This was Kevan's idea (see MCiOS chat room). It's based on the song "50 Ways To Leave Your Lover" ("You just slip out the back, Jack; Make a new plan, Stan....") Well, there have to be 50 ways to do other tasks, right? So, off we jolly well go, Joe!
lookaround - - 24. Engage the help of a yeti, Betty (sorry to come in from nowhere; found the site randomly and it looked cool ^_^)
Falstaff -
25. - T'is simple in theory really, but first you must become a fire ant, Grant.
Tuj -
26. Just watch and wait, Tate.
penelope -
27. Do it in a hurry, Murray.
Falstaff -
28. - Become the Grand Mogul of all cockroaches, Sanchez.
plump -
29. Own the world wide web, Deb
Prof Plum -
30. Consult those barely legible scribbled notes we stole from Margaret Thatcher's handbag when we met her, Henrietta.
Phahad - 31 - Put your mind control drugs in all tubs of Sainsbury’s strawberry yoghurt, Robert [and the rhubarb ones too Lu]
Dujon -
32. First take the Moon, June.
Will -
33. Stay up all night, Dwight.
Uncle Korky -
35. Learn from the mistakes of Napoleon's winter campaign, Jane.
Will -
36. Start with a hill, Phil.
widey 37 - Buy a very big battle tank, Hank
Falstaff -
39. - Withdraw from
reality and create a subserviant world of your own, Stone.
Tuj -
40. Just have enough money, Bunny.
Falstaff -
41. - Declare yourself Genghis, Khan.
Will -
42. - Make a new plan, Stan!
Wol -
43. Annex the Sahara, Tamara.
Rosie -
44. Rule the Gobi, Toby.
Thanks for the idea, Wol:-)
Snodgrass -
45 - Tour the Kalahari, Charlie (on a roll now)
plump -
46. Pick up the world and carry it, Harriet
gil -
48 Make the world sick, Nick.
Rosie -
49. Pretend you're George W. Bush, mush.
Not absolutely strictly following the rules.
Dujon -
50 Just go buy a globe, Job.
Uncle Korky - How about...
50 Ways to win an Olympic Gold Medal?
1. Do a good javelin throw, Jo.
Will -
3. Shoot and ski, Lee.
Tuj -
4. Place a quiet backhander, Amanda.
Well, it all seemed too idealistic and it really couldn't last!
CdM -
6. Take a banned substance, Lance
widey 8. - Run fast in the mile,Kyle. (bugger metric!!)
ImNotJohn -
9. Show them how to hurdle, Flerdle
LotUS -
10. Fly high on that pole vault, Walt.
Uncle Korky -
12. - Show the judges your best high dive, Clive.
Gusset Login -
13. Arrange to get your rival's kneecaps broken by a masked man, Stan
Tuj -
14. Go faster, higher, stronger, Mr. Olonga.
Falstaff -
15. Be the high bidder on ebay, Jay.
Tuj -
15. Enter a
very expensive tombola, ROmola.
Inkspot -
17. Campaign for apathy to be a new Olympic sport, Cort.
Tuj -
18. Run like the wind, Min.
Rosie -
19. Enhance the muscularity of your gluteus, Maximus.
widey - Beat the rest, Celest
Falstaff -
21. Complete your patented
combination triple lutz double loop followed closely by
two triple axels and one flawless
quadruple salchow, Ming Lao.
Rosie -
23. Get running, Spike.
ImNotJohn -
24. Get training for that marathon, Jonathan
Inkspot -
26. Get an aerodynamic lunchbox, Mocks.
Falstaff -
29 - Excel at your thang, Yang.
Inkspot -
30. Do the beach volley ball in string vest, Celeste.
plump -
31. Put the shot,Dot
CdM -
33. Avoid the Jamaican bobsled, Ted
Rosie -
34. Keep on taking the nandrolone, Joan.
Inkspot -
35. Be steady on the balance beam, Coleen.
Darren -
37. Run a kilometer, Peter.
Dujon -
38. Or a kilometre, Peta.   
Sorry, Darren, couldn't resist the temptation
Dujon -
39.Simply keep to the rules, Jules.
Will -
41. Get your horse to play polo in water, Cotter.
Way -
42. Favour the steroid, Floyd.
Snodgrass -
Be first off the block, Jock Well done Scotland 1st win in 5 outings. Yawn
Falstaff -
44. - Be the best in your class, Cass.
??? -
45 - Be in a class of your own, Joan.
??? -
46 - Try and try again, Sphen. and one day you will be in a class o' your own.
Me Again -
47. - Praychance you have the good fortune of competing for a little country with a lot to offer, Chauffer.
[provided the treaty isn't signed before the olympic competition]
Inkspot -
48. Box above your weight, Nate
49 - Wear your lucky pants, Lance
50 - Be first round the bouy, Troy
Olympic Torch - But most of all remember to catch the 9.05 from
Mornington Crescent, Peasant!
Audience -
*shouts, screams, generally goes wild for Olympic Torch*
This is the end of the line. There is no more.