This was Kevan's idea (see MCiOS chat room). It's based on the song "50 Ways To Leave Your Lover" ("You just slip out the back, Jack; Make a new plan, Stan....") Well, there have to be 50 ways to do other tasks, right? So, off we jolly well go, Joe!
Inkspot -
47.Put Trinny's head down the pan, Susanne
...(artistic licience declared)
ZK -
48. Become a weather girl, Shirl.
(Been going on for a while, hasnt it, this one?)
antiknees - Don't do what they want you to, Bartholomew.
Darren -
50. Write the credits at the end, friend.
adam - how about...
50 Ways to Lose Your Liver1. Start with some gin, Lynne.
Rosie -
2. Keep knocking back the sherry, Cherie.
Tuj -
3. Donate organs before you're dead, Fred.
Two sides to every story
Rosie -
3. Take all possible steps to avoid a carcinoma, Homer.
And yet a third.
Darren -
5. When you're eating liver and bacon, keep the bacon but throw away what remains, Brains.
Dujon -
7. Behave like George Best, Celeste.
Rosie -
8. Put away a skinful of Theakston's Old Peculier, Julia.
Falstaff - Share a needle wih a
junkie, Monkey.
Rosie -
10. Drink yourself under the table, Mabel.
Falstaff - [When mom ain't lookin'] sneak it under the table to
Ol' Rover, Grover.
no. 11. - The last one was [it was]!
Inkspot -
12. Drink a flagon of scumpy with every meal, Neil.
Gusset Login -
13. Promise a loan shark a pound of your mortal flesh, Ramesh.
Rosie -
14. Don't keep loads of booze in the house, Klaus.
Darren -
15. If you're the city the Beatles came from, change your name to "pool," Zool.
Kim -
16. A bottle of whiskey a day, Ray.
Tuj -
17. Drink a bottle of whisky a day, Jay.
Far more potent!
all -
18 Juggle with a chainsaw, Tor.
Lib -
19 Drink dodgy foreign water, daughter.
Falstaff -
20. Impale thyself on a meat hook,
ye crook.
Falstaff -
21. Take a midnight stroll with
Jack The Ripper, Gipper.
Falstaff -
22. Sign your
organ donor card, M'Lord.
[i'm finished now!]
Rosie -
23. Try to avoid hepatitis, Titus.
Tuj -
25. Sell it on Ebay, Jay.
widey 26 - Take to many headache pills, Will's
widey 27 - Have a meal with Hannibal Lecter, Hector!
??? -
28 - Turn your back on Jeffrey Dahmer, Homer.
??? -
29 - Catch the Whooping Cough, Dolph!
??? -
30 - Ship it to the wrong address, Bess!
Falstaff -
32. - Kiss someone with
halitosis, Miss Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.
all -
33 Feed it to the cat, Matt
plump -
35 Cover it with too much gravy or veg, Reg.
me -
36.If you don't already know, then I ain't telling you, Lou.
widey - Let it fill with pus, Russ
Falstaff -
40 - Attempt the forbidden
[Pole Vaulting Position], #1069 in
The Daredevil's Guide To Kama Sutra, Lutra.
Dujon - Sign up as a donor, Mona.
Dujon - Forty one is a prime number, so that was
42!
??? -
45 - Sell it to the highest bidder, Kidder [OOPS!].
heheheh -
46 - Your ailing Uncle is a boss in the Mob, Bob.
Falstaff -
47 - Taint your ale with a flesh-eating bacillus, Phyllis.
Dujon -
48. Go into labour, neighbour
Which we are, but we're nearly there! Come on, PUSH!
Falstaff -
49 - Let your husband perform the cesarian, Marion.
[Won't be long now!]
Rosie -
50. Don't inhale the vapours of solvents containing chlorine, Doreen.
Nnnnngh, Dunnit, Aaaaaah!
Gusset Login - I'm in an odd mood today. Let's try
50 Ways to Achieve World Domination
plump -
1.Buy it on Ebay. Jay
Tuj -
2. Play Risk, Mr. Fisk.
widey 3. - Change your name to Mac Donald, Ronald!
widey 5. - Set the Microsoft franchise rates, Mr Gates
all -
6Buy yourself a gun, Hon
Rosie -
9. Invade both North and South America, Erica.
Tuj -
10. Pull doors marked push, Bush.
widey - Explode a 40 megaton nuclear bomb, Ron
Rosie -
12. Build lots of Fighting Ships and rule the mighty main, Jane.
Falstaff -
14. - Plight your troth to the Devil, Neville.
Tuj -
15. Just act meek and inherit... Jared?
Falstaff -
16. - Transmogrify theeself into a doomsday virus, Iris.
Falstaff -
17. - Recruit vast armies from the planets Earth and Jupiter, and conquer the whole d#mn galaxy, Alexi.
penelope -
19. Subjugate all men, starting with Sven, hen
Inkspot -
21. Give Tony Blair a cow, Pat.
??? -
22. - You'll be needing a time machine, Gene.
Ford - 23. - Kill people 'til you're the only one left, Seth
lookaround - - 24. Engage the help of a yeti, Betty (sorry to come in from nowhere; found the site randomly and it looked cool ^_^)
Falstaff -
25. - T'is simple in theory really, but first you must become a fire ant, Grant.
Tuj -
26. Just watch and wait, Tate.
penelope -
27. Do it in a hurry, Murray.
Falstaff -
28. - Become the Grand Mogul of all cockroaches, Sanchez.
plump -
29. Own the world wide web, Deb
Prof Plum -
30. Consult those barely legible scribbled notes we stole from Margaret Thatcher's handbag when we met her, Henrietta.
Phahad - 31 - Put your mind control drugs in all tubs of Sainsbury’s strawberry yoghurt, Robert [and the rhubarb ones too Lu]
Dujon -
32. First take the Moon, June.
Will -
33. Stay up all night, Dwight.
Uncle Korky -
35. Learn from the mistakes of Napoleon's winter campaign, Jane.
Will -
36. Start with a hill, Phil.
widey 37 - Buy a very big battle tank, Hank
Falstaff -
39. - Withdraw from
reality and create a subserviant world of your own, Stone.
Tuj -
40. Just have enough money, Bunny.
Falstaff -
41. - Declare yourself Genghis, Khan.
Will -
42. - Make a new plan, Stan!
Wol -
43. Annex the Sahara, Tamara.
Rosie -
44. Rule the Gobi, Toby.
Thanks for the idea, Wol:-)
Snodgrass -
45 - Tour the Kalahari, Charlie (on a roll now)
plump -
46. Pick up the world and carry it, Harriet
gil -
48 Make the world sick, Nick.
Rosie -
49. Pretend you're George W. Bush, mush.
Not absolutely strictly following the rules.
Dujon -
50 Just go buy a globe, Job.
Uncle Korky - How about...
50 Ways to win an Olympic Gold Medal?
1. Do a good javelin throw, Jo.
Will -
3. Shoot and ski, Lee.
Tuj -
4. Place a quiet backhander, Amanda.
Well, it all seemed too idealistic and it really couldn't last!
CdM -
6. Take a banned substance, Lance
widey 8. - Run fast in the mile,Kyle. (bugger metric!!)
ImNotJohn -
9. Show them how to hurdle, Flerdle
LotUS -
10. Fly high on that pole vault, Walt.
Uncle Korky -
12. - Show the judges your best high dive, Clive.
Gusset Login -
13. Arrange to get your rival's kneecaps broken by a masked man, Stan
Tuj -
14. Go faster, higher, stronger, Mr. Olonga.
Falstaff -
15. Be the high bidder on ebay, Jay.
Tuj -
15. Enter a
very expensive tombola, ROmola.
Inkspot -
17. Campaign for apathy to be a new Olympic sport, Cort.
Tuj -
18. Run like the wind, Min.
Rosie -
19. Enhance the muscularity of your gluteus, Maximus.
widey - Beat the rest, Celest
Falstaff -
21. Complete your patented
combination triple lutz double loop followed closely by
two triple axels and one flawless
quadruple salchow, Ming Lao.
Rosie -
23. Get running, Spike.
ImNotJohn -
24. Get training for that marathon, Jonathan
Inkspot -
26. Get an aerodynamic lunchbox, Mocks.
Falstaff -
29 - Excel at your thang, Yang.
Inkspot -
30. Do the beach volley ball in string vest, Celeste.
plump -
31. Put the shot,Dot
CdM -
33. Avoid the Jamaican bobsled, Ted
Rosie -
34. Keep on taking the nandrolone, Joan.
Inkspot -
35. Be steady on the balance beam, Coleen.
Darren -
37. Run a kilometer, Peter.
Dujon -
38. Or a kilometre, Peta.   
Sorry, Darren, couldn't resist the temptation
Dujon -
39.Simply keep to the rules, Jules.
Will -
41. Get your horse to play polo in water, Cotter.
Way -
42. Favour the steroid, Floyd.
Snodgrass -
Be first off the block, Jock Well done Scotland 1st win in 5 outings. Yawn
Falstaff -
44. - Be the best in your class, Cass.
??? -
45 - Be in a class of your own, Joan.
??? -
46 - Try and try again, Sphen. and one day you will be in a class o' your own.
Me Again -
47. - Praychance you have the good fortune of competing for a little country with a lot to offer, Chauffer.
[provided the treaty isn't signed before the olympic competition]
Inkspot -
48. Box above your weight, Nate
49 - Wear your lucky pants, Lance
50 - Be first round the bouy, Troy
Olympic Torch - But most of all remember to catch the 9.05 from
Mornington Crescent, Peasant!
Audience -
*shouts, screams, generally goes wild for Olympic Torch*
This is the end of the line. There is no more.