an early demise!
  • penelope - Reportedly, I have been shot
  • Rosie - That's the press for you, is it not? Unless it's true, of course.
  • Chalky - The news story stated
  • Twiki - That I'd bifurcated
  • Kim - That Raak's implicated
  • Software - after Kim: in a complex and intricate plot
  • Kim - after Twiki: I'd ne'er bifurcated 'till now
  • Software - But in the future I will, that I vow
  • penelope - Till I chanced upon this magic cow bifurcating, natch
  • Chalky - I'll split an' I'll splice / Her twink-er-ling udders [bifurcating with a vengeance]
  • Raak - I'll chop and I'll dice / Quite gave me the shudders
  • CdM - Re-uniting? No way.../But her double cream's good...
    I'll allow
  • Tuj - I sat on the barstool, confused
  • penelope - Which way round the Med had I cruised?
  • Software - my head swum with gin
  • snorgle - And a hellish loud din
  • Raak - Why, oh why, had I never refused?
  • Chalky - In order to lose seven stone
  • Dujon - I gave our pet dog my thigh bone
  • ZK - And my head to the cat
  • widey - who was sprawled on the mat
  • Software - Now I'm lighter but can't use the phone
  • Kim - I broke my New Year's reolution
  • Kim -
  • Kim (ahem) - I broke my New Year's resolution
  • Chalky - And failed to give up prostitution
  • penelope - It's a lucrative game
  • Bob the dog - For a pantomime dame
  • Bigsmith - And does wonders for the constitution - accent on the "the". Sorry but I don't know how to draw the line (in html).
  • chalks - B'smith - nice one ... a simple < hr > without the spaces does the trick :-)
  • Thos - When I go to Luton I take
  • Chalky - A bottle of ready-soused hake
  • Software - A sandwich of spam
  • snorgle - A freshly killed lamb
  • Raak - And a herb-stuffed and roasted corncrake.
  • Bob the dog - I've just found a bat in my tea!
  • Software - But do I play cricket? Not me!
  • Thos - Though I have this box
  • penelope - It's storage for socks
  • Bigsmith - That's quite handy I'm sure you'll agree and now a drum-roll please...............
  • Me again - Wey hey!! Thanks once again Chalkers.
  • Bob the dog - I've just found an owl in my pint!
  • Toby - Can the pussy-cat be far behind?
  • widey - (tricky) or is it a scene in my mind
  • alley oop - Though the grog's made me blind (not such good form.)
  • Software - And my verse is quite blank you will find-t. There is no word in the English language that rhymes with pint, otherwise I am sure that the great Sir John Betjeman would surely have written about beer in Slough.
  • Running the line -
  • snorgle - I think's there's a man in my garden!
  • penelope - (In the suburbs of Henly in Arden)
  • Raak - Perhaps he's a gnome
  • Tina - I wish he'd go home
  • Chalky - 'Cause his stance is beginning to harden.
  • Chalky - teehee
  • Raak - The Grimblepritz lives in a cave
  • Kim - He does not know how to behave
  • Dazed5 - He once caused a fight
  • Twiki - Then used dynamite
  • Software - Instead of a razor to shave.
  • Raak - The Flubadub rubs on a tub
  • snorgle - Which comes from the hub of a sub
  • Bob the dog - But a bop with a mop
  • Software - And a fop who's a sop
  • Toby - Scrub mud with the grub from the club
  • Toby - blast!
  • ZK - I've just bought a cake in Dundee
  • Kim - I'm taking it home for my tea
  • Rosie - But Hamish and Dougal Oblig.?
  • ZK - Have been somewhat more frugal
  • widey - and boiled up a brew from old-wee (yuk)
  • Hold the Line - Duh-da-da-duhhh
  • Bigsmith - There was a young lady called Annie
  • Breadmaster - Who loved a good old Hootenaney
  • Software - While taking a dance
  • snorgle - She'd rip off her pants
  • Chalky - For a doh-si-doh with her Aunt Fanny.
  • snorgle - Now, fanny may mean many things
  • Rosie - For Yank and Brit different bell rings
  • penelope - The way that it parses
  • Software - In the US it's arses
  • Dazed5 - But whichever it is, it mings.sorry girls, don't mean it really, it just rhymed and made me laugh
  • widey - There once was a Turtle named Walter
  • Rosie - Who attended the Conference of Yalta Very long-lived, turtles, so probably still alive. But then, so am I. :-)
  • widey - with wit and with charm
  • Software - And the twist of an arm
  • Kim - He succeeded in annexing Malta.
  • st d - all above] BRAVO !
  • Chalky - I'll second that
  • Chalky - 'Tis a while since I posted a line
  • penelope - - been busy stealing the fog from the Tyne
  • Projoy - So why-aye, alreet
  • Rosie - man, leave us the sleet (Proj)You bin read'n' Viz again?
  • Yank - So we've got a reason to bitch and whine.♣
  • Yank - ÕÒÞ§¡ I forgot to add the hard return. ♣
  • Yank - There once was this fellow from Lund
  • Dazed5 - who embezzled his firm's pension fund
  • Brendan - He put large amounts
  • Chalky - Into offshore accounts oblig.
  • plump - And claimed it was the lottery he'ed just won'ed
  • st d - plump] OUCH!
    My offshore account on Madeira
  • Kim - Is filled to the rafters with Lira
  • Projoy - The int'rest is high
  • Rosie - I'm not quite sure why
  • Raak - Now I fear the pursuit of Megaera.
  • Projoy - A kidney that's doubled in size
  • Blunder - May give you a giant surprise,
  • Chalky - If you tighten your belt
  • Software - The squeeze will be felt
  • Blunder - Even after we’ve closed our flies.
  • Blunder - There once was a farmer named George,
  • Blunder - that was supposed to be the start of the next piece of art..... (how is that accomplished....? maybe a little sweet person can tell me one day?)
  • Chalky - I'm not a sweet little person but I'll tell you today. Follow this link ...
    http://mustela.phyast.pitt.edu/basichtml.html
  • Chalky - To be fair to the Spanish Armada
  • Twiki - They just needed to sail a bit harder
  • st dogmael - For the atlantic drift (its true i watched a tellie program an all)
  • dunno - May have tightened their rift
  • Blunder - Gee... thx Chalky I think I’ve got it! And they turned home again and got nada…
  • Blunder - There was once a farmer named George
  • snorgle - Whose cow,(name of Daisy), would gorge
  • Toby - On the best golden wheat
  • Tina - Then kick George in the seat
  • oegy - So he fit her custom shoes in his forge
  • Projoy - It's just ten and six in this style
  • Software - Tho' not many sold for a while
  • st dogmael - But if Sir likes it tighter
  • Raak - Or pinker, or whiter
  • Chalky - Our surgeon is quite versatile.
  • Kim - "I shall now make a lat'ral incision
  • Blunder - then a transversal cut with precision
  • CdM - Then carefully ... oooops
  • Projoy -
    I delve in the forests at night.
  • Chalky - In search of the rare woodland sprite
  • Raak - Is it here? Is it there?
  • Thos - I don't really care
  • Software - The pub's open,I'm off, nighty-night!
  • Drawing the line somwhere -
  • Projoy - Sagacity, some of the time, ...
  • Tina - can display itself as a good rhyme
  • Chalky - However, beware!
  • Kim - For knowledge is ne'er
  • Blunder - That Projoy committed a crime
  • Drawing the line here -
  • Blunder - When screwing make sure to turn right
  • Pooh - While gripping the screwdriver tight
  • Bigsmith - When banging a nail
  • Projoy - You are sure not to fail
  • ZK - Provided you do it at night.
  • Projoy - The truth is, your honour, I'm mad
  • snorgle - Which is why, in this kumquat I'm clad
  • Toby - So do, please, acquit me
  • Rosie - You see, it don't fit me
  • Bob the dog - It needs taking in just a tad.
  • Blunder - I’m so glad that we made it tonight,
  • Tuj - Although, to be fair, it weren't right
  • momus - We're both dressed in lace
  • Chalky - There's jam on your face
  • Projoy - And my trousers are really too tight
  • ZK - It hasn't upset me at all
  • plump - That autumn is also called fall
  • Blunder - After fall winter raises
  • penelope - No prospect of daisies
  • Bob the dog - And back to the start of it all.
  • Kim - I can see in my payslip today
  • Blunder - That tonite’ we’ll have stone soup with hay
  • Raak - But when I were a lad
  • Rosie - (I were told by me Dad)
  • penelope - We 'ad rhubarb wi' custard AND clay.
  • Kim - T'problem wi' t'youth of t'day
  • Blunder - They cannot spell and don’t want to pay
  • Tuj - For some government schemes
  • Angus Prune - Or Tony Blair's dreams
  • plump - So sod'em that's what I say
  • Rosie - There was a young lad from Calcutta
  • Raak - Who invented a new type of putta
  • Blunder - using Hindi technique
  • Milo - and a pelican beak
  • LotUS - He was swiftly denounced as a nutter
  • Breadmaster - So what do you make of this boil?
  • Blunder - I’d put in salt and add some oil,
  • Toby - But the bit that annoys so
  • pooh - Leaks a yummy pastry dough
  • dunno - ...buried 6 feet under top-soil.
  • Blunder - She said her name was SinnerElla (?),
  • Blunder too... - Drawing the line... here:
  • Blunder2 - She said her name was SinnerElla (?), (sorry, forgive a humble whoresman from the stable...)
  • penelope - She'd been familiar with this 'ere rich fella
  • momus - How cared not for the poor
  • pooh - e jes wanted to do 'er
  • Software - So they discretely retired t'cellar.
  • Kim - Ah've fergotton 'ow ter tork proper
  • penelope - And me grammar were coming a cropper
  • Software - Ah drops all me 'aitches
  • momus - But how Mr Henry replaces
  • Blunder - ...a Queens head by using a chopper? (maybe ‘enery the eight thought his wives talked too much?)
  • Blunder - ....long ago in a land far away,
  • Pooh - lived a sly beast by name of Foreplay
  • Software - What he did with his tongue
  • Blunder - Could replace a bad hung
  • Chalky - - over sentence which might go astray.
    Well Hello, Blunder et al - good game eh?
  • Impartial Observer - 9/10 for scansion.
  • penelope - It's not right, but we'll make do for now
  • Chalky - We'll stick to the guidelines somehow
  • Toby - But really, it's torture
  • Raak - And really, you oughtcher
  • Raak - Oops...
    And really, you oughtcher
  • Blunder - Convert from your voodooism to Tao? Hi Chalky et al. Nice site for nice people it seems (sofar!).
  • Blunder - "It’s the house-rule!", she said, and undressed,
  • Chalky - So the cop put her under arrest
  • Software - "You can't do that 'ere"
  • Thos - "Put on your brassiere"
  • Oegy - "You'll 'ave time fer all that at the inquest."
  • Oegy - :)
  • Oegy - He booked'er and tooked'er downtown
  • Blunder - In the backseat ha said: “Please cool down!” Hi Oegy, nice lines!
  • Software - She said, "But I'm hot."
  • Jenny - "And I notice you've got
  • Chalky - Your hosepipe caught in my nightgown".
    If the plural of moose is ... well, moose
  • Software - That's English - it's always quite loose
  • st dogmael - But mooses or meeces
  • Kim - Mongoose or mongeeses
  • Projoy - Try getting it right? What's the use?
  • Breadmaster - The teacher looked straight at the class.
  • Googolplex the Amazing Balancing Goat from Luxembourg - She said: "Now, if you don't pass,
  • Tuj - I'll take you outside
  • Chalky - And tan your backside oblig.
  • Oegy - Till I've took the shine off your brass. Hi Blunder ... thanx
  • Oegy - There once was a lascivious louse,
  • Falstaff - Who pursued a sweet tender titmouse
  • Blunder - “May I bite your left tit?”
  • Breadmaster - She giggled a bit
  • Raak - And said, "Not without showing more nous."
  • Chalky - There must be a way to ensure
  • Blunder - That lines contain wit, not manure
  • st dogmael - If there is we don't know it
  • Software - "Bugger, that's blown it"
  • Thos - So lets all rhyme "wit" with "ordure"
  • Blunder - (talking about farming…) A farmer once said to his milkmaid:
  • Raak - "Have you ever heard excellent filk played" Milkmaid??
  • Chalky - " It sounds pretty good" [yes, Blunder - if you're intending to swamp us with your contributions - it's considered non de rigeur to post a rhymeless word in here. ]
  • Toby - As a parody should I suppose there's always Marco Polo's job...
  • linesman was ‘ere - ...and me hayloft’s a good place to get laid…
  • Blunder (sorry to upset you guys ;-) - One iamb and these two anapaests,
  • Anna - felt lines could grow outo’ their chests,
  • Curly - they wrote lines, one good meter
  • Marc - two – three feet, and no cheater
  • Liza - Thanks for the lesson! Did all pass the tests?
  • st dogmael - A metrical system with feet ?
  • Projoy - Well, I'm close to admitting defeat I know it doesn't really matter and I shouldn't care and this is probably just projection over other stuff that's bothering me, but, for heaven's sake, the last one had only one scanning line.
  • Projoy - Sorry, I exaggerated. Two scanning lines.
  • Marc - Don’t give up, help is near!Here I've found some useful hints regarding Limericks: http://www.limericks.org/pentatette/whatis.htm
  • Raak - Let us raise a great cheer
  • Chalky - For a decent one when it's complete.
    *great cheer*
    Know what you're saying Projoy - and even though it shouldn't really matter [in the wider scheme of things], it kind of does matter. I am consoled by the evidence that all three limerick games invariably suffer phases of crappiness, but right themselves eventually.
  • Rosie - There were a young lad, like, from 'ull That's a capitalapostrophe, by the way.
  • Chalky - Who resembled a young herring gull
  • Anonymouse - Though his bill wasn’t red,
  • st dogmael - 'e 'ad nowt in 'is 'ead PJ] a quite justified outburst, imbued with a marvellous level of pathos.
  • Software - It's as well 'e 'ad a thick skull.
  • Toby - Pj] I sort of figure I haven't been around long enough around to get to express annoyance, and should just keep listening and watching and seeing how it's done... But when all someone would have to do is swap the word order, or leave out one modifer, to have a line that would work... Well, it seems disrespectful of the forum to not take the extra 10 seconds to make sure.
    But still, in the great scheme of things
  • Projoy - We must all learn to suffer the slings
  • Blunder - Don’t give up come what may
  • Breadmaster - For there will come a day
  • Marc - When some are Beggars and we are the Kings
  • Marc - There once was a girl who was single,
  • LotUS - And her toes, they always would tingle
  • Software - As she imagined her beau
  • Breadmaster - With fame, looks, and dough
  • Rosie - making all their naughty bits mingle. Disgraceful!
  • penelope - Why is it that windows can shatter
  • Software - And why is it women do chatter?
  • anonymouse - We should blame Billy Gates! This is an utterly serious matter! Linux may not be perfect either, but there's no big noise when it shatters ;-)
  • anothernonymouse - And all his rich mates!
  • Kim - This is an utterly serious matter! Sorry, couldn't resist.
  • anonymouse - There are some occasions, I’ve heard Kim, it's OK. 'twas supposed to be the second line but Software had more well-oiled keys and you are the smartest of us all I guess?
  • yetanothernonymouse - When someone assumes the absurd
  • Marc - Like: I’m here – I exist !
  • Raak - And I'm totally pissed!
  • Bed-wetter? - So sorry we are for what occurred.
  • Marc - Sir Leofric and Lady Godiva
  • Twiki - Well Leofic once tried to swive her First time medieval literature module has come in useful
  • Software - But her chastity belt
  • penelope - Was now was sorely felt
  • Kim - So he couldn't be a muff diver. I'll...just...
  • Kim - ....draw a line....
  • Ringwraith no. 5 - The trouble with eating in bed
  • penelope - Is that bedbugs demand to be fed
  • Software - And the crumbs in your bum
  • Chalky - Go all crusty then hum
  • Blunder - Let’s eat at the Waldorf instead.
  • Blunder - Her heart was as cold as an ice cube
  • Marc - And lips turned blue when kissing her left boob (o)(o)
  • Snodgrass - But the risk of Frost Bite
  • Breadmaster - When I clasped her so tight
  • anonymouse - ...think I’ll grease my lips with an anti-frost lube?
  • anonymouse - in those days when women were chaste,
  • Chalky - Men's romantic trust was misplaced
  • penelope - Years spent away on crusades rush the 'time spent' bit
  • Raak - Left at home merry maids [pen] Or just drop the "away"?
  • widey - who's lust was for thrust and not rust!
  • ZK - *calling in a "this doesn't rhyme" objection, although the line is v good...
  • : - ... just when things were beginning to look up. Tut.
  • Last one? - who's lust was for thrust, no time to waste!
  • anonymouse - I do my poofreading with MS-Word,
  • B. Gates (Marc really) - This is the best thing I’ve never herd !
  • Snodgrass - But if you want to Excell,
  • penelope - And to scan and perfectly spell
  • Software - Don't use spellcheck, use a dictionary instead! Some of Mr Gates' "suggestions" are laughable.
  • Kim - I will post no more lines to this site
  • anonymouse - Cause B Gates are dating me tonight
  • Googolplex the Amazing Balancing Goat from Luxembourg - But my syntax, I've found,
  • ZK - Are been messed around ;)
  • penelope - And my output are turning to sh*te OK then, it's back to the basics. Now people, pay attention...
    There once was a barmaid from Sale
  • Projoy - Who had lovely big jugs full of ale
  • Toby - She came to my table
  • anonymouse - And asked: Are you able…
  • Bob the dog - And that was the end of my tale.
    A good-natured nudist from Crew
  • penelope - Lost his sweater in Birmingham zoo
  • snorgle - He searched high and low
  • widey - but what he didn't know (my last effort did rhyme if you look at the first line, as it always does if you count in time...so yah boo sucks to ZK
  • Projoy - [widey] With respect, it didn't. "Chaste" and "rust" just don't rhyme. Feel free to elucidate if you feel they do.
  • Projoy - Was that it had been et - by a gnu
  • Chalky - I have a confession to make
  • Projoy - I just ate a seven-pound cake.
  • Chalky - I now weigh twelve stone
  • Dujon - Yet I'm still skin and bone!
  • anonymouse - cause all that I eat is just fake?
    Once the Bishop of Westminster Abbey
  • Chalky - the metre-maid
    The Bishop of Westminster Abbey
    Had a scandalous fling with a cabbie
  • syllable counter - Then His Holiness said:
  • Projoy - Eat my body, my bread
  • Projoy - (that should have been in quotes)
  • Tuj - "Go on, It's not all that flabby Where is that coat of mine?
  • Tuj -
  • Projoy - Three amphibrachs: feminine ending.
  • anonymouse - on hold for a Limerick pending
  • Rosie - judicious deployment (Projoy) There's me amphibrachs, matey; where are yours? :-)
  • anonymouse - delicious enjoyment..my favorite amphibrachs. Cheers all!
  • Projoy - [Rosie] - Ensuring avoiding offending
    [Rosie] There you go. I've often wondered whether you can only count whole words as feet or whether you can run over the barlines, so to speak. Is the first line above made of three amphibrachs, or a single syllable followed by two dactyls then a trochee? Perhaps there is no answer.
  • snorgle -
    These wierdos are speaking in Greek!
  • anonymouse - True Britons the baselines must seek! Me neither Greek nor Brit...
  • Rosie - Let's talk Anglo-Saxon (Projoy) I think you can run over the barlines, as you say, if the two words are part of a phrase but I think it would be stretching the definition to breaking point to call that first line 3 amphibrachs. One possibly i.e. "amphibrach" but I'm not sure where the stress lies. It's not in my Concise Oxford Dictionary 1964. Too bloody concise, obviously. :-)
  • Michael - Let’s rhyme that with huuh...... Jackson
  • Tuj - Now I talk and I look like a freak.
  • anonymouse - They met at the bar 'Lotus Flower',
  • Snodgrass - At the foot of Pisas leaning tower
  • Software - She sipped a Martini
  • snorgle - He showed her his "weeny"
  • Projoy - They both slipped away for a shower
    [Rosie] I think the word "amphibrach" is a dactyl, stress on the first syllable. I must admit (perhaps because of a musical sort of background) I'd never really considered the whole-phrases question in that light. In music it's 3/4 (or whatever) regardless of the lyrics fall. By that perception a limerick line is always three amphibrachs (or two and an iamb), whatever the enjambement. It's when you get into freer verse, like sonnets, that it gets really hard to judge. We had a discussion a while back about whether "Shall I compare thee to a Summer's day" is really five iambs, or (as your view suggests) a dactyl, spondee, anapest and iamb (or maybe choriamb, dactyl, antibacchius). Anyway, the only reason for posting on it was that I just found this, which is surely the most definitive list of metrical feet to be found on the web. Anyone for some double asclepiads?
  • We return you to your scheduled programme... -
  • Toby - So Crowley Deck's a Tarot-dactyl
  • anonymouse - Don’t ask me, I think they used butyl? (Toby, I don't get what you're aiming at, but in Greek mythology the Dactyls were a strange race of creatures associated with the goddess Cybele and they were believed to live on Mount Ida and invented the art of working metals into usable shapes with fire)
  • anonymouse (no line) - (And as this site seems to be a good place for education, here’s a little something to enlighten your tarot knowledge? http://www.bureau-13.com/crowleys_deck.html)
  • Toby - It's a pun. The phrase is a dactyl; I was aiming at dinosaurs.
    And there are things that rhyme with it.
  • anonymouse (sorry Toby....) - There once was a Tarotic Dino; Who courted a horny young Rhino; The made love for a week; And they danced cheek to cheek; After while came a Wine-Dine Bambino
  • penelope - What happened to The Back to Basics campaign? Were you not listening, Toby and anonymouse? Tsk,tsk.
    There was a bling-merchant from Slough
  • widey - who's only friend was a cow!
  • ZK - But he sold her for beans, *apologising for the slightly irregular metre*
  • Dujon - And you know what that means
  • anonymouse - He had to let Grandma pull the plough. So, we’re back to basics huh? Considering she’s just 90 and is eating like a horse it’s OK with me ;-)
  • anonymouse - There once was a preacher in Venice
  • widey - who had a big red engine called dennis
  • Marc - And he played with his toy
  • Chalky - allow me ...
    There once was a preacher in Venice
    Who had a red engine called 'Dennis'
    He played with his toy
    Bringing solace and joy
  • Software - As an arsonist he was a menace.
  • Projoy - Oh, show me the way to go home!
  • Kim - I tire and would fain go to bed
  • Projoy - [Kim] Or "to Rome", maybe? Or "v'dome"?
  • Marc (…back to basics?) - Cause I’m longing so for Jerome, We will meet in Kim’s bed hi Projoy, please carry on...
  • Rosie - for reasons best unsaid (Marc) As far as I know, Kim is a bloke, as I am too. :-)
  • anonymouse - (But let’s nail ‘im down at his tome;-) ... arn't we all blokes doing what we do right now??
  • anonymouse - There once was a man on the Moon
  • Raak - But no-one is going back soon
  • Toby - The cost was tremendous
  • Tuj - The locals horrendous
  • ZK - And the shops kept on shutting at noon.
  • ZK - I can't stand a woman who moans *female author get-out clause declared*
  • Breadmaster - And who nags, bickers, argues and drones *quickly getting out of the room declared*
  • Chalky - So when I have time
  • penelope - I will teach her to mime
  • barbacoa - And keep her away from the phones.
  • Rosie - There was a young lad from Madras
  • Dujon - Trained a rather intelligent ass     As one does.
  • anonymouse - It could mime and eat apples
  • momus - chew dildos, make fallefels
  • Marc - and prove theorems by Pythagoras (a square ass indeed!)
  • Marc - You sleep very well in Dundee
  • Raak - Unless stung on the nose by a bee
  • Software - But under your kilt oblig.
  • Rosie - is the source of your guilt Ooh, deep insight.
  • barbacoa - and that which thou useth to pee.
  • Linesman -
  • Uncle Korky - Whilst swimming with old Jacques Cousteau
  • anonymouse - I noticed black shadows below
  • Tuj - I pointed and said
  • Breadmaster - "I thought Blackbeard was dead!"
  • Marc - “But look out, cause he’s still on the show!”
  • Marc - She once got this funny idea
  • Raak - To make Humpty Dumpty a peer
  • Software - But dubbing his shell
  • penelope - Caused the poor egg to swell
  • ZK - And cracked up his lovely veneer.
  • Align -
  • penelope - In the grand scheme of things - on the whole,
  • Marc - We may soon end up in - a black hole,
  • anonymouse - On the road – let’s have fun!
  • Software - Before we become
  • CdM - Singularitarly out of control
  • Chalky - The tortuous path to nirvana
  • anonymouse - Is halituous using marijuana
  • Raak - [anonymouse] You have enriched my knowledge of English.
  • spliggo - To light up a spliff
  • Software - And crash out like this
  • anontmouse (no line) - [Raak]It is explained in OneLook (halituous=like breath; vaporous) and the line is supposed to mean that you end up as smoke instead of reaching nirvana if you are stupid enough to use that drug (please also note the attemt to get a double rhyme with line 1).
  • anonymouse (to reach nirvana ...) - You’d better turn left in Botswana?
  • anonymouse (back to base...) - She walked along Copacabana
  • ZK - masked by nought but a smoking Havana
  • Breadmaster - But when the wind blew
  • widey - up her dress flew!
  • Toby - some white-space here In a
    Clearly provocative manner.
  • Linesman - (revealed she’s a Fata Morgana?)
  • Chalky - In order to make a white sauce
  • Snodgrass - To compliment your favorite fish course
  • Tina - Take some butter and flour
  • Marc - Stir at least once an hour
  • Software - Then remove from the pan with brute force!
  • Projoy - Soft bran, taken three times a day,
  • Marc - For chick’s, to keep the cock away, ...birdie nam nam...
  • anonymouse - Little chicks that are fed
  • Marc - Little chicks in my bed....
  • Projoy - It'll fix all their ailments, hooray! [Marc] <mode="patronise"> line four scanned wonderfully, nearly there with line two ;-) </mode>
  • Projoy -
    Please look at my lovely new bladder!
  • Marc - A loan from my grandma’s puff adder,
  • LotUS - The large venom sac
  • Chalky - Can be strapped on my back
  • Bigsmith - And doubles-up as a nice ladder
  • Marc - My sting then may spit a big splatter (using rhyming license 2684, US-accent imitation, and [Bigsmith] "Age before beauty!" ;-)
  • Uncle Korky - (Which is banned at the Henley Regatta)
  • Projoy - [Marc] I believe the usual retort to "age before beauty" is "pearls before swine". :) Continuing from what I take is UK's second line of a limerick beginning with your last line...
    I must first get my coat
  • anonymouse - Then as ‘Korky’ we’ll float…
  • Software - As my world may suddenly shatter.
  • anonymouse - Red Baron chased this Sopwith Camel,
  • Marc - Steered his plane - one eye of enamel,
  • Chalky - One tooth of pure steel,
  • Projoy - And a screw-off left heel
  • CdM - Curse you!, you Teutonic trammel
  • Chalky - I'm itching to tell you my news!
  • CdM - Termites are eating the pews!
  • Dujon - The vicar's gone mad!
  • anonymouse - There’s nothing to add!...lots of !!! tonite...
  • Raak - Does all of this tend to bemuse?
  • Tuj - You know, I look forward to Monday
  • Raak - 'Cos it always comes right after Sunday (grabbing the only rhyme for "Monday" in the language...)
  • Chalky - Tho' Saturdays tend
  • Breadmaster - To mark the weed's end One epiphany after another, this one...
  • Breadmaster - Goddammit, "weeks's", you know I meant
  • Breadmaster - Oh, I give up.
  • anonymouse - ...let’s hope you are through before Friday?
  • anonymouse - They Samba a lot down in Rio,
  • Snodgrass - While driving in a Renault Clio
  • Toby - So when you cross the street
  • Blagmeister - Don't look at your feet
  • Rosie - Just do it all with style e con brio.
  • Marc - “I can’t dance but I’m yours!” she said,
  • Software - "But you'll find that I'm alright in bed"
  • Snodgrass - So under the duvet
  • penelope - We play games that two play taking the male voice for this line
  • Chalky - She came first past the post by a head.
  • Lurker - disgraceful!
  • Chalky - It's time for a nice cup of soup
  • Raak - Because everything else I throw up (Northern accent declared)
  • Marc - …unless whiskey you add… (any accent possible)
  • Kim - ...then you won't feel so bad (RP invoked)
  • Vexilla - Though it may cause a case of the droop.
  • The itinerant Linemaker -
  • Projoy - "The game," Sherlock said, "is afoot!"
  • ZK - "Let's follow these footprints of soot!" (It could happen)
  • Chalky - My dear Watson, however,
  • Toby - Not nearly so clever
  • Bigsmith - Quite ugly, and bald as a coot
  • Milo - There's a bloke that works in our office
  • Raak - Who says he's the author of Sophos (the virus)
  • anonymouse - He is bald but not bold
  • Software - and frankly looks old
  • Toby - But his code's not as vile as his cough is.
  • Tuj - Standing naked, on hill, with eyes closed
  • plump - Is not as much fun as supposed
  • Chalky - It gets rather chilly
  • Dujon - Around the old willy ... Yeah, I know - coat!
  • anonymouse - Not mentioning things unexposed....
  • anonymouse - She couldn’t resist what she saw,
  • Marc - The (shining) gold-tooth in his upper jaw,
  • Raak - The stainless steel hand
  • Software - his wooden leg and..
  • Chalky - .. his triumph in the Lotto™ draw.
  • Marc (..blushing..) - his hardwood dick without any flaw.alternative ending and line 4: one banger, tin canned?
  • Chalky - [Marc] are we supposed to applaud your lines 2, 4 & 5? :-)
  • Marc - [Chalky] no, they are submitted just as examples of lines that should be banned from a serious site like this and any mature person writing such should be ashamed! ;-)
  • Marc - There are times when it’s nice to be mean,
  • st dogmael - Mr Average, Joe Cool, Mr Clean
  • Kim - are all personal friends
  • Projoy - And we follow the trends
  • Blunder - Kicking ass, giving bruises bluish green. do you mean 'mean' or just 'mean'?
  • Blunder - Now soon it is time for the Harley,
  • ZK - Said my friend, dear old, old Jacob Marley, indirect statement sloppily invoked
  • oeg - He first got a TATTOO
  • plump - His Hells Angels membership came through
  • Breadmaster - So he downed a brewed barrel of barley. [plump] Don't let Penelope see that line...
  • Marc - There once was a Jackalope hunter,
  • Linesman -
    There once was a Jackalope hunter,
  • ZK - Who took on a post as a punter. Argh! No pun intended!
  • Projoy - He punted his boat
  • Chalky - To an island remote
  • anonymouse - And hoisted a wild Jackass Gunter
  • anonymouse - Some sailors get wet when they're sailing,
  • CdM - Some whalers get wet when they're whaling
  • snorgle - But me and my crew
  • Bigsmith - Get seasick, and we spew
  • Raak - And don't bother to lean o'er the railing
  • penelope - That last one made me laugh out loud
  • Chalky - And banished my gloomy black cloud ... me too :-)
  • Toby - So rejoice and be merry
  • Software - And toast it with perry
  • oeg - For being so comicly endowed†
  • just lining up... -
  • Chalky - My spirits have taken a dive
  • penelope - ; My sandwich of onion and chive unfini...
  • Projoy - Has thrown itself off
  • Marc - As it forced me to cough
  • Rosie - up all over this 'orrible dive.
  • Projoy - Preventative measures exist
  • Raak - To stop you from getting too pissed
  • anonymouse - Use a plug or a bag ....
  • Software - Or the missus will nag
  • Rosie - but don't become misogynist. With suitable syncopation.
  • anonymouse - There once was a spy in the Whitehall,
  • Breadmaster - Who slipped all the mandarins Nytol
  • Projoy - While they were abed
  • CdM - She sneaked in and read
  • momus - Diatribes by Nicholas Whitchall
  • Projoy -
    That's not what a hoover is for! (just watched Belleville Rendez-vous)
  • Projoy - Er, <hr>
  • penelope - It's supposed to be used on the floor!
  • Projoy - That's not what a hoover is for! (just watched Belleville Rendez-vous)
  • anonymouse (aiming at line 3?) - It can suck, it can blow,
  • penelope - *Uses nail scissors on the knot in the loop of the space-time continuum*
  • The Time Lord - Ouch!
  • Projoy - That's not what a hoover is for!
  • Penelope - It's supposed to be used on the floor!
  • anonymouse - It can suck, it can blow,
  • Breadmaster - And in case you don't know
  • Projoy - Cannot love, but so what? vive l'amour
    (sorry for the multipost - it sprang upon me)
  • Toby - The conductor put down his baton
  • Projoy - And eyed the bassoon, who had spat on... attacca (unfino sentenza)
  • Puckoon - the Trumpeters notes...
  • Raak - , the piccolist's stoats,
  • rab - and the third oboe's dad, Derek Hatton.
  • Chalky - [T,PJ,P,R,r] Bravo!
  • anonymouse - It is not necessarily true,
  • Toby - But this apprroximation will do
  • Twiki - That pi is defined
  • Chalky - By two hearts entwined
  • snorgle - Round Rolf Harris, and a didgeridoo
  • Chalky - My hickory dickory dock
  • anonymouse - Got caught in the old Vicars jock
  • Software - -strap, quite by chance
  • Bigsmith - As I made an advance
  • Tuj - And that's why I'm now in the dock
  • ZK - You'll never get me on a train
  • Chalky - I've no courage, no heart, nor no brain [Oz declared]
  • anonymouse - I’ll just sit here and wait
  • Dujon - With the scarecrow as bait
  • Toby - For the witch to come by with her plane.
  • Marc - She felt that her implants escaped,
  • plump - And became a crusader(caped)
  • Software - Her rampant enhancement
  • Bigsmith - Improved the advancement
  • penelope - But her rearguard was not so well shaped.
  • Projoy - Syntactical tactics like these
  • Chalky - Methodologic'ly ease
  • Bigsmith - Lexicographer's tricks
  • Software - keen semantics
  • anonymouse - Impractical praxis will squeeze?
  • anonymouse - There once was a Caveman in Soho,
  • Bigsmith - Who bought Aerosmith's "Honkin' on Bobo",
  • Lisa - Then he hid in his cave
  • [Bigsmith] - (There are a few better rhymes for Soho I'm sure)
  • Projoy - For a rock music rave [Lisa] Go on then, now's your chance... :)
  • (Notornis Mantelli) - And made a wall painting of his Moho...girls!
  • anonymouse - Last night at the ‘Mad Vicar’s’ Pub,
  • plump - Known for good spirits and poor grub
  • Software - I supped on my beer careful to avoid the dreaded pint rhyme.
  • snorgle - Then felt rather queer
  • Marc - And went to the Vicar to get a good rub. strange pub indeed?
  • Marc - make sure that you live! (just in case…)
  • anonymouse - we too oft forget in the daily race
  • Software - to earn us a crust
  • Projoy - Or do what we must
  • penelope - To compete in the dawn-to-dusk race
  • Projoy - They framed the U.S. constitution
  • anonymouse - And box'd the Chinese revolution.....who?
  • Software - But now, just for gays
  • penelope - They're counting the days
  • CdM - To marriages of dissolution
  • ZK - I've a friend who lives out in Taiwan
  • anonymouse - Who's a great great grandson of Genghis Khan
  • Chalky - His main occupation [an'ymouse] one less 'great' would be great :-)
  • Tuj - At Waterloo Station
  • anonymouse - At the ‘Ladies’ as a standin’ Don Juan. [Chalky] You are right, but for sure he then would have been dead a long time ago, now (really: great great great great ..... grandson) there’s a chance he can still be at service ;-)
  • anonymouse - The fat ugly Vicar of Brunswick,
  • Marc - Got stuck as he tested his new trick
  • Software - of sawing in half
  • Snodgrass - Some poor girl in a scarf
  • Puckoon - and a mouse with a strange nervous tick.
  • Sir Joseph Bazalgette - I built the Embankment for drains
  • Minnie Banister - but now they've gone and stuck trains
  • The Wichita Lineman - underground, I might add
  • Projoy - Cut and cover's quite mad!
  • anonymouse - It’s time now to restart the brains.
  • anonymouse - Whenever you meet the grim reaper,
  • penelope - Ask if he knows someone cheaper
  • Projoy - For the business of death
  • Marc - As described in Macbeth ...nice topic a sunny Monday morning
  • Chalky - Doth cost when the dagger's plunged deeper.
  • Chalky - Contingency plans have been made
  • Uncle Korky - To protect our stash of lemonade
  • Projoy - From life's depredations
  • Bigsmith - And thirsty Alsations
  • Rosie - but it's gone, all in vain, I'm afraid.
  • Projoy - Clear the decks, light the lights, take a bow! (to rhyme with "how")
  • Thos - And dress as Jack Hargreaves from How
  • Puckoon - but let's "Out Of Town"
  • Snodgrass - Discard the ball gown
  • Darren - And quote from "Apocalypse Now"
  • anonymouse - I have heard there’s a ghost in Hyde Park,
  • Tuj - Who perpertrates crimes after dark
  • Darren - For instance, it lifts
  • Puckoon - all the prizes and gifts
  • Sir Joseph Bazalgette - and feeds them all to a shark.
  • CdM - Clear the decks, light the lights, take a bow! (to rhyme with "show")
  • anonymouse - Cause tonight they rehearse the echo show
  • Marc - In the middle they will fiddle (not to rhyme with fiddle!)
  • Software - Hey, diddle, diddle
  • penelope - At the end, they will shout 'Hello!'.... 'Hello!'
  • Darren - Clear the decks, light the lights, walk the plank
  • anonymouse - Load the guns, hoist the sails, get a spank
  • Software - Shout "hello sailor"
  • Uncle Korky - To the next passing whaler
  • Marc - Then unload in next port at the sperm bank? (ever heard of sperm whales?)
  • Marc - There once was a whaler from Wales,
  • Software - Who told many sea-faring tales
  • Raak - About living on blubber
  • Rosie - and dressing in rubber (Marc) Ever heard of scansion?
  • anonymouse - While chopping the tails of the whales [Rosie] maybe we all need a lecture?
  • anonymouse - There once grew a Rose in this garden
  • Darren - Which, treated too roughly, would harden
  • Software - With thorns thick and sharp
  • Raak - And a tough pericarp
  • snorgle - He'd prickle, till you begged his pardon
  • Darren - The strange things which float in a bath
  • widey - Do somtimes, make me giggle and laugh
  • anonymouse - Like my pink rubber duck
  • Kim - And the layer of muck
  • Marc - Simple tracks ‘long our primrose path
  • snorgle - The snow is all turning to slush
  • Marc - And spring is approaching, with rush
  • Breadmaster - Now the pollen count soars
  • Projoy - And those pro-Winter bores :P
  • Software - Will shut up and give us some hush!
  • Rosie - While making a nice cup of tea Must be getting old. (Projoy) Too right! On uk.sci.weather (a newsgroup) you can almost hear the sound of toys being thrown out of prams when the snow melts, or doesn't arrive in the first place. :-(
  • Marc - I reached for the 'oil' to my knee
  • Darren - Which, swollen and red,
  • Raak - Suppurated and bled
  • anonymouse - So I ’oiled’ the inside of me! Tea and rum is a great lubri-hic’-ant!
  • anonymouse - There once was a Limerick forger
  • Breadmaster - Who tried to rhyme "Lucretia Borgia"
  • Tuj - The result, he found
  • snorgle - Will forever astound
  • plump - The folk of Atlanta Georgia
  • Darren - When directing traffic, beware
  • John Spellar MP, Minister for transport - Try connecting me with, a prayer
  • Puckoon - John Sellar once said, challenge excepted
  • anonymouse - No traffic in bed!
  • Projoy - Cause it's naughty directing it there!
  • Projoy - The lies I have told in my time
  • Rosie - In pursuit of an end so sublime
  • widey - That I now laugh and gloat
  • ZK - And endlessly quote
  • plump - How I bought Microsoft for a dime
  • Marc - There once was a horny old moose, Good (monday)morning all!
  • Software - Who'd do anything, just for a goose
  • Puckoon - but his quests for a duck...
  • Kim - met with naught but a cluck
  • Uncle Korky - From a rather alarmed plat-y-pus.
  • smiling line - nice one :-)
  • Chalky - Today I am going to try
  • Breadmaster - To greet everyone with a lie
  • Kim - It'll be such a whopper
  • anonymouse - You won’t see it’s improper
  • Darren - It's "My, you look nice, oh my my!"
  • Projoy - I have just seen a long Chinese play
  • Chalky - It lasted three weeks and a day
  • rab - Now my bum is so sore
  • Puckoon - but I slept through one third
  • Puckoon - bugger siml-posts strikes again...
    I really should have wore
  • anonymouse - Pink knickers and my fat butt toupee? what do I know, I wasn’t even there!
  • anonymouse - There once was a Chinese Chinese, (may one use the same word as adjective and as a noun?? Confucius would approve I’m sure!)
  • Projoy - Who consumed chinese fleas with his peas
  • ZK - Which was fiendish, because
  • Snodgrass - just by sweeping the floors
  • Marc - He filled up his spring rolls with ease.
  • Darren - There once was a strange type of fly
  • Chalky - Which zipped down from shoulder to thigh
  • Kim - Revealing a torso
  • anonymouse - With no front, nor verso (sorry for the crappy rhyming)
  • Puckoon - a very strange insect, by and by. Naff I know but so what...
  • Projoy - King Klaus can reclaim his old crown
  • widey - and he did with a scowl and a frown
  • Software - Unlike ol' King cole
  • Snodgrass - Who just toyed wiyth his bowl
  • ZK - And enjoyed a good party in town!
  • ZK - Begorrah, 'tis St. Paddy's day! No offence to the Irish intended
  • snorgle - (My apologies for the cli-shay)
  • ZK - There'll be drinking of Guinness Might as well kepp it going :)
  • Marc - There’ll be puking and illness (sorry!)
  • Raak - And a hangover for all of next day.
  • ZK - It's David's Day down here in Wales Really.
  • Software - I bought my calendar, cheap in the sales
  • Uncle Korky - And I'm flying my flag
  • Darren - Lest my fervour should sag
  • Marc - I’ll fix it firm with a couple of nails? Ymddiheurwn am unrhyw anghyfleustra y mae hyn yn ei achosi.
  • Linesman (We apologise for any inconvenience caused) -
  • Marc - She shivered when his hand touched her knee
  • Snodgrass - Then recovered and quoted her fee
  • Projoy - Which was four sticks of rock
  • Uncle Korky - and an old carriage clock
  • snorgle - Three badgers and twenty-five pee
  • Rosie - While whisking up Angel Delight (Marc) Ardderchog yw hwnna (Excellent, that). Phrasebook?
  • Darren - I gave all the angels a fright
  • penelope - By souring the mix
  • Chalky - With two pheasant chicks [eeuw!]
  • Marc - And all had to take the next flight. [Rosie] No phrasebook, pure chance! (http://www.llgc.org.uk/)
  • Marc - There once was a chaste girl who said:
  • Software - " I want to be chased into bed"
  • Raak - "Then chased up the aisle"
  • Uncle Korky - "(But chased with some style)"
  • Projoy - "And, if not, chased with ardour instead"
  • anonymouse - A man's got to do, what his woman says,
  • Chalky - Let's replay that in the correct rhythm as it's a first line ..
    a'mouse - A man does what his woman says
    Chalky - When his heart and his loins are ablaze
  • linin' up again -
  • anonymouse - A man's got to do, what his woman says, ...please take it from here again, thx...
  • Chalky - Whenever his heart and, his loins are ablaze
  • all - It cuts down on trouble
  • Projoy - But leaves behind stubble [anonymouse/Chalky] I think the line does scan if you treat "woman says" as a feminine rhyme ("A man's got to do what his woman says", rather after the manner of "A marvellous bird is the pelican.
  • Projoy - But it does mean players have to find something to rhyme with "woman says", which is arguably a bit of a mean challenge to set... as there aren't many rhymes for "woman" or "says".
  • Chalky - anonymouse - if I'd wanted to post an 11- syllable line in a Limerick I would have done so and stretched even beyond sonnet metre. If you're offended then I apologise - helpful limer-rhythm hints have long been a feature of these games ... honest!
  • Chalky - And then he will need a sharp raze -or
  • Chalky - In order to drive out the blues
  • Marc - Lets order a vodka and juice We all must allow for the rule of 'cy pres'! (alternative ending on previous masterpieace, mening we must try doing our best, also pacing our fellow poets
  • Chalky - I'll start again then .. and I promise to do my very very best
    Chalky - It's high time you all went to see
  • Marc - The next pub, all drinks are on me! Sorry, my keyboard made an unexpected move ;-). My comment should have read: previous masterpeace (sic!), meaning we must all try doing our best, including pacing
  • penelope - For the barmaid's tattoos unfini...
  • Raak - Show two jugs full of booze
  • Darren - And she'll let you taste them for free!
  • Chalky - In order to drive out the blues re-entering...
  • Marc - Let's order a Vodka and juice
  • Puckoon - four pints of Old Scrotum,
  • anonymouse - one shot antidotum
  • Tuj - Nothing but sobriety to lose
  • Breadmaster - Napoleon said to his men
  • anonymouse - ”Don’t march like a newly screwed hen!” (sorry, maybe my translation is not exact...?)
  • KH - "You must march upright"
  • Darren - "And only at night"
  • plump - "And cluck when I tell you when."
  • ZK - Who my new doctor is, I don't know,
  • Darren - But nonetheless I'll boldly show
  • ZK - Where my problems lie Or should that be 'how'?
  • anonymouse - Whether low or high
  • Projoy - For its either my eye or my toe
    Subtract the first number you thought of
  • Darren - And you will get zero, or sort of
  • anonymouse - Then add what is left
  • Raak - With algebra deft
  • Rosie - This defeats your average plus-four toff.
  • Projoy - The youth of the heart, and the dew
  • Marc - Has left my back wet, déjà vu? Hi Projoy, nice line! http://sniff.numachi.com/~rickheit/dtrad/pages/tiYOUTHART.html
  • Darren - And old age shall dry
  • penelope - The spit on my thigh The orange gore-tex please...
  • Software - As maturity changes one's view
  • Projoy - Collating statistical data
  • Raak - Concerning spontaneous stigmata
  • Darren - Is what I do best
  • penelope - Dressed in just pants and vest Beg pardon. I've used the line before, but it's a favourite.
  • Chalky - And my fee is just barely pro rata
  • ZK - In day-glo bikini and shoes Warnings against drinking Lucozade at this time in the morning
  • ZK - Mrs Thatcher began to peruse Sorry, couldn't resist it
  • Software - A bazaar in Bangcock
  • widey - where she had the key for a lock
  • Uncle Korky - To unleash a large herd of gnus
  • Breadmaster - Ted Heath was renowned for his views
  • Raak - To express which he'd never refuse
  • Projoy - Took no sinecure up
  • Rosie - with his keenness on Europe (Projoy) Is this what you were looking for? Happy to oblige. :-)
  • Darren - And that is the end of the news.
  • anonymouse - one bright Sunday morning in May
  • Darren - I heard Edward Heath try to say
  • Projoy - "Oi! Get off my face!" [Rosie] Yes, much obliged to you. :)
  • Puckoon - "I'm trying to race!"
  • Marc - “Before you find out that I’m gay!”
  • Marc - An MP once said to his wife:
  • Uncle Korky - "I will not do 'This Is Your Life'!
  • Software - But next day in the Sun
  • Raak - On page number 1
  • Darren - "My childhood was rough" claims were rife
  • Tuj - Is hist'ry repeating itself?
  • anonymouse - By getting all news off the shelf ?
  • Darren - Again and again?
  • widey - it all seems the same!
  • Marc - All gone is our News Fairy Elf? (... if she ever existed?)
  • Marc - There once was a virgin in Brest
  • Darren - Whose secret was hid 'neath a vest
  • Kim - She never removed it
  • Snodgrass - But there was s surfeit
  • Software - Of hair, so she covered her chest.
  • Kim - I met with a man in a tent
  • Snodgrass - In the garden of England, or Kent
  • Rosie - But the Medway's in spate
  • Raak - And he may become late (As in, "the late Arthur Dent".)
  • anonymouse - Cause I noticed his wiener was bent
  • anonymouse - I’m sure that I’ve lived once before
  • Projoy - For circa ten years and three score
  • Puckoon - t'was the life of a monk
  • Rosie - To such depths had I sunk
  • CdM - -- Reincarnation is really a bore!
  • Breadmaster - My brain is beginning to hurt
  • anonymouse - As soon as I look up a skirt
  • Marc - While I lie on the floor
  • Software - 'cos from there you see more
  • Darren - I'm the most extreme kind of flirt.
  • Projoy - Can I get fifty kilos of cheese?
  • penelope - In my handbag? I can if I squeeze
  • anonymouse - Add twelve boxes of wine ...party time?
  • Chalky - A large 'Party' sign ... oh yes!
  • Darren - And thus make a trap for John Cleese
  • Projoy - Go on - do your funniest walk!
  • rab - The one where you make like a stork
  • Darren - And bring in a baby.
  • anonymouse - Or make one? (well, maybe....)
  • widey - or is it no action and all talk!.
  • Projoy -
    Don't ply me with gifts and strong drink!
  • Raak - They impede my ability to think!
  • anonymouse - That I’m witty and wise!
  • penelope - And I have slender thighs
  • Darren - And alcohol makes my breath stink.
  • anonymouse - We're one hour late and we’re free!
  • penelope - We defected from old B.S.T
  • Projoy - Now the evenings are lighter [pen] GMT, shurely?
  • Marc - And our future seems brighter
  • Software - So why can't we stick with C.E.T?
  • Chalky - When something just doesn't make sense
  • Kim - It's best not to get too intense
  • Projoy - Say "La la, don't care!"
  • Marc - Or say a li’l prayer?
  • Software - It's much better to sit on the fence.
  • Projoy - Few things leave me sadder than this:
  • penelope - It's too long since I last had a kiss :o(
  • Rosie - and it's not halitosis Perish the thought!
  • Breadmaster - Or unflattering clotheses
  • Darren - I guess Cupid's arrow did miss.
  • Projoy - A miss is as good as a mile
  • Raak - A wink is as good as a smile
  • CdM - But a mink is as good
  • adam - As a corduroy hood
  • anonymouse - And far more elegant in style.
  • Marc - There once was a miss dressed in mink
  • Software - Beneath, she wore lingerie, pink
  • Tina - . She wore sandals of teak
  • Chalky - On her face, a false beak
  • Uncle Korky - And a carrot where no-one would think!
  • anonymouse - There once was a parrot named Jack (Good line Uncle!)
  • Snodgrass - And the toughest of nuts he would crack
  • Rosie - But he swore like a trooper or schoolgirls on the top of a bus
  • Tina - , was a real party pooper
  • Darren - And was rough with the chicks in the sack.
  • Marc - Beware, cause soon it’s April fools day
  • Software - And tricks upon you they will play
  • Raak - Putting salt in your tea
  • Darren - Playing reverse MC
  • Tuj - And telling your mother you're gay
    Not that I'm planning anything...
  • Snodgrass - Its fun to get back at your mate
  • Darren - And set him up with a blind date
  • adam - Who is genuinely blind
  • Marc - And hopefully don’t mind
  • Projoy - Going halves on whatever you ate
    I sense that I came here before
  • anonymouse - And hope you forgive and ignore
  • Uncle Korky - My latest faux pas
  • adam - When I called your mama
  • penelope - A nag and quite frankly, a bore
  • Rosie - There once was a fellow called Eric
  • Snodgrass - A really exceptional cleric
  • Tuj - He had just one vice
  • Jojo - He was frightened by mice
  • anonymouse - So he ate them and that is barbaric ! (says anony-mouse!)
  • Marc - A ravishing woman in need
  • rab - Is something to treasure indeed
  • Software - But no mere hussy
  • Snodgrass - Would ere be so fussy
  • Uncle Korky - 'bout choosing with whom she should breed! Coat!!!
  • Darren - A secret held by Michael Grade
  • anonymouse - A drink that makes old maidens laid: http://www.expressmedia.co.uk/malcrfl/grade.htm
  • Marc - Try with Baileys, it works
  • Breadmaster - And one of the perks
  • Projoy - Is you're paid if you sprayed when she's splayed
    I have time for the old BBC
  • Darren - And, yet, it has no time for me
  • antiknees - Disillusioned by Hutton,
  • barbacoa - I'll push the 'OFF' button,
  • widey - and then explode in a fit of joy and glee!!
  • Darren -
    The great thing about Channel 4
  • barbacoa - Is you know that you've seen it before And now on Channel Four...Friends....
  • Marc - This is Global, you know! ... not only Channel 4, also Chanel 5!
  • Bigsmith - And our favourite show
  • Software - Will be screened several times more
  • ZK - When sick, ill or poorly, one should
  • anonymouse - Get hold of a quarter, one could?
  • Darren - Whatever that means
  • Raak - In hot fever dreams
  • plump - Be a fraction more to the good
  • Chalky - When faced with a barrage of lies
  • Projoy - And attempts to pull wool o'er my eyes
  • st dogmael - I'll start screaming, in Welsh
  • Darren - And then loudly belch
  • Kim - "Mae hi wedi cachi arna i"s!"
  • Darren - The languages spoken in Wales
  • Projoy - , As one pulls from ones eyes certain scales,
  • Chalky - Seem quite out of tune
  • penelope - With 'Au Clair de la Lune
  • Marc - Though singing when telling Welch tales
  • Marc - His name was Llywelyn the Last
  • Software - And he spoke in Welsh - very fast
  • Kim - His demise, it was gory
  • st dogmael - But it made a great story
  • Darren - With choruses sung by the cast.
  • Graham III - His last name, 'tis true, was Llewellyn
  • Projoy - He was known as a renegade felon
  • Chalky - 'though Polish by birth
  • widey - he lived on Welsh earth
  • Marc - Ball kicking, but loves honey melon (o)(o) ! Gareth or Chris Llewellyn?
  • Marc - She played with his balls every night ...new ball game...?
  • Software - Even tho' her interest was slight
  • Tuj - But she found that the perks
  • Golfe - Of sleeping with berks
  • Darren - Made playing with balls quite all right.
  • Projoy - The sock hops I hold in my shed
  • anonymouse - Has made all my neighbours see red
  • Darren - There's blood up the walls
  • widey - and stains on my balls!
  • plump - Next time I will make them co-ed
  • anonymouse - He was told by his dear Uncle Andy:
  • Tuj - "My boy, I am feeling quite randy"
  • Projoy - He ran off with a cry
  • Darren - When I bit his thigh
  • citizen kane - Cause he feared I was after his candy.
  • oops! -
  • Projoy - In search of a drink alcoholic
  • Raak - To make my pet terrapin frolic
  • Chalky - I chancéd upon
  • Darren - Spiked tea from Ceylon
  • Rosie - For which all claims are quite hyperbolic. Worth a try, though, I'm sure. :-) (Chalky) V. classy!
  • Breadmaster - These stories are utterly false
  • Marc - I’ve heard from the rear of the horse false rhyme warning!
  • Rosie - They're a load of manure (Marc) Yeah, difficult, but there is a rhyme for "false", which I'm saving for line 5, unless someone else gets there first.
  • anonymouse - And their rhythm unsure though somewhat dancing, Rosie?
  • Darren - It sounds like a hesitant waltz.
  • Rosie - The night-clubs of old Budapest (anonymouse, Darren) through which flows the Blue Danube, of course.:-)
  • Uncle Korky - Won't let anyone in in a vest
  • Breadmaster - The dress code's so strict
  • anonymouse - And guests are handpicked
  • Raak - But once in, you can then get undressed.
  • Darren - The most famous thing about York (that last one was great!)
  • KH - Was his monstrous penchant for 'pork' (Prince Andrew, Duke of York, and whichever form of pork you fancy)
  • Rosie - But he fell on his sword
  • Tuj - Whene'er he was bored
  • anonymouse - And then stabbed his fat rear with a fork
  • anonymouse - One morning they'd breakfast in bed,
  • Raak - The next they would play being dead
  • KH - On the third, they'd be silly
  • Chalky - By smearing hot chili
  • Marc - all over, including his head. Hot stuff!
  • Marc - There once was a woman who wrote:
  • Uncle Korky - "You can't beat good sex with a goat.
  • Bigsmith - "The foreplay's not great,
  • plump - But the horn is first rate
  • Projoy - (Hang on while I go get my coat)
    although there were a few inviting alternative rhymes if anyone wants to take another shot at that line...
  • Line-al Blair -
  • KH - A dancer named Lionel Blair
  • Chalky - Had a secret and torrid affair
  • Raak - With Samantha and Sven
  • Snodgrass - And Bills randy Ben
  • Darren - It broke up 'cos they wouldn't share
  • widey - There once was a dwarf named Bertie
  • Blunder - Whose thoughts was not great, mere dirty
  • Darren - His grammar was poor
  • anonymouse - His mind so impure ;-)
  • Chalky - Girls puked when he tried to get flirty
  • Tuj - I've found, by experimenting
  • KH - That good beer is made by fermenting
  • Tina - hops and pork chops,
  • snorgle - Old, used heads of mops
  • Rosie - but I did work for Watneys. (Repenting).
  • CdM - Barkeep! A pint of Red Barrel! [T,K,T,s,R] Excellent.
  • penelope - For my hot new date, Colin Farrell! ;o)
  • Marc - Make that four pints for me, ...it's monday morn...
  • KH - (That'll sure make me wee!)
  • Thos - And some waterproof under-apparel
  • penelope - Would my underwear put out a fire?
  • anonymouse - Said Marion to Tuck, the Gray Friar,
  • Software - My incontinence pants
  • Raak - Are alive with red ants
  • KH - And held up with telephone wire
    A Telephone Line...
  • Tina - Whilst sitting in a nest of red ants
  • anonymouse - He hoped she would take off her pants
  • Software - But her circumspection
  • st dogmael - Killed off his erection
  • penelope - And put paid to to her hopes for infants
  • Bob the dog - Bravo all above!
    An odd-looking cowgirl named Wendy
  • st dogmael - Had legs that wer 'specially bendy (don't fight it)
  • Uncle Korky - Astride a large horse
  • Bigsmith - She performed intercourse
  • anonymouse - With a cowboy undressed very trendy.
  • anonymouse - There once was a horse in the nude
  • Snodgrass - Who lived in a field near to Bude
  • widey - He frolicked all day
  • kane - In a meadow of hay
  • Marc - Tap dancing all day in good mood. ( "In the Mood"? http://www.budejazzfestival.co.uk/ )
  • Marc - The stompers are grouping in Bude,
  • Marc - Then tap danced each night in good mood! -
    The stompers are grouping in Bude,..sorry, my mind was already there...
  • Darren - The things they are doing are lewd
  • Uncle Korky - with a muted trombone
  • Software - and an old mobile 'phone
  • Tuj - It's a wonder they've never been sued
  • anonymouse - I’m off for vacation today
  • Dujon - Meaning all of you should say 'Hooray'
  • Marc - Cause we’re free to work hard
  • Chalky - With little regard ... just who is writing this lim now? you? me? all of you? we? they?
  • Raak - For what pointy-haired bosses might say.
  • Kim - I've just had a bitch of a day (I'm sorry, but I really have....)
  • Chalky - So please, someone, lead me astray
  • Darren - I yearn to be kinky
  • Tuj - SLip into something slinky
  • widey - and bang away on my Bishop, okay!!.
  • just linin' up -
  • Marc - The Bishop looked down and then said:
  • Snodgrass - Just what is that lying in my bed?
  • Software - The actress replied
  • penelope - "It can't be denied,"
  • Breadmaster - "Now put your mitre back onto your head."
  • Marc (cont'd) - ”Your Holiness this is too much!" ...interesting subject...?
  • Uncle Korky - "I'm trying to watch Starsky & Hutch"
  • Rosie - "Your bishop, you bash it"
  • Software - "It's mine, it's an asset!"
  • Rosie - "Just keep it away from my crutch!"
  • Tuj - He raised his finger and said
  • Chalky - "This digit is made out of bread"
  • Breadmaster - "If you're sceptical, suck it"
  • plump - I did, then threw up in a bucket
  • KH - And that's how I ended up dead. Obligatory really!
  • Ocean liner -
  • anonymouse - She greased him in balm of Gilead
  • Marc - Then nibbled his earlobes indeed
  • Breadmaster - But the cedars of Lebanon "eed"?
  • st doggerel - Rose 'round them both,(skip beat) tall and strong "But the cedars of Lebanon" ?
  • Rosie - To climb them would need all the will 'e 'ad It rhymes. It scans, more or less.
  • Darren - One reason for hiding in cedars
  • Chalky - Seems to have escaped Guardian readers ... well rescued Rosie
  • Kim - But the Times' editorial Inviting obvious rhyme
  • Software - Is more lavatorial hook, line & sinker
  • Marc - With paper so soft, quoting our leaders. ..imagine Tony Blair on the loo…
  • st dogmael - As a limerick line this isn't particularly good
  • Snodgrass - But who says it has to scan all the time Dude
  • CAMREL -
  • Marc - There once was a sweet little nun Sorry st dog, trying at the best of my ability. What about you?
  • st dogmael - Gorged herself on a HUGE sticky bun i am just trying, marc.
  • Chalky - Her wimple exploded
  • Uncle Korky - Her corsets eroded
  • Software - For penance, ten thousand "Hail Mary's", now run.
  • Chalky - This flattery might turn my head
  • anonymouse - Keep on and my face will turn red ...from choking?
  • Tuj - I'd rather you went
  • Raak - To a Chinaman's tent
  • Marc - And screw up all the sheets in his bed Turning heads and screwing, ...it’s not Friday yet!
  • Chinaman (Marc really) - Last year was the year of the whores ...as the Chinaman said...
  • Breadmaster - I can tell you, that opened some doors
  • Software - Of brothels, mayhap?
  • penelope - (For some lucky chap)
  • antiknees - Who tasted temptation live ne'er before
  • linesman -
    There once was a girl in Hong Kong
  • Marc - Who rode on her (w)horse all night long ..obligatory...?
  • Tina - When daytime would break,
  • Software - Her backside would ache
  • Darren - Because she'd been riding all wrong.
  • KH - What sort of riding was she doing? ...coat time I think...
  • Raak - What sort of verse are you pursuing?
  • Darren - It's not quite a limerick
  • Software - Never mind, we'll give it a lick
  • Tina - And know good writing we're eschewing.
  • Express Line -
  • widey - Cheese is nice but it can smell quite bad....
  • Marc - Like the Black-Belted Stilton I once had…
  • Software - It walked to my plate
  • Kim - Its blue eyes filled with hate
  • Darren - And said, "You're a terrible cad."
    A penguin can make a good pet
  • Uncle Korky - Except that it won't see the vet
  • Rosie - Appetite voracious Cost you a bomb in fish.
  • Bigsmith - Oh yes, goodness gracious
  • anonymouse - The shit will cause trouble you bet!
  • anonymouse - Her penguin loved drinks ‘on the rocks’
  • penelope - And quaffed them, in slippers and socks
  • Darren - He liked, more than most,
  • KH - Champagne, and would toast
  • Rosie - Antarctica! a land he now mocks.
  • widey - There once was a Boxer named Stu
  • anonymouse - Who’d swept many floors, quite a few
  • Darren - He polished and scrubbed
  • KH - So much, he was dubbed
  • Stu the Floor Sweeper - And then swept ‘cross the floor by Baloo http://www.njboxinghof.org/cgi-bin/henryseehof.pl?73
  • anonymouse - there once was a mailbox quite red
  • Darren - Its owner was someone who said:
  • penelope - "Penny stamps cost a pound,"
  • Rosie - "there's inflation around,"
  • blamelewis - I'll just send an email instead
  • Diamond - Sorry! :(
  • Diamond - Once a copper with a huge scabby nose
  • anonymouse - Danced the Tango with a lass with no clothes
  • Tina - Said the lass to the copper,
  • Marc - Treat me nice... but improper,
  • KH - And I'll lend you my best pantie-hose.
  • KH - Is it proper to finish and start?
  • Uncle Korky - Is it right to set fire to a fart?
  • Rosie - Done both in my time
  • Darren - But now, in my prime,
  • Tuj - I'll just sit and tuck into this tart
  • Puckoon - This tart tastes awful you know.
  • Marc - But it's good enough in a face to throw....?
  • Darren - It's messed up my grammar
  • plump - P-plays havoc w-with my st-stammer
  • Breadmaster - And makes terrible rumblings below.
  • penelope - Give me ALL of your chocolate cake
  • Raak - Or I'll poke out your eyes with this stake
  • Tuj - It may sound extreme
  • anonymouse - That I love cake and cream
  • Darren - And use violence to get what I take.
  • Rosie - The charm of the Icelandic sagas
  • widey - are great but they drive me Banana's
  • Bigsmith - Think of Noggin the Nog
  • Marc - Or Hoggin the Hog? (never ‘eard of ‘im though)
  • penelope - While you sit eating cod round your agas
    Widey... 'Bananas' to rhyme with 'Sagas'??? AND witha greengrocer's apostrophe? Come ON!! And Bigsmith - if you ain't heard of it and had to invent it, why put it in? There was lots of opportunity for a realistic and genuine rhyme there. Pffft. It's obvious I have Quality Issues but I'll get off my high horse now. By the way - did you know the Icelandic grow their own bananas and mangos in glasshouses on the SW coast, heated by geothermal springs?
  • Bigsmith - Wha'd'I do?!
  • Marc - She teasingly said with a smile: hi penelope and thanks, 'making waves' will hopefully help us all lifting ourselves to a higher level (if possible ;-)
  • Breadmaster - "What you're doing is utterly vile" I think Penelope meant to chide Marc rather than Bigsmith. However, "bananas" (correctly punctuated) is in my opinion a perfect rhyme for both "sagas" and "agas", unless you're American.
  • Software - "Please put it away"
  • Dazed5 - "Without further delay"
  • KH - "For its size, it just isn't worthwhile!"
  • Chalky - A Lim'rick without any chat
  • Darren - Is better than chewing the fat
  • Tuj - But the temptation's there [pen] So that's just one greengrocer then... Apostrophes aren't easy to use flippantly!
  • penelope - To leave the line bare [Tuj] I don't like to prostitute myself around several greengrocers, doncha know!!
  • Tuj - But everyone frowns upon that [pen] Come and see how the other half live our lives...
  • Tina - Whilst waiting for water to boil,
  • widey - after a very long day of toil
  • anonymouse - We just sit by the fire
  • Marc - Planning soon to retire
  • Raak - To a bath with some lavender oil.
  • Darren - It is better not to discuss
  • Chalky - The state of Anne Widdecombe's truss
  • Software - or John Prescott's pants
  • Uncle Korky - or Tony Blair's stance
  • KH - Or the route of the 43 bus.
  • Raak - 'Tis thrice thrice thrice thrice thirty days
  • Snodgrass - Since I last made her eyes go all glazed
  • Tuj - When I put the pear
  • adam - In the orifice where
  • Projoy - There's a gap in the midst of her stays
  • Darren - When I go digging in the road
  • anonytoad - If lucky, sometimes I find a toad (?)
  • Raak - Who teaches me scansion
  • Anna - and limerick tension
  • Rosie - But rhyme is too hard to be know'd.
  • KH - The story of the Piltdown Man
  • adam - Is hidden unknown in this flan
  • Chalky - Just one tiny bite
  • anonymouse - Turned out to be right
  • Marc - The fact he had no pension plan
  • Marc - ”Some day I’ll return!”, said his wife
  • Software - Said he: "Yeah! Not on your life!"
  • Darren - "You're only an ant"
  • Snodgrass - And your humour is scant
  • Rosie - and your farts I could cut with a knife.
  • CdM - There once was a man from East Fife (wife, knife and life all barred)
  • Dujon - Where strange prohibitions are rife
  • widey - But some are allowed!
  • Minsiter for overseas invasions - Like Flogging a crowd??
  • anonymouse - And banning three words in our strife???
  • anonymouse - There once was a man in Key West
  • Raak - Who wore a spectacular vest
  • Marc - Sort of bloomy with flowers
  • Software - arbours and bowers How's the toothy-peg, Rosie?
  • Darren - Which, unwashed, did not smell the best.
  • Marc - There once was a hole in the ground (e.g. http://pineapple.homestead.com/Musa.html)
  • Darren - From which came an unspeakable sound
  • Software - It sounded a bit
  • Raak - Simulposted, rats. You have just been saved from It went "grbthlkqtrrkpsqwlm"
  • CdM - Like "grbthlkqtrrkpsqwlm", and it
  • Chalky - Was uttered with menace profound. ... scary stuff
    Chalky - once had to witness the birth
  • : - buggeration .... I'll start again
    Chalky - I once had to witness the birth
  • widey - Of triplets from a mum full of mirth!
  • Minister for overseas invasions - she pushed and she squirmed
  • Raak - And grimaced and gurned
  • Rosie - and she now has a much smaller girth. As one does.
  • KH - Giving birth is a hard way to diet
  • widey - as not many mums are compliant
  • anonymouse - Though they foreplay a lot…..
  • Software - Shelling a tot
  • Marc - Then eat as to feed a huge Giant hm... I’ll make no remarks, I’ll keep quiet!
  • Marc - There once was a man with a bike,
  • Dazed5 - Who managed the Penge Spud-U-Like
  • Uncle Korky - He'd deliver hot tatties
  • Snodgrass - Turn clients into fatties
  • KH - 'Til all of them looked quite alike
  • Tuj - I once went to play with an eel
  • widey - but mistook it for a bull seal
  • Darren - I threw a big ball
  • anonymouse - on the eel it did fall
  • Marc - Then bounced to the seal – No big deal?
  • Marc - There once was a girl who could drive
  • Bigsmith - The third green using wood number five
  • Raak - But when she started putting
  • Software - Her partner was tutting
  • KH - It's a wonder that he's still alive!
  • Chalky - I've just spent a cool thousand quid
  • Raak - On a barrel of rum-flavoured squid
  • Bigsmith - It tastes quite disgusting
  • Tuj - Last time I'll be trusting
  • ZK - That cockney-ish twat next door, Sid!
  • ZK - There's a man down our way who sells beer
  • Snodgrass - Just walked of the end of a Pier
  • anonymouse - You have one – then pee three
  • Chalky - Go swim before tea [ZK - last line above ....fab!]
  • Darren - And know that your drowning is near.
  • anonymouse - ”Keep swimmin’”, she said to her child
  • Tina - . "I'll teach you to git yer Mum riled!"
  • Puckoon - But the kid replied "Pish!"
  • Dujon - "I'll do what I wish"
  • Little Mermaid (Marc really) - “Like you, at my age, running wild!”
  • Marc - “What’s that standing up?” said the Blonde,
  • Chalky - As she dangled her toes in the pond
  • KH - "It looks very silly"
  • Darren - As she kicked at a lily
  • Blonde - ”The bloomers I gave you, James Bond!” You never know the imaginative logics by Blondes…
  • Blonde - A virgin once stood on a hill http://www.crystalinks.com/glastonburytor.html
  • Raak - And pranced naked by moonlight until
  • Uncle Korky - The dew-dampened grass
  • Darren - Saw this come to pass:
  • Marc - She lost what she had, with great thrill ....and now it's all gone!
  • Marc - A virgin once said to her mother:
  • Malcolm XXX - I wish that I had a big brother
  • Darren - Because he could beat
  • Raak - A Bach fugue with his feet
  • Uncle Korky - Whilst I try to whistle another
  • The Onedin Line -
  • ZK - I've been at the coconut oil Almost made a very embarrassing typo!
  • KH - It sootheth my skin and my boil
  • plump - But my palms and my soles
  • Darren - Are as red as hot coals
  • Chalky - Since from the oil they didst recoil
    Chalky - Have courage! Be brave and stay strong
  • ZK - You won't be stuck here for too long
  • Dujon - There's a train on the way
  • anonymouse - Will arrive end of May
  • Software - Singing the Thomas the Tank Engine song!
  • Tuj - Screwing the last screw on the plaque
  • anonymouse - Fasten it better than using tack
  • Software - The brass bits will shine
  • Raak - If rubbed with red wine
  • Chalky - , fresh garlic and damp bladderwrack. *phew*
  • Chalky - Take notice of what teachers teach
  • Tuj - However, when old preachers preach
  • KH - You can blithely ignore
  • anonymouse - Leaning back (please don’t snore!)
  • Darren - On your own private pew made of beech.
  • ZK - I've been stuck in here for a week
  • Snodgrass - With a Spangle stuck to my cheek.... to those too yound to remember Spangles were boiled sweets.
  • nights - It's beginning to burn - I remember them being chewy...
  • Marc - Both afront and astern
  • Chalky - And my hormones are starting to leak. Spangles? Boiled fruit sweet, surely?
  • Software - Opal Fruits, Sharp's Toffees and Spangles
  • Raak - Flared trousers, the Beatles, and bangles
  • Darren - Are things I keep hid
  • Snodgrass - When I was a kid (oblig)
  • Marc - We never had such – we'd chew rubbles
  • Marc - She said underneath she was nude
  • Software - I said, "Don't tell me, I'm a prude!"
  • Darren - But she had the pictures
  • penelope - Which had her in strictures
  • KH - To see these, lots of men, they had queued.
  • Chalky - It's sweet and it's made out of string
  • Uncle Korky - But I'm sorry - it's just not my thing
  • Darren - Instead, I use plastic
  • nights - It's rather fantastic!
  • Marc - Please wait, a new hanger I’ll bring.
  • Marc - She once was so sweet I’ve been told
  • Software - Which made her quite sticky to hold
  • Kim - The more that I licked,
  • Raak - The more that she kicked
  • Uncle Korky - And she bucked and she squirmed and she rolled. Mine's the mac, please.
  • Linus -
  • Darren - The day I dug up an old jar
  • snorgle - I found I was richer by far
  • Raak - When I rubbed it, a genie
  • KH - Appeared with a weenie for our U.S. readers
  • anonymouse - All covered in feathers and tar
  • anonymouse - “Oh gosh what is this?” said my wife,
  • snorgle - My draw-ers with kittens are rife!
  • Marc - “So I’m off to the store,”
  • penelope - To get rid of some more!
  • Software - I said: "It'd be quicker by knife!" door...
  • Chalky - The pride of all London's at stake
  • Marc - All based on a common mistake:
  • Kim - "The Olympics make money"
  • Darren - And "Ben Elton's funny"
  • Software - And the system of transport will break.
  • Marc - She thought for a while and then said:
  • Uncle Korky - "The voices are back in my head."
  • Chalky - She then clobbered Marc [who seems to be fixated by 'she']
  • Software - (It's the ol' monthly lark!) ducks to avoid the Chalkwhip.
  • Marc - And dragged him back home to her bed. ..where she mended his now swollen head!
  • Raak - There once was a nun from Tibet
  • Uncle Korky - Who took an old yak to the vet
  • LotUS - The prognosis was grim
  • Darren - They castrated him
  • ZK - Though the yak hasn't been seen to yet.
  • anonymouse - There once was a miss from Montana
  • KH - Who wore a most striking bandana
  • Darren - Its colour suggested
  • Chalky - Her hair was infested
  • Rosie - in a most disagreeable manner.
  • Darren - There once was a man with a big
  • ZK - - I'm sorry! I meant to say brig -
  • Ye olde gong farmer - that's a goal, to the wise Jail, Goal, Brig, Prison.
  • Marc - First he lives – then he dies(?) ...my summerhouse is called The Brig cause once there lived an old inmate...
  • anonymouse - My Brig has a two-masted rig. ...how did we navigate to arrive here…?
  • anonymouse - He sailed ‘round the world with no stop,
  • widey - in a boat, he bought from a shop?????
  • Darren - However, a leak [widey] Bold text please
  • Snodgrass - And a worrying squeak
  • Robin - Meant the trip, on the whole, was a flop.
  • Chalky - Keep it simple, it seems to work well
  • Raak - Said a greybeard who lived in a dell
  • anonymouse - Just like me and my goat
  • Marc - We’re not rocking the boat
  • penelope - But we're making a terrible smell
  • Kim - The words of this terrible song
  • Software - Are meaningless, dire, just wrong
  • Snodgrass - If only Jonathon King
  • Scansion Police - The words of this terrible song
    Are meaningless, dire, and just wrong
    If Jonathon King
    carry on...
  • Pervert Spelling Police - JonathAn
  • penelope - Had played less with the thing I'm safe saying this with so many police about, eh?
  • anonymouse police - He’d written for leather and thong.
    The words of this terrible song
    Are meaningless, dire, and wrong
    And if Jonathan King
    Had played less with his thing
    He’d finished it not before long
  • Marc - There once was a Lim’rick Police
  • Projoy - Who gave orders to sist and decease
  • Darren - But he came unstuck
  • KH - His apostrophe
  • KH - damn - simulpost. After you Darren...
  • anonymouse - …when hit by a ----(wrooom)--Truck---->
    [KH - you were also hit I guess ?]
  • Software - And the correction brings no real relief.
  • Kim - A frenchman, by name Apostrophe
  • Projoy - Had daughters called Fifi and Sophie - assuming he was meant to be "Apostrophe"
  • anonymouse - Really charming damsels
  • Anna - Loved to kiss their dick-cissels
    A sparrow-like bird (Spiza Americana) native to southern Ontario
  • KH - And a chap by the name of Annan, Kofi
    A line of the times
  • Chalky - That last one didn't quite work :-) - never mind, tomorrow's another day ...

    If questioned, I don't give a damn

  • Tuj - What the menu says; just give me spam!
  • widey - and eggs with fries
  • ZK - and what six fifty buys
  • Marc - Including one pint and a giant Dram. (... Cheers all!)
  • Marc - It seemed as he’d slept in his suite,
  • KH - He sure wasn't tidy or neat [Marc - did you mean 'suit' I wonder?]
  • Marc - ...sure KH, it was that huge Dram causing my keyboard to slip... sorry ;-)
    ...then maybe you would like to rhyme otherwise?
    It seemed as he’d slept in his suit
    He sure wasn't tidy nor cute
  • Projoy - But somehow he charmed
  • Darren - All those that he harmed
  • antiknees - With a whack from his oversized feet / With a jig on his badly tuned flute
  • antiknees - P.S. antiknees is ashamed of his unemboldened text. he blames ignorance.
  • Tuj - Antiknees is forgiven...
    ...this time
    "Look here" he said, with a grin
  • widey - as he flashed at the girl in the gym
  • Darren - His camera was bright [antiknees] For help with your bold quest, look here: http://mustela.phyast.pitt.edu/basichtml.html
  • Marc - It's love at first sight
  • Arnold S - Please watch how I’ve trained my fifth Limb! …he took the next flight to Berlin…?
  • Fiddler - One night as she played her Violin
  • Software - Something went "twang" deep within
  • penelope - "It's my G-string!" she thought loadsa rhymes 'ere... take your pick!
  • Darren - "The one I just bought"
  • Kim - "From that flea market back in Berlin."
  • KH - She was bored, so moved up to a harp
  • Fiddler - Cause her chin had been formed kind of sharp(...by squeezing the fiddle)
  • Darren - The harp cut it flat
  • widey - forming a gap!
  • Widey - you're a brat! - The blood sounded 'Splat'; And she gasped her new gap like a carp.
  • Fiddler - There once was a party in Lerwick
  • anonymouse - With whiskey, beer and grilled Slippery Dick
  • JLE - DAMMIT. Why can't people come up with things that even *approximately* rhyme and scan? I seem to remember that "Lerwick" rhymes with words like "Eric" and "hysteric", not to mention place names like "Berwick". "Slippery Dick" is never going to be a rhyme, not even if you put the stress completely wrongly on the "er" of "slippery".

    Sorry about the rant, but I just also read the truly terrible ending by one or two Wideys to the previous one, in which again all scansion, rhyme and sense were completely lost... You can get away with perhaps mildly stretching *one* of rhyme, scansion, sense and stresses on the correct syllable of the word, but not more than that - for instance, you can't ask for the stress on the completely wrong syllable of "slippery" to make a rhyme *and* interpolate an extra syllable into the rhyme (an "-erick" sound with an "-eridick") at the same time, especially not while already having to stress the completely wrong word earlier in the line (in this case the "and"). It just doesn't make sense. Not only is Willie Rushton swirling in his urn, the rest of the ISIHAC team would be doing the same or turning in their graves if they were in fact dead.

    Rant ends.

    Fiddler - There once was a party in Lerwick and let's try again properly this time...
  • JLE - Where I started to go quite hysteric adding a second line that actually works...
  • Darren - I threw a full glass
  • Watty - erm, I hate to break in here, especially since I completely agree with JLE, but Lerwick is pronounced Ler-wik, not Lerrik. Sorry and all that.
  • Rosie - It hit some bird's arse (Watty) Yep, it's Lur-wick. But JLE is dead right. Some of this stuff is truly awful, considering that this site is not a chatroom for spotty herberts. You can't be witty all the time, but at least you can play in tune, so to speak. Nnnnngh!
  • plump - I had to hide from her quick
  • Halt rant -
  • Fiddler - Obviously there are as many opinions of what are correct (wittiest or most exact or what?) Limerick rhyme and meter as there are contributors to this marvellous site. Let’s all face this and let us continue to do our very best in our mutual efforts to have fun and to, eventually, create the most perfect Limerick that has ever been seen!
    There once was a party in Lerwick
    Where things started go quite hysteric
    I threw a full glass
    It hit some bird's arse
    All night then her bottom I’d to lick
    Sorry to interrupt your harsh mood but anyway…
  • Fiddler - ...my humble effort to give the 'Lerwick'-one a happy ending is way out of tune!
    Let him without wit cast first line, http://www.ajokes.com/jokes/845.html
  • Darren - The lack of wit can be a sign Let's not descend into more scansion wars. The way I see it is, if you're getting annoyed by one game, then just play another instead. That's what I do these days.
  • LotUS - of mind now far gone
  • Projoy - With a nice butter'd scone ;-) - I'm on the fence about this one. Scansion wars definitely suck, but although there are a lot of opinions about what makes a good limerick, that doesn't mean there is no convergence, and that all conventions can safely be ignored. IMO, a good limerick is a successful interplay between form, coherence and humour - it's not necessary for all to be perfect and sometimes the one or the other takes precedence, but if all three are weak, why bother? And while it's true players can just look the other way for a while if the quality descends below their personal threshold, sometimes that means witty people don't bother to post any more and the enjoyment of the whole community can degrade a bit.
  • Tuj - Definitely with Porojoy on this one, as I've often found myself substituting a less witty line for one that remotely scans, or even (horrors!) moving on without posting, which some seem loathe to do. Oh, and Rosie's point on "Spotty Herberts" is superb!
    But the nurses all say I'll be fine
  • Projoy - The courage to lurk and not post
  • Fiddler - Is managed quite swift by the most ...the cowards who lurk....?
  • Darren - Disgusting of beasts
  • Chalky - (namely Jesuit priests) [Rosie] 'chatroom for spotty herberts' Love it :-)
  • Rosie - who fear naught but the Holy Ghost. (Chalky, Tuj) You're very kind. I had thought the term might date me, but it seems to live on. :-)
  • Fiddler - There once was a world with no oil
  • Marc - No more could farmers till their soil Hi all! You've been very busy this weekend!
  • Software - With tractors but horses
  • Projoy - Applied all their forces
  • Raak - To replace it with all day long toil.
  • Rosie - Tomorrow's the Transit of Venus
  • Raak - To miss it would really be heinous
  • Software - From where I am standing
  • Darren - I can see the branding
  • Marc - A good tan I'll get as a bonus
  • Marc - There once was a girl with no luck
  • Snodgrass - Although she was not short of pluck almost oblig
  • Software - So she'd stand on the street Where will this lead...?
  • Kim - and the men she did meet
  • Breadmaster - Would find themselves short of a buck.
  • Kim - I'm pressing the button marked "Panic"
  • Darren - Because the last verse was Satanic
  • Raak - They've issued a fatwa
  • Rosie - I'll be boiled in a vat. Waah! Not easy, that, Raak.
  • Raak - [Rosie] Poetic necessity, I'm afraid.
  • Thrax - Oh, Heavens! It's made me quite manic.
  • Thrax - I once knew a lady from China. Help yerselves.
  • Fiddler - In swearing she trained her Hill Myna
  • Thrax - This most vocal bird
  • Tuj - Could quote Richard the Third
  • Darren - I've not seen a rendition finer.
  • Thrax - Having partaken of a wee tipple. Yep, it's the same ploy as before.
  • Rosie - an event that makes barely a ripple So you tell me. :-)
  • Darren - I like to find girls
  • Fiddler - With cute little curls Really!
  • Marc - Then try to get hold of a free nipple. …shame on you Darren!
  • Marc - There once was a girl, oh so daring!
  • Software - With dresses much flesh she was baring
  • Raak - Her gossamer thong
  • penelope - To put on, took too long
  • Rosie - so certain parts got a good airing.
  • Thrax - At school I was most fond of Rugger Yep, still employing the same shameless tactic I'm afraid.
  • Tuj - I earnt the nickname of "Tugger" [Thrax] Oh yes indeed!
  • Raak - When deep in the scrum
  • LotUS - I'd never be glum
  • Marc - With my nose in the arse of ‘Fart Slugger”.
  • Marcsman - There once was a snobbish old fart
  • Software - Who married a stuck-up young tart
  • Breadmaster - But at the reception
  • Kim - her clever deception
  • Rosie - convinced them she was all heart.
  • Projoy - Some clams, that were quite indiscreet,
  • Darren - Would swap naughty jokes about feet
  • Software - The toes they'd call smelly
  • Chalky - belonged to Grace Kelly
  • ZK - ,And Ginger, in "Follow the Fleet".
  • Tuj - I felt that I started to wilt
  • penelope - The moment I looked up his kilt Sorry, sorry, sorry. It had to be done.
  • Darren - Beneath, was a mob
  • Marc - And the gay pooftah Bob,
  • Uncle Korky - Who'd immersed it, right up to the hilt Coat!
  • penelope - That was worse than I ever feared it would be. Shame on you all.
    It came to me, all in a flash
  • Kim - A new way to make mountains of cash
  • Marc McDangle - Now my pimp I will call, (simulposted:That Scots, underneath, has a ‘lash’)
  • Software - He can shove it all
  • Thrax - where the Customs men look for his stash. Ouch.
  • Thrax - Oh, bugger. Forgot:

  • Darren - A trick you can do for your friends
  • snorgle - Involves unbelievable bends
  • Thrax - And if properly mastered, I'm gonna force one o' you into an expletive if if it's the last thing I do!
  • Rosie - by someone not plastered, Zounds! He would provoke profanity, the boundah.
  • Fiddler - You never will know how it ends.
  • Fiddler - There once was a maiden in Ealing
  • Rosie - So tall she could head-butt the ceiling.
  • Thrax - And thus she would duck, Indeed, Rosie.
  • Raak - And make her back ruck
  • Breadmaster - Till her spine had lost all sense of feeling. Non-obscene limerick achieved!
  • Darren - Each morning, at half past the hour,
  • penelope - I make pancakes from eggs, milk and flour
  • Raak - I give them a toss
  • Rosie - thus causing their loss
  • Snagandorf - And till noontime the floors shall i scour.
  • Snodgrass - Well would you believe it, those French
  • Marc - Woke up while we slept on the bench
  • Software - In just a minute
  • Bigsmith - They managed to win it
  • Tuj - But our thirst for revenge we will quench
    Hopefully this tournament, not something pathetic like Olympic shooting or somesuch!
  • widey - Alas two-one down but not out
  • Darren - Of Portugal yet; there's no doubt
  • Marc - As a Swede I am proud! 5-0 against Bulgaria!
  • Snodgrass - But lets hope the crowd
  • Software - Will behave lest we get flung out!
  • Raak - This "football" of which you all speak
  • penelope - Is to my ears, sad to, say, all Greek.
  • Darren - I know it involves fighting
  • Fiddler - Kicking butts and some biting
  • Uncle Korky - And is likely to go on all week.
  • Software - A week of Des Lyneham's too much!
  • widey - but better than soaps out of touch!
  • Darren - But still, we'll ban sport.
  • Marc - Instead we will cavort !
  • pat - hello?
  • sam - hi pat
  • spam - And skip (in your bed?) Double Dutch
  • Marc linesman -
    Last night as she went to her bed,
  • Raak - Jade Goody thought hard and then said:
  • Breadmaster - "Now, I ain't usually frugal"
  • Darren - "But I sleep with Dougal"
  • Bigsmith - "Whilst Hamish is locked in the shed"
  • Tuj - "Insert Strap B into Slot C"
  • widey - I did, with smiles and with glee
  • Kim - But Tab A fell apart
  • Snagandorf - Now I must restart
  • Fiddler - From D and I’ll follow plan B.
  • Fiddler - She’ll sail in a while with the tide, all aboard?
  • Bosun - Shipshape, and her crew: Watch their pride!
  • st dogmael - Its so painful to think
  • Bigsmith - Of the fearful stink
  • Software - As the crew throw up o'er the side
  • Raak - I must have a triple espresso!
  • Deek - Mocha, latte, frapachino
  • Software - My caffine is low
  • penelope - (Macchiato to go)
  • Fiddler - And I’ll have a huge Curacao! http://www.curacaoliqueur.com/pages/recipes.htm
  • Fiddler - He said, “Well it’s Irish for me”,
  • KH - As we seem to be hooked on coffee
  • widey - and strong beer and fags
  • Darren - Are used by old hags
  • KH - It helps the complexion, you see.
  • Marc - There once was an Angel in Hell, Heavens Devils?
  • Software - Who calomine lotion did sell
  • Snodgrass - For skin that is burning
  • Rosie - , cryogenically yearning
  • Darren - For some sort of Freeze Spray as well.
  • KH - It seems that all cars sport a flag
  • Dujon - Or remains of an old washing rag
  • Tuj - They've all got a red cross
  • Darren - But who gives a toss?
  • Fiddler - The ghost of General Braxton Bragg? Defeated by Grant in the battle of Chattanooga (1817-1876)
  • Fiddler - There once was a Cho in Chattanooga,
  • Rosie - whose favourite confection was nougat. Steam engines can burn anything. :-)
  • KH - It got all hot and sticky
  • Marc - And looked a little tricky
  • Uncle Korky - But it still ran as fast as a cougar.
  • Deek - It always rains for Wimbledon
  • Raak - So ladies keep your wimple on.
  • Raak - It's raining on Centre Court 1
  • Tuj - Our great sporting summer's begun!
  • Kim - Still, the Roo did us proud
  • Darren - But screamed very loud
  • Deek - When he that Martina had won
  • Line Judge - When he HEARD that Martina had won?
  • Bigsmith - There was a young fellow called Rooney
  • Tuj - Whose ears were stuck on by a loony
  • Darren - His skull was quite hollow
  • KH - So when he went to swallow
  • Snodgrass - The head rush made him go quite swoony
  • linesman -
  • penelope - Oh, finish my marmalade, please!
  • Software - I now have a preference for peas
  • Raak - I eat them with honey
  • Snodgrass - Which makes them taste funny Oblig. Sorry Mr Belloc
  • Tuj - But don't shoot out my mouth if I sneeze Not oblig. Sorry everyone!
  • Raak - I shall die all alone in my bed
  • KH - With a postage stamp stuck to my head
  • penelope - Waiting for the Holy Ghost :o)
  • Darren - Who I like the most
  • Software - But I'll settle for St Peter instead. Backs away waving incense and making sign of the cross, etc, etc...
  • Fiddler - I’ve run out of my e-mailing stamps,
  • Chalky - And who stole my cut-and-paste clamps?
  • Darren - And where's my click wand?
  • penelope - (of which I am fond)
  • Uncle Korky - . My Recycle Bin - raided by tramps!
  • widey - Oh dear, Oh dear, Oh dear
  • Dujon - My undies have washed o'er the weir
  • Snodgrass - And now they've got tangled
  • Rosie - in a device so new-fangled
  • Software - that provides endless glasses of beer.
  • Angus Prune - Tim has got through to the quarters
  • Tuj - Will there be an opponent he slaughters? ...ever? Nope, do it the hard way please!
  • Darren - Perhaps it's Sir Cliff
  • Software - (He with the quiff)
  • plump - And a penchant for railway porters
  • Chalky - I have a confession to make
  • Rosie - The prospect of which makes me quake What can this be?
  • Raak - I'm really your mother
  • Software - 'Tho I look like your brother
  • Kim - and these 38D's are quite fake.
  • penelope - [C, R, R, S, K] Disturbing. Oh well. Moving quickly on...
    Why can't we have kippers for tea?
  • Software - Freshly plucked direct from the sea?
  • Raak - Paint them brown (BFK) (BFK = Brown For Kippers, a standard colouring ingredient.)
  • Bigsmith - Serve with bread on a tray
  • Angus Prune - Don't hog them - leave plenty for me!
  • Angus Prune - And
  • ZK - A rumour is going around
  • CdM - That Dubya said something profound
  • Rosie - It's just propaganda
  • Snodgrass - But it does make you wonder
  • Tuj - If his feet are almost on the ground... Nah...
  • Fiddler - There once was one Linesman too much,
  • Bigsmith - Who cried when the ball was in touch
  • LotUS - The hue that ensued,
  • Breadmaster - Led to language quite rude
  • Software - Thankfully, spoken in Dutch
  • Chalky - Despite having four hours to spare
  • Deek - Before their flight took to the air
  • Bigsmith - They still turned up late
  • Uncle Korky - , Got stopped at the gate,
  • Tuj - Though no-one really seems to care Mercy!
  • Deek - Once upon a time in the west,
  • Breadmaster - A cowpoke was washing his vest
  • Raak - He used best manure
  • Uncle Korky - Which he'd always procure
  • Chalky - From The Man With Bullshit On His Chest [a.k.a. Clint Eastwood]
  • Chalky - You really must make up your mind
  • Darren - Before I grab at your behind
  • Software - Or other protrusions
  • Raak - I might leave contusions
  • Rosie - You see, I'm not that refined.
  • Tuj - A chicken, when lacking a head [C,D,S,R,R] Bravo: one of the best for a while!
  • Chalky - Is likely to hop 'til it's dead eeuww but true! [Tuj] thanks :-) they was good wasn't they?
  • Rosie - which proves that its brain
  • Boser - while beginning to drain
  • penelope - Is thinking of skipping instead
  • Breadmaster - I'm trying to learn all my lines
  • Kim - Err...prompt!
  • Snodgrass - And in danger of incurring fines
  • Software - The thespians art
  • penelope - Of stifling a fart Sorrysorrysorry
  • Darren - From the hole out of which the sun shines
  • Tuj - "Please fondle my buttocks," he said
  • Chalky - "Then slap them with fresh soda bread"
  • Darren - But instead, I grabbed hard
  • widey - and rubbed them with lard!
  • Snodgrass - And watched as he slid out the bed!
  • Align -
  • Darren - A suitcase contains many things So that's what you all get up to, is it?
  • Deek - Like toilet rolls, butter and springs
  • Kim - But you'd best leave it locked
  • widey - and not at half cocked!
  • KH - Just see what the chambermaid brings.
  • Rosie - There was a young lass from Jakarta
  • Snodgrass - Took a pint of good gin just to start her Apologies, oblig!
  • KH - To finish her off
  • penelope - A cocktail Molotov
  • Darren - Was exchanged in a strange kind of barter
  • Fiddler - We’ve got the weather we deserve, ...we have?
  • Chalky - And all because God had the nerve at the risk of stating the bleedin' obvious [altho' nothing surprises me in this game] UNFINISHED SENTENCE ALERT ...'
  • Kim - To take a day off
  • Deek - 'Cause He had a bad cough
  • Rosie - and leave us with Thor (first reserve).
  • CdM - The first thing you see in Valhalla
  • Fiddler - Are Vikings dressed up for a Gala
  • Deek - The men in nice frocks
  • Raak - With cross-gartered socks
  • Chalky - Think nothing of mimicking Mahler ...taking the second of the 2 rhyming options
  • Rosie - There was a great cat called Sylvester
  • Kimj - 'pon whose skin monstrous boils did fester
  • Raak - This great suppuration
  • Toby - -- viscous, pustuled libation --
  • Darren - Was caused by a visit to Chester.
  • Deek - A big killer whale named George
  • Bigsmith - Whose fav'rite game was Cheddar Gorge
  • Darren - While eating some krill
  • Rosie - said "this makes me ill"
  • Chalky - 'And causes my bowel to engorge' ...assuming whales *have* bowels. Even if they don't, at least I ended the damn thing *pats self on back*
  • Chalky - To start with I need to point out
  • Darren - My left foot is swollen with gout
  • ZK - To astonishing size
  • Snodgrass - It might win a prize
  • penelope - - A year's worth of claret and stout. ouch!
  • Rosie - A sinister beast is the spider (pen) Ouch indeed. :-)
  • Raak - She's got miles of thick rope coiled inside her
  • LotUS - So best to ensnare
  • widey - little beasts in her lair
  • Fiddler - Replacing a health care provider
  • Fiddler - My horny Aunt Heather once said:
  • Raak - I'd rather be single than wed
  • Rosie - But don't push your luck
  • KH - Or a railway truck
  • Angus Prune - Or soon you will wish you were dead
  • Angus Prune - oops -
  • KH - There was a young man from Okehampton (...back to a more traditional opening)
  • Chalky - Who made the front page when he camped on unfinished sentence alert
  • Rosie - the M25 Everyone should be alert. The country needs lerts.
  • Snodgrass - by Chalfont St Giles. Mmmm, tough leave Rosie!
  • Rosie - with (wait for it) Lucinda Lambton. (Snodders) Can't see the problem. Anything ending in -ive would do.
  • Snodgrass - There once was a man writing verse , . [Rosie] but it had to scan with your short line 3!
  • Fiddler - All rhymes that he knew were perverse
  • Raak - To the innocent ear
  • Bigsmith - They sounded quite queer
  • Chalky - But seemed quite straight-laced in reverse
  • Rosie - The mysteries of quantum mechanics (Snodders) Well, it's got 5 sillybubbles, which is about par. Don't want to start a fight, BTW. Yes, I do. :-)
  • Dujon - Drove Einstein himself into panics
  • Fiddler - Cause he knew… but we don’t
  • Software - That some particles won't
  • Bigsmith - Listen to tunes by the "Manics"
  • Breadmaster - Said Ringo, "I know what to do!"
  • penelope - In addition to counting 'One, Two!'
  • Chalky - 'These drums I will thrash'
  • Snodgrass - And pocket the cash [Rosie] OK ok, it looked hard anyway!
  • Software - And read Thomas the Tank Engine too.
  • Tuj - Late last night, I lay in my bed
  • Raak - As a nightmare flew over my head
  • Rosie - Who will it frighten? Well, grab me by the incubus
  • Darren - I felt myself tighten
  • Snodgrass - 'Calm Down Dear' the white haired man said .Everyone a Winner
  • Linesman -
  • Angus Prune - I hear Nancy is throwing out Sven
  • Breadmaster - They're all just the same. Bloody men!
  • widey - Their cock's rule their heads!
  • Fiddler - Just screw – without threads,
  • Software - They just don't understand us at all, these wo-men.
  • Deek - For breakfast I had two boiled eggs
  • penelope - To steady my long, wobbly legs
  • Chalky - Unfortunate-ly [Software - you takin' the p*ss?]
  • Raak - Twenty cups of green tea
  • Rosie - have reduced my digestion to dregs. (Chalky) W.S.Gilbert lives!
  • Bigsmith - Whilst list'ning to the Mika-do
  • Rosie - My cake mix flopped - needs thicker dough. (Bigsmith) I'll get you for this, you bastard. :-)
  • Deek - So I added some flour
  • Snodgrass - And in just half an hour
  • Raak - My gateau was ready to go.
  • Rosie - While practising scales on the 'cello (Snods/Raak) Blimey, that was quick. Have you got your own domestic blast furnace, or something?
  • Chalky - In the basement of Bertha's Bordello
  • Raak - Strange sounds from above
  • Bigsmith - One string snapped with a "twang" Great 'cello-playing cartoon on page 13 of this week's Private Eye
  • Bigsmith - Shit - simulposted. Thought that couldn't happen on here. Ignore me.
  • Celare - Of erroneous love
  • KH - 'Twas the music of love (Bigsmith) It always happens when you think you've got a brilliant line, doesn't it?
  • KH - (Sorry Celare - didn't see you in there - let's have a full recap:)

    While practising scales on the 'cello
    In the basement of Bertha's Bordello
    Strange sounds from above
    Of erroneous love
  • LotUS - Have left me decidedly mellow
  • Kim - My 'cello string snapped with a "Twang!"[Per Bigsmith: it seemed too good a line to waste]
  • Deek - And my music stand collapsed with a "Bang!"
  • Rosie - I let out an oath (Bigsmith) Saw the cartoon. :-)
  • Bigsmith - About string and stand both
  • ???? - and kicked out at the bucket with a clang
  • Chalky - Pray sing out with voice loud and clear!
  • Darren - And fill lowly peasants with fear.
  • Raak - As the hunt comes a-trampling
  • Bigsmith - On poor Charlotte Rampling
  • penelope - And gives her a flea in her ear!
  • Uncle Korky - The holiday season is here
  • Snodgrass - The time for sand, sea and beer
  • KH - And drizzle, and fog
  • Snodgrass - Campsites like Bog,
  • Chalky - -nor Regis when rain clouds hang drear.
    finally drawing a line under the -ear /-eer rhymes
    Chalky - Resplendent in tangerine satin
  • penelope - I tango'd my way round Prestatyn oh what a picture that paints...
  • Kim - My partner, Miguel
  • Rosie - , the Argie from Hell
  • JLE - , Just couldn't quite dance like a Latin...
  • CdM - Last Tango in Southend-on-Sea
  • Rosie - a film I just don't want to see
  • Dujon - It's nothing but dross
  • Darren - With Matt and Luke Goss (remember them? I bet you wish you didn't)
  • Tuj - A mark out of five? Minus three.
  • Snodgrass - And talking of towns on the coast
  • Kim - They say (though they don't like to boast)
  • Raak - That Yarmouth's the place
  • Nick - For black satin lace
  • Darren - And mushrooms and baked beans on toast.
  • Tuj - When paying a visit to Durham hoho
  • Rosie - I realised there's no rhyme for Durham Let alone two.
  • CdM - And so I left Durham
  • Bigsmith - (A nice town that, Durham)
  • Breadmaster - And ended up in Dover, which is vile.
    Enough of this nonsense. Back to proper limerickese.
    I once met a man with three legs
  • Darren - Who pushed out a basket of eggs
  • Rosie - I said, "Hello, tripod", I can only think of one rhyme
  • Puckoon - "are you man or god?" was that the one?
  • st dogmael - And ended up in Dover, which was nowhere near as nice as Durham
  • Raak - An angel approached me and said:
  • Bigsmith - "Permit me to point out you're dead"
  • penelope - "Your mortal life ended"
  • Rosie - "Your ways you have mended" I still think the other place is more interesting.
  • Tuj - So well send you to Durham instead
  • Tuj - Ahem - "So we'll send you to Durham instead." Ay thang yew.
  • Bigsmith - In Darlington, Durham and Dover
  • Darren - The law has a precedence over
  • Vida - The wearing of heels
  • Tuj - But Judge often repeals
  • Marc - If promised a lay in the clover
  • Marc - One night on the beach down in Bognor
  • Kim - Recalling my visit to Durham
  • Raak - I thought of Prestatyn
  • Rosie - and Winterbourne Abbas Anarchy in the UK
  • Bigsmith - And all of the time spent in Ais Gill
  • st d - There was a young man from Prestatyn
  • Raak - Who wore on his head a gold paten
  • Chalky - When asked to describe
  • Darren - The drinks he'd imbibe
  • Marc - He slurred he will never leave Durham
  • Marc - Tonight I will take her, I swear, (To Durham, where else??)
  • Darren - To Durham, with wind in her hair
  • Rosie - We'll get the eight-thirty
  • rab - Get deep down and dirty
  • JLE - If anyone sees, I don't care ;-)
  • The Obligatory Line Fanatic -
  • Bigsmith - I've got to leave old Durham town
  • Software - Opp north is getting me down
  • Kim - I'll head West-South-West
  • Darren - Wearing naught but a vest
  • plump - And arm bands in case that I drown
  • Kim - While heading t'wards Stratford-on-Avon
  • Rosie - , that well-known cultural haven
  • Irouleguy - I stopped off in Warwick
  • KH - To meet poor old Yorick (oblig., and thank you)
  • Software - And paused for a pint in "The Raven".
  • Darren - There once was a writer called Poe
  • Bigsmith - Who found it so hard to say "No"
  • KH - His stutter got worse
  • Tuj - Then he'd start to curse
  • Flix - He still wrote classic prose, though.
  • Flix - Oops, add a 'some' in after wrote...
  • Linesman - He still wrote some classic prose, though.
  • Kim - Will Smith saves the world (yet again)
  • Software - His heroics will drive us insane
  • Tuj - Does no-one but me unfinished rhetorical question alert!
  • Raak - Eschew going to see
  • Robin - Bloody "Men in Black III"? What a pain!
  • widey - I once stopped in Bangkok for the night
  • Fiddler - But left back to Durham with next flight (A short stay....)
  • Rosie - Landed at Luton as you would
  • CdM - Put a new suit on [Fiddler] Is that the one-syllable pronunciation of Durham?
  • KH - Like me it was a little too tight. (having to squeeze the extra syllable in to make it scan)
  • Angus Prune - I've been staying oop north for two weeks
  • Darren - To study some birds with two beaks
  • Flix - Whilst quite advantageous
  • Dujon - I find it outrageous
  • Marc - The language the two-beaked birds speaks ...a foul language not worthy to be published, not even here!
  • Marc - A chick may say no, meaning yes
  • Software - But heed caution, nevertheless
  • Kim - For the cock, in his ardour
  • Bigsmith - Tries all the harder
  • Snodgrass - And it ends in a helluva mess
  • Darren -
    In Bolton, there lives a strange man
  • st dogmael - Who claims Jesus was born in Japan
  • Raak - And Mohammed was Greek
  • Marc - Tony Blaire smart and chic
  • Software - And Bernard Levin a very nice man. Sadly missed
  • Darren - "Man" rhymed with "man"? Very odd.
  • Fiddler - Beware of the lim’rick cop squad [Darren: they may also count syllables so run while you can!]
  • Tuj - If fault's found with your scansion
  • Marc - Their cellblock needs expansion (to get room for all sinners, including yours truly)
  • Software - The trouble is some MC's patrol the scansion and the rhyme so closeley that you would think that when it comes to Limericks that they were God. 'nuf said.
  • penelope - See me! Watch me scan, pun and rhyme! *smug*
  • Tuj - Though constrain'd to rhythm and time!
  • Raak - Like a well-crafted clock
  • Nebs - Where tick follows tock
  • Snodgrass - So make mine a Vodka and Lime . The sun is over the yard arm I assume! [Software] Give my regards to Belloc
  • Newcastle Underline -
  • Rosie - There was a young fellow from Streatham "strettum"
  • plump - Who cut off his testicles and ate 'em
  • Software - a man with no balls
  • penelope - Makes squeaky phone calls
  • Rosie - [merely a comment - I cannot do line 5] (plump) That's uncanny! I put up the same first line about 2 yrs ago in MCPants and the 2nd line was "who cut off his bollocks and ate 'em". Was that you? An even more shameless recycling than mine, and, ahem, it scans a bit better. :-)
  • Fiddler - But offers a pouch for a gem? [Play on kids, throwing sand in the eyes makes no one happy!]
  • Fiddler - His sex drive had started to wane
  • penelope - When he'd finished the case of champagne
  • st dogmael - So he had 3 Viagra
  • LotUS - Leapt over Niagara
  • Darren - And had sex again and again.
  • KH - The Queen dropped the Orb & the Sceptre
  • penelope - And deserted the people who'd kept her
  • widey - she romped off with a lad
  • Fiddler - Twice as old as her dad
  • Rosie - 'cos at sex older men are adepter. Oh yes we are.
  • plump - While recycling a piece of old glass [Rosie] I think it must have been so good a line my brain filed it away.Cannot be sure who posted it last time.
  • Darren - A heard a voice say, "what a farce!"
  • KH - If it's brown, green or clear
  • Projoy - It should not be put here!
  • Marc - Your glass belongs to the whiskey-class.
  • Marc - Today I'll buy me a used submarine, http://www.b-americanboats.com/whiskeysub.html
  • Joyce - Including a deep-diving sex-machine
  • Software - So diving for muff
  • Snodgrass - Will not be so tough
  • Rosie - as trying to persuade people that scansion is an essential ingredient of a Limerick - know what I mean?
  • Marc - So fuck off good scansion – you know what I mean?>[Rosie: Why destroying an almost finished limerick just to try teaching us common amateur poets something that you don’t respect yourself? Very bad manner in my humble opinion]
  • Marc - He once found a Rose on the heath
  • Software - A mutant that sported sharp teeth
  • Snodgrass - So for gnawing the bark [Rosie & Marc] Calm down dears, its only a bit of fun
  • Darren - Of itself, in the dark
  • Joyce - He nibbled her buds underneath.
  • Marc - One day as he mounted his horse
  • Breadmaster - The muse suddenly struck - "But of course!"
  • Software - "To straddle a saddle"
  • Darren - "I must use a paddle"
  • Bif - "Some soap, a small fish and The Force™"
  • Rosie - While trying to get through to my bank
  • Marc - To cash my check for a million Swiss Franc(tough to match your excellent scansion Rosie;-)
  • Software - I got music on hold all too true, unfortunately :-(
  • penelope - And grew very old
  • st dogmael - Before I realised that you can't cash cheques over the phone

    sorry - couldnt resist....


    "Please press "star" key now twice and then hold"
  • Software - By an anomyous voice I was told
  • Bif - This nameless deciever
  • Bif -                                                         sorry, meant to preview not submit. :(
  • st dogmael - I’m an asshole and need a good spank!
  • snorgle - I haven't been here for a while
  • Snodgrass - She said donning a satisfied smile
  • KH - It all looks quite strange
  • Bif - It seems quite a change
  • Tinker - But a Miss is as good as a mila
  • Lining up -
  • Fiddler - She read Kama Sutra, then said:
  • Breadmaster - "Can you wrap both your legs round your head?"
  • Darren - I said, "Yes, and what's more, (dangling quote warning)
  • penelope - "I can spin on the floor"
  • Rosie - She said, "that'll do, let's get wed".
  • Breadmaster - The wedding went off with no hitch
  • Rosie - 'Cos both sides were equally rich. Ooh, cynical!
  • Snodgrass - But soon it turned sour ,Cant you just see line 5 coming
  • CdM - For they differed in power
  • Software - And she returned to her mother, the bitch! Satisfying Snod's prediction
  • st dogmael - I would just like to point out that the line above, to whit: "I'm an asshole and need a good spank" was not written by me and I would kindly ask whoever it was to not do that again.
    Whilst walking the streets late at night
  • Software - In my stilettos and miniskirt, tight Why not?
  • Rosie - A copper approached me (Softers) I wouldn't try that in Croydon.
  • Bif - And offered a small fee
  • Snodgrass - And showed me his helmet so bright . [st dog] Well whoever it wasclearly wanted to make a statement and it looks like it was true
  • Line for spankings here -
  • Marc - There once was a cute little pup
  • Tina - So small he could fit in a cup
  • st dogmael - A pygmy chihuahua - [snodgrass] It would appear now that you are actually coming out with it and saying you think I am an asshole ? This is not really in keeping with the etiquette of this forum, and if you really took exception to my limerick line that seemed to have sparked the comment I would say you have a singular lack of humour. Also I would say "fuck you" but I won't, because that would not be in keeping with the etiquette of this forum. Watch your mouth.
  • Fiddler - Barking like a (mad) cacadua [st dog] Maybe you are not a real asshole but you certainly acted like one entering that lunatic 'phone'-line. Go wash your mouth!
  • Bif - How I wished he would shut the ^&*% up
    To steal someone's "handle" is base
  • Snodgrass - The forum police must give chase [St Dog] You misread my comment. It was the handle-napper who I was referring to as being deserving of the attribution of the term 'asshole'. They had made the comment disguising themselves with your handle but inferring the monika to themselves. I'm sorry if you took offence but you really didnt need to.
  • Breadmaster - For we're a happy, brave few
  • Fiddler - There is me, him and you
  • Chalky - Plus the assholes - but they're a disgrace.
    *Phew* - what a relief that the misunderstanding has been unmisunderstooded.
  • Rosie - "Disgusted" of Tunbridge Wells, Kent (Chalky) Unmisunderstanded, surely?
  • Marc - Where "A Room With a View” is for rent or have I unmisunderstanded your intentions?
  • Software - These insinuations
  • Snodgrass - Will hamper relations No Bushisms here please. Maybe the germ of a seed of an inkling of an idea for another game?
  • st dogmael - (Well, I hope so, for that's my intent)
    snodgrass] well in that case I am very glad I didn't say "fuck you". Sorry for the confusion but it wasn't clear and seemed mightily unprovoked......ho humYou're an asshole and so is your horse
  • st dogmael - ooops!
    You're an asshole and your horse is one too
  • Marc - This we’ve heard from the mouth of the whores assuming 'You're an asshole and so is your horse' is the line to be rhymed in best possible scansion mode....? Or if you like, replace it with: As was writ on the door to the loo....
  • Softwasre - Tho' Arse-hole we say o'er here
  • st d - This one has lost its thread a little I fear. Yes the second one didn't really scan too well. Crivvens. What to do ? Lets start it again with a completely new line
    My horsey's upset and offended
  • Rosie - The mare, which it had intended
  • Bif - Now she'll have no truck
  • LotUS - With the amorous buck
  • Marc - So sadly this Limerick ended. Alternatively for us whoresmen: Her ass though still looks very splendid.
  • Putting up a fence-line here... -
  • Marc - You shouldn’t jump over the fence,
  • Uncle Korky - He said to a child who was dense
  • Software - For you know not what
  • st doorbell - A deep pit I have got (the child had just jumped into his garden you see, and had landed in a large pit that the man had dug. It loses something in the explanation I think.)
  • Bif - Now I'm afraid that your corpse I must flense Because once in the pit this maniac has dug in his garden, stunned from the unexpected drop and helpless to ward of the mad neighbour's intentions, the child gets subjected to a "Silence of the Lambs" moment, dies a horrible death and becomes an Item of secret fetish-wear. You're right, it does lose something, doesn't it?
    Kidnapped, drugged then dropped in my pit
  • penelope - It upset my schedule, a bit
  • Darren - Still, I did escape
  • Fiddler - To commit one more rape
  • Chalky - 'Cause I'm an insensitive git.
    [Fiddler] not nice, and not even funny ...
  • Bif - Now let's all just cool off for a while [Chalky] No worse than child-skinning, surely? Hang on, I did that one. Much worse, I agree.
  • Darren - And rest while we wash off the bile
  • Raak - And the phlegm and the snot
  • Ella - I'd much rather not
  • Breadmaster - For I'm base and I'm bad and I'm vile.
  • howie - When learning the rules of a game
  • Chalky - Let bad html take the blame
  • Rosie - Ooh, she's so bold!
  • Irouleguy - The learners she'll scold
  • Ella - Be kind to us please, it's a shame
  • Fiddler - Let fantasy flow we proclaim! [Chalky]...please remember our lines are not necessarily fiction, they may very well be, but you'll never know .... ;-)
  • Fiddler - Once Ella sang jazz with the Duke, (whoops, sorry folks, please see my unintentional 6:th line above as an alternative ending…)
  • Breadmaster - She duetted with George on the uke
  • KH - Her "Do-Be-Do-Doos"
  • Poisoned Pigeon - They could never refuse
  • Marc - Now they're trapped in the ole’ box of Juke.
  • Marc - Today it is Monday - at last
  • Bif - By gum, you got that line in fast while I was "previewing" as it 'appens.
  • Raak - Hurry up! Time is flying!
  • Breadmaster - My brain cells are dying!
  • Tuj - And that's how every Monday is passed. (but that it were true)
  • Raak - 'Tis Tuesday! A whole bright new day!
  • Dujon - With Friday just three days away
  • Fiddler - And the full-moon is bright
  • Rosie - and up there all night
  • Snodgrass - Its just clouds that get in the way
  • . -
  • st dogmael - Now Tuesday is almost all spent
  • Bif - Well it is if you live near to Kent - which I don't, you GMTist swine.
  • Darren - So let's give a cheer
  • Ella - And get out of here
  • Tuj - I've given up Wednesdays for Lent NEXT!
  • Not Tuj -
  • Rosie - Today is named after Wodin except on the Continent where it's named after element no. 80.
  • Software - That's something that softies write code in Not in The Netherlands - Woensdag is
  • Darren - And Wodin, you see
  • Marc - Is hanged to his knee
  • Bif - So for some poor sod trouble is Bodin'
  • Chalky - Well tried on that last limerick
  • Marc - Let’s hope that it gives us a kick (Rosie probably wants to kick my butt so I’ll try to stay away for a while…)
  • Breadmaster - For Thursday is here
  • Software - Time for a beer!
  • Darren - But not so much that we are sick.
  • Newkid - Not for the first time I'm here
  • Tuj - On the plus side: look, Friday is near!
  • widey - with a full weekend ahead
  • Fiddler - And black silk-sheets in my bed
  • Marc - Soon we'll put ourselves in first gear!
  • Marc - One Friday (quite soon) I think that I will
  • Software - On leaving work, put my hand in the till
  • penelope - To finance my fun
  • Raak - While I go on the run
  • irouleguy - I'll never get caught if I bung the Old Bill!
  • snorgle - Two days free, so what shall I do?
  • Raak - Visit Blackpool, or far Timbuktu?
  • Chalky - Alas, I am skint
  • Fiddler - Please give me a hint
  • Bif - How rude! And the same to you too!
  • Raak - Foucault's Nietzschean Historiography
  • widey - Is a bloddy good read when you're lonely
  • Snodgrass - But for those who have friends
  • Fiddler - Well, we know how it ends
  • Projoy - - in a maze of verbose sub-pornography
    But Durkheim, of course, is much clearer
  • Marc - In claiming that orgasm's comes nearer (sorry, my French isn't that good, maybe he meant organs?)
  • Software - Using specialist aids
  • Darren - And a system of grades
  • Rosie - that suited that buttonned-up era.
  • Marc - My Grandfathers clock has got tics
  • st dogmael - Which explains his success rate with chlicks (cloat.ha ha)
  • Poisoned Pigeon - It also has fleas
  • Chalky - And arthritic knees
  • Dr. Johnson - But its name is Captain Hicks.
  • Dr Linesman -
  • Snodgrass - The trouble with women in cars ,Not going anywhere you understand
  • Marc - Is really they’re driving like stars Alternative ending of last one: The reason it strike and not kicks!
  • Chalky - In Venus-like fashion
  • Bigsmith - A shame they keep crashin' tortuous final syllable pronunciation required
  • Bif - Into men driving back from their bars
  • Ella - She was finding it hard to deny it
  • Software - 'Cos she knew that her drivin' was shy-it
  • Tuj - So she let actions speak
  • Dr. Johnson - And drove up the creek
  • widey - and flooded the engine and had to walk-it!
  • Dancing a riverline here -
  • Marc - There once was a lim’rick molester,
  • Prancer - Named Widey, whose arse ought to fester,
  • Tina - His lines would not scan,
  • Breadmaster - He rhymed like my gran,
  • plump - Whose dyslexic verse made all detest her
  • Chalky - If ever you have to submit
  • Marc - Make sure that you’ve poof-read your wit
  • Ella - For there's little that's worse
  • Raak - Than to feel a bit hearse
  • Tuj - And everyone else calls you sh... bad.
    Obvious I know, but I swallowed my pride
  • Marc - “Dear Sir, I have never been kissed,”
  • Uncle Korky - Said the young matchstick-seller to Lizst
  • Software - "Not a lot, my young sir"
  • Chris - Though my looks cause a stir
  • Ella - But my moustache makes most men resist
  • Ella -
  • Marc - I know this sounds weird but it’s true
  • Raak - I keep a bright turquoise cuckoo
  • st dogmael - The first day of each spring
  • Uncle Korky - It endeavours to sing
  • Bif - The entire score from "Cat Ballou"
  • Breadmaster - Andrew Lloyd Webber's a brilliant man
  • Kiwi Chris - And he keeps as a pet, a scarlet toucan
  • Darren - Called "Beaklight Express"
  • Kiwi Chris - It will always impress
  • Chalky - Far more than his musical scores ever can.
    Don't look at me! The scansion was f*cked anyway ...
    :-)
    :-)
    :-)
    Chalky - Today I shall swear with rude words
  • Raak - Such as "frumjittle yaxlifrous knurds!"
  • penelope - And this precedent
  • Bif - Will surely cement
  • Rosie - my status 'mongst top foul-mouthed birds. Dreadful sorry, m'dear; couldn't resist it.
  • Software - Insults are all part of the game
  • Marc - That line is so bad and too lame ;-)
  • Rosie - So turn up the heat
  • Bif - Make y'r enemies bleat
  • Darren - And give them back more of the same.
  • Howie - They say it's a form of respect
  • Irouleguy - When by magpies you're violently pecked
  • Bif - For an avian mob
  • Kiwi Chris - It's just part of the job
  • Tuj - They don't care if your features are wrecked
  • Chalky - Whatever became of Cock Robin,
  • Darren - I hear you cry, wailin' and sobbin'.
  • snorgle - Well, don't look at me!
  • Rosie - Don't do archeree
  • Marc - Just try feel the beat, get the throbbin’. Well, don’t blame me, blame Chalky, Darren or Merriam-Webster's!
  • Marc - There once was a redheaded blonde
  • Breadmaster - Of whom I was terribly fond
  • Raak - Her green brown grey eyes
  • Chalky - And roan skewbald thighs
  • penelope - Made me ask if she'd like to abscond.
  • Darren - The loveliest lady I know
  • Horatio Townsend - Is a tranny called 'Leg-over Flo'
  • st dogmael - What she'll do for a pound
  • penelope - Will amaze and astound
  • Bif - But the therapy after will cost though
  • linin' up again -
  • Marc - My wife’s wearing spurs – in our bed,
  • Tuj - There's an odd wire thing on my head Well, a guy gets simulposted, what dost thou expect?
  • CdM - And I don't know whether
  • Rosie - we should get it together
  • Tuj - With the guests or each other instead *deploys coat*
  • Rosie - The problem with most politicians
  • Dujon - Is their penchant for loose coalitions
  • Breadmaster - They plan and they plot
  • Chalky - And care not a jot
  • Marc - When spending our bank depositions.
  • Marc - My taxes so gladly I'll pay,
  • Breadmaster - If you'll take Michael Howard away
  • Rosie - Call men in white coats!
  • Kiwi Chris - While he cackles and gloats
  • Chalky - And makes like he's god's gift next May. 2005. Nah - surely not. He won't really WIN, will he?
  • Rosie - A serious lot are the Swedes
  • Kiwi Chris - Much given to wearing of Tweeds
  • Marc (the Swede) - They hammer and screw (Assembling those IKEA furniture)
  • Software - and turn the air blue (Assembling those IKEA furniture)
  • Jens - with fumes from the smoking of weeds.
  • Darren -
    A frivolous lot are the Welsh
  • Software - For scansion is left on the shelf
  • Ziggy - The same goes for rhyme
  • Stevie - And tune, most of the time
  • Bif - And drinking on Sunday's I'm told
    The Welsh are a frivolous lot - let's try that last idea out in a way that can actually be rhymed without recourse to the Star Trek Klingon Dictionary™
  • Tuj - For their clothing they care not a jot! True. I wrapped one in tin foil today.
  • Kiwi Chris - They can often be seen Curse that simulposting!!
  • Rosie - in peninsular Lleyn (Bif) Yes, but we are deeply frivolous. There's a difference, inni' aye.
  • Marc - Knitting sweaters from seaweed and snot. http://www.lleynsheep.com/
  • Marc - Believe in your faith and you’ll see, Also a humble apology to all honest, frivolous but hard-working Welsh women and men!
  • Software - The Welsh dragging snot from the sea
  • Bigsmith - It gets caught in their rowlocks
  • Snodgrass - And then removed by their cox
  • Rosie - who sells it to tourists. Tee-hee!
  • st dogmael - welsh sea snot] I take it that you guys just stumbled upon that one ? Or have you perhaps tried Lava Bread ? para 7. Its basically seaweed/algae or similar and they mix it with oatmeal and make little cakes with it fried for breakfast. Marvellous stuff, though in it's pre oat added form it looks like a big pile of darkish green MUCAS.
  • penelope - Make that 'mucus', st d ;o)
    I bake cakes with the stuff in my nose
  • Bigsmith - With a pinch of jam found 'twixt my toes
  • Darren - And then sprinkle some
  • Raak - Of the fluff from my tum
  • Kiwi Chris - It's good as a cure for all woes -- probably because once you eat this all your other problems will seem small in comparison :)
  • a beachline of seaweed, snot and other deli's -
  • Marc - He nibbled her earlobe, then said: (all this food-talk makes me hungry...)
  • Software - "Can I put some of this on my bread?"
  • Darren - She said, "Cut that out!"
  • Kiwi Chris - "Or your ear I will clout!"
  • Rosie - "You can't, 'S been eaten, You've fed!"
  • Marc - She served him a hot pie in bed, ...more food, now breakfast...
  • Kiwi Chris - And rubbed warm goose grease on his head don't ask me where that came from
  • Software - But in places below an oportunity for depravity, perhaps?
  • Kim - Whee no foodstuffs should go
  • Kim - Where Bugger, sorry..
  • penelope - He was subjected to leeches and bledThis sounds like a Michael Winner film
  • Puckoon - Well if that's what you think, I don't care!
  • Ye olde gong farmer - I don't give a jot for your stare
  • Sir Joseph Bazalgette - Be off with you, fool
  • snorgle - And as for your tool
  • Rosie - , well, must cause you the greatest despair.
  • Marc - I once knew a farmer who said:
  • Dujon - "O'ive no problem wi' rain on me 'ead"
  • Bigsmith - "Now get orf me land"
  • Software - "W'your marchin' band
  • Darren - "Or my roifle will soon make you dead." a happy end for that one!
  • Kim - Dear Father, please send fifty quid.
  • penelope - 'Though I can't bear to say what I did
  • Raak - Don't ask any questions
  • Snodgrass - About nasty infections You can tell that the University students have gone back cant you?
  • Breadmaster - And d'you know a good name for a kid?
  • penelope - rofl at that last one...
  • Ella - It happened in old Monterrey
  • Raak - While enjoying the bracing sea spray
  • Howie - Due to great land erosion My geography is fairly poor, but isn't Monterrey inland? ;-)
  • Raak - If Toutatis had hit...
  • Marc - And my ships huge corrosion Noah made it inland didn't he (?) and my yacht is made of glass reinforced plasics but what he heck…
  • Darren - I could sail over land every day.
  • Simons Mith - Toutatis has tried to board us! [Raak] Thanks for the inspiration
  • Marc - So I'll pack and leave with the next bus! (Space shuttle buses may become more common one future day....)
  • Snodrass - But in the act of escaping [Howie] - I thought it was a Cheese, but then again I know Jack!
  • Raak - A cake I was baking
  • Bif - Was launched from the oven toward us
  • Tuj - His body dropped down like a stone
  • Ye olde gong farmer - hit the ground with great smashing of bone
  • Rosie - One more mountaineer
  • Marc - Now flying, Oh dear!....like an angel?
  • Darren - Approaches the heavenly throne.
  • Rosie - The well-heeled folk of Sevenoaks
  • Marc - Turn noses up at lim’rick jokes
  • Snodgrass - But with I M Pentameter
  • Chalky - Their footwork is amateur
  • Software - And fun at them everyone pokes
  • Marc - She said: May I teach you safe sex?
  • Raak - He replied: I'm more into safe hex
  • Snodgrass - But activities in Binary
  • penelope - despite all the finery
  • Software - Beats anything by Posh and Becks
  • Darren - She said: May I give you a tip?
  • Rosie - He said "Not just now; I'm in knip"
  • Kiwi Chris - But if you'll lend me a token
  • Uncle Korky - I'll leave Thorpe-le-Soken
  • Marc - And thankfully kiss your red lip. ....or: Getting rid of your stiff upper lip?
  • Marc - It’s Friday, let’s meet at the Pub,
  • Kim - [Marc] Love to, but I'm off to my club
  • Chalky - It's highly exclusive - don't ya know
  • Darren - Because I'm reclusive
  • Uncle Korky - But please don't take this as a snub!
  • Chalky - wonderful stuff!
    Chalky - My brain is too full - I'm in shock
  • Raak - I shall hide in this grandfather clock
  • Bif - I just hope that the bob-weights
  • Rosie - don't tickle my knob, mates,
  • Marc - Then grandpa’s for sure starts to rock![Rosie]...I thought you were a honourable woman!?
  • Marc - She giggled and said: “What is that?”
  • Raak - "It's a teapot on top of my hat!"
  • Darren - "If I want some tea," [Marc] Did you really not know that Rosie's a man??
  • Rosie - "you must bow to me" (Marc) Wildly wrong on both counts. :-) See http://www.geocities.com/pantsmcprofiles/profiles.html
  • Rosie - Why did it come out with all those spaces, but not this time?
  • Marc - Then I’ll kick your ass, said Cheshire cat [Rosie] No wonder then that I thought the fading scent from your lines was more like ‘Axe Marine', but my smelling sense is not so good any more.....
  • Breadmaster - John Howard will never be gone!
  • Rosie - "He goes on and on". (Anon) (Marc) Yerssss. I do wash y'know. :-)
  • Darren - So here's what I think:
  • Kiwi Chris - We could all use a drink - though this is probably true at any time and not just 'cos of the Aussie elections :)
  • Marc - To celebrate (down-under) erection’s withdrawn?
  • Marc - My butler is off for tonight, (sorry all, of course I meant election !)
  • Kiwi Chris - And he's left the house looking a fright Of course you did Marc :)
  • Darren - Because it is haunted
  • Raak - By spooks I'll be taunted
  • plump - But I'm Dracula so off for a bite
  • Bif - "Do you have to go, Laura?" I said
  • Kiwi Chris - "I thought you'd like Dawn of the Dead"
  • Darren - "They look just like you."
  • Marc - "Have not got a clue,"
  • Breadmaster - "How do you get a girl into bed?"
  • penelope - She will get into bed when she's ready
  • Simons Mith - With curlers and mudpack and teddy
  • Simons Mith - Phooar, sexy mudpacks! Mmm!
  • Breadmaster - Her nightgown is woolly
  • penelope - And covers her fully sorry, couldn't resist
  • Bif - Cor blimey! This outfit is heady! Haaang on...are we talking Teddy as in skimpy diaphanous-yet-wooly garment held together with "strategically placed snap fastenings" (hurhurhur) or were you thinking more along the lines of a clockwork Ursus Somnolus that sings "Walzing Matilda"?
  • Marc - There once was a dimwitted poet,
  • Ella - A Crescenter. Wouldn't you know it?
  • Darren - The name - I'll reveal
  • Rosie - His ineptitude Stress shift required.
  • Rosie - BUGGER! Didn't see you there, Darren. I'll have another go.
  • Rosie - Not David Baddiel? Tiresome git. This is my actual contribution, BTW.
  • Puckoon - But ------- BLUE PENCIL -------
  • The Censor - Sorry can't allow that to be seem
  • Puckoon - So who let that censor in here?
  • The Censor -
  • Marc - There once were two dimwitted poets,
  • Raak - Who kept as pets boy and girl stoats "Poets"? Come on...
  • Rosie - Their loud copulation (Puckoon) Who's the censor? You, matey, to judge by the message timing. If you can't think of a line then just sit this one out.
  • Darren - Was justification
  • penelope - For helping them on with their coats Needs a Lincolnshire accent for this one to rhyme, but it does work, honest. 'Coats' is 'Coo-arts', 'stoats' 'stoo-arts etc etc.

    A return to more RP reciting
  • Tuj - Does one not think these vowels sound inviting? Kudos to Darren for that nifty line 4
  • Breadmaster - For rain falls in Spain
  • Rosie - Ignore Michael Caine (Pen) That sounds more like Hartlepool to me, where the word "no" is two syllables, prounced "Noah" or "gnawer". Maybe it's an east-of-England thing.
  • Marc - Cause he’s more for free fiction writing.
  • Marc - Alas poor Yorick, my head I have lost,
  • Raak - Alas
    It is mouldering in the compost
  • Rosie - Its vacuous grin God, this is gruesome.
  • Software - And this dastardly sin
  • Breadmaster - Will be solvèd by Inspector Frost.
  • Raak - My thumb's fallen into my soup
  • Bif - Said Scoutmaster Bill, to his troop
  • Software - "Don't shout too loud!"
  • Darren - Was the will of the crowd
  • Gregor - "You'll get it back once you go poop."I have been silent too long. Just intervening to say I've been laughing along wit you [arteests] for some tyme now. *chuckle* Now carry on! [slinking back into the shadows] don't be alarmed by me raucous laughter.
  • Projoy - The election's a fortnight away
  • Kim - And our nerves are beginning to fray
  • Marc - Now this time peace will win ...winning scansion forever!
  • Chalky - 'Cause Kerry's long chin
  • Bif - Will start charming people any day
    Now
  • Bif - "Wear shiny plastic on your skin" gruntgrunt
  • Snodgrass - And try to imagine you're thin good memory required
  • Raak - The semi-transparent
  • Marc - ... just almost apparent ...
  • Software - It looks like you're just wearing a grin.
  • Kim - The Cheshire Cat smiled and spoke thus:
  • Software - "Because I just fade, there's a fuss"
  • Breadmaster - "People wonder and stare"
  • Ella - ''When I'm only part there''
  • Tuj - "And that's why I'm wearing this truss."
  • Projoy - For five hundred years I had thought
  • Rosie - that happiness could always be bought (Projoy) the secret of your longevity being.....?
  • Simons Mith - And was cheap at the price
  • Confucius (Marc really) - ....so much cheaper than rice…
  • Software - But then I found I'd been "caught".
  • Chalky - It's taken me ten years to find
  • Raak - The piece that fell out of my mind
  • Software - It was here all the time
  • Rosie - It must mean that I'm
  • Bif - What's left after Lechter had dined
  • Kim - To a nice piece of liver I'm partial
  • plump - Before I'm up for my latest court martial
  • Kiwi Chris - It'll cook up so fine
  • Raak - Judge and jury shall dine
  • Rosie - and I my defences shall marshal.
  • Projoy - Close reading of texts will reveal
  • Dujon - The source of your minister's zeal
  • Raak - Chapter 3, verse 16
  • Marc - No, not that! You’re so mean!
  • Software - You might get off on appeal
  • CdM - The problem with such hermeneutics
  • Raak - They're no match for the Gaul sage, Refutix
  • Breadmaster - Cite chapter and verse
  • ZK - Till they rage, spit and curse
  • Projoy - Then persist: they'll explode in a few ticks.
    I read, in today's Daily Mail,
  • ZK - That Prince Philip's turned into a quail stranger things have happened
  • Chalky - Her Maj is appalled
  • Breadmaster - Though he was pretty old
  • Rosie - but now she'll have eggs sans pareil. All right, male quails don't lay eggs.
  • ZK - It's often been said, down our way Or often been Sid, as I typed before...
  • Tuj - That male quails don't lay eggs, unless gay
  • Rosie - And those that they do Mmm, this is getting quite surreal.
  • Marc - Are just filled with goo
  • Software - Bollocks! That's all just hearsay.
  • nights - There was a young lady from Camden
  • Snodgrass - Who always liked to keep her hand in
  • nights - Quite where, we don't know
  • penelope - We suspect it was Bow
  • Bif - (It's the sort of place she'd make one "stand" in)
  • Bif - I've been told that the Tottenham Court Road
  • Breadmaster - Is a bad place to be for a toad
  • Projoy - But frogs are OK
  • Rosie - ,lightly killed, they say, Rather crunchy.
  • ZK - Unlike ferrets, which tend to explode. It happened nine times yesterday...
    There was a young gent lived in Fulham limerick syntax declared
  • Kim - A hit with girls - boy, could he pull 'em!
  • Software - For he was well endowed opening for abuse....
  • Projoy - And oft stood rather proud never knowingly underestimated
  • Bif - And his silken words always would lull 'em
  • Projoy - I'm standing in two feet of rain
  • Bif - Yes, my basement is flooded again
  • penelope - The waters are lapping unfinished sentence al...
  • Kiwi Chris - And the kids are all clapping
  • Rosie - the Medway - it's won yet again.
  • Software - Outside it is blowing a hooley More bloody rough weather, eh Rosie?
  • Raak - And the rain pisses down most unduly (Actually, it's quite fine here and now.)
  • Projoy - But whether the weather
  • Rosie - goes mad altogether (Softers) Yes. Nasty but not dire. This one's been hyped up a bit, but the barometer will go quite low, even so.
  • Bif - Would depend on 'Hurricane Julie' / Be sure to lag both of your goolies - Bifurcating, with slight force
  • Tuj - Remember, when out in the rain / "I'll say it to you, straight and plain" No idea what happens next. Maybe this is just an advert for The Furcation Game. We'll see.
  • Kiwi Chris - That hail would be causing more pain / "Bend your knees when lifting, don't strain"
  • Breadmaster - It could be so much worse / For the weight of this purse
  • Marc - Then I’ll call my sweet nurse / We deliver this verse:
  • Software - And we'll try that nice treatment again / By Virgin, the strain's on the train
  • Projoy - In Florida, votes have gone missing
  • Ella - Giving rise to much 'booing' and 'hissing'
  • Software - For to Gerrymander
  • Rosie - is but to pander
  • plump - a sort of backhanded ar*e kissing
  • Ella - I'm off to an Anne Summers do! (not been to one before - should I be apprehensive?)
  • ZK - To see things...that are mainly see-through (oh yes)
  • Breadmaster - Some of them wobble and buzz (can I come?)
  • Projoy - Respectfully, Bm, might that scan a little better if it were:
    Some wobble and buzz
    Some light up - this one does!
  • Marc - Like my glowing vibrator does too.... (....well, not mine but maybe Anne Zummer's....?)
  • Marc - Now bin Laden is talking again, (does 'poetry' and politics unite?)
  • Tuj - At least he has not got a plane *carpentry invoked*
  • Raak - His call to surrender
  • Darren - In bra and suspender
  • Kiwi Chris - Show his smalls must be causing him pain LOL the mental picture of BinLaden in bra and suspenders is a disturbingly funny one...
  • Porno-Linesman -
  • Marc - There once was this horny old goat,
  • Gregor - Who made an odd sound in his throat
  • Projoy - Which sounded just like...
  • Software - An old motor bike
  • Raak - That was pow'red by a treadmill-bound stoat.
  • Projoy - I hide in the depths of this pear
  • Raak - Eating tunnels that go here and there A limerick narrated by a maggot?
  • Fergie - On reaching the core
  • Bif - I start outward once more
  • Knobbly knees - So when you take a bite have a care (nothing worse than finding half a maggot in your pear)
  • Tuj - Who cares about this election?
  • Bif - Cried the Chinese girl in my direction.
  • Projoy - The whole politburo
  • Confucius (Marc really) - standing leady, theil heads glow (what do I know about politicians….?)
  • Software - Whatever - there's f**k-all selection.
  • Raak - The time to take action is now
  • Rosie - The road ahead's blocked by a cow
  • Danno - And the bovine obstruction
  • Nobbly Nees - (By simple deduction)
  • Software - Is worse than that caused by a sow.
  • Tuj - The omission of the letter 'K'
  • Darren - Is useful in one certain way
  • K'nobbly K'nees - If you find that you kneed (Oh, a play on words... maybe I'm slowly getting better)
  • Raak - A Knurd knamed Knaveed
  • AXI - He's over on Knorthampton Way
  • Treading a fine line -
  • Rosie - In Knaresborough, knaves know about knickers
  • Bif - A Subject that sometimes sees snickers [Rosie] Fiendish Aliteration count there
  • Raak - When wearing white woolies
  • Software - To ward off the bullies Nice one, Rosie :-)
  • Projoy - Be braced for a big bloke that bickers
    America civilised? Pah!
  • Rosie - 'Bout time we realised, yah?
  • Yank - George Bush has English roots
  • Snodgrass - Thinks after he shoots
  • Software - The Yank's guzzle more gas - by far.
  • Kim - In Arabia, baby, a girl
  • fourstar - Whose umbrella refused to unfurl
  • Sir Henry - Had a trouble with wind
  • Software - 'Cos her mother had sinned
  • AXI - by sitting with her feet on a sill
  • Projoy -
    My tumour grows large in the Fall
  • Kim - My humour, by contrast, grows small
  • Raak - My gloags start to spread
  • Projoy - (I hasten to point out, btw, that I wrote that line before I saw the news story about Mrs Edwards)
  • widey - and click inside my head
  • Simons Mith - Believe me, that's not nice at all.
  • Projoy - So, reasons to not give a **** (you decide!)
  • Danno - Include rudeness, forgetfulness, thrift, This censorship is out of hand, at least if you don't get a Christmas present.
  • Tuj - But my favourite excuse
  • Raak - To politely refuse
  • Kim - Which will leave grammar purists well-miffed.
  • Darren - So, reasons to not give a f*** (again, your choice)
  • Projoy - That the Dems are so down on their luck (not beating about the bush, as it were)
  • Breadmaster - It's only four years (Though imagine if Bush got assassinated - Cheney would get the rest of his term, then undoubtedly be elected for a new one, and could stand for yet another at the end...)
  • Lib - Yet I have many fears
  • Rosie - , not least that the chimp runs amok
  • Projoy - A radio drama is good
  • Software - That's what you say - well you would
  • AXI - But give me a present
  • Raak - That is effervescent
  • Will - And doesn't do more than it should.
  • Tuj - Rememeber, when you're in the car
  • Bif - The four round things go on the tar
  • Knobbly Knees - The pointier end
  • Dujon - Should be first round a bend
  • Danno - And Ford means "Found On Road Dead," har har.
  • penelope - Bear in mind, when alighting the train
  • Raak - Look right, then left, then right again
  • Rosie - "Is this Liskeard (for Looe)?"
  • Bif - "Or New Street (for Crewe)?"
  • Software - "No. It's a roundabout and you are a pain!"
  • Projoy - A splendour rose up in the sky
  • Bob the dog - "Hey, big splendour!" I heard Shirley cry
  • Darren - The splendour replied:
  • AXI - "I'm small and on my side;"
  • Danno - Ne'er again will I stargaze while high.
  • Tuj - A duck, and a coin, and a shoe
  • Darren - Are things I have fished from the loo.
  • widey - tramp steamers and trains
  • Rosie - (they're big, they block drains) Not the only thing, I've found. :-(
  • Raak - And a TARDIS mislaid by Doc. Who
  • penelope - If it's good, then give it no thought
  • Breadmaster - Don't bother with "should I?" or "ought...?"
  • Software - Just jump right on in
  • Raak - It can't be a sin
  • Rosie - unless of course you get caught. (Raak) Amazing coincidence: - My first attempt was exactly the same as yours only you got in first. Great Minds . . .
  • penelope - [Raak, Rose] Great minds? I beg to differ. Anoraks... ;o)
    Such a thrill to be breaking the law
  • Software - So I think that I'll do it some more [Pen] I've met Rosie and I can assure you he is not/doesn't wear an anorak.
  • CdM - Oh. Hello Inspector!
  • Kim - My name's Doctor Lecter
  • Darren - Excuse me while I eat Al Gore.
  • Simons Mith - My cholesterol levels are high
  • Kiwi Chris - 'cos I'm overly fond of Gore Pie
  • Darren - Except for the crust
  • Ye olde gong farmer - all covered in dust
  • snorgle - from cremating that Arafat guy.
  • whoopsie! -
  • Rosie - The great thing 'bout this time of night (Softers) Cheers. I did have a duffel coat at one time.
  • Software - Is that nobody else is in sight ;-)
  • Raak - They'll never find out
  • Darren - I'm tickling trout
  • Will - But why do they put up a fight?
  • Bob the dog - A double deep black cherry pie
  • widey - A fruity delight to my eye
  • Raak - With thick double cream
  • Darren - And fish oils of bream
  • Fergie - Has just made me puke down my tie.
  • Projoy - Don't talk to the oiks, Pollyanna
  • Chalky - They're bound to hate your jolly manner
  • Kim - And as for your hair,
  • Software - Well, to be fair,
  • penelope - I would call it brunette, but I canna. Yeah, yer annoying wee gingernut....
    [Projoy] so you had nothing better to do on Sunday afternoon than watch crappy films too?
  • Puckoon - Christmas is coming they say
  • Software - So I think that I just skip that day
  • Projoy - And just have New Year [pen] Yes, it was so utterly syrupy, I got stuck to the sofa. I cheered when she got run over.
  • Raak - With three gallons of beer
  • Darren - And lots of loose women, wahey!
  • Projoy - An elephant kiss'd me, m'lud!
  • Darren - Its trunk was most clearly no dud!
  • Bigsmith - It sought out the parts
  • Software - For refreshment by tarts coat!
  • Rosie - which sounds like a joke by Roy Hudd. I know one of his scriptwriters. So that's where he gets them.
  • Simons Mith - Exhibit A: Elephant, one
  • Projoy - Exhibit B: half a swiss bun
  • Breadmaster - The jury will find
  • penelope - (if it's that way inclined)
  • Sir Henry - The rest in a great pile of . . . "what's brown and sounds like a bell"
  • The Wichita Lineman -
  • Puckoon - Douglas Adams wrote "The Salmon of Doubt"
  • Sir Henry - Working title "Faith Haddock Without"
  • Projoy - But the draft wasn't finished
  • Kim - Adams' strength was diminished
  • Darren - The light of his life flickered out.
  • Sir Henry - Tim Berners-Lee said of the web
  • Darren - "It makes me look less of a pleb."
  • Projoy - "For I now wear flash suits"
  • Rosie - "Gone are those zoots"
  • penelope - "Don't you think I resemble a deb?" That's enough of that!
    As he jumped from the wardrobe, he said:
  • Darren - "I am wearing my pants on my head."
  • Sir Henry - "and my socks on my thumb"
  • Projoy - Which has made them go numb
  • ZK - "And smell oddly like garlic bread"
    In the middle of writing an ode
  • Rosie - to the hard men who dig up the road
  • Hugh Jampton - I spied a strange man
  • Raak - Making tea in a can
  • Software - While his body was painted with woad.
  • Kim - While attending a conference in Ghent
  • Projoy - I found that my briefcase was bent
  • Raak - Its titanium hinge
  • AXI - Had developed a fringe
  • Software - Of no use to a business-like gent
  • Rosie - The good folk of Buckfastleigh, Devon
  • ZK - All retire to bed around seven
  • AXI - For they get up at eleven (oops this is going to be an all lines rhyme limerick)
  • Sir Henry - Read a book by Nye Bevan
  • Hugh Jampton - and pray that they go to heaven
  • Tuj - When standing alone in the dark
  • penelope - I disrobed, to my vest, for a lark.
  • Knobbly - I re-dressed in a hurry
  • Count Jim ‘Thighs’ Moriarty - when a truck load of slurry
  • Darren - Escaped (stained my shirt with a mark).
  • Tuj - The trouble with loaning out bees
  • Lootenant Hern-Hern - is thay always come back with strained knees Hern
  • Knobbly - Quite why this is so
  • Raak - I really don't know
  • Projoy - But a physicist might for some fees (according to Physics, a bumblebee can't fly).
    A stalactite falls from the roof
  • Snodgrass - Wooky Hole provides us with proof quite splendid caves there, well worth a visit
  • Raak - That if no-one is there
  • Lootenant Hern-Hern - does anyone care? - Who gives a Hern
  • Simons Mith - Or are we completely aloof?
  • nights - There once was a student in Leeds
  • Software - Whose ambition was spreading his seeds
  • Sir Henry - So of he went clubbing
  • AXI - while elm seeds dropping
  • Breadmaster - And satisfied all of his needs.
  • Sir Henry - "MY GOD" said her lady in waiting
  • penelope - "Her Ladyship's gorn out nude skating!"
  • Software - "If she slips on her front"
  • Darren - "She may bear the brunt"
  • Major Dennis Bloodnok, Military Idiot, Coward & Bar - Of two Green Carpet Moths mating
  • The Wichita Lineman -
    It's about time I started a round I'm getting fed-up just drawing lines for other people.
  • Rosie - "Frère Jacques" will do - nice sound.
  • Raak - "Sur le pont d'Avignon"
  • Kim - Si vous dirai-je mamman
  • Software - Tut, tut. Our French is not good, I'll be bound!
  • Software -
  • nights - There once was a frozen lake [previous limerick] it's not bad, and I'd know. I see bad French all the time - generally in my own notes. sigh.
  • AXI - Whose ice would many a maid take
  • Projoy - The maids were not found (not aimed at anyone in particular, but players unsure of the best rhythm for a limerick might find this useful. (Rhymes are, luckily, more intuitive).
  • Projoy - Actually, this page is a bit more user-friendly.
  • Darren - Above the cold ground
  • snorgle - Sorry, it doesn't quite scan, so how about this, which keeps the original as much as poss -

    There once was a large frozen lake
    Whose ice would many maids take
    The maids were not found
    Above the cold ground
    But below, astride the giant hake!

  • penelope - Huzzah! for brave snorgle; how quick!
  • Darren - She loves to display her new trick.
  • Projoy - She scans like a dream
  • Major Dennis Bloodnok, Military Idiot, Coward & Bar - Or a cat with some cream
  • Bigsmith - Just a pity the rest are so thick.
  • Tuj - The man who came to fix my door [p,D,P,MD,B] Best for a while - the metric feet are dancing!
  • ZK - Left a ruddy great hole in the floor 'Twas on the Monday morning
  • Kim - His extremely large tool
  • Marc - He had placed in my stool ouch!
  • Darren - I'm still not quite sure what it's for.
  • AXI - The Alpha lost his Iota
  • Projoy - Which took him beneath his set quota
  • Uncle Korky - The Beta protested
  • LotUS - So the Gamma arrested
  • Darren - The Alpha for breaking the rota.
  • Lootenant Hern-Hern - A Thesaurus is a very strange book
  • Darren - It won't help you garden or cook
  • penelope - Though Roget's compiling
  • Tuj - often helps me when filing is no-one gonna complain about dodgy lines for a while then?
  • Kiwi Chris - But it's no use to Peregrin Took
  • penelope - *grumble grumble*
    Look at me! I can perfectly scan!
  • Marc - That he said as he shat in the fan!
  • Chalky - Scatologically
  • AXI - There's an appology
  • Kim - For mistaking the fan for the pan. Honestly, I despair, sometimes!
  • Chalky - Poor Kim's on the verge of despair
  • penelope - But truthfully, folks. Do you care?
  • Projoy - For the world's never right
  • Breadmaster - Full of envy and spite
  • Darren - And people with egg in their hair.
  • snorgle - Let's all go and verb some new words!
  • AXI - And devariate a few herds
  • Projoy - I've started to battle
  • Raak - With glaive and atlatl
  • Chalky - I've joined the neologian nerds!
  • Chalky - hmm - didn't actually intend to press the 'submit' button, but it's done now ... serves me right for multi-tasking
  • nights - "I'm surrounded by fools!" I cried this is 100% true.
  • Darren - And, quite shortly after, I died
  • Kiwi Chris - It just serves me right
  • Tuj - For talking such shite
  • Kim - Now Hell's jaws, for my soul, open wide.
  • Rosie - There was a young fellow from Barrow (Chalky) Wot - you got a cuppa tea there 'n' all.
  • Darren - Who grew a remarkable marrow
  • LotUS - He took it to fair
  • Juxtapose - But it could not compare
  • Chalky - With Sid's prize-winning tap-dancing sparrow. [Rosie - yeah ... and the rest]
  • Marc - My job at the City Sperm Bank,....I'm very impressed by above sparrow-limerick, well done!
  • Raak - Makes use of a very large crank
  • nights - When turned, it produces
  • AXI - A wide range of juices
  • snorgle - And all for the price of a spank!
  • Uncle Korky - Fantastic!
    When's the best time to eat bread?
  • Projoy - While bathing or when you're in bed?
  • Sir Henry - .. and as toast or just slices?
  • Raak - With jam or fried mices?
  • Sir Henry - try rats and you'll just end up dead!
  • Darren -
  • Projoy - Clam up or start spilling the beans?
  • Darren - I'm sure you all know what that means!
  • Juxtapose - Foul-spoken slang
  • Rosie - with a south London twang I don't even need to try.
  • Danno - Is polite banter in Milton Keynes.
  • widey - I live for the taste of curried beans
  • snorgle - That just doesn't scan right, does it? How about...
    I live for the hot taste of beans
    Dripped over the neighbourhood queens
  • CdM - or bronx, brooklyn, staten
  • Simons Mith - An' I'm estimatin'
  • widey - oi u can't go around changing the start line! Where's the challange in that? I shall now sulk for the next 40 nights...........
  • Simons Mith - [widey] We've only got one nights.
  • Darren - [SM] "One nights"?
  • Tuj - Darren] ...and one Simons too.
  • snorgle - widey - it didn't scan! And Simons - does that rhyme? Bah, I'm turning into Rosie!
  • Darren - The beans were produced by Peek Freans.
  • Projoy - Today is the day that the bears... (unfinished sentence alert).
  • Marc - ...will go hibernating downstairs, (do polar-bears hibernate?)
  • penelope - So lock up your fridge
  • AXI - To a nearby bridge
  • Puckoon - so as not to get court unawares [Marc] Of cause they don't, don't be silly, they do there best hunting in the dark, how else can they creep up on the Penguins?
  • Tuj - With no more than a piece of elastic, [Puckoon] CAUGHT CAUGHT CAUGHT CAUGHT CAUGHT. Spleen vented; sorry.
  • Raak - I essayed a, épaulement fantastic
  • Raak - That's I essayed an épaulement fantastic
  • nights - it delighted the crowds [everyone] STOP ARGUING! there's only one nights.
  • Irouleguy - who hoisted their shrouds nights] What happened to the other one thousand then? More downsizing?
  • Darren - They don't know my hip's made of plastic.
  • Simons Mith - I pulled, and I grunted, and groaned
  • Simons Mith - And forgot my bold tags as well :-(
  • Dujon - I tugged and I panted and moaned
  • Darren - But still I could not
  • Rosie - shift Stonehenge one jot (snorgle) You'll need to acquire, ahem, certain features. But I'm sure you knew that anyway. :-)
  • Projoy - So it's off to the Tor to get stoned
    I essay a stunning jetée
  • Projoy - (zhet-ay)
  • Kim - Followed through with a graceful plié (plee-ay)
  • Ella - But my battement tendu
  • Raak - Was pas bien comprendu
  • snorgle - And everyone's calling me gay! boom-boom
  • Basil Brush -
  • Tuj - When alone, with my "great" plans
  • Chalky - I call in my legion of fans
  • CdM - They bow down before me
  • Darren - And all call me Normy
  • Rosie - Disturbingly, most drive white vans.
  • nights - On a recent visit to Devon
  • Raak - I refuelled at a small 7-11
  • AXI - I misread the sign
  • Uncle Korky - For the A339
  • Hugh Jampton - and I'm now on the A327 help!
  • Chalky - Be careful, be wary, be wise!
  • Raak - For all that they tell you is lies!
  • Puckoon - but I don't believe it
  • Hugh Jampton - not one little bit
  • Major Dennis Bloodnok, Military Idiot, Coward & Bar - but they will ask, "Who ate all the pies?"
  • Sir Joseph Bazalgette - Oscar Wilde was a very great wit,
    but others just think he was shit,
    some like him a bit,
    some call him a hit,
    and others would cover him with grit.
    Showing off I know but what the heck...
  • Projoy - Now, Oscar, he's gone off to glory
  • Darren - That might be the end of his story
  • penelope - For those with such pride
  • AXI - (And Lions to hide)
  • Rosie - the rest, I'm afraid, is too gory.
  • AXI - I'm looking out of my window
  • Raak - O'er the hillocks of blustery Findo
  • nights - I must wear a hat
  • snorgle - Made out of a cat
  • Kim - Or stay in and play my Nintindo.
  • penelope - "Pathetic!" I heard a man shout
  • Uncle Korky - "And you call yourself a Boy Scout?!"
  • AXI - "When in the BB" oblig. (BB is short for Boys' Brigade)
  • Ella - "It's apparent to me"
  • Juxtapose - "You must NOT let your Troop be wiped out!"
  • Tuj - Fall in!
    He shouted "You 'orrible lot!"
  • Raak - "What a shower of shit that I've got!"
  • plump - Shoulders back, stand up straight
  • penelope - And hold out your plate!
  • Darren - And eat it all up while it's hot.
  • Knobbly - The trouble with riding a horse
  • widey - In traffic and not on a course!
  • AXI - Is unknown to me
  • Sir Henry - However, I flee
  • Darren - In case it gives grounds for divorce.
  • Software - I'm back in the saddle once more
  • nights - not minding that it mkaes me sore
  • penelope - If I grip with my thighs
  • Chalky - I get quite a surprise [pen'll know what I mean :-b]
  • AXI - For I've found an old apple core
  • Projoy -
    A duck à l'orange, if you please!
  • penelope - And to follow, the board a la cheese!
  • Darren - And then, ice de cream
  • Uncle Korky - (I'll pass on the bream)
  • penelope - Try 'a runner' but lose my car keys.
  • rab - I once saw a duck mount a moose
  • AXI - Perhaps she thought it was a goose
  • Software - This sexual perversion
  • Ella - And cervine coercion
  • Chalky - Demolished a Norwegian Spruce.
  • Darren - You can't fit a moose in your mouth
  • penelope - Unlike ungulates of the Deep South
  • AXI - Over in the East
  • Chalky - Raw elk is a feast
  • Puckoon - but they still prefer haggis in Louth
    Those sirens are driving me mad!
  • Tuj - 'Snot as if I've been really that bad...
  • penelope - If I give in to the law [Puckoon] Louth is my home town... I'll grant you a temporary poetic licence for that blatant untruth.
  • Darren - They'll sound them much more
  • AXI - And at our drowning we'll be glad using poetic license to switch between two meanings of sirens
  • Raak -
    'Tis the season of snow and good cheer
  • Kim - Though there ain't much of that around here
  • AXI - White stuff's not falling
  • penelope - I think that's appalling
  • Puckoon - "Oh shut-up and drink up your beer." -
  • Projoy - So, only six months until Summer! Woo-hoo!
  • Irouleguy - It's less than the wait for a plumber
  • penelope - But slightly more wet
  • Software - There's much winter yet
  • Puckoon - Don't remind me, it is such a bummer
  • AXI - So is it a foot or an inch?
  • Darren - You'll see if you give it a pinch
  • widey - I can tell by the scale
  • Software - Because I'm a male
  • Raak - You need a ten horsepower winch.
  • Chalky - So much for my expectations!
  • The Wichita Lineman - [Chalky] haven't you forgotten something?
    Chalky - So much for my expectations!
    The Wichita Lineman - T'is the season of good will to all nations (repair over)
  • AXI - In short supply
  • Chalky - *confused* - thought I posted the first line to a limerick?
    Well that's what it looked like on my browser :-S
    And who is the Witchita Lineman?
  • Software - This is all getting very confusing. The Witchita Lineman is probably attributable to Glen Campbell who is a particularly good example of the dreadful American "country music" genre.

    So, shall we try again, and hope Chalky's browser has been de-bugged.

    Chalky - So much for my expectations!
    Software - I was expecting congratulations

  • Chalky - Oh Lordy - woss goin' on?
    SW - I like American country music, OK? :-)
    Anyway, I'm going to start the Limerick again whilst waiting for the Witchita Lineman to reveal him/her self ..
    Chalky - So much for my expectations!
  • snorgle - I fear that all these castrations
  • Darren - Will hamper my search
  • penelope - For a ball-bearing perch blimey!
  • penelope - oh hell... forget the bold 'blimey'
  • Software - And my hopes of infant relations. [Chalks], Oh, so you're the one ;-)
  • Uncle Korky - Well, that was all rather confusing
  • Projoy - Is it HTML we're abusing? (comment test)
  • Projoy - Looks like a </b> tag has gorn astray somewhere. I can't fix it from here unfortunately, as I fall foul of the Bad HTML detector
  • Projoy - Ah, found it. There's a </b tag at the end of the "horsepower winch" move above.
  • AXI - Internet abuse
  • Software - Such spurious code
  • Software - Was that AXI's move? Maybe it was, so:

    Uncle Korky - Well, that was all rather confusing
    Projoy - Is it HTML we're abusing?
    AXI - Internet abuse
    Software - Is strictly no use

  • Chalky - If the good guys always end up losing.
  • Knobbly - "Go away", I explode in my fury
  • Projoy - Going nuclear like old Marie Curie
  • Rosie - and do not come back
  • penelope - 'Til you've found me that hack
  • Software - That knobbled the judge and the jury.
  • penelope - "Stand back! It's a rabid mince pie!"
  • Raak - "One scratch from its fangs and you'll die!"
  • Kiwi Chris - Though it's crust looks quite tasty
  • Uncle Korky - My decision was hasty
  • Chalky - And now up in heaven I sigh. .. hmm .. bit wobbly on the tenses, that one.
  • Chalky - Impartial advice is quite rare
  • Software - And even then, to be fair
  • penelope - I seldom take heed
  • Kim - Carpe Diem's my creed
  • Sir Henry - I just do what I want with my hair
  • Sir Henry - Eating beans and fly fishing with Hartley
  • Software - At a village in Wiltshire called Startley
  • Uncle Korky - I caused quite a stir
  • Rosie - 'cos I mimicked the burr
  • Chalky - So the trout leapt and slapped my face smartly.
  • penelope - PLastic surg'ry to lengthen my spine
  • Software - They said silicone implants were fine
  • Kim - But my facelift went "phutt"
  • Raak - Any now looks like my butt
  • Raak - Any --> And
  • Darren - Which is great! So I've no need to whine.
  • Chalky - [SW] Do we really need all these hyperlinks?
    Chalky - Buff up your German and write
  • penelope - 'My German is shiny and bright!' - That's what you meant, isn't it, Chalky?
  • Chalky - Then give him a roast
  • penelope - After that, you can boast: unfini...
  • Chalky - 'It's bangers and mash nächster zeit'
  • Chalky - 'My Bach is müch worse than my bite'. [alternative and much better ending - serves me right for getting distracted by that minx penelope when we're supposed to be hard at work. Anyway - apologies for hogging the game - over to you lot ...
  • Uncle Korky - A present is under the tree
  • plump - I really hope it's for me
  • Raak - It's a very strange shape
  • Rosie - and all are agape (Chalky) But is it verse zen your Cherman Bight?
  • Software - So I'll open it and we will all see.
  • Kim - "..and so, in summation", he said,
  • Tuj - "As thrilled as I am with this... head,"
  • penelope - "The other missing bits..."
  • Rosie - (toes, teeth and tits)
  • Darren - "Will shortly mean I'll end up dead."
  • Knobbly - In a fight with the monster King Kong,
  • snorgle - I realised something was wrong
  • CdM - For a start, he was tiny
  • Rosie - and his nose it was shiny
  • Software - And he emitted a terrible pong!
  • Rosie - While paying for something by Visa
  • Uncle Korky - I was heckled by old Ebenezer
  • Raak - "Bah, humbug!" he cried
  • Irouleguy - "I don't care who's died, This quote left deliberately open
  • Kiwi Chris - cos I am a grumpy old geezer!" - this quote deliberately closed :D
  • penelope - I can't see the wood for the trees
  • Software - And I can't see the pod for the peas
  • Rosie - or the grass for the blades
  • Irouleguy - Or my feet for the shades
  • Uncle Korky - I've got an oc-u-lar disease!
  • Chalky - Prepare for the onslaught, my friend!
  • Raak - With pistols at dawn, make amend!
  • Software - The revolution is here
  • penelope - Our aim? It's not clear
  • Snodgrass - Oh just how will it all end.
  • snorgle - With a bang, not a whimper, I fear!
  • Software - That's how Iraq will end the old year
  • Darren - But not every place
  • plump - With a US army base
  • Rosie - will necessarily cheer.
  • Kim - And so, Merry Christmas to all!
  • snorgle - I hope that you all had a ball
  • plump - And all those at work
  • Snodgrass - For whom it must irk
  • Raak - To be 24/7 on call.
  • Breadmaster - So 2004's nearly done
  • Projoy - I just wish it had been much more fun
  • Raak - In 2005
  • penelope - I will not deprive
  • Chalky - The world of my second-best pun. oh yes - it's a killer ...
  • Raak - Happy New Year, to one and to all
  • Darren - And may your big things not grow small
  • nights - If this should occur
  • Snodgrass - due to alcohols blur
  • Rosie - then piss up against that there wall. Plunge the knife, then, Chalky.:-)
  • Projoy - Your target is 30 feet high
  • Thos - (For the Jolly Green Giant must die!)
  • Software - I'll take my pea-shooter
  • Uncle Korky - (Blow legumes up his hooter)
  • Kim - And cook up his veg in a pie!
  • Chalky - In spite of the blustery weather
  • Uncle Korky - I'm off for a tramp through the heather
  • Software - 'Cos the wind up my kilt
  • Knobbly - When I run at full tilt
  • penelope - Will toughen my scotum to leather oh dear oh dear oh dear....
  • snorgle - I must say that I'm shocked and appalled! Nah, not really.
  • nights - not to mention disgusted and galled [pen] what's a scotum? have I got one?
  • Raak - At the thought that someone
  • Chalky - Should feel moved to con - [hey snorgs - where you beeeeen?]
  • penelope - us to thinking that this game had stalled! [nights] probably not yet, as you're still only very young ;o)
  • "....but I draw the line at...." -
  • Kim - It was wrong, I admit and I'm sorry
  • st dogmael - To take her to a disused quarry ...bit dark perhaps?
  • Chalky - But in my defence
  • Thos - I gave her ten pence
  • penelope - Then let her get out of the lorry dark indeed....
  • Uncle Korky - It's dark, deeply sordid, and wrong
  • Chalky - Let's lighten the mood with a song
  • rab - About fluffy chicks
  • Darren - Who go to the flicks
  • rab - In pink feather boa and thong
  • snorgle - The judge stood up straight and orated - Chalky - here and Dublin - just haven't had time to post!
  • Juxtapose - The verdict that I had awaited:
  • Kim - "On the charge of fraud - guilty!"
  • Chalky - And 'though not well-built, he
  • st dogmael - Smiled like a man being fellated
    innocent whistling
    My feet are too big for my shoes !
  • Uncle Korky - I've been wearing a pair of canoes!
  • penelope - But they haven't, as yet unfini...
  • st dogmael - Let me down in the wet
  • Chalky - So I've booked for a trans-urban cruise. .. bon voyage
  • Stimpy - My balls itch so bad...
  • snorgle - Stimpy, that line is WAY too short. It should be AT LEAST 7 syllables. Unless it was just a general comment - in which case, see your doctor!
    If you find that your balls have an itch
  • Raak - Dip them into a tub of hot pitch
  • Snodgrass - While it might make them swell
  • nights - it's just as well
  • Rosie - that your sex life was never that rich. (Raak) you're a sadist, man/
  • Juxtapose - I find proper grammer attractive
  • Chalky - Which suggests that my sex life's inactive
  • Raak - When I see a subjunctive
  • CdM - (Would it were conjuctive)
  • Software - My libido becomes hyperactive
  • nights - there once was a man from tashkent
  • Kim - Who, somehow, contrived to invent
  • Uncle Korky - A portable hole
  • penelope - and an inverted pole
  • Software - And a corkscrew that was straight and not bent.
  • nights - meanwhile, an old woman in Essex see how pretty things can be on these things?
  • Kim - Lay a claim to the Duchy of Wessex
  • Software - The root of her title
  • Raak - Was a deed to a pightle
  • snorgle - (bought with numerous fraudulent checks) (nights)What things?
  • nights - at the same time, in darkest frome [snorgle] these forums on the INTarWeB, they can be so pretty when everyone works together
  • penelope - A maiden was lured to her doom [nights] we've visited frome before... ;o)
  • Raak - A talll man in black
  • Rosie - who smelt like a yak and had a 50% excess in the "L" department. Better than three buttocks, I suppose.
  • Uncle Korky - Tickled her bits with a broom
  • Software - A one-legged man from porthcawl as we are in this mode
  • Snodgrass - Got pinned up against a brick wall
  • Kim - But with one mighty hop
  • Uncle Korky - He sprung into a shop
  • nights - and gave the police a call [pen] what on earth FOR?
  • Uncle Korky - A disabled old bailiff from York
  • penelope - Had a peg-leg, capped off with a cork [nights] To argue about its pronunciation, of course!
  • Raak - His hand was a hook
  • Software - His belly - it shook
  • nights - whenever threatened with a spork [pen] there's no point - somerset people rarely see reason...
  • Projoy - A train bound for South Abertawe
  • muttleee - Was last seen en route to Malawi Hi all.
  • Rosie - The points were set wrong Now, does everybody know that the last two syllables (out of the 4) of Abertawe rhyme, more or less, with the first 2 syllables of "sou' wester" and, furthermore, it's only bloody Swansea in Welsh anyway. I'll get the breakdown gang. :-)
  • CdM - Just outside Kampong
  • Dujon - When some hitchikers yelled "Going our way?"      No, Rosie - well at least not me.
  • Dujon - Hitchikers are normal people but they do occasionally drop their aitches.
  • Chalky - *grumble* Banter Game?

    Chalky - If you race round the M25

  • muttleee - Between 4 and a quarter to 5 [Rosie] This site says ta weh. I did check...honest. :-)
  • Raak - You might see the ghost
  • st dogmael - Of the last man to post
  • Irouleguy - That is, if Chalky's left him alive! *enters Witness Protection Programme*
  • JLE -
    Come on, guys, pay attention to the correct stresses of the syllables in the scansion... that last line *simply* *does* *not* *work* in any way, shape or form. Please learn how a limerick works.
  • penelope - I know that I'm quite the offender
  • Projoy - When I go on a fifty day bender
  • Raak - But my very besht friend
  • Software - Tries to pretend
  • JLE - That he is my staunchest defender.
  • Tuj - The trouble with being a pedant JLE] It could work (possibly) without that rogue comma - stress on if and left, that is more like that's?
  • Raak - Is you're less well beloved than a red ant
  • penelope - And as hierarchies go
  • Chalky - Red ants score quite low
  • Juxtapose - So ease up and you'll be more pleasant. =)
  • :-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-: - dotted line
  • Chalky - Quite terrible things will occur
  • nights - should it be that you fail to concur
  • Darren - So now you'll agree
  • Raak - You really want me
  • Software - Even though I'm a "he" not a "her"
  • Kim - If you wish to determine my sex
  • Chalky - You'll have to sign seven blank cheques
  • st dogmael - Stick three up your arse,
  • Raak - At the others, throw darts
  • Darren - And give both my cheeks sev'ral pecks
  • Chalky - 'A new lease of life' is a phrase
  • Botherer - That is true in just so many ways
  • Darren - But it doesn't apply
  • Projoy - To the mote in my eye
  • penelope - That afflicts me today of all days
    I gambled, and now it's all lost
  • nights - as they say in Brum, it's all "bost"
  • Darren - It's back to the streets
  • Chalky - Dressed in re-cycled sheets
  • Rosie - of old wallpaper, nicely embossed.
  • penelope - Playing golf, I am twelve over par
  • Raak - 'Cos I can't hit the ball very far
  • Tuj - I find when I swing
  • nights - (and now, here's the thing)
  • Darren - I'm losing control of the car
  • Botherer - My handicap now is just four
  • Dujon - little mites crawling 'round on the floor
  • Software - Must find a solution
  • muttleee - To nappy pollution
  • Uncle Korky - Perhaps I'll just show 'em the door...
  • Projoy - Some music has ended the day
  • Darren - The Birdie Song sent us away
  • Botherer - Although it was naff
  • Chalky - A friendly chiff-chaff
  • Software - Set all our hips asway.
  • Kim - Instead of complaining all day
  • Darren - The Birdie Song is what we'll play
  • Ella - Or perhaps Agadoo
  • Irouleguy - or Kajagoogoo
  • Software - or 'Shaddup your face' by Joe Dolcé.
  • Uncle Korky - I can't get it out of my head
  • Thos - My brain (which is really learned)
  • Projoy - This heavy gold mind
  • Ella - Is a burden, I find
  • Darren - So I never get up out of bed.
  • Marc - I once wrote a line that was good
  • Darren - And hid it in my Christmas pud
  • Ella - I poured custard on it
  • Raak - And then ate my sonnet
  • Juxtapose - And now 'writer's block's understood
  • Tuj -
    I opened the cupboard to find
  • Ella - I've clearly gone out of my mind
  • nights - the jams and the sauces
  • Software - And other resources
  • Darren - Are gone - all I have's bacon rind.
  • Projoy - Your starter for ten runs like this:
  • Raak - What's the pH of elephant piss?
  • Tuj - And if no-one knows
  • Knobbly - I shall have to suppose
  • Chalky - The answer lies in the abyss
  • Juxtapose - These Limericks are making no sense
  • Dujon - Any more than pounds, shillings and pence
  • Marc - But the payment we get
  • Raak - Shows demand's being met
  • Darren - For rhyme that's banal, crass and dense.
  • Chalky - Book early to get the best fare
  • Snodgrass - Let the train take the strain if you dare
  • Kim - But if your destination
  • Uncle Korky - Is a Northern Line station
  • Irouleguy - Dress boldly - clothe yourself in Edgeware!
  • Projoy -
    Reselling my clothes on ebay
  • Darren - I blindly gave myself away
  • penelope - When I sold my best garter
  • Uncle Korky - I fumbled the barter
  • Judith - I went to the grocery store yesterday
  • The Party Line -
  • Kim - The key to a pithy last line
  • Uncle Korky - Was lost on the banks of the Tyne
  • Darren - The poet, ashamed,
  • plump - on dyslexia blamed,
  • muttleee - His failure to lyrically shine
  • Tuj - There's naught I like more than to shout
  • snorgle - At the lads "C'mon, get it out!"
  • Chalky - I'm sometimes surprised [nice one muttleee :-)]
  • Dujon - That something so prized
  • CdM - Is so rarely bandied about
  • Uncle Korky - You'll get your extremities cold T/s/C/D/C - excellent!
  • Darren - Unless you will do what you're told
  • Chalky - So I'm telling you now
  • Software - Stick your hands in a cow © Dunx
  • Bigsmith - Or a maiden from Stow-on-the-Wold
  • Botherer - Cotswold ladies can react quite badly
  • Rosie - When seduced by a schoolboy from Radley
  • Darren - They throw up their arms
  • Uncle Korky - And expose all their charms
  • Projoy - Which are not all that charming, quite sadly
    Until now I had never known fear
  • Uncle Korky - But my arm is now stuck up the rear unfinished sentence alert
  • Chalky - Of a gestating cow
  • Irouleguy - and what I need now
  • Raak - Is a booking on Brighton's West Pier
  • penelope - I've booked a half-page colour space bloody newspapers
  • snorgle - (On which to emblazon my face)
  • Raak - It may cost a lot
  • nights - but I'll give it a shot
  • Chalky - My address is attached - just in case.
  • Tuj - I threw up my arms in dismay
  • Uncle Korky - Distraught at the death of Fay Wray
  • nights - at the hands of a monkey
  • Darren - So sprightly and spunky
  • Juxtapose - a girl was gorilla paté.
  • The Wichita Lineman Rides again -
  • ZK - The disturbance this evening in Maine god, I hope nothing's actually happened in Maine
  • Rosie - For news of which we search in vain If we're that sad.
  • Tuj - I am told was a shocker
  • Darren - It took place in a locker
  • Chalky - But no trace of events do remain. ... bugger
  • Projoy - Explosive and dangerous stuff
  • Puckoon - is Marmite stains on a shirt cuff
  • Darren - For, when they ignite,
  • Thos - Not even "Allbrite"
  • Botherer - Can douse the flames quite well enough.
  • Rosie - When rain stops play at Trent Bridge
  • Uncle Korky - I immediately dive for the fridge
  • Kim - In its depths I discover
  • Chalky - My previous lover
  • Thos - That's Mary (with Mungo and Midge)
  • Projoy - A cloak of the finest azure
  • Irouleguy - With sequins and feathers galore
  • Raak - Is the best thing to wear
  • Uncle Korky - When you have an affair
  • penelope - And it beats 'doing it' on the floor
  • Tuj - A dog and a cat and a hat
  • Knobbly - An ice-skate and large cricket bat
  • Darren - A man, a canal,
  • Raak - A plan quite banal
  • Chalky - The result? An unsolved dingbat.
  • Darren - Most people who went to my school
  • Projoy - Epitomised liminal cool
  • Chalky - The rest of the nerds
  • Kiwi Chris - Who travelled in herds
  • Raak - Are the ones who are destined to rule.
  • Juxtapose - It's true that us nerds have an edge nice finish, Raak
  • Projoy - In signing the temperance pledge
  • Darren - Because we can't drink
  • penelope - We think we can think
  • Uncle Korky - With more than our meat and two veg.
  • Marc - Confucius said: “This new year,”
  • Chalky - just adding a tiny syllable ...
    Confucius he said: "This new year
    Will bring forth a glorious fruit beer.
  • Raak - It's flavoured with lichees
  • Darren - And, doing your tai chis,
  • Rosie - will get you slung out on your ear.
  • Tuj - Whilst on the razz, dressed as a nun
  • Botherer - I happened upon a shotgun
  • penelope - I'd no need to worry
  • Darren - As I was in Surrey
  • muttleee - A great place to be 'on the run'
  • Chalky - Your honour, I plead mitigation
  • Darren - Because of this strange litigation
  • Ye Olde Gong Farmer - I'm stuck in this dock
  • Tuj - Because of my cock a doodle doo
  • Rosie - which I exposed at East Croydon station. What's the problem? Nobody would notice because they're all wittering into their sodding mobiles. (Tuj) Bad luck!
  • Juxtapose - The judge showed no mercy at all continuing the story...
  • Kiwi Chris - and had me chained up to a ball
  • Tuj - He duly proclaimed Rosie] for the sake of decency, it could still be an animal...
  • Raak - I deserved to be blamed
  • Chalky - For the rate of exchange in Nepal
  • Thos - The answers which all of us seek
  • Projoy - Will be broadcast on telly next week
  • Irouleguy - When Richard and Judy
  • Snodgrass - And an overweight foodie
  • Kiwi Chris - Will consume a quarter-ton leek
  • Pull the chain, old fruit! -
  • Rosie - Whilst overindulging on veg
  • nights - I managed to fall into a hedge
  • Projoy - Beneath which, I found
  • Irouleguy - ten dollars, one pound
  • Snodgrass - And an ageing gay rocker named Reg
  • Projoy - A predisestablishmentarian
  • snorgle - Said this, to a parliamentarian
  • Rosie - "The Bishop of Ely (snorgle) Are you absolutely certain that Parliament existed in the predisestablishment era? I only arsk. :-)
  • Darren - Just gave me a feely
  • Chalky - Which proves he's a humanitarian."
  • Snodgrass - And copped an incredibly hairy one
  • Snodgrass - sorry - Simulpost Carry on
  • Snodgrass - 'On a course aimed at self-cultivation
  • Raak - We learned about auto-cremation
  • penelope - So give me a match
  • Chalky - And a nicorette® patch
  • Projoy - Self-esteem, Self-respect, immolation!
    Exteleologicalism (that's better, I was trying to find a word that would take up a whole line).
  • Projoy - *sigh*
    Exteleologicalism
  • Thos - When spelled wrong can cause rheumatism
  • Tuj - But with letters correct
  • penelope - It is not, I suspect
  • Chalky - A reason for triumphalism
  • Botherer - Proper spelling's a thing that's essential
  • Tuj - Lest your writing's deemed inconsequential
  • Darren - So practise with letters
  • Rosie - As do all good typesetters hope that's spelt right . . .
  • Dujon - When slinging the lead to their betters.
  • Chalky - Vary the rhyme scheme for kicks!
  • muttleee - Or instead of just five lines, write six!
  • Darren - Yes, lengthening's one of our tricks.
  • Raak - When we get to the middle
  • penelope - Of the Rhymsterists's riddle
  • Kim - Attempting to fiddle
  • CdM - Around with the form, and to mix
  • Darren - In even more words, making the whole structure very hard to fix.
  • Projoy - *Bing-bong* An announcement for you:
  • snorgle - Pink will henceforth be sky-blue
  • nights - Red is now Green
  • Irouleguy - Fergie is now Queen
  • Darren - And all that was false is now true.
  • Kim - This lim'rick, in truth, is a lie
  • Irouleguy - It was written by him on the sly
  • Projoy - While him on the swings
  • Thos - Eating butterfly wings
  • Darren - Was sitting there wondering why.
  • Rosie - While binning a pile of junk mail
  • Uncle Korky - I bumped into Donna McPhail
  • Darren - She's lived in my bin
  • stehvelo - With her patrilineal kin
  • plump - writing jokes which invariably fail
  • Tuj - My golden retriever once said
  • muttleee - I fancy a trip to the Med
  • Projoy - I sent him at once
  • Rosie - 'cos they've now banned the hunts
  • Darren - Which makes it hard keeping him fed.
  • nights - On a bus into town one morning
  • snorgle - A huntsman jumped on, without warning
  • Projoy - , yelled, "Follow that Fox!"
  • Botherer - Pointed at my red socks
  • Software - I said, "They're pinks, now stop all that fawning"
  • Rosie - While murdering a Chopin Mazurka
  • stehvelo - Veiled in her secretmost bhurka
  • Projoy - The lady concerned
  • snorgle - Amusingly gurned
  • Chalky - And dreamed of her broad-chested Gurkha.
  • Uncle Korky - The cast of Auf Wiedersehen Pet
  • Irouleguy - doubled as stagehands building the set
  • Darren - Their cry was, "Oh Lordie!" [setting up a rhyme there]
  • Software - "We're almost all Geordie!"
  • Botherer - "Except for that daft Brummy get!"
  • Darren - ^^^^ Very good one! ^^^^

    In time, we will look back and laugh

  • Software - At the day we got stuck in the barf
  • Snodgrass - As the water was rising
  • Raak - What we found most surprising
  • Rosie - was the vulgar response of the staff.
  • Projoy - Simplicity runs in my veins
  • Juxtapose - I don't care for lacquers or stains
  • Software - I like everything plain
  • Darren - I'll say it again:
  • Raak - I use spoons to hack off my chilblains.
  • Raak -
    The rain in Spain's mainly on plains
  • Darren - As stated by those with large brains
  • Uncle Korky - But the snow in Oslo
  • nights - As any fule kno
  • Software - Is there in spite of the Danes
  • Rosie - The frost in Spain's mainly on cars
  • Software - And the ex-pat's are mainly in bars
  • Darren - They get drunk most nights
  • Projoy - And dress up in red tights
  • Juxtapose - And dance like there's frost in their drawers
  • Darren -
    For those who are cymbocephalic
  • Projoy - Cries of "egghead" ("oeuftête" if you're Gallic)
  • Rosie - You look like a Martian
  • Software - Much less than a Spartan Bastard rhyme, Rosie
  • Kim - All in all, you look really quite phallic.
  • Rosie - Some people, it seems, like the snow (Softers) As I realised too late. :-(
  • Raak - But what I like, I really don't know
  • Darren - I've tried asking my
  • Knobbly - psychoanalyst why
  • Botherer - I'm so fond of the stuff. He don't know Sorry for the grammar,but had to be done.
  • snorgle - My fav-our-ite colour is blue
  • Tuj - Dunno why, strange but it's true snorgs] simulposted, but I agree with you ;]
  • Botherer - And that sky blue pink
  • Software - I what most people think
  • Software - I = Is :-(
  • Chalky - Is a warning when bad weather's due. .. shepherds, notably. [not sure where you were heading with that line, Software, but I did my level best]
  • Chalky - Personal hygiene's a must
  • penelope - In the places where gathers most dust
  • Software - That hole in the tummy
  • Rosie - is not always yummy
  • Tuj - Go elsewhere to express your lust. Sage advice
  • Darren - One should never hide one's own smell
  • Botherer - For perfume will damn you to hell
  • Rosie - Especially if male
  • Marc - Are smelling like "Dead Whale"
  • Software - For your pheromones will ring someone's bell.
  • Rosie - The flowers that bloom in the spring Ought to be in quotes, really.
  • Darren - Are worn in the beard of the king
  • Software - So let us cheer
  • Raak - And quaff lots of beer
  • Tuj - And do ye olde "whoop-de-doo" thing.
  • Tuj - Line. Drat.
  • Uncle Korky - The truth about Morecambe and Wise
  • penelope - Is they both shared the same pair of eyes
  • nights - No-one could tell
  • Irouleguy - save Eskimo Nell
  • Darren - Which joker was which, for a prize.
  • Juxtapose - There once was a poet from Bonn
  • Darren - Who had lots of clothing to don
  • plump - From her thong to her coat
  • Puckoon - and her little pet Stoat
  • Simons Mith - Backwards strip-tease is a con!
  • Tuj - If you are a fan of punk rock
  • Rosie - You're locked in a timewarp, old cock. (Simons Mith) Quel espèce de con?
  • Software - Such a '70's fad
  • st dogmael - You're worse than my dad
  • Darren - Whose tank-top and sideburns I mock.
  • nights - Les mots vulgaires sont, ici, [rosie] j'suis tant choqué.
  • Rosie - Je plaid coupable, tant pis. (nights) Well, at least someone got the joke. :-)
  • Software - Par exemple, rupettes
  • st dog - Ou une bite à baguette
  • nights - c'est chouette, quand nous faisons ceci. [rosie] what can I say, j'suis geeque.
  • penelope - The last one was lost in translation
  • st dogmael - No great loss (francophile masturbation)
  • Chalky - When language gets screwed
  • Knobbly - And poets are lewd
  • Juxtapose - We'll just leave to play Bifurcation.
  • Marc, marking a line here______ - Please start without me, I'm on leave/There once was a Lim'rick for sale
  • Projoy - {And I've something that's hid up my sleeve / There's no chance of a sudden reprieve } / { Which came with a free pint of ale / Which was rather too old and too stale }
  • Irouleguy - {Is this a dagger?; I'll produce it when/I'm doomed to remain; For fourty-eight hours}
    {And a packet of nuts; It was Ruddles' best/The old man from Dover; Fresh blood was required}
  • Raak -
    Please start without me, I'm on leave
            And I've something that's hid up my sleeve
                    Is this a dagger?
                            Or far Wagga-Wagga
                            Or an old Eton fagger
                    I'll produce it when
                            I'm a master of Zen
                            The time's right, and then
            There's no chance of a sudden reprieve
                    I'm doomed to remain
                            On this long-delayed plane
                            On a far darkling plain
                    For fourty-eight hours
                            I must grade all these flours
                            I shall drink whiskey sours
    There once was a Lim'rick for sale
            Which came with a free pint of ale
                    And a packet of nuts
                            With a taste of goat butts
                            And some choice sirloin cuts
                    It was Ruddles' best
                            Called Old Everquest
                            And stank of birds' nests
            Which was rather too old and too stale
                    The old man from Dover
                            Who smuggled it over
                            Said "I'm glad it's over"
                    Fresh blood was required
                            To make it inspired
                            To set it on fire
  • Chalky -
    I'll have a go at the first one:

    Please start without me, I'm on leave
    And I've something that's hid up my sleeve
    Is this a dagger?
    Or far Wagga-Wagga
    It's neither [or so I believe]
    Left over from last New Year's Eve?

    Please start without me, I'm on leave
    And I've something that's hid up my sleeve
    Is this a dagger?
    Or an old Eton fagger
    If so, then I must be naïve
    Applying some fresh Ibuleve®?

    Please start without me, I'm on leave
    And I've something that's hid up my sleeve
    I'll produce it when
    I'm a master of Zen
    And then, only then will retrieve
    A state which is hard to achieve.

    Please start without me, I'm on leave
    And I've something that's hid up my sleeve
    I'll produce it when
    The time's right, and then
    My state of mind you will perceive
    You'll see why my name isn't Steve

    Please start without me, I'm on leave
    There's no chance of a sudden reprieve
    I'm doomed to remain
    On this long-delayed plane
    Feeling sick with a strong urge to heave
    With a cousin of Christopher Reeve

    Please start without me, I'm on leave
    There's no chance of a sudden reprieve
    I'm doomed to remain
    On a far darkling plain
    With only this basket to weave
    With piles of old timber to cleave.

    Please start without me, I'm on leave
    There's no chance of a sudden reprieve
    For fourty-eight hours
    I must grade all these flours
    Amongst those who pillage and thieve
    After which, a sponge cake I'll receive

    Please start without me, I'm on leave
    There's no chance of a sudden reprieve
    For fourty-eight hours
    I shall drink whiskey sours
    It's by far the best way I can grieve.
    At this rate I'll never conceive

  • Chalky - I see no-one has yet attempted the second mighty-furcation - The Lim'rick for sale one...
    Yesterday - it took me quite a long time to find 16 viable rhymes for the Please start without me one, and as I didn't want to hog the whole thing ... I stopped there. Anyone up for it?
  • penelope - [Chalks] A whole morning, and nobody has dared reply... Whaddyawannadoo?
  • Irouleguy - Chalky] Go for it.
  • Chalky -
    OK - here's part two:

    There once was a Lim'rick for sale
    Which came with a free pint of ale
    And a packet of nuts
    With a taste of goat butts
    No kidding - just try and inhale!
    And seventeen newly plucked quail

    There once was a Lim'rick for sale
    Which came with a free pint of ale
    And a packet of nuts
    And some choice sirloin cuts
    Just right for the discerning male
    A feast of gargantuan scale!

    There once was a Lim'rick for sale
    Which came with a free pint of ale
    It was Ruddles' best
    Called Old Everquest
    So called 'coz it's beer's holy grail
    Available only by mail

    There once was a Lim'rick for sale
    Which came with a free pint of ale
    It was Ruddles' best
    And stank of birds' nests
    When newly blown down in a gale
    But tasted of rancid ox tail

    There once was a Lim'rick for sale
    Which was rather too old and too stale
    The old man from Dover
    Who smuggled it over
    Went straight to her majesty's jail
    Dropped dead from a surfeit of kale

    There once was a Lim'rick for sale
    Which was rather too old and too stale
    The old man from Dover
    Said "I'm glad it's over"
    "The new version I'll now unveil"
    "The rhyme pattern WAS rather frail."

    There once was a Lim'rick for sale
    Which was rather too old and too stale
    Fresh blood was required
    To make it inspired
    It's now reading Language at Yale
    To be a nonsensical tale

    There once was a Lim'rick for sale
    Which was rather too old and too stale
    Fresh blood was required
    To set it on fire
    And fresh words for comic detail
    And give it that sting in the tail

    *phew*

  • penelope - *creates a thunderous round of applause*
  • nights - *gapes in awe. actually in bath, not awe, but you get the idea*
  • Marc - *WOW, very impressive masterpiece of bifurcation!*
  • Marc - There once was a Virgin so chaste ...not thinking of Camilla...?
  • Irouleguy - Who refused to marry in haste ...no, no similarities at all...
    Chalky] *jumps up and down cheering* WOW! Do we have a new game idea here?
  • Tuj - "I'd rather," she said Chalky] Wow! Irouleguy] Well, there is still the furcation game...
  • Darren - "Keep wetting the bed"
  • Rosie - "than indulge in an act so debased."
  • penelope - I'n't there 'owt else to eat but this food?
  • Irouleguy - Ah'm clammin' and I'm norrin the mood
  • st dogmael - Fer this fancy frog shite
  • Snodgrass - W'll 'av me up al' nite
  • Rosie - unless . . .Aww Noooah, ah've pooed.
  • Chalky - The duck à l'orange is delicious [I wonder .. do people still eat that?}
  • Software - And the sole meniere is nutritious [Chalks] Yes, I had it on my birthday, last month. It was delicious.
  • CdM - The crème caramel
  • Uncle Korky - Has gone down very well
  • Raak - But the wafer mints make me suspicious.
  • CdM - Waiter! The bill, if you please / Excuse me, can we get the check [Raak] That had me laughing out loud.
  • Irouleguy - As soon as we've finished our cheese/And we're moving inside 'fore we freeze

    Or I'll miss my flight to Quebec/Don't worry, it's all on Cal Tech
  • Botherer - Our taxi awaits/The hideous stilton / It's cold enough out/The troublesome weather // The flight from Toronto/It flies in an hour / Except for the beer/I've got an account
  • Juxtapose - curse you, botherer... okay, I'll try line four
  • Chalky - [Jux] Ha! that happened to me last time - Raak beat me to Line 4 by about 10 minutes. So I copped Line 5. Deep joy :-)
  • Juxtapose - Waiter! The bill, if you please
    As soon as we've finished our cheese
    Our taxi awaits
    So no further debates / In the United States

    Waiter! The bill, if you please
    As soon as we've finished our cheese
    The hideous stilton
    You serve at the Hilton / Could cause one to wilt on

    Waiter! The bill, if you please
    And we're moving inside 'fore we freeze
    It's cold enough out
    That my pitcher of stout / To destroy without doubt

    Waiter! The bill, if you please
    And we're moving inside 'fore we freeze
    The troublesome weather
    Has froze us together / Has ruined the leather

    Excuse me, can we get the check
    Or I'll miss my flight to Quebec
    The flight from Toronto
    Is taking off pronto / Will quickly be gone so

    Excuse me, can we get the check
    Or I'll miss my flight to Quebec
    It flies in an hour
    By platypus power / So bring it right now or

    Excuse me, can we get the check
    Don't worry, it's all on Cal Tech
    Except for the beer
    Charge that to Rich Gere / And these hazelnuts here

    Excuse me, can we get the check
    Don't worry, it's all on Cal Tech
    I've got an account
    Of a stunning amount / Thanks to Ms. Lisa Blount
  • Chalky - [Jux] Bravo!
  • penelope - *hankers for a plain vanilla limerick*
  • Chalky - pen] me too! If I read Irouleguy's comment in Banter correctly, the last installment will be appearing in the Bifurcation Game - so-o-o-o ...

    Chalky - It's plain that for easy digestion

  • Raak - Five lines is the best, there's no question
  • penelope - If you squeeze any more
  • Darren - It becomes quite a bore
  • Rosie - , to say nothing of mental congestion. Couldn't 'aandle that last lot. This is more like it.
  • Marc - True Lim'ricks will follow these rules: (...well, not at this site anyway ;-)
  • Raak - Good metre and rhyme are their tools
  • Software - The scansion shall flow
  • Irouleguy - The humour be low
  • Darren - The poets must always be fools.
  • Juxtapose - Low humour is more of an art
  • Tuj - An vulgarity sets one apart
  • Tuj - *and, rather than an
  • penelope - So don't trust to luck
  • Darren - The use of cheap muck
  • Software - Is ideal to make up your part
  • Chalky - We'll greet the new day with a smile
  • Tuj - And then enjoy breakfast in style
  • Irouleguy - Croissants and coffee
  • Wol - Bats coated in toffee
  • Darren - And virgins we'll get to defile.
  • Tuj - My cat has got stuck in the hoover
  • momus - listening to the Bolan Groover
  • Marc - Now they jam in duette
  • penelope - Singing Alanis Morrissette
  • Irouleguy - And Doug Sahm's She's about a mover
  • Tuj - Whilst buying some bread at the shops
  • CdM - I also bought barley and hops
  • Software - You may say that's small beer
  • Darren - But never you fear!
  • Raak - My pot still makes potcheen that's the tops!
  • Tuj - Testing, one two and three
  • Knobbly - Why's this microphone wired to me?
  • penelope - 'cos nothing I say
  • Blob - will enliven your day
  • Software - More than watching daytime TV.
  • Chalky - Turn left then go right at the gate
  • Tuj - Twenty paces, then remove some slate
  • Raak - In the hole that you'll find
  • Darren - Is some bacon rind
  • penelope - Bring it here, put it straight on my plate. yum yum
  • Tuj - My instincts, though somewhat subdued
  • Darren - Involve the consumption of food
  • Juxtapose - My nibbling nature
  • plump - Destroyed every plate yer
  • Irouleguy - Put in front of me - ain't I rude?
  • Breadmaster - My birthday's just one day away
  • Raak - I'll be ninety-three, so my kids say
  • Tuj - But deep down I know
  • penelope - All the wild oats I sow
  • Software - Is what has turned my hair grey.
  • Kiwi Chris - I'm going to buy a new house
  • Dujon - One which comes with a resident mouse Sorry, rab.
  • Software - who will nibble my cheese
  • Breadmaster - And give the kids fleas
  • Irouleguy - And teach them to speak fluent Scouse KC - welcome back!
  • Darren - I'm going to buy a new love
  • Chalky - Who'll hopefully fit like a glove
  • penelope - we'll skip 'mongst the daisies
  • Software - Like a couple of crazies
  • plump - Whilst vultures circle above
  • Tuj - I once had a thoroughbred buzzard
  • Chalky - well jolly good for you - didn't know they existed
  • Raak - All the vultures and kites thought he wuz 'ard
  • Darren - He married a thrush
  • plump - Though had a mad crush
  • Tuj - Chalky] I can as long as my poetic licence is in date.
  • Chalky - On a peregrine falcon from Luzzard.
  • Botherer - I once had a Falcon called Ken
  • Juxtapose - Who drank all the scotch in my den
  • Software - His resulting bad head
  • Chalky - Imploded then bled
  • st dogmael - All over my carpet - bloody alcoholic falcons, ruined it is. RUINED, I tell you.
    sorry, couldn't resist.
    There once was a chap from Khartoum
  • penelope - Who scootered a way to his doom
  • Software - Up the old Khyber Pass
  • Snodgrass - Keeping Off The Grass
  • Rosie - 'cos it's really strong stuff, I assume.
  • ZK - I once knew a kestrel named Don
  • Irouleguy - Who wasn't sure which side he was on
  • Kiwi Chris - Though he he quite liked the hens Thanks Irouleguy - good to be back :)
  • Kiwi Chris - err excuse the double 'he' - I was not in fact laughing (it's too early in the limerick for that) What I in fact meant was
    Though he quite liked the hens
  • ZK - He hung out in the Men's
  • plump - I'll check if he's there.....oh he's gone
  • penelope - I can't look; if I do I am cursed
  • Rosie - by those who despise Damien Hirst
  • Darren - Because he's preserved
  • Software - A sheep dipped in derv
  • muttleee - But you'll have to admit - that's a first.
  • Tuj - As I stepped away from the urinal
  • Rosie - I went arse-over-tit on the vinyl
  • Simons Mith - Then I slid to the sink
  • Software - Set my nose in a kink
  • penelope - Now it smells just like Domestos pine'll
  • Darren - When dogs catch the scent of a pine
  • Tuj - They'll either cock a leg or whine
  • Dujon - But the worst part is this
  • Software - On your leg they may p*ss rising to the bait :-)
  • plump - And the owners a £25 fine
  • Rosie - There's going to be an election
  • Juxtapose - So gentlemen, wear some protection
  • Software - For what's coming up
  • Chalky - From the depths of my cup
  • Tuj - It's a wonder of nat'ral selection.
  • Knobbly - On this day of a right royal wedding
  • penelope - All adultrous stigma they're shedding
  • Snodgrass - But to just say 'Ones Sorry'
  • Kevin - For a 31-year foray
  • Darren - Would ignore many sessions of bedding
  • penelope - I bring you a new kind of drink
  • Raak - It is made with the musk of a mink
  • Darren - And, since it is fizzy,
  • Uncle Korky - You're bound to get dizzy (Oblig.)
  • Software - And spill most of the drink down the sink
  • penelope - I did about half, then gave up
  • plump - It's so hard to wash a whole cup
  • Software - With hands that are soft
  • Irouleguy - I just lazily waft
  • Chalky - Some Fairy suds in the general direction of the kitchen sink and then wander off to play with my Weimeraner pup
  • Chalky - The battle for gold is intense
  • Rosie - though tin's just as good, and less dense
  • Juxtapose - The bronze age's agent
  • Software - Was copper's reagent Basta*d rhyme, mutter, gripe
  • Raak - But steel wire's the best for a fence
  • Kim - I'm willing to negotiate
  • CdM - Please Joe, say it ain't so
  • CdM - argh, sorry...
  • Kim - I'm willing to negotiate
  • CdM - So tell me please, what's your best rate?
  • Chalky - If we can agree [CdM] What a curious misspost - am wondering if it offers a window into your psyche :-)
  • Irouleguy - By quarter to three
  • Software - Then we can make it before its too late
  • Chalky - variation time:
    May we invite alternative last lines? [no offence, S'ware] It seemed to have so much potential ...
    I'll start with
    I'm willing to negotiate
    So tell me please, what's your best rate?
    If we can agree
    By quarter to three
    My ego won't over-inflate.
  • CdM - [Chalky] Nothing so interesting; I just failed to notice when I previewed that I was also simulposted. :-)
  • rab - [CdM] I used to have a really patronising message warning you about that, but it upset snorgle so I turned it off.
  • Juxtapose - By four-o-clock I'll find a date
  • penelope - This time I won't procrastinate
  • Tuj - So let's get it on
  • Chalky - Tuj] I may be wrong but I think the previous two lines were alternative endings - which is entirely my fault for over-complicating things ...however, it all fits so I'll follow ..
    Chalky - Before this mood's gone
  • Software - So to bed where we'll procreate [Suitable, Chalks?]
  • Kim - [CdM, Chalks, Irouleguy, Softers, Juxtapose, Pen, Tuj] Most satisfactory. This should become a variation of the game, where a number of alternatives for lines 3, 4 and 5 are suggested (but 1 and 2 remain fixed).
    Now, if you'll just slip on this slip
  • Software - You may trip up just a bit Thanks for the accolade, Kim :-)
  • Darren - And slide on the floor
  • Uncle Korky - And collide with the door
  • penelope - Taking care not to bite on your lip
  • Juxtapose - There once was an artist from Prague
  • Raak - Who painted the central Camargue
  • Irouleguy - White horses galore
  • plump - Galloping along the shore
  • Software - Entre toute des grandes vagues
  • Rosie - There was a young lady from Tottenham (Softers) Je suis impressionné
  • Kim - Short skirts - wow! She really looked hot 'n 'em
  • Software - With her legs e're so long
  • Raak - And quadriceps strong
  • Néa - And clogs, that she got straight from Rotterdam.
  • Kim - A gent who was sent up to Ghent
  • muttleee - Caused havoc wherever he went
  • Raak - When he jourmeyed from Aix
  • Raak - "journeyed"...
  • Darren - He let loose a hex
  • Juxtapose - Since his pronunciation was bent
  • penelope - You give me lager when I ask for beer
  • Raak - And cast me down when I just want good cheer Are we creating a new form, the limeronnet?
  • Botherer - But give me a cider [Raak] No... ;)
  • Software - Complete with dead spider Ahhhh! scrumpy..
  • Uncle Korky - And you just watch me disappear!
  • Tuj - "Would you like an extra strong mint?"
  • Chalky - As a chat-up line [maybe a hint?]
  • Juxtapose - Can only be said
  • Software - "I'd rather be dead!"
  • Irouléguy - "Well, I'd buy you a beer, but I'm skint"
  • penelope - When you finish your call and ring off
  • Software - I can't help but think "what a toff"
  • Darren - Your accent is posh
  • Simons Mith - You talk utter tosh
  • Rosie - From my list you will now be struck orff.
  • Juxtapose - I once met a psychic named Beth
  • CdM - Who told me the date of my death
  • Raak - It was two months ago
  • Tuj - Which just goes to show
  • Rosie - Thou shouldst e'er ignore what Beth saith.
  • Chalky - I died on the first day of Spring
  • Raak - And lay dead as a very dead thing
  • Rosie - I nourish the worms
  • Juxtapose - But can't come to terms
  • Irouléguy - With r&b, swingbeat or bling
  • Raak - The one thing to remember is this:
  • penelope - Keep your feet wide apart when you piss sorrysorrysorry
  • Darren - Urine-soaked feet
  • Software - For girl's is not neat
  • Tuj - You'll not be number one for a kiss.
  • Rosie - The good folk of Tierra del Fuego
  • Bif - Know just how to make a good play go
  • Juxtapose - Their theatre's fame
  • Kim - Derives from its name:
  • Software - "The Performers of Japanese Plays - No"
  • penelope - The insurance you sold me's no cushion
  • Darren - So don't come back round to me pushin'
  • Bigsmith - With your foot in the door
  • Botherer - Your patter's a bore
  • Kim - So scram, or I'll clobber yer mush in!
  • Align -
  • Software - Let's open a new pack of verses
  • penelope - So cough up, chaps, and open your purses
  • Darren - They cost a pound each
  • Irouéguy - The basics we'll teach
  • Juxtapose - Of rhyming and meter and curses
  • Darren - The people who live down the road
  • penelope - Have cornered the market in woad
  • Raak - They paint themselves blue
  • Snodgrass - An interesting hue
  • Knobbly - Then explode like a germanic toad (what a great story that was)
  • Knobbly - Actually; following on from the aborted bifurcating limerick...
    As you eat this Duck à l'Uranium
  • Raak - To the sound of the sweet-toned harmanium (which is like a harmonium, but more harmanous)
  • Chalky - You might catch a queck (which is like quick but more quacky)
  • Irouléguy - peek at the old beck (which is like a bick, but sharper)
  • Kim - Or dig around inside its cranium. (which is a bit like a...oh, sod it.)
  • Botherer - One holiday weekend in May
  • Raak - I went to a very strange play
  • irach - Just an empty old stage
  • Darren - Holding Nicholas Cage
  • CdM - With music by John. Stay away.
  • Juxtapose - I wish I could play violin
  • penelope - 'Cos fiddling is said to be 'in'
  • Darren - Like fiddling the books
  • Irouléguy - With too many cooks
  • Kiwi Chris - Can lead to many a sin
  • Kiwi Chris - rats misaligned
  • Kim - In politics, all is not fair
  • Darren - Unless you support Tony Blair
  • Chalky - Whose radical stance
  • Irouléguy - on invading France
  • Botherer - Touched the heart of the public right there.
  • Rosie - The wilderness threatens my garden
  • Juxtapose - So in tactics I beg no one's pardon
  • Chalky - I'll brandish this scythe
  • Software - And Paraquat-ize
  • ImNotJohn - And wait for the green concrete to harden
  • Projoy - Bordellos in Brighton-on-Sea
  • Projoy - Actually, scrub that, probably has more potential as:
    Bordellos on Frinton-on-Sea
  • Botherer - Are the place where we'd all like to be
  • Rosie - Yes, grab a granny
  • Chalky - And then shag a trannie [oh dear- SO sorry - very naughty]
  • Rosie - with no need to fear pregnancee. ©G & S
  • Kim - I bring you the following news:
  • Uncle Korky - The government's bought Rodney Bewes
  • muttleee - They're selling Mo Mowlam
  • ImNotJohn - (She was just a golem)
  • penelope - And increasing the tax on left shoes [Chalks] Re: Rude line - I wrote almost the same one myself but then thought better of it and didn't post it!
  • Chalky -
    [pen] ah yes, my 'bravery'. Look at the time of posting :-)
    [Rosie] Top finishing btw
    [K,UK,m,INJ,p] latest lim - bravo!
  • Kim - She attributes her high popularity
  • st dogmael - To her straightforward honest vulgarity
  • Software - Her Je ne sais quoi
  • muttleee - And the size of her bra Sorry...
  • Uncle Korky - Are the cause of much frequent hilarity.
  • Kim - Oh, woe and alas and alack!
  • Raak - My baby's been caught smoking crack!
  • Rosie - I do hope her craving
  • penelope - Will stop her from shaving
  • Chalky - The fur off our guinea pig's back.
  • Ella - I've been lost for a rather long time
  • rab - Got stuck in the sunniest clime
  • Botherer - It might sound inviting
  • Juxtapose - But not when you're fighting
  • Rosie - for rhyme so sublime it will chime.
  • Kim - Tomorrow, I think I'll go fishing
  • Snodgrass - My Wife wont even know that I'm missing
  • Software - I'll take stacks of beer
  • Uncle Korky - To the end of the pier
  • penelope - And over the end I'll be pissing oblig.
  • Kim - Of first lines, I'm heartily sick (six out of the last nine, including this one)
  • Uncle Korky - They really do get on my wick
  • Software - So next time I'll wait
  • Rosie - till I see the bait (pen) Isn't that rather difficult for the fair sex?
  • Kim - Then in my 10p's worth I'll stick!
  • Kim - [Rosie: a propos your comment to pen: my family and I (including my wife's mother) were out for a walk in the New Forest some while ago. Half way through the walk, my mother-in-law had to heed the call of nature and took herself off the path. My younger son, Sam, noticed her absence. "Where's Grandma Alice gone?", he asked. "She's gone to do a wee-wee", my wife told him. He absorbed this information and we moved on. After a few moments, he tugged at my sleeve. I leaned down and he whispered urgently into my ear: "how's she going to hit the tree?".
  • Kim - It seems I just can't stop this racket
  • Marc - Next time I may add one more bracket ;-)
  • Rosie - and layers of felt (Kim) He knows too much. :-)
  • Darren - Pulled from my belt
  • Juxtapose - And pockets I tore from your jacket a bit weak, but it seems nobody wanted to end this one...
  • Juxtapose - I double-post here to spare Kim
  • Software - For too many first lines is grim
  • Rosie - But third line is easy
  • penelope - By the fourth, I am queasy
  • CdM - Now we're done, so back over to him
  • !Kim - If you think this is me - well it's not
  • !penelope - But quite who it is, I forgot
  • !Dazed5 - It certainly aint me
  • !Chalky - And I am not he
  • !Dujon - So let's explore who we are - in the cot.
  • Chalky - Three hundred grams of hard cheese
  • Dazed5 - Lovingly applied to the knees
  • Software - Will server to save
  • penelope - A maid or a knave
  • Darren - From vicious attacks of large bees
  • Rosie - While applying a nice coat of lacquer
  • Chalky - My wrist just gets limper and slacker
  • Kim - But, once it dries off
  • Darren - I stiffen and cough
  • Software - Up that lump of slimy chew-bacca
  • irach - A frivolous lass from Manchester
  • Uncle Korky - Would go out wearing just a sou'wester
  • Irouléguy - She said "I'm not cold, *open quote alert*
  • Kim - and I'm told I'm quite bold, *continues*
  • Software - by the visiting fans up from Leicester."
  • Kim - I won't do it! No! You can't make me!!
  • rab - I will not go into that teepee
  • Raak - I'll stay in my yurt
  • Rosie - , my loins primly girt
  • Irach - I simply will not let you take me!
  • Juxtapose - A Rabbi, a Priest, and a goat
  • Simons Mith - Sought out the Conservative vote
  • Rosie - For each was a Tory
  • Software - A right fairy story
  • Uncle Korky - Politically, they've missed the boat.
  • Irouléguy - The Cup has come back to North London
  • Chalky - It's fashioned from polycarbundun - that means 'crappy old plastic'
  • irach - It leaks like a sieve
  • Uncle Korky - But, as long as I live,
  • Juxtapose - I'll boast that at least we have won one
  • Botherer - To Bombay, a travelling circus Sorry... ;-)
  • Notoncompanytime - Made think us, say! what if we lurk us?
  • Projoy - So we hid in the corner
  • irach - Right behind the sauna
  • RedSnapper - So no one or nothing could irk us! :)!
  • Linearity -
  • Rosie - There was a young lass from Old Sarum
  • irach - Who found herself in a sheik's harem
  • Juxtapose - Though worried at first,
  • Irouléguy - She rallied and cursed: *open quotes implied*
  • Botherer - "They don't know I'm a boy! That'll scare 'em!"
  • penelope - [R,i,J,I,B] Heheheheh!
    It's not a good morning for all
  • Raak - Who stayed up too late at the ball
  • Projoy - For wine has effects
  • RedSnapper - On some types of sex
  • Botherer - Male or female, this mess will appal
  • Juxtapose - I met a harpoonist from Munich
  • Raak - Who was seeing a Swiss gnome from Zurich
  • Projoy - He whimpered and whaled
  • Botherer - Then simpered and sailed Open alert...
  • irach - Away in his shocking pink tunic
  • Uncle Korky - Bangaladesh have collapsed
  • Chalky - [UK] What sort of Line 1 is that?
  • Juxtapose - For their use of good grammar has lapsed
  • Rosie - Can we speak Bengali? I think that's their language.
  • Uncle Korky - The metre and length are there, and it's a reference to the first day's play in the first test match.
  • Chalky - [UK] sorry, I did rather pounce on you. Just a build up of mild frustration that after some wonderful free-flowing limericks over the last couple of months, this game seems to have become clogged up by clever-arse rhyming challenges. Spelling it out: Bangladesh has only two 'a's' so you've inserted an extra syllable; using a proper singular noun, the line should read 'has collapsed'; how many rhymes are there for a word ending in '-lapsed' apart from other words ending in, er ... '-lapsed'?; finally, test match eh? whoopee-dee
  • Uncle Korky - Curses! Let down by my spelling! Oh bugger it.
  • Line and length -
  • Irouléguy - Move along now, nothing to see Giving up the previous one for dead
  • Darren - Except for the glory of me
  • Rosie - clad only in pants (Chalky) Uncle K's spelling mistake improved the scansion no end, whether by accident or design. I'd like to think the latter. Am I right, UK?
  • Uncle Korky - As I gyrate and dance Northern pronunciation invoked. (Rosie) Of course! Ahem... Well, as I said above, I felt the scansion was fine, and I defend my use of 'Bangladesh' as a plural noun to refer to a team of individuals!
  • Chalky - A fine jig called 'The Maid of Tralee' [UK defence] quite right too! Now what about the '-lapsed' rhyme potential? teehee :-)
  • Kim - They say that obsession with cricket
  • Darren - Makes you throw a ball and not kick it
  • irach - Start yelling "Howzat!"
  • Projoy - And "Look at my bat!"
  • Irouléguy - And "Read the new Lemony Snicket." For a slightly spooky experience, try Googling "The maid of Tralee" (with the quote marks).
  • Darren - A golfer with only one club [Irouléguy] Try clicking on the "repeat the search with the omitted results included" for a heavy dose of repetition.
  • Juxtapose - Will oft find his ball in a shrub
  • Ella - This provides explanation
  • Rosie - of tight-lipped vexation
  • RedSnapper - Venting frustration o'er his flub
  • widey - Don't ever play poker with Mice!
  • Irouléguy - And don't let the cats near the dice!
  • Juxtapose - Don't play a smidgen
  • Botherer - Of chess with a pigeon
  • Rosie - or brag with a goat. That's vice.
  • Kim - Avoid playing boule with a sloth
  • Raak - And don't trust a Romulan's oath
  • Simons Mith - When he bellows, "Oh, blast!"
  • Darren - Get out of there fast!
  • muttleee - Or else it's the end for you both.
  • gabrielized - There once was a fair maid from Skye
  • irach - Who would bathe in a tub full of lye
  • Darren - She'd scrub with wire wool
  • Knobbly - (The naïve young fool)
  • Rosie - those parts in which men like to lie.
  • Juxtapose - The difference between you and me
  • Kim - Is obvious. What? Can't you see?
  • Software - Just look down here
  • Botherer - There's nothing to fear
  • Darren - I've filled up my basement with brie
  • Kim - I never eat lobster or crab
  • Raak - On the whole, I prefer food quite drab
  • gabrielized - Don't mention a taco
  • irach - Tex-Mex gets me wacko
  • Darren - Yes, bread rolls (I say) are just fab.
  • RedSnapper - A potter from Guadalajara
  • irach - Was enamoured of Maureen O'Hara
  • Software - So he threw a pot
  • Darren - In the shape of her bot
  • Rosie - For use in films that don't star 'er.
  • Juxtapose - There once was a lonely young Tsar [oh you brits and your adorable vowels]
  • Dujon - Who searched for a bride wide and far
  • Software - In the Urals and Steppes
  • Darren - He found some sales reps [Software] "Steppes" is a bloody hard rhyme.
  • irach - Who were wider than his Bentley car
  • Rosie - While charging my printer with ink
  • gabrielized - I said to my spouse with a wink
  • irach - "How 'bout a quickie?"
  • widey - it'll be nice "n" sticky
  • Darren - My inkjet is hard, stiff and pink." (yes, coat)
  • rab - Whilst scanning the paper for news
  • Rosie - as distinct from political views
  • Projoy - I chanced on a story
  • Breadmaster - Both funny and gory
  • Darren - Of pool players impaled on cues
  • Projoy - So, pot all the reds and screw back
  • Darren - And try to get onto the black [obvious rhyme]
  • Rosie - Then chalk your tip
  • Uncle Korky - And prepare to let rip
  • Software - Damn it! Just can't get the knack!
  • Projoy - Eheu Alack and Alas!
  • Projoy - + ,
  • Projoy - Actually, let me take another run up at that, for a better rhyme...
    Eheu, alas and alack!
  • Botherer - A lass is, alas, what I lack
  • Raak - So I'll look for a lad
  • Snodgrass - Can it be that bad?
  • Rosie - if I don't mind what goes up my back? Ahem
  • Projoy - [Rosie] Considering the available rhymes, I think you showed admirable restraint there!
    Believe me, it's going to snow.
  • irach - This is Antarctica, that's how I know
  • RedSnapper - The penguins are huddled
  • Darren - But my mind is muddled
  • Botherer - Watch out! It's just ready to blow
  • Simons Mith - Uhu, alas and alack
  • Rosie - , is the glue-sniffer's version of crack (Projoy) :-) I am capable of such. I thought it was about rude enough.
  • Darren - It sticks things together
  • irach - Be they wood, steel or leather
  • Knobbly - Why doesn't it stick to the pack?
  • Botherer -
    Uhuru, alas and alek!
  • Chalky - That momma ain't got no respec'
  • Rosie - She got soft-boiled heggs
  • RedSnapper - And dem unshaven legs
  • Darren - And wrinkles all over her neck
  • Projoy - Why, George, that's the best of the year!
  • Raak - Took an age, but worth waiting, my dear!
  • Botherer - The thing I most like
  • plump - Is an interest rate hike
  • irach - And a drop in the price of my beer
  • Kim - My alias, Alec O'Hara
  • Projoy - Wears orange and ocre mascara
  • Raak - His glitter-gel pen
  • penelope - Gives a rash, now and then
  • Darren - But makes him look like Che Guevara
  • Projoy - Establish your characters first
  • irach - The hero's dashing, the villian's the worst
  • Darren - The love interest's next
  • Raak - With scenes of hot sex
  • RedSnapper - And the heroine's bodice all burst
  • Botherer - Now send it straight to Mills and Boon
  • Rosie - (whose office with virgins is strewn)
  • irach - Their readers adore
  • Software - Affairs by the score
  • Raak - And sex by the light of the moon.
  • Projoy - Prepare for a minuscule death
  • Software - Don't even take a last breath
  • Kim - Your quietus make
  • Rosie - as your life we Snopake
  • RedSnapper - 'Tis come-uppance for stalking Gwyneth
  • Projoy - Salubrious parts of the town
  • Klaproth - Are located quite a way down
  • Raak - The old Royal Mile
  • Software - So go there with style
  • RedSnapper - With cigars, and dressed like a clown
  • Klaproth - The pedantic ethnologist screamed
  • Projoy - For language was not as it seemed
  • irach - Since Phoenician vowels
  • Darren - Would sound from the bowels
  • RedSnapper - And consonants emerge therefrom, steamed
  • Klaproth - A disgusting limerick, to be sure
  • Raak - Should be full of the stench of manure
  • Projoy - And filled up with sick
  • Rosie - jokes about Jackson's dick
  • Suzfork - To dirty the minds of the pure
  • Projoy -
    Hypnosis with strawberry jam
  • irach - Can be undone with shortcake and ham
  • Darren - Waved before one's left eye
  • Klaproth - With a slice of Jewish rye
  • gabrielized - And really not giving a damn!
  • Realinement -
  • Projoy - A cell that is eukaryotic
  • Klaproth - That's steeped in substances narcotic
  • Drew - Has a nucleotide
  • Juxtapose - Thats prone to divide
  • Dujon - To produce an antibiotic
  • irach - Prions in brains of mad bovinesc
  • Kim - And the rancid remains of dead ovines (fifth line rhyme gauntlet laid down)
  • Software - If you think this is bad
  • Darren - Then you must be mad
  • Klaproth - And should be held in well-kept confines
  • Klaproth - Yipsody yapsody yok
  • Chalky - Wha-a-a-a-?
  • Klaproth - Whaaaaaat?
  • Rosie - The mouse ran up the clock Attempting a benign recovery. Must be going soft.
  • Kim - The clock struck eleven
  • Darren - The mouse went to heaven
  • Drew - Yipsody yapsody yok It was the logical choice
  • Projoy - A cursory glance would suggest
  • Raak - That this game has matured past its best
  • Kim - Or perhaps that's just us
  • Rosie - 'cos we do make a fuss
  • irach - C'mon all, it's all just in jest
  • Irouléguy - A limerick's no laughing matter
  • Drew - It's more than mundane idle chatter
  • irach - It must be seriously taken
  • Klaproth - And leaves some of us shaken My apologies.
  • Chalky - But time your illusions will shatter
    To the faithful - this game invariably goes through crap phases [like now]. Luckily, it usually dusts itself down and becomes occasionally brilliant without too much prodding.
  • Chalky - 'Keep it simple' my tutor advised
  • Rosie - Complexity's to be despised
  • RedSnapper - The more succinct the better
  • Raak - Good metre's no fetter
  • Projoy - To keeping your list'ner surprised
  • Marc - My poofreader wrote I was wong,
  • Chalky - So I sent my first draught to Hong Kong
  • Kim - And lo and behold
  • penelope - The noodles were cold
  • irach - As was ym Eggy Foo Yong
  • Rosie - I've now installed an extractor . . . . getting into home dentistry
  • penelope - A turbine and nuclear reactor
  • Projoy - But my house is still cold!
  • RedSnapper - Fission's best, I was told
  • Botherer - But forgot thermostats in to factor
  • Drew - A centipede learned how to dance
  • irach - A fifty-leg pirouette prance
  • Rosie - But it just cannot jive
  • gabrielized - With my big brother Clive
  • penelope - As fast as these forty-odd ants
  • Projoy - Talking of centipedes, how about adding extra feet? (one per line)
    The earliest type of the Irish commode
  • Darren - Was made from the skin of a leathery toad
  • Chalky - My grandfather used one for racing {is that right?]
  • Marc - While virgins so chaste he was chasing{did he use a toad or a commode, and was he chaste?}
  • Raak - But had to take care or the pot overflowed.
    Perhaps better as a glow centipede?
    The earliest type of the Irish commode
    Was made from the skin of a leathery toad
    Its warts gave one's nethers a jolly good scratch
    And when it wore out it was easy to patch.
  • irach - When my parachute did not quite open
  • RedSnapper - I plummeted down and kept hopin'
  • Darren - The ground would be soft
  • Raak - Where I stopped being aloft
  • Projoy - And for seconds it helped me with copin' [Raak] Isn't that more of a cleripede?
  • Darren - [Projoy] Except a "cleripede" would be impossible, because you can't add feet to a poem with no metre, can you?
  • Rosie - The good folk of Minsk, Belarus
  • CdM - Recently offered a truce (but to whom, to whom...?)
  • Drew - To the men of Ukraine
  • Darren - Who said, "What? Again?"
  • RedSnapper - "No! We think this is merely a ruse"
  • Projoy - [Darren] I was more referring to the way it used AABB rhyming structure instead of the ABCB of the glow worm. I perhaps meant "imposing feet upon the Clerihew".
    'Twas Clerihew Bentley, I think,
  • Chalky - Who caused the Belgrano to sink
  • Marc - As he pulled out his plug
  • Raak - And it started to glug
  • Irouléguy - He said "It's gone down in the drink."
  • irach - The Reverend Spooner, 'tis said
  • RedSnapper - Beamed when his queer dean was wed
  • Rosie - but not to Friar Tuck
  • Darren - Who he called "fat duck"
  • Marc - As he crushed their newly laid bed (matrimoni is not a sin!)
  • Marc - He said: "I have sailed seven seas,"
  • Raak - "In search of the perfect green cheese"
  • Software - But alas and alack
  • irach - Ive found blue, I've found black
  • RedSnapper - But none in the hue of green peas
  • Rosie - Tonight there's been lightning and thunder (Chalky) How did Edmond Clerihew Bentley cause the Belgrano to sink. I think we should be told.
  • gabrielized - And a'tearing my garments asunder
  • Software - The humidity's high
  • penelope - From my neck to my thigh
  • Raak - And it's too hot to eat -- I'd just chunder!
  • irach - "Abracadabra !" said the wizard
  • RedSnapper - Dropping into his potion, a lizard
  • Darren - And a piece of a frog
  • Marc - Two fried balls of a hog
  • Rosie - And from his own pet warthog, the gizzard. Brothers and sisters, let us all puke.
  • Kim - Quoth the hoary old priest, "Let us pray"
  • Raak - "That the rain won't stop tennis this day"
  • Projoy - "It's God's favoured game"
  • irach - So take the Lord's name
  • RedSnapper - So that He can keep showers away"
  • Drew - "I'm back!", cried the happy young man
  • Irouléguy - I survived the war in Iran
  • Software - But President Bush
  • irach - Kicked us all in the tush
  • Kim - In the way that only he can.
  • Chalky - Resign if you must - I don't care!
  • RedSnapper - You can sue me in court -if you dare!
  • Darren - But you must not try
  • Tuj - To poke me in the eye
  • gabrielized - Or all of your sins I'll lay bare.
  • Tuj -
    I find, when I travel in vans
  • Projoy - That there's not enough room for my fans
  • penelope - My groupies and flunkeys
  • Tuj - And trained helper-monkeys
  • Chalky - Are forced to stay over at Gran's
  • Chalky - Gran's last guests were Hansel and Gretel
  • Dujon - While Grandad's were Debbie and Petal
  • Projoy - While I entertained
  • Marc - With arts unexplained (who's slash?)
  • Software - Bands: rock, punk, heavy metal.
  • Projoy - So what's Shangri-La when at home?
  • RedSnapper - It's to lie in a bathtub in foam
  • Botherer - And feast on the feeling
  • penelope - Of pruning and peeling
  • Rosie - And arouse yourself with a comb.
  • irach - While trekking in Lhasa, Tibet
  • Dandalf - I met a piano quintet
  • RedSnapper - The head lama played Liszt
  • Software - Another was pissed
  • muttleee - I'm taking one home as a pet
  • Tuj - I noticed my armpits got sweaty
  • Effable - whenever I thought of my Betty
  • Rosie - My hyperhydrosis
  • Chalky - Backs up the prognosis
  • Software - That I need to cool off on the jetty.
  • Marc - Last night as she entered her bed,
  • Dandalf - My sweat glands started to shed
  • Software - Big globules of puss
  • Chalky - Puss?! As in cat? Priceless. Carry on chaps ...
  • Rosie - Ah med a reet fuss attempting a rescue.....
  • RedSnapper - 'Bout disgusting lim'ricks - 'nuff said
  • Software - O to be a perfect type - ist
  • Raak - And to be a flawless rhymist (the scansion, on the other hand...)
  • Marc - That's a dream we all have, (Then tonite I’d want to get pissed!)
  • penelope - As we sit on the lav There's only one direction this 'limerick' is going, and that's daaaahhhnnnn
  • Irouléguy - After riches (still top of the list)
  • Chalky - Let's all get in tune with the nation
  • irach - And channel our exasperation
  • RedSnapper - To make a wrong right
  • Software - We'll work through the night did think of "We'll kick the shite" but thought it might not pass the PC test.
  • Wol - In a fever of pheromonation. There's a PC test?
  • Tuj - When you want to re-boot your PC
  • irach - Make sure the keyboard's not greasy
  • Drew - Press "Ctrl-Alt-Del" pronounced "delete", not "del"
  • Raak - And all will be well
  • muttleee - Let's try (It's a bit of a cheat) instead. [Raak] Do pay attention... ;-)
  • Chalky - So long as you press the right key, see? / So long as you press the right key, see?
    .. bifurcation to validate BOTH line 4s [mutt - I'm sure Raak knew exactly what he was doing]:-)
  • Rosie - A young chap from Horncastle, Lincs
  • nights - went once to see the Sphinx
  • gabrielized - He loved his dear camel
  • Kim - Whom he named after Pamel-
  • Projoy - a Anderson. Why? 'cause she stinks.
  • Raak - A mad bomber from -- no, too soon for that I think.

    On a stroll in the gardens of Kew [Chalky] Well, I know now, I didn't see the middle two words.

  • Irouléguy - I discovered a cure for the 'flu
  • Projoy - Once I'd eaten the herb
  • Rosie - the bugs to disturb
  • irach - And it cured too my coeliac sprue
  • Projoy - "Play 'Misty' for me!", bellowed Wendy.
  • RedSnapper - To her new man - a Turkish effendi
  • nights - He played not a note
  • irach - Nor strummed his sarod
  • Rosie - Or blew on his brass horn so bendy.
  • Juxtapose - I know I've been gone for a while
  • Projoy - And left in a worrying style
  • penelope - But I've now done my time
  • nights - And constructed a rhyme
  • Chalky - To puzzle, bemuse and beguile:

    My first letter looks like a tent
    My second's a coin oft spent
    Then ditto for three
    The fourth's a trainee
    And my last is the vowel in Lent

  • penelope - [Chalks]*hasn't seen a doctor in months* (dammit, because some of them are actually quite good-looking)
  • irach - In a fairy tale that I once heard
  • Rosie - McDonalds serve fresh lemon curd
  • RedSnapper - Causing Little Miss Muffet
  • penelope - To 'Go Large' on her tuffet Oblig.
  • Projoy - Until her-locution is slurred
  • Tuj - I stood in the nude and yelled "Stalin!"
  • Rosie - It didn't go down too well in Tallinn
  • Irouléguy - The Estonians booed
  • retiredpete - The Lithuanians sued
  • Botherer - Made a great document'ry for Palin Is assonance allowed...?
  • Chalky - On this notable day for the French
  • Uncle Korky - They set fire to a large garden bench
  • Projoy - It's forty foot high
  • Raak - The flames reached to the sky
  • Rosie - But the smoke and the soot please don't mench'. (Bothere) Eh? I thought it was "Pay-lin".
  • Botherer - [Rosie] That's why I asked about assonance. In the word's of Rita, "Getting the rhyme wrong..."
    A lim'rick with dubious rhymes
  • Rosie - Is barely worth nickels and dimes I don't want this to develop into a punch-up but shurely "assonance" means getting the rhyme right. Did you mean "dissonance", as Google might patronisingly ask.
  • Irouléguy - It doesn't make cents My dictionary gives 'assonance' as 'partial correspondence; rough similarity', so Botherer is right about that, even if he doesn't know how to use apostrophes. *evil grin*
  • Botherer - [Irouléguy] Doh! It's a fair cop!
  • Projoy - And it's camp as pink tents
  • Chalky - Much in line with The Financial Times.
  • Projoy - I'm rowing the rivers for fun
  • Rosie - While attempting a painting in oils (Irouléguy) I'm not going to give this up. :-) My Concise Oxford Dictionary (1964) says of assonance that the vowels must be the same but not necessarily the consonants, this being the partial correspondence you mention. Since it's vowels we're talking about I claim victory, virtue and points, and what do points mean? Derailments.
  • Rosie - Oh, shit! Projoy, how dare you!
  • Kim - My subject declares
  • Rosie - in four spades, no less . . . going with the flow
  • Raak - "I'm so glad it wasn't a hornet!"
  • irach - A verse lacking reason or rhyme
  • Juxtapose - Can be seen around here all the time
  • Botherer - Just don't get involved [Rosie, IRG et al] Beyond the point of caring :-P
  • Knobbly - Things are easily solved
  • Rosie - Just call it a victimless crime. (Raak) :-)
  • Juxtapose - I once met a man from Morocco
  • Rosie - where they don't get the scorching scirocco Meteorological correctness is all.
  • RedSnapper - Just a pleasant mistral
  • penelope - Which slams doors in the hall yeah, yeah, I know it doesn't rhyme perfectly, but the picture in my head is nice :o)
  • Chalky - And winds up the chaps on our block oh

    What a pleasure it is to be given such challenging rhyming opportunities. And to get two such challenges in the one limerick! Appropos of everything - this may be of some interest to enthusiastic limerickators :-)

  • Marc - To know when to keep ones mouth shut
  • Raak - 'Cos one's poesy don't make the cut
  • Irouléguy - A male attribute? raising the controversy level...
  • Rosie - No, that I'd refute (Chalky) I had thought of adding " . . and God help the fifth-liner" in the last limerick.
  • plump - The very idea,indeed, tut tut
  • Forgotten_____ -
  • irach - It is said that the pharaoh, King Tut
  • Projoy - Had a frantic aversion to fruit
  • irach - The mere thought of a plum
  • RedSnapper - Left him forlorn and glum
  • Dandalf - And with bad indigestion to boot!
  • Rosie - The storms of the wild Southern Ocean
  • Raak - Make a very unsettling commotion
  • Kim - Whose effect on landlubbers
  • penelope - Dustmen, nurses and clubbers
  • RedSnapper - Evokes tormentuous emotion
  • Kim - O, list to these omens portentuous
  • irach - Yon Cassius' a Roman contemptuous
  • Rosie - But he has feet of Clay
  • Darren - So send him away!
  • RedSnapper - And let's bring in Marcus Antonius
  • Chalky - While making his last bid for glory
  • Software - Michael Howard, the wily old Tory
  • Irouléguy - stripped anked and swam apologies to anyone eating their lunch
  • RedSnapper - Asking, "What's 'anked', kind Ma'am?"
  • irach - And displaying his assets, quite hoary.
  • muttleee - The weekend is finally here I couldn't decide whether Irouléguy had got the letters in the wrong order or simply left one out.
  • Peter M - Lawks m'm, it's the police
  • penelope - I'll be loafing and vegging, right here [PM] we have nothing to hide but our genius ;o)
  • Irouléguy - Opening a bottle blushes deeply
    muttleee] It's the first one - a venial sin, not a mortal one.
  • RedSnapper - And binging, full throttle
  • CdM - On the whisky and beer I've got here.
  • Juxtapose - While reading some tales Canterbury
  • Software - Of widows and others quite merry
  • irach - I marvelled at Chaucer's
  • Rosie - linguistic enforcers
  • Chalky - But thought the sex unnecessary. well .. someone had to finish it :-)
  • penelope - [Chalks] Bravo!
    In my dreams, I'm a dustbin man's moll
  • Rosie - He whispers his love, "Aw'ight, doll?"
  • RedSnapper - "I'd like ta talk dirty"
  • Raak - "'mong the garbage get flirty"
  • penelope - I came top in the Binman's Moll Poll
  • Irouléguy - pen hates it when subordinates sulk
  • Dazed5 - So she buys pink highlighters in bulk
  • irach - She then hands them all out
  • iredSnapper - Before they all pout
  • Chalky - Or make stupid faces, or skulk. [RSnap] I think the pink pens caused the sulking ...
  • Darren - The best time of year to grow leeks
  • Knobbly - Are the three intermediate weeks What I want to know is, how did it realise I had spent so long thinking of a first line that Darren beat me to it and point it out?
  • Juxtapose - When Winter's well-spent
  • penelope - and the first days of Lent I proof read with pink pen. I don't let anyone else use it, and I certainly don't hand them out!
  • irach - By calendars of Orthodox Greeks
  • Ella - "The reason is clear" he explained
  • penelope - "When the grime and the grease are ingrained unfini...
  • Botherer - In the prints on your fingers, Still unfin...
  • Rosie - and foul odour lingers
  • Darren - It's time for your bath to be drained."
  • Kim - He continued, "I think you will find
  • penelope - "That a dirty bath cleanses the mind,"
  • Darren - And, proving his point,
  • Irouleguy - He swivelled his joint
  • Rosie - and mounted the duck from behind.
  • irach - I've heard mud packs are great for complexion
  • Software - Along with a Botox® injection
  • Darren - To the front of the brain
  • penelope - Straight into a vein
  • Juxtapose - To give you that facial erection
  • RedSnapper - To poke fun at a pig in a poke
  • Software - One needs an insensitive bloke
  • Raak - Who lunches on cats
  • Projoy - And wears bright purple spats
  • Darren - Such as the men one finds in Stoke
  • Projoy - Your claims have no basis in fact
  • Software - Men of Stoke have oodles of tact
  • Irouléguy - And manners to spare
  • penelope - So if you are there
  • irach - You'll see that their brains are intact
  • Darren - Unfortunately, they are insane
  • Darren - So is my scansion. Let's try again.
    Unfortunately, they're insane
  • RedSnapper - Or so say the folks from Brisbane
  • Software - But how would they know?
  • Kim - Since they so seldom go
  • irach - Anywhere Northwest of Ukraine
  • Rosie - There was a young fellow called Keith
  • RedSnapper - Who sported elongated teeth
  • Software - He would prey in the night
  • penelope - For morsels to bite
  • Juxtapose - And thusly his curse would bequeath
  • Juxtapose -
  • Kim - There was a young feller called Ernie
  • Projoy - Who appeared in E.R. - on a gurney
  • Knobbly - He hadn't a line
  • irach - But just let out a whine
  • muttleee - As he acted the end of life's journey No flowers please. Sniffle.
  • Darren - When you become overly tired [continuing from "thusly" above]
  • RedSnapper - You may appear badly attired
  • irach - With two mismatched socks
  • Projoy - And your sisters best frocks
  • Projoy - (insert apostrophe wherever desired)
  • Rosie - and those black shiny stockings you hired.
  • Projoy - The sandman is coming, my dear
  • Juxtapose - Night drapes our celestial sphere
  • Raak - If you shut your eyes tight
  • Kim - And wish hard, you just might
  • penelope - In the morning, with luck, still be here
  • RedSnapper - Are those French fries called French by the French?
  • irach - Ask that lady of wisdom, Dame Dench
  • Software - No, the French call then Frites
  • Darren - Because of their heat
  • Projoy - And apply them to feet - cures the stench
    I drift in a boat on the ocean
  • Projoy -
    I drift in a boat on the ocean
  • Darren - And rub, on my skin, suntan lotion
  • RedsSnapper - My feet get Huile d'Frites [see above]
  • Juxtapose - As the French say, tout de suite,
  • Software - But my vomiting's due to the motion.
  • Rosie - And now let us celebrate summer
  • Software - Tho' the weather's a bit of a bummer
  • irach - We'll just be beach bums
  • Darren - Each downing neat rums
  • Irouléguy - Before driving off in our Hummer
  • Chalky - If you want to impress an old flame
  • Darren - Invite her to go on the game
  • Software - For cricket she'll love
  • Projoy - With bat, balls and glove
  • Gruff - But removing the stumps was a pain
  • Darren -
    My favourite firework of all
  • Robin - Is this rocket that stands six foot tall
  • Botherer - The touchpaper lit
  • Rosie - It then scares the shit
  • Starsky - out of children who stand under it
  • Starsky - In the beautiful waters so clear
  • Software - Fixing Starsky's F*uck-up

    Darren - My favourite firework of all
    Robin - Is this rocket that stands six foot tall
    Botherer - The touchpaper lit
    Rosie - It then scares the shit
    Software - Out of us as sparks from it fall

    Starsky - In the beautiful waters so clear

  • Software - Swam two little creatures quite queer
  • Darren - Their antics and games
  • Wymo - Went up in flames
  • RedSnapper - Burning offshore oilrigs being near.
  • Kim - The weekend's upon us at last!
  • irach - I'm sure we'll all have a blast!
  • penelope - That's dangerous talk!
  • Wymo - Said Mindy to Mork
  • Irouléguy - "You're likely to get us both glassed"
  • Rosie - An odd-looking bird is the stork
  • Juxtapose - But tasty with onions and pork
  • RedSnapper - It delivers babies
  • irach - And can't transmit rabies
  • Software - But its voice is much better than Bjork
  • penelope - A chicken which once crossed the road
  • Wymo - Fell in love with a natterjack toad
  • Raak - It stopped for a chat
  • Rosie - Result, they begat
  • Dandalf - A fowl in amphibian mode
  • Line_ prompt -
  • irach - A chicken that's born with frog's legs
  • penelope - Results from the scrambling of eggs
  • RedSnapper - When cloning goes wrong
  • Juxtapose - You'll find it's not long
  • Wymo - Before the gene pool is nothing but dregs
  • Kim - A tune in the Dorian mode
  • Software - Sung by a natterjack toad
  • Darren - Is likely to cause
  • Irouléguy - loud, ringing applause
  • blamelewis - From the bloke in the pub 'cross the road.
  • irach - Unlike froggies, most toads are all warty
  • ImNotJohn - Green, slimy and not very sporty
  • Wymo - They don't like to joke
  • RedSnapper - Or eat artichoke
  • penelope - Or do anything cheeky or naughty
  • blamelewis - By golly that just takes the biscuit!
  • Rosie - Ten quid for some gristly old brisket
  • Ciaran - That's just taking the piss
  • Software - My arse you can kiss
  • penelope - The feeling is nice if you risk it
    hmmm... didn't like that much, but oh well.
    When will my tomatoes be ripe?
  • Raak - They go so well with custard and tripe
  • Software - Just place in the sun
  • Irouléguy - You'll know when they're done
  • Rosie - If you are a greenhousey type.
  • irach - Tomatoes make such great bruschetta
  • Software - With a glass of Peroni® much better
  • RedSnapper - Add some antipasta
  • irach - And Laetitia Casta [Simply scrumpotious!]
  • Marc - Then gently bend over toiletta
  • Marc - So swiftly he mounted his horse
  • Wymo - That he fell off into the gorse
  • Kim - I said, "That'll learn 'im"
  • muttleee - As he fractured his sternum
  • blamelewis - Maybe now he'll agree to divorce. - pen - very funny ending to the biscuit one I thought!
  • Wymo - When your plant starts to wither and die
  • irach - You should let them pickle in lye
  • Darren - And then let them whiten
  • Rosie - The more so to frighten
  • Chalky - The Dark Gothic Masters of Rye [that was rubbish - I know - but no worse than going from a singular plant into the plural - gosh, I'm in bullish mode tonight]
  • Rosie - It's widely assumed that pigs sweat (Chalky) Yes, you are, aren't you. What's the weather like down there in Spiral City? :-)
  • Juxtapose - But just to be safe, ask the vet
  • Dandalf - He'll tell you, I'm sure,
  • Darren - That your pig is impure
  • penelope - If he don't use deodorant yet
  • Chalky - It is widely assumed that moles sing [R,J,D,D,p - nice]
  • Uncle Korky - A selection from Wagner's Ring
  • irach - The part of Brunnhilde
  • Darren - (Portrayed as a builder)
  • Rosie - Is a concession to feminist bling.
  • Software - It is said that owls they are wise
  • RedSnapper - As to why I can only surmise
  • Wymo - Since they can't do sudoku
  • Rosie - just like that bloke who (Wymo) Their wisdom is in doing something more interesting, such as perching.
  • Projoy - Can't also so he never tries
    "Pudenda"'s a funny old word
  • Darren - I'd use it if I were a bird
  • Rosie - As a bloke I'm more blunt careful.....
  • Juxtapose - With a wink and a grunt "careful" he says... *rolls eyes*
  • Dujon - Use another I'm sure you have heard.
  • Wymo - A walk by the Nile is just grand (Rosie) Indeed.
  • Darren - As I stroll with my love, hand in hand
  • Irouléguy - The crocodiles yawn
  • Rosie - They'd like some soft porn
  • Software - So they sit back an watch my grand stand. moving swiftly on...
  • irach - When crocodiles bask by the river
  • Tuj - Make sure that you cover your liver
  • Software - In onions and gravy
  • RedSnapper - And call out the Navy
  • penelope - 'Cos they're all sure to want a thin sliver
  • Projoy - Relax and lie back in this chair
  • Rosie - Said the dentist, a man without care
  • Software - This may not be nice
  • Uncle Korky - But you take my advice
  • Darren - Be thankful I don't drill down there
  • blamelewis - [Darren] well done - I was havering with You've got to brush more than your hair! but was thinking it was rather boringly unsubversive...
  • blamelewis - You've got to brush more than your hair Waste not...
  • Darren - Your teeth, for example, and where Unfinished sentence...
  • RedSnapper - The sun doesn't shine
  • Projoy - At the base of your spine
  • Simons Mith - Then plait it and look debonair
    Just sit down carefully afterwards, is my advice.
  • Tuj - When digging up bodies at night
  • Projoy - You may meet with a ghostie or sprite
  • irach - They may glow in the dark
  • Darren - And pinch bums for a lark
  • Software - And somtimes they'll give you a fright
  • Projoy - When playing a scale on the drums
  • Rosie - You get to a point when there comes (Pr) 'n' I fought you was musical
  • irach - A high "C" that sounds
  • Projoy - [Rosie] They could be timpani :P
  • Software - Outside of the bounds
  • RedSnapper - Of regular drum tum-ti-tums
  • Projoy - You coward, come 'ere and say that!
  • irach - My first-born is not- not a gay brat!,
  • blamelewis - Though often he's stroppy
  • penelope - His wrist is not floppy
  • Rosie - And supports Millwall, the daft twat. (Projoy) Could be! Nudge, nudge.
  • Projoy - Prepare for the pancake of death
  • Raak - Made from chocolate, beef lard, and meth
  • Rosie - It's highly emetic
  • irach - And quite anaaethetic
  • muttleee - And doesn't do much for your breath
  • Projoy - Now prepare for the pizza of life
  • Chalky - Topped with joy and a sprinkling of strife
  • Rosie - Try not to be cheesey
  • Raak - Life should be easy-peasy
  • Marc - Consumed in slices with a fork and a knife(using the scansion license #312)
  • Marc - Our license to life may expire
  • Projoy - If we find ourselves playing with fire (see CdM's recent hyperlink over at MCiOS by way of demonstration)
  • irach - For an arsonist's woes
  • Chalky - And inadequate prose
  • Rosie - May arouse a literary ire.
  • Juxtapose - There once was a man from New Delhi
  • Marc - Whose favorite dish was Cow Jelly
  • Software - But to eat sacred cow
  • Projoy - 's Something none will allow
  • Rosie - not e'en in the trendiest deli.
  • Projoy - A scunner, call'd Cambell by name
  • Software - Tried to set the McDonnalds aflame
  • Rosie - But he'd run out of matches Is this double mis-spelling deliberate, I ask myself.
  • gabrielized - And the terrible catch is
  • Dandalf - Big Mac Meals, not soup, enjoy fame. [Rosie] Probably to avoid being sued
  • Wymo - Prince Phillip was once heard to grumble
  • irach - When he tripped on a corgi and tumbled
  • Software - "Those bloody Chinese"
  • Projoy - "And their damn' bonsai trees"
  • Rosie - Why can't they be ever so 'umble?
  • Projoy - Please place all your goods in my hands
  • Rosie - Especially the fashionable brands
  • Kim - I'm referring, of course,
  • Wymo - To my job as clothes horse
  • Juxtapose - And this gun will back up my demands
  • Projoy - Splendiferous, Fabulous, Great!
  • Raak - It's the best thing that ever I ate!
  • Rosie - Can I have another?
  • Software - If it's not too much bother
  • Projoy - And this time, please leave me the plate (scuse rudeness, it just arrived in my head)
  • Wymo - An old man on the bus starts to ramble
  • RedSnappper - All the passengers begin to scramble
  • Chalky - Chaos ensued
  • Raak - When his rambling turned lewd
  • Ella - (He's a friend of 'McDonnald' and 'Cambell') please see above!
  • Ella - out of line! -
  • Rosie - Now let us all praise leafy Surrey Do your bloody worst, then :-)
  • irach - Where they make the most wonderful curry
  • Software - And Woking so gray
  • Raak - And Esher so gay
  • Kim - And Bagshot all covered in slurry.
  • Juxtapose - I met a young gunner named Lunz
  • Raak - Who wanted to go to bed soon'st
  • Chalky - His grand stra-te-gy
    To lie down before three
    Was scuppered by Field Marshall Gunz
  • Chalky - sorry - it just popped out fully-formed
  • Chalky - Please don't try to spoil my grand plan
  • Projoy - By beating my head with your fan
  • Software - For what I've conceived
  • Darren - Has got me quite peeved
  • Raak - And I must work as fast as I can
    [Chalky] ...as the bishop said to the actress.
  • Projoy - An ant in Antananarivo
  • Projoy - (A member, perhaps of the species noted at jodkowski.pl/we/Reuters003.html)
  • irach - Speaking Spanish, said loudly, “¡Yo vivo!
  • RedSnapper - Just then a grasshopper
  • Rosie - In coat, tails and topper Madagascar is a centre of haute couture, I'll have you know.
  • ImNotJohn - Leapt in and gave him the heave-ho
    got that one out of the way, at least
  • Projoy - Procure me tobacco, my love
  • Kim - And fetch me my slippers, my dove
  • RedSnapper - And do wag your tail
  • Wymo - As I sip my cold ale
  • Darren - And later I'll take you above
  • Rosie - There was a young lad from Calcutta
  • Wymo - Who liked to hit balls with his putter
  • Software - Men far and wide
  • RedSnapper - With more hurt than their pride
  • Dandalf - Regretted their brush with this nutter.
  • Chalky - Were we to proceed in this matter
  • penelope - With pointless, banal, inane chatter
  • Projoy - Then boredom were certain
  • Rosie - 'Twould e'en vex Paul Merton
  • Software - Who'd say we're as mad as a hatter
  • Rosie - Whilst trying to make non-lumpy gravy
  • Chalky - [A trick I had learned in the navy]
  • Wymo - I added some salt
  • irach - And some whisky (fine malt)
  • penelope - The swell sent the sailors all wavy
  • muttleee -
    It seems that bad light has stopped play
  • Wymo - And that sky looks awfully grey
  • Darren - For when we play darts
  • Juxtapose - In these northern parts
  • Software - We only play on a bright day
  • Projoy - I wouldn't think that was my car
  • irach - Without fuel it shouldn't go far
  • Software - So I'll panic-buy
  • Raak - And my tank won't be dry
  • Darren - I'll be the UK's Petrol Tzar.
  • Wymo - The Guardian seems to have shrunk in size
  • irach - It's not so good for swatting those flies
  • Software - But the crossword's the same
  • Rosie - (my attempts just as lame)
  • Darren - I just wish they'd show more bare thighs
  • Projoy - A pension is something you need
  • Rosie - A truism few young folk heed (Darren) Try the Torygraph, which is trying desperately to hold on to the retired-colonel-in-Hampshire readership.
  • Raak - If you save all your life
  • Marc - and insure your dear wife
  • Software - You may profit from a dastardly deed.
  • Rosie - There was a young lady called Hilda
  • IRACH - Who sought fame as a great body builder
  • muttleee - The size of her pecs
  • Uncle Korky - Made her friends nervous wrecks
  • Chalky - But her six-pack did mostly bewilder.
  • Darren - All Telegraph readers say this:
  • Rosie - It's the Home Service I really miss
  • Software - And you can take ITV
  • Wymo - Dump it into the sea
  • irach - And sink it into the abyss
  • Kim - You can say this about Arnold Palmer
  • Darren - Than many old golfers, he's calmer.
  • muttleee - Though he's strong as an ox
  • Raak - And he wears mismatched socks
  • Rosie - And never been on Panorama. Be grateful for small mercies.
  • Juxtapose - On Sunday my brother was wed [I got to give a toast!]
  • Marc - Then brought his young bride straight to bed,
  • Dandalf - On Monday he staggered
  • penelope - To his Mistress, the blackguard
  • Software - A cosy affair, 'nuff said
  • Rosie - While trying to sort out the plumbing Last one - V. good!
  • irach - I heard Super Mario humming
  • Software - So I blew down the pipe
  • Darren - A loud fart very ripe
  • Wymo - So in revenge he's taken up drumming - it's the only thing I could think of that isn't filthy
  • Darren -
    Way back in the reign of King John
  • Rosie - Whose follies we now dwell upon
  • Raak - The barons revolted
  • irach - The serfs they all bolted
  • Chalky - And Runnymede staged 'Magna-thon'
  • Software - While re-writing the old magna Carta
  • Wymo - I was attacked by a catholic martyr
  • Rosie - Who rose from the grave ...presumably...
  • irach - And made me a slave
  • Blob - Of the hon'rable Knights of the Garter
  • Rosie - While cooking a great fat pork chop
  • irach - I spied a large maggot on top
  • Pook - But as they're nutricious
  • Knobbly - It was not that malicious
  • Juxtapose - To serve up the meal to my pop
  • muttleee - Ben Johnson's a bit of a cheat Nothing if not topical eh? :-) Today is the 17th anniversary of his 100m gold in Seoul though.
  • Chalky - He took drugs to speed up his feet
  • Rosie - But to speed up your brain
  • Dandalf - Like La Moss, try cocaine
  • Raak - Line up for a cracking good treat!
  • Projoy - Let me clean 'twixt your toes, mother dear
  • penelope - Lest the itching becomes very bad, as I fear oh yuk
  • muttleee - Your joints are too stiff [Pen] Was the 'yuk' for the concept or the scansion? ;-)
  • Rosie - and I can't stand the whiff
  • irach - Of your feet when I venture too near.
  • Chalky - Unleash all those inner desires!
  • Wymo - By admitting you love Richard Briers
  • Projoy - And Penelope Keith
  • Darren - And the voice of Lord Reith - Oddly enough, I'll be seeing Richard Briers and Penelope Keith soon.
  • Rosie - And the odour of burnt rubber tyres. Rather sensuous. OK, I'm mad.
  • Juxtapose - I once met an ogre so vast
  • Rosie - That I thought I had breathèd my last
  • muttleee - With a 'Fee fi fo fum'
  • Projoy - As he spat out his gum
  • Darren - He advised me to run away fast
  • Projoy - So I did, and I'm here - he's outside
  • Darren - I think he wants me for his bride
  • Rosie - But when he gets close
  • Software - I'll give him a dose
  • Wymo - Care of Doc Jekkyl and old Mister Hyde
  • : -
  • Chalky - Relax now - this won't hurt a bit
  • Marc - Bend over, expose your left tit, ...at the dentist's or shooting porno-movies?
  • Chalky - [Marc] I see you managed to sniff out an opportunity to lower the tone - behave yourself!
  • Rosie - For we are freemasons
  • Blob - Hereditas jacens
  • Software - Bend over, remove all your kit In the Masonic sense of course...
  • Kim - In time, you will come to discover
  • Chalky - The call of the Little Ringed Plover - oft described as a 'loud pee-oo, uttered on rising'
  • Wymo - It starts with a shout
  • Projoy - Of a "pee", short and stout
  • Blob - then an "oo" like the sigh of a lover
  • Projoy - Is there anything left in the sky?
  • penelope - Which would fit in my gravy-rich pie? hungry again...
  • Irouléguy - A lark or a dove?
  • Darren - Or a cloud high above?
  • irach - Or a piggy with wings that can fly?
  • Projoy - With catkins surrounding my face
  • Software - Like high quality Nottingham lace the taught me that at school
  • Wymo - I danced round the tree
  • Pooksad - widdershins,naturally
  • Darren - And then clockwise too, just in case
  • Chalky - Strange news, ma'am, has come from abroad
  • Ella - Your husband has swallowed his sword
  • Software - And not only that
  • penelope - He chewed up his spat
  • Rosie - But has changed his socks, thank the Lord.
  • Knobbly - Golly gosh, goodness me, bless my soul!
  • penelope - My laptop is running on coal!
  • Rosie - It likes nutty slack
  • Projoy - And cocaine, beer and crack
  • Tuj - Is there something I haven't been told?
  • Rosie - And now that we're into October
  • Raak - From now until June we'll be sober
  • Darren - We'll drink only water
  • Maruno - Just as we oughta
  • Marc - Or else one may try to disrobe'er ...do not know if that is appropriate or not for a Gentleman...
  • Irouléguy - "Winter draws on", my gran used to say
  • Rosie - And the snowdrifts will be there till May
  • Maruno - But come rain or shine
  • Tuj - I know you'll be mine naww...
  • Marc - Come spring we will all want a lay. ...don't know if that's appropriate or not for a Gentleman...
  • Marc - There once was a maiden who said:
  • Irach - "I like to be taken to bed"
  • Rosie - 'Cos I've got some lurgi
  • Projoy - I caught it off Fergie
  • Gregor - Who taught me how lurgi's are fed.
  • Gregor - In Fall, when the leaves have turned gold ...brother Marc, my kine send their regards ;)
  • Software - And the Autumn evenings get cold
  • Marc - Now the eggnogs we mix, ...Thx Gregor, and all the best to your flock!
  • Raak - For the fire gather sticks
  • Maruno - And we shall sing Christmas hymns of old
  • bah humbug -
  • penelope - There once was a masterful baker
  • Raak - Who married a pretty young Quaker
  • Rosie - Of course they stayed Friends . . . disdaining any reference to oats . . .
  • Darren - With no reverends
  • Projoy - And had fun with his bulbous flour shaker.
  • Rosie - While mending a fence with some nails
  • Greg'r - A milkmaid passed swinging two pails
  • Pooksad - my cap I did doff
  • Marc - her pants she pulled off ...just referring to what I saw...
  • Software - Now we're parents and living in Wales.
  • Darren - A way of discouraging weeds
  • Juxtapose - Is reading them poems of Swedes
  • Rosie - Their perplexitee Yesterday's fence-mending led to nothing more than a mended fence, alas.
  • Software - From across the Nordzee
  • Rosie - May make them repent their misdeeds. 3rd and 5th is all right, isn't it?
  • Projoy - The third and the fifth is all right
  • Greg'r - I said to my mistress one night ......... we have a list
  • Juxtapose - Her face flushed to red
  • Marc - As we bounced out of bed Greg'r, can you post us a copy of that list?
  • Software - 'Cos the fourth had been rather tight.
  • Projoy - Imagine a cube on a plane:
  • Irouléguy - is the picture clear in your brain?
  • Raak - Intersect with a sphere
  • Rosie - A shape will appear (Projoy) 216 airline passengers?
  • Software - That'll look like a ball down a drain
  • Tuj - The Queen stood and waved to the crowd
  • Phil - The smirked as she farted aloud
  • Phil - s/the/then
  • Botherer - The regal emit
  • Darren - A fart full of wit
  • Rosie - To touch cloth simply isn't allowed. (Darren) Most restrained.
  • Chalky - He promised the earth and the moon
  • Software - Then said it would arrive soon magic word..?
  • Kim - And, lo, it appeared!
  • Darren - Although it looked weird
  • Botherer - From behind, rather like a baboon.
  • Rosie - The barometer falls, like the rain
  • Software - Mercury goes down the drain
  • Néa - So let's not go out
  • Darren - Lest we go mad and shout
  • Projoy - And get hurtiness all in our brain
  • Chalky - *chuckles*
  • Tuj - A yellow canary named Tweety [Projoy] Lovely finish!
  • Sir Henry - As a veggie wasn't known to eat meaty (sorry)
  • Kim - But Sylvester (the cat)
  • Rosie - Will have none of that
  • penelope - He likes puddings or something quite sweetie
  • Projoy - Spend time in an oxygen tent
  • Wol - Wear boots that are cast in cement
  • Wol - Read that one in bold ...
  • Rosie - This new form of training
  • Software - Is physically draining
  • penelope - My aerobic credits are spent!
  • Rosie - The EU's not sure about Turkey
  • Phil - Its past seems decidedly murky
  • Software - Its Ottoman roots
  • penelope - Are as rank as old boots
  • Projoy - Though its branches are looking quite perky
  • irach - There once was a lad in Istanbul
  • penelop!e - [irach] Give us a chance! Can't you call it Constantinople just this once?
  • Rosie - (pen) Hear, hear. Doesn't scan, either.
  • Raak - I suggest amending it to:
    There once was a lad in Stamboul
  • jim - Who went into town,'on the pull'
  • penelope - oops
  • Rosie - It could not be said
  • Knibbly - He was right in the head
  • Chalky - 'Coz his technique was verging on cruel ... sorry - that was getting-rid-of-sad-limerick effort. Let's draw a line eh?
  • Chalky - Don't force me to drink too much punch
  • Phil - I've not even had any lunch
  • Rosie - But when I have eaten
  • Raak - Then I won't be beaten
  • Software - So get out my way you sad bunch No, really, yous are my besht pals ever.
  • Kim - (Hic!) I really do love you, you know
  • Huxley - (stifled belch)At least 'til dawn tomorrow
  • Projoy - For it's only at night
  • jim - That I'm sweetness and light
  • Rosie - and a function-ing libi-do.
  • Projoy - Zippedy Doo Dah, Oh My!
  • Tuj - Who'd have guessed elephants could just fly?
  • Rosie - And toads sing The Messiah
  • jim - p****d as newts, in a choir
  • Darren - It's all very nice, Walt, but why?
  • Rosie - And now let us praise margarine . . .lovely girl . . .
  • nfras - With its buttery taste and nice sheen
  • Software - But it's stuffed full of E's
  • Chalky - So unlikely to please - [Darren] v good :-)
  • Projoy - Nutritionists, Cows or the Queen (who is eating it in the parlour with her bread and honey)
  • Projoy - Decorum et dulce it est
  • Darren - Of my old school Latin, the best
  • Software - But quo vadis, pray?
  • Chalky - Vade in pace
  • Rosie - Sed non sequitur you'll be blessed.
  • Projoy - Elizabeth Violet Bott
  • Chalky - Was rather a fine polyglot
  • Software - Tho' she spoke with a lithp
  • Dandalf - Her diction was crithp
  • jim - And for William she had a thoft thpot
  • Rosie - (Projoy) It was Violet Elizabeth Bott. (I've read the books). So I'm going to thtamp my foot and thkweam and thkweam until I'm thick.
  • Tuj - Violet Elizabeth Bott oblig
  • Rosie - Some Mums do 'ave 'em, what?
  • Software - A truculent child
  • Projoy - Not meek, still less mild [Rosie] Oops. So it was. I read most of 'em too in my youth so should have recalled that. I think I must have just mentally transposed the names for the sake of slightly neater scansion.
  • Chalky - Except after smoking some pot.
  • Tuj - So, let's "big it up" for the Swiss!
  • Chalky - And take the proverbial piss
  • Rosie - Their fraudulent bankers . . . careful . . .
  • Projoy - And Swiss naval tankers
  • Darren - And cuckoo clocks all score a miss
  • Darren - The Swiss Army Knife's greatest blade
  • Projoy - Pulls hooves from the stones in a glade
  • penelope - And should you need slices
  • Rosie - As you may, in a crisis,
  • Software - It puts all its rivals int' shade
  • Projoy - Pink piggies are playing in pens
  • Raak - On a piggery deep in the Fens
  • Kim - They wallow in muck (Could I just mention that the cuckoo clock is in fact a Bavarian invention and not a Swiss one. It's a popular misconception that Mrs Kim (who is Swiss) has asked me to clear up.)
  • Software - But don't give a f**k appologies in advance ;-)
  • Pooksad - Until Jamie Oliver attends.
  • Maginot -
  • Projoy - The knockings that come from my car
  • jim - Have a cause which is somewhat bizarre
  • irach - There's a mouse in the shaft
  • penelope - Woodworm, fore and aft
  • Darren - And the ghost of a dead Russian Tsar
  • Tuj - One day, spurred on by a bet
  • Raak - I spent a whole day as a vet
  • penelope - Castrations and Neut'ring
  • irach - Ligations and suturing
  • Chalky - Paid off my credit card debt
  • Tuj - If ever in need of some money very nice that last one
  • Raak - Keep bees and sell epicure honey
  • Projoy - You'll feel more alive
  • Rosie - May your apiary thrive
  • Software - And your life always be sunny
  • Projoy - A stack of six waffles is here
  • penelope - But at ten pounds apiece, they're quite dear.
  • Chalky - Perhaps they're organic
  • Blob - Or alleviate panic
  • Darren - Which I'd like, as I'm wracked with fear
  • Rosie - Darren's now got wafflophilia
  • Falstaff - Armed wit fork and syrup he'll (-khilia) *[pronunciated]*
  • Projoy - But just say "Hang on!"
  • Software - "Don't bend that fork prong"
  • jim - "Stop waffling and just take this pill'ere"
  • Sublinearity -
  • Rosie - What an outrageous colour is puce
  • Darren - It seems to be quite without use
  • penelope - Apart from on bras
  • irach - (It looks awful on cars)
  • Software - A colour old Morris Marinas abuse
  • Projoy - The pleasure I get from a duck
  • Botherer - Fades to nought next to that from a buck
  • Darren - But, as for a runt
  • Rosie - which gets killed by the hunt (Projoy, Botherer) Further details, please . . .
  • Falstaff - It gets proned cross the hood of my truck [best way to bring the game home]
  • Chalky - I think I've forgotten to mention
  • Software - I suffer from hyper-tension
  • Chalky - [SW] can you nick one of the spare syllables from your previous entry and put it in the line above? That's twice today. I'm laughing, honest ! :-D
  • penelope - 'old hyper-tension'? Hmm. Whassat then?
  • irach - The blood in my veins
  • Raak - Makes them stand out like canes
  • Rosie - And my prick's of outrageous dimension.
  • Software - Chalky doth laugh like a drain [Chalks] Glad to be able stimulate you tickle buds, especially on your 'tough day' (Orange). However, in my accent, the last entry scanned ok, the previous one, however, would have been better without the 'old', but it is a necessary qualifier for Marinas. They were old when they first appeared at the motor show.
  • Kim - Her giggles she cannot restrain [Software] Done it again, I think. Needs something at the front to scan properly. How about "Yon"?
  • jim - My sides are just splitting (Rosie)Further details,please...
  • Rösie - She's had to stop knitting Hope that isn't libellous.
  • Puckoon - whilst from laughing she tried to refrain
  • Rosie - The Welsh have the gift of the gab (Softers, Kim) Can't read your comments; something odd about the font because Chalky's and pen's comments in the previous limerick are quite clear despite being small. Is there a fix for this?
  • Darren - And their accent is quite far from drab [Rosie] Have you tried increasing the text size in the browser?
  • Software - But their fondness for L's
  • penelope - And wet, sheepy smells
  • Chalky - Means most now go into rehab.
  • Projoy - The software I have in my bum
  • Projoy - (er, not a reference to you, Softers)
  • Raak - Tells me when I should empty my tum
  • Darren - It frequently starts
  • Software - With preliminary farts [Pro] No offence taken :-)
  • penelope - And some 'agricultural' hum oblig.
  • Projoy - Blue cakes dead ahead! 12 o' clock!
  • Irouléguy - They'll make me pop out of my frock
  • Darren - But if they're not eaten
  • Falstaff - They'll need some re-heatin'
  • Software - By stuffin' 'em into your sock
  • Kim - The weekend approaches, get ready!
  • Darren - Its coming is rousing and heady
  • jim - There's no time to lose!
  • Tuj - There's no time to snooze!
  • Rosie - Start drinking now, and go steady. Rather difficult rhyme, surprisingly. Much easier in Welsh; dozens of words. Probably in Italian too.
  • irach - I've Veni-ed, I've Vici-ed, I've Vidi-ed
  • Projoy - Precisely the things that were needed
  • Software - To beat up the Gauls
  • penelope - And steal all their smalls
  • Rosie - For my loins were ungirt; they were needed
  • Rosie - Shit! I've just used the same word as line 2. Better do another one. Here goes:

    And make sure their gardens are weeded.

  • Falstaff - 'tis the hour of my discontent
  • jim - And I'm full of evil intent
  • Rosie - All round me beware
  • Darren - I'm likely to bare
  • Projoy - What I shouldn't expose, as a gent
  • blamelewis - I like the red highlight for the preview but the explanatory text says "..a preview which, in words, means..." - is there an "other" missing?
    Cry Havoc! (And let out the dog.)
  • penelope - Thus read a Shakespearian blog
  • Kim - To be? Undecided.
  • Darren - Our winter: now chided.
  • Chalky - All grist for the new pedagogue.
  • Rosie - There was a young fellow called Danny That last one was a bit posh, eh?
  • Darren - Who felt very keen on his granny
  • irach - His fetish for dentures
  • Falstaff - Regaled his wild ventures
  • Software - But he drew the line at her fanny Coat...
  • Projoy - píu mosso, col legno, atacca
  • Raak - e conflagrazione alpaca
  • Irouléguy - E per si muove
  • Knobbly - Implorate Giove I don't think this is terribly good Italian grammar
  • irach - E venerare Signore Chewbacca
  • Rosie - The brightness of Venus is striking (Knobbly) Too right. It's from the Nicht gefingerpoken school of European languages.
  • Darren - But slightly too brash for my liking
  • Software - The evening star
  • Kim - That shines from afar oblig.
  • Bigsmith - Is an excellent guide when night-hiking
  • Projoy - Be honest, and tell me your thoughts
  • Raak - Whether fully worked out or mere orts [orts: crumbs, scraps (Dictionary of obscure words)]
  • Software - For a trouble when shared
  • Botherer - Like a soul that is bared
  • Darren - Is soft like a sofa from Courts
  • Chalky - nice :-)
  • Chalky - Just say what you think. Don't hold back
  • Software - Even if what you say gets a smack
  • irach - Yet, an eye for an eye
  • Darren - Isn't something I'd try
  • Falstaff - When the faux pas occurs in the sack
  • Projoy - The premise on which this is based
  • rab - Yields a sport, keenly fought and fast-paced
  • I Say, Porter! - Yes! it's Twister-by-email
  • Chalky - Designed for the female
  • Botherer - All dressed up in basques, tightly laced.
  • Projoy - "Are all muppets Jews?" she enquired
  • Raak - "Or are they by Allah inspired?"
  • penelope - "Are controlling hands Druid?"
  • Rosie - "With their movement so fluid" Oblig., more or less
  • Software - "Or just puppets sewn and wired?"
  • Knobbly - The cause of my facial contusion
  • Projoy - Is a thin air and plate glass confusion
  • Rosie - The one is ethereal
  • Darren - The other's material
  • Falstaff - And my face, their media for fusion.
  • rab - A good dump of snow in the morning
  • Raak - Is a reason to stay in bed yawning
  • Software - 'Cos all the damn schools
  • Rosie - Will be closed; safety rules The little buggers might get COLD!
  • Darren - Must all be obeyed. That's a warning.
  • Chalky - This comedy mask doesn't fit
  • Kim - In places it pinches a bit
  • Projoy - And it's not really funny
  • irach - To look like a bunny
  • Darren - Who's crouching and ready to... spit
  • penelope - Open season on pantomime dames
  • Projoy - John Inman's been shot down in flames
  • Darren - Dale Winton's in panic
  • Chalky - Frank Bruno's just ... manic
  • Rosie - But don't mess with Botham; he maims. . . . rather unfair to him, actually, but this has been hanging around for a few days now.
  • Projoy - This feels just the winter for cricket
  • irach - I think I'll be keeping the wicket
  • Software - But bowling on ice
  • Darren - Is not very nice
  • Ol' Rum-n-Riot - To penguins; take your ball and stick'et.
  • Juxtapose - There once was a svelte young brunette
  • Software - Who was smuggled aboard a corvette
  • Chalky - The boot was too small - what's a corvette?
  • Blob - Though she curled in a ball - [Chalky] Er, it's a small ship, so unlikely to have a boot really, but we'll pretend we're talking about a Corvette Stingray shall we ? ;-)
  • Raak - A position she called cul-à-tête
  • Chalky - My new sailing ship has a boot :-D
  • Software - I'm a Corsair so I'll fill it with loot while on the boat/car bifircation...
  • Rosie - An act of no Merit That's my rough little Corsa.
  • Irouléguy - Like slipping a ferret
  • penelope - Down a gentleman's whistle-and-flute
  • Falstaff - When a bear does his job in the wood
  • Software - (Proverbially, just as it should)
  • Raak - The mice in the grass
  • Dandalf - Start nibbling his arse
  • Chalky - With hindsight they'd've run if they could. [a bit dull sorry - anything to get things moving again ...]
  • Chalky - The cause of this sorry affair
  • Rosie - So foul that I do not dare
  • Software - To mention the fact
  • Falstaff - I have nada for tact
  • Software - So I'll tell the whole world, I don't care
  • Kim - I've managed, without interference,
  • Kim - Ahem
  • Kim - I've managed, without interference,
  • Chalky - To alter my husband's appearance
  • rab - He's now eight feet tall
  • penelope - But has only one ball sorrysorrysorry
  • Chalky - And that needs a sixteen-inch clearance - oooh - what a monster I've created
  • Rosie - For those with testicular gigantism . . . there ought to be a few rhymes, and if not, well, bollocks.
  • Software - (Barring the mono or double schism) Mmmm, yes, that could work, subject to the scansion police
  • Juxtapose - It's wise, I suspect, throwing caution to the wind...
  • Chalky - To join the new sect
  • Raak - Baptised by immersion in... (No, I can't bring myself to type it.)
  • Chalky - It takes just a moment to find [Raak] admirable restraint, sir,
  • Phil - That an orange tastes better "sans rind";
  • Raak - But if you chew the pips
  • Rosie - Take this wisest of tips Pompous, moi?
  • Projoy - - just don't take the pith: 'tis unkind.
    A river of buttons doth flow
  • Wymo - To a land where the cuffs dare not go - I smell realism here...
  • Rosie - Lest they cover my watch (Projoy) You're mad. :-)
  • Software - (An extravagant Swatch™)
  • Darren - Where they've all come from, I don't know
  • Rosie - There was a young chap from Slovakia
  • Raak - Whose verse, beside ours, was much tackia
  • Software - His scansion was iffy
  • Wymo - His rhyme scheme was whiffy
  • Juxtapose - Alas, uncorrected aphakia!
  • Projoy - A seagull is fond of a beer
  • Darren - Until it succumbs to the fear
  • Rosie - That one day its liver (Jux) Just going to look that up.
  • Software - Will be cut as a sliver
  • Falstaff - Of coal, when the long winter gets here.
  • Projoy - The nights are approaching their longest
  • Raak - The werewolves are reaching their strongest
  • Software - The ghosts and the ghoulies
  • Darren - And Syd Rumpo's moulies
  • Chalky - Play host to God, who is the wrong guest. - a bit clunking, sorry. That was a difficult one.
  • Chalky - My celibate friend - here's a tip:
  • Raak - Use a lock to secure your fly zip
  • Software - This sec-urity
  • Knobbly - I'm sure you'll agree
  • Darren - Will keep you safe when you let rip
  • blamelewis - If a zip-lock should fail to prevail (continuing the excellent advice...)
  • Rosie - We'll all find out if you're male
  • Software - But if you're a lass
  • Darren - You should go to mass
  • Chalky - And cover your sins with a veil
  • Juxtapose - For celibacy, give three cheers!
  • Projoy - I'll not bonk for the rest of my years
  • jim - That's the end of my knockin'
  • Darren - The bed will stop rockin'
  • Phil - As the eve of my life swiftly nears
  • Rosie - While waiting for lights to turn green
  • Falstaff - I've acquired a malaise in my spleen
  • Software - At red-amber I felt
  • Chalky - My testicles melt
  • Projoy - So please do not ask if I've "been"
  • Rosie - I've "been" and I'm now "feeling lighter" This is disgraceful stuff. Terrible.
  • jim - Yet my pants strangely seem a bit tighter
  • Darren - And strangely much wetter [Chalky] How do you know about testicles?
  • Software - As my bits they do fetter
  • penelope - Could my underpants be any shite-er? No-one else could have done it with so much sweetness and panache. But I'm sorry anyway, and I'll get my coat.
  • Chalky - When recently showered and fragrant [Darren] eeh lad ... I've melted a few in my time :-) [pen] stick around - we need you for this one ...
  • Projoy - I jumped on an elderly vagrant
  • Darren - We made passionate love
  • Kim - While the pigeons above
  • Falstaff - Doled out the lubricating a-gent. almost rhymes...anyway it made me smirkle
  • blamelewis - Ahhh, we raise our game and lower our tone - can't be coincidence!
    Stand back! I'm about to erupt!
  • Raak - In a manner both loud and abrupt!
  • Rosie - There's nowt you can do
  • Projoy - I'll explode right on cue
  • Darren - Unless you bribe me (I'm corrupt)
  • Projoy - In New Jersey, New York and New Delhi
  • Raak - You see all the same things on the telly
  • Phil - For Sesame Street
  • Software - Or the Kumar's we meet
  • Rosie - But not the beach webcam, Pwllheli.
  • Wol - And those 'Stars' with that tw*t Matthew Kelly. sorrysorrysorry - no, not really.
  • Wol - Well, dash it - simulled.
    They think they have 'Stars in their Eyes'
  • Projoy - Which flew down from the vault of the skies
  • Chalky - If only they knew
  • Darren - They're just specks of poo
  • Raak - And the promise of fame is all lies.
  • Projoy - My handbag's possessed by a demon
  • Projoy - Actually, forget that. Not very rhymable.
    Copernicus brought down the Earth
  • rab - To a much more acceptable girth
  • Chalky - He then set about
  • Juxtapose - To prove without doubt
  • Rosie - what heliocentricity's worth. (Projoy) Your HAND-BAAAG??
  • Software - Father Christmas has multiple forms
  • Raak - But one nature, to which they all conform
  • Darren - And on Christmas Eve
  • Rosie - (so they'd have us believe)
  • penelope - A fat 'Ho-ho-Ho' is the norm
  • Puckoon - The Geese are getting quite fat Do you want stuffing?
  • Sir Joseph Bazalgette - I don't really care for all that Get Stuffed! yourself...
  • Falstaff - Succulent marinaise I'll have potatoes wit that if you don' mind!
  • Software - On these festive days
  • Juxtapose - Is best served alongside your cat
  • Rosie - I looked in the mirror; it cracked
  • CdM - You'd think it'd've shown more tact
  • Software - But an ugly boat-race
  • Darren - Has rowed over my face
  • Projoy - In a mutual suicide pact
    With Thomas and Richard and Harry
  • blamelewis - Lay Dierdrie and Senga and Carrie
  • Darren - They'd all lost a bet
  • Rosie - as to whether they'd get
  • Kim - Themselves out of a duty to marry
  • Projoy - The motion of trees in the night
  • Raak - Without wind, is a worrying sight
  • Darren - The dryads will walk
  • Kim - The Triffids will talk
  • Software - Our lives the spirits will blight
  • Projoy - Play chess on the roof of your shack
  • Knobbly - Your imagin'ry friend can play black
  • Chalky - So if he says 'mate'
  • penelope - You can nail in a slate
  • Darren - And if he says 'check,' shoot his back
  • Kim - I sense an impending disaster
  • Darren - And so I have brought a small plaster
  • Phil - I've some ointment as well
  • Rosie - For use when all hell
  • Projoy - Breaketh loose and becometh the master
    Courgettes - which are Jewish, of course -
  • Raak - Must not be combined with stewed horse
  • Darren - So take your zucchini
  • Software - Marinate in Martini
  • Blob - Then stew with some beetroots for borsch
  • Blob - I like a good seasonal stew
  • Raak - There's a very fine place down at Kew
  • Darren - Where they stew a live dog
  • Software - In eau de la bog
  • jim - (Please take over my place in the queue!)Yuk!! .....seasonal?
  • Darren - A snowman is best if he's given
  • Irouléguy - The eyes and nose of David Niven
  • Chalky - Sean Connery's hat
  • Raak - And Dr. No's cat
  • Rosie - Who'll ensure that with piss-holes it's riven.
  • Juxtapose - This year I have only one plea [jim] sure. the dog is a german shepherd.
  • Darren - Please give all your presents to me
  • Chalky - And when you've done that [Rosie] well played - you'd be amazed at the amount of time I spent conjuring up 'acts' on a snowman to guarantee a last line ending 'riven' or striven' - I obviously have nothing better to do this time of year :-)
  • Rosie - You can don this daft hat (Chalky) Cheers. The busiest thing I am doing at this time of the year is firing off apologetic letters to all those who sent a Christmas card to my late Mum. Oh, the sins of omission.
  • Mrs_Robinson - While I *hum* a refrain at your knee. [slipping out the back door]
  • Projoy - "Here's to you, Mrs R!" Ben declared.
  • Chalky - To which Mrs R said: "Don't be scared" [Rosie] see Banter
  • Darren - And slipped off her coat
  • Rosie - Her charms to promote (Chalky) Seen it. :-)
  • blamelewis - 'Twas more than her soul that she bared.
  • Software - 'Tis the season for to be jolly
  • Juxtapose - via HYPnotic trance of svengali
  • plump - whose staring mince pies
  • Projoy - , boring deep in my thighs,
  • Rosie - have detected both ivy and holly.
  • Projoy - When cold in the morning, it's best
  • Phil - To pack up one's back and head west
  • Phil - s/back/bag
  • Software - Get right out of town
  • Darren - And dress up as a clown
  • Falstaff - But do not join the legion, Beau Geste.
  • Projoy - A jelly what sits on a plate
  • plump - Is the latest thing in the TATE
  • Rosie - Its wobbly appeal
  • Software - As an artistic meal
  • Blob - Was reduced when it passed sell-by date
  • Kim - This shed (first a shed, then a boat)
  • Rosie - Needs treating with fresh creosote
  • Software - This strange piece of art
  • penelope - is falling apart
  • Uncle Korky - And the artist has just got his coat...
  • Projoy - The champion liverwurst maker
  • blamelewis - Has retired as town undertaker
  • Dujon - The deli's now broke
  • Darren - And he's moved down to Stoke
  • Software - For a life as a pottery maker
  • Rosie - Whilst opening a tin of sardines
  • jim - I squirted some sauce on my jeans
  • Projoy - Then opened the tin
  • penelope - What the sardines were in
  • Software - Then ate them with toast and beans Sounds pretty average for the lone eater just in from a long day :-(
  • Juxtapose - 'Twas the night before Christmas and all
  • Saxon - Panto Dames had gone to the ball
  • Phil - Not one ugly sister
  • Rosie - to ruin the vista
  • Saxon - Cinders was left, with mice et al.
  • Projoy - It's over, you've eaten. Go home!
  • Rosie - Do not roam over land, sea or foam
  • Irouléguy - And don't you dare linger
  • Saxon - Or phantom flan flinger
  • Phil - Will splatter your cranial dome - is it me, or have limerick standards slipped lately, particularly at MCiOS ?
  • Phil the hr-neglecter -
  • Rosie - The winter sun shines on my screen (Phil) It's not you. Rhythm and humour in short supply - even rhyme sometimes.
  • Saxon - Why, oh why, is this golden beam
  • Software - So bright, yet so cold
  • Projoy - And so young yet so old | [Phil] I agree. It was never brilliant (check the archives for evidence), but the art of scansion in particular seems to be crumbling lately.
  • Projoy - (Compare some our current efforts with the Platonic limerick)
  • Raak - Only indoors this scene should be seen.
  • Juxtapose - There once was a lim'rick so poor
  • Phil - Out of twenty, I'd give it a four
  • penelope - That lousy attempt
  • Darren - Was crude and unkempt
  • jim - Now we're back to high standards once more.
  • Rosie - Today it's so cold that I shiver (Projoy) There's posh. How do you do that? Point well made but the melody's crap. :-)
  • Software - Drink hot rum, tho' it'll fu*k up your liver
  • Knobbly - A bobbly hat
  • Saxon - A romp in my flat
  • penelope - Who can say there's no fun en hiver?
  • Darren - Inside of a hive you'll find bees
  • Rosie - They can spell, and all have great knees
  • Juxtapose - And what's even better,
  • Falstaff - They fill out a sweater,
  • Saxon - So long as there's no absentees
  • Projoy - This caffeine will give me a lift
  • Rosie - The lead in my head it will shift
  • Puckoon - but as for my liver...
  • Darren - It will cry a river
  • Falstaff - What will spill when my flood gates are rift
  • Juxtapose - So welcome to 2006
  • Raak - I shall learn every day some new tricks
  • Darren - Involving some rope
  • Projoy - And our new model Pope
  • Puckoon - and a very large box of matchsticks Cor strike-a-light guv'nor! and other such 'Van Dyke cockernee'
  • Software - Resolutions are most often broken
  • Darren - In ways which are better not spoken
  • Raak - Are those such as these:
  • Raak - Oops, I didn't notice the "are" in the first line, or I imagined a "which", so mine makes no grammatical sense. Try this instead:
    One's New Year intention
  • Rosie - Of modest dimension
  • Phil - Is less use than a £1 book token
  • Saxon - This stance is under inspection
  • Rosie - It seems to need no correction
  • Darren - But since golf requires
  • Projoy - Lots of land in the shires
  • Software - It attracts some rural attention
  • Kim - I'm off out to hunt for wild boar
  • penelope - I've got bullets enough to shoot four
  • Darren - Provided I aim
  • Rosie - To kill, not to maim
  • jim - Protestations I'll choose to ignore
  • irach - I'd say to be fluent in Latin
  • Darren - You'd choose the right chair to be sat in
  • Falstaff - Whilst gargling with petrol
  • Irouléguy - I'm ready to bet you'll
  • Raak - Achieve a result by le matin.
    Well, that was really average.
    A sailor from far-off Malay
  • Projoy - Denied that his boyfriend was gay
  • Rosie - He did, though, admit
  • Bigsmith - That he managed to fit
  • Darren - The figurehead in his back way
  • Chalky - Now THAT was well above average:-)
  • Breadmaster - My father would often insist
  • Darren - He could fit, in his mouth, a whole fist
  • Puckoon - but we said, "We don't care."
  • Raak - So he showed us with flair
  • penelope - He put hand to mouth, and he missed
  • Phil - There was a young lady called Karen
  • CdM - Who knew a young lady called Sharon
  • Rosie - The one was delightful
  • irach - The other, most frightful
  • Projoy - But both will be punted by Charon
    This scotch in my slippers is yummy
  • Puckoon - The taste is OK, but it smells hummy
  • Software - The aroma's not peaty
  • Uncle Korky - But rather quite meaty
  • penelope - And smells like my feety, says Mummy
  • Tuj - Have you ever been in a canoe?
  • Projoy - And if so, do you know what to do...
  • jim - In an eskimo roll
  • Raak - You must waggle your pole
  • Software - And watch out for where the bears poo
  • Phil - In my hat is some dry Plymouth gin - continuing Projoy's theme
  • Projoy - That enters my head through my skin.
  • Darren - To drink through osmosis
  • rab - Halts liver cirrhosis
  • Raak - Allowing unlimited sin.
  • Projoy - Bravo! Wit, scansion, clever rhymes! That one had the lot!
    It's time to play Beethoven loud!
  • Raak - Come one and come all, join the crowd!
  • Darren - The Ninth in D Minor
  • Juxtapose - For nothing is finer
  • Software - I'm sure his old mum would be proud
  • Phil - While reading The Meaning of Liff
  • Irouléguy - (As a PDF, not a GIF)
  • Count Jim ‘Thighs’ Moriarty - my screen it went blank - More of a bang really, s'bit of a bugger really...
  • Rosie - Not surprised, to be frank
  • Software - As the file was served as a TIFF
  • irach - The Wonderful Wizard of Oz
  • Projoy - We're going to visit, because
  • Darren - I'm hoping he'll give
  • Rosie - me reason to live . . . . sad . . . .
  • Falstaff - i.e. repeal the polygyny laws. ...so true....
  • Juxtapose - A feisty young pilgrim named Scott
  • Projoy - Was getting on fine, until shot
  • Darren - In the back, by a gun
  • Software - By a militant nun
  • Rosie - Whom he'd made agreeably hot.
  • Kim - The building site over the road
  • Projoy - Can be entered by keying the code
  • irach - "GNISSAPSERT_TON_MI_ON"
  • Phil - Which should open Gate 1
  • Falstaff - What drops, squishing you flat as a toad
  • Marc - One night as she opened her door
  • rab - She noticed an absence of floor
  • Software - "Oh, what has become ... " Hanging quote warning!
  • Irouléguy - "of my hall - how rum..." Warning extended
  • Rosie - "that it looked like this after the war." ...oldie... (Softers, IrG) Why close the quotes, then?
  • irach - I heard a loud "Squish" in the hall
  • Software - But on checking, there was f*ck all
  • Rosie - It must be my ears (Softers) Have the courage of your profanity. :-)
  • Darren - They've been waxy for years
  • Projoy - And go "squish" till I give them a trawl.
    The animals entered in twos
  • irach - The Ark was more cramped than most zoos
  • Chalky - Survival became (.. unfinished sen ..)
  • Rosie - The name of the game
  • Marc - Let's see what they found on their cruise
  • Marc - As Noah had hoisted his sails,
  • Irouléguy - The elephants lifted their tails
    A fair wind ensued
  • Darren - (Albeit quite rude)
  • Projoy - And threw Japeth and Shem o'er the rails
  • blamelewis - 'Twas then that the flood did commence
  • Juxtapose - And swept the menagerie hence
  • Rosie - Alas, few could swim
  • irach - So Noah sang out a hymn
  • penelope - To save all from a damp consequence
  • Projoy - But it fell on deaf ears, floods increased
  • Rosie - The rain, though, had long ago ceased I'm sure there's a hydrological explanation.
  • irach - Then the crocodile pair
  • Software - Emerged from their lair
  • Chalky - To size up the animal feast!
  • Chalky - Hors d'oeuvre was a Hamster En Croute
  • Phil - With a garnish of fricasséed newt
  • Irouléguy - And a cherry coulis
  • Software - A glass of cat's pee
  • Rosie - And little dungballs en mazout.
  • Kim - With years left in prison to serve, - Unfinished sentence alert..
  • Raak - Hussein has lost none of his verve
  • Projoy - He still sings the blues
  • Software - Having nothing to loose
  • Darren - And writes fan mail to Catherine Deneuve
  • Rosie - Whilst disinfecting the loo
  • irach - I noticed the pee left by Pooh
  • Software - 'T was all over the seat
  • Marc - And it covered my feet
  • Darren - I can't potty train him; can you?
  • Projoy - I'm gaming with each of your minds
  • F'staff - By undressing with open blinds
  • Marc - Exposing my Long-Johns,
  • Chalky - [I'd put on the wrong ones] [Marc] thanks a bunch :-)
  • penelope - And showing my Oxfam shop finds
  • Projoy - The higher you climb up the pole
  • irach - The harder to reach your prime goal
  • Software - Especially when
  • Kim - The bosses are men
  • Chalky - , iguanas, or fillies in foal
  • Chalky - Perfection is hard to achieve
  • Darren - Yet if I fail, then I must leave
  • Projoy - , Commit hara-kiri,
  • Salamander Pudding - The philosophical theory
  • Raak - That death will, less than failure, aggrieve.
  • Rosie - Few people are practised at pottery
  • irach - At the wheel I'm all shaky and tottery
  • Salamander Pudding - Don't mention the glaze
  • Darren - I applied in a daze
  • Projoy - Simul'ed - I had (And, my God, all those clays!)
    The result at the end is a lottery
  • Chalky - For seven and fourpence a week
  • Blob - One could dress quite remarkably chic
  • Kim - In 1908
  • Projoy - But I fear that, of late,
  • Salamander Pudding - You'd be kicked out of any boutique
  • hemline -
  • Phil - I fear that disorder is rife
  • Rosie - In the one-time Kingdom of Fife
  • irach - The serfs in Fife's fiefs
  • Raak - Are revolting their chiefs
  • Software - By offering the use of their wife
  • Kim - There's panic and fear on the streets!
  • Raak - They resound to the mob's trampling feets!
  • Salamander Pudding - Setting buildings ablaze
  • Projoy - And undoing their stays
  • Rosie - And denouncing the works of John Keats.
  • SalPud - The looters are seen on the telly
  • irach - Raiding grocery shelves to steal jelly
  • Software - Let's enforce martial law
  • Darren - And give them what for
  • Rosie - For they have no casus belli.
  • Projoy - It's Oat-en the open - those swine (unfinished sentence career alert)
  • Botherer - Who escaped from the hog farm are mine! Waiting for cereal killer reference
  • Projoy - [Both] I was shooting for a Lib Dem Homo affairs topic there, but no matter :)
  • Marc - We'll return now to order,
  • Software - Redefining the border
  • Phil - Of what's pink and what's pork - so that's fine.
  • Juxtapose - At dinner there's only one topic
  • Raak - Should the Liberals choose Lembit Öpik
  • irach - Should we fear asteroids
  • Rosie - Shall I take my steroids
  • Kim - Should we worry 'bout things microscopic?
    To be continued....
  • Software - Charles Kennedy - all is forgiven
  • Projoy - We know why to drink you were driven.
  • Darren - Your bright ginger hair
  • Rosie - The Lib Dems' shape? Pear
  • jim - It makes your life hardly worth livin'
  • Rosie - My niece tells me Campbell's a minger . . . . continuing the theme . . . .
  • Darren - She says I should give him the finger
  • Mick Smetaphor - But to play devil's A
  • Raak - Even dogs have their day
  • Irouléguy - And give him his due, he's not ginger
  • Projoy - A description I have of Chris Huhne
  • SalPud - Mentions a Yellow Baboon - hope that rhymes???
  • Darren - As seen from the rear
  • irach - He inspires great fear
  • Rosie - That all of a sudden he'll moon. (SalPud) Well, not really, but I'll go along with it. :-)
  • irach - Is the moon tonight waxing or waning?
  • Rosie - No-one can say, 'cos it's raining
  • Botherer - The raindrops that fall
  • penelope - Let me see b*gger all
  • Projoy - Which is why I am loudly profaning.
  • Rosie - The good folk of Maidenhead, Berks
  • F'staff - Are known by their conspicuous quirks
  • Software - 'Cos their bland little town [F'staff] in UK 'Berks' is pronounced 'barks' for your future enlightenment
  • Marc - We have turned upside down [Software] what’s UK?
  • Kim - And moved up to Bromsgrove in Worcs.
  • Juxtapose - I once hopped a train to Helsinki [i,R,B,p,P - nice] [Marc - United Kingdom. England et. al.]
  • Kim - Where I met a strange man (well, I think he...
  • Botherer - Was strange and quite rude
  • Software - Using language quite crude
  • Chalky - Whilst flashing his wee willy winkie) well - I HAD to close the parentheses somehow, didn't I?
  • Botherer - A terrible fellow called Lance
  • Raak - Was never invited to dance
  • Rosie - His lumbering gait (penultimate Lim) - Catastrophe in F# for five voices, K627.
  • irach - And his greasy bald pate
  • penelope - Forced rebuttals to any advance
  • Marc - Wolfgang Amadeus once said:
  • Kim - "I've got this great riff in my head".
  • Projoy - It's Eine fine riff
  • Juxtapose - But now Mozart's a stiff
  • Darren - His music is also quite dead.
  • irach - Was Wolfgang Amadeus called "Mo"?
  • Darren - I think his fans all need to know.
  • Rosie - For they are devout
  • Projoy - When they hear his "The Trout" - Yeah, yeah, but what Mozart piece ends with "out"?
  • Rosie - Which starts on Sol but ends on Doh. (Projoy) All trad jazz numbers end with an "out chorus", so-called.
  • irach - In contrast, the "Trout", Schubert's best
  • Projoy - Should be witnessed while wearing one's vest
  • Juxtapose - Not to look dashing,
  • Software - But rather, just flashing
  • Darren - The orchestra with your bare breast
  • Darren - [Rosie] I wasn't aware Mozart was involved with trad jazz.
  • Tuj - Jim Mozart, that king of trad jazz
  • irach - And Correa, (that's Chuck and not Chaz.)
  • Software - Don't forget Parker
  • Salamander Pudding - His music's much darker
  • Irouléguy - Just the thing for a night on the razz
  • Projoy - My little imaginary pig
  • Software - Wears a syrup-of-fig
  • Rosie - It's from California
  • irach - All pink, and named Sonia
  • Kim - Wow, man, great acid, you dig? (It's the only logical explanation)
  • Juxtapose - I once bought a kilo of coke
  • Software - With it my fire to stoke
  • Projoy - But the fizz had all gone
  • Chalky - So I downed it in one
  • irach - And that's when I started to choke
  • Kim - A feller named Ludwig van Beet
  • Chalky - The end of his name did delete
  • irach - His tune for Elise
  • Rosie - Can be played with some ease (Chalky) That doesn't rhyme! I dunno, woman of your calibre.
  • Projoy - With your heart, with your hands, with your feet
  • penelope - [Kim] Have you heard Chalky speak? She's dreadfully posh, she'd get away with it.
    This booklet is missing some pages
  • Rosie - My interest it no more engages (pen) Did you mean that for me? :-)
  • Software - 'Cos the bits taken out
  • Tuj - Were the ones all about [Rosie] "Beet" "delete", it's quite fine :P
  • Chalky - The cut in our Directors' wages *blithely ignores Rosie's irony bypass*:-)
  • Botherer - It's such a big shame that the boss
  • Projoy - Aims never for profit, but loss
  • Raak - He's as stupid as sh*t
  • Rosie - Which his arse doth em*t (Chalky) Not at all, m'dear. I wouldn't have put it up if I fought you was like higgonorant (Yes I would)
  • Software - But the workers don't give a toss
  • Kim - If I'd known it would cause so much strife (Re: the one before last)
  • Phil - I would never have married my wife
  • Marc - Cause here rhyming is bad,
  • Raak - And her scansion is sad (assuming here=her)
  • Rosie - In fact I don't know what she's on about half the time.
  • Projoy - Salaciously creeping around
  • Botherer - With my belly quite close to the ground
  • Kim - I bite on her heel
  • Raak - And erotic'ly kneel
  • Marc - Then howl like a love-seeking hound
  • Marc - Caressing my neck-hairs she said:
  • irach - "I really wish you were dead"
  • Yorik - "So I could shag your corpse" [rhyming challenge]
  • Raak - From here to Cleethorpes
  • Raak - (imagine inverted commas suitably arranged)
  • Phil - But I'll settle for Grimsby instead"
  • Projoy - I'm counting the ways that I love
  • penelope - Each finger's own place in a glove
  • Pave - Though it's with mittens I'm smitten
  • Juxtapose - Thus I've written the worst love poems in Britain when in Rome...
  • Marc - With my middle finger raised high above ... don't do as the other nuts do!
  • Marc - There once will be peace in this valley,
  • Projoy - And soon we were counting the tally
  • Chalky - Of those now departed time space continuum r us
  • Rosie - As off they are carted Lucky them . . . .
  • Anon - to Bristol, to rot in an alley or dropped from an overhang onto a passing garbage scow
  • Chalky - The prodigal son doth return
  • Pave - With a listhp and bad cathe of thun burn I don't know any more than anybody else, okay!
  • Projoy - The fatted calf lows
  • Raak - Snicker-snack! So it goes
  • Darren - For his sound effects CD we yearn
  • Pave - A cat in a hat once said,
  • Juxtapose - "Please get this daft thing off my head open quote alert
  • Rosie - Or I'll crap on your chair
  • irach - Cough up balls of my hair
  • Projoy - And put mice and dead birds in your bed"
  • Salamander Pudding - A School Bus Driver once said
  • Projoy - "This bus driving won't keep me fed"
  • Rosie - So he nicks all the sweeties
  • Chalky - Contracts diabeeties
  • penelope - And from hypoglycaemia's'dead a grim tale for anyone thinking about stealing confectionery
  • Kim - I like stealing candy from kids
  • SalPud - Except little Suzy McLids
  • Botherer - 'Cause her's is all covered
  • Anon - with drool, where she's hovered
  • irach - And will transmit diseases like SIDS
  • Projoy - I act as the spoke in the wheel
  • Anonymouse - with lots of bananas to peel,
  • Pave - I'm a fruit addict, see?
  • Rosie - No scurvy knave, me
  • irach - As I prepare my vitamin meal
  • Marc - There once was a Lady so lewd,
  • Rosie - That even the Essex Men booed
  • nights - For when she disrobed
  • Blob - With her fingers she probed - I can feel a coat requirement coming on.
  • Raak - And outdid the goatse.cx man for good. Yes, it's a URL. No, you don't want to see it. NSA (Not Safe Anywhere).
  • Projoy - At the times when I haven't a clue
  • Chalky - I tend to join hands with a gnu [I'm clearly certifiable]
  • irach - We smear the vast veldt
  • Anon - With wildebeest smelt
  • Marc - Then go for some females to screw (Bestial behavior amongst all those animals...)
  • Kim - I'm sure to enjoy Lanzarote
  • penelope - I've heard it's not rainy or grotty
  • Projoy - But instead, clean and sunny
  • Phil - Good value for money,
  • Irouléguy - Two bottles of wine for a zloty
  • Marc (cont'd) - For free you'll get crabs at the loo [sim]potty
  • Raak - You can boil them in lye to make glue
  • Rosie - And should you be "loose"
  • jim - Feel free to make use
  • penelope - Of the paper. Use one square, not two.
  • Marc - Each night we'll swim (nude) in the pool
  • jim - Please join us ...I guarantee you'll
  • anonymouse - have fun and get wet,
  • Projoy - Which is not all you'll get
  • Pave - When we swim, (nude) in the pool.
  • penelope - And should we decide to get dressed
  • Irouléguy - The bishop will have us all blessed
  • Juxtapose - Our midnight baptism
  • Darren - May well cause a schism
  • irach - If Janet exposes her breast
  • nights - Janet was always an odd sort
  • Phil - Aroused by the chance she'd get caught
  • Marc - Though her legs she keeps crossed,
  • Rosie - She frets at the cost
  • Darren - Of all the rude clothing she bought
  • irach - Yet Janet J's infamous bro
  • Marc - Don’t like when the nose he must blow
  • Projoy - But he'll blow something else
  • Projoy - OK, try again, But he'll blow other things
  • Marc - While undressing his strings
  • Jermain - Like a flute, a trumpet, or a oboe
  • Rosie - While scoffing a lemon curd tart
  • Raak - I felt a slight pain in my heart
  • Software - T'was indigestion
  • Darren - Which did beg the question
  • Marc - “What did cause that loud smelly fart?”
  • Projoy - Explain, then, how drums came to be
  • Darren - They sound much too noisy to me
  • Rosie - And as for the cymbals
  • irach - They're cacophonic symbols
  • Raak - Of storm, strife, and turbulent sea.
  • Projoy - I wish that my friends were not feckless
  • Chalky - And had guarded my new diamond necklace :-(
  • Salamander Pudding - But instead they got high
  • Botherer - On hash cakes (with rye)
  • Juxtapose - And peckish, they ate it for breakfast (the jewelry, that is)
  • irach - A dour dowager from Pisa
  • Rosie - Who, frankly, was no Mona Lisa . . . . this do-WADG-er
  • Software - Tried to drag me to bed
  • Marc - Said she needed my head ....and I'm not very bright either...
  • Chalky - So I chopped it right off, just to please 'er
  • Chalky - If you find yourself headless, take heed:
  • Projoy - Do not ride on a galloping steed
  • Raak - With no head, you can't see
  • Darren - And you may hit a tree
  • irach - ('Though a headache pill you will not need)
  • Rosie - My overindulgence in eggs Ain't no-one got rhythm? The penultimate one was a right clunker.
  • Anon - Has my tum encroaching my legs
  • Raak - I can't see my toes
  • Projoy - And am forced to impose - [Rosie] For once I disagree. There was only one non-scanning line in that one (the first, "dowager" one).
  • Marc - Some eggnogs with Rhum, two –three kegs... have an eggnog guys and your rhyming and rhythm will get so much better ;-)
  • Anon - As I drank my morning coffee
  • Juxtapose - My saucer slipped slightly agee last syllable in line one stressed I assume
  • Software - My cup, it did tip
  • Darren - Fluid spilled from my lip
  • Blob - And it looked like I'd just had a pee - Coat
  • Raak - My ogee has gone all awry
  • Projoy - So I think I'll just stand here and cry
  • Phil - For my arch is all wonky
  • Rosie - 'Twas built by a donkey
  • Software - Who'd used the wrong value for pi
  • Projoy - Very good!
    And into the fray once again
  • Software - Morniversers just have no shame
  • Projoy - [SW] Clearly!
  • Rosie - One can but despair
  • Blob - At their Devil may care
  • Raak - Society must be to blame!
  • Juxtapose - I've had quite enough, let's secede
  • CdM - For then all the verse shall be freed!
  • Rosie - Rhythm - begone! Cor, this i'n' 'arf poe'ic
  • Marc - Fell'as come on!
  • Oegy - Let's just claw at our eyes, till they bleed
  • :) - oops! drawing my line in the sand
    When ones eyes are BLOODSHOT, and red
  • Darren - It's better to go back to bed
  • Marc - Try to stop the rotation
  • penelope - For your breakfast flotation
  • Software - Get up tomorrow instead
  • Projoy - A valiant hero in blue
  • penelope - Released a rock chick from the loo
  • Rosie - where, perfecting her licks
  • irach - She performed such tricks
  • Marc - As to fix steady dates with some glue ...maybe it's worth a try...?
  • Oeg - This gallant, with plunger in hand . . . a handyman, t'is a noble vocation
  • Raak - Fights blocked drains throughout all the land (which does scan, at the risk of a sprained tongue)
  • Marc - He will hammer and screw, ....hoping his tools are in order...
  • Kim - While you wait for the loo
  • Blob - And his bill's never more than a grand.
  • Projoy - My clarinet seems to have grown
  • Marc - It’s playing strange tones - yet unknown
  • Rosie - I shouldn't have watered it . . . or taken liberties with the syllabic count :-)
  • Projoy - Hung, drawn or quartered it (sorry, I know it's not the multiposting game, but I was passing and I thought I could help out)
  • Botherer - Now it sounds like a trombone.
  • Marc - You remember when old Uncle Andy
  • irach - Claimed he dated old Jessica Tandy
  • Rosie - The thought of those two (Projoy) And I'm glad you did. Nothing wrong with posting 1st and 4th lines.
  • Phil - Makes me want to say "Ewwww"
  • Anon - For I'm appalled to find I am randy
  • irach - Bach played on a cheap pennywhistle
  • Rosie - If that don't appal you then this'll:
  • Projoy - Herr Mozart's accordion
  • Projoy - OK, bad rhyme... how about de Falla on ice
  • Marc - Playing: Three blind mice....
  • Raak - Or Puccini played on a bull's pizzle.
  • Projoy - So could we try whisky instead?
  • irach - This moonshine will leave us all dead
  • Blob - Here ! Slug on this raki
  • Wol - And chew on some baccy
  • Software - In your pencil they will put lead
  • Marc - Pure Malt will be fine thank you Sir,
  • irach - You see, I'm a finicky boozer
  • Raak - I insist on Laphroaig
  • Puckoon - S'miles better than Haig
  • Raak - Bong! Anyone else know the right pronunciation of "Laphroaig"?
  • Google - Laphroaig (La-fróyg)
  • Pedant - which makes it difficult to rhyme ..
  • Raak - I've always understood the g to be silent, as in joaig, ploaig, ahoaig, etc,
  • Marc - Though Bailey’s what Ladies prefer Never mind rhyming and/or chatting, Baileys is a reliable and fast first class G-spot moistener....
  • Marc 2 - There once was a maid in a Bar,
  • Phil - [Raak] According to the head distiller, the "g" is pronounced. I saw him on telly 3 weeks ago on the wonderful "The Thirsty Traveller" on the Travel Channel.
    Said "AnCnoc's the best whisky by far",
  • Software - She would oft say
  • Kim - That a single Islay
  • Darren - Would get her knocked up in a car
  • Rosie - Tonight we have an extension now, now . . . .
  • Juxtapose - To our contest of "Dumbest Invention"
  • Darren - The next and last entry
  • Phil - "Hot-pants for the Gentry",
  • irach - I shudder to have to now mention
  • Botherer - My hot pants are only lukewarm
  • Software - Since I bought them before you were born
  • Darren - What's more, they are damp
  • irach - Thanks to the hot vamp
  • Rosie - And my awful addiction to soft porn.
  • Kim - While playing in Grandfather's attic
  • Raak - Which he can't get to, 'cos he's rheumatic
  • Darren - I found the remains
  • Chalky - Of some old Hornby™ trains
  • Rosie - Like Connex South-East, they were static.
  • Chalky - :-)
  • Chalky - The day that I give my last croak
  • Darren - I'll play, on the mourners, a joke
  • irach - My coffin's spring-loaded
  • penelope - And the eulogy's coded
  • I Say, Porter! - To send the whole church up in smoke
  • Chalky - Marvellous - just make sure you are ALL at my funeral :-)
  • Rosie - There was a young chap from Cadiz (Chalky) I may not be able to make it, actuarily.
  • Juxtapose - Who failed on his química quiz
  • irach - Thinking Valencia de Sodio
  • Simons Mith - [Rosie] If you don't go to other people's funerals, they won't come to yours.
  • Marc - Could be heard on the radio [SM] Good thinking, make sure you live long enough to receive deaths kiss!
  • Software - He failed to impress as a quiz whizz I guess, like me, Rosie will have had a prior engagement ;-)
  • Kim - I'm learning to speak Mandarin
  • Raak - But I can't tell my chìn from my chîn
  • Software - And I tend to wing wong
  • Phil - When I'm meant to ling fong
  • Irouléguy - But I might just get by in Guilin
  • irach - I just heard a ping pong ball ping
  • Marc - While testing my new backhand swing
  • Software - The ball just went flat
  • Darren - (Being cheap, useless tat)
  • Will - But at least it makes wonderful bling.
  • Marc - Her tits swung so wildly and vulgar, ( o )( o )
  • Raak -
  • Kim - There was a young golfer from Troon [Marc] Shame on you.
  • (*)(*) - She waggled her tail like a cougar/Whose balls were all creased like a prune
  • penelope - [tithead, whoever you are, and Marc] I really had hoped not to have to face that kind of stupid sexist rubbish in here. There are oodles of sites on the web where you can exercise your misogynist sense of humour, and I for one would be pleased if you'd piss off and do it somewhere other than here.
    Apologies to rab and everyone else for flaming in the lims game. I'll come back in a week's time.
  • Raak -
    There was a young golfer from Troon
    Who played every shot with a spoon     (a No. 3 wood)
  • irach - (The most runcible kind)
  • CdM - And though much maligned [t,M] What pen said.
  • Darren - From bogeys he seemed quite immune
  • Kim - He drove from the tee with aplomb
  • Chalky - His drive - it went off like a bomb well played pen - hear hear on all counts
  • Rosie - It landed pin high . . . always sounds like some Chinese bloke, that.
  • Darren - And he let out a sigh
  • Marc - Because it had slipped from his palm [pen]my line was certainly not meant to offend anyone and I’m kind of surprised by your interpretation. I guess it’s with limerick lines like with kids: We love our own.....
  • penelope - Yeah Mark, so that's why you have to actually DRAW tits in the limerick game? Pur-lease. For the record, I hate your 'kids'. If you want to continue this discussion elsewhere, I'm quite happy to - I'm a new justine and I use aol.com for emails.
  • Chalky - The watchmaker's son was too late
  • Marc - And therefore he missed his first date[pen et al] my ‘drawing’ was supposed to resemble a man with wide opened eyes watching the Women’s final of the tennis game the other day and not a pair of tits as your imagination may have fooled you to believe. Have a nice day! [Chalky]Nice line you submitted the other day at the game Multiple Lines Per Player: “By giving her one 'gainst the wall”, but beware, pen may spot it and accuse you for being a “stupid sexist rubbish” publisher!
  • Rosie - His hair-spring had sprung (Marc) Eyes? Bollocks! They're tits. You're in a hole - stop digging. And crawling.
  • irach - The alarm had not rung
  • Software - And his young lady friend wouldn't wait.
  • CdM - "Just whom do you think that you're kidding?"
  • Marc - Said seller to buyer when bidding
  • Rosie - "This is a Titian . . . . hanging quotes
  • irach - No way it's Mauritian"
  • Chalky - .. why the long pause I wonder ..
    So the deal to a quick halt came skidding. .. dodgy last line in order to move swiftly on
    Chalky - I'm insuring my knees to the hilt
  • penelope - And my hips, though of Kevlar they're built
  • Raak - My ribs are of steel
  • Projoy - (plus titanium heel)
  • irach - And my false teeth- they're loaded with gilt
  • Phil - With 2 grams of flucloxacillin
  • Rosie - You could wipe out all Enniskillen
  • Marc - All germs, bugs and cattle
  • Irouléguy - You'd hear their death rattle
  • irach - That's how you make a great killin'
  • Kim - Relaxing one day in the bath,
  • Raak - With a volume of Sylvia Plath
  • penelope - My bathing-mate's clowning
  • Marc - Pretending she’s drowning
  • Rosie - What GSOH this girl hath.
  • Software - I nipped into my bookies one day
  • Darren - And bet that Boy George wasn't gay
  • Simons Mith - At eighty to one
  • Rosie - I'd say I'd been done
  • Kim - But it turned out he wasn't - hooray! (in another universe.)
  • Rosie - A funny lot, those London Loopers (It goes past my house).
  • irach - Filled with tourists and some hula-hoopers
  • Projoy - They circle the streets
  • Rosie - They nibble their eats 1st + 4th is OK, I think.
  • Blob - As they stare at the guard-changing troopers
  • Rosie - The Bishop of Bath and Wells Not everyone, it seems, knows what the London Loop is. It's a sort of M25 for walkers, and about as fast.
  • Marc - Never learned to control his bad smells (adding an xtra syllable for Rosie ;-)
  • Software - His underarm pong
  • Projoy - Made his churchgoing cong- (unfinished word alert)
  • Phil - -regation avoid waving farewells
  • Raak - The Bishops of Wells and of Bath
  • Raak - Forget that, not many rhymes for "bath".
    The Bishop of Wells-next-the=Sea
  • Projoy - Had a flock of just twenty and three
  • Rosie - They worshipped their Bish
  • Darren - And sacrificed fish
  • Software - Which after they ate for their tea
  • Projoy - Archbishops, as rare as they are,
  • Darren - Are given free drinks at the bar
  • Raak - But Cardinals pay
  • irach - For their fine Chardonnay
  • Chalky - And prostrate themselves for a Budvar
  • Projoy - An eparch, a breed rarer still,
  • Raak - Writes all his decrees with a quill
  • Darren - His face becomes stern
  • Software - (But not quite a gurn)
  • Rosie - When his inkpot requires a refill.
  • irach - A lobster, a crab and an eel
  • Raak - Disputed who best danced a reel
  • Darren - They chose, as a judge,
  • Projoy - Mister Barnaby Rudge
  • Rosie - For whom 'twas a mighty ordeal.
  • Projoy - Cor Blimey, I ne'er saw the like
  • Darren - It's three hairy men on a bike!
  • Software - A trick such as that
  • Kim - Performed with eclat
  • Raak - Just bowls me right off of my trike.
  • Rosie - We listen; we keep a straight face
  • irach - As Bush pronounces "nuclear race"
  • Phil - But we can't hide a grin
  • Software - At George's chagrin
  • Darren - When, mid-sentence, he loses his place
  • Juxtapose - There once was a writer from Wrab
  • Raak - Who wrote of lives dreary and drab
  • Rosie - These sorry commuters
  • Projoy - On sorrier scooters
  • anonymouse - Since long they had left in a cab....
  • matt - There was an old man from Nantucket
  • Rosie - With no worldly goods but a bucket
  • Kim - At the bottom of which
  • Phil - Lay a kitten, named Titch,
  • I Say, Porter! - People gaped at how far he could chuck it.
    Do I win £5 for not finishing with "f*ck it"?
  • Chalky - *splutters tea into her keypad*
  • Rosie - While wand'ring around B & Q (ISP) Only if you can prove that you would not have used that asterisk.
  • Chalky - I searched high and low for a screw
  • Darren - Just one, on its own
  • Will - Or two-- one to loan--
  • Software - But multipacks is all that they do. Bloody irritating. In the old days, one could go to the local ironmonger, but they have all gone to the wall. Grumble, moan.....
  • Kim - I grumble and moan and complain
  • irach - That my wife is the cause of my pain
  • Rosie - But her skill at defining
  • Chalky - My incessant whining
  • I Say, Porter! - Is proof that she has half a brain
  • Rosie - Half a brain is better than none
  • Juxtapose - Why just ask a zombie, my son
  • Darren - Why not ask Tony Blair
  • Software - He's the brain of a hare
  • irach - And Mad Hatter all rolled into one
  • Marc - “Hey you, please get up and get dressed,”
  • Chalky - Called chef to a bare turkey breast
  • Will - But the breast did not answer
  • Projoy - The culinary chancer
  • Rosie - Who was mad, as you may well have guessed. . . . weird . . .
  • Marc - "Oh Gwendolyn please get my helmet,"
  • Juxtapose - I said as I painted the pelmet good luck...
  • Projoy - And read from Wyrd Sisters
  • Chalky - While piercing my blisters This is really stupid - someone put it out of its misery, please!
  • Software - Where my heels and my shoes had just met Now moving swiftly on...
  • Kim - I stay in the poshest hotels
  • Raak - With the Bishop of Bath and of Wells
  • Projoy - We share a hot tub [Chalky] In my defence, I invoked Wyrd Sisters only because it pointed to the only other rhyme for "helmet" I could think of (Duke Felmet).
  • Chalky - Eat room service grub- [PJ] Not you, m'dear - it was yet another opening line in speech marks I was railing against :-)
  • Will - And play Beatles songs on our handbells.
  • Projoy - The Bishop has got a big dong
  • Raak - It's not nearly so wide as it's long
  • Darren - When he puts it on show
  • Software - The sharp end does glow
  • Marc - And choirboys keep singing their song... Oh Gwendolyn please get my helmet, I said as we swung from the pelmet, And while we’re up here, I’ll lay you my dear, And use my baldhead if you’re unmet….
  • Kim - The sign in the window: "A vendre"
  • Projoy - Which I took as a double entendre
  • Rosie - I based my suspicions
  • Darren - On other omissions
  • Software - Elle repose á la fenetre se détendre
  • Rosie - There are discs; some are hard, some are floppy
  • irach - There are bisques, some with lard, that are sloppy
  • Darren - I like to compare
  • Juxtapose - The two, although they're
  • Chalky - As diverse as a rose and a poppy
  • Chalky - Horticultural savvy is fine
  • irach - When it comes to a Wisteria vine
  • Darren - But it won't help you change
  • Botherer - Your opinion on mange
  • Marc - Though it helps with a glass of red wine.... (Noah, one of our first Horticulturists taught us the tricks of enjoying garden life!)
  • Projoy - Escaping conventional thoughts
  • Will - Requires a dozen blue cots
  • Marc - One handful of brainwaves
  • Software - A few music staves
  • Kim - And an infinite number of noughts.
  • Rosie - 'S not easy to grasp Relativity
  • irach - And that is a shame, quite a pity
  • Software - For the concept of time
  • Darren - Is bent, like this rhyme
  • Phil - To which I have quite a proclivity
  • Marc - Tonite I must polish my Harley
  • Knobbly - With a lettuce and syrup of barley
  • Darren - I find that the shine
  • Phil - On that Fat Boy of mine
  • Rosie - Leights up the whall Rhondda Vaali.
  • Projoy - Expenditure budgeted well
  • Darren - Is joyous, so I ring my bell
  • Rosie - For fiscal propriety (Projoy) God, that's boring. :-)
  • Raak - Brings people satiety
  • Software - By making life as boring as hell
  • Raak - Actuarial recalculations
  • Rosie - Have declared that in Europe all nations run on . . .
  • Irouléguy - Are living too long
  • Chalky - And, therefore, must pong
  • Darren - So let's have some deodoration
  • Darren - (Sorry, missed off the S.)
  • Raak - Freight loadings are 5% up!
  • Marc - That's great, now I'll by a Pick-up!
  • Software - But freight on the rail
  • Rosie - Arrives on the nail
  • Projoy - - Allows you to stay home and sup
    Your lips are as shiny as honey
  • Software - But don't make for me any money
  • Rosie - So go on the game
  • Knobbly - But assume a false name
  • Simons Mith - I swear I'll be proud of you, sonny.
  • Projoy - In Canada, dollars and dimes
  • Irouléguy - Are slang for the tariffs for crimes
  • Rosie - Sow your oats and do porridge
  • Phil - Only eat what you forage
  • Chalky - And gamble the proceeds betimes [SMith] That was SUCH a funny last line :-)
  • Projoy - It's time for 'objectives' and 'plans'
  • Raak - Writ in Powerpoint with Comic Sans
  • Phil - With sliding transitions
  • penelope - Of your fiscal ambitions
  • Rosie - Or you'll find yourselves driving white vans.
  • Projoy - "The better to see you with, dear,"
  • irach - "My, my! You've a wonderful rear"
  • Darren - "The left half is quite..."
  • Rosie - "....neat, unlike the right"
  • Marc (wolf)(eyes) - "I’ll just take a lick, have no fear!"
  • Li'l Red - "Dear Gram, why your ears are so hairy"?
  • Kim - "Because I'm a lycanthrope, deary."
  • Rosie - "So I'm one as well?"
  • Darren - "Yes, you'll go to hell."
  • Juxtapose - And that was the end (well, in theory).
  • Projoy - A long list of things I must do
  • Raak - Leaves me no time to care about you
  • Darren - No matter that your
  • Chalky - Foot's nailed to the floor
  • Software - And you're bursting to go to the loo
  • Projoy - A shortlist of people to see
  • Darren - Is something I'll write you for free
  • Kim - And if you've got time
  • Software - You can see some of mine
  • Raak - And we'll all have each other to tea.
  • Projoy - The business of catching a bat
  • Raak - Requires that you wear a top hat
  • irach - On its rim a mesh net
  • Darren - And, to hand, a good vet
  • Chalky - In case there's an unseemly splat
  • Knobbly - With a 'Yay', a 'Hurrah' and 'Yippee'
  • Rosie - I've discovered philately G & S invoked
  • irach - My stamps from Botswana
  • Darren - New Guinea and Ghana
  • Marc - Show naked boobies that swings free! [Rosie] We didn’t know you were a philatelist...
  • Projoy - A booby who swings on a rope [Marc] Oh yes, philately will get you everywhere.
  • Juxtapose - Will likely not end up as pope
  • Rosie - But nevertheless may (Marc) I'm not. I just like tits.
  • Marc - Unless he's not gay? [Rosie] Remarkably so do I, my glasses get misty whenever I spot a pair of good-looking tits! (   )(   )
  • penelope - Jesus, Marc, can you not give it a break? It's the same 'joke' over and over again, which, if you're not already aware, makes you sound like a stupid and dirty old man. Please let me know if you're going to the pilg, for that's one I will take pains to avoid.
  • Rosie - Become vicar of Stanford-Le-Hope. Or something. (Marc) You're obviously a tit man, or should I say "You're obviously a tit, man".
  • Marc - There once was a prudish old virgin [pen]that note was for Rosie only, hope he don't mind you reading it. See you at the pilg! [Rosie] Same to you, old man!
  • irach - Who preached celibacy to spawn sturgeon
  • Chalky - She took twenty years
    And shed many tears
    To make sure the eggs were emergin'     OK- that's rid us of this nonsense ... onwards and upwards ...
  • Chalky - There once lived a preacher called Vic
  • Rosie - His message "Beware of Old Nick" This is more like it. Nice piece of disposal, Chalks.
  • Phil - He delivered his sermon - [Chalky] I feel minoritised. Us Geordies don't consider "years" and "tears" as rhyming. But then, we are daft as a brush :-)
  • Marc - And his parish, all German ..hmm, Multiple Lines Per Player, interesting concept....
  • Knobbly - Verschwunden im einem Augenblick I had to... anyone with a better line in english is welcome to interrupt.
  • Phil - I'm impressed with a) Knobbly's line, and b) babelfish's translation. Meanwhile, here's a line
  • Software - While taking a sojourn in Spain
  • Juxtapose - A vagabond purloined my brain
  • Marc - Those tacos with wine
  • irach - And cod soaked in brine
  • Raak - Have caused me abdominal pain.
  • Projoy - The ferry chugs over the channel
  • Raak - The sea is a glum shade of anil
  • irach - The oil slicks are slimy
  • Phil - The low clouds are grimy
  • Darren - Can somebody please fetch a flannel?
  • Projoy - "Bespoke", when applied to a tailor
  • I Say, Porter! - Means 'promoted through a loud hailer'
  • Kim - But the phrase "off the peg"
  • rab - Means that one's inside leg
  • Darren - Must be saved from Vlad the Impaler
  • Raak - The ferries of Bute and Dunoon
  • Projoy - Have opened a route to the Moon
  • Darren - The journey is long
  • irach - And starts in Hong Kong
  • Rosie - (Connecting train from Kowloon).
  • Juxtapose - I think, on a night so pristine,
  • Chalky - Our thoughts should be with our dear Queen
  • Sticky - Whose mammoth carouses (Tho' enjoyed by both Houses) Are frightfully hard to keep clean...
  • Sticky - (Tho' enjoyed by both Houses..)
  • Tuj - [Sticky] We like to stick to one line each in general in this game, though fair enough to you for tripping your tongue around that one.
    The perils of being a monk
  • Juxtapose - Are more than just living sans-bonk
  • Knobbly - Much harder by far
  • Marc - Than feathers and tar
  • Chalky - Administered when one gets drunk
  • Chalky - If ever you yearn to break free
  • Rosie - And sail to Trincomalee
  • Phil - Take an old Galway hooker
  • irach - Some distilled Sambuca
  • Raak - Weigh anchor, and head out to sea.
  • Darren - I swim every day in a pool
  • irach - With my sweet rubber ducky - that's cool!
  • Marc - We play and get wet
  • Software - And sometimes we pet
  • Chalky - But mostly we dribble and drool
  • Rosie - Summertime, and the living is easy
  • Software - But Tony Blair's party's still sleazy
  • Projoy - One woman could wreck it:
  • Kim - (But it isn't Ms Beckett)
  • heh - I hear he's invited Condoleezza ... well, it rhymes when i say it
  • Tuj - I think I will live on the streets
  • Rosie - Of one of the safe Tory seats
  • Projoy - Like Witney, or Stone
  • irach - (But not Marylbone)
  • Marc - Bag-Lady – no blanket no sheets....
  • Projoy - Moving swiftly on, then...
    Dear Cupid, my only desire
  • Software - Burning deep in my heart like a fire
  • Rosie - Is for old Esther Rantzen
  • Botherer - To put frilly pants on *forced*
  • Chalky - And *farkle* before I retire
  • Projoy - The day that Prime Minister Brown
  • irach - Wore just birthday suit and a frown
  • Software - Will have been after Blair
  • Marc - Stood all naked and bare
  • Projoy - In the centre of Coventry Town
  • Audience - *shouts, screams generally goes wild for Projoy*
  • Marc -
    The leaders we've got we deserve, No more, no less....
  • Pave - Nice win there Projoy. Top marks :)
  • Tuj - [Projoy] I think I'll be staying at the University today then...
  • Wolfie - Til the great dog of war starts to bark
  • pqMlmVQLudaeJTcVCl - KbqDIX thpmndaz romwseeh kjkrbqhl
  • JiPlLxghwyoAFPvbQix - 5g11oN cqunyqsf ccbfeelg ayefutqk
  • Software - I'm having difficulty getting a rhyme with that last line.
  • hvrRIttvuo - i6gEDS gdxalwuj rmyouamd xvqzkkec
  • Software - Ah, that's work.

    • This is the end of the line. There is no more.