Conversation ƒtoppers

In the words of Dunx: "I suppose it's a long way off yet, but listening to this week's ISIHAC I liked the game of "Opening Lines" where the players would provide a line guaranteed to end the conversation with famous personages. Eg - "So, Mr Bush - is English your first language?" "Table for Mr Stringfellow and his granddaughter!" To Rod Hull - "Where's your emu?" Well, it made me laugh a lot anyway."

• Rosie - To Captain Oates - "See you later, then."
• Dujon - To Richard Branson: "Well, are you?"
• Software - To Engelbert Humperdinck "So what ever happened to Gerry Dorsey, then?"
• Robin - Richard Branson (again): "I'm sorry I'm late, aren't the trains crap these days..."
• Dujon - To Douglas Bader - "Don't fight the Air Ministry, old chap, you don't have a leg to stand on."
• Dujon - To any Australian Labor P.M. - "Care for a swim?"
• Dujon - To any Australian Liberal P.M. "Gough Whitlam's a mate of mine."
• Dujon - To Sven Goran Eriksson - "How do you fancy your chances?"
• widey - Open university rep......"Well Mr Pott what do you think of our distant learning packages"?
• widey - widey to widey......When you going to learn to write HTML?????
• Falstaff - Ernst Lehmann of the Hindenburg ...."It was no easy task Captain, but I have located the Hydrogen leak ... doesn't appear to be a problem ... I'll patch it up soon's I have a smoke."
• Dujon - To Margaret Thatcher - "Wonderful place, the Argentine."
• Dujon - To Charles De Gaul - "Is it true that the polls have you a nose in front?"
• Rosie - To Sven-Goran Eriksson - "You've been watching The Muppets again, haven't you?"
• plump - To Yasser Arafat - Are you sure you're not Jewish?
• Dujon - To Stirling Moss - "And how many drivers' championships did you win?"
• Rosie - To Thelonius Monk - "Jazz Greats? Yes, it does a bit, doesn't it?"
• Breadmaster - To King Harold - "Careful! You'll have someone's eye out with that!"
• el sico - To Miss Piggy - "So, does it really taste like chicken?"
• Robin - Sir Stafford Cripps (as presented by Lowell Thomas) - ...introducing the eminent politician, Sir Stifford Craps.
• Ziggy - To Paula Radcliffe on handing her half a Snickers bar - "Do you want to finish this marathon?
• Breadmaster - Or alternatively - "What was the name of that quiz show that Henry Kelly used to host? Can't remember it for the life of me!"
• Dujon - To the Australian Womens' Eight -
  
  'Row, row, row your boat
  Gently down the stream
  Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
  Gold is but a dream'
• Rosie - To Henry VIII - "Today we call it serial monogamy".
• JLE - Sung by the travelling "Barmy Army" of English cricket supporters, to the Sri Lankan bowler Muttiah Muralitharan, infamously accused of throwing rather than bowling the ball (and actually penalised during a previous match, for exactly that, by the umpire Darrell Hair, who was to umpire the next England/Sri Lanka match):

  "Throw, throw, throw the ball,
  roll it round the seam:
  Murali, Murali, Murali, Murali
  Chucks it like a dream.

  Bowl, bowl, bowl the ball,
  quickly through the air:
  Murali, Murali, Murali, Murali -
  Here comes Darrell Hair!

  NO-BALL!

• widey - Sir Donald Campbell.........Its as smooth as glass out there,lets give it a go
• Breadmaster - Buzz Aldrin - "Second is almost as good as first, isn't it?"
• Breadmaster - Adolf Hitler - "Living room extensions are always more hassle than you expect, aren't they?"
• Breadmaster - Croesus of Lydia - "Still. Can't take it with you, can you?"
• Breadmaster - George W. Bush - "Do you think that James' account of pragmatic epistemology represents a betrayal of the philosophy of Pierce, or a legitimate development of it?"
• widey - Herman Goering...........R.A.F.? Who the fuck are they?
• Breadmaster - John Kerry - "Better the devil you know, that's my philosophy."
• Uncle Korky - Christopher Eccleston - "Didn't you used to be Tom Baker?"
• st dogmael - to Hal Sutton : "So do you think the reason you guys lost the Ryder Cup is because you are the worst kind of Red-Necked deep-fried southern asshole imaginable?"
• Raak - Dirk Maggs: "Of course, it'll never be as good as the original series."
• Horatio Townsend - Michael Jackson - I heard on MTV that you prefer Boys II Men
• Bif - To: Dr. Eckner - "Heya gorra loight, boy?"
• Breadmaster - Martin Luther - "When in Rome..."
• Rosie - To Tony Blair - No point in beating about the bush, eh? . . . (BreadM) I like that. Bit subtle, though.
• Raak - To Mrs. Trellis: Move first? Ok, Mornington Crescent.
• Audience - *shouts, screams, generally goes wild for Raak*

This is the end of the line. There is no more.