Ex Libri Bardus

Summarise a novel you have read in one sentence. Extra points for smugness, pretentiousness, sarcasm and double back-flips. Ending move as standard.

• Software - Lady Chatterly's Lover
  Servant gets in the sack before getting the sack.
• Raak - Wisden's Cricketers' Almanack
  For the boring man in your life.
• irach - Tale of Two Cities
  It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.
• Software - The 39 Steps
  Lucky bastard starts war.
• Phil - The Horse Whisperer
  Bumpkin solves townies' horse (and other) problems.
• I Say, Porter! - Eats, Shoots, and Leaves
  Nitpicker's of the World Unite!
• Software - How Green Was My Valley
  Love among the slag heaps.
• ImNotJohn - The God Delusion
  I'm the only infallible one, says Dawkins.
• Sierra Mike - On The Beach
  Everyone in the whole world dies, except for the unfortunate reader.
• Sierra Mike - The Tomas Covenant Novels
  Leperous.
• Raak - The Malloreon
  If you liked the Belgariad, this is exactly the same.
• nfras - Ender's Game
  It's not a game.
• speed - catch 22
  comme ce, comme sa
• speed - the satanic verse
  plane crashes are harsh
• speed - the world atlas
  here, there and everywhere.
• speed - oliver twist
  it will turn out ok as long as you want more
• speed - naked lunch
  aliens come in baggies
• speed - waiting for godot
  he's not coming is he?
• ImNotJohn - Waiting For Godot
  [speed] OK - but it doesn't beat the genuine description - 'A play in which nothing happens - twice.'
• Sierra Mike - A Scanner Darkly
  Who's asking?
• Sierra Mike - Something Wicked This Way Comes
  Carnival folk. Distrust them.
• Sierra Mike - The Silver Locusts/The Martian Chronicles
  The case for vaccination.
• Sierra Mike - Das Boot
  The North Atlantic Ocean in winter is cold and wet.
• Sierra Mike - Iron Coffins
  If you ride around in a U-Boat during WWII, the RAF will shoot at you.
• Sierra Mike - The Day The Earth Stood Still
  I felt the Earth move.
• Sierra Mike - The War of the Worlds
  If you're going to travel abroad, get your shots.
• Sierra Mike - Barbarella
  In space, no-one can hear you cream.
• Sierra Mike - Njial's Saga
  No-one gets on with the neighbours in Iceland.
• Sierra Mike - The Story of O
  Heroine leaves her abusive lover who hits her with a riding crop a lot for the arms of a saviour, who pokes her in the bottom with a red-hot branding iron, then hits her with a riding crop a lot.
• Sierra Mike
  That last one could do with cropping.
• nfras - The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire
  Not Caesar's salad days.
• Sierra Mike - The Naked Lunch
  Orgone slick with feverjuice in wildcut edit backfold.
• Sierra Mike - My Family And Other Animals
  A Humane Zoo.
• Dujon - There's a time to live and a time to die
  Well, there is - and it's now.
• Sierra Mike - The AA Book of the Road
  Baffling at times with no sense of progress.
• Pablo
  The Hound of the Baskervilles
  Dog bites man
• Pablo
  Chesil Beach
  It'll be alright on the night.
• Kim - Stig of the Dump
  Young Neanderthal living in dump tries living in middle-class residential house but concludes that dump is preferable.
• Raak - The Little Book of Mornington Crescent
  There is in it what is in it; 'tis a mirror held up to the reader, whereby if a donkey look in, surely a sage will not look out; the ends of all things are revealed within its pages to he who has the key; it keepeth away the pox, the flux, and the weeping sore.
• Audience - *shouts, screams, generally goes wild for Raak*
• KagomeShuko - Babbit
  Guy goes through a midlife crisis and tells a very boring story that makes you fall asleep.
• FGZstar - The DaVinci
  Man meets girl during a murder and discovers thst she is secretly a decendant of Jesus.

This is the end of the line. There is no more.